Grunts - Mary Gentle

1992; 480 pages. Genre : High Fantasy; Parody. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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Sing along now. "Orcs! HUNH! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing!"

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Well not quite. They're good for cannon-fodder in Good-vs.-Evil battles. A bunch of big, hybrid, stupid, mean-tempered hamburger meat for elves, dwarves, and other good guys to use for target practice. Exceedingly expendable. Expected to last for one battle only.

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But what if orcs got tired of all that? What if circumstances turned them into a squad of highly-trained US marines, with AK-47's, bazookas, stealth jets, and tanks? How would they then fare against the Forces of Light? That's what Mary Gentle examines in Grunts!

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What's To Like...

Grunts! takes a playful poke at all those epic fantasies we've read, enjoyed, and gotten tired of for having the same old plotline. There are elves and halflings, Aes Sedai, and secret "finger-talking" (from - I think - some David Eddings series that I now only vaguely recall). There's a dragon to be slain, mages with spells, and even a Balrog and a Gandalf knock-off.

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But things aren't as usual. The elves are bigoted; the orcs are tired of gettng killed; and the halflings are positively nasty. The Evil Lord wants to win - but via the electoral process.

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To me, Grunts! had the feel like a well-run D&D quest or a Warhammer campaign. There was lots of action, a goodly amount of humor, and enough twists to keep you wondering which sacred cow Ms. Gentle would slay next. But keep in mind that war in general, and orcs in particular, are brutal and merciless. The language is coarse, and the violence is profuse and graphic. This is not a book for the kiddies.

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Excerpts...

The orc encampment steamed gently in the sunshine.

Barashkukor, leaning scabby elbows on the parapet of the Nin-Edin fort, gazed down from the mountainside at a wilderness only the vultures could love. He tilted his dented helmet back on his head. "So what do you get if you cut the legs off a warrior?"

Marukka gave a baritone chuckle, waving her jagged sword in the air for emphasis. "A low-down bum!" (pg. 16)

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"You don't like elves, do you, orc - I mean, gunnery Sergeant?"

"Me?" The orc grinned and shrugged, massive shoulders rising almost to her pricked ears. "Man, I just love elf! You can't beat roast and basted elf-haunch. Unless it's breast-of-elf with chilli peppers." (pg. 243)

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The Dark Lord surveyed the benches to left and right of the Throne. Her delicate profile turned to Ashnak. "Shall I preside well, do you think, little orc? This power has been so long in the achieving, I think I have forgotten what it was I would do with it."

"Buck up, Ma'am!" Ashnak removed his forage cap, coming solidly to attention. "You just do what every other Ruler of the World's done and You'll be all right - reward a few, hang a few, and tax everything that moves." (pgs. 448-449)

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A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to stay out of a firefight. (pg. 322)

My impression is that this was not a serious literary effort by Mary Gentle. The plot is a tad disjointed - the orc-transformation is glossed over, and a human from our dimension gets sucked into the story for little discernible reason. A little bit of re-write might've tightenend things up considerably.

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But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy Grunts! It entertained me throughout, as the Ash series is likewise doing. It is not for the prudish or those who deem Tolkien to be sacrosanct. But if you loved those "off-beat" D&D quests, or just want to see the Orcs come out on the winning side for once, Grunts! is for you. 7½ Stars.

Grendel - John Gardner

1971; 174 pages. New Author? : Yes. Genre : Contemporary Fiction. Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

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This is John Gardner's retelling of the classic epic, Beowulf; save that this time, it is told from the Beast's POV. The author assumes you're familiar with the story; if you aren't, here's the link to Wiki article on it.

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What's To Like...

This is a meticulously structured novel. Each chapter has a different motif. Indeed, according to Wiki's article on the book here, each chapter corresponds to a different house of the Zodiac. Grendel ponders a lot of different "isms" - nihilism, existentialism, solipsism, fatalism. It's fun to see how Gardner weaves all of these into the story.

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Although the story is told from Grendel's POV, Gardner doesn't try to rehabilitate him. Grendel is still a monster, and his thoughts and deeds are often monstrous. It's neat to see how he rationalizes his actions. But keep in mind that the book therefore has some violence, adult situations, and coarse language.

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My favorite parts of the book were two extended conversations Grendel has. The first is with the Dragon; the second with a blind priest. There also is a subtle flow of humor throughout the book, which nevertheless blends nicely with the beastly goings-on.

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Alas, while the philosophizing is cool, the story-telling is not. There's no suspense, since you already know the ending; and Beowulf doesn't show up until there's only 25 pages to go. The "ism"-musings seem to overwhlem the plotline, so those who need a tale to be told (and that would include me), may find this a dry read in places.

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Excerpts...

I understood that, finally and absolutely, I alone exist. All the rest, I saw, is merely what pushes me, or what I push againt, blindly - as blindly as all that is not myself pushes back. I create the whole universe blink by blink. (pg. 22; and a good example of how Gardner introduces an "ism")

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From now on I'd stay clear of them (the humans). It was one thing to eat one from time to time - that was only natural: kept them from overpopulating, maybe starving to death come winter - but it was another thing to scare them, give them heart attacks, fill their nights with nightmares, just for sport. (pg. 60-61)

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"The gods made this world for our joy!" the young priest squeals. The people listen to him dutifully, heads bowed. It does not impress them, one way or the other, that he's crazy. (pg. 138)

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I have eaten several priests. They sit on the stomach like duck eggs. (pg. 129)

Grendel is a lot like Wicked, but predates it. Maybe Greg Maguire read this, saw its shortcomings, and figured out how to improve the alternate-POV technique. Some reviewers say Grendel is a lot better the second or third time you read it, but life's too short to re-read books.

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So read it for the philosophical discourses, and not for the storyline. That way it's a good book, and you only have to go through it once. 5½ Stars.

Voyage to the Red Planet - Terry Bisson

1990; 236 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Sci-Fi; Sub-Genre : Space Opera. Overall Rating : 6½*/10.

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The book's title says it all - a hardy little troupe of spacefarers blast off on the good ship Mary Poppins, with the goal of becoming the first earthlings to set foot on Mars. But they aren't astronauts (NASA's been sold to the private commercial conglomerate, Chase-Gillette); they're going to Mars to shoot a movie.

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What's To Like...

Yet again, Terry Bisson creates a fascinating universe and lets you spend some time there. The USA has just come out of a major depression, and the government has had to sell most of its assets - including the National Parks Department, the US Navy, and NASA. In industry, mergers are the key to survival, and it makes for some strange-but-powerful bedfellows. There is a rumor that Disney-Gerber wants to buy the United Nations.

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There is a curious blend of "hard" and "soft" science-fiction here. On one hand, Bisson correctly accounts for time delays due to the huge distances in the solar system. A phone message takes 15 minutes to relay; and the crew of the Mary Poppins goes into hibernation to slow down the aging involved in a several-year trip to Mars.

