A Dead Red Gamble - R.P. Dahlke

    2018; 163 pages.  Book 6 (out of 7) in the “Dead Red Mystery” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Women Sleuths; Crime Mystery; Arizona.  Overall Rating : 6½*/10.

 

    Order in the court now, somebody shot young Judge Gavin Borrega!  In the courthouse!  In broad daylight!

 

    Where’s the security video?  Where were the court guards?  Heck, rumor has it the judge had even hired some private guards for added security.  Where were they?

 

    Maybe it was politically motivated.  It’s been said that Judge Borrega was being groomed for a run for the governor’s office.  Maybe it was some jilted lover.  Gavin was indeed a handsome fellow.  Maybe it was our hero, Private Investigator Lalla Bains.  She had a meeting scheduled with the judge at the same time as the murder took place.

 

    Hmmm.  Or maybe it had to do with those dozens of fluttering, squawking chickens which somebody dumped into the courthouse just before the shooting took place!  That couldn’t have been just a coincidence!

 

What’s To Like...

    A Dead Red Gamble is the sixth, and penultimate book in R.P. Dahlke’s Dead Red Mystery series.  It is set in Cochise County in southern Arizona, in the fictional town of Wishbone.

 

    The story's structure is the usual for this series.  Lalla and her PI partner (and cousin) Pearlie get drawn into investigating Borrega’s murder, albeit in an unofficial capacity.  Lalla’s husband, Caleb, is the police chief, and would rather his wife sit this case out.  That’s reasonable.  Her father, Noah Bains, is critically ill, which leads to the problem of who’s going watch Noah’s two foster children, Rocky and Jimmy.

 

    Naturally, the initial murder case rapidly gets more complex, with other killings, both past and present, coming into play.  There are other personal and professional issues as well.  Pearlie and her beau, Harley, are no longer on speaking terms, and neither will say why.  Lalla and Pearlie’s move into a new office, only to find it’s …erm… broomed.  And the cash-strapped Bains-&-Bains Detective Agency can receive a healthy bonus check if they can provide proof that an insurance client is faking an injury.  Hmm.  How do you go about proving that?

 

    That’s a lot of plot threads to deal with in ja novella-length book, but R.P. Dahlke manages to get them all tied up.  The story is told in the first-person POV (Lalla’s), and the chapters are relatively short (8½ pages average), with 19 of them covering the 163 pages.  A Dead Red Gamble is both a standalone tale and part of a series.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 326 ratings and 60 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.38*/5, based on 208 ratings and 30 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    I felt sorry for Allison.  I heard her smarts had landed her a co-anchor job on Channel Five.  Unfortunately, the station was following the growing Fox News practice of requiring female anchors to wear tight dresses and enough makeup to look like they were nightclubbing instead of reciting yesterday’s city council fights and today’s traffic jams.  Today, someone had decided that she could do without her glasses and things weren’t going too well for the poor girl.  (loc. 727)

 

    Since I promised to do Pearlie’s process serves while she went to Phoenix to get information on Judge Borrega’s stepfather, the senator, I got out her list and checked off the ones for which I’d need special props.

    What sounds really simple, hand a person a summons to court, write up a report and turn it into the court or the law firm, doesn’t always go well.  At least not for me.  Pearlie, with her big blue eyes, dimples and full-figured curves is a natural.  Women appreciate her gutsy attitude for the job, and men, well they usually drool, so process serving is easy for Pearlie.  (loc. 1423)

 

Kindle Details…

    At the moment, A Dead Red Gamble sells for $4.99 at Amazon.  The other six books in the series are all in the $3.99-$4.99 price range.  The author has three other e-books available, each priced at $4.99.

 

“You can’t hire a guy with Prosopagnosia.”  (loc. 1543)

    There’s only a small amount of profanity.  I noted just 6 instances in the first 25% of the book, five “hells” and one “damn”.  I don’t recall any “adult situations” in the story.

 

    The editing is good, and is mostly confined to punctuation issues: a missing comma here, a misplaced apostrophe there, etc.  There were a couple instances of hyphens inserted into compound words (example: news-people/newspeople), but I have a feeling those crept in during the conversion-to-digital stage.

 

    My biggest issue was with the ending,.  It felt rushed to me.  For most of the book Lalla noses around, coming up with a variety of possible suspects and motives.  That was good.  But instead of things building to an exciting climax, or Lalla using Sherlockian reasoning to peg the suspect, one of the characters simply reveals to her (and the reader) who killed who and why.  I found it disappointing.  I don’t recall the earlier books in the series having endings like this.

