Pineapple Grenade - Tim Dorsey

     2012; 552 pages.  Book 15 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Serge Storms.  What a fine, upstanding citizen!  Right now, he’s concerned about carjackings and their effect on tourism in Florida, so he and his stoner buddy Coleman are patrolling the roads around Miami airport, looking for cars that are pulling over other cars with evil intent.  So patriotic!

 

    Serge Storms.  Also wants to become a spy, even though he has no training or experience.  He’s testing out an intriguing way to get hired as one, though.  Just hang out around the various Latin America consulates in Miami acting suspicious, until someone notices him and offers to hire him to do espionage for them.  Ingenious!

 

    Serge Storms.  A firm believer in vigilante justice, something he has lots of experience in.  Well okay.  Nobody said Serge was perfect.

 

What’s To Like...

   Pineapple Grenade is the fifteenth book in Tim Dorsey’s Serge Storms series.  For the most part, it is set in the greater Miami, Florida area, with a couple of scene shifts to the fictitious Latin American country of Costa Gorda (Spanish for “Fat Coast”) and one visit to the Everglades.

 

    Serge’s “I’m a spy; hire me!” plans work even better than he expects.  Various security agencies are on extra-vigilant alert, due to an imminent influx of foreign heads-of-state into Miami for an upcoming “Summit of the Americas”.  Serge’s suspicious loiterings are quickly noted, and countermeasures are duly taken, not all of which would be to Serge’s good fortune.  Mayhem and mystery ensue.

 

     There’s a nice bunch of characters to meet and greet, some recurring, others new.  Coleman’s excessive drug and alcohol consumption actually aids Serge (and the reader) to figure out what’s going on, although the correct interpretation of those clues is a challenge.  It was fun to make the acquaintance of newcomers Felicia Carmen and Ted Savage, and I was elated to see Johnny Vegas, aka “The Accidental Virgin”, back for a brief appearance.

 

    As always, Tim Dorsey weaves an abundance of fascinating Florida history, geography, and culture into the storyline, including something called the Metrozoo seemed a bit far-fetched, but which really exists.  Trivia about the erstwhile TV series Miami Vice also pops up, as well as insight into Florida pro wrestling techniques.  Diprivan, the drug that killed Michael Jackson, gets some ink, and I learned that TEC-9 is a machine-gun.  Jeez, I thought that last one was a rap group, which reminds me: it was a treat to be in the audience when Serge does a rap routine.

 

    The ending is excellent: exciting, twisty, and both logical and unforeseen by both Serge and myself.  Both good guys and baddies suffer losses, one of which left a lump in my throat.  And for those readers who keep track of such things (which includes me), Serge’s “Vigilante Execution Count” for Pineapple Grenade is five, all of which are performed in new and imaginative ways.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 830 ratings and 203 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.99/5 based on 2,531 ratings and 221 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Let us out here.”

    “But we’re still a few blocks from your stop,” said the driver.

    “I like to take in the neighborhood on approach.  Here’s another ten.”

    “It’s your funeral.”  The cab screeched off.

    Coleman looked around an arid landscape of sunken-eyed scavengers milling outside barricaded buildings.  He clung to the nearest arm: “Serge, that guy coming toward us on the sidewalk is swinging a giant machete.”

    “Are other people around?”

    “Yes, lots.”

    “Does it seem unusual to them?”

    “No.”

    “Then it shouldn’t to us.”  (pg. 274)

 

    They started across the street.  Three men approached them from the opposite curb.  White face make-up, black-and-white striped shirts, and red berets.  The trio tipped their caps in recognition as they passed Serge.

    “You know those guys?” asked Coleman.

    “Serge nodded.  “You heard of the Guardian Angels?”

    “Yeah, vigilante group that protects people.”

    “Those three guys are from Tampa.  They started their own group, the Guardian Mimes.”  (pg. 330)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Pineapple Grenade currently sells for $13.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series range in price from $1.99 to $14.99.  Generally, the newer the book, the higher the price.

 

Escobar was short, soft, and plump, but made up for it by being stupid and pushy about it. (pg. 188)

    There’s not much to nitpick about in Pineapple Grenade.  I counted 16 instances of profanity in the first 10% of the book, five of which were f-bombs.   Later on, there was a get-together for the use of cocaine, and there are four rolls-in-the-hay, including one involving “dendrophilia”.  See below for another “-philia” mentioned by Serge.  This is not a cozy mystery.

 

    There were only a couple of typos, two of which made me chuckle.  One was naplam/napalm; the other was a hyphenation of the word “restroom”, which, presumably via the conversion program, was split up into “re-“ and “-stroom”.  Wow.

