Pineapple Grenade - Tim Dorsey

     2012; 552 pages.  Book 15 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Serge Storms.  What a fine, upstanding citizen!  Right now, he’s concerned about carjackings and their effect on tourism in Florida, so he and his stoner buddy Coleman are patrolling the roads around Miami airport, looking for cars that are pulling over other cars with evil intent.  So patriotic!

 

    Serge Storms.  Also wants to become a spy, even though he has no training or experience.  He’s testing out an intriguing way to get hired as one, though.  Just hang out around the various Latin America consulates in Miami acting suspicious, until someone notices him and offers to hire him to do espionage for them.  Ingenious!

 

    Serge Storms.  A firm believer in vigilante justice, something he has lots of experience in.  Well okay.  Nobody said Serge was perfect.

 

What’s To Like...

   Pineapple Grenade is the fifteenth book in Tim Dorsey’s Serge Storms series.  For the most part, it is set in the greater Miami, Florida area, with a couple of scene shifts to the fictitious Latin American country of Costa Gorda (Spanish for “Fat Coast”) and one visit to the Everglades.

 

    Serge’s “I’m a spy; hire me!” plans work even better than he expects.  Various security agencies are on extra-vigilant alert, due to an imminent influx of foreign heads-of-state into Miami for an upcoming “Summit of the Americas”.  Serge’s suspicious loiterings are quickly noted, and countermeasures are duly taken, not all of which would be to Serge’s good fortune.  Mayhem and mystery ensue.

 

     There’s a nice bunch of characters to meet and greet, some recurring, others new.  Coleman’s excessive drug and alcohol consumption actually aids Serge (and the reader) to figure out what’s going on, although the correct interpretation of those clues is a challenge.  It was fun to make the acquaintance of newcomers Felicia Carmen and Ted Savage, and I was elated to see Johnny Vegas, aka “The Accidental Virgin”, back for a brief appearance.

 

    As always, Tim Dorsey weaves an abundance of fascinating Florida history, geography, and culture into the storyline, including something called the Metrozoo seemed a bit far-fetched, but which really exists.  Trivia about the erstwhile TV series Miami Vice also pops up, as well as insight into Florida pro wrestling techniques.  Diprivan, the drug that killed Michael Jackson, gets some ink, and I learned that TEC-9 is a machine-gun.  Jeez, I thought that last one was a rap group, which reminds me: it was a treat to be in the audience when Serge does a rap routine.

 

    The ending is excellent: exciting, twisty, and both logical and unforeseen by both Serge and myself.  Both good guys and baddies suffer losses, one of which left a lump in my throat.  And for those readers who keep track of such things (which includes me), Serge’s “Vigilante Execution Count” for Pineapple Grenade is five, all of which are performed in new and imaginative ways.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 830 ratings and 203 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.99/5 based on 2,531 ratings and 221 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Let us out here.”

    “But we’re still a few blocks from your stop,” said the driver.

    “I like to take in the neighborhood on approach.  Here’s another ten.”

    “It’s your funeral.”  The cab screeched off.

    Coleman looked around an arid landscape of sunken-eyed scavengers milling outside barricaded buildings.  He clung to the nearest arm: “Serge, that guy coming toward us on the sidewalk is swinging a giant machete.”

    “Are other people around?”

    “Yes, lots.”

    “Does it seem unusual to them?”

    “No.”

    “Then it shouldn’t to us.”  (pg. 274)

 

    They started across the street.  Three men approached them from the opposite curb.  White face make-up, black-and-white striped shirts, and red berets.  The trio tipped their caps in recognition as they passed Serge.

    “You know those guys?” asked Coleman.

    “Serge nodded.  “You heard of the Guardian Angels?”

    “Yeah, vigilante group that protects people.”

    “Those three guys are from Tampa.  They started their own group, the Guardian Mimes.”  (pg. 330)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Pineapple Grenade currently sells for $13.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series range in price from $1.99 to $14.99.  Generally, the newer the book, the higher the price.

 

Escobar was short, soft, and plump, but made up for it by being stupid and pushy about it. (pg. 188)

    There’s not much to nitpick about in Pineapple Grenade.  I counted 16 instances of profanity in the first 10% of the book, five of which were f-bombs.   Later on, there was a get-together for the use of cocaine, and there are four rolls-in-the-hay, including one involving “dendrophilia”.  See below for another “-philia” mentioned by Serge.  This is not a cozy mystery.

 

    There were only a couple of typos, two of which made me chuckle.  One was naplam/napalm; the other was a hyphenation of the word “restroom”, which, presumably via the conversion program, was split up into “re-“ and “-stroom”.  Wow.

