Ten Big Ones - Janet Evanovich

   2004; 319 pages.  Book 10 (out of 31) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    There’s a psycho running amok in Trenton, New Jersey.  He calls himself the “Red Devil” and has held up fourteen of the city’s deli-marts.  First he robs them, then as he exits, he tosses a Molotov cocktail into the store.  Instant conflagration.

 

    Stephanie Plum accidentally interrupted his routine during his latest heist.  He got a flat tire out of it; she got a burned-to-the-ground car.  But Stephanie caught a glimpse of his face and, though it wasn’t anyone she recognized, she’d know him if she saw him again.

 

    Which, of course happened a short time later.  Unfortunately, the Red Devil also recognized her, and understood the threat when Stephanie yelled, “Hey!  Wait a minute.  I want to talk to you.”  A chaotic chase ensued, with the Red Devil getting away.

 

    It’s kind of weird when a bounty hunter and a pyromaniac robber are both driving around Trenton, teach trying to spot the other.

 

What’s To Like...

    Unsurprisingly, the Red Devil/Stephanie plotline quickly becomes more tangled.  A local gang, the Slayers, gets involved.  Then a contract killer arrives from California with a list of people he’s being paid to dispose of, and Stephanie’s one of them.

 

    Stephanie’s personal life is getting more complicated as well.  Her sister Valerie, to whom she’s lent her apartment, still hasn’t gotten a place of her own, and Stephanie’s current living situation—shacking up with her cop boyfriend, Joe Morelli—is making her feel cramped.  Her subsequent housing solution stirs things up still further.

 

    The gangs, hitmen, psycho store-robbers, and relationship issues give this book a darker-than-normal tone for a Stephanie Plum novel.  Things turn even darker when Steph and friends decide to kidnap a baddie and beat some information out of him.

 

    Fortunately, Janet Evanovich balances all this with some lighter elements.  Mary Alice still thinks she’s a horse, Grandma Mazur and Lula provide comedic embarrassment, and a new character, Sally, shows up sporting something called a “swear band”.

 

    Everything builds to an exciting, over-the-top, and nail-biting ending.  Help arrives from an unexpected source just in the nick of time.  All the “Bounty Hunter” plot threads are tied up, and all the “Love Triangle” plot threads remain enticingly unresolved.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,994 ratings and 994 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.15/5 based on 105,382 ratings and 2,568 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “This wasn’t one of my better days,” I said to Morelli.  “My car was destroyed, I was involved in a shooting, and I just sat through a dinner from hell.”

    Morelli slung an arm around me.  “Dinner wasn’t that bad.”

    “My sister talked cuddle umpkins to Kloughn for two hours, my mother and grandmother cried every time someone mentioned the wedding, Mary Alice whinnied nonstop, and the baby threw up on you.”

    “Yeah, but aside from that. . .”

    “Not to mention, Grandma got completely snookered and passed out at the table.”

    “She was the smart one,” Morelli said.  (pg. 47)

 

    “And I suppose it’s okay for you to go after him?” I said to Morelli.

    “I’m a cop.  We go after criminals.  That’s why you called me, right?”

    “And I’m a fugitive apprehension agent.”

    “Don’t take this the wrong way,” Morelli said, “but you’re not a great apprehension agent.”

    “I get the job done.”

    “You’re a magnet for disaster.”  (pg. 180)

 

“I know a doughnut butt when I see one.”  (pg. 184)

    The profanity level in Ten Big Ones, was about normal.  I noted twenty cusswords in the first 10% of the book, which included a half-dozen f-bombs.  References to adult situations, adult toys, and anatomical organs show up later on.  This is the norm for this series.   And we won't even mention the charming transvestite character.

 

    As mentioned, the ending is exciting, but it also felt a bit hurried and too convenient.  That’s okay, though, there’s simply no way to portray a street gang in a light-hearted manner and still make them believably threatening.

 

    Ten Big Ones is another solid entry in the Stephanie Plum adventures.  If you’re looking for a series that’s funny, thrilling, heartwarming, romantic, quirky, and twisty, I highly recommend giving this bounty hunter a try.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  Total cars trashed by Steph: One.  Total FTA’s rebooked by Steph: Seven.  Our protagonist is becoming an ace bounty hunter.

To The Nines - Janet Evanovich

   2003; 372 pages.  Book 9 (out of 30) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Plum and Lula have a new assignment.  Track down a missing FTA (“Failure To Appear”) kid named Samuel Singh and bring him in.

