Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages - Tom Holt

2011; 378 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Fiction; Humour.  Rating : 9*/10.

    There's a dimension-hopping pig.  There's a real-estate agent whose coffee cup keeps empyting itself.  There's a here-today-gone-tomorrow (literally!) dry cleaning shop.  There's a flock of chickens who think they're a bunch of lawyers who all have brothers who are musicians.  And there's two knights that have been dueling for centuries.

    And then, things begin to get really strange...

What's To Like...
    This is Tom Holt's latest offering (#45 or thereabouts), and the second one by him that I've read. There's chrono-hopping, dimension-travel, intrigue, mystery, and major weirdness.  And of course, there is LOL humor.

    The characters are heartwarming, even if they're "one-and-dones".   The book trots along briskly, and the plotline is complex.  Things teeter on getting out of control, but they never quite do.  No matter - the fun is in reading along and trying, along with all the characters, to figure out what the heck is going on.

    There's a Tim Henman plug on page 127 (Wiki him).  And last but not least, the greatest, most perplexing Question of the Universe is answered : "Which came first; the chicken or the egg".

Kewlest New Word...
Mither : To fuss over or moan about something over which you have no control.

Excerpts...
    He couldn't in all conscience critcise Gogerty on that score.  The job he'd been set was, after all, monstrously difficult, quite likely impossible: looking for a phase-shifting needle in a poly-dimensional haystack, blindfold and wearing wicketkeeper's gloves.  The more he thought about it, in fact, the more depressing it became.  (pg. 218)

    There's also a rule that says that women are allowed to be afraid of animals; they can make as much fuss as they like, and you're not allowed to tell them to pull themselves together or get a grip.  It's one of those complicated rules, like men having to carry the suitcase at airports but opening doors is male chauvinism.  "All right, then," he conceded.  "You know what," he added, "I think I may have seen him before somewhere."
    "Don't be silly," Eileen replied.  They're allowed to say things like that too.  (pg. 309)

In the presence of magic, logic is a chocolate frying pan and a Zimbabwean government stock.  (pg. 85)
  The quibbles are minor.  The ending has a bit too much "telling, not showing", and one or two of the loose ends (such as the two knights) are left untied up.

    But who cares?  The main point of reading a Tom Holt book is to accompany the cast of characters as they try to cope with rampaging zaniness.  The ending is charming; the writing is skillful; and every page is a-chock with chuckles.

     Comparisons to Robert Rankin, Jasper Fforde, and Terry Pratchett can be justly made; but the closest similarity is with the absurdism of Douglas Adams.  If you enjoyed HHGTTG, you'll like Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages.  9 Stars.

Pavane - Keith Roberts

1966; 277 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Alt-History; Fiction.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    In an alternate timeline, Queen Elizabeth 1 is assassinated, the Spanish armada conquers England, there is no Protestant Reformation, and the Vatican is the unquestioned ruler of all of Western civilization for centuries thereafter.

    Until the present.  Now, in 20th-century England, the seeds of revolt begin to take root.

What's To Like...
    Pavane was written in the 60's when Alt-History was mostly simplistic pap.  So it is a quantum leap forward for the genre.  Keith Roberts creates a dark, somber England, where only a privileged few are wealthy and everyone else is happy just to be able to put food on the table.  The Church has outlawed electricity and gas-powered engines, so Pavane is a also kewl forerunner of the Steampunk genre.

    The book consists of six short stories (musical "measures" in a pavane), which cover several generations of a family as they gradually begin to question and then resist the absolute authority of Rome.  It is much in the style of How The West Was Won, if you've ever seen that movie.

    There is some action (particularly in the last story), but not a lot.  The emphasis is on the people, and their evolving mindset, not on blood and gore.  Mass communication is done by a kewl Semaphore system (is this where Terry Pratchett got his idea for the semaphores in the DiscWorld universe?).  The "good guys" are well-developed, but the "bad guys" are mostly without redeeming values.

Kewlest New Word...
Bumph : Reading materials that you must read and deal with, but which you think are extremely boring.

Excerpts...
    It was odd; but now, he felt he could talk to the old man.  Now he could explain his hopes, his fears...  Only now was too late; because Eli was dead and gone, six foot of Dorset muck on his chest.  Was that the way of the world?  Did people always feel they could talk, and talk, when it was just a bit too late?  (pg. 26)

    "Yes", she said.  "It's like a ... dance somehow, a minuet or a pavane.  Something stately and pointless, with all its steps set out.  With a beginning, and an end..."  She tucked her legs under her, as she sat beside the fire.  "Sir John," she said, "sometimes I think life's all a mass of significance, all sorts of strands and threads woven like a tapestry or a brocade.
    "So if you pulled one out or broke it, the pattern would alter right back through the cloth.  Then I think... it's all totally pointless, it would make just as much sense backwards or forwards, effects leading to causes and those to more effects... maybe that's what will happen when we get to the end of Time.  The whole world will shott undone like a spring, and wind itself back to the start..."  (pgs. 247-48)

Time is forever and scurry and bustle can wait.  (pg. 62)
    Pavane starts slow, and the early lack of action will be off-oputting to a lot of Alt-History fans who pick up this book.  A lot of readers also didn't like the ending (the "Coda"), but I thought it completed the story beautifully.

    If you're looking for a slash-and-bash Alt-History tale (and I for one enjoy those), then it's best to skip Pavane.  But if you want to observe how the mindset of a populace slowly-but-steadily learns of, accepts, and finally embraces rebellion (which is historically true in most revolutions.  A single act, such as Bunker Hill, is simply the flashpoint), then you may find this to be an excellent novel.  7½ Stars.

The Drawing of the Three - Stephen King

    1987; 463 pages.  Genre : Thriller.  New Author? : No.  Book #2 (out of 7) of the Dark Tower series.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

   Roland (aka, "the Gunslinger") is ready to continue his quest to find the Dark Tower.  But first it is predestined that he open three doors - three portals in time, and probably to a parallel universe as well.  There are people he needs to meet ... and experience.

What's To Like...
The Drawing of the Three is a quantum improvement over Book 1, The Gunslinger, reviewed here.  The writing is better; the story is more coherent; and by now Stephen King has learned how to write a thriller.

    An Introduction is included, which revises the early version of Book 1 to fit it better into this story.  Since by chance it was the early version that I had read, this was much appreciated.

The people that the Gunslinger meets via the doors are not paragons of virtue.  One's a junkie; another's a schizo; the third kills for thrills.  There is loss (two fingers and a toe); there is action; there is romance (with a whole new meaning given to the term "threesome"); and there is time-travel, which I'm always a sucker for.  There's even a neat little tribute to Rosa Parks, one of my personal heroes.

Finally, there is some humor to offset the suspense, particularly the Gunslinger's confusion as he tries to understand our world and mis-hears its vocabulary.  So we get "astin", "magda-seens", tooter-fish", "tach-sees" and "fotter-graffs".  I'll let you work out what these are. 

