Tourist Season - Carl Hiaasen

1986; 378 pages.  Genre : Florida Crime Noir.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    Florida is overcrowded.  Too many tourists and convention-goers come every year, to say nothing of the slew of geezers who have retired here permanently for the year-round sunshine.  Thanks to the Chamber of Commerce, swamps are being drained and artificial islands created, all to lure more visitors.

    Someone ought to persuade all the interlopers to stay away or move back north.  The alternative is to simply start killing them off.  Come to think of it, the latter might just bring about the former.

What's To Like...
    Tourist Season was published in 1986, 15 years before 9/11, when terrorists could still be portrayed as something other than utterly evil fanatics.  Here, the group is called Las Noches de Diciembre (The Nights of December) and they are inept, committed, funny, and ruthless.

    The protagonist is Brian Keyes, a PI who used to be a journalist.  He's got strings to pull at both the newspapers and the Miami PD, and he somehow makes women want to go to bed with him.  Besides trying to stop LNdD, he has to bodyguard Kara Lynn Shivers, this year's Orange Bowl Queen.   Kara's a much stronger character than your stereotypical bikini-beauty-bimbo.

    What's really kewl about Tourist Season is the equal treatment Carl Hiaasen gives to both the terrorists and the good guys.  Yes, LNdD are a bunch of psychopathic losers, but at least they have a noble cause.  Kinda.  You might even find yourself pulling for Pavlov, the trained crocodile.  (Do not call him an alligator!).

Kewlest New Word...
Insouciance : having or showing freedom from worries or trouble.

Excerpts...
    It was two years ago that Jenna had dumped him for Wiley - Wiley, of all people!  Why couldn't it have been an artist, or a concert musician, or some anorexic-looking poet from the Grove?  Anyone but Skip Wiley - and right in the bitter worst of the Callie Davenport business.  What a couple: Jenna, who adored Godunov and Bergman; and Wiley, who once launched a write-in campaign to get Marilyn Chambers an Oscar.  (pg. 61)

    The kennel club bomb actually was a small land mine, a rudimentary imitation claymore, which Jesus Bernal had buried on the second turn of the track.  The greyhound that triggered the mine was a speedy dam named Blistered Sister who went off at 20-to-1.  Literally.  One second there were eight lank dogs churning along the rail, and the next they were airborne, inside-out.  It was a mess.  The blast took out a sixty-foot stretch of racetrack and disrupted betting for hours.  Blistered Sister, whose brindle carcass landed closest to the finish wire, was ruled the winner...   (pgs. 177-78)

"Strangled to death is redundant, doesn't he know that?" (pg. 106)
    Tourist Season made me laugh. and that's always a plus.  It was Carl Hiaasen's debut novel, and not surprisingly, it seems a bit uneven.  Some of the deaths are given in gory detail, others are curiously sanitized.  The struggle between the good guys and the bad guys is spotlighted throughout the length of the book, yet the ending itself dangles.

    On a deeper level, though, Tourist Season is Carl Hiaasen's commentary on the state of the State of Florida - the urbanization, the eco-wrecking, and the loss of heritage.  In that regard, the book succeeds nicely.  7½ Stars, and Floridans can add another 1½ stars for topicality.

Death of a Kingdom - M. Edward McNally

2011; 398 pages.  Genre : Epic Fantasy.  Book # 2 of The Norothian Cycle.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    Change looms in the Norothian world, perhaps on an unprecedented scale.  It is already touching Tilda's band of adventurers.  Nesha-Tari sails east to do her Master's bidding.  John Deskata rides north to contest the throne of Miilark.  Tilda and Phin have "baggage" issues.  The Duchess Claudja wants to get back to her homeland of Chengdea, where her father's open rebellion will surely lead to war.

    And the dragons have their own agendas.

What's To Like...
   The time is about two weeks after the end of Book 1, and the action starts immediately.  The accompanying map is more inclusive, which is good since M. Edward McNally brings some new lands into the story.

    John Deskata is gone; we won't see him again until Book 3.  As a replacement, we get a Codian princess, Allison.  Be not beguiled by her youth and diminuitive size; you do not want to get into a fight with her, with or without weapons.  We meet some new species - a half-elf and a way-kewl minotaur(ess).  Nesha-Tari's quest is told in a separate storyline, and she picks up some interesting traveling companions.  The arch-fiend, Balan, is back; and he's in a foul mood.

    One of the kewlest things about Death of a Kingdom is the treatment of the heroes themselves.  Their spirits may be noble, but not all their actions are.  Three people die because of one hero's carelessness, there is an unprovoked military excursion, and well... um..., a girl's gotta eat, right?  Personally, I like my characters like this - not all white or all black. "Gray" is fashionable in Epic Fantasy.

Kewlest New Word...
Breeks : a Scottish term for breeches.

Excerpts...
    "You have never really said if you adhere to any Norothian faith in particular.  I am trying to recall, but I believe you have taken each of the Ennead's names in vain, in roughly equal measure."  (...)
    "Faith tends to be fairly malleable in the Rivens, as if you feel too strongly for one-or-another deity, you are probbably going to have to march against someone else's followers at some point.  Or else, they will come for you.  There are not many big churches, either.  Too inviting a target once a war gets rolling.  Most of us pray to anyone we think will isten, depending on circumstance."  (location 989)

    Claudja watched the old Chengdean sergeant sight along the shaft of Zeb's crossbow, test the pull, then salute him.  He said a few polite words in Daulic the Minauan only blinked at, then turned and started to leave, taking Zeb's bow with him.
    "Hey, what the... what was that?" Zeb asked, turning to Claudja.  "I rahter need my bow, your Grace."
    Claudja looked at the puzzled man calmly.  "Zebulon, that man is a skilled marksman without a weapon.  I have seen you miss enemies from five paces.  This is simply a more efficient deployment of resources."
    "You wound me, Duchess."
    "And you wound nothing you aim at.  Come with me."  (location 5746)

Kindle Details...
   I paid $4.99 for DoaK at Amazon, which is pretty reasonable for a 400-page book.  But you really should read the first book in the series, The Sable City (500 pages in length, and reviewed here), which you can pick up for $2.99.

"It seems the things we do here are doomed to be of significance."  (location 6360)
    The book's main storyline is well-crafted.  It builds to a climactic battle, and the ending both wraps things up nicely and points to further adventures.  You might get a little tired of Nesha-Tari riding over hill and dale with her bickering companions, but have patience.  You will be well rewarded once they arrive at Ayzantu City.

    Death of a Kingdom is a worthy sequel to The Sable City.  New characters are introduced, existing ones are developed further (especially Nesha-Tari), and the overlying story evolves from a simple quest to the dawning of a New Order.  Isn't that what sequels are supposed to do?  8½ Stars.

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

2008; 374 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Dystopian Thriller.  Book #1 of the Hunger Games trilogy.  Overall Rating : 10*/10.

    Woohoo!  Katniss Everdeen has won the lottery.  That means she gets an all-expenses-paid train trip to The Capitol, a whole new wardrobe, and she'll be eating better than she ever has in her whole life.

    The downside is that she has to compete in the Hunger Games.  24 teenagers (a girl and a boy from each of the 12 districts) fight to the death in a huge, artificially-rendered arena.  The event is televised nationally for the entertainment and punishment of the districts.  Be the last one alive, and your district receives extra food and other resources.  Be any of the other 23, and all you are is dead.