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OTOH, Mars is made out to be a rather temperate planet, with enough oxygen in its atmosphere to allow our heroes to take off their space helmets for short periods of time. Uh-uh. I don't think so.

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The storyline is okay. Things don't go as planned (naturally); some amazing things are discovered on Mars; and there's even a "too many folks in the lifeboat" dilemma to be resolved.

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Excerpts...

"Kirov?" It was Markson again.

"She's, uh" - Kirov was shaking her head and waving her hands - "consulting with Ranger Johnson, the station chief," Jeffries said.

"Then Bass."

"He's consulting with them." Bass was shaking his head.

"Then Jeffries."

"Speaking, dammit."

"Good. You're just the man I wanted to talk to." (pg. 48)

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"I can't imagine what it was like in those days," Greetings said. "The government doing everything for you. Building streets, delivering mail; how did people develop any initiative at all? They must have been like robots."

"Wasn't all that bad," said Jeffries as he passed through on his way to the bridge. (pg. 107)

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Gravity is the enemy of every boy. (Ray Bradbury)

Voyage to the Red Planet has some weaknesses. The pacing is poor - more than half the book is done before we land on Mars; and there are some major loose ends left unresolved. This screams either for a sequel or a better editor.

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But those weaknesses are more than offset by the underlying humor, the neat cast of characters, and most of all, the fabulous world laid out for you. You don't read Bisson novels for their storylines; you read them for their settings.

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I enjoyed VTTRP, but if you've never read anything by Terry Bisson, this is probably not the book to start with. 6½ Stars.

Maskerade - Terry Pratchett

1995; 358 pages. Genre : Comedic Fantasy. #18 in the DiscWorld series. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Maskerade is Terry Pratchett's tribute to opera in general, and to Phantom of the Opera in particular. Agnes Nitt comes to the Ankh-Morpork Opera House to make her musical mark, armed with a rich, full voice and a poorer, fuller body.

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Alas, dead bodies are dropping all around the opera house like ...well... dead bodies. And there's a ghost wafting around, wearing a white mask. Could these things possibly be inter-connected? Hmmm.

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What's To Like...

The DiscWorld witches have starring roles here, and some feel they are Pratchett's strongest characters. The Librarian (ook!) also has a major presence. There's a one-eyed mongrel tomcat named Greebo, whom I had never met before. And because of the bodies, DEATH shows up a number of times.

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The humor is less yuk-yuks and more topical. I was left wondering what Pratchett's personal opinion of opera really is. He lampoons it a lot, but he's also well-versed on the subject. Maskerade is also a well-crafted whodunit, once again showing off Pratchett's versatility.

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Finally, there's a recurring philosophical question by which Granny Weatherwax evaluates a person's mental faculties : "If your house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd try to take out?" Think before you answer.

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Excerpts...

"Says here that Dame Timpani, who sings the part of Quizella, is a diva," said Nanny. "So I reckon this is like a part-time job, then. Prob'ly quite a good idea, on account of you'd have to be able to hold your breath. Good trainin' for the singin'." (pg. 147)

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The Ghost danced along the edge of the balcony, scattering hats and opera glasses. The audience watched in astonishment, and then began to clap. They couldn't quite see how it fitted into the plot of the opera - but this was an opera, after all. (pg. 273)

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You needed at least three witches for a coven. Two witches was just an argument. (pg. 13)

Although #18 in the series, this would be a good starting book for readers new to DiscWorld. Some reviewers feel Maskerade isn't funny enough, but it's probably hard to do a joke-a-minute when the main themes are serial killings, mystery, and opera. The storyline kept my attention, and I'm really not a fan of musicals at all.

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Overall then, Maskerade is a well-constructed and well-paced, and was sufficiently humorous for me. A solid effort by Terry Pratchett. 8 Stars.

Perdido Street Station - China Miéville

2000; 710 pages. Genre : Steampunk Horror. Laurels : 2001 Arthur C. Clarke Award; 2001 British Fantasy Award, just to name a few. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

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Welcome to New Crobuzon, a huge, dark, steampunk city-state that bears an eerie resemblance to a post-holocaust London. It hosts a variety of weird satient species, and is run by a semi-repressive government.

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Isaac Dan der Grimnebulin is a geeky tinkerer who is visited one day by a garuda. Garudas are birdmen, but this one has had his wings savagely ripped from him as punishment for an unspecified crime. His plea to Isaac : "Make me fly again."

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What's To Like...

Perdido Street Station is a dark, complex saga with three major plotlines; the main one of which doesn't get started until around page 200. They all get resolved, although not simultaneously, and perhaps not in the way you would anticipate.

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What really shines here, though, is the world (called "Bas-Lag") that Miéville convincingly paints. You can "see" the various species that inhabit Bas-Lag (and there are a bunch of them), and you can touch and taste the dark, the grit, and the grime of New Crobuzon.

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The individual characters are 3-D and lushly detailed. Miéville spins the horror tale with a deft touch. One of the plotlines is an inter-species love story. There is a sprinkling of dark humor, as well as a bit of Miéville's insightful social and political views.

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Excerpts...

Lin got half to her feet, her headlegs bristling with astonishment and terror. She gazed at him.

Scraps of skin and fur and feathers swung as he moved; tiny limbs clutched; eyes rolled from obscure niches; antlers and protusions of bone jutted precariously; feelers twitched and mouths glistened. Many-coloured skeins of skin collided. A cloven hoof thumped gently against the wood floor. Tides of flesh washed against each other in violent currents. Muscles tethered by alien tendons to alien bones worked together in uneasy truce, in slow, tense motion. Scales gleamed. Fins quivered. Wings fluttered brokenly. Insect claws folded and unfolded. (...)

Mr. Motley paced towards her like a hunter.

"So," he said, from one of the grinning human mouths. "Which do you think is my best side?" (pg. 42)

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I will hear the sounds of Perrick violining or the Gnurr Kett funeral dirge or a Chet stone-riddle, or I will smell the goat porridge they eat in Neovadan or see a doorway painted with the symbols of a Cobsea printer-captain... A long, long way from their homes. Homeless. Home. All around me will be New Crobuzon, seeping through my skin. (pg. 506)

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"I do not know where I will be, Grimnebulin. I shun this city. It hunts me." (pg. 50)

Perdido Street Station is not for everyone. The descriptiveness is superb, but often lengthy, and it sometimes overshadows the story itself. 700+ pages may be too long for some readers. You could probably cull a couple hundred pages from this novel and still tell the story. But then you'd miss the vividness and the detail, and IMHO, that would be a serious loss.
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In a world of copycat writers, China Miéville goes his own literary way. Perdido Street Station was my third Miéville book (see here and here for the other two), and I've enjoyed them all. 8½ Stars.