 

    The title reference occurs at 31%-Kindle.  It doesn’t have much significance in the storyline, but hey, it serves well as a catchy book title.

 

    Overall, I thought Pineapple Grenade was a great read.  The pacing was quick; the dialogue was witty; the thrills-&-spills were plentiful; Serge’s mini-lectures were informative; and the ending was the best I’ve read in months.  I highly recommend it when you’re in the mood for an exciting beach read.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  At 59%-Kindle, Serge mentions something called “ursusagalmatophilia”.  I thought for sure this was a bit of Tim Dorsey's imaginative wit, but found out it's real.  Google it.  You will be amazed.

When Elves Attack - Tim Dorsey

     2011; 192 pages.  Full Title: When Elves Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State.  Book 14 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Deck the malls with bongs of folly!  Serge Storms, Florida’s resident vigilante psychopath, has come down with a bad case of Christmas spirit.  His pal Coleman is happy to go along with whatever plans Serge has as long as drugs and booze are included.

 

    Serge feels the holiday season is too stressful, and it’s time for everyone to chill out.  Shopping malls should be places to relax and mingle, and freeways should be bastions of courteous driving.  People should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.

 

    As always, Serge has a game plan.  It involves some wardrobe adjustments, bright shades of red and green, and pointy hats.

 

    Because what Christmas in Florida needs is more ELVES!!

 

What’s To Like...

   The main question to ask about When Elves Attack is whether Tim Dorsey can seamlessly blend a nutzo psychopathic protagonist into a Christmas-themed storyline.  I’m happy to report that the answer to that is “yes”.  Serge and Coleman don elf costumes and run around doing good deeds for others, at least within the confines of what Serge defines as “good”.

 

    The other side of the question is whether the story still retains enough sex and drugs and senseless violence to satisfy the faithful readers of Tim Dorsey's series.  Again, the answer is “yes”.  When Elves Attack has three instances of Serge’s innovative “vigilante justice”, which is about average for his novels.

 

    A bunch of recurring characters show up for the holiday festivities, including the G-Unit (one of them writes the prologue), and the sexy duo of City and Country (I still haven’t figured out which one’s the blonde), but sadly, neither any of the cops from earlier escapades (the police here are mostly mall cops), nor Johnny Vegas (who would only spoil the Christmas spirit) make an appearance.

 

    As always, the zany plotline zips along briskly, and there are a fair number of malefactors and grinches to pity as they cross paths with Serge.  As always, everything takes place in various locales in Florida: here we get to visit Tampa, Lakeland, and St. Pete Beach.  The title reference comes about a quarter of the way through the book, and absolutely no one will be surprised as to the identities of the “attacking elves”.

 

    I liked the Shirley Temple quote in the epigraph, and enjoyed learning the historical background to a small hamlet called Christmas, Florida. Yes, it really exists, and you can read about its name's origin in Wikipedia.  I chuckled at the “Yule Log” that was worked into the story, and thought some of the author’s views on the polarizing “War on Christmas” were spot on.

 

    The ending was a bit “tame” for a Serge Storms novel, but hey, some allowance has to be made for this being a Christmas-themed novel.  All the plot threads are tied up, the baddies are disposed of, and Serge and Coleman can settle in to wait for Santa, knowing that they’ve helped spread a bit of holiday cheer.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 563 ratings and 276 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.81/5 based on 2,731 ratings and 351 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Christmas should be about the innocence of children—and adults reverting to children to rediscover their innocence.  That’s why we’re in elf suits.  We’re taking Christmas back!”

    “So how do we spread this good cheer?”

    “Maybe by skipping.  Let’s try skipping.  You see someone skipping, and you wish wars would stop.  Children skip all the time, but you become an adult and forget to skip.  Let’s skip.”

    “Wait up!”  Coleman skipped alongside Serge.  “But I still don’t get this elf thing.  How can we be elves if the mall didn’t hire us?”

    “And that’s what everyone thinks.”  Serge skipped and waved at curious shoppers.  “But there’s no law that says you can’t just unilaterally decide to be an elf, buy a costume, and hit the mall.”  (loc. 464)

 

    “Did you take something again?”

    “Oh no, absolutely not,” said Coleman.  “No, no, no.  Yes, actually a lot.”

    “What did you take?”

    “Mistletoe.”

    Serge blinked hard.  “Mistletoe?”

    Coleman nodded, snatching at the air with his hand for a nonexistent glow bug.  “Mistletoe gets you high.”

    “But mistletoe’s poisonous,” said Serge.  “Extremely poisonous.  Severe gastrointestinal toxin, and a potentially life-threatening drop in pulse.  The hallucinations are just a side effect.”