Kewlest New Word...
Rugose : wrinkled; creased; ridged.  (Runner-Up was "Lobstrosity", a great portmanteau.)

Excerpts...
    "It's ka," he said, facing Eddie patiently.
    "What's ka?"  Eddie's voice was truculent.  "I never heard of it.  Except if you say it twice you come out with the baby word for sh*t."  (pg. 205)

    Roland felt a tired exasperation.  Someone - it might have been Cort but he rather thought it had been his father - had had a saying: Might as well try to drink the ocean with a spoon as argue with a lover.  If any proof of the saying were needed, there it stood above him, in a posture that was all defiance and defense.  Go on, the set of Eddie Dean's body said.  Go on, I can answer any question you throw at me.  (pgs. 348-49)

I looked at what he built, and to me it explained the stars.  (pg. 135)
    TDot3 is of course just part of a larger, much longer series; but it is a story-within-a-story, with a discrete ending.  I like that.  It is not, however, a stand-alone book.

    There is some great character development here, but it comes at the cost of there not being a lot of progress to the tale. After 463 pages, about all the Gunslinger has done is picked up some quest-companions.  I'm presuming they play important roles and will be around for a while, but that's not a given.

    TDot3 is a fast-paced, easy-reading page-turner, and a primer on how to keep readers on the edge of their seats.  The books start getting longer now, and all-told there are 4600+ pages in the series, of which I've read about 700.  I don't know if I'll read all seven books, but I'm definitely committed to the next one, The Waste Lands.  8 Stars for The Drawing of the Three.

Bears Discover Fire - Terry Bisson

1993; 250 pages.  Genre : Anthology; Short Stories; Fantasy.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    19 short stories from the imaginative mind of Terry Bisson, and published in various Sci Fi magazines in 1990-93.  They vary in length from 3 to 45 pages.

    The title story, Bears Discover Fire, is the best known, and won all sorts of awards : the Nebula, the Hugo, and the Sturgeon.  They're Made Out Of Meat is also famous, and was a Hugo nominee.

The Best of the Lot...
    Over Flat Mountain.  A gigantic upheaval raises the Appalachian Mountains 100,000 feet.  Yeah, the wear and tear on a semi trying to get over that hump is staggering  But it's all worth it when the driver picks up a young boy hitchhiking. 

    Press Ann. ATM options like you've never dreamed of.  Two Guys From The Future.  The good news for a struggling painter is that she's going to become famous.  The guys from the future say so.  The bad news is they're here to collect/preserve some of her works that she hasn't even painted yet.

    The Shadow Knows.  The last, and the longest of the stories.  SETI worked!  We've heard back from beyond the Solar System.   But not in the way we expected.

Kewlest New Word...
Importunate : persistent to the point of being annoying and/or intrusive.

Excerpts...
   "It all boils down to this," I said.  "Why did God give George wings only to have them cut off?"
    The minister told me that the ways of God were strange.  "Why does He give man life," he said, "only to take it away again?  Why did He create the sky and not allow the fish to see it?"  He continued in this vein for several minutes, and then concluded, "You know in your heart that the doctor and I are right - the child's wings must be removed."  (pgs. 74-75)

    "But we were trying to obey the law!"
    "That makes it even worse.  The law is a just master, but it can be harsh with those who try to sabotage its spirit by hypocritically observing its letter.  However, I'm going to delay sentencing on Conspiracy and Hoarding because we have an even more serious charge to deal with here."
    "Sentencing?  We haven't even been convicted yet."
    "Young lady, are you splitting hairs with me?"  (pg. 85)

If a lion could talk, we couldn't understand it  (Wittgenstein)  (pg. 206)
    The stories have different themes and settings; but each has a Bisson-trademarked "twist" in them.  This is Fantasy, and there is a lot of Surrealism, and very little Terror.

    The story Bears Discover Fire is a wonderful example of this, and a microcosm of Bisson's full-length novels.  It's set in Appalachia (Bisson's home ground), but then tickles your mind with a bunch of bears making bonfires, holding torches, and sitting around campfires eating newberries.

   But that isn't the story's focus; it's just the backdrop.  The main emphasis is a warm, interrelationship of a backwoods family.  And like them, you the reader are expected to just accept the ursine unnaturalness.  Weird, eh?  That's a typical Bisson technique, and he excels at it.

    Only a few of the stories seemed so-so, and your opinion of which ones are "meh" and which are "teh" won't match up with mine.  My generic advice re reading Anthologies applies here : read a couple per session; if you try to finish it in one sitting, it dulls the enjoyment.  7½ Stars, but only because there's a limit to how high I can rate any Anthology.  If you've never read any Bisson before, BDF is a nice way to get acquainted.

Lost Burgundy (Ash #4) - Mary Gentle

1999; 330 pages.  Book #4 in the "Ash - A Secret History" series.  Genre : Fantasy.  New Author? : No.  Rating : 9*/10.

    Oh, Ash.  You and your band of mercenaries are holed up in 15th-century Dijon.  Actually, you command all the forces there, about 2,000 fighters all told.  Unfortunately, there are 15,000 Visigoths besieging you. 

    They have catapults, Greek fire, and giant stone Golems that are nearly indestructible.  You don't.  They have food; you don't.  They have reinforcements on the way; the northern armies you were counting on have been annihilated, with their leaders' severed heads tossed on your doorstep.  The author has made it clear - there will be no deus ex machina.  Whatcha gonna do, Ash?

What's To Like...
The siege has been going on since 1/3 of the way through Book #3.  A lot of Book #4 is more of the same.  Mary Gentle keeps it interesting, even though Ash is at her best when she's hacking and slashing, not hunkering down behind city walls.

    The Alt-History is realistic and fascinating.  Mithraism is a major religion.  The Turkish Saracens come off as un-stereotypically noble-minded.  Ms. Gentle even deftly weaves the modern-day issue of gays in the military into the storyline.  The constant detailing of every weapon and piece of armor may be off-putting to some, but I thought it enhanced the believability of the novel.

Kewlest New Word...
Grotty : very unpleasant or miserable.  A corruption of "grotesque".