 

    This is a top-priority case.  So says Stephanie’s cousin Vinnie, who’s her boss and owner of Vincent Plum’s Bail Bonds.  It turns out Vinnie wrote something called a “visa bond” for Samuel, and if the missing-and-presumed-runaway fugitive can’t be found, Vinnie will lose a lot of money and credibility. Unsurprisingly, he’s very insistent that Singh be found immediately, if not sooner.

 

    Mrs. Apusenja and her daughter Nonnie feel the same way.  Samuel rents a room from the mom, and is betrothed to enter into an arranged marriage with the daughter.  Nobody walks out on something Mrs. Apusenja has arranged.

 

    Nonnie of course also wants her future husband found.  But funnily enough, she seems more concerned about her pet dog, “Boo”.  It seems the pup went missing from their yard the same day Samuel disappeared.

 

    Maybe they ran off together.

 

What’s To Like...

    To The Nines follows the standard plot structure for a Stephanie Plum novel, and that’s a plus, not a minus.  The simple catch-&-cuff task quickly gets more complex.  Various parties-of-interest drop dead, cold cases get warmer, and suspects pop up all over the place.  Stephanie starts receiving flowers from an admirer who wants to kill her, not romance her.  And as if Stephanie doesn't have enough to think about, the Ranger-Morelli-Plum love triangle is alive and cooking.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV (Stephanie’s), and for the most part is set in the Trenton, New Jersey area, plus a quick trip out to Las Vegas by Steph and Lula, the expenses of which can happily can be written off as a trip and picked up by Vinnie,

 

    To The Nines was published in 2003, when 9/11 was a recent occurrence and the airports were struggling with security protocol.  Watching Lula’s misadventures with airport security was hilarious, but also brought back personal memories of business trips during that time.  To boot, Samuel Singh worked in a QC lab; that was my career as well.  Other “signs of the times” included Stephanie using AOL as her e-mail carrier, and Magic The Gathering being all the rage.

 

    There’s action aplenty and it starts right away.  We join Lula and Stephanie as they attempt to capture an FTA named Punky Balog, who has a unique way of showing his disdain for their presence.  Janet Evanovich’s trademark wit and humor is present in abundance, as are Stephanie’s musings about her complicated feelings for Joe Morelli and Ranger.  The mention of the I-40 Interstate resonated with me; I’ve driven it a couple of times over the last couple of years.  And the implication that Scottsdale, Arizona was an awful place to live and work made me chuckle; it's considered an upscale snowbird haven by the rest of us Phoenicians.

 

    Things close with a deadly cat-and-mouse game orchestrated by the baddie.  All turns out well, but… well, we'll talk more about that in a bit.  To The Nines is 372 pages long, covered by 15 chapters, with all the plotlines tied up by the end.  It is both a standalone story and part of a 30-book series, and is still “active”, with the 31^st installment due out this coming November.

 

And for us OCD folks who love to keep track of things:

    Number of FTA’s apprehended: 4

    Number of bodyguards worn out: 2

    Number of cars wrecked by Stephanie : Zero!

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,219 ratings and 842 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.16/5 based on 120,841 ratings and 2,415 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Maybe I’d get more cases if I had more hair.  A lot of people don’t like bald men.  Not that I’m bald, but it’s starting to get thin.”  He smoothed his hand over his few remaining strands of hair.  “You probably didn’t notice that it was thin, but I can tell when the light hits it just right.

    “You should try that chemical stuff you pour on your head,” Grandma said.  “My friend Lois Grizen uses it and she grew some hair.  Only problem was she used it at night and it rubbed off on her pillow and got on her face and now she has to shave twice a day.”  (loc. 1429)

 

    “She’s coming with a dish of my mother’s manicotti.  Have you ever tasted my mother’s manicotti?”

    “You sold me out for manicotti!”

    Morelli grinned and kissed me on the forehead.  “You can have some, too.  And by the way, your hair is cute.”

    I narrowed my eyes at him.  I wasn’t feeling cute.  In fact, I’d decided I didn’t like cute.  Cute wasn’t a word anyone would use to describe Morelli or Ranger.  Cute implied a degree of helplessness.  Kittens were cute.  (loc. 4053)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, To The Nines will run you a mere $2.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the e-books in the series are priced from $2.99 to $9.99.  Janet Evanovich has several other series for your reading pleasure, mostly in the Romance genre, and in the $6.99-$13.99 price range.

 

“I think I might have gotten married to an Elvis impersonator.”  (loc. 2451)

    There’s quite a bit of profanity in To The Nines, but that’s the norm for this series.  There’s a nice selection of cusswords, including eight f-bombs; plus there are a couple of tastefully done rolls-in-the-hay, and one reference to an oral act.

