Razzmatazz - Christopher Moore

   2022; 390 pages.  Book 2 (out of 2) in the series “The Tales of Sammy Two-Toes”.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Pulp Fiction; American Historical Fiction; Fantasy; Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    It’s 1947 in San Francisco and folks in Chinatown are on edge.  Two women in the gay-club area have been killed, in separate attacks.  One was bludgeoned and dumped in the bay, the other was offed via an ice pick to the head.

 

    The San Francisco Police Department is of little or no help; they’re more interested in discouraging their fine citizens from frequently these disreputable clubs.  If murders are occurring at those places, well, just stay away.

 

    So a bartender there, Sammy “Two Toes” Tiffin, takes it upon himself to investigate the slayings, even though he doesn’t know the first thing about being a detective.  But one of his customers, an alcoholic geezer nicknamed Fitz, is an ex-cop, and Sammy is counting on getting some sage advice from him.

 

    And happily, the Chinese dragon that resides in Sammy’s head has also volunteered to help.

 

What’s To Like...

    Razzmatazz is the sequel to Christopher Moore’s 2020 novel Noir.  I wasn’t aware it was part of a series, and I haven’t read the first book.  Based on the above intro, you’d think this means Razzmatazz will be a murder-mystery, and it is, but having a dragon and an extraterrestrial as supporting characters introduces fantasy and mythological slants to the tale.  Then throw in lots of the author’s trademark wacky humor, and you end up with what for me read like a fine piece of pulp fiction.

 

    The book is written in both the first-person POV (usually Sammy’s, but occasionally the dragon’s or a friend of Sammy’s named Stilton), and the third-person (mostly the narrator, but at times other characters).  This switching around of the viewpoint might sound like it'd make things confusing, but it works smoothly.

 

    There are secondary plot threads that keep things moving at a brisk pace.  The dragon wants a statue retrieved, a maroon Packard keeps showing up, and no one knows what happened to the former police chief, but they're pretty sure Sammy had something to do with it. The setting is the greater San Francisco area, and takes place in two times – the “present-day” 1947, and the “flashback” 1906.  Yes, that’s the year the earthquake hit.  I liked the “feel” of the Bay Area depicted in those two eras, especially the focus given to how the Chinese and the gay sectors fared.

 

    I enjoyed the smattering of Chinese vocabulary woven into the story, including gwai-lo and jook.  I was bummed that I didn’t recall them from when I took Mandarin in college, but it turns out Cantonese expressions are used here.  The Chinese transliterations of place names was also neat; among them were: The Glorious Location of Various Weeds, Flowery Arbor Mountain Booth, and Tall House of Happy Snake and Noodle.

 

    Be sure to read the author’s Trigger Warning at the beginning of the book, as well as his Afterword at the book’s end, the latter being where Christopher Moore tells what led him to insert into the story a visit by 30 hookers to a place called The Sonoma Hospital for Feeble Minded Children for a Christmas celebration.  Moore also reveals which details in the book are factual and which he made up.  The police-enforced “Three Article Rule” was hilarious to me until I found out it was real.  Wiki it.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Jamoke (n., slang) : an ordinary, unimpressive, or inept person.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 1,310 ratings and 82 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.11*/5, based on 3,526 ratings and 484 reviews.

 

Things That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t…

    “Flapjacks and willies, slam ‘em in the screen door!”

 

Excerpts...

    “He lost his statue forty-one years ago and all of a sudden it’s worth two grand to get it back?”

    “No.  Getting his business back is worth two grand.  The dragon is for another guy, the Squid Kid.”

    “Moo Shoes, do not try to run that phonus bolognus inscrutable Eastern mystic game on me.  You are highly scrutable.  I can scrute both you mugs five out of six days a week.”  (loc. 843)

 

    “Sit,” said the big guy.  “Wait.”

    So we sat.  We waited.  A half hour went by.  An hour.  We saw not a soul.

    “Were we supposed to take a number?” Moo asked.

    I peeked into the other rooms.  No one.  I said, “A guy who used to come in the bar told me once that if you go in someplace and they don’t pay any attention to you, then start stealing stuff.  They’ll either start paying attention or you’ll have something for your time.”

    “Wise.  What business was that guy in?”

    “Thief, I think.”  (loc. 4102)

 

Kindle Details…

    Razzmatazz presently costs $14.99 at Amazon.  The other book in the series, Noir, will run you $14.49.  Christopher Moore has about 15 other e-books to offer, most of them in the price range of $10.99-$14.99.