 

    The title reference occurs at 31%-Kindle.  It doesn’t have much significance in the storyline, but hey, it serves well as a catchy book title.

 

    Overall, I thought Pineapple Grenade was a great read.  The pacing was quick; the dialogue was witty; the thrills-&-spills were plentiful; Serge’s mini-lectures were informative; and the ending was the best I’ve read in months.  I highly recommend it when you’re in the mood for an exciting beach read.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  At 59%-Kindle, Serge mentions something called “ursusagalmatophilia”.  I thought for sure this was a bit of Tim Dorsey's imaginative wit, but found out it's real.  Google it.  You will be amazed.

Stormy Weather - Carl Hiaasen

   1995; 384 pages.  Book 3 (out of 7) in the “Skink” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime–Humor; Florida Crime-Noir; Beach Novel; Satire.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    It’s probably not a good idea to book a week’s vacation in Florida during hurricane season.  But that’s what honeymooners Max and Bonnie Lamb did.

 

    And sure enough, a killer hurricane—the weatherman called it the nastiest one in years—just ripped through the Miami area, wreaking havoc on everything in its path.  That’s okay though, since Bonnie and Max are staying at Disney World, a couple hundred miles north of all the destruction.

 

    Now Max has a romantic idea: let’s drive down to Miami and videotape the aftermath of the storm’s fury.  We’ll concentrate on house trailers.  If we’re lucky we might even film some dead bodies.  Maybe we can sell the footage to CNN.

 

    Besides, the storm is no longer in the area.  What possible harm can come of this?

 

What’s To Like...

    Stormy Weather is the third book in Carl Hiaasen’s Florida noir “Skink” series.  Skink is hands down my favorite Carl Hiaasen character; he’s a former governor of Florida who suddenly quit one day and disappeared into the swamps and marshes.  But he's still alive and well, a fact he trusts with only a very few companions.

 

    Several people in Stormy Weather get killed in addition to the hurricane victims, but this is not a whodunit.   The reader witnesses who the perpetrators are, and the fun is guessing which ones will pay for their misdeeds, and which ones will get away.  You might be surprised by some of those outcomes.

 

    A bunch of storylines are quickly introduced, staffed by a bunch of quirky characters.  Carl Hiaasen then jumbles up both plots and people, and mirthful mayhem ensues.  In the hands of a lesser author this might get tedious and confusing, by Hiaasen handles it deftly.  A couple of budding romances also pop up, but this doesn’t overshadow the book’s main genre: humorous Florida crime-fiction.

 

    The ending has a couple of neat twists, and does a good job of tying up all the story threads.  True love wins out, Skink disappears back into the hinterlands, and after the requisite insurance claims have been filed, repairs commence on homes and house trailers.  Owners can rest assured that their domiciles are now “hurricane-proof”.

    Yeah, sure.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Plangently (adv.) : in a loud, reverberating, and melancholy way.

Others: Spavined (adj.).

 

Excerpts...

    “She tried to cut out my kidneys one night in the shower.”

    “That’s the scar on your back?  The Y.”

    “At least she wasn’t a urologist.”  He closed the book and picked up the channel changer for the television.

    Bonnie said, “You cheated on her.”

    “Nope, but she thought I did.  She also thought the bathtub was full of centipedes, Cuban spies were spiking her lemonade, and Richard Nixon was working the night shift at the Farm Store on Bird Road.”

    “Drug problem?”

    “Evidently.”  (pg. 91)

 

    He lifted her chin.  “This is not a well person.  This is a man who put a shock collar on your husband, a man who gets high off frog slime.  He’s done things you don’t want to know about, probably even killed people/”

    “At least he believes in something.”

    “Good Lord, Bonnie.”

    “Then why are you here?  If he’s so dangerous, if he’s so crazy—”

    “Who said he was crazy.”  (pg. 224)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 3,109 ratings and 418 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.97*/5, based on 18,108 ratings and 1,078 reviews.

 

“The world doesn’t stop for a hurricane.”  “No, (…) but it wobbles.”  (pg. 68)

    The text of Stormy Weather is rife with profanity.  I counted 43 instances in the first 10% of the book, which extrapolates out to a gazillion or so.  There are also a number of references to “adult situations” and some racial pejoratives.

 

    But that’s just par for the course for a Carl Hiaasen novel.  This is my ninth novel by him, and I really like his storytelling and writing style.  The plotlines are complex, yet not confusing.  The action is fast-paced.  The satire is witty.  Best of all are the author’s perspectives on the business activities in his native state, warts and all.  And let’s face it, Florida being battered by hurricanes is an annual occurrence.  You can view that as a chronic drawback, but enterprising souls will see it as opportunities get rich quick via what some people might call scams and rip-offs.