What's To Like...
    The Hunger Games will appeal to almost everyone.  It's a YA novel that adults will also enjoy.  It has Action, Drama, Romance, Thrills, and Kills.  Despite the inevitable ending, there are plot twists to keep your interest.  And plenty of Situational Ethics for you to ponder.

    Suzanne Collins handles the dystopian backdrop well.  She gives enough details for you to feel the misery and oppression, but not to the point of where the storyline gets overshadowed.

    The characters are complex and evolve as the story progresses.  There are good guys, bad guys, and a number of "tweeners".  Even the baddies evoke some sympathy, which is a pleasant surprise.  But in the end, only one can survive.

Excerpts...
    (W)e make an effort to keep on good terms with Greasy Sae.  She's the only one who can consistently be counted on to buy wild dog.  We don't hunt them on purpose, but if you're attacked and you take out a dog or two, well, meat is meat.  "Once it's in the soup, I'll call it beef," Greasy Sae says with a wink.  No one in the Seam would turn up their nose at a good leg of wild dog, but the Peacekeepers who come to the Hob can afford to be a little choosier.  (pg. 11)

    Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
    A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
    Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
    And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

    Here it's safe, here it's warm
    Here the daisies guard you from every harm
    Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
    Here is the place where I love you.  (pg. 235)

"District Twelve.  Where you can starve to death in safety."  (pg. 6)
    So how good of a story is The Hunger Games?  Well, consider this.  The first third of the book is all about Katniss prepping for the games.  Which means it's all drama.  No killing, no action, no romance.  Yet it will keep you in your chair, turning the pages.  Then the games begin, the excitement kicks in, and you find yourself thoroughly hooked.

    There are a couple deus ex machinas, but they balance out all the "Bruce Willis Die Hard" injuries that Katniss sustains, so they're forgiveable.

    The Hunger Games is easy-to-read (it really is a YA novel), with an ending that's both happy and haunting.  The big challenge is for the other two books of the trilogy to maintain the high standard.  10 Stars.

The Portable Door - Tom Holt

2003; 404 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Contemporary Humor; Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    For the first time in his brief working career, Paul Carpenter has a steady, full-time, paying job.  Of course, the work (filing) is boring, the Management Team seems like it just fell out of Tales From The Crypt, and there are strange rules about working late and arriving early.

    Then there's the other newly-hired clerk.  She's a skinny plain-Jane, has a crappy personality, likes artists for boyfriends, and seems to be always irritated with Paul.

   Perhaps Romance is about to walk into Paul's life.  But if so, it will have to step around that giant Arthurian sword-in-the-stone that just appeared in his apartment.

What's To Like...
    The Portable Door has the usual Tom Holt formula.  It starts out normal, then something surreal happens.  Then a second piece of weirdness is added.  And a third; and a fourth.  And so on.  Pretty soon we're up to our necks in strangeness, and wondering whether Holt's capable of juggling, let alone resolving, all the madness.

     Our hero and heroine are more ordinary than heroic, and I like that.  There's some time- and dimension-hopping, which is always a plus for me.  There's wit and surprises, and maybe-just-maybe some romance.  And last-but-not-least, there's the ultra-kewl Portable Door.

Kewlest New Word...
Bedsit : a one-room apartment typically consisting of a combined bedroom and sitting room with cooking facilities.  (Now you know what that Moody Blues line, "bedsitter people look back and lament" is all about).

Excerpts...
    "Who would you rather be, Lloyd George or Gary Rhodes?"
    "Sorry," Paul said.  "Who's Lloyd George?"
    "What do you most admire about the works of Chekhov?"
    Paul frowned.  "I don't know," he said.  "The way he says, Course laid in, keptin, is pretty cool, but mostly he doesn't get to do much."  (pg. 11)

    She smiled.  "You know," she said, "you've put me in mind of something a kid like you said to me once, not long after we'd had a chat pretty much on the lines of this one, where I'd told him to watch his back, and he said, Yeah, sure.  Always stuck in my mind, it has, what he said then."
    "Really?  What was that, then?"
    "Aaaaargh," Mr. Tanner's mum replied.  "Be seeing you."  (pg. 262)

Do gerbils love?  (pg. 379)
   I worried at the start of The Portable Door.  Clerical work is boring, and it takes a little time for the wackiness to start permeating the storyline.  This was my third Tom Holt book.  (the other two are here and here).  Was it going to turn out to be the first dud?

    Silly me.  Tom Holt is a masterful writer.  He was just building up the tension via unresolved bizarreness.  Halfway through the book, he starts giving us some answers, and it's a fantastic read from there on.  The myriad of loose ends are ably attended to in a very nice ending.

    The humor had me chuckling, and TPD could serve as a textbook for how to effectively use the "show-don't-tell" precept.  8½ Stars.

The Sable City - M. Edward McNally

2011; 475 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Epic Fantasy.  Book #1 of "The Norothian Cycle".  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Tilda Lanai and Captain Block are hunting the rogue legionnaire, John Deskata.  Zebulon Baj Nif has been "borrowed" for his translating skills by a Samurai, a Healer, and their reclusive employer.  Phinneas Phoarty, a mage with the skills somewhere between Gandalf and Rincewind (probably closer to Rincewind) also gets coaxed into that group.  The Duchess Claudja Perforce and her bodyguard, Sir Lucas Towsan, are on their way to a Jobian temple.

    Everyone has hidden agendas.  All three bands (with a couple additions and subtractions) will cross paths in the muddy streets of Camp Town.  In the shadow of the Sable City.  All agendas, hidden or open, will be changed.

What's To Like...
    The Sable City pays heavy tribute to AD&D quests, along with a couple nods to LOTR (doesn't anyone go over mountains anymore?).  There are dragons and goblins, clerics and mages, devils and armies; and although elves and halflings don't show up, they are cited as if they exist.

    We follow Tilda and Block's travels exclusively for the first 8 chapters.  It's a bit of a challenge, as they're "off" the book's map (to the north).  The story has some slow spots as the author introduces you to his world and its characters, but this is all for a good cause.  Once that's out of the way, things pick up sharply, and the action flows full force the rest of the way.

    There are an adequate number of plot twists, some token romance, and enough humor to keep the overall mood from getting too dark.  The characters aren't particularly deep, but they are endearing.  Even the evil ones are fun to follow.  The ending is quite satisfying, despite this being Book One of a series.

Kewlest New Word...
Poniard (adj.) : dagger-like (here, "poniard teeth")

Excerpts...
    Zeb laid prostrate and bled, managing to do no more than slowly move his left arm across his chest to grip his right hard above the ruined elbow.  Even the slight motion of his arm against the ground sent a new wave of blaring pain over him, swimming the sky and making air hiss out between his teeth like a kettle.
    After moments that seemed much longer, Zeb's leftenant appeared over him.  He shouted for a tourniquet, then knelt and clamped both hands around Zeb's arm.
    "It could be worse," the leftenant said.  Zeb looked at him with the one eye he still had open.
    "How do you figure, sir?"
    "Well... they could have shot me."  (12% Kindle; location 1142)

    Nesha-tari had not learned her magic in the manner of an Imperial Wizard.  No Circle had neutered her mind, forcing false obstructions between her will and her power.  To release in invocation like the lightning that was the attack form favored by her Master, she did not have to memorize spells and bind their release to meaningless words, gestures, and material components.  If Nesha-tari wanted to throw lightning, she would bring it into being in her hands.  If she wanted a shield against scrying magic, it formed unseen in the air around her.  (76% Kindle; location 7127)

Kindle Details...
  I downloaded TSC for free at Amazon, but it's $2.99 now.  Death of a Kingdom (Book 2) and The Wind from Miilark (Book 3) are both $4.99.  I'm not sure if this is a trilogy or a continuing series.