Inherit The Stars - James P. Hogan

1977; 216 pages. Book #1 in the "Giants" series. Genre : Science Fiction. New Author? : Yes. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Inherit The Stars is set 50 years in the future. We have space stations on the moon and Mars, and are just beginning to establish outposts on the moons of Jupiter.

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Imagine our surprise then, when the skeletal remains of an astronaut are found in a small cave on the moon. (See the cover to the left.) Imagine our further surprise when carbon-dating reveals the remains, nicknamed Charlie, are 50,000 years old.

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What's To Like...

ITS was James Hogan's debut novel, and is a fine example of his "hard" science fiction. That is - although he invents a few technological innovations such as (slightly) faster space travel and nucleonic weapons - you'll find neither Death Stars and Wookies, nor Transporters and Vulcan Mind Melds here.

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Instead, Hogan asks : What if we actually found a 50,000 year-old astronaut (albeit, dead) on the moon today? In our real world, how would it challenge our historical assumptions? How would we go about investigating the discovery? How would we develop a new anthropological theory to accommodate the find?

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There's an interesting relationship between the protagonist, Dr. Victor Hunt, and one Dr. Christian Danchekker, who comes up with a very different explanation for Charlie. The potential intellectual rivalry is swallowed up by the scientific discussions the two have, which causes both of them to modify their hypotheses. The result is a constantly-evolving "best fit" theory, spurred both by their dialogues and the always-growing scientific test results.

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Kewl New Words...

Graunch : to make a crunching or grinding sound. In this case, a door "graunched open".

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Excerpts...

Hunt had been born in New Cross, the shabby end of East London, south of the river. His father had spent most of his life on strike or in the pub on the corner of the street debating grievances worth going on strike for. When he ran out of money and grievances, he worked on the docks at Deptford. Victor's mother worked in a bottle factory all day to make the money she lost playing bingo all evening. (pg. 24)

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"There has to be some way of reconstructing what the surface used to look like."

"Did you ever try reconstructing a cow from a truckload of hamburger?" (pg. 100)

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"The Lunarians were the last word in progmatism - they had no time for romanticism, religion, matters of the spirit, or anything like that. In the situation they were in, the only people who could help them were themselves, and they knew it. They couldn't afford the luxury and the delusion of inventing gods, heroes, and Father Christmases to work their problems out for them." (pg. 171)

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And so, gentlemen, we inherit the stars. Let us go out, then, and claim our inheritance." (pg. 212).

James P. Hogan paints a convincing picture of our world 50 years in the future. In a way, Inherit The Stars reminds me of the movie 2001 - A Space Odyssey. There's not a lot of action, but you get a lot of things to think about and a realistic storyline.

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If science and technology aren't your cup of tea, you may find some slow spots in ITS. But I'm a chemist, and I found it to be fascinating from start to finish. 8 Stars.

Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way - Charles Bukowski

2003; 395 pages. Genre : Contemporary Poetry. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

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Sifting Through The Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way is a collection of poems by Charles Bukowski published posthumously. Buk died in 1994 and ANAICT, this is the 6th such compendium of his unpublished works to come out after he passed away. As such, my fear was that the pickings by now were getting rather slim.

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What's To Like...

I shouldn't've worried. There's lots of good stuff here, albeit along with some dross. And at $15 (new) for 400 pages, it was better-priced than most of the Bukowski poetry books I've seen.

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All of Bukowski's pet topics are present - his love for booze, the unfathomableness of women, the struggle to be a writer, his hatred for his father, and his passion for betting on the horses. Since a lot of these poems were penned in his last few years, old age and death are also repeating themes.

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But the plethora of poems also allows Bukowski to address other subjects. There is a fabulous piece on Classical Music, the Chinese poet Li Po shows up twice, and even Country Joe & The Fish makes an appearance.

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A lot of the poems are simply Bukowski's reflections on various incidents happening around him. A conversation at the next table in a restaurant, an actor stopping by to say hello, going to the movies as a kid (he preferred Buck Rogers to Ginger Rogers), the challenge of replacing his beloved manual typewriter with a word processor. Of course, we all have such experiences, but only a talented writer can make his anecdotes interesting to others.

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Excerpts...

my neighbor gives me the key to his house

when he goes on vacation.

I feed his cats

water his flowers and his

lawn.

I place his mail in a neat stack

on his dining room table.

am I the same man who planned to

blow up the city of Los Angeles

15 years ago? (pg. 32)

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I took another bus to New Orleans.

I had a portable typewriter with me.

that's all that I needed

to prove I was a genius.

that, and another

35 years. (pg. 233)

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we must be patient with the gods.

they like to have fun,

they like to play with us.

they like to test us.

they like to tell us that we are weak

and stupid, that we are

finished.

the gods need to be amused.

we are their toys. (pg. 390)

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November creeps in on all fours like a leper. (pg. 330)

I prefer Bukowski's poetry to his short stories and his quasi-autobiographical novels. The former are too lewd (although it has to be remembered they were written for sex magazines). And although Ham On Rye is excellent, Women and Factotum were quite meh. It's in his prose that Bukowski's creativity and keen insight emerge. Lucky for me, that's the genre that the bulk of his books are. 7 Stars.

Hammerhead Ranch Motel - Tim Dorsey

2000; 354 pages. Sequel to Florida Roadkill, reviewed here. Genre : Crime humor; Florida noire. New author? : No. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Welcome to Hammerhead Ranch Motel, where each of the 14 rooms has a tale to tell. Really. Their stories are given on pages 58-61.

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Serge A. Storms also has a story to tell. But it might be a bit incoherent, since he's off his meds again. It's about a suitcase with 5 million dollars in laundered drug money in it, hopping around from owner to owner like a restless bedbug. Those who have it now don't know it; those who do manage to snatch it can't seem to hold onto it. It's almost as if the money is cursed.

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What's To Like...

The $5Mil is the core story, but this is more about Tim Dorsey introducing you to a slew of oddball characters in diverse situations and various Florida locations. As you read Hammerhead Ranch Motel, you'll wonder how Dorsey is going to be able to tie them all together by the end of the book, but he accomplishes this quite niftily.

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The humor had me LOL, and Serge's trove of Florida historical trivia was facinating, even though I don't live there. And what a cast of supporting characters!

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There's playboy Johnny Vegas, an involuntary virgin whose meticulous plans for sex keep getting trumped by acts of God. There's City and Country, a Thelma-&-Louise knock-off whose introduction to pot leads them to conclude that the greatest rock-&-roll band ever was ABBA. There's Edna Ploomfield, a pistol-packing geezerette who blows away drug hitmen like they were ducks in a pond. And at least another dozen equally kooky Floridians to meet. There's no Coleman, but his place is taken by a stoner named Lenny.

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The downsides are few. It's a sequel, but there's no backstory; so it's best to read Florida Roadkill first. If you're uncomfortable with a psychopathic hero whose forte is innovative slayings, you should probably give this a pass. Ditto if literary sex and drugs are not your cup of tea.