 

    8½ Stars.  Here’s a Spanglish phrase that cropped up in the story: “Sale del carro con los manos arriba!”  Look up its translation.  It may come in handy someday.

Double Whammy - Carl Hiaasen

   1987; 320 pages.  Book 1 (out of 7) in the “Skink” series.  Book 2 (out of 16) in Hiaasen’s (overall) Florida noir series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime–Humor; Florida Crime-Noir; Beach Novel; Satire.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    Do you live in Florida and want to make some quick money?  Here are three easy ways.

 

    Hold a bass fishing tournament.  There are lots of avid fishermen throughout the Southeast that love to enter these, and you only have to pay off one winner.

 

    Build some condos around some lakes.  And by “lakes” we mean any body of water, manmade or natural, no matter how polluted, but one that’s large enough for fishing boats.  If you call it a lake, they will come.

 

    Hold a fundamentalist healing revival.  You’ll need a human who can fake being crippled for this, preferably someone young and cute.  After you perform the “miracle” the believers will shower you with dollars.

 

    Reverend Charles Weeb is both needy and greedy.  He plans to combine all three of those rackets and a lollapalooza of a fundraiser!

 

What’s To Like...

    Double Whammy is an early entry in what I call Carl Hiaasen’s “Florida Crime-Noir” series.  This is the eighth book I’ve read from that collection.   I have not been reading them in chronological order and I don’t think I’ve been missing much.  Amazon prefers to label it the first entry in the “Skink” series.  More on that in a bit.

 

    Our protagonist is the avid photographer and Private Eye, R.J. Decker, sometimes nicknamed “Rage” (a play upon his initials) by special friends, and “Miami” by one of his certifiably nutzo pals.  When Bobby Clinch, a local and not-very-successful bass tournament enthusiast is found dead in suspicious circumstances. Decker is hired to look into possible skullduggery.

 

    The action starts on the first page as Bobby Clinch sneaks out of the house early one morning.  The pacing is fast and the action is often over-the-top, which for this genre, is an asset.  I liked the character development done by the author; Decker, Ott, Fast Eddie Spurling, Skink, and Al Garcia were all interesting people to meet.  Those final two become recurring characters in this series, with Skink appearing in another six installments by Amazon’s count.  And let's give a quick nod to Lucas; his tenaciousness is impressive.

 

    Bass tournaments are the central focus of Double Whammy.  The title refers to a specific type of fishing lure used by the recognized tournament champion in the area, Dickie Lockhart.  To be honest, I’ve never had the slightest urge to participate in a fishing tournament, but while reading this book, I did get an appreciation for how much preparation is done for competing in one, and how much excitement is generated by fifty anglers, all on the same lake, all trying to out-fish everyone else.  And as an added bonus, I even learned how the cheat in bass tournaments.

 

    Double Whammy was first published in 1987, which means it has a lot of "outdated" items.  Decker drives a 1979 Volare, which he notes is  “stylistically the most forgettable auto” around.  That brought back old memories since I drove one of those in the 80s.  His camera uses film — imagine that! — and he has a darkroom in his home where he does his own film-development, a hobby I used to do with my dad in my teenage years.  Cassette tapes are how Decker listens to music, and there were only three Star Wars movies at that time, which you watched on videocassette.

 

    Events build to Reverend Weeb’s three-pronged money-making scheme described above.  The ending is exciting, albeit not particularly twisty, and both the good guys and the bad guys get their just desserts.  One loose end remains, and I doubt it is resolved in the next book: what will happen to Queenie?!

 

Excerpts...

    “Hey, Rage, where you at?”

    “In a motel outside New Orleans.”

    “Hmmm, sounds romantic.”

    “Very,” Decker said.  “My roommate is a 240-pound homicidal hermit.  For dinner he’s fixing me a dead fox he scraped off the highway near Ponchatoula, and after that we’re taking a leaky tin boat out on a windy lake to spy on some semi-retarded fishermen.  Don’t you wish you were here?”

    “I could fly in tomorrow, get a hotel in the Quarter.”

    “Don’t be a tease, Catherine.”  (pg. 119)

 

    “We’re here for the bass tournament.”

    “Is that right?”  Weeb eyed the rowboat disdainfully.  “Sorry, son, but this event’s not open to the general public.”