 

    I only spotted one typo: smokey/smoky; and even that one is more a question of the preferred spelling (smoky), rather than being out-and-out wrong.  Kudos to whoever did the editing.

 

    My main gripe is with the ending: it felt contrived, too convenient, and rushed.  It’s difficult to give details without them being spoilers, but here goes.  Two characters get abducted without any details given of how and when.  One of them supplies key information that enables Stephanie to survive the game.  Stephanie’s aiming in total darkness is remarkably accurate, and the cavalry arrives in an unbelievably short time.

 

    Still, the ending was suitably exciting and it got the job done: Good once again wins out against Evil.  Overall, To The Nines was a solid entry in this series, despite the rushed ending.  I enjoyed the book and am eager to read the next one in the series, Ten Big Ones.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Late in the story, there is mention of peanut butter and olive sandwiches.  Stephanie makes them for supper with Joe Morelli, and it is implied that both of them enjoy such a meal.  El Yucko to the Extremo!

Hard Eight - Janet Evanovich

   2002; 326 pages.  Book 8 (out of 29) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime–Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Novel.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    It’s time to branch out a bit.

 

    After seven books’ worth of hauling in FTA’s (“Failures To Appear”), bounty hunter Stephanie Plum elects to do a favor for her parents’ neighbor, Mabel Markowitz, and go looking for Mabel’s daughter Evelyn and 7-year-old granddaughter Annie.

 

    It’s a pro bono job, and Stephanie still has to nab two FTA’s in her spare time.  But Evelyn’s recently divorced and everyone’s pretty sure she’s just gone into hiding with her daughter to keep the ex-husband from getting custody of Annie.  Foul play seems unlikely, and even the ex-hubby seems to want them found.

 

    But take care, Steph.  Other parties seem to also be interested in Evelyn’s and Annie’s whereabouts, and they’re not shy at all about resorting to violence.

 

     Including a rabbit and a bear.  Both about six feet tall.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hard Eight is the eighth book in Janet Evanovich’s great Stephanie Plum series.  I’ve been reading the series in order, although I don’t think that’s necessary.  The standard formula for these books still holds true here: what starts out as a seemingly straightforward task—locate the mother and daughter on the run—rapidly gets more complicated.

 

    Stephanie gets a new, and unwanted, sleuthing partner here, a bumbling lawyer named Albert Klougn (pronounced “Clown”), who adds yet another comedic character to the cast.  I hope Janet Evanovich plans to make him a recurring character.  Valerie’s daughter Mary Alice returns, she who is convinced she’s a horse, although for a while here, she’s also a reindeer.

 

    Stephanie still has to chase down two FTAs (gotta do something to pay the bills), and as usual, hilarious misadventures arise.  There’s also the series-long love triangle involving Stephanie, Ranger, and Joe Morelli to keep the reader entertained.  The recurring effort by Stephanie to choose between the two is once again present, and it’s not a spoiler to say that dilemma will carry over to Book Nine.

 

    The main storyline is the search for Evelyn and Annie, but there are various subplots to keep the reader’s interest.  Who sent the snakes, and why?  Who dumped a body in Stephanie’s apartment?  What’s with the Rabbit and Bear, and later on, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?  Who does Stephanie’s arch rival, Jeanne Ellen Burrows work for and why is she so interested in all this?

 

    I enjoyed learning about both death cooties and TastyKake therapy.  It was neat to find out that Stephanie’s “perfect” older sister Valerie once won a spelling bee in school, since I did the same many years ago.  Determining the bad guy’s identity is pretty easy for both Stephanie and the reader, but that’s okay.  This isn’t a whodunit, it’s a “whydunit”.

 

Excerpts...

    “Wait a minute.  I have a theoretical question.  Suppose you were watching television with me.  And we were alone in my apartment.  And I had a couple glasses of wine, and I sort of passed out.  Would you try to make love to me, anyway?  Would you do a little exploring while I was asleep?”

    “What are we watching?  Is it the play-offs?”

    “You can leave now,” I said.  (pg. 175)

 

    Halfway through the movie, the doorbell rang.  It was Ranger.  Dressed in his usual black.  Full utility belt, looking like Rambo.  Hair tied back.  He stood there in silence when I opened the door.  The corners of his mouth tipped slightly into the promise of a smile.

    “Babe, your couch is in the hall.”

    “It has death cooties.”

