Flashman - George MacDonald Fraser

1969; 252 pages. Genre : Historical Fiction. New Author? : Yes. Book #1 (out of 12) of the "Flashman" series. Overall Rating : 4½*/10.

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Harry Flashman is a decorated hero of various wars and military debacles of the 19th century. He's also a vain, womanizing, bullying coward who wrote his memoirs (the Flashman series) to "set the record straight" about his supposed exploits. In this, the first book in the series, he recounts his adventures in what is called the First Anglo-Afghan War.

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What's To Like...

If you like anti-heroes, Flashy's your guy. He has very few redeeming qualities, other than being able to spot a dangerous enemy and an incompetent ally. He also picks up the native lingo quickly, and has a way with the ladies. Usually.

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Flashman is a historically-accurate account of the disastrous British retreat from Kabul in 1842. You can read the Wiki article about it here. Our protagonist will later also take part in Custer's Last Stand and the Charge of the Light Brigade. Good luck shines on him alone; everyone around him gets shafted.

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There's lots of action, lots of wit, sex aplenty, and some kewl Indian and Afghan vocabulary to supplement the "British" text. (Fraser was Scottish) There are also some timely lessons for NATO and the US about occupying Afghanistan. Don't do it!

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OTOH, to call Flashman a scoundrel would be an understatement. He deserts his military friends, tries to bed every woman he meets (single or married), thinks only of himself, and on one occasion commits rape. There is also prolific use of the N-word, which grates my teeth. Flashman of course escapes every crisis (well, there are another 11 books in the series, you know). If there's a moral to this story, I'm not sure I like it.

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Kewlest New Word...

Gommeril : a fool. (a Britishism/Yorkshire-ism)

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Excerpts...

...for the true talent for catastrophe - Elphy Bey stood alone. Others abide our question, but Elphy outshines them all as the greatest military idiot of our own or any other day.

Only he could have permitted the First Afghan War and let it develop to such ruinous defeat. It was not easy: he started with a good army, a secure position, some excellent officers, a disorganized enemy, and repeated opportunities to save the situation. But Elphy, with the touch of true genius, swept aside these obstacles with unerring precision, and out of order wrought complete chaos. We shall not, with luck, look upon his like again. (pgs. 98-99)

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I recognized the handwriting, and my heart gave a skip; when I opened it I got a turn, for it began, "To my most beloved Hector," and I thought, by God, she's cheating on me, and has sent me the wrong letter by mistake. But in the second line was a reference to Achilles, and another to Ajax, so I understood she was just addressing me in terms which she accounted fitting for a marital paladin; she knew no better. (pgs. 154-155)

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"What difference does it make whether you die like an Englishman or like a bloody Eskimo?" (pg. 199)

I kept waiting for Harry to get his "just deserts", but it never happened. There is a hint of a comeuppance at the very end; but it's left as a loose end. Perhaps it's a teaser to make me read the next book.

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If you can overlook Flashman's boorishness and the use of the N-word every time an Indian or Afghan is referred to, you will find this book to be an excellent piece of historical fiction.

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Alas, I couldn't. My only hope is that Flashy "evolves" into a decent human being (well, at least not an utterly reprehensible one) as the series progresses. I will give George MacDonald Fraser another chance. There is one more Flashman book on my TBR shelf. 4½ Stars, but that rating could go up if Flashy starts to self-improve.

The Reality Dysfunction - Peter F. Hamilton

1996; 1,094 pages (whew!). New Author? : Yes. Genre : Space Opera; Horror. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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It's the 27th century. Mankind is exploring the galaxy and colonizing all sorts of inhabitable planets and asteroid systems. Bioengineering means most people live for more than a century; and something called an "affinity gene" can be implanted (to those who want it) which allows a "mind meld" with others with the gene; or even with a spaceship or an entire spaceport.

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But on a backwater, 3rd-rate planet called Lalonde, something has been unleashed. It takes over people's bodies and has incredible (but not infinite) powers. It overruns Lalonde and is now spreading to other planets. The ancients had a name for it : The Reality Dysfunction.

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What's To Like...

With 1100 pages to work with, Peter F. Hamilton gives you a vast, incredibly detailed, complex, and picturesque array of worlds. There is also a timeline at the beginning to cover the major points of the years 2000-2600 AD. That is a big help in getting acclimated to his universe.

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He also has time to develop a bunch of great characters. Even the bad guys are 3-D and a bit "gray". Best of all, a number of the developed characters get killed along the way, which makes it hard to guess whether they will survive a given crisis. I really like that.

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TRD is the first book of a trilogy, and most of it is focused on the good guys investigating the Reality Dysfunction - learning what it is, what its aims are, what its origins are, and (most importantly) how to combat it. The ending reminded me of the first Star Wars movie (Episode 4) - there is a climax of sorts, but on a grander scale, the stage is set for more epic things to come. Neither the Forces of Good nor the Forces of Evil are of one accord, which makes the conflict quite complicated.