 

    Bottom line: if you primarily read cozy mysteries for the “cozy” human activities and not the “mystery” elements, you’ll enjoy A Dead Red Gamble, despite its brevity  However, the Mystery angle always takes precedence for me.

 

    6½ Stars.  Acronym Alert!!  The term “BOLO” popped up in the story, and without a translation.  My geezer brain tried various combinations, most of them involving “Buy One, L-Something, One”, none of which worked.  It turns out to be police-speak for “Be On the Lookout”.  Now you know.

Ten Big Ones - Janet Evanovich

   2004; 319 pages.  Book 10 (out of 31) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    There’s a psycho running amok in Trenton, New Jersey.  He calls himself the “Red Devil” and has held up fourteen of the city’s deli-marts.  First he robs them, then as he exits, he tosses a Molotov cocktail into the store.  Instant conflagration.

 

    Stephanie Plum accidentally interrupted his routine during his latest heist.  He got a flat tire out of it; she got a burned-to-the-ground car.  But Stephanie caught a glimpse of his face and, though it wasn’t anyone she recognized, she’d know him if she saw him again.

 

    Which, of course happened a short time later.  Unfortunately, the Red Devil also recognized her, and understood the threat when Stephanie yelled, “Hey!  Wait a minute.  I want to talk to you.”  A chaotic chase ensued, with the Red Devil getting away.

 

    It’s kind of weird when a bounty hunter and a pyromaniac robber are both driving around Trenton, teach trying to spot the other.

 

What’s To Like...

    Unsurprisingly, the Red Devil/Stephanie plotline quickly becomes more tangled.  A local gang, the Slayers, gets involved.  Then a contract killer arrives from California with a list of people he’s being paid to dispose of, and Stephanie’s one of them.

 

    Stephanie’s personal life is getting more complicated as well.  Her sister Valerie, to whom she’s lent her apartment, still hasn’t gotten a place of her own, and Stephanie’s current living situation—shacking up with her cop boyfriend, Joe Morelli—is making her feel cramped.  Her subsequent housing solution stirs things up still further.

 

    The gangs, hitmen, psycho store-robbers, and relationship issues give this book a darker-than-normal tone for a Stephanie Plum novel.  Things turn even darker when Steph and friends decide to kidnap a baddie and beat some information out of him.

 

    Fortunately, Janet Evanovich balances all this with some lighter elements.  Mary Alice still thinks she’s a horse, Grandma Mazur and Lula provide comedic embarrassment, and a new character, Sally, shows up sporting something called a “swear band”.

 

    Everything builds to an exciting, over-the-top, and nail-biting ending.  Help arrives from an unexpected source just in the nick of time.  All the “Bounty Hunter” plot threads are tied up, and all the “Love Triangle” plot threads remain enticingly unresolved.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,994 ratings and 994 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.15/5 based on 105,382 ratings and 2,568 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “This wasn’t one of my better days,” I said to Morelli.  “My car was destroyed, I was involved in a shooting, and I just sat through a dinner from hell.”

    Morelli slung an arm around me.  “Dinner wasn’t that bad.”

    “My sister talked cuddle umpkins to Kloughn for two hours, my mother and grandmother cried every time someone mentioned the wedding, Mary Alice whinnied nonstop, and the baby threw up on you.”

    “Yeah, but aside from that. . .”

    “Not to mention, Grandma got completely snookered and passed out at the table.”

    “She was the smart one,” Morelli said.  (pg. 47)

 

    “And I suppose it’s okay for you to go after him?” I said to Morelli.

    “I’m a cop.  We go after criminals.  That’s why you called me, right?”

    “And I’m a fugitive apprehension agent.”

    “Don’t take this the wrong way,” Morelli said, “but you’re not a great apprehension agent.”

    “I get the job done.”

    “You’re a magnet for disaster.”  (pg. 180)

 

“I know a doughnut butt when I see one.”  (pg. 184)

    The profanity level in Ten Big Ones, was about normal.  I noted twenty cusswords in the first 10% of the book, which included a half-dozen f-bombs.  References to adult situations, adult toys, and anatomical organs show up later on.  This is the norm for this series.   And we won't even mention the charming transvestite character.

 

    As mentioned, the ending is exciting, but it also felt a bit hurried and too convenient.  That’s okay, though, there’s simply no way to portray a street gang in a light-hearted manner and still make them believably threatening.