    “I knew there’d be a good explanation.”  (pg. 265)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 3,088 ratings and 945 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.16*/5, based on 121,011 ratings and 2,443 reviews.

 

“What are you, nuts? (…) I can’t shoot an unarmed rabbit.”  (pg. 281)

    There are a couple nits to pick.

 

    As usual there’s a bunch of cussing; I counted 23 instances in the first 20%.  There are two rolls-in-the-hay, and one indecent exposure incident.  Overall, this is about average for a Stephanie Plum book.

 

    For me, the bigger issue was the ending.  The tension builds towards an exciting showdown, but then all the action occurs offscreen.  We don’t witness the reunion with Evelyn and Annie, we don’t get to see the bad guys get their comeuppance, and worst of all (ANAICT) we don’t find out why Stephanie’s stun gun malfunctions at the most critical times.

 

    Still, those bad guys do get their comeuppance, and all ends well for the two runaways.  Hard Eight is full of interesting characters, snarky dialogue, romantic tension, and LOL humor.  That’s what I expect in a Stephanie Plum book, and this one delivered on all counts.

 

    8 Stars.  For those who keep track of such things accomplished by Stephanie:  Total Cars Wrecked: 3.  Total Handbags Lost: 1.  Total Handcuffs Lost: 5.

The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart - Lawrence Block

   1995; 372 pages.  Book 7 (out of 12) in the “Bernie Rhodenbarr” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime Humor.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

 

    Meet Bernie Rhodenbarr, a burglar extraordinaire.  Or slightly more accurately, an ex-burglar, since he’s retired now, having found a new career as the owner of a used-book store.  It doesn’t pay as well as his old profession did, but the job security’s better and the police don’t hassle him as much anymore.  Bernie has found contentment.

 

    Now a new customer in the bookstore named Hugo Candlemas wants to hire Bernie for his burglary skills, for one night only.  But the pay is extremely lucrative, and the job sounds easy enough: break into an apartment, hunt for a portfolio, find it, and steal it. 

 

    Hugo Candlemas has taken several steps to make the heist as foolproof as possible.  He’s figured out a way to get around the pesky doorman, and assures Bernie that apartment's tenant will be out the entire evening.  What could possibly go wrong?

 

    Plenty, Bernie.  Plenty.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart follows Lawrence Block’s usual recipe for a Bernie Rhodenbarr mystery: an easy heist is planned, things go awry, Bernie and the police both try to solve the crime with grudgingly minimal cooperation, and everything eventually comes to a head with a bookstore meeting of all the suspects called by Bernie once he’s figured everything out.  It's a good recipe.

 

    There are plenty of plotlines to keep the things moving.  Corpses show up along the way; all of the suspects seem to have hidden pasts; and things disappear, including Bernie’s attaché case, his latest love interest, and the coveted portfolio.  When the attaché case does resurface, it has an enigmatic message scrawled on it.  It’s meaning seemed obvious to me, but not to Bernie, and it turns out I was obviously wrong.

 

    The book’s title references Bernie’s current cultural craze: watching oodles and oodles of Humphrey Bogart films at the local theater, preferably with a beautiful female companion accompanying him.  Booklovers will enjoy the many literary nods Lawrence Block scatters throughout the tale, including the novelist P.G. Wodehouse (Jeeves), the poet Winthrop Mackworth Praed (who?), and the loquacious historian team of Will and Ariel Durant, co-authors of an 11-volume, 13,549-page compendium called the Story of Civilization, which Amazon offers in e-book form for a mere $99.99.  There’s even a recurring playful wink at Sue Grafton’s “alphabetical” series with the facetious titles of ‘A’ is for Train, ‘Q’ is for Gardens, and ‘I’ is for Claudius, and it wasn't until writing this review that I "got" those bits of wit.

 

    Along the way we learn that Bernie’s middle name is ‘Grimes’, his favorite charity is the AHDA (American Hip Dysplasia Association), and the patron saint of burglars is St. Dismas.  One of the characters is fond of the word “anon” and the use of the subjunctive case, which meant I liked him immediately.  There really is a small village in New York called Quogue (pronounced "kwog"), but the "Internal Macedonian Revolutionary Organization" and the short-lived post-WW1 nation of "Anatruria" are both figments of Lawrence Block’s imagination.

 

    As always, the story is told in the first-person POV (Bernie’s), and as always the witty dialogue, Bernie’s charisma, and the plethora of interesting characters – some new, others recurring – kept me turning the pages.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Loid (v.) : to open (a locked door) by sliding a thin piece of celluloid or plastic between the door edge and doorframe to force open a spring lock.