    “Fair trade off.”  Coleman snatched the air again.  “Cool.”  (loc. 2049)

 

 Kindle Details…

    When Elves Attack currently sells for $13.99 at Amazon.  That seems a bit steep to me for a book that’s only half as long as a typical Serge Storms novel.  But hey, ‘tis the season to maximize profits.  The other books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $14.99.

 

“Please don’t judge all elves by this one incident.” (loc. 1589)

    The quibbles are the usual ones.  There’s some cussing (13 instances in the first 10%) and a couple of rolls-in-the-hay (mostly on the floor, actually), and lots of booze and drugs consumed, mostly by Coleman.  Serge’s methods of meting out judgment is not to everyone’s taste, although I always look forward to those inventive techniques he (Serge/Tim Dorsey) comes up with.

 

    I suppose my only real beef is with the brevity of the book, a mere 192 pages.  But somehow I get the feeling that when most authors sit down to pen a "Christmas edition" for their series, they typically shorten it to half the usual length and don’t use up any of their best ideas for the plotline.

 

    8 Stars.  When Elves Attack was my “Christmas read” for 2022, and to be honest, it entertained me from start to finish.  Serge and Coleman played the roles of sprightly old elves with enthusiasm and effectiveness.  Now I’ve got another 12 months to decide what my 2023 holiday book should be.

Tiger Shrimp Tango - Tim Dorsey

    2014; 307 pages.  Book 17 (out of 25) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Watch out, Floridians!  You’ve always had lots of scammers trying to steal your assets, but there’s a new bunch of them in town, and they’ve been organized into a gang by a very savvy leader.  You’ve never faced *teams* of scammers before.

 

    Watch out, scammers!  Serge Storms has become aware of your nefarious activities and has appointed himself your judge and executioner, with the blessing and aid of his ally, the Private Investigator Mahoney.  Serge has been meting out justice on you guys for seventeen books now.

 

    Watch out, Serge!  The leader of the scammers has resources you’ve never encountered before.  He is capable of figuring out who you are, and arranging to have you eliminated.  You’ve never faced such a clever opponent before.

 

    You and Coleman may have met your match this time.

What’s To Like...

   Tiger Shrimp Tango follows Tim Dorsey’s standard formula for a Serge Storms saga:  nasty swindlers ripping off gullible but upstanding Florida citizens, Serge thinking up karmic ways to get rid of the bad guys while each time technically leaving them a way out (which the baddies never end up choosing)., and Coleman supplying Cheech-&-Chong-ish sage advice as to the proper usage of drugs and booze. 

 

    On top of that, there’s also lots of witty dialogue by Serge, and all sorts of Florida-related cultural trivia, most of which sounds made-up but all of which is factual.  For example, the reader is introduced to a lady named Brownie Wise (c’mon now, who would name their daughter “Brownie”?), who Serge claims invented and developed the concept of “Tupperware Parties”.  I looked her up in Wikipedia, she was real, and she plied her trade in Florida.

 

    Those who read this series for Serge’s bizarre executions will be happy to know that no less than eight baddies fall victim to his contraptions, although out of concern for spoilers, we’ll refrain from giving any details.  There's some science in the story too: the “build your own volcano” brought back junior high school science project memories, while the “Mentos in an ice cube” trick was new to me.  Also, I can thoroughly relate to Serge’s “self-check-out woes at the grocery store” ordeal.

 

    I chuckled at the mention of the old TV program The Ghost and Mrs. Muir; I haven’t thought about that show in decades.  The use of a rotary phone and accessing the Yellow Pages were pleasant anachronisms, and I was impressed that Tim Dorsey knows all about a chemical engineering phenomenon called the “Venturi Effect”.

 

    The ending is good, with a nice little twist thrown in to save the day.  Serge gets fooled a couple of times leading up to it; I like stories where the protagonist is fallible.  All the plot threads get tied up neatly. Tiger Shrimp Tango is both a standalone novel and part of a series.  I’m not reading the series in order, and don’t think I’m missing much, although there was an exception to that here.  See below.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 429 ratings and 253 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.95/5 based on 1,966 ratings and 246 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Down on the street, people’s lives bounce off one another like eight balls in Frankie’s billiard joint, until one of them lands in the corner pocket of my office.  They pay two hundred clams up front to spill their guts about frame jobs, missing identical twins and alimony.  Most of them stink up my oxygen with alibis that are as shaky as an analogy that doesn’t fit.