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Kewl New Words...

Jalousie : a window shutter (in this case, in a door) constructed from angled slats of wood or plastic. Terrazzo : a highly-polished mosaic flooring made from small chips of marble or granite set in mortar.

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Excerpts...

Flag turned to face Zargoza. "Why am I getting subpoenaed?"

"Because you're a toad!" said Zargoza, suddenly raising his voice. "And not just your regular happy garden toad, but one of those lumpy, putrescent amphibilous tumors you find under a bunch of rotted lumber in a ditch next to a closed-down industrial plant ... How's Marge and the kids?"

"They're fine, Z ... but I'm worried..."

"Take a chill pill," said Zargoza. "It'll blow over." (pg. 71)

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"I taught my Rottweiler Chinese," the Miami man ahead of them at the cash register told his friend.

"Get outta here."

"No lie. You know how everyone in Dade is buying vicious dogs because of crime? I read where burglars are giving the dogs commands, because everyone uses the same ones - sit, stay, heel - and houses are cleaned out while expensive pit bulls and German shepherds stand there stupid."

"Why Chinese?"

"Can't use Spanish. Half the burglars in Miami are bilingual."

"How do you say sit in Chinese?"

"I'm not gonna tell you!" (pg. 110)

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Doesn't anyone sell cocaine these days? I mean, besides undercover cops? (pg. 63)

For all the mayhem, Hammerhead Ranch Motel is a remarkably tightly-composed story - far better than Florida Roadkill. It was a light, entertaining read; and all the characters - whether good, bad, and/or idiotic - were fun to meet and follow. Who cares about the 5 million? 8 Stars.

Towers Of Midnight - Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson

2010; 843 pages. Book #13 of the Wheel Of Time ("WoT") series. Genre : Epic Fantasy. New Author(s)? : No. Overall Raitng : 9½*/10.

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The Last Battle looms. Trollocs, Draghkar, and Myrddraal swarm south out of The Blight; and the Dark One is all but free from his prison. Meanwhile, Rand Al'Thor (the Dragon Reborn) and his closest associates - Perrin, Mat, Elayne, Egwene, and Nynaeve - attempt to rally the human kingdoms, who unfortunately at times seem more intent on fighting each other than the hordes of Evil.

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The Pattern in unraveling and for the first time ever, it seems possible that the Wheel Of Time will come to a halt.

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What's To Like...

This is the penultimate book in the series, and a lot of the threads in Jordan's far-flung universe are finally converging. That means there is plenty of action, and lots of progress in the plotlines.

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All the favorites are here (except Loial and the Ogiers. WTF ever happened to them?), including one or two that have been MIA for a while. But the bulk of the book focuses on Perrin and Mat as they make their way towards each other and towards Rand.

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For those of you who are less "plot-driven", there is still oodles of attention paid to the characters themselves and the detailed minutiae of their lives. The "handing-off" from the late Robert Jordan to Brandon Sanderson is IMHO seamless. Indeed, I'd go as far as to say that Sanderson has rescued the series. Based on Books 6 thru 10, I have a hard time believing Jordan would be capable of making as disciplined an effort to bring the series to a close.

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Kewl New Words...

Just one, and I can't find a plausible definition for it. Con (noun) : as in, "They wore con rising over their backs." (pg. 758). Maybe it's a made-up word.

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Excerpts...

Amys eyes narrowed. "You have grown much since we last met, Egwene al'Vere."

That sent a thrill through Egwene. "I had much need to grow. My life has been difficult of late."

"When confronted by a collapsed roof," Bair said, "some will begin to haul away the refuse, becoming stronger for the process. Others will go to visit their brother's hold and drink his water." (pg. 202)

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They entered the inn, known as The Grand Hike, which was crowded beyond usual because of the rain. The innkeeper was a friend of Birgitte's, however, and he had the bouncer toss out a drunkard sleeping in one of the booths to make room for her.

She tossed him a coin in thanks, and he nodded his ugly head to her - he was missing several teeth, one eye, and most of his hair. Best-looking man in the place. (pg. 357-58)

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"I haven't yet asked what Matrim meant by calling himself a married man in his letter. I expect a full report! No expurgations!" She eyed Mat, smiling slyly. "Expurgation means 'parts cut out', Mat. In case you weren't bloody aware."

He put his hat on. "I knew that." What had that word been again? Expirations? (pg. 295)

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Death is lighter than a feather. Duty is heavier than a mountain. (pg. 641)

I found Towers Of Midnight to be a complete treat. A number of long-standing threads get resolved, and the book ends with enough cliff-hangers and tension to give the WoT world a migraine.

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The only readers who might be disappointed in ToM will be those who hoped WoT would be a never-ending series. It still might. There is a hint about a time long after The Dragon Reborn comes and goes, with the Aiel and the Seanchan locked in a war of annihilation. Perhaps Sanderson can be teased into writing a sequel series.

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One note to new readers - this is not a stand-alone book. To enjoy ToM, you really need to read the first 12 books (plus the prequel), and each of those are 600-1100 pages long.

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For everyone else, the worst that can be said is that we will have to wait more than a year for the final book; and I'm still not convinced that it won't have to be split into two parts. Yet if anyone can pull it off, it's Brandon Sanderson. Good luck and godspeed to you, sir! 9½ Stars.

The Rose Rent - Ellis Peters

1986; 198 pages. Book #13 in the 'Brother Cadfael' series. New Author? : No. Genre : Mystery (Cozy). Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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For the price of one rose per year; young, wealthy, pretty, moneyed Judith Perle rents one of her houses to Brother Cadfael's abbey. But it must be cut from the bush alongside the house, and must be delivered on a certain day.

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Alas, someone has murdered the brother whose job it was to deliver the flower each year. And they've hacked the rosebush to pieces. Who would want to upset this arrangement?

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What's To Like...

As usual for an Ellis Peters book, there are likeable characters, a love story by-plot, and some fantastic historical fiction. The story takes place along the English-Welsh border in 1142 AD, which is a kewl setting. But first and foremost, it's a whodunit. You travel with Brother Cadfael (and sheriff Hugh Beringar) as they search for answers, whilst limited to 12th-century technology. And everyone you meet seems to be a suspect.

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This is a "cozy" mystery, so there is very little blood and/or onstage violence. Still, the story flows nicely, although it is not a fast read, since Ms. Peters weaves a lot of medieval terminology into it.

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Kewl New Words...

Horarium : the daily schedule of those living in a religious community. Demesne : manorial land retained for the private use of a feudal lord. Caput : the central manor in an agricultural estate. Cantrip : a mischievous trick. Lambent : flickering lightly over or on a surface. Chatelaine : the mistress of a castle or other feudal estate. Assize : a session in court.

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Excerpt...

"Father, what more should I do for the cleansing of my soul?" ventured Eluric, quivering to the last subsiding tremors of guilt.