Good luck wears off, the Tulls had said.  Bad luck lasts forever.  (location 400)
    The Sable City has some weaknesses, but they're minor.  M. Edward McNally goes overboard with descriptions at the outset, but this tapers off nicely once the action gets going.  The map is sucky, but perhaps it's better on the Kindle Fire than on my Kindle.

    At its core, TSC reminds me less of LOTR, and more of a Margaret Weis/Tracy Hickman series.  Some of us think that's still pretty freakin' kewl.  8 Stars.

The Stone Arrow - Richard Herley

1978; 224 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Action Adventure.  Book #1 of "The Pagans" trilogy.  Laurels : winner of the Winifred Holtby Memorial Prize.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    The time is ca. 3000 BC.  In southern Britain, a scourge is sweeping the land, uprooting fauna and flora, and displacing the local hunter-gatherers.  The scourge has a name.  It is called Farming.

    One farming village decides to speed up the displacement of a neighboring clan of hunter-gatherers.  They raid the encampment at night, killing everyone there down to the last man.  But they miss that last man, Tagart.  So what?  What can one angry man do against a fortified village of 170 people?

    Bad mistake, farmers.  Very bad mistake.

What's To Like...
    The Stone Arrow is literally non-stop action.  Tagart is resolved to avenge his tribe by killing as many of the villagers as he can.  Anyone else getting in the way will suffer the same fate.  There will be no mercy, so there is a lot of gruesome violence.  You have rape, dismemberment, torture, and cold-blooded murder of men, women, and children.  This is not a book for the squeamish.

    Richard Herley does a nice job of recreating neolithic England at this critical time in civilization.  Things like the towns, animals, and landscape are described in vivid detail, maybe a bit too much so at times.  There's some romance, and even a little humor.  At one point Tagart's ambush fails because he drops his bundle of arrows while perched in a tree.  How droll!  The pacing is frenetic, and the ending is satisfying, despite being used to set up the next book in the series.

Kewlest New Word...
Periapt : an item worn as a charm or amulet.  (archaic).

Excerpts...
    Hernou was afraid.  The savages were killers.  It was the way they lived, by hunting and killing.  They thought no more of blood and murder than did the farmers of soil and harvest.  The harsh forest life streamlined their tribes and made them strong and ruthless, like the animals they sought for their prey.  Their discipline, their life, were impossible to understand.  For them to swim free in the seasons, not to have precise tasks for each week and day, but to wander the land by whim: this alone thrust the savages far beyond comprehension.  (39%, location 1296)

    He waited, as if he were waiting for deer, exploring his thoughts.  The water-bottle lay at his side.  No mistake.  Fifty miles to Burh.  He could not risk using the Valdoe roads.  A forest route, then.  Twenty miles a day, his usual speed, would be too much for him in his present state.  Fifteen.  Allow three days.  Four at most.  Burh in four days.  Four back to Valdoe.  That left two spare days before Crale Day.
    It could be done.  He could get the girl out somehow.  (67%; location 2181)

Kindle Details...
    This was, and still is, a free download at Amazon.  The next two books in the series, The Flint Lord and The Earth Goddess, are reasonably priced at $2.99 each.

"Look what the savages have done."  (5%; location 189)
    I do have a couple quibbles with some of the historical details.  In particular, using bolas as weapons, the sport of falconry, and the wearing of (presumably metal) armor and helmets.  Were any of these really present 5,000 years ago in Britain?

    But The Stone Arrow is primarily an action tale, and only secondarily a piece of historical fiction.  So we'll forgive a few anachronisms, and be happy that Richard Herley made the effort to set the story in such a fascinating time.  8 Stars.  This is as good of a freebie download of contemporary fiction as I've found yet at Amazon.  Quite likely I'll be reading the sequels in the next couple of months.

The Princess Bride - William Goldman

1973; 398 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Fantasy.  Full Title : "S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure, The Princess Bride".  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

    The full title doesn't mislead; The Princess Bride truly is a tale of love and adventure.  It features Buttercup and Westley; pirates and swordplay; six-fingered villains and R.O.U.S.s; Fezzik and...

    ...oh, come on now.  We've all seen the movie; most of us have watched it several times.  Do I really need to do a plot synopsis?

What's To Like...
    All your favorite quips and one-liners are here.  But the book (which came first) has a lot more depth and a bunch of scenes that the movie just couldn't cover due to time constraints.  Fezzik in particular is fleshed out.  We learn about his childhood, are privy to his thoughts, and enjoy a rhyming game that he and Inigo play.  More details about Buttercup are given, sometimes to her detriment.  And there is a kewl fight through the Zoo of Death that I don't recall being in the movie.

    There is an extra "story layer" in the book.  The movie has the main tale plus Peter Falk reading the story to the little boy.  Now Goldman's fictitious editing of Morgenstern's manuscript overlays both those plotlines.

    The "extras" are a mixed bag.  There is a neat map, and the epilogue, Buttercup's Baby, gives some alluring teasers for a possible sequel, plus some answers about what happens after the film ended.  The introduction, where Goldman gives details about the making of the movie, is skippable.  And his pseudo-criticisms of Morgenstern's manuscript get irksome.

Excerpts...
    Buttercup ran to her bedroom mirror.  "Oh, Westley," she said, "I must never disappoint you," and she hurried downstairs to where her parents were squabbling.  ...  "I need your advice," she interrupted.  "What can I do to improve my personal appearance."
    "Start by bathing," her father said.
    "And do something with your hair while you're at it," her mother said.
    "Unearth the territory behind your ears."
    "Neglect not your knees."  (pg. 56)

    Did they make it?  Was the pirate ship there?  You can answer it for yourself, but, for me, I say yes it was.  And yes, they got away.  And got their strength back and had lots of adventures and more than their share of laughs.
    But that doesn't mean I think they had a happy ending either.  Because, in my opinion anyway, they squabbled a lot, and Buttercup lost her looks eventually, and one day Fezzik lost a fight and some hotshot kid whipped Inigo with a sword and Westley was never able to really sleep sound because of Humperdinck maybe being on the trail.
    I'm not trying to make this a downer, understand.  I mean, I really do think that love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.  But I also have to say, for the umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair.  It's just fairer than death, that's all.  (pg. 315)

"Inconceivable."  (pg. 100)
    There are some slow spots in The Princess Bride, particularly between when Humperdinck captures Westley and the wedding day.  This is probably unavoidable for those who have watched the movie a couple times.  You know what's going to happen, and you've memorized all the verbal zingers coming up.  When the action slows, one's interest lags.

    Nonetheless, I found this overall a fun read, simply because I could take my time to savor the good parts.  And the movie, excellent though it is, does leave a lot of unanswered questions, which Buttercup's Baby addresses.  Sadly, I don't think it will ever be developed into a full-fledged sequel.  William Goldman is 80+ years old, and seems to have settled in to doing screenplays, not novels.