    But this next one was a broad.  She knocked on my door like knuckles hitting wood.  I told her to have a seat and gave her a hankie.  She blew her nose like a British ambulance, and her sob story had more twists than a dragon parade in Chinatown.  (loc. 70)

 

    “Alfonso, Serge here.  I need a favor … What do you mean you don’t want that kind of trouble? … When has anything ever gone wrong? … That was just that one time … Okay, twice … Okay, now that time I did not burn down your warehouse … No, it was an electrical short from shoddy contractors … I did not overload the circuits making a Tesla arc transmitter to create artificial bursts of indoor lightning.”  (loc. 2016)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Tiger Shrimp Tango currently sells for $6.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series range in price from $3.99 to $7.99, with the exception of the most recent book, Mermaid Confidential, which for now costs $14.99.

 

“You almost expect to see people start farting Legos.” (loc. 971)

    The quibbles are minor and mostly cited for the benefit of any new readers to the series.  There is lots of partaking of drugs and alcohol, mostly courtesy of Serge’s trusty sidekick Coleman.  There’s a fair amount of cussing (25 instances in the first 20%), one roll-in-the-hay, and several allusions to doing it.  And perhaps most importantly, if you don’t like the concept of vigilante justice, do NOT read any of the books in this series.

 

    As mentioned above, there was one plotline carried over, presumably from the previous book in the series, Riptide Ultra-Glide, which I haven’t read.  Serge apparently loses a love interest in that book, Felicia, and her killer gets away.  Serge settles up here, and it was just a very minor distraction for me.

 

    Lastly but leastly, the dog dies.

 

    If none of these quibbles bother you, and if you’re looking for a “beach novel” type of story, featuring a psychopathic anti-hero with a loyal-but-always-stoned sidekick, then Tiger Shrimp Tango, or any other book from this series will be perfectly suited for you.  Tim Dorsey appears to churn a new book in the series, like clockwork, once a year, every year, and usually in January.  He's been doing so since 1999 (the only exception being 2011, when he published a second one, but it was a Christmas special), and I don’t think he has any intention of breaking that streak.

 

    8 Stars.  Speaking of Tupperware Parties (were we?), many, many years ago, quite by accident, I found myself attending one.  While tripping on acid.  Coleman would have been proud of me.  The ladies there were very tolerant of my situation, and did their best to make me feel at home.  Still, if you ever find yourself under a the influence of hallucinogens, I recommend avoiding Tupperware parties like the plague.

Gator a-Go-Go - Tim Dorsey

     2010; 337 pages.  Book 12 (out of 25) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    “It’s the holidays!  Go out and buy lots of beer and ice, pack it all in the cooler, throw it and a couple changes of clothes in the back seat and hop in.  We’re driving to Florida!!”

 

    “Sounds great.  Where are we going to stay, and what are we going to do down there?”

 

    “We’ll find some cheap motel somewhere and cram in as many people as we can find.  It’ll cut down on expenses.  After that, it’s booze, bikinis, and bongs!”

 

    “Hmm.  I thought it would involve firecrackers, exchanging gifts, or snarfing down turkey.  Tell me again which holiday we’ll be celebrating.”

 

    The biggest one they have in Florida!  SPRING BREAK!!

 

What’s To Like...

   There are three main storylines to follow in Gator A-Go-Go: a.) Serge’s quest to chronicle the history of Florida's famed spring break, b.) a gang of professional killers plying their trade, and c.) a father and son in a federal witness protection program whose cover has been compromised.  It isn’t difficult to see how those last two plotlines converge, the challenge lies in guessing how Serge is going to get dragged into the mix.

 

    There are a lot of running gags in this series, including Coleman’s imparting of stoner knowledge to the huddled masses and his obsession with doing cannonballs in pools; the travails of Johnny Vegas, otherwise known as “the reluctant virgin”; and, most noteworthy of all, Serge’s sense of vigilante justice and innovative executions.  For those who eagerly follow that last one, I counted seven of them here.  Several recurring secondary characters show up to entertain us again, including Agent Mahoney; Serge’s sexy girlfriends: City and Country; and my favorites, the biker grannies, Edith, Eunice, Edna and, Ethel.

 

    We get to go on a nice tour of the Florida party beaches while learning the history of spring break there; presumably most of it was factual.  The story behind how Daytona Beach got its name was equally enlightening.  The excerpt from the children’s book that Serge is writing, called “Shrimp Boat Surprise” was surprisingly well-penned, as were his Christmas letter and his commencement speech at a local kindergarten class.

 

    I enjoyed Coleman’s contributions about proper partying, even if I already knew about the “designated decoy”, and the “Seventh Son of a Seventh Son”, the latter of which is verifiably true.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen Bella Abzug get mentioned, ditto for New Hampshire’s now-defunct “Old Man of the Mountain”, which I saw as a kid before it crumbled.  The chemistry nod (DMSO) was neat; so were the music references to Randy Newman, The Eagles, and one of my favorite groups, The Doors.

