Ferret Run - GS Freeman

    2026; 286 pages.  Full Title: Ferret Run – Secrets of Arcadia.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Science Fiction – First Contact; Fantasy; Adventure-Intrigue.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    You know what they say: The third time’s the charm.

 

    Actually, Professor Lupus Hare is hoping that the second time’s the charm.  Several innocent people perished when he made his first endeavor.

 

    And what an endeavor it is!  Professor Hare wants to break through the barriers of the multiverse!  Get in contact with a parallel dimension.  And he and his team have just finished building something called a Collider, which smashes tiny particles together that hopefully will then open gateways to parallel universes.

 

    If successful, this would be a truly groundbreaking experience for all concerned.  Except for one being: Chancellor Trinn.  She’s from a different world, in a different universe, which has a different level of technology.  So Trinn has a different motive for helping Professor Hare’s research come to fruition.

 

    She wants to go home.

 

What’s To Like...

    Ferret Run is a Sci-Fi fantasy novel by GS Freeman (aka G. Scott Freeman) set on an undisclosed planet populated by sentient animal species, including walking/talking ferrets, cats, swans, polar bears, and many more, even a land-dwelling shark.  Humans are an unknown species, at least to start with, and at least to everyone except Chancellor Trinn.

 

    Our protagonist is a ferret named Victoria Lanell.  Her parents died years ago, and she presently lives in care of a guardian goat named Earl Kidd whom she calls “Papa”.  Lanell is also one of Professor Hare’s trusted assistants on the Collider project.

 

    Amazon appropriately lists the book’s main genre as First Contact Science Fiction, a theme I’m quite partial to.  But there is a lot of deeply developed character interaction going on as well.  Earl is hiding many secrets from Lanell; Trinn will do whatever is necessary to return to her home world, and the titular “Secrets of Arcadia” seems to categorize everyone as either “eco-friendly” or “pro-science-&-technology”.  GS Freeman also blends touches of wit and humor into the storyline, which I liked muchly.

 

    I enjoyed meeting the chemist Dr. Crusher, being one myself.  He gives new meaning to the concept of super-glue.  The flying spiders are definitely something to avoid crossing paths with, and I want to visit the “Starducks” shop someday and get me a cup of nuka.  I’m proud to say I chuckled at the mention of “Rick and Morty”.

 

    The ending is suitably tense and exciting.  Things stop at a logical place and the primary plot thread (the “first contact”) is resolved for the nonce.  Here's hoping a sequel is in the offing.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  5.0/5 based on 3 ratings and 3 reviews.

    Goodreads: 5.00/5 based on 7 ratings and 7 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I think there’s something older at work.  Something that bridges biology and physics.  Something in the architecture of existence itself.  Look at her.  She’s alien but not foreign.”

    He took a step closer.  “What if dimensional physics doesn’t just transport matter, but favors certain patterns?  What if there’s a design at the core of reality that selects for this kind of form?”

    Myles let out a low whistle.  “That’s not science; that’s metaphysics.”  (pg. 14)

 

    “So she can hear us?”

    “She will once the nanos finish mapping phonemic structure.  Give it twenty minutes, maybe less.  Then we can test comprehension.”

    Hare nodded thoughtfully.  “Then we observe.  See how she handles isolation.  You learn more from what an animal does without instructions than you ever do with a prompt.”

    “She’s not an animal,” Myles muttered, eyes still locked to the display.

    “She is to us,” Hare said flatly.  “And we are to her.  Symmetry’s just perspective, Moleman.  What matters is who’s holding the clipboard.”  (pg. 173)

 

Kindle Details…

    The e-book edition of Ferret Run presently sells for $2.99 at Amazon.  It is also available in paperback format, for $15.99.  To the best of my knowledge, this is GS Freeman’s debut full-length novel.

 

Why bother with methodical research when we can just throw particles at each other and hope for enlightenment?  (pg. 29)

    There’s only a small amount of profanity in Ferret Run.  I noted just 20 instances in the first 2/3 of the book, and these were all of the milder, eschatological variety.  Later on, a scatological term popped up, but just once.

 

    The main issue with Ferret Run is the editing.  There are a bunch of typos, and literally dozens of punctuation errors, to the point of where it became distracting.  There were also two or three continuity issues.

 

    But those things are all fixable via another round of editing.  What counts is that the world-building, character development, and storytelling were all superb.  For me, Ferret Run was a delightful page-turner, and I strongly hope it’s the start of an epically exciting series.  After all, several beings are desperately wanting to get back to their native phases of the multiverse.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Professor Hare uses the acronym PDE several times in the story.  It stands for Percussive Dimensional Event.  Is that way-kewl or what?!