 

“That broad could hear an ant fart in a hurricane.”  (loc. 1627)

    I’ve been a Christopher Moore fan for decades, so finding things to gripe about in Razzmatazz is difficult.  If you’re new to his works, be aware that an abundance of cusswords is the norm for him.  Here, I noted 35 of them in the first 10% of the text, more than half of which were f-bombs.  There were also a couple of rolls-in-the-hay and one of the characters is obsessed with carrying out a rather extreme form of birth control.

 

    Also, it must be said that this is not a whodunit.  Yes, Sammy does eventually suss out who’s killing the gays, but this comes in the last chapter as a “great reveal”, and is not due to dogged sleuthing.

 

    Some reviewers were disappointed that Razzmatazz was not up to the level of zaniness found in earlier Christopher Moore efforts.  They have a point, but I think a pulp fiction novel is inherently darker and less snarky than a humorous satire, and personally, I was impressed that Moore could switch so seamlessly to a new genre.

 

    Overall, Razzmatazz was both an enlightening and entertaining read for me, shining the spotlight upon a time and place that I’m not all that familiar with.  So if you’re looking for “Moore of the same” (pun intended) type of humor this author is renowned for, you might give this book a pass.  But if you want to see him expanding his literary horizons, which shows just how skilled of a writer he is, you’ll find a pleasant surprise.

 

    8½ Stars.  One closing teaser.  Uncle Ho can talk to, and listen to, animals.  Particularly to pigs and rats, whose advice can be quite useful.  He can also hear what dragons have to say, a talent which just might get him killed.  I love stories with talking animals.

Fool - Christopher Moore

   2009; 305 pages.  Book 1 (out of 3) in the “Fool” series.  Full Title: Fool: A Novel.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Dark Comedy; Shakespearean Spoofery; Humor.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Could there be anyone in the world more foolish than a king’s Royal Fool?  He even has to dress the part with that silly hat with little tinkle bells attached (it’s called a coxcomb) and carry around a jester’s scepter, a miniature mockery of the King’s royal wand, with a silly image of himself at the top.

 

    Welcome to Pocket’s world, and as far as he’s concerned that’s not a bad life.  He lives in the royal palace, is usually in the company of King Lear himself, is responsible for keeping everyone amused, and is allowed to make snarky gibes about any and all those around him.

 

    Admittedly, the job is risky.  Heap enough insults on some visiting noble, and the Fool runs the danger of being stabbed in a hallway or poisoned at a meal.  And of course, if the king finds your remarks slanderous instead of witty, your only choice may be decapitation or the hangman's noose.

 

    But Pocket is nobody’s fool (well yes, he is, the King’s, but bear with me), and nobody in the royal court views him as a threat.  Glib speech and persuasive reasoning will keep him out of trouble most of the time, and when it doesn’t, he can always play one highborn simpleton against another.

 

    As long as Pocket sticks to that strategy, there’s no telling what he can get away with.

 

What’s To Like...

    Fool is the opening book in Christopher Moore’s trilogy retelling the plays of Shakespeare, in this case being a satire of the bard's King Lear, and although I was forced to read a half-dozen or so of Shakespeare’s plays in high school, this wasn’t one of them.  I *thought* somebody got stabbed behind an arras and someone else threw themselves in a river and drowned in King Lear, but it turns out that was Hamlet.

 

    Thanks to Wikipedia, I can say that events in Fool follow the bard’s script fairly closely, even to the point of the Royal Fool being an important companion of King Lear.  But Christopher Moore tells to tale from Pocket’s point of view, adds a slew of new plot tangents, and rewrites the ending.  He also adds scenes, quotes, and characters from other Shakespearean plays, including my favorite trio: the three witches in Macbeth.  “Double double, toil and trouble”, and all that.

 

    The text contains both old English words and some modern Britishisms, but fear not, there are easy-to-use footnotes to enlighten you about these, bubbling over with Moore’s wit, and not to be skipped.  It is advisable to bookmark the “Cast of Characters” section at the very beginning; I referred to it a lot.

 

    The tale is told in the first-person POV – Pocket’s, of course.  The chapters are of moderate length: 25 of them covering 305 pages, for an average of about 12 pages per chapter, and grouped into five acts (same number as Shakespeare’s play had), plus a short Intermission.  I liked the nod to Druidism early in the book, and chuckled at the mention of the well-known Dr. Seuss children’s book, Green Eggs and Hamlet, with its famous soliloquy quote: “Green eggs, or not green eggs!”