 

    Everything builds to a nicely-crafted ending.  You kind of know who’s going to be in the big showdown and how it will play out, but the fun’s in the details of Serge’s carefully-laid plans, parts of which go unexpectedly awry, which I always appreciate.

 

    The last chapter is essentially an epilogue focusing on a number of the secondary characters.  Gator a-Go-Go is both a standalone novel and part of a 25-book series.  I am not reading this series in order, but other than forgetting and having to get reacquainted with some of the recurring characters, I don’t feel like I’m missing much.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 266 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.13/5 based on 2,687 ratings and 215 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Are you ready?  Bet you can’t wait!  Knock-knock!  Hi.  I’m opportunity!”  Serge placed a pile of large, thick-stock white cards on the counter.  He flipped up the top one, covered with Magic Marker handwriting.

    NO SOLICITING.

    The clerk scratched his head.  “You’re soliciting to sell ‘No Soliciting’ signs?”

    “I know!  Can’t believe it hasn’t been thought of before: The perfect mix of product and presentation.  We came in here creating a problem and providing the solution.”  (loc. 304)

 

    “Unfortunately, my plan leaves us trapped without escape from Guillermo’s murderous retaliation.”

    “I usually prefer a way out of that.”

    “Most people do, which is why I added liquor to the Master Plan’s cocktail.  It simultaneously accomplishes both objectives: taking out the target and creating an escape clause.”

    “How does it do that?”

    “Through a potent mix of French cuisine and The Simpsons.”  (loc. 3139)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Gator A-Go-Go sells for $6.99 at Amazon right now.  The other 24 books in the series range from $1.99 to $12.99, with the more recent ones generally having the higher prices.  I don’t think Tim Dorsey has written any other books, other than a short (96 pages) “Selected Articles and Essays” release titled Squall Lines, which will cost you $3.99.

 

“As the saying goes, the difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.” (loc. 244)

    The quibbles are miniscule.  There’s a lot of cussing (22 instances in the first 10%), some adult situations (though nothing lewd), and tons and tons of drugs and booze.  If these things offend you, you probably will also be aghast at Serge’s vigilante acts.

 

    It’s also true that the stories in this series are formulaic.  Tim Dorsey may shuffle the Florida history lessons, the backgrounds of the perpetrators and their victims, and the places visited in the Sunshine State, but the template is the same: Serge gets obsessed with Florida, bad guys interfere with his obsession by threatening good folks, bad guys are disposed of in innovative ways, good folks rejoice.  Some of us happen to really like that formula.

 

    If there was any sort of tie-in between the story and the book’s title, I never noticed it.  And last and probably worst, someone really needs to update Tim Dorsey’s Wikipedia page.

 

    8 Stars.  Gator a-Go-Go is a fun, fast-paced, ideal beach read with lots of laughs, drugs, and violence, with little or nothing to be taken seriously.  I know what to expect from a Serge Storms novel, and yet again, was not in any way disappointed.

No Sunscreen For The Dead - Tim Dorsey

    2019; 336 pages.  Book 22 (out of 23, with #24 due out next January) in the “Serge Storms” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Florida Crime Noir; Stoner Humor.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    Serge Storms has found a new passion in life.  A rich resource of historical information.  A veritable mother lode of Americana.  And his home state of Florida is blessed to have an abundance of it, just waiting to be tapped into.

    We’re talking about retirees, of course.  Otherwise known as, according to Serge: “bluehair, cotton-top, geezer, old biddy, old coot, old codger, old fart, over the hill, worm food, corpse-lite, junior varsity cadaver”.

    Along with his faithful sidekick Coleman, Serge is now on a mission to reach out to these people, to listen to their tales of ancient deeds, and to break bread with them, especially if they are paying for the meal.

    Alas, the lives of retirees is not always bliss.  Unscrupulous salesmen prey among them, fast-talking them into spending large amounts of money on things they have absolutely no need for.  They need a champion, someone to right these wrongs, someone to avenge these useless purchases.

    Perhaps Serge can be of assistance.

What’s To Like...

    Devoted readers of this series can rejoice, No Sunscreen For The Dead has the usual overall plot structure: Serge stumbles across an injustice and takes it upon himself punish the perpetrators in some very original ways, while Coleman provides comic relief by ingesting copious amounts of food, drugs, and alcohol and encouraging others to do the same.