Excerpts...
    I think that I had almost come to believe in Vaughan Davies's theory out of sheer desperation - that there actually has been a 'first history' of the world, which was wiped out in some fashion, and that we now inhabit a 'second history', into which bits of the first have somehow survived.  That Ash's history was first genuine, and has now been - fading, if you like - to Romance, to a cycle of legends.  (pg. 783)

    White showed in his priest-cropped hair, as well as his beard.  He reached for his Briar Cross with his free hand; large, capable, and scarred.  A workman's hand.  His eyes were dark as the sow's, and each detail of his face was clear to her, as if she had not seen him for months and now he suddenly was before her.
    "You think you'll always remember the face," Ash whispered, "but it's the first thing to go."
    -You think there will always be time.
     "You try to fix it in your mind..."  Ash stirred, on the mattress.  Like water sinking through sand, the clear dream of Godfrey Maximillian in the snow sank away.  She tried to hold it; felt it sliding from her mind.  (pg. 984)

"You hunted a myth.  I made it real."  (pg. 780)
    Burgundy Lost is Book #4 of the Ash Chronicles, but I never did find it.  Instead I came across a copy of the British edition, which is a 1200-page, all-in-one tome.  The page numbers in the Excerpts reflect that, as does the book cover image.  British readers apparently have longer attention spans than us Yanks.

    The pacing is a bit uneven.  Book #3 covers only two days, and a large chunk of Book #4 stalls on Christmas Day, 1476.  There is a second storyline, the present day, told via e-mails.  A lot of people didn't like this, but I found it to be an effective set of entr' actes, nicely separating the chapters.

    Then there's the ending.  What a fantastic way of wrapping up an epic!  This is a spoiler-free blog, so we'll refrain from giving details.  But it truly is an innovative resolution of what to do with our doomed heroine.

    You can call this series (or 'this book' if you're reading it in England) Alt-History, or Historical Fiction, or just plain, old Fantasy.  It excels in all genres.  9 Stars, and that applies to both Burgundy Lost and the series as a whole.

The Witches of Chiswick - Robert Rankin

2003; 400 pages.  Genre : Humor; Fiction.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    Holy anomaly, Will Starling!  Is that a digital wrist-watch you see in that 19th-century painting by Richard Dadd?  But they weren't invented for another 100 years!

    Or so we've been told.  Hmmm.  Maybe that explains why those Terminator-type automotons are killing everyone who answers to the name "Will Starling".  Perhaps you should chrono-hop to Victorian England to straighten things out.

What's To Like...
    There are conspiracy theories galore.  There is lots of time-travel.  And none of that "Prime Directive" crap where you're not supposed to change anything while visiting the past.  The whole point here is to change things.  The events of the future affect the past.

    There are some kewl characters to get to know; some historical; some fictional.  Among them are Queen Victoria; her secret lover, Dr. Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Tesla (his kewl inventions anyway); Hugo Rune; Count Otto Black; The Elephant Man; that talented novelist, Lazlo Woodbine; and last but not least, Barry the Guardian Sprout.

    You have the typical Rankin zaniness, witty dialogue, and running gags.  The Witches kinda get short-shrifted, but that's okay.  People die, but they don't stay dead.  The "4th Wall" comes into play at times.

Kewlest New Word...
Athame : a double-edged witch's ceremonial knife, usually with a black handle.

Excerpts...
    The interior of the Shrunken Head was rough: it was dire, it was ill-kempt and wretched.  The management was surly, the bouncers were brutal.  The beer, a pallid lager called Little, was overpriced and underpowered.  It was everything that a great live-music pub should be.  (pg. 56-57)

    "I have been programmed to destroy you," said the evil automoton.  "And I have also been programmed with the entire Dimac manual.  And those of Karate, Ninjitsu, Kung Fu and Baritso."
    Will spun once more upon his heel and kicked it once more in the face, and the black-eyed monster once more repositioned his jaw.
    "And macramé," it added.
    "That's not a martial art," said Will.
    "It's a hobby," the thing replied.  "I will knit a plant pot holder from your beard, as soon as I have torn your head from your shoulders."  (pg. 343)

"It doesn't blow the snits out of your gab-trammel, if that's what you mean."  (pg. 58)
    At times, it feels like Rober Rankin loses control of the dizzying, convoluted plot twists, chrono-hopping, and historical alterations.  At times there's a bit too much talking and not enough doing.

    But the plotlines all come together nicely in the end, and witty dialogue is a major reason there is a devoted following of Rankin readers, including me.  If you've read other books by this author, The Witches of Chiswick will not disappoint.  If you haven't read anything by Rankin yet, this is as good of a place to start as any.  8½ Stars.

Druids - Morgan Llywelyn

1991; 400 pages.  Genre : Historical Fiction; Historical Fantasy.  New Author? : Yes.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

    Life is good for our hero, Ainvar.  He is the Chief Druid for all of Gaul.  He has the most talent for magic seen in many generations.  Kings and warriors listen carefully to his counsel.  He is the soul-brother of the famed Vercingetorix.  And he gets to practice sex magic with all sorts of women.

    But there is a black cloud on the horizon.  It wears a red cloak and is named Gaius Julius Caesar.  It doesn't take a ballista-scientist to divine his aims.  To subjugate all the Gallic tribes.  And exterminate the Druids.

What's To Like...
    The characters are well-developed.  The women characters are just as strong as the men.  Indeed, some even join the front ranks of the battles.  The historical portions (Vercingetorix's struggles against the Romans) are accurately detailed.

   Historically, very little is known about the Druids themselves, and most of it comes from the biased Romans.  So Morgan Llwelyn has free rein to develop a believable druidic system.  She's creatively superb at that, and it's when she's detailing the spells, propheecies, out-of-body erperiences, etc. that the fantasy part of the novel arises.  That's okay though, cuz New Age (so-called) Druids will eat it up.

    The magic is potent, but not all-powerful.  I'll put up with the sex magic, although the idea of a promiscuous priesthood seems a bit far-fetched.  And I'm okay with the uneven subject treatment (the Gauls wear the white hats; the Romans wear the black ones).  If you want to cheer for the Romans, go read Caesar's Gallic Commentaries.

Kewlest New Word...
Vates : Soothsayers; bards; prophets; poets.  Usually refers to Celtic practitioners of these arts.

Excerpts...
    If I could only reach the grove I thought, in my panic, that I would be safe.  The grove was sacred, everyone knew that.  Even the animals of the forest were said to revere it; surely the wolves would not kill me there.
    Surely.
    At fifteen, one believes any amount of nonsense.  (pg. 8)

    The chief druid never made an awkward gesture, even when he scratched himself.  Every movement was fluid, celebrating the ability to move.
    I was so impressed, I even believed he farted musically.  (pg. 23)

    "Don't waste your effort on smoke and sacrifice, Ainvar," he said harshly.  "We're winning through our own strength, not because of some dubious druid magic."
    Winners, my head observed, believe they succeed on their own merit.  It is only losers who require gods to blame.   (pgs. 341-42)

Death is a cobweb we brush through; not the last thing but the least thing.  (pg. 153)
    Druids is a nice blend of history and fantasy.  It is to Morgan Llywelyn's credit that neither overwhelms the other.  The writing is well-done and the pacing is good.  But this is also a tragic tale. 
The outcome is inevitable.  "Veni, vidi, vici."