 

    The ending is decent and logical, and similar to the way a Shakespearean tragedy finishes, albeit not particularly exciting or twisty, but that’s okay.  Everyone gets their just desserts (or “deserts”, let’s not argue the point), which for many of the characters means they die. The final act serves as an Epilogue, giving “whatever happened to” ends to various plot threads.  I’ve already read the sequel to this, The Serpent of Venice (reviewed here), and have the most recent (final?) book in the series, Shakespeare for Squirrels, waiting for me on my Kindle.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Boffnacity (n., made-up) : an expression of shagnatiousness (from the Latin “boffusnatious”).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 871 ratings.

    Goodreads: 3.96*/5, based on 52,606 ratings and 3,616 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “Pocket, you have traveled the land, tell me, what is it like to be a peasant?”

    “Well, milady, I’ve never been a peasant, strictly speaking, but for the most part, I’m told it’s wake early, work hard, suffer hunger, catch the plague, and die.  Then get up the next morning and do it all again.”

    “Every day?”

    “Well, if you’re a Christian – on Sunday you get up early, go to church, suffer hunger until you have a big meal of barley and swill, then catch the plague and die.”  (loc. 1416)

 

    “Here to be murdered then, are you?”

    “Not immediately.  Uh, Edmund, if you don’t mind my saying, you’re being offputtingly pleasant today.”

    “Thank you.  I’ve adopted a strategy of pleasantness.  It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer.”  Edmund leaned over the desk now, as if to take me into his most intimate confidence.  “It seems a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.”

    “So you’re being pleasant?”

    “Yes.”  (loc. 2545)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, Fool costs $9.99 at Amazon.  The other two books in the series go for $7.49 (The Serpent of Venice) and $11.99 (Shakespeare for Squirrels).  Christopher Moore has about 15 other e-books to offer, most of which I’ve read; they’re priced in the range of $5.99-$13.99.

 

 

“My people burn a virgin every autumn – one can’t be too careful.”  (loc. 1265 )

    There’s not much to quibble about in Fool, although if you’re looking for a YA book suitable for little Tommy or Susie, this isn’t it.  Cusswords abound, particularly the F-bomb in all its varied usages.  There’s a rape, and a fair amount of violence, including a pair of eyes getting plucked out.  Although to be fair, that eye-gouging is also in Shakespeare’s version.

    Then there are the references to sex, oodles of them, although in most cases it is described in tasteful terms, and precisely what you’d expect from a court jester.  That seemed to be the number one complaint in the one-star reviews.  

    Last, and least, there were more typos than I’d expect in a book put out by a major publishing house (HarperCollins).  “Parsely” instead of “parsley”, “free lance” instead of “freelance”, and so forth.  It wasn’t excessive, but still, what do those professional editors get paid for?

 

    That’s about it.  In summary, if you’re looking for a well-written novel with interesting characters, an abundance of wit, no slow spots, and an adult target audience, any Christopher Moore novel is a great choice.  And if you’re in the mood for something with a Shakespearean twist, Fool is perfect for you.

 

    9 Stars.  One last note: there's a section at the end titled “You Cheeky Git – An Author’s Note”, wherein the author gives you some background to both Fool and King Lear.  The latter, it turns out, is based on a mostly-mythical figure in English history named King Leir, who, if he has any historical basis at all, lived around 400 BC.  Hats off to Shakespeare for plucking him out of the myths and plopping him into a medieval setting, and to Christopher Moore for spoofing him.

Island of the Sequined Love Nun - Christopher Moore

   1997; 325 pages.  New Author? : No, but it’s been a couple years.  Genre : Contemporary Humor; Satire.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    For Tucker “Tuck” Case, life has just become monumentally unfair.  He’s a pilot by trade, and because of one teensy-weensy unplanned landing, his flying license has been revoked.

    Of course, “unplanned landing” is just a euphemism for crashing a plane.  And the fact that there was a hooker in the plane at the time complicates matters.  Ditto for her being in the cockpit.  In the pilot’s seat.  In which he was also sitting.  They call it being initiated into the “Mile High Club”.

    It’s also some very bad publicity for his employer, Mary Jean Cosmetics, since the jet had a very distinctive color – shocking pink.  And it doesn’t help that the hooker was injured in the crash, and plans to sue both Tucker and Mary Jean Cosmetics.