    Al Garcia said, “We’re not the general public, son.  We’re the Tile Brothers.”  Coolly he handed Charlie Weeb the receipt for the registration fee.  Weeb passed it to Deacon Johnson.

    “It’s them, all right,” Deacon Johnson reported.  “Boat number fifty, all paid up.”

    “You don’t look like brothers,” Reverend Weeb said accusingly.

    “Si, es verdad,” Jim Tile said.

    “Fo sho,” added Al Garcia.  “We true be bros.”  (pg. 268)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 4,881 ratings and 588 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.94*/5, based on 18,429 ratings and 1,120 reviews.

 

“Just one of those days … when you feel like the spit-valve on the trombone of life.”  (pg. 314)

    If you’ve never read any of Carl Hiaasen’s books. Be aware that they generally never skimp on cusswords.  I found 28 in the first 10% of this book, which is about normal.  Racial epithets also are used, and adult situations and nudity occur on a regular basis.

 

    There were only a couple of typos, mind/mine and Scaggs/Skaggs) which still surprised me since I was reading the mass-market paperback version, published by Warner Books.  But since Scaggs was as in “Ricky Scaggs”, I’m wondering if it was a deliberate error to avoid copyright issues.

 

    Also, if you’re of the Pentecostal persuasion, you probably won’t like this book.  And if you’re a dog-lover, you should probably skip it as well.

 

    I enjoyed Double Whammy.  There were no slow spots and there was enough spoofery, wit, and outrageous events (such as the culinary delights of eating roadkill) to keep me turning the pages.  This book would make a great airport or beach read.

 

    8 Stars.  I read Double Whammy during 2023 Banned Book Week (October 1-7), which turned out to be a timely effort since Wikipedia notes that in 2017 the Texas Department of Corrections put this on its list of books that inmates in its state prisons were not allowed to read.  Neither Carl Hiaasen nor I have any idea what the reasoning for this act was.  No policemen are killed in Double Whammy, and in fact, the actions of the two main cops here, Jim Tile and Al Garcia, are quite commendable.

When Elves Attack - Tim Dorsey

     2011; 192 pages.  Full Title: When Elves Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State.  Book 14 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Deck the malls with bongs of folly!  Serge Storms, Florida’s resident vigilante psychopath, has come down with a bad case of Christmas spirit.  His pal Coleman is happy to go along with whatever plans Serge has as long as drugs and booze are included.

 

    Serge feels the holiday season is too stressful, and it’s time for everyone to chill out.  Shopping malls should be places to relax and mingle, and freeways should be bastions of courteous driving.  People should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.

 

    As always, Serge has a game plan.  It involves some wardrobe adjustments, bright shades of red and green, and pointy hats.

 

    Because what Christmas in Florida needs is more ELVES!!

 

What’s To Like...

   The main question to ask about When Elves Attack is whether Tim Dorsey can seamlessly blend a nutzo psychopathic protagonist into a Christmas-themed storyline.  I’m happy to report that the answer to that is “yes”.  Serge and Coleman don elf costumes and run around doing good deeds for others, at least within the confines of what Serge defines as “good”.

 

    The other side of the question is whether the story still retains enough sex and drugs and senseless violence to satisfy the faithful readers of Tim Dorsey's series.  Again, the answer is “yes”.  When Elves Attack has three instances of Serge’s innovative “vigilante justice”, which is about average for his novels.

 

    A bunch of recurring characters show up for the holiday festivities, including the G-Unit (one of them writes the prologue), and the sexy duo of City and Country (I still haven’t figured out which one’s the blonde), but sadly, neither any of the cops from earlier escapades (the police here are mostly mall cops), nor Johnny Vegas (who would only spoil the Christmas spirit) make an appearance.

 

    As always, the zany plotline zips along briskly, and there are a fair number of malefactors and grinches to pity as they cross paths with Serge.  As always, everything takes place in various locales in Florida: here we get to visit Tampa, Lakeland, and St. Pete Beach.  The title reference comes about a quarter of the way through the book, and absolutely no one will be surprised as to the identities of the “attacking elves”.

 

    I liked the Shirley Temple quote in the epigraph, and enjoyed learning the historical background to a small hamlet called Christmas, Florida. Yes, it really exists, and you can read about its name's origin in Wikipedia.  I chuckled at the “Yule Log” that was worked into the story, and thought some of the author’s views on the polarizing “War on Christmas” were spot on.