    The ending is therefore sad, but not maudlin.  The Romans win; the Gauls are conquered; the Druids are scattered; and Ainvar is forced to flee for his life.  That may seem like a major downer, but be of good cheer.  There is a sequel.  9 Stars.

Indecent Exposure - Tom Sharpe

1973; 248 pages.  Genre : Political Satire; Humor.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    In the fictional South African city of Piemburg, the chief of police, Kommandant van Heerden, decides it's time to go on vacation.  As soon as he leaves, his back-stabbing, omni-bigoted second-in-command, Luitenant Verkramp, resolves to show people what he's capable of.  He succeeds, but that's not a good thing.

What's To Like...
    This is the sequel to Riotous Assembly, reviewed here.  Once again, there is a clever mixing of slapstick comedy with the horrors and brutality of South African apartheid.  Once again, there are a half-dozen storylines, all of them zanily running amok.

    Van Heerden, a Boer, uses his vacation to try and become Britishized.  Verkramp is an out-of-control  bundle of misguided energy.  Alarmed that some of the white police force might be having relations with black women, he initiates a comprehensive shock-aversion therapy program.  It works, but not in the way he intended.  Verkramp is also looking for Communist subversives, and if he can't find any, he'll make his own.  All the while trying to avoid the amorous clutches of a lady psychiatrist, one Dr. von Blimenstein.

    And do I spy the scurrilous Konstabel Els underneath yonder table?  I thought he was dead.

Kewlest New Word...
Divagation : a digression in a speech.

Excerpts...
    "Do you like it?" the doctor enquired stretching voluptuously.  Verkramp swallowed and said that he did, very much.  "It's the new wet look in stretch nylon."  Verkramp found himself staring at her breasts hypnotically and with the terrible realization that he was committed to an evening spent in public with a woman who was wearing what amounted to a semi-transparent scarlet bodystocking.  Luitenant Verkramp's reputation for sober and God-fearing living was something he had always been proud of and as a devout member of the Verwoerd Street Dutch Reformed Church he was shocked by the doctor's outfit.  As he drove up to the Piltdown Hotel the only consolation he could find was that the beastly garment was so tight she wouldn't be able to dance in it,.  Luitenant Verkramp didn't dance.  He thought it was sinful.  (pg. 39)

    "You must think I'm absolutely frightful," she murmured one afternoon as they sat on the verandah.
    The Kommandant said he didn't think anything of the sort.
    "I suppose it's because I've had so little experience of the real world," she continued, "that I find it so fascinating to meet a man with so much je ne sais quoi."
    "Oh, I don't know about that," said the Kommandant modestly.  (pg. 57)

All cats are grey when the candles are out.  (pg. 227)
    All the gallivating story threads get tied up neatly at the end.  The humor made me LOL, and that's a rare treat.  Indecent Exposure may be the only novel that has exploding ostriches in it.

    If there's a downside, it's that thre are no redeeming characters.  The British are dumb and stuffy.  The Boers are dumb and brutal.  The Blacks are dumb and cowardly.  The gays are dumb and stereotyped.

   Still, it is a worthy read, both for its lively wit and its ugly, gritty depicting of South African apartheid.  It is a subject Tom Sharpe knows only too well.  He lived in South Africa for a while, and in the early 60's was jailed, then deported, on the charge of sedition.

    There are enough references to events from Riotous Assembly, that you really should read that one first.  I found Indecent Exposure almost - but not quite - as entertaining as that one.  8½ Stars.

Nation - Terry Pratchett

2008; 370 pages.  Genre : YA Fiction; Adventure.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

    In the 19th-century South Pacific (known here as the "South Pelagic") a huge tsunami inundates an island village, leaving only one boy, Mau, as a survivor.   The killer wave also destroys an English sailing ship, depositing its wreckage on the same island, including a single survivor - a highborn girl, Ermintrude (aka "Daphne").

    Will the two castaways manage to  learn to communicate?  To survive?  To help the other refugees that straggle in?  To deal with the pirates that are prowling the area?

What's To Like...
    Nation is not part of Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.  It is darker, and deals with more serious and complex issues than are encountered in Ankh-Morpork.  And while there is some Pratchettian humor (most notably a salty-tongued parrot), it is overall less silly in nature.

    The tale plods for a bit as we get through the "Robinson Crusoe" phase, but picks up nicely with the arrival of others, along with Mau and Daphne's exploration of the island.  When the bad guys show up, things really get cooking.  This is also a coming-of-age story, but nothing unseemly.  Indeed, Nation is a YA book, though adults will enjoy it too.

    Pratchett weaves some nice twists into the storyline, and just when you think you've reached the climax, he shows you that isn't what he considers to be the main ending at all.

Kewlest New Word...
Crosier : a staff surmounted with a crook or cross, carried by bishops as a symbol of their office.

Excerpts...
    "She is a lady indeed, although my limited experience of her suggests that she is also a mixture of the warrior queen Boadicea without the chariot, Catherine de'Medici without the poisoned rings, and Attila the Hun without his wonderful sense of fun.  Do not play cards with her, because she cheats like a Mississippi bustout dealer, keep sherry away from her, do everything she says, and we might all live."
    "Sharp tongue, eh?"
    "Razor blade, Captain."  (pg. 9)

    "Why did the wave spare you?  Why did it spare me?  Why did it spare that baby which will die soon enough?  Why does it rain?  How many stars are in the sky?  We cannot know these things!  Just be thankful the gods spared your life!" shouted the old man.
    "I will not!  To thank them for my life means I thank them for the deaths."  (pg. 102)

Magic is just a way of saying "I don't know."  (pg. 157)
    How do you measure "civilization"?  If a country can make warships and cannons, and sail around the earth;  is it more "civilized" than one that uses spears and dugout canoes to live off the land; and can only travel among a chain of islands?

    Are our "western" deities superior to "nature' or "elemental" ones?  Are they more valid?  Where do natural disasters like a tsunami fit in with a supernatural plan?  Can any gods coexist with science?

    What is the balance between personal aspirations and duty to one's country?  Is a monarch freer or more confined by his role than you and I?  Finally, what priority does love have in all this?

    These are all good questions, and all get evenly addressed here, although Pratchett leaves it to you to determine the answers.  Nation is a worthy read for anyone over about 12 years old and will leave you with lots to ponder.  9 Stars.

The Naked God - Peter F. Hamilton

2000; 1332 pages.  New Author? : No.  Book #3 of the "Night's Dawn" trilogy.  Genre : Epic Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

    The galaxy-wide battle between Possessed and Unpossessed rages unabated.  Quinn Dexter has infiltrated Earth, despite all efforts to stop him.  Al Capone's starfleet has the Confederation on the brink of collapse.  And when cornered, the Possessed use their collective will to move entire planets to some unknown, faraway haven.

    The only hope appears to be some old Tyrathcan myth about some "Sleeping God".  But no one (including the Tyrathcans) have any idea what it is, let alone where to find it.  So you just know Joshua Calvert is going to be sent out on this wild goose chase.