Magnus Chase - The Hammer of Thor - Rick Riordan

    2016; 434 pages.  Book 2 (out of 3) in the “Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Fantasy; YA; Norse Mythology.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    The Norse god Thor has lost his hammer.  He doesn’t seem all that concerned about it.  What a doofus.

 

    Rumor has it that Thrym, the king of the Jotun (that means “Giants” for you non-Viking readers) has it and has hid it somewhere.  Since Thrym’s an Earth giant, it could be buried miles underground anywhere, and is probably even beyond the reach of any of the Norse gods.

 

    But Thrym’s a reasonable Jotun; he's willing to make a deal for returning the sword, assuming he does indeed know where it is.  His price: he wants the hand of Samirah “Sam” al-Abbas in marriage.  She’s a Valkyrie who can shapeshift, but is already betrothed to someone else and whom she loves deeply.  What’s the big deal with Thor’s hammer, anyway?

 

    Well, if the giants find out that Thor has lost his hammer, they’ll attack the Norse deities.  It will be the beginning of something called Ragnarok, and the outcome is already known.  Odin, Thor, and the rest of the Norse gods are doomed to being slain.  In other words, it would be the End of the World.

 

    Come on, Sam.  It’s time for you to take one for the team.

 

What’s To Like...

    Magnus Chase – The Hammer of Thor is the second book in Rick Riordan’s “Gods of Asgard” trilogy.  I read Book One (it is reviewed here), but that was seven years ago.  So Book Two was essentially a standalone tale for me, and which wasn't a problem.

 

    The target audience is YA (Young Adult) but grown-ups will enjoy it equally well.  What starts out as a simple task—get Thor’s hammer back—quickly becomes a complicated affair.  The main baddie is the trickster god Loki, the god of Mischief, who, despite being imprisoned for the past thousand years, is quite capable of wreaking havoc upon humans, giants, and fellow gods alike.

 

    There are critters galore to meet and greet, including Valkyries, talking goats, elves, dwarves, and dragons (“lindworms”), many of which can shape-shift.  Rick Riordan deftly blends a whole bunch of Norse mythology into the tale, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  He also includes a very useful Glossary in the back of the book for referencing any gods, giants, and mythological items and places you’re unfamiliar with.  Bookmark it, you’ll be using it a lot.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV—Magnus’s.  The story starts out set in Cape Cod, but for the most part we travel around the realms of the Nordic pantheon.  Each chapter has a clever title which gives you a hint at what’s coming.  ASL (American Sign Language) also is used, since one of the characters is a deaf-mute.  I presume the ASL signals used are accurate.  It was kewl seeing Taco Bell and the TV shows Gilligan’s Island and Cheers get mentioned, albeit briefly.

 

    The ending is suitably exciting and double-edged.  The mission to recover Thor’s hammer is resolved, but the annoying issue with Loki is left hanging.  I presume that’s what Book Three, The Ship of the Dead, addresses.

 

Excerpts...

    I took a sip.  Without doubt, it was the best stuff I’d ever had—with the sweetness of honey, the richness of chocolate, and the coolness of glacier ice, yet it tasted unlike any of those.  It filled my stomach more satisfyingly than a three-course meal.  The jolt it gave me made the mead of Valhalla seem like a knock-off brand of energy drink.

    Suddenly, the living room was tinged with kaleidoscopic light.  I gazed outside at the well-manicured lawn, the sculptured hedgerows, the garden topiaries.  I wanted to pull off my sunglasses, break through the window, and go skipping merrily through Alfheim until the sun burned my eyes out.

    I realized Mr. Alderman was watching me, waiting to see how I handled the elfish goofy juice.  (pg. 171)

 

    “As I see it, there are two options going forward to thwart Loki.  First option: I kill you all and take the Skofnung Sword, thus preventing it from falling into Loki’s hands.”

    Sam’s hand crept to her ax.  “I’m not liking option one.”

    The giant shrugged.  “Well, it’s simple, effective, and relatively foolproof.  It doesn’t get you the hammer back, but as I said, I don’t care about that.  My main concern is keeping Loki in captivity.  If he gets free, he starts Ragnarok right now, and I, for one, am not ready.  We have ladies’ night at the bowling alley on Friday.  Doomsday would completely mess that up.”  (pg. 328)

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Gamalost (n.) : a traditional, highly pungent Norwegian cheese.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 16,343 ratings and 1,445 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.29*/5, based on 134,665 ratings and 8,875 reviews.