 

    The ending was a bit “tame” for a Serge Storms novel, but hey, some allowance has to be made for this being a Christmas-themed novel.  All the plot threads are tied up, the baddies are disposed of, and Serge and Coleman can settle in to wait for Santa, knowing that they’ve helped spread a bit of holiday cheer.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 563 ratings and 276 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.81/5 based on 2,731 ratings and 351 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Christmas should be about the innocence of children—and adults reverting to children to rediscover their innocence.  That’s why we’re in elf suits.  We’re taking Christmas back!”

    “So how do we spread this good cheer?”

    “Maybe by skipping.  Let’s try skipping.  You see someone skipping, and you wish wars would stop.  Children skip all the time, but you become an adult and forget to skip.  Let’s skip.”

    “Wait up!”  Coleman skipped alongside Serge.  “But I still don’t get this elf thing.  How can we be elves if the mall didn’t hire us?”

    “And that’s what everyone thinks.”  Serge skipped and waved at curious shoppers.  “But there’s no law that says you can’t just unilaterally decide to be an elf, buy a costume, and hit the mall.”  (loc. 464)

 

    “Did you take something again?”

    “Oh no, absolutely not,” said Coleman.  “No, no, no.  Yes, actually a lot.”

    “What did you take?”

    “Mistletoe.”

    Serge blinked hard.  “Mistletoe?”

    Coleman nodded, snatching at the air with his hand for a nonexistent glow bug.  “Mistletoe gets you high.”

    “But mistletoe’s poisonous,” said Serge.  “Extremely poisonous.  Severe gastrointestinal toxin, and a potentially life-threatening drop in pulse.  The hallucinations are just a side effect.”

    “Fair trade off.”  Coleman snatched the air again.  “Cool.”  (loc. 2049)

 

 Kindle Details…

    When Elves Attack currently sells for $13.99 at Amazon.  That seems a bit steep to me for a book that’s only half as long as a typical Serge Storms novel.  But hey, ‘tis the season to maximize profits.  The other books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $14.99.

 

“Please don’t judge all elves by this one incident.” (loc. 1589)

    The quibbles are the usual ones.  There’s some cussing (13 instances in the first 10%) and a couple of rolls-in-the-hay (mostly on the floor, actually), and lots of booze and drugs consumed, mostly by Coleman.  Serge’s methods of meting out judgment is not to everyone’s taste, although I always look forward to those inventive techniques he (Serge/Tim Dorsey) comes up with.

 

    I suppose my only real beef is with the brevity of the book, a mere 192 pages.  But somehow I get the feeling that when most authors sit down to pen a "Christmas edition" for their series, they typically shorten it to half the usual length and don’t use up any of their best ideas for the plotline.

 

    8 Stars.  When Elves Attack was my “Christmas read” for 2022, and to be honest, it entertained me from start to finish.  Serge and Coleman played the roles of sprightly old elves with enthusiasm and effectiveness.  Now I’ve got another 12 months to decide what my 2023 holiday book should be.

McNally's Dare - Vincent Lardo

   2003; 308 pages.  New Author? : No, and no.  Book 12 (out of 13) in the Archy McNally series.  Genres : Private Investigator Mysteries; Florida Noir.   Overall Rating: 6*/10.

 

    Talk about a party pooper!  Jeff Rodgers sure is one.

 

    He was working as a waiter at Malcolm MacNiff’s la-di-dah party held at the close of his fundraising “Tennis Everyone” tournament, and somehow managed to drown himself in the swimming pool while on break.   Hmmph.  He was probably high on booze or drugs or something.

 

    Archy McNally, our protagonist Private Investigator (he prefers the phrase “Discreet Inquirer”), was at the party too, having participated in the tennis tournament.  The pool that Jeff drowned in was somewhat out of the way, which is most likely why no one saw him when he fell in.  It’s very sad, but accidents like that happen occasionally.

 

    Except the Palm Beach Police have just announced Jeff Rodgers was murdered.  Archy has some sleuthing to do.

 

What’s To Like...

    McNally’s Dare is the twelfth, and penultimate book in this series.  The series' original author was Lawrence Sanders, who passed away after the seventh book.  Vincent Lardo accepted the opportunity to continue the series, and contributed another six stories, putting them out at more-or-less one each year.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV, Archy’s, and the setting is the greater Palm Beach, Florida area.  Both of these are norms for the series.  Archy is the self-confident, somewhat spoiled junior partner of the law firm McNally & Son, Attorney-at-Law.  Father generally takes care of the legal aspects of the business; Archy takes care of the legwork.

 

    The death of Jeff Rodgers at the posh MacNiff estate is a social embarrassment to the Palm Beach upper crust, and no less than three different clients engage Archy’s services, all emphasizing him to be discreet.  The case quickly becomes more complex: there are rumors of blackmail, illegitimate heirs, and impostors putting on airs.  There are clues to decipher as we tag along with Archy, but also some red herrings to keep us on our toes.