 

    Ten Big Ones is another solid entry in the Stephanie Plum adventures.  If you’re looking for a series that’s funny, thrilling, heartwarming, romantic, quirky, and twisty, I highly recommend giving this bounty hunter a try.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  Total cars trashed by Steph: One.  Total FTA’s rebooked by Steph: Seven.  Our protagonist is becoming an ace bounty hunter.

To The Nines - Janet Evanovich

   2003; 372 pages.  Book 9 (out of 30) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Plum and Lula have a new assignment.  Track down a missing FTA (“Failure To Appear”) kid named Samuel Singh and bring him in.

 

    This is a top-priority case.  So says Stephanie’s cousin Vinnie, who’s her boss and owner of Vincent Plum’s Bail Bonds.  It turns out Vinnie wrote something called a “visa bond” for Samuel, and if the missing-and-presumed-runaway fugitive can’t be found, Vinnie will lose a lot of money and credibility. Unsurprisingly, he’s very insistent that Singh be found immediately, if not sooner.

 

    Mrs. Apusenja and her daughter Nonnie feel the same way.  Samuel rents a room from the mom, and is betrothed to enter into an arranged marriage with the daughter.  Nobody walks out on something Mrs. Apusenja has arranged.

 

    Nonnie of course also wants her future husband found.  But funnily enough, she seems more concerned about her pet dog, “Boo”.  It seems the pup went missing from their yard the same day Samuel disappeared.

 

    Maybe they ran off together.

 

What’s To Like...

    To The Nines follows the standard plot structure for a Stephanie Plum novel, and that’s a plus, not a minus.  The simple catch-&-cuff task quickly gets more complex.  Various parties-of-interest drop dead, cold cases get warmer, and suspects pop up all over the place.  Stephanie starts receiving flowers from an admirer who wants to kill her, not romance her.  And as if Stephanie doesn't have enough to think about, the Ranger-Morelli-Plum love triangle is alive and cooking.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV (Stephanie’s), and for the most part is set in the Trenton, New Jersey area, plus a quick trip out to Las Vegas by Steph and Lula, the expenses of which can happily can be written off as a trip and picked up by Vinnie,

 

    To The Nines was published in 2003, when 9/11 was a recent occurrence and the airports were struggling with security protocol.  Watching Lula’s misadventures with airport security was hilarious, but also brought back personal memories of business trips during that time.  To boot, Samuel Singh worked in a QC lab; that was my career as well.  Other “signs of the times” included Stephanie using AOL as her e-mail carrier, and Magic The Gathering being all the rage.

 

    There’s action aplenty and it starts right away.  We join Lula and Stephanie as they attempt to capture an FTA named Punky Balog, who has a unique way of showing his disdain for their presence.  Janet Evanovich’s trademark wit and humor is present in abundance, as are Stephanie’s musings about her complicated feelings for Joe Morelli and Ranger.  The mention of the I-40 Interstate resonated with me; I’ve driven it a couple of times over the last couple of years.  And the implication that Scottsdale, Arizona was an awful place to live and work made me chuckle; it's considered an upscale snowbird haven by the rest of us Phoenicians.

 

    Things close with a deadly cat-and-mouse game orchestrated by the baddie.  All turns out well, but… well, we'll talk more about that in a bit.  To The Nines is 372 pages long, covered by 15 chapters, with all the plotlines tied up by the end.  It is both a standalone story and part of a 30-book series, and is still “active”, with the 31^st installment due out this coming November.

 

And for us OCD folks who love to keep track of things:

    Number of FTA’s apprehended: 4

    Number of bodyguards worn out: 2

    Number of cars wrecked by Stephanie : Zero!

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,219 ratings and 842 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.16/5 based on 120,841 ratings and 2,415 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Maybe I’d get more cases if I had more hair.  A lot of people don’t like bald men.  Not that I’m bald, but it’s starting to get thin.”  He smoothed his hand over his few remaining strands of hair.  “You probably didn’t notice that it was thin, but I can tell when the light hits it just right.

    “You should try that chemical stuff you pour on your head,” Grandma said.  “My friend Lois Grizen uses it and she grew some hair.  Only problem was she used it at night and it rubbed off on her pillow and got on her face and now she has to shave twice a day.”  (loc. 1429)

 

    “She’s coming with a dish of my mother’s manicotti.  Have you ever tasted my mother’s manicotti?”

    “You sold me out for manicotti!”

    Morelli grinned and kissed me on the forehead.  “You can have some, too.  And by the way, your hair is cute.”