 

The thing about gods is, you can’t really slap them when they’re acting stupid.  (pg. 406)

    Magnus Chase – The Hammer of Thor is a YA novel; therefore it is not surprising that there are zero cusswords and zero adult situations in it.  The closest we get to profanity is the phrase “go to Helheim”, which I thought was quite innovative.

 

    Be aware that one of the characters is described as “gender fluid and transgender”.  This leads to some amusing situations; sometimes she’s a she, sometimes he’s a he.  Wikipedia gives some insight into Rick Riordan’s reason for having a trans character in the story.  Homophobes should probably give this book a pass.

 

    The only bit of nitpicking I can come up with is the lack of a “Cast of Characters” section.  I’m not sure which ones are recurring and which ones are new.  Of course, it would help if I don’t wait another seven years to read Book Three.

 

    But I quibble.  Magnus Chase – The Hammer of Thor was an enjoyable read for me, even though I’m not the target audience.  The pacing is fast, there’s lots of action, and wit abounds.  YA readers and adults will be equally entertained.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Magnus Chase is revealed to be left-handed.  At one point he remembers a frantic scene where his second-grade teacher tapes his left hand to the desk in an effort to force him to learn to write right-handed.  I, too, am a leftie.  I never went through this sort of experience, but my brother, a lefty nine-years older than me, was subjected to this sort of conversion therapy.

Eleven On Top - Janet Evanovich

    2005; 283 pages.  Book 11 (out of 31, soon to be 32) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Plum has quit her bounty hunting job!  She didn’t even give a two-weeks notice, she just walked in Cousin Vinnie’s bail bond office and turned in her handcuffs.

 

    Stephanie’s tired.  Tired of stalked by crazed killer, taunted by naked fat men, shot at, spat at, cussed at, and having her cars destroyed at an alarming rate.  She’s going to find a job with a lot less stress, a lot less violence, and hopefully a bit more pay.  It shouldn’t be too hard to find such a job, right?

 

    Right.  Well, her first new job was at a button factory, where she got fired on the first day for not showing up on time.  The second job was at Kan Klean, a dry-cleaning place and was similarly brief, due to Steph’s dispute with the owner.  The third job, at a fast-food called Cluck-in-a-Bucket, where employees are required to say “Have a clucky day” as customers depart, also canned her.  For burning down the place.

 

    Hmm.  Stephanie’s job history is turning into a nightmare.  I can’t wait to see how her fourth try at new employment turns out.

 

What’s To Like...

    Eleven On Top is the first book where Stephanie Plum isn’t working as a bounty hunter for her cousin Vinnie.  It was kinda neat to see her out on her own.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that her friend and coworker Lula gets promoted to the vacant bounty hunter job, and it was fun to watch her step into Stephanie’s shoes.

 

    As usual for this series, the plotlines quickly multiply.  Steph finds herself being stalked by an unknown psychopath.  Four local, middle-aged men jump in their cars and simply disappear.  Stephanie’s sister Valerie is getting married and Steph’s been tabbed to be both the maid of honor and the music maestro—playing a cello solo.  The problem is she’s never played a cello in her life, but how hard can it be?  Last but not least, the Steph-Ranger-Morelli romance triangle continues to keep all three participants on edge.

 

    There is a plethora of characters to meet and greet; many new, many recurring.  Newly promoted Lula gets lots of ink; so do Grandmas Mazur and Bella.  The action starts right away as Stephanie finds notes and explosives presented to her by her stalker.

 

    The story is once again told in the first-person POV: Stephanie’s.  Eleven On Top was published in 2005, and some objects, such as phone books, landline phones, Tastykakes, and the Fosbury Flop, remind the readers of things which were once commonplace, whose glory days are long gone.

 

    The ending is exciting and twisty-yet-logical.  I knew a plot twist was coming, but it still surprised me (and Stephanie) how and when it unfolded.  The timing of some of the climactic events seemed a bit convenient, but hey, Stephanie has always had luck on her side.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 8,874 ratings and 983 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.17/5 based on 117,862 ratings and 2,539 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You were different,” he said to Valerie.  “I mean, you had a reason for being a dope.  Well, not a dope actually.  I don’t mean to say you were a dope.  Okay, you might have been a little dopey.  No, wait, I don’t mean that either.  Not dopey or dope or any of those things.  Okay, okay, just a teensy bit dopey, but in a good way, right?  Dopey can be good.  Like dumb blond dopey.  No, I don’t mean that either.  I don’t know where that came from.  Did I say that?  I didn’t say that, did I?”  (pg. 90)

 

    “Now that I’m a bounty hunter I’ve got a lot of demands on my time.  I’ve got a real nasty case that I’m working on.  I should be out tracking this guy down right now, only I figured I could take a break from it and help you out.”