 

    I liked the brief literary nod to Willy Loman, as well as a couple basic phrases I learned in French 101: “Touché” and “N’est ce pas?”.  The title reference comes on page 293, but it doesn’t really impact the storyline.

 

    Everything builds to decent, slightly twisty, but not very exciting ending.  Archy solves the Who, How, and Why of the crime and the baddies are proven guilty, which turned out to be the most challenging aspect of the investigation.  McNally’s Dare is both a standalone novel and part of a series.  I’m not reading the books in order, and I don’t think that matters.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 273 ratings and 84 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.86*/5, based on 1,205 ratings and 53 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “A lot of kings bit the dust in Aunt Margaret’s lifetime.  The medication had her indulging in a remembrance of things past, as some writers put it.”

    Proust, if my brief but memorable at old Eli served.  I recalled a classmate who had actually read Proust.  For penance he served four years, graduated summa cum laude, and made millions as a pioneer in waste disposal.  I read The Power of Positive Thinking and am now eking out a living counting toes.  Is there a lesson to be learned in this?  (pg. 235)

 

    I left Father tugging on his whiskers and retired to my penthouse digs where I undressed, washed, brushed and donned a silk kimono in white with a scarlet obi.  This was presented to me by a lady friend who was a Shintoist.  I was a convert for the duration of our relationship, which was conducted on a mat.  She left me for a karate instructor who came with his own mat, and I was left holding the kimono.  (pg. 244)

 

How I longed for a refreshing cup of hemlock.  (pg. 132)

    There’s very little cussing in McNally’s Dare.  I counted just five instances in the first third of the book, and they were all just variations of the mild expletives: “hell” and “damn”.  The book opens with Archy going undercover (literally) at a massage parlor, but there’s nothing lewd about the ensuing sting.  Joint-smoking and amphetamines get a brief mention later on, but drug usage never figures into the storyline.

 

    My big issue with McNally’s Dare is the crime investigation.  We eschew spoilers in these reviews, so let’s just say Archy, and others, including myself, all latched onto a prime suspect pretty quickly, and nothing much along the way dissuaded any of us from our hunch. I like my murder mysteries to throw surprises at me and this book didn’t do that.

 

    6 Stars.  This was my third Archy McNally book, the other two are reviewed here and here, and were penned, one each, by Lawrence Sanders and Vincent Lardo.  McNally’s Dare was definitely the least impressive of the three, but maybe by this book Lardo was running out of good and innovative ideas for a murder-mystery.  Or maybe I’ve just outgrown the series.

Tiger Shrimp Tango - Tim Dorsey

    2014; 307 pages.  Book 17 (out of 25) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Watch out, Floridians!  You’ve always had lots of scammers trying to steal your assets, but there’s a new bunch of them in town, and they’ve been organized into a gang by a very savvy leader.  You’ve never faced *teams* of scammers before.

 

    Watch out, scammers!  Serge Storms has become aware of your nefarious activities and has appointed himself your judge and executioner, with the blessing and aid of his ally, the Private Investigator Mahoney.  Serge has been meting out justice on you guys for seventeen books now.

 

    Watch out, Serge!  The leader of the scammers has resources you’ve never encountered before.  He is capable of figuring out who you are, and arranging to have you eliminated.  You’ve never faced such a clever opponent before.

 

    You and Coleman may have met your match this time.

What’s To Like...

   Tiger Shrimp Tango follows Tim Dorsey’s standard formula for a Serge Storms saga:  nasty swindlers ripping off gullible but upstanding Florida citizens, Serge thinking up karmic ways to get rid of the bad guys while each time technically leaving them a way out (which the baddies never end up choosing)., and Coleman supplying Cheech-&-Chong-ish sage advice as to the proper usage of drugs and booze. 

 

    On top of that, there’s also lots of witty dialogue by Serge, and all sorts of Florida-related cultural trivia, most of which sounds made-up but all of which is factual.  For example, the reader is introduced to a lady named Brownie Wise (c’mon now, who would name their daughter “Brownie”?), who Serge claims invented and developed the concept of “Tupperware Parties”.  I looked her up in Wikipedia, she was real, and she plied her trade in Florida.

 

    Those who read this series for Serge’s bizarre executions will be happy to know that no less than eight baddies fall victim to his contraptions, although out of concern for spoilers, we’ll refrain from giving any details.  There's some science in the story too: the “build your own volcano” brought back junior high school science project memories, while the “Mentos in an ice cube” trick was new to me.  Also, I can thoroughly relate to Serge’s “self-check-out woes at the grocery store” ordeal.