What's To Like...
    The characters are superb.  There are decent Possessed folk, and even the arch-fiend Quinn is not completely "black".  Some of the Unpossessed, and the methods they use to combat possession, are ethically pretty shaky.

    The tension continues to build steadily.  Both sides score some much-needed victories.  The storylines keep expanding until, with only 300 pages to go, I questioned whether Peter F. Hamilton could bring it all back together and tidily tie everything up.  I shouldn't've worried.

    The ending was well-done, with multiple resolutions instead of a single Deus Ex Machina (the Sleeping God) taking care of everything.  Some found it contrived, but that's kind of necessary if we also expect all the storylines to conveniently culminate at the same time.  My only beef is that, as feared, The Neutronium Alchemist (Book 2) appears to have been a monumental tangent.

Kewlest New Word...
Hypergolic : igniting spontaneously when mixed together.

Excerpts...
    "I wouldn't have been so generous," Kiera said.  "You shouldn't show so much kindness.  People will see it as a weakness."
    "You're dealing with people, not mechanoids," Jezzibella said blankly.  "You have to make allowances for the odd mistake.  If you shoot every waiter who spills a cup of coffee over your skirt, you wind up with a self service bar."
    Kiera smiled condescendingly at her.  "What you'll actually wind up with is a group of highly efficient waiters who can do the job effectively."   (pg. 110)

    "Quinn, what happens after?"
    "After what?"
    "After the Light Bringer comes and, you know, we kill everyone that doesn't do as we say?"
    "We live in His Kingdom, under His  light, and our serpent beasts will run free and wild for the rest of time.  He will have saved us from enslavement inside the false lord's prison city; that heaven the dumb-ass religions keep singing about."
    "Oh.  Okay, that sounds pretty cool."  (pg. 1113)

"What kind of a universe is this anyway?"  (pg. 1099)
    The Naked God is the concluding book of the trilogy.  The first two books are reviewed here (The Reality Dysfunction) and here (The Neutronium Alchemist).  Naturally, the question you have to ask is : "At 3600 pages, is it worth my time?"

    Well, Peter F. Hamilton gives you a struggle of cosmic proportions, dozen of worlds to explore, and lots of people (human, alien, living, dead, undead, and various combinations thereof) to follow along with.  Every 30-50 pages, he hops to another thread, so things stay varied.  There is life, death, romance, drama, action, hope, and  despair; and even a little comic relief to occasionally lighten the way.

    In the end, Hamilton succeeded in keeping me entertained for 3600 pages, and that's no small feat.  I'd recommend this to any Sci-Fi fan, particularly those who enjoy Space Opera.  OTOH, if you aren't such an enthusiast or you think any book that takes more than a day to read is too long, you might not want to tackle this.  9½ Stars.

The Temple of the Muses - John Maddox Roberts

1992; 203 pages.  Book #4 of the SPQR series.  Genre : Historical Adventure; Murder Mystery.  New Author? : Yes.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Who would want to kill a crotchety old Alexandrian philosopher?  That's what our hero, Decius, wants to find out, even if it's technically none of his business.  He's part of a Roman diplomatic mission to Egypt, but his specialties are offending the natives and getting into trouble.  Fortunately, he's also pretty good at solving crimes.

What's to like...
    The story is set in Ptolemic Alexandria - slightly before the reigns of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar come to pass.  The Temple of the Muses is a history-lover's detailed delight - you can envision the streets and buildings of ancient Alexandria in its prime as Decius nakes his rounds investigating the murder.

    The story is told in the first person, and John Maddox Roberts gives our hero and abundance of wry wit.  Decius has some entertaining insights about religious cults (and religions in general) and political intrigue, which is the same in any age.  He also treats the subject of slavery evenly - horror stories are avoided, and Decius' slave, Hermes, is both a servant and a confidant.  But Decius is also aware that Hermes would bolt at the first chance if he was sure that he wouldn't be caught again.

Kewlest New Word...
Sistrum : a musical instrument of ancient Egypt consisting of a metal frame with transverse metal rods that rattle when the instrument is shaken.  See the Wikipedia article on it here.

Excerpts...
    The previous generation of Ptolemies had assassinated one another nearly out of existence, and an irate Alexandrian mob had finished the job.  A royal bastard, Philopator Philadelphus Neos Dionysius, who was, in sober fact, a flute-player, had been found to fill the vacant throne.  For more than a century Rome had been the power broker in Egypt, and he appealed to Rome to help shore up his shaky claim and we obliged.  Rome would always rather prop up a weak king than deal with a strong one.  (pg. 11-12)

    "That is the Temple of Baal-Ahriman, although in better days it was a respectable temple of Horus.  I would recommend that you avoid it, Senator.  It is a cult brought here by unwashed foreigners, and only the lewdest and most degraded of Alexandrians frequent it.  Their barbarous god is worshipped with disgusting orgies,"
    Hermes tugged at my arm.  "Let's go!  Let's go!".  (pg. 72)

A murder!  How thrilling!  (pg. 53)
   You'll find The Temple of the Muses in the Mystery section of your local bookstore or library, but if you read it for that, you'll be disappointed.  The key breakthrough moment is extremely contrived, and other logically important discoveries (such as a mercenary army training secretly in the desert) get mind-bogglingly ignored.

    OTOH, if you read this a historical fiction, you'll find it a fascinating story.  There's plenty of action, lots of intrigue, and a look at daily life in Ptolemic Egypt that you won't find anywhere else.

    At 200 pages, this is a quick read, and even though it is part of a series, it stands on its own quite nicely.  I liked it better than the Lindsey Davis 'Marcus Falco' book I read (reviewed here).  We'll give it 8 Stars, and if I run across any more of the series in the bookstores, I'm sure I'll pick them up.

The Gunslinger - Stephen King

1978-81 (or 1982); 304 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Fantasy (for now).  Overall Rating : 5*/10.

    "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."  That's the opening sentence, and pretty much sums up the plot of The Gunslinger.  Along the way, he passes through a town; stops by a way station; matches wits with an oracle; outwits some monsters; and faces an impossible choice given by the man in black.

What's To Like...
    This is really five short stories that Stephen King wrote for The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction over a three-year period.   This is some of his early stuff when he was still developing his writing style.

    Frankly, the first story - the eponymous "The Gunslinger" is ho-hum.  The storyline is weird and vague, and the style is ostentatious.  For example, there's this sentence : "He did not use the flint and steel until the remains of the day were only the fugitive heat in the ground beneath him and a sardonic orange line on the monochrome western horizon."  Yeah.  Or he could've just written, "He built a fire at sunset."