    “What kind of case is it?” Val asked.

    “He’s wanted for AR and PT,” Lula said.  “That’s bounty hunter shorthand for armed robbery and public tinkling.  He held up a liquor store and then took a leak in the domestic table wines section.”  (pg. 108)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Eleven On Top presently costs $9.99 at Amazon.  The other e-books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $9.99, with the exception of Book 30, Dirty Thirty, which is discounted to $2.99 for a limited time.

 

“I’m not a cakeaholic”. (. . .) “I only eat cake on special occasions.”  Like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday . . .  (pg. 204)

    The cussword frequency is moderate in Eleven On Top, I counted 15 instances in the first 10%, mostly of the milder ilk. Later on a couple f-bombs show up.  There were also four rolls-in-the-hay, with one being a tripleheader.  None of them were rendered in graphic terms.

 

    I can’t think of anything to quibble about.  I didn’t spot any typos.  There was no progress on Stephanie’s romantic quandary, but hey, do we really want those tense relationships to be resolved?

 

    Eleven On Top is a fast-paced, action-packed blend of humor and crime-solving, with just enough romance blended in to attract the female readers without scaring off the male readers.  So far, I’ve been reading the series in chronological order, and the next book, Twelve Sharp, is on my Kindle awaiting my attention.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  *Total cars trashed* during Stephanie’s sleuthing: Two.  About average for her.

The Inimitable Jeeves - P.G. Wodehouse

    1923; 281 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Anthologies; British Humour; Classic Literature.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Bertie Wooster and I’ll be your narrator of the stories in The Inimitable Jeeves.

 

    Jeeves is my valet, and serves me well.  He’s a very quiet person, but when asked, will offer a lot of helpful advice when my joie de vivre (as the French say) is being tested.  Yes, I speak French.  It is an inherent part of my Upper-Class social status.

 

     Jeeves and I make a fine team as I wend my way through the complex social circles of the titled peers of London.  I contribute the leadership and intellectual qualities necessary and Jeeves supplements this with his fine acumen of social decorum.

 

    Hmm.  Jeeves just heard me say that and rolled his eyes.  I wonder why.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Inimitable Jeeves  is a collection of eleven short stories from P.G. Wodehouse’s “Jeeves and Wooster” series.  All were previously published in magazines in 1918-1922, then cleverly stitched together to make a novel-length book that came out in 1923.  The majority of the stories take place in London, but there are also trips to France and New York City cleverly blended in.  It was fascinating to watch Jeeves and Bertie in those foreign locales.

 

    The main theme explored in The Inimitable Jeeves is True Love.  Bertie’s childhood friend, Bingo Little, repeatedly falls into this sad state (see the second excerpt below), but it happens occasionally to Bertie himself (thanks to his Aunt Agatha), and once even to Jeeves.  Bertie’s cousins, Claude and Eustace, also fall hopelessly in love, but their problem is that they both become enamored by the same lass simultaneously.

 

    Romance is not the only theme in town.  Claude and Eustace are adept at talking Bertie into heavy wagering—they themselves are usually broke—on such things as “the Egg ‘n Spoon Race” and “the Great Sermon handicap”.  You can guess the outcome of Bertie’s wagering.

 

    Being a quasi-anthology, there isn’t really a distinct ending to The Inimitable Jeeves—just a final short story.  But it’s a good choice.  Bingo gets married; Bertie goes crazy; Jeeves saves the day; and everybody ends up happy.  To give details would entail spoilers.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 3,987 ratings and 299 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.20/5 based on 31,203 ratings and 2,548 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Eftsoons (adv.) : soon afterward; shortly; once again (archaic).

Others: Mazzard (n.); Persiflage (n.); Vergers (n.); Ḕpris (adj.; French); Bally (adj.); Rummy (adj.).

 

Excerpts...