 

    I chuckled at the mention of the old TV program The Ghost and Mrs. Muir; I haven’t thought about that show in decades.  The use of a rotary phone and accessing the Yellow Pages were pleasant anachronisms, and I was impressed that Tim Dorsey knows all about a chemical engineering phenomenon called the “Venturi Effect”.

 

    The ending is good, with a nice little twist thrown in to save the day.  Serge gets fooled a couple of times leading up to it; I like stories where the protagonist is fallible.  All the plot threads get tied up neatly. Tiger Shrimp Tango is both a standalone novel and part of a series.  I’m not reading the series in order, and don’t think I’m missing much, although there was an exception to that here.  See below.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 429 ratings and 253 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.95/5 based on 1,966 ratings and 246 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Down on the street, people’s lives bounce off one another like eight balls in Frankie’s billiard joint, until one of them lands in the corner pocket of my office.  They pay two hundred clams up front to spill their guts about frame jobs, missing identical twins and alimony.  Most of them stink up my oxygen with alibis that are as shaky as an analogy that doesn’t fit.

    But this next one was a broad.  She knocked on my door like knuckles hitting wood.  I told her to have a seat and gave her a hankie.  She blew her nose like a British ambulance, and her sob story had more twists than a dragon parade in Chinatown.  (loc. 70)

 

    “Alfonso, Serge here.  I need a favor … What do you mean you don’t want that kind of trouble? … When has anything ever gone wrong? … That was just that one time … Okay, twice … Okay, now that time I did not burn down your warehouse … No, it was an electrical short from shoddy contractors … I did not overload the circuits making a Tesla arc transmitter to create artificial bursts of indoor lightning.”  (loc. 2016)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Tiger Shrimp Tango currently sells for $6.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series range in price from $3.99 to $7.99, with the exception of the most recent book, Mermaid Confidential, which for now costs $14.99.

 

“You almost expect to see people start farting Legos.” (loc. 971)

    The quibbles are minor and mostly cited for the benefit of any new readers to the series.  There is lots of partaking of drugs and alcohol, mostly courtesy of Serge’s trusty sidekick Coleman.  There’s a fair amount of cussing (25 instances in the first 20%), one roll-in-the-hay, and several allusions to doing it.  And perhaps most importantly, if you don’t like the concept of vigilante justice, do NOT read any of the books in this series.

 

    As mentioned above, there was one plotline carried over, presumably from the previous book in the series, Riptide Ultra-Glide, which I haven’t read.  Serge apparently loses a love interest in that book, Felicia, and her killer gets away.  Serge settles up here, and it was just a very minor distraction for me.

 

    Lastly but leastly, the dog dies.

 

    If none of these quibbles bother you, and if you’re looking for a “beach novel” type of story, featuring a psychopathic anti-hero with a loyal-but-always-stoned sidekick, then Tiger Shrimp Tango, or any other book from this series will be perfectly suited for you.  Tim Dorsey appears to churn a new book in the series, like clockwork, once a year, every year, and usually in January.  He's been doing so since 1999 (the only exception being 2011, when he published a second one, but it was a Christmas special), and I don’t think he has any intention of breaking that streak.

 

    8 Stars.  Speaking of Tupperware Parties (were we?), many, many years ago, quite by accident, I found myself attending one.  While tripping on acid.  Coleman would have been proud of me.  The ladies there were very tolerant of my situation, and did their best to make me feel at home.  Still, if you ever find yourself under a the influence of hallucinogens, I recommend avoiding Tupperware parties like the plague.

Gator a-Go-Go - Tim Dorsey

     2010; 337 pages.  Book 12 (out of 25) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    “It’s the holidays!  Go out and buy lots of beer and ice, pack it all in the cooler, throw it and a couple changes of clothes in the back seat and hop in.  We’re driving to Florida!!”

 

    “Sounds great.  Where are we going to stay, and what are we going to do down there?”

 

    “We’ll find some cheap motel somewhere and cram in as many people as we can find.  It’ll cut down on expenses.  After that, it’s booze, bikinis, and bongs!”

 

    “Hmm.  I thought it would involve firecrackers, exchanging gifts, or snarfing down turkey.  Tell me again which holiday we’ll be celebrating.”

 

    The biggest one they have in Florida!  SPRING BREAK!!

 

What’s To Like...