Others: Thaler (n.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 122 ratings and 58 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.89*/5, based on 2,628 ratings and 149 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    What can I say?  I steal things.  Cash, ideally, but that’s harder and harder to find in this age of credit cards and twenty-four-hour automatic teller machines.  There are still people who keep large quantities of money around, but they typically keep other things on hand as well, such as wholesale quantities of illegal drugs, not to mention assault rifles and attack-trained pit bulls.  They lead their lives and I lead mine, and if the twain never get around to meeting, that’s fine with me.  (pg. 4)

 

    “What’s on the program, a poetry reading?”

    “Not exactly.”

    “Because I didn’t know you were into that.  I read some of my own stuff a while back at a little place on Ludlow Street.  Café Villanelle?”

    “Black walls and ceiling,” I said.  "Black candles set in cat-food cans.”

    “Hey, you know it!  Not many people even heard of the place.”

    “It may take a while to find its audience,” I said, trying not to shudder at the memory of Emily Dickinson sung to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas” and a lifetime supply of in-your-face haiku.  (pg. 285)

 

“You Assyrian guttersnipe.  You misbegotten Levantine dwarf.”  (pg. 291)

    There’s only a sprinkling of cussing in The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart.  I noted only 11 of them in the first quarter of the book, which included only one f-bomb.

 

    I was a tad bit disappointed in the ending.  Yes, it was both twisty and complicated – and that’s always something to look forward to in a Bernie Rhodenbarr mystery.  And yes, I’m happy to say I picked up on the key clue, although I didn’t know what to make of it, whereas Bernie did.  So what's my gripe?

 

    Well, I cringed at the final resolution of all the skullduggery.   Crimes were committed, perpetrators were unveiled, but even though the NYPD was present, no arrests were made.  What kind of object lesson is that?  Yeah, I know.  Picky, picky.

 

    Nevertheless, overall I still enjoyed The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart.  I'd call it a good, but not great, addition to Lawrence Block’s Bernie Rhodenbarr series.  It kept me entertained, despite the bit of stumbling at the end.

 

    7 Stars.  One last chuckle about The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart.  I chuckled at the “euphemisms for a euphemism” coined by Carolyn.  Instead of “a roll in the hay”, or other, more direct descriptive phrases, she opts for “a flop in the feathers” and “a tumble in the feathers”.  It’s little things like this that have made me a fan of this series.

Hot Six - Janet Evanovich

   2000; 336 pages.  Book 6 (out of 26, soon to be 27) in the Stephanie Plum series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Novel.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    For bounty hunter Stephanie Plum, business is pretty good right now.  Uncle Vinnie, the proprietor of Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, has given her four FTA’s (“Failure To Appear”) to round up, deliver, and collect the bounty money.

 

    Three of them – Lenny Dale, Morris Munson, and Walter “Mooner” Dunphy -  look like pretty routine jobs.  Morris Munson might have some tendencies, but that just means Stephanie will pack a firearm when she goes to get him.

 

    The fourth assignment is going to be significantly more challenging.  Carlos Manoso was caught on security videotape leaving a crime scene soon after a murder was committed.  The police consider Carlos a "person of interest" in the case, which probably means they'll arrest him as soon as they get their hands on him.  Unsurprisingly, Carlos has declined to meet with them.

 

    Carlos is better known as “Ranger”, and he’s both Stephanie’s sometimes love interest and bounty hunter mentor.  Can the student really outwit the master and bring him in?  Can she keep her emotions in check while doing so?  Did Ranger commit the murder?  And last but not least, was he really so clumsy as to get caught by a surveillance camera at a crime scene?

 

    Stephanie’s life is about to get steaming hot.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hot Six has two main plotlines: 1.) figure out how Ranger fits in with the crime he's a suspect in, and 2.) if he didn't do it (and let's face it, we can safely assume that), then who did?  As usual, a large dose of romantic comedy is provided by Stephanie because she has the hots for both Ranger and Detective Joe Morelli.  But here the mayhem is augmented by: a.) Grandma Mazur who moves in with Stephanie, b.) a goofy golden retriever who moves in with Stephanie, c.) a pair of inept thugs assigned to tail her, and d.) the crazy antics by the stoner called Mooner.

 

    Once again the story is told in the first-person point-of-view (Stephanie’s).  There are 15 chapters, plus a prologue (we’ll get to that in a bit) covering 336 pages, so roughly 21 pages per chapter.  There’s a fair amount of cussing throughout the book, about half of which has to do with fecal matter and its source, but that's the norm for a Stephanie Plum book.