    “By great good luck I have found the very wife for you, a girl whom I have only recently met, but whose family is above suspicion.  She has plenty of money, too, though that does not matter in your case.  The great point is that she is strong, self-reliant and sensible, and will counterbalance the deficiencies and weaknesses of your character.  She has met you; and, while there is naturally much in you of which she disapproves, she does not dislike you.”  (loc. 695)

 

    “Oh, Great Scott! I said.  “Don’t tell me you’re in love again.”

    He seemed aggrieved.

    “What do you mean—again?”

    “Well, to my certain knowledge you’ve been in love with at least half a dozen girls since the spring, and it’s only July now.  There was that waitress and Honoria Glossop and —”

    “Oh, tush!  Not to say pish!  Those girls?  Mere passing fancies.  This is the real thing.”

    “Where did you meet her?”

    “On top of a bus.”  (loc. 1528)

 

Kindle Details…

    The main Kindle version (there are a number of options) of The Inimitable Jeeves is priced at $0.51 at Amazon right now.  Amazon markets it as part of a 16-book series labeled Jeeves & Wooster, but only nine of the 16 volumes are available in e-book format.  They range in price from free to $12.99.

 

It seems rummy that water should be so much wetter when you go into it with your clothes on than when you’re just bathing.  (loc. 827)

    As you’d expect from a 1923 humorous novel, the profanity in The Inimitable Jeeves is pretty light.  I counted just seven instances in the first third of the book; all of them of the milder ilk.  There are no f-bombs and no adult situations.  This is spoofery for the sake of comedy.

 

    The book is written in 1920s English, not American, and which I thoroughly enjoyed.  Some of the new (at least for me) words are given above; others included chemmy, coves, and chappie.  It’s always fun to learn a foreign language.

 

    The only quibble I can come up with is the page-numbering.  I read The Inimitable Jeeves on my Kindles—I have two of them—and both made a mess of the page counts.  My older Kindle simply refused to give pages and/or text locations.  My newer Kindle started counting pages about 75% of the way through the book.

 

    But I pick at nits.  This is my fifth “Jeeves” book (although the first since 2012), and I’ve enjoyed them all.  There’s something about wry British humor that tickles my funny bone, and P.G. Wodehouse excels at keeping me laughing out loud.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  P.G. Wodehouse also excels at coming up with scintillating character names.  Some used here are: Honoria Glossop, Daphne Braythwayt, Old Lord Bittlesham, Cyril Bassington-Bassington, Charlotte Rowbotham, and Cynthia Wickhammersby.  Are those fantastic appellations or what?!

The Lord of the Ring Roads - Robert Rankin

    2017; 280 pages. Book 10 in “The Legendary Quadrilogy of Trilogies” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Great news!  They’re going to build a ring road around the outskirts of Brentford!

 

    Greater news!  It won’t cost the residents of Brentford anything!  The neighborhoods surrounding their city, through which the ring road will actually run, will pay for everything!  The construction starts shortly!

 

    This is all news to Jim Pooley and John Omally, along with the rest of Brentford.  But since they’ll get something for nothing, it has to be a great deal, right?  Except that, really, Brentford doesn’t need a ring road.

 

    Which makes Jim and John wonder.  Who is actually pulling the strings to get this ring road built.  And more importantly, why?

 

What’s To Like...

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is Book 10 (out of 12) in Robert Rankin’s Brentford Trilogy series.  To be precise, it's Book One of the fourth trilogy in this series, and I’ve already read Books 2 & 3, The Chronicles of Banarnia and Normanghast.  If you haven’t read any of this trio, I advise starting with this one.

 

    The two main protagonists are Jim Pooley and John Omally, a pair of my favorite Robert Rankin characters.  Old Pete also plays a key role, so does Professor Slocombe.  The Lady in the Straw Hat has a cameo appearance, and Neville, the part-time bartender at The Flying Swan has a larger role than usual, which I loved.

 

    A bunch of plotlines besides the ring road project also crop up.  Will Old Pete get a badly needed hearing aid?  Why is Uncle Ted missing?  Can Jim and John make some easy money by managing a community raffle?  Will the royal family send a representative to the ring road opening ceremony?  And most importantly, can Jim and John apprehend a rogue author named P.P. Penrose, who is unlawfully using them as fictional characters in his books?  Sure, we know Robert Rankin will deftly bring all these plot threads together.  But it’s always fun to watch how marvelously he does it.

 

    The book is written in English, not American.  So you may have labourings and vigour, and use a biro to write a cheque.  Things can get  cosy, but keep your lorry fuelled up.  Do all this, and Bob’s your uncle.  To boot, Robert Rankin blends in some witty and whimsical poetry, as well as things like the Cagoule of Concealment, Bunson’s Necromunicator, and the Captain Laser Alien Attack Machine.