"Penance may well be salutary for you," admitted the abbot somewhat wearily. "But beware of making extravagant claims even upon punishment. You are far from a saint - so are we all - but neither are you a notable sinner; nor, my child, will you ever be." (pg. 25)

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A Rose Rent is not the same as a Rent Rose.

For some reason, I thought the title meant 'a torn rose', not 'a rose as payment for living in a house'. Ah, English! You are an ambiguous tongue.

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Ultimately, The Rose Rent should be rated on its merits as a whodunit. You'd think a short (less than 200 pages) formulaic mystery would mean the perpetrator(s) will be either pretty obvious or a random selection, but Ellis Peters keeps you constantly changing your prime suspect. And for a cozy, there is still lots of action.

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There is a logical ending to The Rose Rent, and of course, true love also triumphs. There's nothing epic about a Brother Cadfael tale, but I enjoyed both the mystery and the historical fiction facets of this book. 7½ Stars.

Carthage Ascendant - Mary Gentle

2000; 422 pages. #2 in the "Book of Ash" series. New Author? : No. Genre : Alt-History; Historical Fantasy. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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It is August 1476, and the Visigoth armies of Carthage are overwhelming Europe. Burgundy stands defiant (and virtually alone) against their leader, known as The Faris, who gets her unbeatable battle tactics from a computer back in Carthage. Ash wants to lead a raid there, but is turned down.

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Ah, but be careful what you wish for. Because the Visigoths capture Ash, and take her to Carthage. Convenient, eh? Not if you're a condemned prisoner with only two days to live. And it will be Death-by-Vivisection, no less.

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What's To Like...

It's Carthage, and they're kicking tush. Hamilcar likes that. So what if they're the bad guys? As with the first book (see review here), Mary Gentle's descriptions of the battles, the cities, and everyday 15th-century life are realistic and vividly detailed.

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Ash's scoudrel husband again shows up, and seems to be turning from black to gray. Ash herself is evolving too. Always the conquering hero in the past, she now finds herself "on the other foot", vanquished and doomed.

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As with the first book, there are dual storylines, and as before, this is an R-Rated book; definitely not one for the Alt-History-loving kiddies. Also, this is not a stand-alone book, although the author does give a 1-page backstory at the start.

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Kewl New Words...

Asperity : something hard to endure. Heirophantic (sic) : relating to the position of chief priest. Liminal : barely perceptible. (I guess I cooda figured that out from 'subliminal'). Voluble : marked by a ready flow of speech.

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Excerpts...

"Why is it," Ash said under her breath, "that when the brown and sticky hits the fan, I'm always standing real close by?"

Thomas Rochester shrugged. "Just lucky, boss, I guess..." (pg. 52)

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As I have written elsewhere, it is my contention now that the Burgundy of which the 'Ash' biographers tell us did not vanish. It became transformed. The mountainous landscape of the past shifted, and when the earthquake was done, the nameless fragments of her story had alighted in other, different places - in the story of Joan of Arc; of Bosworth Field; the legends of Arthurian chivalry, and the travail of the Chapel Perilous. She has become myth, and Burgundy with her; and yet, these faint traces remain. (pg. 332)

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Carthage, ancient city, victor over the Romans... (pg. 399)

Carthage Ascendant is well-written, and has lots of action, but not much progress. The total time that passes is less than a month. It does give you a lot of answers as to how the stone golems and computer-like machine came to be, and why the Visigoths are resolved to conquer the world.

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There is no real conclusion at the end of the book. In fairness, Mary Gentle never wanted this to be a 4-book series. In the UK, it is a single-volume 1120-page opus. Wowza.

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Despite being a "middle book", Carthage Ascendant maintained my interest, so 7½ stars. Nevertheless, I am glad I'm reading this saga in 400-page chunks instead of all at once. The downside is that, although Book #3 is on my TBR shelf, I've yet to locate the grand finale, Book #4.

Necrophenia - Robert Rankin

2008; 393 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Fiction; Humor. Overall Raitng : 8½*/10.

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Tyler and his high school chums want to be rock-&-roll stars. But they are penniless and are thus reduced to using school-owned ukuleles. The enigmatic Mr. Ishmael will supply them with proper instruments, but that comes at a price - a contract, signed in blood. Could Mr. Ishmael possibly have an ulterior motive? Ya think?

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What's To Like...

The storyline gallops along nicely. There are 75 chapters, which averages out to about 5 pages per chapter, and each one ends with a twist or a teaser.

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Style-wise, this reminds me of a cross between DiscWorld and HHGTTG. It is both witty and surreal. The fate of the world hangs in the balance and zombies walk the streets. A slew of luminaries make cameo appearances - Mama Cass, Aleister Crowley, the ultimate ukuleleist George Formby, and super-sleuth Lazlo Woodbine, just to name a few. The Rolling Stones and Elvis are also present, and in much more than cameos. There is "talking the toot", dialoguing with the Zeitgeist, and learning the real details about Elvis's death.

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Kewl New Words...

Fundament : the buttocks; the posterior (which makes a 'fundamentalist' a...). Pouffe : a thick cushion used as a seat. Debouched : something (usually water) flowing out from a narrow opening. Knees-Up : a party; a celebration (British). Remit (noun) : an area of authority or responsibility. Plimsoll : (British) a rubber-soled cloth shoe (similar to a sneaker).

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Excerpts...

"Taylor," he said to me as he ushered me into the visitors' chair, which stood, with three inches cut from its legs, before his desk.

"Tyler," I corrected him.

"Tyler," said the headmaster. "Yes, that's as good of an occupation as any for a lad such as yourself."

"My name is Tyler, sir," said I.

"Then how apt," said he. "And good luck with it, too." (pgs. 48-49)

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The snow dropped like dandruff from the Holy Head of God.

In my business, which is one of private detection, you see these cosmic similes all the time. You have to keep in touch with your spiritual side, never forgetting that every next step could be your last and a watched boil never pops. (pg. 192)

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"Just wait until I tell the guys at the tennis club."

"Tennis club?" I said. "You?"

"I'll have you know that I do own a tennis club," said Fangio.

"Own a tennis club?"

"Certainly. It's a thing about yay-long." Fangio mimed the yayness. "Made of wood, with criss-crossed strings at the fat end."

"That's a tennis racquet," I said.

"Not the way I use it," said Fangio. (pg. 237)

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You can't squeeze salt from a billiard ball, no matter how long you soak it. (pg. 196)

This is a typical Robert Rankin novel - fun to read, an event-filled, twisty storyline, and a bunch of likeable characters to hang out with. But Rankin's real forte has always been his witty writing.

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Necrophenia is both thought-provoking and tongue-in-cheek. If you like Douglas Adams, Tom Robbins, and Terry Pratchett, you will probably enjoy Robert Rankin as well. 8½ Stars.