    But there’s more to the plotline than that.  The FBI is puzzled by a strange spike in murder-suicides among the Florida retirees.  A nerdy data-cruncher can’t figure out why a client wants a database of people who are related but aren't twins, and have consecutive (last four digits of) social security numbers.  And we follow two guys named Teddy and Tofer who have a strange lifelong relationship that stretches way back to 1957.  You know that all these plot threads will eventually converge, and mix with Serge’s newfound desire to bask vicariously live the life of a retiree.  The fun is watching how Tim Dorsey accomplishes this.

    Unsurprisingly, the settings are limited to the state of Florida, mostly in the Tampa Bay and Sarasota area.  There are a few flashback scenes, some of which go back as far as 1957, and of course a whole bunch of clever Florida historical info dumps, delivered via short spiels by Serge.  I always love those.

    We get introduced to the Florida Amish retiree community, which I was unaware of, and who ride along the local highways at perilously slow speeds, but on tricycles instead of their traditional horse-and-buggy rigs.  Shoofly pies get mentioned (yum yum!), along with my personal gustatory weakness – Little Debbie snack cakes.  My personal hero, Rosa Parks, gets some nice ink, as does one of the watershed moments in the Korean War: Chosin Reservoir.  And I feel positively enlightened now that I know about the Teddy Roosevelt "Rough Rider" condoms.

    Everything builds to an ending that’s long of excitement although short on tension.  It felt more like vaudeville than breathtaking adventure, and seemed a bit contrived, but hey, what should we expect when Serge and Coleman are involved?

    No Sunscreen For The Dead is a standalone story, as well as part of a long-running series.  The pace is crisp, the wit is abundant, and all the plot threads get resolved nicely.  You don’t have to read this series in order.

Excerpts...

    Benmont grew up in a small coal-mining town in eastern Tennessee that had run out of coal.  The two children in his wallet were the product of a marriage to his high school sweetheart, who was an accomplished tuba player in the marching band and winner of the school’s contest to memorize the value of pi to the most digits.  The morning after his wife’s thirtieth birthday, she entered the Dollar Store and was overwhelmed with a shuddering realization that there was more to life than this.  Benmont came home to a half-empty closet and a note on the kitchen table.  (loc. 280)

    “Some scientists theorize that all of time has already happened, and the dimension is completely laid out like the others, but it’s just the constraints of our particular universe that create the illusion we’re flowing through it.”

    “Makes sense to me,” said Coleman, tapping an ash out the window.

    “And thank God it’s set up that way!” said Serge.  “Can you imagine if we could see all of time at once, but lose one of the other dimensions?  And then we’re a bunch of flat people who can’t move, like refrigerator magnets stuck to an infinitely large metal astro-plane stretching across the cosmos.”

    “I hate it when that happens.”  (loc. 1652)

Kindle Details…

    No Sunscreen for the Dead is presently priced at $10.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series range in price from $2.99 to $12.99.

“What’s the point of retiring to Florida if you don’t follow the weather back home?”  (loc. 688 )

    There are a couple quibbles, but most of them are for readers new to this series.

    There is an abundance of cussing, but that’s the norm for a Tim Dorsey tale.  If you’re looking for a cozy crime story, this ain’t it.  There are also some innovative executions (see below) committed by our protagonist, but this is something Serge fans always look forward to.  Several reviewers were appalled by this, but that just makes it obvious they’ve never read a book from this series before.

    Other reviewers felt the flashbacks made it hard to follow the storyline, but I had no difficulties.

    It did seem like Serge went looking for trouble here, which felt different to me.  Usually trouble comes looking for Serge.  And last, and incredibly nitpicky on my part, if there was a tie-in between the story and the book’s title, I never saw it.

    But enough of the quibbles.  No Sunscreen For The Dead is another fine installment in this series, and it amused me from beginning to end.  There’s nothing highbrow about it, its sole aim is entertainment (well, okay, and maybe to educate you a bit about Florida), and to that end, it fully succeeds.

    7½ Stars.  For those who keep track of such things, there are three Serge “executions” in No Sunscreen For The Dead, and without giving any spoilers, we’ll simply say they involve glue, dust, and Brillo pads.

Torpedo Juice - Tim Dorsey

   2016; 322 pages.  Book #7 (out of 23) in the Serge A. Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Florida Crime Noir, Stoner Humor.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    Hooray, hooray!  Serge Storms is getting married!   He’s not quite sure who the lucky lady is, but he’s confident his soulmate will walk into his life shortly.  It’s just a matter of keeping his eyes open, and using a pair of binoculars to improve his vision will only speed up the process.

    Hooray, hooray!  Coleman’s back!  You probably thought he died way back in Book 1, Florida Roadkill.  So did our narrator.  Now it’s his job to come up with some plausible explanation for just how Coleman managed to spring back to literary life.  Good luck with that, Mr. Narrator.