 

    The ending builds to a suitable climax, and stops at a logical spot, but leaves several plot threads unfinished.  Alas, that’s what I get for not reading the books of this trilogy in order.  Despite that, The Lord of the Ring Roads kept me turning the pages, wondering what plot twist was going to turn up next.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Hobble-de-hoy (n.) : an awkward, ungainly, adolescent boy (British slang)

Others: Salmagundi (n.); Canescent (adj.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 623 ratings and 50 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.27/5 based on 395 ratings and 25 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Then “ah,” said Jim and “ah” once more.  Yet another email from Goodwill Jeremy, the deposed Nigerian prince.  Jim really felt for this unlucky fellow, erstwhile ruler of a gold and diamond-rich province so exclusive that it was not to be found on any map.  Jim shook his head, and as for the prince himself, benign and generous ruler, ousted from his palace by mercenaries in the pay of an evil warlord.  And forced to flee without his cheque book.  (pg. 21)

 

    A lady in a straw hat overhearing this turned and asked Jim what the trouble was.

    “Oh, just things,” said Jim.

    “Things is it?” said the lady.  “Don’t start me off on things.”

    “I promise I won’t,” said Jim

    “I was darning my old man’s socks the other day,” the lady went on.  “And he was screaming away as he always does.”

    “Why?” Jim asked.

    “Well, because he was wearing the socks and I’m not such a dab hand with a needle as I used to be, so—"  (pg. 89)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Lord of the Ring Roads Kindle edition will cost you $4.99 at present.  The rest of the e-books in this (completed) “quadrilogy-of-trilogies” are all in the $2.99-$5.99 price range.  Most of Robert Rankin’s other e-book novels are in that same price range.

 

“We are all going to hell in a handbag.”  (pg. 250)

    There’s very little cussing in The Lord of the Ring Roads; I noted only four instances, all of which were of the milder, four-lettered variety.  I only spotted one typo: cannon/canon; but once again there were at least eight commas missing from recipients of direct dialogue.  I’d call this British punctuation, but most of the time the commas were present.

 

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is another fine piece of far-fetched fantasy penned by Robert Rankin.  Rumor has it, . . . erm . . . Rumour has it that the author is about to bring out a new book, titled Priestess of Penge.  I’m looking forward to it.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  At one point Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum is mentioned, which brought back fond childhood memories for one of the characters.  It did the same for me, Mr. Rankin, sir; it did the same for me.

Calculated Whisk - Lindsay Buroker

    2026; 294 pages.  Book 1 (out of 1, although that will change shortly) in the “Tales from the Dragon Diner” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Cozy Fantasy; Dragons; Humorous Fantasy.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    It’s good to be back in one’s old stomping ground, which in Rylana’s case means the city of Tranquility.  Actually, she grew up in a mansion across the lake from Tranquility, but she and her dad are estranged, and mostly she’s here because she’s broke and needs to find a job.

 

    Rylana was an archer in the Ore Wars, which are thankfully now over, and she's traveling with a fellow veteran, the elven assassin Sylin.  The stop in Tranquility is temporary: get a paying short-term job, collect some funds, and move on, hopefully without running into her father.

 

    Hey look!  There’s an eatery called “the Dragon Diner”.  Maybe they’re hiring.  Rylana and Sylin fought against the dragons in the Ore Wars, but hopefully, whatever dragon is running that diner isn’t a veteran.  And even if he is, the odds are slim that he’d recognize this warrior duo as a pair of former foes.

 

    Yeah, Rylana, about those slim odds…

 

What’s To Like...

   Calculated Whisk is the opening book in Lindsay Buroker’s latest fantasy series: Tales of the Dragon Diner.  The Amazon blurb labels it a work of Cozy Fantasy Fiction, which is very accurate, and is good to keep that in mind when reading it.

 

    Think of it as a “Hallmark Movie, With Dragons”.  The main plot thread involves the dragon who owns the diner, Jildarin, who is preparing to compete in a culinary competition held annually in Tranquility called “the Golden Whisk”.  The contest consists of three rounds, wherein the contestants are required to invent a new dish consisting of a trio of random ingredients.  They then can add in their personal selection of herbs and spices, and the final product is tasted by a panel of judges.  It is rumored that Jildarin's spice inventory includes some with aphrodisiac qualities.