    So now, the only thing that Tuck can fly is a kite.  There goes his livelihood.  There goes his income.  Therefore, it was quite the pleasant surprise when some missionary on some island way over in Micronesia contacts him with a job offer – to fly the missionary’s Lear Jet, which is a slightly newer and bigger model than the one he’s been piloting for Mary Jean Cosmetics.  There’s just one thing that’s bothering Tuck.

    What’s a missionary on a far-flung South Seas island doing with a Lear Jet?

What’s To Like...

    Island of the Sequined Love Nun is a relatively early Christopher Moore novel (#4 out of a total of 16 if my counting was correct), and contains the usual abundance of the author’s wit, sarcasm, and dry humor.  I’ve read ten CM books over the years, and have yet to be disappointed.

    The story is divided into three sections.  Part One, “The Phoenix” (pg. 1), details Tuck’s misadventures in trying to get from the Houston to Alualu.  Part Two, “Island of the Shark People” (pg. 87), sees him finally arriving there, and trying to figure out what the heck is going on.  Part Three, “Coconut Angel” (pg. 193), can be best described in three words: “Revolution and Resolution”.

    Christopher Moore dreams up a bunch of fascinating characters for you to rub shoulders with.  Tuck is wonderfully anti-heroic, and must contend with evil doings that pick at his moral fiber.  The good guys and the baddies all come in various shades of gray.  You’ll warm quickly to Roberto, and Vincent is just out-of-this world.  I liked the depiction of Cargo Cults (does anyone remember “The Gods Must Be Crazy”), and the whole concept of running a sham religious cult was eerily true-to-life.

    There are 68 chapters to cover the 322 pages, plus a map of the small island of Alualu at the beginning.  There’s also an “Afterword and Acknowledgements” section at the end, in which the author separates true facts from fiction, which surprised me for this type of novel.  There’s a bunch of cussing and oodles of sex;  those with prudish tastes should know by now to avoid any and all Christopher Moore tales.

    IofSLN is a standalone novel and AFAIK none of the characters pop up in other Christopher Moore  books.  It may not be as well-known as Fluke, Lamb, and Moore’s vampire novels, but it kept me entertained and chuckling throughout.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Mook (n.; slang) : a stupid or incompetent person.  (a Yankeeism)

Excerpts...

    “Shark People no have boat.  They no leave island.”

    “No boats?”  Pardee was amazed.  Living in these islands without a boat was akin to living in Los Angeles without a car.  It wasn’t done; it couldn’t be done.

    The mate patted Pardee’s big shoulder.  “You be fine.  I have mask and fins for you.”

    “What about sharks?”

    “Sharks afraid around there.  On most island people afraid of shark.  On Alualu shark afraid of people.”

    “You’re sure about that?”

    “No.”  (pg. 144)

    When Tuck was still reckoning, he reckoned that they were traveling at an average speed of five knots.  At five knots, twenty-four hours a day, for fourteen days, he reckoned that they had traveled well over two thousand miles.  Tuck reckoned that they were now sailing through downtown Sacramento.  His reckoning wasn’t any better than his navigation.  (pg. 284)

 Leading a religion is tough work when your gods start stirring for real and messing up your prophecies.  (pg. 224)

    For a while I thought I was going to quibble about having to wait almost 100 pages before Tuck makes it to the Island of the Sequined Love Nun, but the plot thread travels full circle, and I should’ve known better than to doubt Christopher Moore’s ability to fashion a well-constructed storyline.

    The ending was good, but not particularly twisty, and I found it easy to predict how things would turn out..  Still, one reads a Christopher Moore novel first and foremost for the clever dialogue and the farcical goings-on; plotlines are secondary.  And the Epilogue is simply fantastic, so I really can’t complain.

    Island of the Sequined Love Nun is a fine effort by Christopher Moore, although if you’ve read his later and more-famous novels, you can also see how he honed his writing skills over the course of his career.

    8 Stars.  Subtract 1 star if you didn’t like his novels Fluke, Lamb, Bite Me, You Suck, etc.  If those didn’t float your boat, this one won’t either.

Secondhand Souls - Christopher Moore

   2015; 336 pages.  Full Title : Secondhand Souls – A Novel.  Sequel to A Dirty Job (2006).   New Author? : No.  Genre : Contemporary Fiction; Dark Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    Charlie Asher misses his seven-year-old daughter, Sophie.  That’s understandable, since Charlie’s dead.  But he’s not really gone; his soul – including his consciousness – has been transferred into a different body.