    I narrowed my eyes at him.  I wasn’t feeling cute.  In fact, I’d decided I didn’t like cute.  Cute wasn’t a word anyone would use to describe Morelli or Ranger.  Cute implied a degree of helplessness.  Kittens were cute.  (loc. 4053)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, To The Nines will run you a mere $2.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the e-books in the series are priced from $2.99 to $9.99.  Janet Evanovich has several other series for your reading pleasure, mostly in the Romance genre, and in the $6.99-$13.99 price range.

 

“I think I might have gotten married to an Elvis impersonator.”  (loc. 2451)

    There’s quite a bit of profanity in To The Nines, but that’s the norm for this series.  There’s a nice selection of cusswords, including eight f-bombs; plus there are a couple of tastefully done rolls-in-the-hay, and one reference to an oral act.

 

    I only spotted one typo: smokey/smoky; and even that one is more a question of the preferred spelling (smoky), rather than being out-and-out wrong.  Kudos to whoever did the editing.

 

    My main gripe is with the ending: it felt contrived, too convenient, and rushed.  It’s difficult to give details without them being spoilers, but here goes.  Two characters get abducted without any details given of how and when.  One of them supplies key information that enables Stephanie to survive the game.  Stephanie’s aiming in total darkness is remarkably accurate, and the cavalry arrives in an unbelievably short time.

 

    Still, the ending was suitably exciting and it got the job done: Good once again wins out against Evil.  Overall, To The Nines was a solid entry in this series, despite the rushed ending.  I enjoyed the book and am eager to read the next one in the series, Ten Big Ones.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Late in the story, there is mention of peanut butter and olive sandwiches.  Stephanie makes them for supper with Joe Morelli, and it is implied that both of them enjoy such a meal.  El Yucko to the Extremo!

Still Life With Murder - P.B. Ryan

   2003; 296 pages.  Book 1 (out of 6) in the “Nell Sweeney Mysteries” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Historical Crime; Murder-Mystery; Women Sleuths.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

   The Good.  William Hewitt, one of the sons of Boston’s “upper crust” Hewitts, and reported as killed while attempting to escape the dreaded Andersonville POW camp four years ago, has just turned up alive in Boston!

 

    The Bad.  He’s been living under the assumed name “William Touchette”, and has just been arrested for murder.  Eyewitnesses confirmed his presence at the scene of the crime, kneeling over the corpse, knife in hand, and screaming at it about revenge.

 

    The Ugly.  William and his parents can’t stand each other.  His father is fully convinced of his son’s guilt and his mom wants to question Will about the incident.  William refuses to meet and talk with either one.  What can the Hewitts do?

 

    Maybe they should send their governess, Nell Sweeney, posing as some sort of spiritual guide, to visit “William Touchette” in jail.  She can at least ask him if he wants to retain a lawyer and/or get out on bail.

 

    Before they hang him.

 

What’s To Like...

    Still Life With Murder is set in the Boston area in the 1860s.  The prologue, which introduces us to Nell Sweeney and gives a backstory of how she came to be governess of little Gracie at the Hewitts’ manor, takes place in 1864; the rest of the book takes place in 1868.

 

    Although this is primarily a murder-mystery, I was impressed by the depth and detail paid to the historical aspect of the novel.  Things like women’s wear and house furnishings felt well researched.  So did, for that matter, the opium dens which play a prominent part of the storyline; including how they were laid out and the various gambling games they hosted, such as chuck-a-luck, rat’s night, and lansquenet, to keep the addicts entertained and spending even more money.

 

    There are some nice character studies in the story.  Nell, of course, gradually evolves into an amateur sleuth.  But that’s no easy task since Will Hewitt is a most uncooperative client – he refuses to confess or deny his guilt, and at times acts like he’d welcome the hangman’s noose.  The police detective is also non-stereotypical:  far from being bull-headed and resentful of Nell’s meddling, he shares information with her at times, and even occasionally invites her along on some of his inquiries.

 

    I enjoyed the smattering of French and Chinese phrases that were worked into the text, since I’ve taken some night classes in both.  Unfortunately, I drew a blank on the Chinese words (but maybe this was in the Cantonese dialect, not the Mandarin I studied), and I had to look up the context of the French phrase “Vous l’avez voulu, George Dandin”.