    You know, if we could just get Coleman and Serge to cross paths and team up once more, that would be really great.  For the reader, at least.  For the rest of Florida though, it might be an explosive disaster.

    Like a shot of Torpedo Juice.

What’s To Like...

    Torpedo Juice is another tale from Tim Dorsey’s always-entertaining Serge A. Storm series, which features the dynamic duo of a psychotic, serial killer anti-hero (Serge), and his usually-clueless stoner sidekick (Coleman).   This book actually marks the return of Coleman to the series, having been away for a couple stories due to …well… death.  Seemingly.

    Any Serge A. Storms book features a plethora on convoluted plotlines, and Torpedo Juice is no exception.  Serge treks around, trying to get his life in order and searching for his soul-mate.  Anna is on the run after her abusive husband is murdered.  A drug king is obsessed with the movie “Scarface”.  A greedy land developer wants to build more condominiums along Florida’s coastline because, hey now, you can never have too many of them.  And to sheriff’s deputies, Gus and Walter, just want to keep the riffraff out of their jurisdiction. 

    If you’re a veteran Tim Dorsey reader, you also expect to be treated to some innovative executions by Serge, and Torpedo Juice does not disappoint.   There are four of them here, which is about average.  The upside-down crucifixion doesn’t count though, cuz Serge didn’t do it; and the simple bludgeoning seemed a tad mundane for him.

    It was fun to eavesdrop on the patrons of the No Name Bar, and I liked mention of Firesign Theater.  I learned a new acronym, GOMER, “Get Out of My Emergency Room”.  The “Lower Keys Chapter of People Susceptible to Joining Cults” were hilarious, as were the details of Serge’s honeymoon night.  There are 42 chapters covering 369 pages, so finding a good place to stop for the night is always easy.  And keep in mind that Tim Dorsey writes for adult readers, so there is cussing, violence, sex, and lots of booze and drugs.

    All the plotlines and characters converge on the Florida Keys for an ending that I found to be superb.  Each of the main threads gets tied up, and the reader is treated to a bunch of finishing twists that somehow make sense.  Yes, those twists might seem a bit contrived, but I mean that in the most positive way.

Excerpts...

    “Communication is easy for me because I’m a listener.  I love to hear people gab about themselves.  Every single person is special.  Everyone has great stories.  Like you.  I’ll bet you have a million.  How old are you?  Sixty?”

    “Forty-three.”

    “I’m all about listening.  That’s why the world is in shambles.  Nobody listens anymore!”

    “I, uh …”

    “Shhhhh!  Listen,” said Serge.  “I have big news.”  (pg. 25)

    “Have you been seeing anyone else?” asked Daytona Dave.

    “Thought I’d found the perfect woman this morning,” said Serge.  “But it didn’t work out.”

    “What happened?” asked Bud.

    “He got tear-gassed,” said Coleman.

    “What approach are you using?” asked Sop Choppy.

    “He follows them at a distance with binoculars,” said Coleman.

    “That never works,” said Bud.  (pg. 134)

“Did you eat a lot of glue as a child?”  “Sometimes.”  (pg. 99 )

    There are some quibbles, the most notable of which is the lack of a main storyline.  Normally, Tim Dorsey includes one in each novel, such as the suitcase full of cash, which was used for two or three of the earlier novels.  Here there just isn’t one. Serge and Coleman bumble around, the other threads wend their way towards the Keys, but if I had to list the primary storyline, I’d be stumped.

    I get the feeling the primary purpose for Torpedo Juice is to get Coleman back into the series.  But that was clunky, and the pace was slow for the first quarter of the book as we wait for Serge and Coleman to cross paths.  To be fair, reintroducing dead characters in a series is never an easy or smooth undertaking.  For example, see “Bobby” in the soap opera “Dallas”, and even Arthur Conan Doyle’s miraculous revival of Sherlock Holmes from Reichenbach Falls. 

    Last, and least, Tim Dorsey used a very innovative literary device in Torpedo Juice when he wanted to keep the identities of several characters a mystery: he put them in various makes of cars, and referred to them by that.  So we have unknown people in cars like a brown Plymouth duster, a 71’ Buick Riviera, a metallic green Trans Am, a white Cadillac with tinted windows, and a jaguar (or jaguars) with colors ranging from black to white.  I found this clever, but also confusing.

    7½ Stars.  Here's the Bottom Line: Torpedo Juice might not be the best book in this series, but it is has lots of Serge’s trademark wit, a sufficient amount of intrigue and action, and is eminently entertaining.  And that’s the whole reason I read Tim Dorsey’s books.