The Charlemagne Pursuit - Steve Berry

2009; 540 pages. Book 4 of the Cotton Malone series. New Author? : No. Genre : Cri-Fi. Overall Rating : 10*/10.

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When Cotton Malone was 10, he was told by the Navy that his father passed away in a submarine disaster in the North Atlantic. Now, 38 years later, Cotton learns that the submarine (the "Blazek") was actually lost beneath the ice of Antarctica on a top secret mission, and that no search-&-rescue was ever launched for its crew.

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Which is puzzling enough. But what is really strange is that all sorts of people are trying to kill him now that he's learned this secret.

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What's To Like...

This is vintage Steve Berry. The action starts immediately and is non-stop. There are multiple plotlines and a well-researched and clearly-presented historical mystery ("The Charlemagne Pursuit") underpinning everything.

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The bad guys are not 2-D idiots, and at times it's hard to tell who's on whose side. And although this is part of a series, it is still a stand-alone book. Everything comes together nicely at the end, and I dare you to guess the outcome of the father/Blazek plotline.

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Kewl New Words...

Tympanum : the semi-circular or triangular decorative wall surface over an entrance (say, to a temple), bounded by a lintel and an arch. Wiki it. Pediment : the larger triangular section above a structure, typically supported by columns. It often contains a tympanum. Yeah, Wiki this too.

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Excerpts...

Interesting how danger stimulated desire. This man, a navy captain with good looks, modest brains, and a few guts, attracted her. Why were weak men so desirable? (pg. 103)

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Commander Zachary Alexander, retired USN, had spent the last thirty years doing nothing but complaining. His heart. Spleen. Liver. Bones. Not a body part had escaped scrutiny. Twelve years ago he became convinced he needed an appendectomy until a doctor reminded him that his appendix had been removed ten years before. (pg. 144)

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Bacchus tells me that they have communicated with many people and they respect all forms of language, finding each beautiful in its own way. The language of this gray land is a flowing tongue in an alphabet long ago perfected. On writing they are conflicted. It is necessary, but they warn that writing encourages forgetfulness and discourages memory and they are correct. (pgs. 407-08)

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No people live longer than the documentation of their culture. (pg. 140)

What does it take for a Cri-Fi novel to earn a ten-star rating?

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First, there must be no slow spots. The story must have lots of action, yet also be thought-provoking. It has to keep the reader up past his bedtime turning the pages. The historical hypothesis has to make sense, even if it strains at the bounds of believability. (After all, a dinosaur theme park on an island in the Pacific isn't very believable, is it?) The bad guys ought to be a bit "gray". Except for the UE (Ultimate Evil), but he must be resouceful.

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It helps if there are more than only two parties chasing after the Ultimate Artifact/Secret. There has to be a distinct ending, not just a teaser to the next sequel. All the plotlines have to be resolved, and there have to be twists along the way. Finally, the conclusion needs to be logical, yet unforeseen.

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So how does The Charlemagne Pursuit measure up to all this? 10 Stars.

Humpty Dumpty in Oakland - Philip K. Dick

1960 & 1986; 252 pages. Genre : Contemporary Fiction. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 5*/10.

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On the advice of his doctor, Jim Fergesson is retiring and selling his one-man garage business. It will allow him and his wife to live the rest of their years modestly, but at least that's better than what his friend, Al Miller, will accomplish in life.

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Al Miller leases a plot of ground from Fergesson (adjacent to the garage), and is your classic, shifty, fast-talking used-car salesman. He knows he'll never get rich selling clunkers to patsies, but is happy that at least he understands this cold, cruel world better than his friend, Jim Fergesson. He just needs a break, and he's always on the look-out for it

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What's To Like...

Humpty Dumpty In Oakland examines the character of a number of people, although the spotlight is mostly on Jim and Al. Despite their different circumstances and occupations, their thought processes are remarkably similar. They may argue and get vexed with each other, but for some reason they keep visiting and chit-chatting.

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Philip K. Dick's desciptive passages are great; you can smell the grease and oil in Fergesson's garage, and feel the grittiness of the streets in this poorer part of Oakland.

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All the characters are interesting to get to know. HDIO has the style of Steinbeck's Cannery Row, although in tone it reminds me of Arthur Miller's Death Of A Salesman.

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Kewl New Words...

Jitney : a small bus that carries passengers over a regular route on a flexible schedule. (Think of today's "van service").

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Excerpts...

"They humiliated me," Al said.

"No that's all in your mind. You project your own motives onto the whole world; just because you're in the used-car business you see everyone in terms of used-car tricks." (pg. 166)

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"Luck is being able to make use of chance," Ross said. "It means that when something goes wrong you can turn it to your own advantage. It doesn't mean, say, always drawing a good hand. It doesn't mean getting three aces and two kings every time." Turning to face Al, he said, "It means that when you draw a nothing hand you can still win, because in some way that eludes the rest of us, you can make a nothing hand a winning hand." (pg. 173)

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"You just a humpty dumpty," Tootie said. "You just stand there, stand around, while it all happen to you. You just perch and watch." (pg. 247)

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"You have to do or you be done." (pg. 49)

Philp K. Dick wrote HDIO in 1960, but it wasn't published until 1986, after his posthumous rise to fame in the Horror genre. His talent shows through here, but you can also see why it went unpublished. Simply put, there's no action to sustain your interest. Miller and Fergesson are engaging souls, but they never do anything, and this isn't Existential Lit.

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So this is mostly for those PKD fans who are compelled to read everything he ever penned - even his early, straight dramatic stuff. For the rest of us, this is still an okay read, but non-essential. And you'll probably be happy that it's only 250 pages long. 5 Stars.

Get Real - Donald Westlake

2009; 289 pages. Genre : Crime Fiction; Humor. New Author? : No. Book #14 in the Dortmunder series. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

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What theme hasn't been tried yet as a Reality Show? How 'bout following John Dortmunder's gang of thieves as they plan and carry out their next heist? For Dortmunder and his cohorts, it's a chance to pick up some easy money as they do a scripted-for-TV caper. And maybe do a second, real job when the cameras aren't pointed their way.

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What's To Like...

Get Real is a formulaic Dortmunder tale, but that's okay. Our lovable lugs plan a caper that can't possibly go wrong, only to find it hitting snag after snag.

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The whole "how real is a Reality Show" issue is artfully done. Two new "partners" are written into the cast to add dramatic and romantic angles. And after initial discomfort, Dortmunder and friends find they kinda enjoy acting out their story in front of the cameras. Now if they can just steal something for real and get away with it.

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Kewl New Words...

Gaff : to rig or fix something in order to cheat (or in this case, to steal). Zeitung : German for 'newspaper', although its usage here was unclear.

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Excerpts...