 

    The ending is satisfying, logical, with a bit of a twist to it that causes Nell, the police detective, and myself all to be slightly off in our theories as to who did the killing and why.  Will Hewitt rides off into the sunset (well, you knew he wasn't going to hang, right?) but I suspect he’ll become an important character in the series.  I have a felling that little Gracie will show up in the next book as well.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.2/5 based on 8,401 ratings and 1,523 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.91/5 based on 9,796 ratings and 958 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “The round head is because of the Caesarean.  She didn’t have to pass through the . . .”  Nell looked away, chastising herself for having made such a reference in polite conversation, especially with the likes of Viola Hewitt; what would Dr. Greaves say?

    Mrs. Hewitt chuckled.  “I’m afraid I’m not particularly easy to shock, Miss Sweeney.  Mr. Hewitt is of the opinion that I ought to be a bit more prone to swooning, but I never could quite get the knack.”  (loc. 301)

 

    “Let’s see if I understand this correctly.  Will is supposed to have killed this man because of an altercation over a woman.”

    Nell nodded.  “Kathleen Flynn, the owner’s daughter.”

    “Is she beautiful?”

    “I . . . she’s . . .”  Nell shrugged.  “I’m not really sure, from a man’s perspective.  Why?”

    “Will’s women are always magnificent.  And very sophisticated.  He liked them smart and a little dangerous.”

    “Kathleen is none of those things.  Although her father did compare her to his most vicious rat terrier.”  (loc. 3295)

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Gowsters (n., pl.) : violent or unmanageable persons; swaggering fellows  (alt. spelling)

Others: Merlin chair (n.), Stertorous (adj.).

 

Kindle Details…

    Still Life With Murder sells for $3.99 at Amazon right now.  The other books in the series are priced at $4.99 apiece.  P.B. Ryan, who writes under the name of Patricia Ryan as well, also pens the Historical Romance series, Lords of Conquest, with its six books all going for $3.99 each.

 

“Hate to ruin your little theory, sweet pea, but dead men are even worse at payin’ off their debts than live ones.”  (loc. 3884)

    There’s not much to gripe about in Still Life With Murder.  The profanity is light, just seven instances in the first 25% of the book, and all but one of those were the relatively mild epithet “damn”.

 

    There were a couple of ethnic slurs later on, but those would be consistent with lingo of the times.  There are several visits to opium dens along the way, but frankly this book serves as a warning against the usage of that drug, not a glorification of it.

 

    The editing was good; I noted just two typos: lean-to’s/lean-tos and wretching/retching.  Kudos to whoever the copy editors were.

 

    That’s about it for the nitpicking.  I like it when the murder-mystery I’m reading is set in another time and another place, with just as much attention paid to getting the historical fiction right as to getting the murder-mystery coherent.  Still Life With Murder succeeded nicely in that regard.

 

    8 Stars.  In looking at the Amazon blurbs, it looks like the e-book versions of the books in this series all came out in 2010, and the paperback versions all came out in 2014.  I’m guessing that means this is a completed series.  For me, Still Life With Murder was a great way to get introduced to Nell Sweeney.

A Dead Red Miracle - R.P. Dahlke

   2015; 250 pages.  Book 5 (out of 7) in the “Dead Red Mystery” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Women Sleuths; Crime Mystery; Arizona.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Bosses can be scumbags sometimes.  Just ask the cousins Lalla and Pearlie Bains, who are working for PI Ron Barbour as interns so they can get their Private Investigator licenses.

 

    Barbour’s business has slacked off recently, which means Lalla and Pearlie’s slice of the income has shrunk to a meager sum.  Now they’ve just discovered their boss has been hiding cases, and dollars, from them.  What a scumbag!  They're so angry they could just kill him.

 

    Except that someone has beat them to the punch… er… slaying.  They drive out the Barbour's house to confront him, and catch a glimpse the body of their boss dead on the floor of his house just before the whole place goes up in smoke.  The police soon arrive on the scene, and try to find out who did what to Barbour.

 

    Say, how come they’re looking at Lalla and Pearlie so suspiciously?  It’s almost as if they think Lalla and Pearlie might have done it.

 

What’s To Like...

    A Dead Red Miracle is the fifth book the R.P. Dahlke’s entertaining Dead Red Mystery series.  Pearlie, Lalla, her husband Caleb, and Lalla’s dad Noah have recently relocated from the fertile fields of Fresno, California to the desert dryness of Sierra Vista in southern Arizona.

 

    As mentioned, Lalla and Pearlie are in the process of applying for their Private Investigator licenses, which requires some on-the-job training.  Their mentor/boss’s demise puts those plans in jeopardy.  But it also gives them an opportunity to do some serious sleuthing.