 

    The plot moves briskly along the whole way, and Janet Evanovich sprinkles in a bunch of interesting side plots, which range from criminal activity (there’s a major mob presence in this part of New Jersey), to hilarious situations, such as the dog-poop auction in Chapter 7.

 

    Lula gets to ride along with Stephanie a lot, and that’s always a plus.  Rex the Hamster is back, and Uncle Vinnie has lots of things to stress out about.  Mooner and Bob are both new, and personally I’m hoping they become recurring characters.  I learned that a “Tech-9” is an assault weapon, which also explains the stage name of the rapper Tech N9ne, whom I happen to like.  Donald Trump and Rocky-&-Bullwinkle both get mentioned, Stephanie goes to a Star Trek party that turns ugly, and we witness what has to be the shortest dognapping caper on record.  I also should mention that, even though they’re a crime family, I loved the names Alexander Ramos gave his three sons: Hannibal, Ulysses, and Homer.

 

    The ending is good, with sufficient excitement plus a couple of neat twists I didn’t see coming.  Ranger gets off the hook - well, that isn’t really a spoiler now, is it? - and the love triangle of Stephanie, Morelli, and Ranger remains unresolved, which also isn’t a spoiler.  Not everyone gets their just desserts (yes, I know technically it should be “deserts”, but I prefer the two-S spelling), and Mooner and Dealer receive an unexpected reward.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.7/5 based on 1,051 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.19/5 based on 117,489 ratings and 2,428 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You see, Carol was coming out of the Frederick’s of Hollywood store, and she was flustered because she’d just gotten some sexy panties.”

    “Is this going to be embarrassing?”

    “Do you get embarrassed easily?”

    “What’s the point to all this, anyway?”

    “I was hoping you’d drop the charges.”

    “No way!”

    I sat down in the chair by his desk.  “I’d consider it a special favor.  Carol’s a friend.  And I had to talk her off a bridge this morning.”

    “Over panties?”

    “Just like a man,” I said, eyes narrowed.  “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

    “Hey, I’m Mr. Sensitivity.  I read The Bridges of Madison County.  Twice.”  (pg. 32)

 

    “You don’t actually think I’m your wife, do you?”

    His mouth pulled back into a loopy grin.  “No, but if they think I’m really flipped out I can plead insanity.  Poor distraught husband goes berserk.  I’ve laid all the groundwork with you.  Now all I have to do is carve you up and set you on fire, and I’m home free.”

    “You’re crazy!”

    “See, it’s working already.”  (pg. 166)

 

“He’s dead all right. (…) The giveaway is those three holes in his forehead.”  (pg. 227 )

    There’s not much to nitpick about.  There’s a short prologue at the very beginning, which answers an epilogue teaser from the previous book.  If you’re reading the series in order (and I am), it’ll make sense, but if you aren’t – and frankly, I think they can be read in any order – you’ll wonder what the heck it has to do with anything.

 

    The only other thing that bothered me a bit was the stereotyping of the Arab thug, Habib.  But Hot Six was published in 2000, a year before the 9-11 tragedy, and it was a different world back then.

 

    This series is now up to 26 books, with #27 due out later this year.  I suspect that at some point, it will start to feel like the stories are “same-old, same-old”, but that hasn’t happened yet.  As long as Janet Evanovich keeps introducing new criminals for Stephanie to catch, new lovably weird characters to stir things up, and new situations for her family and friends to drive her crazy with, I’ll remain an avid and loyal reader.

 

    8 Stars.  For those veteran Stephanie Plum readers who keep count of the vehicles that she totals in each book, there was only one here (her Honda Civic gets torched), although she’s an accomplice in three more.

Bad Guys - Linwood Barclay

   2005; 370 pages.  Book 2 (out of 4) in the “Zack Walker” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

     Recently, there have been a couple cases of breaking-&-entering around the city at high-end men’s stores, and Zack Walker, feature writer for the local newspaper The Metropolitan is covering part of the investigation.

    Okay, so he’s not covering the criminal investigation; that would be infringing on coworker Dick Colby’s “crime reporter” turf, and Dick’s known to be very territorial about it.  Actually, all Zack’s doing is taking notes while riding along with Lawrence Jones, a private investigator hired by an owner of a men’s store that has yet to be burglarized.

    “Riding” is an overstatement.  For the most part, they’re spending the whole night sitting in an unmarked car, watching who drives by the store, and trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.  Zack’s note-taking so far – he’s going to write a feature article about the PI business from all this – has covered what not to drink before a stakeout (no caffeine!) and how to … um … deal with excretory functions, if needed, without getting out of the car.