    7 Stars, maybe more if you're one of the 17 people in the world who haven't seen the movie.

Madmen at the Tombs - Ilow Martin Roque

2012; 378 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Catholic Polemic.  Overall Rating : 3*/10.

    Jia Chen is going to Montreal.  Ostensibly, she will be working with the brilliant scientist, Dr. Lanning Balcourt.  But in truth, she is a spy for the Chinese government.  Ah, such intrigue!  It's a pity that her cover's been blown before she even sets foot in Canada.

What's To Like...
    The story takes place in 2165 AD, and Ilow Martin Roque does a nice job of creating a believable world set 1½ centuries in the future.  Most of the changes are technological.  Which, when you think about it, is also true of the present compared to 150 years in the past.  Global travel is faster, and there are some nifty techno-geeky gadgets for one's daily life.

   There are also sociological differences.  China now sits at the top of the economic, politicial, cultural, and technological pyramids, which is a pleasant change of pace.  The US doesn't even make it into the book.  The story opens in Hangzhou and Shanghai, China; which just happen to be the only two cities that I've visited there.  How kewl is that?!

    The storyline has a promising start.  There's a neat bit of brain surgery at 22% (Kindle).  Alas, just when you expect Madmen at the Tombs to kick it up a notch, it degenerates into a piece of Roman Catholic evangelism, and it's all downhill from there.

Kewlest New Word...
Encomium : a speech or piece of writing that bestows high praise on something or someone.

Kindle Details...
   I bought Madmen At The Tombs for $2.99 at Amazon.  It is also available in paperback for $15.33.  Amazon Prime members can read it for free, but frankly Amazon Prime seems like a royal rip-off to me.

When a necessary evil has lost its necessity, what are you left with?   (47%)
    MatT is in dire need of a good editor.   There is too much telling, and not enough showing.  There are run-on sentences and overly-descriptive paragraphs that serve no purpose.  There's too little action, and some of what is there seems unconnected to the storyline.  Even the boffo ending is diluted somewhat by Jia being unconscious when the shooting starts.  I've forgotten too much of my Mandarin to critique those passages, but the French ones are atrocious.  "Je n'est c'est pas"??  Ouch.

    All this is fixable.  What isn't is the motif of the book - Catholic doctrinism disguised as Science Fantasy.  We learn that abortion clinics promote Satanism, the evil ones use sex and drugs to further their nefarious plans, Science is a false god, cloning will herald in Armageddon, the Pope can speak and do no wrong, and China unfairly imposes their will on the local Catholic churches.  The only thing missing is the Sun revolving around the Earth.

    People who are tired of the Vatican always getting portrayed badly in books and movies (I'm thinking Angels and Demons here) might enjoy Madmen at the Tombs.  Everyone else, especially those looking for science fiction or action-adventure, should give it a pass.  3 Stars.
 

Sky Coyote - Kage Baker

1999; 310 pages.  New Author? : No.  Book #2 (of 9) in "The Company" series.  Genre : Historical Fiction; Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

    It's 1699 AD.  Joseph is a Facilitator, an Immortal, a Time-Traveler, and a Cyborg.  Also he's been a dedicated agent for a 24th-century group called "The Company" for, oh, 10,000 years or so.

    His latest assignment is simple - persuade a village of the Chumash (a California Indian tribe) to abandon their settlement before the Spanish arrive and wipe them out.  Which will happen eventually.

    But there's a ulterior motive.  The Company wants the village - lock, stock, and pottery bowls (but not the people; just their DNA) to add to their cultural antiquities collection.

   To help him in his quest, Joseph will be surgically modified (there are certain advantages to being a cyborg) to look like Sky Coyote, the local trickster god.  The Chumash are overjoyed.  It's not every day a deity comes down and visits them.

What's To Like...
  It's been a while since I read the first book (reviewed here).  Sky Coyote seems a bit "lighter" than that one; with a lot less romance (yay!) and a lot more wit.  For those who haven't read Book 1, Kage Baker provides a brief-yet-adequate backstory near the beginning.  And the prologue - set in post-Mayan Guatemala, is a hoot.

    There really was a tribe of Indians called the Chumash, but Baker opts to imbue them with modern traits.  They have trade unions, they are into astrological fortune-telling, and they tend to speak like Valley Girls.  I assume the point is to spoof the absurdity that is modern California, but it falls flat.

    Joseph is the main character, and consequently gets fleshed out a lot more than in In The Garden of Iden.  But Mendoza is along for the quest too, and she's always a draw.

Kewlest New Word...
Epergne : a type of table centerpiece, typically with a bowl that holds fruit or flowers.

Excerpts...
    "It was time for you to move on anyway," I told Mendoza consolingly.  "It was stuffy.  Decadent.  Nothing should be decadent and dull."
    "Your father was a Moorish groom and your mother performed circumcisions on soldiers," she informed me.
    "Hey, that's okay.  I know you're not really sore.  You're going to love it in California."
    "I won't be able to get a cocktail there for at least a hundred years," she brooded.  "And longer, for a Ghirardelli's hot fudge sundae."
    "Well, you hated parties, anyway."  (pg. 64)

    When a guy in a Cro-Magnon hunting party fell into a bear den, his friends would step away from the edge and wring their hands.  They'd compose sorrowful elegies about him afterward, or maybe horror stories about bears; but no way would they endanger themselves to get him out.  When a guy from a Neanderthal tribe fell into a den, though, his friends wouldn't even stop to think: they'd jump right in after him and lay about them with their fists, if they had nothing else, until the bears stopped biting or their friend managed to scramble out.
    Of course, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that eventually there were a lot fewer Neanderthals than Cro-Magnons...  (pg. 189-190)

We are the bright ascending bubbles in the black wine of mortality.  (pg. 50)
    Sky Coyote has humor, alt-history, and some incisive social commentary.  Alas, it has zero tension, and very little action.  Joseph carries out his task (this is easy when the natives think you're a god) without any delays or hitches.

    I suspect Kage Bakers's purpose in penning Sky Coyote was to advance the bigger tale.  We are introduced to several new cyborg operatives, and the first seeds of doubt about The Company's motives/benevolence are planted in Joseph's brain circuits.

    This might pay off down the line, but for now, it would've been nice to have a more compelling storyline.  The Chinigchinix might have posed more of a menace, the Chumash might have balked at moving, and/or the Spanish might have shown up ahead of schedule.  Instead, it's simply Metro - Boulot- Dodo.  6 Stars, cuz it's kinda meh, but it cooda been a lot worse.

Fact. Fact. Bullsh*t! - Neil Patrick Stewart

2011; 354 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Non-Fiction; Trivia.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Do you like Trivial Pursuit?  Is there something appealing about cluttering up your mind with obscure bits of information?  More importantly, can you tell a true statement from a bunch of baloney?

    If you answered 'yes' to these three questions, then you will probably enjoy Fact. Fact.  Bullsh*t!

What's To Like...
   Neil Patrick Stewart uses a kewl template to present the trivia :  three assertions; two of which are factual, the third of which is bullsh*t.  The phony answers are well-crafted.  I kept looking for a pattern that would give them away, and didn't find any.

