2011; 192 pages. Full Title: When Elves
Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine
State.
Book 14 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.
New Author? : No. Genres: Florida
Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.
Overall
Rating : 8*/10.
Deck the malls with bongs of folly! Serge Storms, Florida’s resident vigilante psychopath, has come down with a bad case of Christmas spirit. His pal Coleman is happy to go along with
whatever plans Serge has as long as drugs and booze are included.
Serge feels the holiday season
is too stressful, and it’s time for everyone to chill out. Shopping malls should be places to relax and
mingle, and freeways should be bastions of courteous driving. People should be building each other up, not
tearing each other down.
As always, Serge has a game
plan. It involves some wardrobe
adjustments, bright shades of red and green, and pointy hats.
Because what Christmas in Florida
needs is more ELVES!!
What’s To Like...
The main question to ask about When Elves Attack is whether Tim Dorsey can seamlessly blend
a nutzo psychopathic protagonist into a Christmas-themed storyline. I’m happy to report that the answer to that
is “yes”. Serge and Coleman don elf
costumes and run around doing good deeds for others, at least within the
confines of what Serge defines as “good”.
The other side of the question
is whether the story still retains enough sex and drugs and senseless violence
to satisfy the faithful readers of Tim Dorsey's series.
Again, the answer is “yes”. When Elves Attack has three instances of Serge’s innovative “vigilante justice”, which is about average
for his novels.
A bunch of recurring
characters show up for the holiday festivities, including the G-Unit (one of them writes the prologue), and the
sexy duo of City and Country (I still haven’t
figured out which one’s the blonde), but sadly, neither any of the cops
from earlier escapades (the police here are mostly
mall cops), nor Johnny Vegas (who
would only spoil the Christmas spirit) make an appearance.
As always, the zany plotline
zips along briskly, and there are a fair number of malefactors and grinches to
pity as they cross paths with Serge. As
always, everything takes place in various locales in Florida: here we get to
visit Tampa, Lakeland, and St. Pete Beach.
The title reference comes about a quarter of the way through the book,
and absolutely no one will be surprised as to the identities of the “attacking
elves”.
I liked the Shirley Temple
quote in the epigraph, and enjoyed learning the historical background to a
small hamlet called Christmas, Florida. Yes, it really exists, and you can read
about its name's origin in Wikipedia. I chuckled at the
“Yule Log” that was worked into the story, and thought some of the author’s views
on the polarizing “War on Christmas” were spot on.
The ending was a bit “tame”
for a Serge Storms novel, but hey, some allowance has to be made for this being
a Christmas-themed novel. All the plot
threads are tied up, the baddies are disposed of, and Serge and Coleman can settle in to wait for Santa,
knowing that they’ve helped spread a bit of holiday cheer.
Ratings…
Amazon:
4.5/5
based on 563 ratings and 276 reviews..
Goodreads: 3.81/5 based on 2,731
ratings and 351 reviews.
Excerpts...
“Christmas should be about the innocence of
children—and adults reverting to children to rediscover their innocence. That’s why we’re in elf suits. We’re taking Christmas back!”
“So how do we spread this good cheer?”
“Maybe by skipping. Let’s try skipping. You see someone skipping, and you wish wars
would stop. Children skip all the time,
but you become an adult and forget to skip.
Let’s skip.”
“Wait up!”
Coleman skipped alongside Serge.
“But I still don’t get this elf thing.
How can we be elves if the mall didn’t hire us?”
“And that’s what everyone thinks.” Serge skipped and waved at curious
shoppers. “But there’s no law that says
you can’t just unilaterally decide to be an elf, buy a costume, and hit the
mall.” (loc. 464)
“Did you take something again?”
“Oh no, absolutely not,” said Coleman. “No, no, no.
Yes, actually a lot.”
“What did you take?”
“Mistletoe.”
Serge blinked hard. “Mistletoe?”
Coleman nodded, snatching at the air with
his hand for a nonexistent glow bug.
“Mistletoe gets you high.”
“But mistletoe’s poisonous,” said
Serge. “Extremely poisonous. Severe gastrointestinal toxin, and a
potentially life-threatening drop in pulse.
The hallucinations are just a side effect.”
“Fair trade off.” Coleman snatched the air again. “Cool.” (loc. 2049)
When
Elves Attack currently sells for $13.99 at Amazon. That seems a bit steep to me for a book
that’s only half as long as a typical Serge Storms novel. But hey, ‘tis the season to maximize
profits. The other books in the series
range in price from $5.99 to $14.99.
“Please don’t judge
all elves by this one incident.” (loc. 1589)
The quibbles are the usual
ones. There’s some cussing (13 instances in the first 10%) and a couple
of rolls-in-the-hay (mostly on the floor,
actually), and lots of booze and drugs consumed, mostly by
Coleman. Serge’s methods of meting out
judgment is not to everyone’s taste, although I always look forward to those
inventive techniques he (Serge/Tim Dorsey)
comes up with.
I suppose my only real beef is
with the brevity of the book, a mere 192 pages.
But somehow I get the feeling that when most authors sit down to pen a "Christmas
edition" for their series, they typically shorten it to half the usual length
and don’t use up any of their best ideas for the plotline.
8 Stars. When Elves Attack was my “Christmas read” for 2022, and to be honest, it entertained me from start to finish. Serge and Coleman played the roles of sprightly old elves with enthusiasm and effectiveness. Now I’ve got another 12 months to decide what my 2023 holiday book should be.
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