    Well, not a regular body.  Charlie Asher now stands knee-high, and has the head of a crocodile and the feet of a duck.  He wears a purple satin wizard’s robe under which is slung his ten-inch schlong.  So he’d just as soon avoid a face-to-face encounter with his daughter.

    But now that Sophie is greeting people on the telephone with “I am become Death, destroyer of worlds!”, and Charlie realizes there’s only one thing to do.  Well, two, actually.  Find someone who can transfer his soul into another body.  And then find someone who’s willing to let him have use of theirs.

What’s To Like...

    It took Christopher Moore nine years to pen the follow-up to his most excellent 2006 novel, A Dirty Job, but it was worth the wait.  Secondhand Souls catches you up on a lot of the characters from ADJ, both good and evil.  Rivera and Cavuto are back, so is the Emperor of San Francisco and his canine cohorts, Bummer and Lazarus.  Aunt Jane and Aunt Cassie are caring for Sophie while Charlie deals with his identity crisis, Minty Green is back, and even the nasty but laughable/likable Morrigan return.  But there are new characters as well – a guy who paints the Golden Gate bridge, several ghosts and meat puppets, and a banshee with a penchant for stun guns.

    As usual, Christopher Moore spins all sorts of threads at you (I counted six of them here), then steadily builds the literary tension before tying everything up neatly at the end.  There’s even a short “whatever happened to” epilogue.  Moore has lost none of his edginess, wit, and storytelling abilities.

    There’s a nice assortment of beasties to confront you, and a little bit of romance for the female readership.  One or two good guys die along the way; I like when that happens.  The pace is crisp, and there are a couple of plot twists along the way to keep you on your toes.  There are even some music references and some French thrown in; those are always a plus for me.  There is some cussing and adult situations; if you don’t know that about Christopher Moore’s writing, this is probably the first time you've read one of his books.

Kewlest New Word…

Doofuscocity (n.) : its meaning is obvious, and it’s a made-up word.  But I think it’s freakin’ great.

Excerpts...

    “That’s why I called.  You help me find a body, then I help you fix whatever the banshee is warning us about.”

    “Like a corpse-type body?”

    “Not exactly.  Someone who is going to be a corpse, but before they become a corpse.”

    “Doesn’t that describe everybody?”  (loc. 590)

    The big V-8 rumbled and the four chrome ports down each side of the hood blinked as if startled out of a nap, then opened to draw more air into the infernal engine.  The tail of the Buick dipped and the grinning chrome mouth of the grille gulped desert air like a whale shark sucking down krill.  Far below the crusty strata, long-dead dinosaurs wept for the liquid remains of their brethren consumed by the creamy, jaundiced leviathan.  (loc. 1873)

Kindle Details...

    Secondhand Souls sells for  $9.99 at Amazon right now, which is about right for a new release by a top-tier author.  The rest of the Christopher Moore e-books are in the $9.99 and $11. 99 price range.

 “I commiserate.  I can go from zero to comiserable at the speed of dark.”  (loc. 443)

    Secondhand Souls is a standalone novel, but just barely.  You can forget a lot of details when there is a nine year gap between books in a series.  I read A Dirty Job six years ago  (the review is here), and I had only a hazy recollection of what went down in it.  Moore recognizes this, and works the backstory in in piecemeal fashion, but it felt clunky at times.

    To boot, once you get back up to speed in the series’ storyline, you realize there’s a lot of repeat here.  The foes are more-or-less the same : Morrigan and the Ultimate Evil against Charlie and Sophie; and the fate of the world once again hangs in a San Francisco setting.

    But these are minor quibbles.  This is still an enjoyable story, and maybe the long waiting time makes the repeated things seem fresh.  Also, there are those who might not mind a Bay Area rematch between the forces of Light and Darkness.

    8½ Stars.  With all the threads tied up so well, there is not a lot of room for a third book in the series.  But I would’ve said that after the first book as well.

Bite Me - Christopher Moore

   2011; 309 pages.  Full Title: Bite Me: A Love Story.  New Author? : Goodness, no.  Genre : Vampire Spoof; Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    Someone – or something – has been cleaning up the nighttime streets of San Francisco lately.  At least in the rougher, shadier parts of the city.  The daytime folks haven’t noticed it because mostly we’re talking about the junkies, hookers, winos, and the homeless; who only emerge after the sun goes down.