    There are seven chapters : Animals, Pop Culture, Food, Dead People ("History"), Science, Sports & Games, and Miscellaneous.  Using chapters lends a nice order to the book.  I liked it better than just random entries.  They were just the right length, as was the book as a whole.

    The writing is witty; the author usually adds some more bits of trivia while giving you the answer.  And there's a couple pictures to break up the monotony of the text.

Excerpt... (a sample question; spot the BS; answer in comments)

LOL!

1. Expressions such as "LOL" (an acronym for "laughing out loud") has (sic) been proven to be beneficial for e-communication: A study at the University of Tasmania found that using Internet shorthand is twice as efficient for both sender and reader.

2. LOL is an airport in Nevada.  Lol is a place in France.  Lolol is a town in Chile.  "Lol" Tolhurst was the first drummer for the English bandThe Cure.

3. The French equivelent of "LOL" is "MDR."  Coincidentally, lol is a real word in both Welsh and Dutch, meaning "nonsense" and "fun," respectively.

Kindle Details...
    I got the book as a limited-time free-download at Amazon.  It is now selling for $8.93, and is #4/#5 in various "paid" categories there.  It's also available as a paperback for $11.16

Everyone's an Expert...
   There are a few typos and errors.  The Fact/Bullsh*t answer designations on the Marie Curie question were reversed.  And the Thomas Jefferson one was both wrong and spurious.  It almost seemed like it was a red herring, but I can't see a purpose for that.

   The only suggestion I can make is for the author to list his sources.  But, instead of at the rear of the book, how about online somewhere?  It would be a convenient resource.  Most of us, of course, wouldn't use it.  But the nit-pickers could have a field day.

    8 Stars.  Fact. Fact. Bullsh*t! is a fun, light, easy-to-read book.  I read it as I would an anthology - a few nibbles at a time. It never got tedious.

Humans - Donald Westlake

1992; 355 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Apocalyptic Fiction.  Rating : 8½*/10.

    The end of the world is at hand; God has decreed it.  And to carry it out, He's summoned one of his angels, Ananayel.  Like any angel (except for those who fell with Lucifer, and we don't talk about them), Ananayel is a faithful servant, eager and resolved to do His will.

    The plan is clear, at least to Ananayel.  It's just a matter of selecting a team of humans to carry it out, since the Man Upstairs has ordained that supernatural means are not to be used.  Ah, but if it's God's plan, then we can expect the Arch-Fiend and his minions to oppose it.  Which means, funnily enough, that they will be trying to save the world.

What's To Like...
    Ananayel's team is scattered around the globe and have one thing in common - the world has royally dumped on them all.  There's a Kenyan prostitute who has AIDS; a Russian firefighter dying from Chernobyl radiation; a Chinese democracy activist forced into hiding and running from the authorities; a washed-up Brazilian singer now futilely trying to save the rainforest; and an American ex-con petty thief whose only future is to get caught yet again and sent back to jail.

    Ananayel makes for a fascinating study as he interacts with his team and painstakingly tries to herd them towards New York.  He's a shape-shifter and can summon objects (such as a wad of cash or a car), but he is limited by having to make everything appear to be a natural occurrence.  It's fun to watch his "shepherding" as he endeavors to carry out his plan.

Kewlest New Word...
Bruit (v.) : to spread (a rumor or some news) around.

Excerpts...
    "You'll have your day in court, Kwan.  That's the name, right?  Li Kwan?  Your last name's Kwan?"
    "My family name is Li," Kwan answered.  My given name is Kwan."
    "Oh."  The man frowned some more at the papers.  "They got it backward here."
    "Li Kwan.  That's correct."
    The man smiled in sudden understanding.  "I get it!  You do it backward!  Is that a Chinese thing, or is it just you?"  (pg. 212)

    Why were they so cheerful?  By now, bitterness and sorrow should have made those five much more silent and introspective.  It must be their companionship that was raising their spirits, but unfortunately I couldn't give them a properly disheartening solitude; they had to work together.  Would they do the right thing when the time came?  Yes, they would, they would, there was no real question.  I would turn the screw until they did what I wanted.  Of their free will, of course.  (pg. 273)

Don't be afraid, you wretched vermin.  We will save you.  (pg. 117)
    The underlying theme in Humans is Free Will.  Humans theoretically have it, but Ananayel deftly maneuvers them towards his desired goal.  Angels theoretically don't have it, but unforseen counterplans call for improvisation.  And spending time in the world of humans can't help but have unscripted consequences.

    Donald Westlake's primary genre is Crime, not apocalyptic fiction.  He puts out both serious novels and the captivating and hilarous Dortmunder series.  By penning Humans, he demonstrates that a gifted author can excel in any genre.  8½ Stars.

Right Ho, Jeeves - P.G. Wodehouse

1934; 234 pages.  Genre : Humor; Classical Fiction.  New Author? : no.  Overall Rating : 7½*10.

    Bertie Wooster has a problem.  Aunt Dahlia wants him to hand out prizes to the little nippers at the upcoming Market Snodsbury Grammar School awards ceremony, and he finds the prospect frightful.

    But Bertie is also a problem-solver.  He finagles shy, newt-obsessed chum, Gussie Fink-Nottle to go visit Aunt Dahlia at her home at Brinkley Court; then coaxes her into choosing Gussie instead.

    Unfortunately, Bertie's solutions are always worse than the original problems.  Two budding romances at Brinkley Court are rapidly ruined, as is Aunt Dahlia's ploy to get her husband to cough up money for propping up her failing newspaper.

    And everyone is blaming Bertie.  There's only one thing for him to do.  Journey to Brinkley Court and solve all those problems.

What's To Like...
    Right Ho, Jeeves has the standard P.G. Wodehouse template.  It starts with a madcap escapade that quickly spins off more sideplots.  Everything keeps getting more out-of-control, and at 25 pages to go, you wonder how Wodehouse is going to tie it all up.  The twist here is that Jeeves (Bertie's valet) is forbidden to meddle in any of this, and it is Jeeves who normally wins the day.

    RH,J is told in the first-person by Bertie, and his skewed rationalizations are what drive the humor.  The wit is good, the pacing is great, and if you're already a fan of the series, you'll find a lot of old friends here.

Kewlest New Word...
    C3 : an adj. meaning inferior or worthless (as compared to "A1").

Excerpts...
    "If you knew Brinkley Court, you would not ask that question.  In those romantic surroundings you can't miss.  Great lovers through the ages have fixed up the preliminaries at Brinkley.  The place is simply ill with atmosphere.  You will stroll with the girl in the shady walks.  You will sit with her on the shady lawns.  You will row on the lake with her.  And gradually you will find yourself working up to a point where -"
    "By Jove, I believe you're right!"
    "Of course, I'm right.  I've got engaged three times at Brinkley."   (pg. 38; Kindle 15%)

    "Angela," I said, and if my voice was stern, well, whose wouldn't have been, "this is all perfect drivel."
    She seemed to come out of a reverie.  She looked at me inquiringly.
    "I'm sorry, Bertie, I didn't hear.  What were you talking drivel about?"
    "I was not talking drivel."
    "Oh, sorry, I thought you said you were."
    "Is it likely that I would come out here in order to talk drivel?"
    "Very likely."  (pg. 175; Kindle 76%)

Kindle Details...
    This is a free download at both Amazon and my local library.  And since it is now "public domain" it should stay free and always be available.