 

    The case rapidly become more complicated.  There are several more deaths to look into, various suspects and material witnesses to track down, and two youthful delinquents (the Garza brothers) to find suitable foster parents to take care of.  Things become so hectic that Lalla and Pearlie have to hire additional help.

 

The story is told from the first-person point-of-view, Lalla’s.  Snarky wit, mixed with friendly banter, abounds between our two protagonists as they try to determine the perpetrators.  There is a nice bit of Native American culture blended into the tale, although the genre listed in the Amazon blurb, Native American Literature, seems a bit of a stretch.

 

    Things build to a suitably exciting ending, with all of the various plot threads (I noted ten of them) getting tied up.  The killings are solved mostly by Lalla’s logical thinking along wiht some fortuitous circumstances.  The story closes with a short but catchy Epilogue involving two pairs of siblings.  The sisters Velma and Zelma give our heroes a neat little plot twist, and the resolution of the Garza brothers’ future will warm your heart.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 1,429 ratings and 303 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.14*/5, based on 709 ratings and 72 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I thought you enjoyed the company of your landlady.”

    “She wants me to become a vegetarian.”

    “Sounds like a good idea.  You are a heart patient, you know.”

    “I’m a secondhand vegetarian.  Cows eat grass, I eat the cows, and I’m going to continue to enjoy eating that way till I die, thank you very much.”  (loc. 1014)

 

    “If you can’t pay your rent, we have a spare couch.”

    “Ew-w-w.  I’m not that poor.”

    “Since we’re talking about men, how was your date with the trainer from the gym?”

    Pearlie’s mouth twitched.  “Just because a man has Genius printed on his T-shirt, doesn’t mean he is one.”

    I grinned.  “Not hunky enough to ignore his IQ, huh?”

    “Not if he was wrapped in bacon and came with his own trust fund.”  (loc. 1814)

 

Kindle Details…

    A Dead Red Miracle sells for $4.99 right now at Amazon.  The other six books in the series cost either $3.99 (first and last books) or $4.99 (the rest of them).  R.P. Dahlke has three other e-books available, ranging in price from $3.54 to $3.99.  Two are part of a romantic sailing mystery trilogy, the third, and most recent, is a paranormal mystery.

 

“Damian broke into your office again and you reward him with a job?”  “We’re short-handed.”  (loc. 1967)

    The cussing is pleasingly sparse, just five instances in the first 20%, plus one racial epithet later on.  I love it when an author doesn’t have to resort to excessive foul language to set a scene.

 

    My main gripe is my usual one for this series.  The editing is atrocious, and seemed to get worse as the book progressed.  The typos included: Ifinally/I finally; waived/waved, sixty’s/sixties, gapped/gasped, and the embarrassing Barber/Barbour; and Damion’s/Damian’s, just to name a few.  There were also occasional missing words and/or misplaced plurals, plus one continuity issue – referencing a person who wasn’t present.

 

    But if you don't let the errata bother you, you’ll find A Dead Red Miracle to be an engaging tale where character development is just as important as the whodunit aspect.  The book kept my interest throughout, which was also true of the first four books in this series.

 

    8 Stars.  At 250 pages, A Dead Red Miracle was still a novel of acceptable length, but Book 6, A Dead Red Gamble, drops off to 179 pages, and Book 7, A Dead Red Horse Thief, is a mere novella-length 119 pages.  That last book was published in 2019, so I’m assuming that means R.P. Dahlke is finished chronicling Lalla’s adventures.  If so, then I for one, am bummed.

Hard Eight - Janet Evanovich

   2002; 326 pages.  Book 8 (out of 29) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime–Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Novel.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    It’s time to branch out a bit.

 

    After seven books’ worth of hauling in FTA’s (“Failures To Appear”), bounty hunter Stephanie Plum elects to do a favor for her parents’ neighbor, Mabel Markowitz, and go looking for Mabel’s daughter Evelyn and 7-year-old granddaughter Annie.

 

    It’s a pro bono job, and Stephanie still has to nab two FTA’s in her spare time.  But Evelyn’s recently divorced and everyone’s pretty sure she’s just gone into hiding with her daughter to keep the ex-husband from getting custody of Annie.  Foul play seems unlikely, and even the ex-hubby seems to want them found.

 

    But take care, Steph.  Other parties seem to also be interested in Evelyn’s and Annie’s whereabouts, and they’re not shy at all about resorting to violence.

 

     Including a rabbit and a bear.  Both about six feet tall.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hard Eight is the eighth book in Janet Evanovich’s great Stephanie Plum series.  I’ve been reading the series in order, although I don’t think that’s necessary.  The standard formula for these books still holds true here: what starts out as a seemingly straightforward task—locate the mother and daughter on the run—rapidly gets more complicated.