    But if you persist and read further, the storytelling improves and the style becomes more direct.  You can see/read him refining his technique from one story to the next.  This is Book 1 of the 7-volume (soon to be 8) "Dark Tower" series, which Stephen King considers to be his magnum opus.  Lots of people are gaga about it, so I presume the books continue to get better.  They certainly get thicker.

    There are lots of teasers in The Gunslinger ("Hey Jude" is said to be an ancient song); some humor; some food for thought; and a kewl post-apocalyptic setting.  Maybe.  Or perhaps it's a parallel universe.

Kewlest New Word...
Logy : dull and sluggish in motion or thought.

Excerpts...
    "...in the end, someone always has to have his or her neck popped, as you so quaintly put it.  The people demand it.  Sooner or later, if there isn't a turncoat, the people will make one."  (pg .148)

    But the man in black persisted: "Shall there be truth between us, as two men?  Not as friends, but as enemies and equals?  There is an offer you will get rarely, Roland.  Only enemies speak the truth.  Friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty."  (pg. 295)

Beyond the reach of human range
A drop of hell, a touch of strange...  (pg. 179)
    Strangely, The Gunslinger reminded me of Cormac McCarthy's The Road.   A man and a boy (the gunslinger picks him up at the way station) go traipsing around.  You're not sure where they're going and why they're going there; and when the ending shows up, you discover very little is resolved.  It should be remembered that this is just a prelude to the main storyline, and because the chapters were really separate stories in a sci-fi mag, the book inherently has a "segmented" feel.

    In and of itself, this is only a so-so novel.  But it gives some vital background about (what I presume are) several of the major characters in the series, and the surreal world they travel about in.   It's a fast read, and it gets more entertaining as you go along.  We'll give it 5 Stars, but call it a must-read if you intend to do the whole series.

The Man on the Balcony - Maj Sjowall & Per Wahloo

1968; 180 pages.  New Authors? : No.  Book #2 of the Martin Beck detective series (although Wiki says it's #3).  Genre : Murder/Mystery.  Sub-Genre : Police Procedural.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    The parks in Stockholm have become dangerous places.  A serial mugger is already prowling them, easily outwitting the police.  Now little girls are being molested and murdered there as well.  Is the mugger broadening his crime portfolio?  If not, perhaps he's crossed paths with the killer.  But he's not going to voluntarily come in for an interview, now is he?

What's To Like...
    This is a Police Procedural, which is my favorite kind of crime novel.  It's fun to watch the detectives try to solve a case with almost no clues.  Long hours and dogged determination are the key here - not thrills, spills, chases, and unbelievable coincidences.

    The Man on the Balcony is set in Stockhom in the 1960's, and things were done differently back then.  The police have no qualms about breaking into a suspect's apartment without a warrant, interrogating a prisoner for hours without giving him access to a lawyer, or simply phoning a person-of-interest up to question him.

    There is a sprinkling of humor, which balances some serious commentary about Sweden's social problems.  The translating seems competently done, and the authors hit a nice balance when dealing with the crimes - not too bland; not too lurid.

Excerpts...
    The knowledge that all this had happened before and was certain to happen again, was a crushing burden.  Since the last crime they had gotten computers and more men and more cars.  Since the last time the lighting in the parks had been improved and most of the bushes had been cleared away.  Next time there would be still more cars and computers and even less shrubbery.  Kollberg wiped his brow at the thought and the handkerchief was wet through.  (pg. 32)

    Stockholm is a city in which many thousands of people sleep out of doors in the summer.  Not only tramps, junkies and alcoholics but also a large number of visitors who cannot get hotel rooms and just as many homeless people who, though fit for work and for the most part capable of holding down a job, cannot find anyplace to live, since bungled community planning has resulted in an acute housing shortage.  (pg. 164)

"No wonder we're short of men in the force.  You have to be crazy to become a cop."  (pg. 27)
    This is a nice follow-up to Roseanna, the first book in this series (reviewed here).  There's a tad bit more "luck" here, but nothing that will make you say, "Oh c'mon now."

    The mystery itself is well-constructed.  I missed the scant clues (as did Martin Beck for a while), and so I was kept guessing along with the detectives.  The solution is neither too obvious nor too arbitrary.  My only beef is the book's brevity, although a number of other mystery authors also seem to think 200 pages per story is just fine.

    Maj Sjowall and Per Wahloo blazed the trail of the Swedish noir police procedural genre.  Henning Mankell and Stieg Larsson are worthy followers, but it's always neat to read to originals.  This is my second Martin Beck book, and I'm sure there will be more.  8 Stars.

Practical Demonkeeping - Christopher Moore

1993; 243 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Modern Lit; Humor.  Overall Ratng : 9*/10.

    Practical Demonkeeping is just like that old TV show, I Dream of Jeanie.  Except instead of a cute genie, you have an ugly, scaly, demon named Catch.  Who eats humans, but hey, a fella's gotta eat, right?  His "master" is a youthful-looking 100-year-old named Travis O'Hearn.  Who Catch sometimes obeys, and sometimes doesn't.

    Travis and Catch would both like to sever the relationship.  Which brings them to Pine Cove, a quiet, geezery California hamlet.  Bad luck for yooze, Pine Covians.

What's To Like...
This is Christopher Moore's debut novel, and his writing talent and sense of humor are immediately evident.  The pacing is good and the plethora of plotlines and characters are skillfully tied up at the end of the book.  The final resolution is a bit clichéd, but that feels appropriate here.  The laughs are abundant, and you will catch yourself chortling as you turn the pages.

Kewlest New Word...
Mingy : mean and stingy.

Excerpts...
    The Breeze could smoke all night, polish off a bottle of tequila, maintain well enough to drive the forty miles back to Pine Cove without arousing the suspicion of a single cop, and be on the beach by nine the next morning acting as if the term hangover were too abstract to be considered.  On Billy Winston's private list of personal heroes The Breeze ranked second only to David Bowie.  (pgs. 3-4)

    "Be quiet.  People are looking."
    "You're trying to be tricky.  What's morality?"
    "It's the difference between what is right and what you can rationalize."
    "Must be a human thing."
    "Exactly."  (pg. 73)

    Gian Hen Gian stepped forward and shook a knotted brown finger in Travis's face.  "Tell us where the Seal of Solomon is hidden or we will have your genitals in a nine-speed reverse action blender with a five-year guarantee before you can say shazam!"
    Brine raised an eyebrow toward the Djinn.  "You found the Sears catalog in the bathroom."
    The Djinn nodded.  "It is filled with many fine instruments of torture."  (pg. 185)

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.  (pg. 40)
    The worst I can say about Practical Demonkeeping is that I wish it was longer.  Christopher Moore immediately took care of that.  His next two books, Coyote Blue (1994) and Bloodsucking Fiends (1995), are 294 and 290 pages long, respectively.

    It can also be said that he got better as an author as he went along, although that's hardly something to hold against Practical Demonkeeping.