    But for the cops who patrol the streets during the dark hours, such as Inspectors Rivera and Cavuto, the absence of the usual denizens of the dark is glaringly obvious.  Even more so when one of their own – a parking-ticket policewoman – disappears while on duty, leaving the Emperor of San Francisco and his two trusty canine minions yabbering about a lethal mist and a badly-dressed miniature ninja.

    Oh yeah, one other thing that’s disappeared: cats.   Of all kinds.  Street cats, stray cats, tomcats, feral cats.  But who would want all these urban felines?  And why?  And how did he catch them?

What’s To Like...

    Bite Me is the third book in Christopher Moore’s Vampire series; the first two being You Suck (reviewed here) and Bloodsucking Fiends (reviewed here).  If you haven’t read those stories, or, if you have but it’s been a while, don’t worry.  There's a sparse-but-adequate backstory over the first 18 pages, culminating with a pop quiz (so take notes), which is way kewl.

    All the old characters are back, along with some new ones.  I find it amazing how Moore sculpts each one – both primary and secondary characters – into discrete and fascinating beings, even down to the dogs and cats.  The sub-chapters are (almost) all given character names, which clues you in as to whose POV will be used.  The book is told mostly in the 3^rd person, but there are also some 1^st person chapters, thanks to one of the characters keeping a blog.

    As always, Christopher Moore’s wit, humor and zaniness take center stage here.  The writing is simply masterful.  There’s plenty of action, a wee bit of Romance (well, the "full" title should’ve been your clue), and some ancient vampires you really don’t want to mess with.  But Moore also weaves some serious tones into the story.  The character study of Katusumi Okata is really well done.

    You learn some great new acronyms – BMLWA, FOAKES, OMFGZORRO, KTHXBYE, L8Z, etc.  I particularly liked meeting/following the Emperor, Lazarus & Bummer, Kona, Okata, Marvin the Cadaver Dog, and Chet the Shaved Vampyre Cat.  Plus The Animals, who are my kind of freaks.

    This is a standalone book, with all the threads getting tied up neatly.  There are losses suffered by both the baddies and the good guys.  The “big picture” three-book storyline is completed, but some baddies get away, so a Book 4 is not out of the question.

Excerpts...

    What bothered Foo was not that Jared had on girl’s boots, but that he had on the boots of a girl with distinctly small feet.

   “Don’t those hurt?”

    Jared tossed his hair out of his eyes.  “Well, it’s like Morrissey said, ‘Life is suffering.’”

    “I think the Buddha said that.”

    “I’m pretty sure Morrissey said it first – like, back in the eighties.”  (pg. 62)

    “I need the words, Jody.  It’s who I am.”

    “I know.”

    “I’m not a vampire.  I’m a writer.  I want to use gelatinous in a sentence.  And not just once, but over and over.  On the roof, under the moon, in an elevator, on a washing machine, and when I’m exhausted, I want to lay in my own gelatinous sweat and use gelatinous in a sentence until I pass out.”

    Jody said, “I don’t think gelatinous means what you think it means.”  (pg. 301)

“Pelekona called Cap’n Kona, pirate of the briny science, lion of Zion, and dreadie to deadies of the first order, don’t you know.”  (pg. 240 )

    My only quibble with Bite Me – and this is minor – is that the book’s storyline is very straightforward.  Vampires get loose; heroes give chase; vampires get their comeuppance; the end.  Of course, it’s an utter delight to read how Moore gets us from A to Z, but still, I don’t recall being surprised by any plot twists along the way.

    But let's be clear: I am a Christopher Moore maniac.  He’s had 15 of his books published, and I’ve read 9 of them.  Two more are on my TBR shelf, and the other four, including his latest, Secondhand Souls, are all carried by my local digital library.  You simply can’t go wrong by reading any of his novels.

    8½ Stars.  Subtract 2 Stars if you thought the Twilight series was just absolutely the best set of vampire stories evah.

The Serpent of Venice - Christopher Moore

   2014; 326 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Humor; Spoofery.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Start by blending Edgar Allan Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado with two of Shakespeare’s plays, Othello and The Merchant of Venice.  Keep the story set (primarily) in Venice, but move the time back 300 years to the 1300’s. 

    Add one court jester, and his entourage of a monkey, a village idiot, and a dummy.  The latter two are not synonymous.  Top off with a sea serpent; after all, there’s one in the title.  Let simmer for a year or so in Christopher Moore’s fertile and demented brain.  And voila!  You have The Serpent of Venice.

    Oh yeah.  Garnish with a ghost.  There’s always a bloody ghost.