"Bertie, do you read Tennyson?"  "Not if I can help."  (pg. 220)
    This was my fourth Jeeves book, and I enjoyed it despite it following the same plot structure as the other three.  Mayhem, more mayhem, even more mayhem, Jeeves saves the day - with dry, British humor that'll make you chuckle flowing throughout.

   We'll give Right Ho, Jeeves 7½ Stars, mostly cuz there's nothing new here.  But who cares when the pattern is good and the writing  is Wodehousian witty.

Duma Key - Stephen King

2008; 609 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Contemporary Horror.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

    Edgar Freemantle is a broken man.  A construction site accident took away one of his arms, crushed a leg, and scrambled up the insides of his brain.  His wife has divorced him, and he's contemplating suicide.

    At his therapist's suggestion, he's moved from Minnesota to a small island just off the west coast of Florida ("Duma Key"), and has taken up drawing and painting.  Seascapes mostly, cuz that's what he sees out his upstairs window.

    Edgar discovers he has a flair for painting.  His works are moving.  And powerful.  In fact, they're becoming too powerful.

What's To Like...
    Duma Key opens as if it's going to be a straight-up person-finding-himself drama.  Then the tension creeps in, with Stephen King oh-so-gradually ramping it up a notch with each chapter.  The drama segues into mystery; the mystery segues into horror.  And in case the tension-increase is too subtle for you, he puts a "hook" at the end of almost every section.

    The characters are fascinating, complex, and develop nicely as the story progresses.  Wireman is a hoot.  So is Elizabeth Eastlake.  There are unexpected twists and an exciting and satisfying ending.  No "to be continued" hogwash here.

Kewlest New Word...
Expatiate : to speak or write at length or in detail.

Excerpts...
    What I remember most clearly about that visit is how embarrassed and ill-at-ease Tom seemed.
    I offered him a beer and he took me up on it.  When I came back from the kitchen, he was looking at a pen-and-ink I'd done - three palm trees silhouetted against an expanse of water, a bit of screened-in porch jutting into the left foreground.  "This is pretty good," he said.  "You do this?"
    "Nah, the elves.  They come in the night.  Cobble my shoes, draw the occasional picture."  (pg. 17)

    I smiled.  I tried to put the champagne bottle back and missed the bucket.  Hell, I missed the table.  The bottle hit the carpet and rolled.  Once the Daughter of the Godfather had been a child, holding out her picture of a smiling horse for a photographer's camera, the photographer probably some jazzy guy wearing a straw hat and arm garters.  Then she had been an old woman jittering away the last of her life in a wheelchair while her snood came loose and flailed from one final hairpin under the fluorescent lights of an art gallery office.  And the time in between?  It probably seemed like no more than a nod or a wave of the hand to the clear blue sky.  In the end we all go smash to the floor.  (pg. 405)

"Abyssus abyssum invocat."  "Hell invokes Hell."  (pg. 590)
    Stephen King has proven over and over that he's a masterful story-teller, and here he delivers yet again.  Think it's easy?  Consider this.  He takes 600 pages to tell you about a geezer that paints beachfront sunsets.  And somehow turns that into a horror story.  And keeps you ravenously turning the pages the whole way.  Do you think any other author could pull that off?

    9 Stars.  Yeah, a good editor could've shortened Duma Key by 150 pages or so.  But telling Stephen King to be short-winded is like telling Allen Ginsberg to keep it clean.  It might be possible, but why would you want to?

Dead Man's Ransom - Ellis Peters

1984; 275 pages.  New Author? : No.  Book #9 in the Brother Cadfael series.  Genres : Murder-Mystery; Cozy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    A recent border skirmish (Shrewsbury lies only a few miles from the border with Wales) has resulted in prisoners being taken by both sides.  The local sheriff, Gilbert Prestcote, has been captured by the Welsh.  And Elis, a young lad from a noble Welsh clan, has fallen into English hands.

    Brother Cadfael is sent across the border to propose a prisoner swap.  It is accepted, honorably; "a life for a life" so to speak.  Unfortunately, in the course of the exchange, one of the prisoners is murdered.  And "a life for a corpse" just doesn't quite cut it.

What's To Like...
    Dead Man's Ransom stays true to Ellis Peters' standard formula for a Brother Cadfael tale.  A cozy whodunit is intertwined with a romance.  Love becomes strained due to the crime; but wins out in the end after the case is solved.

    There's nothing wrong with that, provided the murder-mystery is well-crafted.  And once again Ms. Peters comes through.  There are enticing clues, red herrings, and a half-dozen suspects, all equally suspicious.  If you're alert enough, you can solve the case alongside Brother Cadfael, but I didn't.

    There are a few non-typical things about this particular book in the series (this is my fifth one).  First, Brother Cadfael journeys further out than usual - going twice into Wales itself (there's a useful map to help you keep track of who's heading where).  Second, there are actually two romances in the story.  And third, there is a key battle, involving hundreds of fighters, that Ellis Peters somehow handles "cozily".

Kewlest New Word...
Brychan : a woolen quilt or comforter.

Excerpts...
    Those who go forth to the battle never return without holes in their ranks, like gaping wounds.  Pity of all pities that those who lead never learn, and the few wise men among those who follow never quite avail to teach.  But faith given and allegiance pledged are stronger than fear, thought Cadfael, and that, perhaps, is virtue, even  in the teeth of death.  Death, after all, is the common expectation from birth.  Neither heroes nor cowards can escape it.  (pg. 4)

    "Which of us," said Owain sombrely, "has never been guilty of some unworthiness that sorts very ill with what our friends know of us?  Even with what we know, or think we know of ourselves!  I would not rule out any man from being capable once in his life of a gross infamy."  (pg. 195)

"The wisest man in his cups may step too large and fall on his face."  (pg. 157)
    This is vintage Ellis Peters.  It's a combination of a masterful murder-mystery, some heartwarming romance, and a brilliant piece of historical fiction.  There's also a smattering of humor (Brother Cadfael chafes at the thought that he might be old at the age of 61), and a thoughtful look at dementia through 12th-century eyes.

    Dead Man's Ransom may be formulaic, but that's not a problem when the template is great.  8½ Stars.

Strega Muirne - William Deen

2011; <100 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Historical Fantasy; Horror.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

    Italy.  760 AD (give or take a decade).  The Dark Ages are in full swing, and for Strega Muirne, a follower of "the old ways", it is a dangerous time.  Some in the Roman Catholic church have adopted a "Convert or Die" attitude, and she has been driven out of the city of Orvieto and into a cave.

    But worse things are about to happen, and via an unexpected source.

What's To Like...
    Strega Muirne is a novella, which means it would only be around 60-100 pages in length if it was in a printed book.  That shortness doesn't allow for much character depth/development.  The focus is on the core issue - how to stay true to your god(s) in the face of open persecution.  This is nicely done - the black-hats aren't all on one side or the other (ditto for the white-hats), and the story moves at a nice clip.

    The first half of the Strega Muirne is historical fiction.  Paganism certainly existed back then, (the wiki link to Stegheria is here) and the Christian church was aggressively stamping out all rival religions.  William Deen presents a plausible hypothesis - that 8th-Century stegheria is a holdover of the worshipping of the "classical" Roman gods and goddesses.