 

    Stephanie gets a new, and unwanted, sleuthing partner here, a bumbling lawyer named Albert Klougn (pronounced “Clown”), who adds yet another comedic character to the cast.  I hope Janet Evanovich plans to make him a recurring character.  Valerie’s daughter Mary Alice returns, she who is convinced she’s a horse, although for a while here, she’s also a reindeer.

 

    Stephanie still has to chase down two FTAs (gotta do something to pay the bills), and as usual, hilarious misadventures arise.  There’s also the series-long love triangle involving Stephanie, Ranger, and Joe Morelli to keep the reader entertained.  The recurring effort by Stephanie to choose between the two is once again present, and it’s not a spoiler to say that dilemma will carry over to Book Nine.

 

    The main storyline is the search for Evelyn and Annie, but there are various subplots to keep the reader’s interest.  Who sent the snakes, and why?  Who dumped a body in Stephanie’s apartment?  What’s with the Rabbit and Bear, and later on, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?  Who does Stephanie’s arch rival, Jeanne Ellen Burrows work for and why is she so interested in all this?

 

    I enjoyed learning about both death cooties and TastyKake therapy.  It was neat to find out that Stephanie’s “perfect” older sister Valerie once won a spelling bee in school, since I did the same many years ago.  Determining the bad guy’s identity is pretty easy for both Stephanie and the reader, but that’s okay.  This isn’t a whodunit, it’s a “whydunit”.

 

Excerpts...

    “Wait a minute.  I have a theoretical question.  Suppose you were watching television with me.  And we were alone in my apartment.  And I had a couple glasses of wine, and I sort of passed out.  Would you try to make love to me, anyway?  Would you do a little exploring while I was asleep?”

    “What are we watching?  Is it the play-offs?”

    “You can leave now,” I said.  (pg. 175)

 

    Halfway through the movie, the doorbell rang.  It was Ranger.  Dressed in his usual black.  Full utility belt, looking like Rambo.  Hair tied back.  He stood there in silence when I opened the door.  The corners of his mouth tipped slightly into the promise of a smile.

    “Babe, your couch is in the hall.”

    “It has death cooties.”

    “I knew there’d be a good explanation.”  (pg. 265)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 3,088 ratings and 945 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.16*/5, based on 121,011 ratings and 2,443 reviews.

 

“What are you, nuts? (…) I can’t shoot an unarmed rabbit.”  (pg. 281)

    There are a couple nits to pick.

 

    As usual there’s a bunch of cussing; I counted 23 instances in the first 20%.  There are two rolls-in-the-hay, and one indecent exposure incident.  Overall, this is about average for a Stephanie Plum book.

 

    For me, the bigger issue was the ending.  The tension builds towards an exciting showdown, but then all the action occurs offscreen.  We don’t witness the reunion with Evelyn and Annie, we don’t get to see the bad guys get their comeuppance, and worst of all (ANAICT) we don’t find out why Stephanie’s stun gun malfunctions at the most critical times.

 

    Still, those bad guys do get their comeuppance, and all ends well for the two runaways.  Hard Eight is full of interesting characters, snarky dialogue, romantic tension, and LOL humor.  That’s what I expect in a Stephanie Plum book, and this one delivered on all counts.

 

    8 Stars.  For those who keep track of such things accomplished by Stephanie:  Total Cars Wrecked: 3.  Total Handbags Lost: 1.  Total Handcuffs Lost: 5.

Seven Up - Janet Evanovich

   2001; 337 pages.  Book 7 (out of 28) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime–Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Novel.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Much to bounty-hunter Stephanie Plum’s chagrin, the half-blind old geezer Eddie DeChooch is proving quite difficult to bring in due to his FTA (“Failure To Appear”) court date summons.

 

    Oh, he’s easy enough to find.  He spends most of his time at home, although he also often attends social events, including viewings for deceased fellow-geezers at the local funeral home.  But finding him is one thing, cuffing him and getting him back to Cousin Vinnie’s Bail Bond Agency is quite another.  Eddie DeChooch is one slippery fellow.

 

    Maybe it’s because he’s depressed.  His last cigarette-smuggling caper got busted which had to make somebody in the local underworld very unhappy.  Maybe it’s his health problems.  His eyes need fixing, he’s got a bum prostrate, and his feet get cold.  It's no wonder that all he does is hang out at his house anymore.