What’s To Like...

    There’s a Cast of Characters at the front of the book; this came in handy since of the three literary classics being blended here, I’ve only read The Merchant of Venice.  The “mixing” is not complete – The Cask of Amontillado dominates the opening chapters; then Othello, then TMoV.  Christopher Moore stays pretty true to the basic premise of each literary classic, but resolves each one in his own, and quite entertaining, way.

    I liked the characters, especially those that weren’t “lifted” from the three classics.  Pocket, our main protagonist, is a hoot, as are Jeff and Drool.  You’ll love the “Chorus” and their interaction with the characters.  There are occasional footnotes, which are as fun as the ones in Discworld.  And Immurement shows up again, courtesy of the Poe tale.  After a lifetime of never encountering it in my readings, it’s now crossed my path twice in a month.  The other October book with Immurement in it is reviewed here.

    Christopher Moore’s wit and writing mastery once again take center stage, and he is still in top-notch form here.  However, there is abundant use of cusswords, and quite a few sexual references.  I don’t remember his previous books being this full of R-rated stuff, but I’m way behind on reading his works, and perhaps his writing has evolved in this direction over the last 5 years or so.

    For all the humor, the book also touches on some serious issues – most notably racism and anti-Semitism.  But as Moore points out in a worth-your-while Afterword, this is primarily because those topics played prominent roles in the two Shakespearean plays.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Berk (n.) : a fool.  A Britishism derived from the cockney rhyming scheme “Berkshire hunt”.  I’ll let you figure out what it means in Cockney.

Others : Chundered (v.); Walleys (n.).  I never did figure out what “walleys” were.

Excerpts...

    “Morning, love,” said my Cordelia.

    She wore the polished black-and-gold breastplate of her armor with frilly knickers, which tipped me off that all was not in order.

    “Are you a dream, or a ghost?” said I, reaching out to her, then catching myself before tumbling off the bed.

    “Which would better suit you?”

    “Dream, I think.  Less annoying rhyming.”

    “But then, there’s always a bloody ghost.”  (pg. 140)

    I nodded, then approached the sentry.  “Beggin’ pardon, yeoman, would you happen to know if there’s an enormous simpleton with a monkey being held in here?”

    “Might be, what’s it to you?”

    “Well, the nitwit is this poor boy’s father, and we’re hoping to bring him home.”

    “What’s the monkey, his little brover?”

    “Half.  We’re a poor family, and – “  (pg. 197)

 “Cry havoc, and let slip the trousers of most outrageous bonkilation1”  (pg. 23)

    To be honest, the first part of The Serpent of Venice dragged a bit for me.  In all fairness, Moore had a slew of characters to introduce and a setting to establish.  But it was a challenge to find the plotline in all the tomfoolery.

    This was undoubtedly due in part to my not having ever read The Cask of Amontillado and Othello. Moore adheres to their storylines rather faithfully, but that was lost on me, at least until The Merchant of Venice took over.  However, once all the world-building was done, the Moore's innovative tale took center stage, and I warmed rapidly to this book.

    The persistent use of cusswords and sexual innuendos got old.  I wasn’t offended, just bored by the repetition.  Yet who knows, if William Shakespeare was alive today, maybe he’d be writing in this style.  Edgar Allan Poe most certainly would.  His style was cutting edge in the 1800’s; there’s no reason he’d be a mainstream author today.

    8 Stars.  Add ½ star for each of the three classics employed here that you have read and/or been forced to memorize passages from.  Parts like “the quality of mercy is not strained…” and “if you prick us, do we not bleed…”.  Reading this brought back some old memories of high school English class for me.  Not necessarily fond ones; just old.

Fluke - Christopher Moore

    2003; 311 pages.  New Author? : No.  Full Title : Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings.  Genre : Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    Nate Quinn and Clay Demodocus are marine biologists stationed in Hawaii.  Their scientific niche is studying the “songs” of the great whales.  It’s tedious work – go out on a boat, drop a microphone in the ocean, film the whale if possible, record the data, and take it home and look for patterns.  For years it has looked like nothing but randomness.  But lately, Nate’s been feeling like he’s getting close to seeing something.

    Of course, he wasn’t expecting the pattern to be the phrase “Bite Me!” on the tail fin of a whale.  (See book cover).

What’s To Like...
    It’s Christopher Moore, so there’s wit aplenty.  But Fluke also has a serious message woven into the storyline.  Moore doesn’t get preachy, but he does want the reader to understand we’re driving a species of animals to extinction that arguably may be equal to us in intelligence.