    All-in-all, this was a pleasant, light read that was over all too quickly.  But that's okay, cuz there are still three Christopher Moore books sitting on my TBR shelf.  9 Stars.

The Masters of Solitude - Marvin Kaye and Parke Godwin

1977; 404 pages.  New Author(s)? : Yes.  Genre : Sci-Fi.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    The plague is coming.  Every tribe of the Forest people can sense it, and they all know that their holistic and herbal medicines will have no effect.  The City has medical technologies and pharmaceuticals that can fight the disease.  But a Force Field surrounds it, and its inhabitants show no sign of wanting to help.  What can the Forest people do?

What's To Like...
    Set along the eastern seaboard of the US around 4000 AD, this is a nice-but-forgotten piece of post-apocalyptic fiction.  The Forest People have telepathy to aid them, but only medieval industrial technology.

They have a curious mix of religions.  Most of the tribes are "covens" (think Druids or Wicca), but one key city is "Kriss" (40th-century Christians).  There are also the non-religious "Mrikans" (Americans) who are mostly interested in money and commerce.

    The storyline is compelling and the characters interesting.  But don't get too attached to any of them, because there's a lot of dying going on.  The book centers on two half-brothers, Singer and Arin; but there are also some strong women to follow.  The battle scenes are gritty and realistic.  There's little or no magic to be found, and the "lep" (telepathy) has limited effectiveness.

    I enjoyed the underlying theme of how different theological and philosophical systems deal with each other.   It was a thought-provoking and appropriate topic for today's world.

Kewlest New Word...
Slatternly : characteristcs of or befitting a slut.

Excerpts...
    In the silence of the forest, someone thought of him, and he stirred, surprised and disturbed.  The bitter tang of derision burned the runes of his mind.
    Singer.  Misfit.
    Better to be alone than to live among uneasy coveners casting sidelong glances at him as he passed.  (pg. 1, opening lines)

    "So," he mused with a tinge of bitterness, "you live impossibly extended lives stuffing that electric sponge with everything that possibly can be thrown - or at least all that you and it consider important, and to hell with the world outside."
    She started to answer, but the sheer weight of the effort it would take crushed the impulse.  Marian shrugged.  "Something like that, Singer."  (pg. 384)

There is no courage without fear.  ...  And solitude is often the companion of fear.  (pg. 22)
    The pacing seems a bit uneven and there is a Deus ex Machina to deal with the Force Field.  The ending has a "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" feel to it, and that's not a compliment.  But I think there's a sequel, and if that continues the storyline, then The Masters of Solitude ends okay and it stands just fine by itself.

    The opening blurbs aptly mention A Canticle for Liebowitz, Brave New World, and Tolkien's LOTR trilogy, and if you like those books, you'll like The Masters of Solitude.  The plusses outweigh the minuses here, and overall it was an enjoyable read.  7½ Stars.

The Paris Vendetta - Steve Berry

2009; 472 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Action.  Book #5 in Berry's Cotton Malone series.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Cotton Malone's bookshop/home is crowded tonight.  Two hitmen have snuck in since he went to bed.  But they're not here to kill him.  Instead they're after an ex-Secret Service agent, Sam Collins, who also broke into Cotton's place after he went to sleep.

    Ah, but Rule #1 for bad guys is - never ever invade the home of the book's hero.

What's To Like...
    The action starts immediately and doesn't stop.  There are lots of storylines.  To wit : (01) Rommel's gold; (02) Napoleon's gold; (03) Evil finance experts rigging the global economy; (04) Henrik Thorvaldsen's revenge; (05) the world's most ruthless terrorist; (06) taking out the Eiffel Tower.

    Steve Berry does a good job interweaving these disparate plotlines, although at times it feels a bit forced.  Most of the book takes place in Paris, and that's always a plus with me.  He even sprinkles a bit of French dialogue in the book, although one gets the feeling that Berry's vocabulaire français is rather limited.  There are twists and surprises, and a well-crafted ending - precisely what you've come to expect from this author.

Kewlest New Word...
 Marplot : a meddlesome person whose activity interferes with the plans of others.

Excerpts...
    "Here's another reality," she said.  "Wars have always been financed by debt.  The greater the threat, the greater the debt."
    He waved her off.  "And I know the next part, Eliza.  For any nation to involve itself in war, it must have a credible enemy."
    "Of course.  And if they already exist, magnifico."
    He smiled at her use of his native tongue, the first break in his granite demeanor.
    "If enemies exist," she said, "but lack military might, money can be provided to build that might.  If they don't exist-"  She grinned.  "-they can always be created."  (pgs. 28-29)

    History is prophecy, looking backwards.  (pg. 49)

There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact.  (pg. 124)
    For all its action, The Paris Vendetta is more of a "relationship" book.  Thorvaldsen's obsession with avenging his son's death puts a critical strain on his several-books-long friendship with Cotton, who ultimately will have to choose where his loyalty lies - with his friend (who saved his life) or with his country.

    The action itself is a little less exciting than in the previous books in this series.  First, financiers are inherently somewhat boring as villains.  Second, while I'm sure I'd be thrilled to uncover Napoleon's treasure, it pales a bit cri-fi-wise to Alexander the Great's Tomb, the library at Alexandria, and a lost city beneath Antarctica.

    So for me, this wasn't quite as gripping as the previous book, The Charlemagne Pursuit, reviewed here.  Then again, I gave that one 10*/10, and perfection is difficult to maintain.  The Paris Vendetta may not be the best book in this series, but it's still pretty darn good.  8 Stars.

The Wild Machines - Mary Gentle

2000; 391 pages.  Genre : Historical Fantasy.  New Author? : No.  Book #3 in the "Book of Ash" series.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

   Book 2 in the series closed with half of Ash's mercenaries (a couple hundred all told) journeying to Carthage and rescuing her.  Book 3 opens with them now just outside Dijon, trying to join up with the rest of her force.

    The bad news is that there are 20,000 Visigoths besieging Dijon.  The badder news is Charles, Duke of Burgundy, lies within, mortally wounded.  Upon his death, the city's defense will surely crumble.  The baddest news is the Visigoths are led by Ash's twin half-sister (is that an oxymoron?), The Faris, and she is militarily invincible.

What's To Like...
    As always, Mary Gentle paints a realistic picture of a soldier's life in 15th-Century Europe.  It's gritty; it's bleak; and the best you can hope for is to die quickly and cleanly.  The characters are well-developed and interesting; and the Alternate History is believable.

    The first 300 pages focus on the siege, with Ash and company trapped inside Dijon.  There are occasional assaults by the Visigoths, but mostly we sit around waiting, and discussing all the equally bleak options.  That's probably how it is during a siege, and it can be a bit tedious.

    The last 100 pages are all action, and there's a neat and unexpected ending to The Wild Machines, despite the fact that this is actually one humongous book chopped up into quarters for us attention-span-challenged US readers.