 

    Most likely it’s that corpse in his backyard shed.  You know, the one belonging to that spinster Loretta Ricci.  The one with five bullet holes in its chest.

 

What’s To Like...

    Seven Up is another delightful tale in Janet Evanovich’s ultra-popular “Stephanie Plum” series.  So far I’ve been reading these in order, although I am getting the feeling that it isn’t necessary to do so.  All my favorite characters are back, including Lula, Stephanie’s mouthy sidekick; feisty Grandma Mazur, who goes for her first ride on a Harley here; and Mooner, who can be talked into just about anything by dangling a joint in front of him.  Also back are the two studs Ranger and Joe Morelli, both of whom give Stephanie the hots, and one of which she’s engaged to be married.

 

    There are some new faces to boot.  Stephanie’s sister Valerie, a “perfect daughter” according to their mom and therefore a polar opposite of Steph, moves back home, her marriage broken, with her two daughters in tow, one of whom, Mary Alice, is convinced she’s a horse.

 

    There are a plethora of plotlines to keep both the reader and Stephanie occupied, including trying to convince Eddie to give himself up, and finding out why someone would shoot five holes in Loretta Ricci’s corpse AFTER she'd already died from a heart attack.  Various characters go missing and/or get shot, there are wedding arrangements to be made, and of course big sister Valerie needs help coping with her midlife crisis.  Finally, there's the BIG question: who stole the pot roast, and why?

 

    The pacing is brisk, there's action aplenty, and Janet Evanovich's writing is as always, wonderfully witty.  This isn’t really a whodunit – technically Stephanie’s job is to bring Eddie DeChooch and other FTA’s in for rescheduling their court appearances and let the crime-solving to the Trenton Police Department.  But it’s fun to tag along with Stephanie and Lula because you know they’ll stumble into, and somehow help solve, those various crimes and disappearances anyway.  Who knows, they might even run across a clue after accidentally getting drawn into a mud-wrestling match.

 

    Everything leads up to a satisfying ending.  There’s a twist or two to keep you and Stephanie on your toes, and by the end all the criminal plotlines are tied up.  Justice is served, and things are once again well at cousin Vinnie's bail bond agency.  Now if only Stephanie could untangle her pesky love-life tangles.

 

Excerpts...

    “I got a job for you,” Vinnie said.  “I want you to find that rat fink Eddie DeChooch, and I want you to drag his bony ass back here.  He got tagged smuggling a truckload of bootleg cigarettes up from Virginia and he missed his court date.”

    I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I could see hair growing.  “I’m not going after Eddie DeChooch.  He’s old, and he kills people, and he’s dating my grandmother.”

    “He hardly ever kills people anymore,” Vinnie said.  “He has cataracts.  Last time he tried to shoot someone he emptied a clip in to an ironing board.”  (pg. 5)

 

    Valerie has always been coordinated.  Her shoes and her handbags always match.  Her skirts and shirts match, too.  And Valerie can actually wear a scarf without looking like an idiot.

    Five minutes later, Valerie had me completely outfitted.  The skirt was mauve and lime green, patterned with pink and yellow lilies.  The material was diaphanous and the hemline hit midcalf.  Probably looked great on my sister in L.A., but I felt like a seventies shower curtain.  (pg. 139)

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Johnson (n.) : (slang, vulgar) a penis.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 2,300 ratings and 821 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.14*/5, based on 122,016 ratings and 2,280 reviews.

 

“Holy crap. (…) You shot Jesus.  That’s gonna take a lot of Hail Marys.”  (pg. 105)

    It’s difficult to find anything to carp about in Seven Up.  If you’re keeping tally of “vehicles wrecked” and “bodies uncovered” by Stephanie, as Wikipedia does, here the total in one each.  That’s comparatively tame for her.

 

    And although I’d classify this as a “cozy crime-mystery”, it does contain a moderate amount of cussing, in this case 20 instances over the first quarter of the book.  There’s a nice diversity in those cusswords, with variations of “damn” and excrement expletives leading the way, but with the f-bomb occasionally showing up.

 

    Lastly and leastly, Stephanie’s taste in food has to be criticized.  One of her favorite snacks is  a “peanut-butter-and-olive sandwich”.  I got slightly sick just typing that.

 

    But those nitpicks pale compared to just how much of a light, quick, and fun read this was.  I'm a quarter of the way through this 28-book series, and I’ve yet to be disappointed.  Or, as Lula is prone to say, “Damn skippy!”

 

    9 Stars.