Coconut Cowboy - Tim Dorsey

   2016; 322 pages.  Book #22 (and the latest) in the Serge A. Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Florida Crime Noir, Stoner Humor.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Welcome to Wobbly, Florida.  That’s “Wobbly” as in “crooked”, since scams and shakedowns and speed traps abound.  Also “Wobbly” as in “shaky”, since rumor has it that the dwindling groundwater level has made conditions ripe for a sinkhole to develop.

    But for Peter and Mary Pugliese, Wobbly seems like heaven compared to their native New York.  And well whattaya know, Peter’s a geologist.  He could be a valuable asset for studying the sinkhole issue.  Or for covering it up.   

    Meanwhile, our recurring protagonist, Serge A. Storms, has found a new passion in life – the movie Easy Rider.  He’s ready to chase the American Dream, through small towns in the backlands of Florida, and on a tricked-out chopper, just like Peter Fonda.  With his best bud and super stoner, Coleman, at his side, just like Dennis Hopper.

What’s To Like...

    Coconut Cowboy is another vintage Serge-&-Coleman saga, and that’s the best kind of Tim Dorsey storyline.  The chapters flip-flop between shenanigans in Wobbly, and the motorcycle meanderings of our dysfunctional duo.  There’s nothing very twisty in either plot thread, but the fun’s in the details, in watching as Dorsey contrives to bring both threads together, and in wondering if the sleazeball baddies are going to "get away with it".

    In addition to the usual psychotic wackiness, the reader is treated to all sorts of small-town Florida historical trivia ( I presume these anecdotes are factual).  We also get to attend the Purple Hatter’s Ball, and there’s even a mention of Krotz Springs, Louisiana.  Where, you ask?  Hey, my company used to have a plant there.  Along the way, you will learn important knowledge, such as how to best answer the question, “Honey, which one of my friends do you think is the sexiest?”

    As always, Tim Dorsey treats us to a fascinating cast of new characters.  Some are good, some are bad, some are smart and streetwise, some couldn’t spell “cat” if you spotted them the “C” and the “A”.  All of them have their charms.  You’re gonna love Elroy, Slow, and Slower.

    If you’ve never read a Tim Dorsey novel, you should be aware that there’s a goodly amount of cussing, some gratuitous violence, constant drug-usage by Coleman, and Serge-administered vigilante justice.  Here, there are five instances of the latter, albeit one by a guest executioner.  Some of us think that’s a plus.

    As expected, the wit, humor, and madcap situations simply sparkle.  The best is the Woodstock-esque hippie festival, with Serge inadvertently taking his first trip.  Cheech and Chong would be proud.  Coconut Cowboy is both a standalone novel and part of a series.

Excerpts...

    “Florida’s big-sky country, rolling hills and farms and sprawling beds of those lavender and harvest-yellow wildflowers in an intoxicating oil-painting palette like a Monet come to life.  When I was a kid, bumblebees whizzed around those flowers, and one of my uncles said you could catch a bee in your cupped hands, and as long as you kept shaking them, the bee would rattle around and couldn’t sting you.”

    “Did you try it?” asked Coleman.

    “Stung me right away and hurt like a bastard,” said Serge.  “The sixties were all about the lies.”  (pg. 96)

    “Why are you so upset?”

    “The last scene in Easy Rider always chokes me up.”  He aimed a camera out the window.  “Two freethinkers exploring the limitless road of our great nation, and they’re wasted by a pair of mental dead ends.”

    Coleman exhaled again as pot smoke filled a tiny cockpit.  “I remember that movie now.  It was about those cats doing weed all the time.  What a great plot!”

    “Coleman, that wasn’t the plot-“

    “It most definitely was the plot.”  (…)

    “Coleman, Easy Rider was about the American Dream.”

    “Like I just said.”  (pg. 26)

“One person’s Wiffle ball is another person’s butt whistle.”  (pg. 186 )

    The greatest fun in reading Coconut Cowboy is watching the two plotlines slowly race (is that an oxymoron?) towards convergence.  Unfortunately, a spectacularly-spun story is marred by an ending that is hasty, clunky, and strains at the believability factor.

    Serge and Coleman finally make it to Wobbly (that’s not a spoiler), and I looked forward to their climactic encounter with the baddies.  But in a blink of an eye, we jump from arrival to epilogue, with the events in-between related after that.  This drops the tension to zero, and flat-lined the excitement.

    Nevertheless, although this was disappointing,  I wouldn’t say that it ruins the book.  There's just too many plusses to this book.  It just pushes it down from “great” to “good”.

    8 Stars.  Add 1 star if you’re a bona fide biker.  Subtract 1 Star if you’ve never watched Easy Rider.