    Not to worry, though – the humor predominates.  From their assistant, Kona – a Rastafarian, surfer-dude, white-boy from New Jersey, to the “old broad” who claims she receives messages from the whales (by telephone sometimes), you’ll have your share of LOL moments.

    There are lots of plot twists.  Moore keeps you guessing as to where he’s going with the storyline.  You won’t be able to anticipate it, so just read along for the ride.  There is some romance, but it’s balanced out by a slew of whale sphincter one-liners, a bit of cussing and a decapitation.

    To me, the ending could’ve been stronger.  The tension builds through the middle of the book, only to lead to a less-than-exciting finish.  But I pick at nits.

Excerpts...
    “I have vodka and a shower in my cabin,” she said.
    “I have a shower in my cabin, too,” Nate said.
    Libby just shook her head and trudged up the path to the lodge.  Over her shoulder she called, “In five minutes there’s going to be a naked woman in my shower.  You got one of those?”
    “Oh,” said Nate.  (pg. 51 )

    “Elizabeth!  You’re not listening to me.  This is not about the whales singing to you through the trees.  Nate is gone!”
    “Don’t you shout at me, Clay Demodocus.  I’m trying to comfort you.  And it wasn’t a song through the trees.  What do you think?  I’m just some crazy old woman?  The whale called on the phone.”  (pg. 125)

“Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”  (pg. 191)
    Christopher Moore includes a neat Afterword section, in which he details which parts of the story are fact and which are fiction.  It was intriguing to find out that, with all our computers and rational thought, we still don’t know why the great whales sing.  Which makes the author’s hypothesis as valid as any.  Maybe.

    This is not your typical 100%-zany Christopher Moore offering.  But it’s still a good read.  8½ Stars.  Add another half-star if you’re a whale-hugger.

Practical Demonkeeping - Christopher Moore

1993; 243 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Modern Lit; Humor.  Overall Ratng : 9*/10.

    Practical Demonkeeping is just like that old TV show, I Dream of Jeanie.  Except instead of a cute genie, you have an ugly, scaly, demon named Catch.  Who eats humans, but hey, a fella's gotta eat, right?  His "master" is a youthful-looking 100-year-old named Travis O'Hearn.  Who Catch sometimes obeys, and sometimes doesn't.

    Travis and Catch would both like to sever the relationship.  Which brings them to Pine Cove, a quiet, geezery California hamlet.  Bad luck for yooze, Pine Covians.

What's To Like...
This is Christopher Moore's debut novel, and his writing talent and sense of humor are immediately evident.  The pacing is good and the plethora of plotlines and characters are skillfully tied up at the end of the book.  The final resolution is a bit clichéd, but that feels appropriate here.  The laughs are abundant, and you will catch yourself chortling as you turn the pages.

Kewlest New Word...
Mingy : mean and stingy.

Excerpts...
    The Breeze could smoke all night, polish off a bottle of tequila, maintain well enough to drive the forty miles back to Pine Cove without arousing the suspicion of a single cop, and be on the beach by nine the next morning acting as if the term hangover were too abstract to be considered.  On Billy Winston's private list of personal heroes The Breeze ranked second only to David Bowie.  (pgs. 3-4)

    "Be quiet.  People are looking."
    "You're trying to be tricky.  What's morality?"
    "It's the difference between what is right and what you can rationalize."
    "Must be a human thing."
    "Exactly."  (pg. 73)

    Gian Hen Gian stepped forward and shook a knotted brown finger in Travis's face.  "Tell us where the Seal of Solomon is hidden or we will have your genitals in a nine-speed reverse action blender with a five-year guarantee before you can say shazam!"
    Brine raised an eyebrow toward the Djinn.  "You found the Sears catalog in the bathroom."
    The Djinn nodded.  "It is filled with many fine instruments of torture."  (pg. 185)

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.  (pg. 40)
    The worst I can say about Practical Demonkeeping is that I wish it was longer.  Christopher Moore immediately took care of that.  His next two books, Coyote Blue (1994) and Bloodsucking Fiends (1995), are 294 and 290 pages long, respectively.

    It can also be said that he got better as an author as he went along, although that's hardly something to hold against Practical Demonkeeping.

    All-in-all, this was a pleasant, light read that was over all too quickly.  But that's okay, cuz there are still three Christopher Moore books sitting on my TBR shelf.  9 Stars.