    When another private investigator dies in a hit-and-run while watching a different men’s store, it could have been an unfortunate accident.  But then when Lawrence is assaulted, it starts to look like a pattern.

    And Zack just might be the next target.

 What’s To Like...

    Bad Guys is the second book in Linwood Barclay’s Zack Walker series.  I read Book One back in 2014; it is reviewed here.  Book 4 was published in 2007 and there have been none after that, so I presume this is a completed series.

     The book is written in the first-person POV (Zack’s), and with 40 chapters covering 370 pages, it’s easy to find a good place to stop.  There aren’t a lot of characters to follow, but they’re all fun to meet-&-greet, even the baddies.  Unlike Book One, this is a whodunit, as well as a “whydunit”.

     Besides the crime angle, there’s also an equally interesting second plotline involving Zack’s family life.  Zack loves his wife Sarah, but she also happens to be his boss at the newspaper, and that leads to some touchy moments.  They have two kids – Angie, aged 18, and Paul, aged 16 – and all parties cope with the usual teenage/parent anxieties.  Zack can’t help himself, he wants to know what’s going on in his kids' lives, and his efforts to find things out lead to some awkward-but-funny situations.

     I liked the reference to the “Homer Simpson and his potato chips in space” nod, and the “Girl Scout leaders in stilettos” reference was a hoot.  I also learned that in a race between an SUV and a hybrid car, put your money on the SUV.  And be careful when taking a sip from a bottle of Snapple.

     The ending is clever, exciting, and stutter-step, the latter thanks to nifty twist that I never saw coming.  Overall, I was impressed by the “tightness” in the plot structure.  A half dozen other plot threads arise for Zack to suss out; they all get resolved by the end of the book, and it felt like all of the events along the way, no matter how small, factored into one plot thread or another.

 Excerpts...

    “So when you’re writing, doing your work, doesn’t that help get your mind off other things?  Isn’t that a good way to reduce your anxiety level?

    I nodded.  “For the most part.”

    “So, what are you working on now?  Another book?”

    Well, I’m back with a paper now, The Metropolitan, doing features.  You can’t exactly make a living writing books.”

    “I liked that one you did, about the guy goes back in time to kill the inventor of those hot-air hand dryers in men’s rooms before he’s born.  That wasn’t a bestseller?”

    “No,” I said.

    Harley looked surprised.  (loc. 136)

    “How about you?” I asked.  “You seeing someone?”  Paul put the fork into his mouth, his cheek poking out on one side.  I went on, “What about, what was her name, Wendy?”

    Paul shook his head.  He chewed a few times, washed the linguine down with some water.  “I never went out with her.  Besides, she has a butter face.”

    “A butter face?”

    “Yeah.  Everything’s great, but her face.”  (loc. 3117)

 Kindle Details…

    At the moment, you can pick up Bad Guys for a mere  $1.99 at Amazon.  Book One, Bad Move, sells for $8.99; Book 3, Lone Wolf, is $7.99, and the final book, Stone Rain, also goes for $1.99 right now.

    Linwood Barclay offers another dozen-plus full-length e-novels at Amazon, all in the crime fiction genre and, I believe, most written in a more serious vein.  They sell for anywhere from $4.99 to $18.99.

“Girl Scout leaders wear stilettos?”  (loc. 1025 )

    There’s not much to quibble about in Bad Guys.  There’s a lot of cussing in it; I counted 14 instances in the first 10%, and I think that’s representative of the rest of the book.  I’d call it excessive if it weren’t for the fact that Linwood Barclay has the writing skills to make it feel like the cussing fits the mood.  If you prefer your mysteries to be cozies, you should probably skip this series.

     Other than that, the only nit I can pick is that I figured out Trevor’s “secret” immediately, and long before Zack did.

    Bad Guys is a fast-paced delightful crime-humor tale that kept me turning the pages wondering what was going to happen next.  I enjoyed Bad Move as well, and don’t know why it took me six years to read the sequel.  I also don’t know why Linwood Barclay stopped the series after four books; here’s hoping he restarts it at some point in the near future. 

     8½ Stars.   We’ll close with two teasers from the book that I’d put in the category “sounds dirty but isn’t”: a character’s nickname of “Cheese Dick Colby”, and a snippet of text “You’re hot, Dad, very hot.  But please pull your pants back up.”