 

    I liked the fantasy worldbuilding.  Tranquility is filled with a wide variety of creatures, including dragons, elves, goblins, golems, dwarfs, and gnomes, with an occasional wyvern flying overhead.  Dragons are also shape-shifters, although city statutes require them to maintain their human forms anywhere outside their abodes.  Also, all magical weapons are tied up with magical bonds by city guards when anyone enters the city.  Tranquility hates interspecies bloodshed.

 

    As expected in a Lindsay Buroker novel, witty dialogue abounds.  Both Rylana and Sylin have sharp tongues, even when conversing with each other.  See the first excerpt below.  Thrills-&-Spills take a back seat to Intrigue, although there is one epic dragon melee that lets the humans know who’s boss.  And although Rylana suspects Sylin’s been using her assassin skills to earn some cash, it’s best not to question her about it.

 

    The ending will make any Hallmark movie lover smile.  It isn’t particularly twisty, and face it, you already know who’s going to win the Golden Whisk.  But there is some skullduggery for Rylana to espy and deal with, and things end at a logical spot.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 769 ratings and 72 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.48*/5, based on 529 ratings and 52 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You’re a good friend,” Rylana said as they walked up the road toward the ferry.  “Even if you don’t consider me one.”

    “Assassins can’t allow themselves to get close to others, lest enemies manipulate them by their emotional attachments.”

    “You don’t think we were close when we were smashed into that closet together?  The hilt of your knife was jabbing into my kidney.”

    “Not emotionally close, no.  Feelings weren’t involved.”

    “Are you sure?  My kidney had some feelings.”  (pg. 183)

 

    Rylana gave Jildarin an approving gesture, but the announcer had said they could begin the second dish, and he was with the other chefs, gathering ingredients from the pantries and iceboxes.

    “Isn’t that Jildarin a dragon himself” someone murmured.

    “I didn’t think dragons could cook,” someone else said.

    “They can roast humans without trouble.”

    “That wouldn’t be allowed here.”

    “Are you sure?  They haven’t announced the ingredients for the last meal yet.”  (pg. 273)

 

Kindle Details…

    Calculated Whisk presently sells for $0.99 at Amazon, which is a great introductory deal..  The sequel, Knead for Speed, is due to come out on June 30^th.  You can preorder that one for $4.99.

 

“I’m friendly and charming and hardly ever roar at people.”  (pg. 77)

    As you’d expect, the profanity frequency is low in Calculated Whisk.  I counted just five instances in the first 25% of the book, although two of those were a “6-lettered C-word” that’s rarely encountered.  I spotted only one typo: R ylana/Rylana, and I bet that one cropped up during the printing phase.

 

    The subject of mating comes up a lot, and there’s a hint of romance in the storyline, but it’s not enough to scare off male fantasy readers.   I chuckled at the made-up word “zerg”.

 

    The past adventures of Rylana and Sylin, mostly their wartime years, are mentioned frequently.  This is my third Lindsay Buroker novel, and I don’t recall these two protagonists being mentioned in either of those books, but this author has written a slew of series, and I suspect they’ve both starred in some other of her tales.

 

    The biggest quibble (is that an oxymoron?) I can think of is that a whole bunch of secondary plot threads are left dangling at the end.  Will Rylana and her dad make up?  Will romance bloom in her near future?  Why are some elves hunting for Sylin?  And several more.  But that’s what sequels are for, isn’t it?

 

    I’m not a big “cozy reader”, but Calculated Whisk kept me turning the pages.  The pacing is good, the storytelling is masterful, and the wit abounds.  I was looking for a lighthearted magical read, and that’s exactly what I got.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  I don’t remember any person or creature dying in Calculated Whisk, despite one of the protagonists being a skilled assassin.  When’s the last time you read a book where that was true?

Triggerfish Twist - Tim Dorsey

    2002; 286 pages.  Book 4 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Well, there goes the neighborhood!  Serge Storms and his stoner pal Coleman have just rented a house of Triggerfish Lane.  And where those two weirdos go, mischief and mayhem always ensue.

 

    To be fair, there are plenty of odd people already there.  Like the guy that cuts his lawn with a pair of scissors.  There’s a group of college students in another house, whose partying far outstrips their studying.  And there’s H. Ambrose Tarrington III, who must be a billionaire with a name like that.  About the only “normal” people are the Davenports, who just moved here to Tampa from Indiana due to the dad changing jobs.

 

    They all have one thing in common — each of them is renting their house here on Triggerfish Lane.  Someone’s been buying up lots of houses on this street and turning them into rentals.  That’s been driving the house prices down, causing lots of longtime residents to sell before the home value plummets even further.  Which creates more rentals for the unknown investor.