   There are three main storylines to follow in Gator A-Go-Go: a.) Serge’s quest to chronicle the history of Florida's famed spring break, b.) a gang of professional killers plying their trade, and c.) a father and son in a federal witness protection program whose cover has been compromised.  It isn’t difficult to see how those last two plotlines converge, the challenge lies in guessing how Serge is going to get dragged into the mix.

 

    There are a lot of running gags in this series, including Coleman’s imparting of stoner knowledge to the huddled masses and his obsession with doing cannonballs in pools; the travails of Johnny Vegas, otherwise known as “the reluctant virgin”; and, most noteworthy of all, Serge’s sense of vigilante justice and innovative executions.  For those who eagerly follow that last one, I counted seven of them here.  Several recurring secondary characters show up to entertain us again, including Agent Mahoney; Serge’s sexy girlfriends: City and Country; and my favorites, the biker grannies, Edith, Eunice, Edna and, Ethel.

 

    We get to go on a nice tour of the Florida party beaches while learning the history of spring break there; presumably most of it was factual.  The story behind how Daytona Beach got its name was equally enlightening.  The excerpt from the children’s book that Serge is writing, called “Shrimp Boat Surprise” was surprisingly well-penned, as were his Christmas letter and his commencement speech at a local kindergarten class.

 

    I enjoyed Coleman’s contributions about proper partying, even if I already knew about the “designated decoy”, and the “Seventh Son of a Seventh Son”, the latter of which is verifiably true.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen Bella Abzug get mentioned, ditto for New Hampshire’s now-defunct “Old Man of the Mountain”, which I saw as a kid before it crumbled.  The chemistry nod (DMSO) was neat; so were the music references to Randy Newman, The Eagles, and one of my favorite groups, The Doors.

 

    Everything builds to a nicely-crafted ending.  You kind of know who’s going to be in the big showdown and how it will play out, but the fun’s in the details of Serge’s carefully-laid plans, parts of which go unexpectedly awry, which I always appreciate.

 

    The last chapter is essentially an epilogue focusing on a number of the secondary characters.  Gator a-Go-Go is both a standalone novel and part of a 25-book series.  I am not reading this series in order, but other than forgetting and having to get reacquainted with some of the recurring characters, I don’t feel like I’m missing much.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 266 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.13/5 based on 2,687 ratings and 215 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Are you ready?  Bet you can’t wait!  Knock-knock!  Hi.  I’m opportunity!”  Serge placed a pile of large, thick-stock white cards on the counter.  He flipped up the top one, covered with Magic Marker handwriting.

    NO SOLICITING.

    The clerk scratched his head.  “You’re soliciting to sell ‘No Soliciting’ signs?”

    “I know!  Can’t believe it hasn’t been thought of before: The perfect mix of product and presentation.  We came in here creating a problem and providing the solution.”  (loc. 304)

 

    “Unfortunately, my plan leaves us trapped without escape from Guillermo’s murderous retaliation.”

    “I usually prefer a way out of that.”

    “Most people do, which is why I added liquor to the Master Plan’s cocktail.  It simultaneously accomplishes both objectives: taking out the target and creating an escape clause.”

    “How does it do that?”

    “Through a potent mix of French cuisine and The Simpsons.”  (loc. 3139)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Gator A-Go-Go sells for $6.99 at Amazon right now.  The other 24 books in the series range from $1.99 to $12.99, with the more recent ones generally having the higher prices.  I don’t think Tim Dorsey has written any other books, other than a short (96 pages) “Selected Articles and Essays” release titled Squall Lines, which will cost you $3.99.

 

“As the saying goes, the difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.” (loc. 244)

    The quibbles are miniscule.  There’s a lot of cussing (22 instances in the first 10%), some adult situations (though nothing lewd), and tons and tons of drugs and booze.  If these things offend you, you probably will also be aghast at Serge’s vigilante acts.

 

    It’s also true that the stories in this series are formulaic.  Tim Dorsey may shuffle the Florida history lessons, the backgrounds of the perpetrators and their victims, and the places visited in the Sunshine State, but the template is the same: Serge gets obsessed with Florida, bad guys interfere with his obsession by threatening good folks, bad guys are disposed of in innovative ways, good folks rejoice.  Some of us happen to really like that formula.

 

    If there was any sort of tie-in between the story and the book’s title, I never noticed it.  And last and probably worst, someone really needs to update Tim Dorsey’s Wikipedia page.

 

    8 Stars.  Gator a-Go-Go is a fun, fast-paced, ideal beach read with lots of laughs, drugs, and violence, with little or nothing to be taken seriously.  I know what to expect from a Serge Storms novel, and yet again, was not in any way disappointed.