Kelp stepped aside while the clerk was on the phone, to let the next customer, a short round Hispanic lady totally concentrated on her own business, wheel into place an enormous shopping cart piled sky-high with Barbies, all different Barbies. Either this lady had an awful lot of little nieces or she was some kind of fetishist; in either case, Kelp was happy to respect her privacy. (pg. 21)

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As Dortmunder nodded, the doorway filled with enough person to choke Jonah's whale. This creature, who was known only to those who felt safe in considering him their friend as Tiny, had the body of a top-of-the-line SUV, in jacket and pants of a neutral gray that made him look like an oncoming low, atop which was a head that didn't make you think of Easter Island so much as Halloween Island. (pg. 48)

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Reality is escapist entertainment at its most pure and mindless. (pg. 84)

Donald Westlake died unexpectedly in December 2008. Get Real was first published in July 2009. Sadly, it has the feel of a novel that was only about 90% finished at the time Westlake passed away. The story hums along nicely until we get to the matter of wrapping it up.

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Frankly, the ending is a major fizzle. All the major plotlines - the reality show, the second heist, and a tertiary auto-theft operation - are hastily and unsatisfactorily addressed. One gets the impression that a ghost-writer was called in at no notice, and did a crappy job of finishing the tale. 289 pages is a bit short for a Dortmunder book; added evidence that Westlake would've ended this properly, albeit using another 40 pages or so.

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Still, it was nice to see the whole gang in operation one last time, and Get Real was clipping along at an 8-star pace until that anti-climactic climax. We'll dock it a star for that, so 7 Stars it is.

The Silver Pigs - Lindsey Davis

1989; 329 pages. Book #1 in the "Falco" series. New Author? : Yes. Genre : At least three. Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

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Marcus Didius Falco is an informer (we'd call him a Private Investigator) in ancient Rome in 70 AD, who's always looking for a way to make some money. When he saves a damsel from a pair of thugs in the Forum, he escorts her home in the hope that protecting her is worth something.

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It is. She is in possession of a silver ingot (the "silver pigs") and knows where a lot more are. By Jove, it's an emperor's trove! Ah, but those silver pigs are hotter than Mt. Vesuvius, and there are lots of bad guys who'll stop at nothing to get their booty back. Including killing anyone who gets in their way.

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What's To Like...

The Silver Pigs is a Murder-Mystery. It's also Historical Fiction. It's also a Romance. It's all of the above. It's got wit and humor too, so one of these genres is bound to appeal to you. And if you like this first book, there are 19 more in the series.

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There are kewl settings here - Rome, Britain, and Gaul. I particularly liked the chapters that took place in ancient Britain. Lindsey Davis has an easy-reading style, which makes The Silver Pigs feel less like "work" than, say, an Edith Pargeter or Mary Renault opus.

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Kewl New Words...

Intaglio : a design or figure cut into stone or metal. Dozy : dopey; stupid (Britishism). Niffy : unpleasant-smelling (Britishism). Scrofulous : morally corrupt.

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Excerpts...

It was an ingot of lead. It weighed two hundred Roman pounds. I tried to explain once to a woman I knew, how heavy that was.

"Not a lot heavier than you. You're a tall girl, quite a solid piece. A bridegroom could just about heave you over his threshold and not lose his silly smile..." (pg. 49)

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Vespasian's banquets were extremely old-fashioned; the waitresses kept their clothes on and he never poisoned the food. (pg. 197)

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He had his eye on her laundry, that small but steady gold mine, but her own attention was riveted on his hefty real estate. Their lives together would be fortified by the keen nip of greed, as each prayed daily to their household gods that the other would die first.

Many marriages endure for decades on this healthy basis, so I wished her well. (pg. 258)

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Ave atque vale.

I found The Silver Pigs to be okay, but not great. The murder-mystery solution seemed arbitrary and incomplete. The historical-fiction angle was particularly unsatisfying to me - there were simply too many inaccuracies - measurements in inches; knights wandering around; and worst of all, the mention of the chemical compound carbonate of soda. It's hard to say if this was shallow research, or if it was intentionally "modernized". Hey, Shakespeare put anachronisms in his plays too.

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Then there's the romance. Simply put, there was too much of it to be in a book found in the mystery section of the bookstore. Lisa Jackson fooled me the same way years ago with Absolute Fear (see the review here), and I'll never pick up one of her books again.

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So if you're into historical-romance or mystery-romance, you'll probably enjoy this book. OTOH, if the "R-Word" sends you fleeing to another aisle in the bookstore, you might want to give this one a pass. We'll give it 5½ stars for the wit, the engaging characters, and the ambitious blending of genres. And we'll wonder whether the subsequent books have more or less icky romance in them.

Shades Of Grey - Jasper Fforde

2009; 388 pages. Full Title : Shades of Grey - The Road To High Saffron. New Author? : No. Genre : Contemporary Fiction. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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Jasper Fforde ventures into dystopian fiction with Shades Of Grey. It is set at least a half-millenium in the future, after a catastrophic-but-undetailed "Something That Happened". We're presumably on earth; presumably near a coast in Great Britain.

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It is a world where people can only see one color, and even then only to varying degrees. No one can see at all in the dark. The story centers around Eddie Russett, who moves to East Carmine with his dad, who is going to be their Color Swatchman (a healer via colors). East Carmine is at the edge of the wilds, where the rigid rules of Society are occasionally bent just a wee bit.

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Eddie is betrothed to one Constance Oxford, who's definitely a step up for the Russett family lineage. He's happy with this lot until he meets Jane G-23, a lowly Grey, who's intriguing, rebellious, and therefore tantalizingly dangerous.

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What's To Like...

It's Jasper Fforde, so it's well-written and well-paced, and he's a master at detailing a vivid, strange land (even if it is monochromatic here), which makes it easy to become immersed in the storyline. Shades Of Grey is a page-turner, despite being just the first book of a new Fforde trilogy.

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Overall, it's the standard Dystopian Uber-Plot. The happy protagonist's eyes are opened, he starts to think, starts to question the Society, becomes a threat, and finds the Society taking appropriate steps against him. Some were disappointed that Fforde doesn't add anything new to the dystopian formula, but I don't think there's a lot of ways to vary it. What Fforde does do is present it in a new light - there's a subtle tongue-in-cheekiness tone that's not been done before in Dystopian Lit. And the idea of color-perception being the determinus of the societal caste system is kewl and innovative.

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Kewl New Words...

Retroussé : upturned at the end, as a nose. Mullioned : divided by horizontal bars, as a window. Spall : to break up into chips or fragments. Nobbled : disabled; hobbled (British). Farrago : a motley mess.

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Excerpts...

The Word of Munsell was the Rules, and the Rules were the Word of Munsell. They regulated everything we did, and had brought peace to the Collective for nearly four centuries. They were sometimes very odd indeed. The banning of the number that lay between 72 and 74 was a case in point, and no one had ever fully explained why it was forbidden to count sheep, make any new spoons or use acronyms. (pg. 29)

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"Do you want some advice? Go home. You're far too inquisitive, and here in East Carmine curiosity only ends one way."