The Burglar On The Prowl - Lawrence Block

    2004; 350 pages.  New Author? : No.  Book #10  (out of 11) in the Bernie Rhodenbarr “Burglar” series.  Genre : Crime-Humor.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Surveillance cameras are cropping up all over the place these days.  Inside apartment buildings, along all the aisles in department stores, on the city streets, and above many sidewalks.  It’s getting to the point where it’s hard to make a living as a law-un-abiding citizen.

    Heck, you don’t even have to be in the process of committing a crime.  If you’re a not-so-well-to-do person walking around in a well-to-do neighborhood, and your face shows up on a surveillance video, well, people are bound to wonder what you’re doing there.

   Like, for instance, our protagonist, Bernie Rhodenbarr, who's the owner of a used bookstore by day, a small-time, part-time burglar by night, and known to a local police detective for both of those vocations.

    So when someone kills three people during a robbery in an upscale neighborhood, and Bernie’s face gets caught on a nearby sidewalk camera, guess who instantly becomes the prime suspect?  After all, what other reason could a known petty thief have for traipsing around the street there in the dead of night?

    Truth be told, Bernie had another reason to be there, and was completely unaware of the murder-robbery taking place.  He was checking out the neighborhood in preparation for a burglary of his own.  Which is not a very good alibi to give to the police.

    Good luck on wiggling out of this one, Bernie.

What’s To Like...

    The Burglar On The Prowl follows Lawrence Block’s standard pattern for this series: Bernie becomes the prime suspect in a crime, usually while perpetrating his own bit of larceny, and is therefore forced to solve it to clear his name.  His friend Carolyn Kaiser lends some well-intentioned but amateurish assistance, while Police Detective Ray Kirschmann waffles between arresting Bernie and/or aiding him, the latter option being contingent upon Ray getting the credit for solving the case.

    The may sound banal, but it works due to the abundance of wit, the lively pace, and the complex and intriguing plotline.  Bernie’s tasks here are to figure out a.) who killed a rich couple and their doorman (and why?), b.) who robbed Crandall Rountree Mapes (and what did they steal?), c.) who violated a trust in the worst way during a blind date, and d.) why would someone pay $1300 for a $12 book and then get killed for it?

    As usual, Lawrence Block gives nods to a bunch of his fellow authors.  Here he tips his hat to Graham Greene, Leon Uris, Joseph Conrad, George Gissing (who?), Marcel Proust, Edgar Allan Poe, and John Sandford.  The nod to the last one is quite clever: Sandford has a 30-book “Prey” series (Shadow Prey, Winter Prey, Chosen Prey, etc.) so Block “invents” a new title: Lettuce Prey.

    I enjoyed the somewhat dated references to LP’s and Amway.  There’s a sprinkling of Spanish mixed in, including one cussword.  I’d never heard of “milk chutes” before, and the “McGuffin which is really a false McGuffin” literary device made me chuckle.  I liked the several references to the 20th-century history of Latvia; it’s something near and dear to my heart.

    The ending is vintage Lawrence Block.  Bernie presents four different versions of it, which seemed a bit convoluted and confusing, but hey, it made things interesting.  Also, one of the bad guys gets away, and I’m always like that sort of thing.

Excerpts...

    “The man,” said my friend Marty Gilmartin, “is an absolute … a complete … an utter and total …”  He held out his hands, shook his head, and sighed.  “Words fail me.”

    “Apparently,” I agreed.  “Nouns, anyway.  Adjectives seem to be supporting you well enough, but nouns... “  (pg. 1, and the opening lines)

    “Only thing we found in the room was a scrapbook of newspaper clippings, an’ the last I heard they were lookin’ for someone to translate ‘em.”

    “Pardon my Latvian,” I said.  “I assume that’s the language they’re in?”

    “Some’s Russian, goin’ by the letters.  They’re in that alphabet they got, that’s like Greek but worse.”

    “Cyrillic.”

    “No, I’m pretty sure it’s Russian.”  (pg. 224)

When a cop’s not near the suspect he suspects, he suspects the suspect he’s near.  (pg. 118)

    I found The Burglar On The Prowl to be an entertaining read, although it might not be to everyone’s taste.  For starters, there’s a bunch of cussing in it, but that’s also true for the whole series.

    More serious is the blind date infraction.  This apparently offended some readers, and I admit it’s rather edgy.  Still, it’s a real risk in today’s dating scene, so perhaps it will serve as a warning about going home with someone you know absolutely nothing about.

    Personally, my only quibble was that there seemed to be more philosophical “asides” by Bernie as he tries to justify his larcenous proclivities, but this is nitpicking on my part.

    8 Stars.