 

    But that sounds like a money-losing investment.  Why would anyone buy up homes that he knows will quickly go down in value?

 

What’s To Like...

   Triggerfish Twist is the fourth book in Tim Dorsey’s “Serge Storms” series. It’s my 12^th read from that series, although I’m not reading them in any particular order.

 

    The book starts with the Davenport family moving from Logansport, Indiana to Tampa, then breaks up into various plotlines that follow the lives of people already living on Triggerfish Lane.  Many of the plot threads interconnect, and there’s an overarching one that details the antics of our psychopathic protagonist, Serge, and his stoner buddy, Coleman.  They are joined by Sharon, whose drug usage puts even Coleman to shame.  I don’t recall her from any other books in this series, but I haven’t read Book Three yet, Orange Crush, and suspect she was introduced there.

 

    As always, the story is set in Florida, and also as always one of the sidelights is some self-improvement effort by Serge.  Here, he decides it’s time to give up his violent ways and learn to live the calm, respectable lifestyle that he sees in his neighbors.  Good luck with that, Serge.

 

    Tim Dorsey packs the text with lots of historical trivia, usually courtesy of Serge, and always fascinating.  Here we learn about things like Levittown suburbs, Crispus Attucks, and how Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven hit song allegedly has the phrase “pass the butter, Satan” in it when you play it backwards.  The author also manages to sneak 18 musical band references into the tale, along with quoting several song lyrics.  Take it from me, his musical tastes are awesome.

 

     Everything builds to an over-the-top, exciting set of climaxes, with a couple of neat twists added to keep you on your toes.  An Epilogue in a “whatever happened to” format closes things out, which I thought was perfectly done.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 1,053 ratings and 179 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.11/5 based on 5,588 ratings and 375 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You ever get that weird feeling where you see a car exactly like yours?” asked Jim.

    “What do you mean?”

    “You know—you’re not really paying attention, daydreaming about stuff, and you see the same car coming the other way.  And for a split second you think it’s your car, and maybe you’re inside it.  But then who’s inside this car?  Like a mirror universe thing.  Know what I mean?  Ever get that feeling?”

    “We’re switching to decaf.”  (loc. 1079)

 

    Coleman stood at the dairy case and grabbed an aerosol can of whipped cream.  He stuck the end in his mouth and sprayed.  For some reason, regular aerosol doesn’t work with whipped cream, and they have to use nitrous oxide instead.  And, sitting of a grocery shelf, the laughing gas separates and rises to the top of the cream.

    “You again!” yelled the night manager.  “I told you to stay out of my whipped cream!”  (loc. 3452)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Triggerfish Twist currently sells for $5.49 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series range in price from $1.99 to $14.99.  Generally, the newer the book, the higher the price, although there are a couple of exceptions.

 

“Bachelor number three, if you could be any kind of cheese . . .” (loc. 3054)

    There’s plenty of cussing in Triggerfish Twist.  I counted 17 instances in the first 10% of the book, which is about normal for a Serge Storms tale.  Thanks to Coleman and Sharon, references to drugs run rampant, with mescaline, coke, and even ‘shrooms getting mentioned.  References to adult situations and anatomy are also plentiful.  This is the norm for this series, and contributes to its humor.

 

    I only spotted two typos: Porches/Porsches and Simeon/Simian, and there were several paragraph breaks in the middle of sentences.  Al]so, if one of the reasons you read Tim Dorsey’s books is for Serge’s penchant for conceiving "exotic executions", there are a pair of those here.  I think that's a bit below the usual amount; but hey, Serge is trying to fit in with the rest of the quiet, middle-class neighborhood.

 

    Overall, Triggerfish Twist is another fine story in the Serge Storms series.  The pacing is fast, the humor and wit is abundant; the historical details are interesting, and the storytelling is top-notch.  If you’re a veteran Tim Dorsey reader, Triggerfish Twist will not disappoint.  If you’re new to the series, this is as good of a place to start as any, provided R-rated stuff doesn’t offend you.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  One of the main roadway links between Triggerfish Lane and Tampa is Dale Mabry Highway.  What?  You say you’ve never heard of Dale Mabry?  Me neither.  Wiki him; he’s real.  I’dd also never heard of the titular “Triggerfish”.  They’re real too, so wiki them as well.  Just don’t go putting your hand in an aquarium full of triggerfish.