"Death?"

"Worse - enlightenment." (pg. 110)

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"If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hundred merits, and all you have to do is take a look."

"I understand there's a one hundred percent fatality rate?"

"True. But up until the moment of death there was a one hundred percent survival rate. Really, I shouldn't let anything as meaningless as statistics put you off." (pg. 178)

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Curiosity is a descending stair

That leads only who-knows-where. (pg. 23)

The quibbles are minor. Shades Of Grey ends a bit abruptly, and the next installment isn't due out until 2014. That's a long time to be left hanging onto a cliff.

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The plusses overwhelm the minuses. Fforde's wit abounds, the storyline is engaging, and you'll love the world that he paints for you, its dystopian character notwithstanding. We can now chalk up another literary genre that Fforde shows himself to be a master of. 9 Stars.

The Initiate - Louise Cooper

1985; 278 pages. Book #1 of the Time Master trilogy. New Author? : Yes. Genre : Epic Fantasy. Overall Rating : 6½*/10.

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Life is good. The Forces Of Chaos have been vanquished by the Forces Of Order, and the world is at peace.

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Well almost. Brigands and robbers make traveling in the wilds a risky undertaking, and they seem to be getting bolder and stronger. And you'd think the good wizards could do something about the Warp storms (torndao-sized hurricanes) that are getting more frequent.

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Then there's our protagonist, Tarod. Condemned in his homeland for killing his cousin, he escapes when a Warp sweeps him up and away. Near death, he is taken in at The Castle, where Order Magic is taught. Tarod shows a marked ability in that area, but mentally he's very unstable - he sees things and people that no one else does, and strange beings infest his dreams.

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What's To Like...

Louise Cooper raises some interesting questions about the Duality motif. Can you really have Light without Darkness? Do the Forces on both sides view themselves as being Right? Does the absence of Chaos weaken or strengthen Order?

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There's a handy reference map at the front of the book, although The Initiate only has about three settings. The characters are well-developed and Tarod has every guy's love dilemma. Who is best for him - the high-born, ambitious, sexy Sashka Veyyil, or the honest, low-born and frankly plain-looking Cyllan Anassan? Maybe both?

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The book has some slow stretches over the first 200 pages, but the last third is action-packed and moves the plot along nicely.

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Kewl New Words...

Skirling : producing a high, shrill, wailing sound. Stertorous : making a snoring sound. Coruscating : sparkling.

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Excerpts...

Silence enveloped them. Even the roar of the tide had been swallowed into nothing, and as the eastern sky turned pewter-dark the distant horizon was blurring into night. Kael forcibly reminded herself that they were still in the world as she knew it; the Castle's pecularities had simply altered time and space by a fraction. A useful precaution, under some circumstances... (pg. 32-33)

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"Order has become so ingrained in this sad little world that its servants no longer have a reason to exist. Oh, your Circle continues, and you pass on to your new Adepts the sum total of your centuries of knowledge. But with no adversary to stand against you, all your knowledge is worthless. With nothing to combat, no wrongs to right, you have no value. What are you, Keridil Toln? What is the justification for your existence in a world where Aeoris reigns unchallenged? To do his will, uphold his laws? His will is done and his laws upheld without the need of your intervention - you have no good reason to exist!" (pg. 182)

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A loaf of bread, an epic fate, and thou...

The overall theme - a reluctant hero who is uncomfortable with his preordained Fate - is similar to that of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. But The Initiate antedates The Wheel of Time by 5 years, so if anyone cribbed the concept, it certainly wasn't Ms. Cooper. The last 100 pages of The Initiate were great, and the Time Master trilogy has the potential to develop some intriguing Epic Fantasy themes. Alas, it seems just as likely to degenerate into some trite love story.

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For some reason, Louise Cooper books are hard-to-find. If I come across the next two in this trilogy (The Outcast and The Master), I'll probably pick them up. But Romance threatens to outstrip Epic Fantasy, and one wonders how much action will be found in a book called "The Outcast". Which means this isn't a series that I'll go out of my way to finish. 6½ Stars.

The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents - Terry Pratchett

2001; 340 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Humor; YA Literature. Laurels : 2001 Carnegie Award for Children's Literature. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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You start with a hundred or so rats that can talk and think. They got that way by eating from the trash heap outside the wizards' Unseen University. Add one cat (the Amazing Maurice) who can also talk and think. We won't discuss how he came to have the gift. Finally, throw in one stupid-looking kid who can play the flute passably poorly. Whattaya got?

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Nope, not the Pied Piper. But a slick scam that works in one town after another. Until our tricking troupe comes to Bad Blintz.

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Here, there are devilish rat traps and poisons, but no rats. Here, there are two full-time rat catchers who daily display their booty of rat tail "scalps". But those look strangely like dyed shoe laces. Here, the townspeople starve because they believe the rats are eating all the food. And behind all this lurks something dark. Something intelligent. Something evil. Something powerful.

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What's To Like...

The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents was Terry Pratchett's first book for Young Readers. It is set in Discworld, but is not considered to be part of that series. Death makes a small appearance (along with his associate, The Grim Squeaker), and Maurice and the rats apparently debuted earlier in Reaper Man (1991), but I haven't read that one yet.

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TAMAHER has a Shrek-esque ability to entertain both young and adult readers. I'm a little surprised that it is listed as a children's book because this isn't some sappy Care Bears tale. There are deaths, assaults, and animal cruelty to go along with the action and adventure.

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Strangely, I found it to be a bit less zany than a typical Discworld novel. It also has chapters, which is a rarity for Pratchett.

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Kewl New Words...

None, although young readers will want to keep a dictionary handy.

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Excerpts...

"You get coconuts," said the kid. "On desert islands. A man selling them told me."

"How?" said Maurice. He wasn't too sure about coconuts.

"I don't know. You just get them."

"Oh, I suppose they just grow on trees, do they?" said Maurice sarcastically. (pg. 18)

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Maurice tried to tell his thoughts to shut up. What a time to get a conscience! What good was a cat with a conscience? A cat with a conscience was a ... a hamster, or something. (pg. 172)

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Rat Catcher 2 fell to his knees. "Please, young sir! Have mercy! If not for me, please think of my dear wife and my four lovely children what'll be without their daddy!"

"You're not married," said Malicia. "You don't have any children!"

"I might want some one day!" (pg. 211)

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Stealing from a thief isn't stealing 'cos it cancels out. (pg. 9)

This is another Pratchett masterpiece, as he demonstrates that he is just as good when writing for a different target audience. There is plenty of action, lots of object lessons, fun characters, sufficient suspense, a tidy ending, and heaps of wit.

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The worst I can say is that it might not be appropriate for sensitive juvenile readers. For everyone else, including those reading it to their children, it will be a treat. 9 Stars.