    The second half veers into the supernatural, presumably setting the tone for the rest of the series.  The ending is really nothing more than a teaser for the next novella, Stregone Alberich, which is as yet unpublished.

Excerpts...
    "I have dealt with your kind before.  Your beliefs are of the Devil and I will see them destroyed!"  In God's name he feared nothing and no one.  Except in this case.  The possibility a female conjurer was in league with the Devil frightened him.  For a moment, his faith faltered.  (3% Kindle)

    "They provided no herbs, no medicine?"  The ongoing discovery of the Christian ways and methods continued to confound Muirne.  She struggled to understand their approach, or lack thereof, when providing care to the sick.
    "No, Strega Muirne," the woman said.
    Nothing!  They offer nothing!  A few prayers then they trace a cross in the air and walk away.  (36% Kindle)

Kindle Details...
    I got this as a free download, which was a limited-time offer at Amazon.  It is now selling for $0.99.  I don't think it's available thru any of my local libraries.

"How could we let these pompous bastards gain authority over us?"  (15% Kindle)
    I enjoyed the first half of the book, because I wanted to see how Mr. Deen would handle what is historically "the losing side" of this religious struggle.  Three ways come to mind.

   First, there is the noble vanquished route as Morgan Llywelyn took in her "Druid" duology  (see here and here).  Second, you can delve into Alternate History, a la S.M. Stirling or Harry Turtledove.  And third, you can step into the horror genre, which of course is popular right now.

    The latter appears to be the path chosen, but I personally don't read much Horror.  Plus, I prefer novels to novellas.  There's a wonderful setting in Strega Muirne, as well as a challenging and fascinating conflict to explore.  Alas, I fear the inherent limitations of novellas (novellae?) will preclude the author from giving this the depth and complexity it deserves.

    6 Stars. although you might rate it higher it you like the Undead stomping through the plotline.

Agatha H and the Airship City - Phil and Kaja Foglio

2011; 264 pages.  New Author(s) ? : Yes.  Genre : Webcomic Action; Gas Lamp Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½/10.

    What's the matter with Agatha Clay?  Despite trying her hardest, she's the worst student at Transylvania Polygnostic University.  If you gave her two pieces of wood and a tube of glue, I'm still sure whatever she'd make would fall apart.

    But Agatha's life is about to get upheaved.  Baron Klaus Wulfenbach is going to forcibly take over Beetleburg, where TPU is located.  And take some "sparks" as hostages back to Castle Wulfenbach, which is really a giant dirigible.  Now what possible havoc could one girl wreak upon a great big airship?

What's To Like...
    AH&TAC is a novelization of a webcomic called Girl Genius, (the link is here) which has won all sorts of awards - Hugos, Eisners, Squiddlys, etc.  The book is a faithful rendering of the first three episodes of the webcomic.  As such, you get lots of action right away and all the way thru.

    The characters are ...well... comic, but there is a surprising depth to them.  Agatha has her foibles, and the bad guys all have redeeming traits.  Indeed, it is hard to tell exactly who's wearing the black hats and who's wearing the white ones.  Agatha is a strong female lead, but that doesn't mean the males in the story are pansies.

    There is some romance (at this point, mostly hinted at), and a little bit of violence (rather mild), but no sex or "adult situations".  And it's a steampunk setting.

Kewlest New Word...
Gravitas : dignity, solemnity, or seriousness in manner.

Excerpts...
    "Fuel here.  Spark here.  Main shaft.  Boosters."
    "Interesting.  Should this be loose?"
     "Yes, it's a balance arm."
    Agatha glared at him.  "A balance arm?  You're wasting space in a flying machine with a balance arm?"
    "Well... yes, you still need -"
    Agatha pushed him aside and reached into the engine compartment.  A quick wrench and the small device was flung out into space, where it hung in front of Gil's face.
    "And this!"  Another part was ripped loose.  "This is a heat pump!  Superfluous!"  (pg. 96; 36% on the Kindle)

    "Fine.  So what you're telling me is that you - Gilgamesh Wulfenbach - the person next in line to the despotic, iron-fisted rule of the Wulfenbach Empire - have no deadly, powerful weapons lying around whatsoever!  That's just great!  What kind of an Evil Overlord are you going to be, anyway?"
    "Apparently a better one than I'd thought," Gil said, suddenly thoughtful.  (pg. 214; 82% on the Kindle)

Kindle Details...
    The Kindle version of Agatha Clay and the Airship City is available at Amazon for $7.99, although it was a free download for a limited time when I ran across it.  It isn't available at the Mesa library, but the Phoenix Library has several "real" copies, and a number of books with the comic themselves.  Most of these were available when I checked.

Adventure.  Romance.  MAD SCIENCE!  (the Girl Genius motto)
    The neatest thing about AH&TAC is the "spark", which is a inherent talent for intense concentration (sometimes hereditary, but not always), which enables the person with it (also called a "spark") to create some remarkable inventions.

    It's not a super-power.  The only way Agatha will climb walls is if she applies herself and figures out how to make Velcro.  I think it is utterly kewl that the heroes here are Mad Scientists.  Kids reading AH&TAC will be inspired to become Chemists, Biologists, Mechanical Engineers, etc.   Not to ride magical ponies or get bit by radioactive spiders.

    8½ Stars.  I'd rate it higher, but the actual webcomic is even kewler than the book  And the novelization of Episodes 4-6 is due out in April.

One of Our Thursdays is Missing - Jasper Fforde

2011; 562 pages, plus a couple of way kewl ads in the back.  Book #6 in the "Thursday Next" series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Literary Fiction; Humor.  Overall Rating : 8¼*/10.

    The title says it all.  The "real world" Thursday is MIA, and so the "written" Thursday is summoned and commissioned to find her.  But the world of fiction is a big place, plus it's just as likely that she's lost in the real world somewhere.

    Oh, there's also an imminent war brewing in BookWorld (between Racy Novel and the combined forces of Women's Fiction and Comedy) that threatens the steady supply of Metaphors.  It needs to be averted before blood is spilled.  Well, not blood.  Before ink and letters are spilled.

What's To Like...
    This is Jasper Fforde and that means good writing, keen wit, and gadding around in the wonderful otherworld of Fiction.  For One Of Our Thursdays Is Missing, Fforde has completely revamped Fiction Island.  It's now on the inside of a giant, hollow sphere and my printed version of OOOTIM has a detailed map to help you keep your bearings.  I'm told the Kindle omits the map.

    Mrs. Malaprop and Pickwick (a dodo with an attitude) are back, and they're a hoot.  Thursday also picks up an android butler named Sprockett, who's kind of a cross between C-Threepio and Jeeves.

    There are a half-dozen or so nicely-done illustrations scattered throughout the book; a zillion nods by Fforde to other authors and novels; and every fiction cliché there is, including the obligatory chase scene.  There are plot twists galore, and with a dozen trite endings to choose from, Fforde somehow manages to come up with something ...ahem... novel.

Kewlest New Word...
Mistral : a strong, dry, cold, northerly wind that blows across southern France.