Kewlest New Word...
Meretricious : apparently attractive but having in reality no value.  Here, a meretricious proverb.

Excerpts...
    "Everything they ever said about mercenaries is true!  We're nothing but a bunch of horse thieves!"
    "Takes talent to be a good horse thief," Euen Huw remarked professionally, and flushed.  "Not that I'd know, see."  (pg. 144)

    "We'll get you another warhorse," Anselm said, appearing at a loss when she did not speak.  "Shouldn't have to lay out more than a couple of pounds.  There's been enough dead knights won't need 'em anymore."
    "Jeez, Roberto, you're an ever-present trouble in time of help..."  (pg. 165)

    "How long it is, since last you spoke to me?"
    "Minutes... Not even an hour."
    "I cannot tell, child.  Time is nothing where I am.  I read once in Aquinas that the duration of the soul in Hell may only be a heartbeat, but to the damned it is eternity."  (pg. 260)

"You can't hide anything from the washerwoman.  Courage is brown." (pg. 297)
    The total time elapsed in The Wild Machines is three days.  Given that it's a quarter of the total opus, one certainly hopes that some it contains some significant events, but we won't know until we read Book 4.

    Mary Gentle is a skilled writer who kept my interest throughout the long siege in this book.  The storyline is complex, and there are enough characters and subplots to make me look forward to reading the next (sub)-book, Lost Burgindy, to see how she's going to tie everything up.  Stay tuned.  8 Stars.

Little People - Tom Holt

2002; 374 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Comedic Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    Mike Higgins keeps seeing elves.  Not that he wants to; they just seem to keep running into him.  Very strange.  Even stranger is the fact that his girl friend, Cruella Watson, believes him and is okay with it.  Which is better than his stepdad, who also believes him and is most definitely not okay with it.

What's To Like...
    The wit will have you chuckling and the metaphors (eg : "she looked up at me, bewildered as a chameleon on a paisley scarf") will have you groaning.   It's written in British, not American, so you have to figure out 'foreign' words, such as Sellotape, kip, biro, etc.  There also are some obscure references to track down, such as Isambard Brunel, Peter Tatchell, and Occam's Razor.

    There is adventure for the guys; romance for the gals.  There is mystery for the inquisitive, and parallel universes for us dimension-hoppers.  And there are elves.  Lots of them.

Kewlest New Word...
Stroppy : easily offended or annoyed; ill-tempered.

Excerpts...
    She was sullen, razor-tongued and miserable as sin, having a father who lived behind a desk in a solicitors' office and a mother who despised her because her hair didn't go with the curtains.  I saw elves.  Who in God's name else would want either one of us?  (pg. 10)

    When you can't solve the whole problem, my aunt Sheila once told me, nibble off the simplest bit of it and try solving that;  it probably won't get you anywhere much, but at least you won't feel such a total dead loss.  (pg. 80)

    "I mean, Nobel Prizes, they're all very fine and splendid but at the end of that day it's just another bit of clutter on the mantelpiece every time you dust.  The money, on the other hand..."  (pg. 182)

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a pointy ear for a pointy ear"  (pg. 321)
    For whatever reason, I find British humorists much funnier that American humorists.  Tom Holt has been compared to Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, but I find him more akin to Robert Rankin, and that's a great big plus.

    There are some weaknesses in Little People.  At times, there's too much telling and not enough showing.  For all the verbiage devoted to them, I really expected Mike's parents to be more than bit players in the book.  The ending stutter-steps and is a bit clunky.

    Still, this is a light, entertaining read, which also gives some intriguing insight on the two meanings of "little people".  Thoughtful humor has to be difficult to write, but it's a joy to read when it's done well.  7½ Stars.

Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Alliance - Larry Millett

2001; 401 pages (plus 32 pages of notes).  New Author? : Yes.  Book #4 in Millett's Sherlock Holmes series.  Genre : Murder/Mystery.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

    What on earth are Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson doing in Minnesota in 1899?  Helping their friends and fellow sleuths - Shadwell Rafferty and George Washington Thomas - solve a murder/mystery.  A labor activist has been killed, stripped, and then hanged.  Just to make sure the message is clear, a sign in hung around the victim's neck, reading "The Secret Alliance Has Spoken".  But was it really done by them?  Can our fact-finding foursome get to the bottom of this?  What do you think?

What's To Like...
    The action starts immediately.  We have a body by page 4; and Rafferty is on the case by page 13.  The murder/mystery is nicely constructed.  The solution is neither too obvious, nor too arbitrary.

    Larry Millett lives in the Twin Cities, and takes pains to give you a detailed "feel" for life there at the dawn of the 20th century.  But if historical details aren't your shtick, be of good cheer - most of the minutiae are in notes in the back of the book.  The subject of labor unions vs. industry management is given an even-handed treatment.  Greed has its counter in Extremism; and in 1899, any and all foes are conveniently labeled anarchists, just like today we conveniently call them all terrorists.

    Alas, this isn't the Sherlock Holmes I know.  This one is troubled by his dreams and gets guidance from his premonitions.  Arthur Conan Doyle's Holmes would never do anything that subjective.  Also, Holmes and Watson don't arrive on the scene until almost halfway through the book (page 186, to be exact), and there are very few brilliant Holmesian deductions that we all look forward to.

    Finally, there are way too many back-reference plugs for earlier books in this series.  And Rafferty drops his g's with annoying  frequency.  Sharin'; tryin'; doin'; etc.

Kewlest New Word...
Flaneur : an idler; a loafer.

Excerpts...
    "Ah yes, Miss Addie O'Donnell, the outspoken friend of the workingman.  Have you gone through her place yet with your usual destructive thoroughness?"
    "No.  We do that and she'll raise a big stink in the newspapers."
    "True.  The First Amendment is a constant bother, isn't it, Dolph?  If the Founding Fathers had only started with the Second, our lives would be immeasurably easier."  (pgs. 32-33)

    "Am I callous?  Perhaps, but the reality is that I can do nothing about the accident any more.  Nothing.  I can only accept that what happened was part of God's plan."
    Rafferty had found that when people spoke of "God's plan" they were usually referring to someone else's misfortune, thereby confirming their own lofty status before the Almighty.  (pg. 230)

"Spite, you see, can be a form of idealism."  (pg. 77)
    Larry Millett's Sherlock Holmes will not supplant the original.  Ditto for the mystery itself, and the investigative techniques used to solve it.

    Which is a shame, because based on its own merits, this story is quite good.  If you edit out the two Englishmen (they aren't really necessary except for name-dropping), and rename the book "Shadwell Rafferty and the Secret Alliance", you avoid the inevitable comparison to Conan Doyle, and have yourself a very good historical murder-mystery.  This story rates 8* without Holmes, but only 4* with him.  That averages out to 6 Stars, so we'll go with that.