Excerpts...
    And that was when the doorbell rang.  This was unusual, as random things rarely occur in the mostly predetermined BookWorld.  I opened the door to find three Dostoyevski-vites staring at me from within a dense cloud of moral relativism.
    "May we come in?" said the first, who had the look of someone weighed heavily down with the burden of conscience.  "We were on our way home from a redemption-through-suffering training course."  (pg. 18)

    "Flekk's the worst gossip in the city.  I've a feeling you've got less than forty minutes before the press starts to knock at the door, two hours before the police arrive with an arrest warrant and three hours before President van de Poste demands you hand over the plans."
    "What plans?"
    "The secret plans."
    "I don't have any secret plans."
    "I'd keep that to yourself."  (pg. 314)

"Eggs tincture is too good for that burred ... but isle do as Uri quest."  (pg. 43, and a fine example of Mrs. Malaprop's malapropisms.)
    As with all of Jasper Fforde's novels, OOOTIM is a literary feast.  But the first part of the book is, to be frank, a bit too rich.  There are so many bon mots that they tend to block out the plot.  Maybe this is Fforde's way to get us familiar with his new Fiction Island, but that's what the map is for.  There's a whole chapter devoted to a "mimefield" that has no discernible relevance.

    But not to worry.  The plot climbs back up onstage about halfway through, and the story is impeccable thereafter.

    The Thursday Next books are not stand-alones.  They really should be read in order.  So if you're an avid fiction reader, and are not familiar with this series, pick up The Eyre Affair and get started.  You are in for a treat.  8¼ Stars.

The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest - Stieg Larsson

    2007; 818 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Thriller.  Book #3 of the Millennium Trilogy.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Lisbeth Salander has problems.  Her father wants her charged with (his) Attempted Murder, which is understandable since she belted him in the face with an axe.  A psychiatrist wants  her put away as a paranoid schizophrenic.  And a bunch of shadowy government security agents want to kill her.

    Normally, this isn't anything Lisbeth couldn't handle.  But she's lying in a hospital, in critical condition, with a bullet in her head.

What's To Like...
    The book is a successful close to the trilogy.   Questions about Lisbeth's past are answered, and loose threads of any significance are tied up. 

    This isn't a mystery tale.  Larsson basically tells you every step the bad guys take.  But he deftly ramps up the tension with every chapter and you're never sure how things will turn out.

    As usual, Larsson interweaves several storylines.  Erika Berger has a new job with a competitor's magazine, and someone's stalking her.  Lisbeth and her hacker friends are matching "snooping wits" with the baddies.  Mikhail Blomkvist is investigating a clandestine government agency and bedding every woman in sight.  But all things get connected by the end.

    The action is sparse for the first 500 pages, but it's worth the wait.  When the trial begins, things take off.  The ending stutter-steps, yet still is gripping.

Kewlest New Word...
    Didn't see any.

Excerpts...
    "I think you're right," Erlander said to Blomkvist as they walked back to the farmhouse.  "An analysis of the blood will probably establish that Salander was shot and buried here, and I'm begining to expect that we'll find her fingerprints on the cigarette case.  Somehow she survived and managed to dig herself out and -"
    "And somehow get back to the farm and swing an axe into Zalachenko's skull," Blomkvist finished for him.  "She can be a moody bitch."  (pg. 26)

    You could take it for granted that the Security Police invariably made fools of themselves.  That was the natural order of things, not for Sapo alone but probably for intelligence services all over the world.  The French secret police had sent frogmen to New Zealand to blow up the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior, for God's sake.  That had to be the most idiotic intelligence operation in the history of the world, with the possible exception of President Nixon's lunatic break-in at Watergate.  (pg. 228)

"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt."  (pg. 616)
    There are some weaknesses in The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, one of which are some you-gotta-be-kidding-me moments.   For example, Lisbeth and her dad both claim that the other had tried to kill them.  Yet they're both taken to the same hospital, put in room two doors from each other, and no one thinks to post any police guards.  Sheesh.

    The stretches of no action and stutter-step ending have already been mentioned.  But the main problem with TGWKTHN is Lisbeth herself.  She's the star of the book who ...um... tends to kick the hornet's nest; but for most of the book she's confined either to a hospital bed or a jail cell.  No wonder the story has some slow spots.

    Yet somehow, it all works.  You keep turning the pages  and staying up late to see what happens next.  Stieg Larsson may not be the best writer ever, but as a storyteller, he's second to none.  8 Stars.

Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson

1995; 324 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Anecdotal Travels.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Bill Bryson was born and bred in the USA, but moved to England after high school and spent most of the next 20 years there.  When he decided to move back here, he took a 7-week "farewell tour" of the UK.  He toured the length and breadth of the isle, almost all of it by public transportation or on foot.

    He visited large cities and small towns; famous landmarks and nondescript pubs and hotels.  And in the end, he treats us to 30 articles about his stops along the way.  Each is about 10 pages long, and they're all much more poignant than any travel guide could hope to be.

What's To Like...
    Bryson's musings about his adventures (and misadventures) are amusing and entertainingly honest.  He struggles with the inconsistencies of British mass transportation, gets rained on a lot (especially while walking), gets schnockered a couple times (gawd bless British suds), and partakes of a lot of ethnic cuisine.

    Bryson pulls few punches.  Sometimes the food, libations, and/or service is good; sometimes it's terrible.  Soemtimes the people he meets are rude to him for no reason; sometimes he's rude to them for no reason. There's a kewl glossary of Britishisms in the back of book, and any book that mentions Chertsey (pg. 64) gets a thumbs-up.  Bryson's insight is apparently accurate; in a 2003 BBC Radio 4 poll, the book was voted "that which best sums up British identity and the state of the nation".

Kewlest New Word...
Parlous : full of danger or uncertainty; precarious.

Excerpts...
    Some people simply should not be allowed to fall asleep on a train, or, having fallen asleep, should be discreetly covered with a tarpaulin, and I'm afraid I'm one of them.  I awoke, some indeterminate time later, with a rutting snort and a brief, wild flail and lifted my head from my chest to find myself mired in a cobweb of drool from beard to belt buckle, and with three people gazing at me in a curiously dispassionate manner.  At least I was spared the usual experience of waking to find myself stared at open-mouthed by a group of small children who would flee with shrieks at the discovery that the dribbling hulk was alive.  (pg. 282)

    Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain - which is to say, all of it.  Every last bit of it, good and bad - old churches, country lanes, people saying "Mustn't grumble" and "I'm terribly sorry but," people apologizing to me when I conk them with a careless elbow, milk in bottles, beans on toast, haymaking in June, seaside piers, Ordnance Survey maps, tea and crumpets, summer showers and foggy winter evenings - every bit of it.  (pg. 316)

"Hae ye nae hook ma dooky?"  (pg. 307)
    Don't try to read Notes from a Small Island in one or two sessions.  As Bryson himself notes, after a while, all the quaint little villages and big, sprawling cities start to look the same.

    To boot, Bill Bryson is often in a grumpy mood - about the frequency of the rain (ya think, Bill?); about modernization (things change;  get over it); about the drabness of his locale ("Bradford's role in life is to make every place else in the world look better in comparison.."), etc.  About halfway through the book, I took to reading only one or two chapters a day, and suddenly the book got a lot more interesting.

    NfaSI is not my favorite Bill Bryson book.  But he's a gifted writer, and this does bring back fond memories of my trips to England.  Plus a so-so Bryson book is still pretty good.  8 Stars.