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Be forewarned : there is a lot of sex (apparently a requisite for Space Opera), as well as a lot of graphic violence and gore. This is not one for the kiddies or anyone who's sensitive to these kinds of things. It is also not a stand-alone novel.

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Kewlest Word...

Shambolic : disorderly or chaotic (a Britishism).

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Excerpts...

"I wish I could stop you from feeling so much guilt," Peter had said. That was the day they had left the planet, the two of them waiting in the officers' mess of a navy spaceport while their shuttle was prepared.

"Wouldn't you feel guilty?" she asked irritably. She didn't want to talk, but she didn't want to be silent either.

"Yes. But not as much as you. You're taking the blame for the entire conflict. You shouldn't do that. Both of us, all of us, everyone on the planet, we're all being propelled by fate."

"How many despots and warlords have said that down through the centuries? I wonder," she retorted. (pgs. 11-12)

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Like most scavengers, Joshua thought he knew the Laymil well enough to build up a working image. In his mind they weren't so much different from humans. Weird shape, trisymmetric: three arms, three legs, three stumpy serpentlike sensor heads, standing slightly shorter than a man. Strange biochemistry: there were three sexes, one female egg-carrier, two male sperm-carriers. But essentially human in basic motivation; they ate and shitted, and had kids, and built machines, and put together a technological civilization, probably even cursed their boss and went for a drink after work. (pgs. 59-60)

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"I'm a futurologist ... on a one-way ride to eternity. I just get out of my time machine for a look round every now and then." (pg. 239)

You measure a Space Opera by how vibrant and believable its world is. You measure a Horror story by how much you feel the terror, which is no mean feat, considering you're simply sitting there reading the book. By both these criteria, The Reality Dysfunction is a first-rate story. Book 2 ("The Neutronium Alchemist") is on my TBR shelf. I'm sure it won't be long before I tackle it. 9 Stars.

Three Men on the Bummel - Jerome K. Jerome

1900; 207 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Claasic Lit; Humor. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Three Men on the Bummel is the sequel to Jerome K. Jerome's incredibly successful Three Men in a Boat, which was reviewed here. This time our intrepid trio, instead of boating up the Thames, go bicycling around the Black Forest region of Germany. This precludes the dog from accompanying them, but the usual humor, mayhem, and narrator's insight are here.

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Bummel is a German word, and doesn't really have an English equivalent. Jerome gives his definition late in the book. "Stroll" is close, but implies walking and of a short duration. This outing lasts more than a week, and involves riding on bicycles.

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What's To Like...

Besides the entertaining wit, 3MotB again offers an enlightening glimpse of life in Europe at the dawn of the 20th century. Transportation entails horses, trains, or walking; but now bicycling has become a recreational craze, and leisure time is increasing. Even an average British citizen can afford to cycle around Europe.

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3MotB spotlights Germany, and was written after Jerome and his wife spent some time there in 1898. Jerome gives us a lot of commentary on the German psyche, some of it eerily prescient of their World War One (and WW2) mindset.

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But for the most part, Jerome speaks kindly of the Deutschlanders. And he still has his self-deprecating ways - our trio get into countless pickles - especially ones involving language and directional issues - when the natives often have to help them out.

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Kewlest New Word...

Droshky : an open, 4-wheeled, horse-drawn carriage.

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Excerpts...

"If nobody ever tried a new thing the world would come to a standstill. It is by-"

"I know all that can be said on that side of the argument," I interrupted. "I agree in trying new experiments up to thirty-five; after thirty-five I consider a man is entitled to think of himself. You and I have done our duty in this direction, you especially. You have been blown up by a patent gas lamp-"

He said: "I really think, you know, that was my fault; I think I must have screwed it up too tight." (pg. 34)

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Your German likes the country, but he prefers it as the lady thought she would the noble savage - more dressed. He likes his walk through the wood - to a restaurant. But the pathway must not be too steep, it must have a brick gutter running down one side of it to drain it, and every twenty yards or so it must have its seat on which he can rest and mop his brow; (pgs. 97-98)

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Shakespeare and Milton may have done their best to spread acquaintance with the English tongue among the less favoured inhabitants of Europe. (...) But the man who has spread the knowledge of English from Cape St. Vincent to the Ural Mountains is the Englishman who, unable or unwilling to learn a single word of any language but his own, travels purse in hand to every corner of the Continent. One may be shocked at his ignorance, annoyed at his stupidity, angry at his presumption. But the practical fact remains: he it is that is Anglicizing Europe. (pg. 164)

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...if a woman wanted a diamond tiara, she would explain that it was to save the expense of a bonnet. (pg. 24)

Three Men on the Bummel is a light, fun, wit-filled book; which almost, but not quite, measures up to its acclaimed predecessor. Some think this is due to the dog being absent; or that it lacks a unifying theme, such as the Thames was in Three Men in a Boat. It is always hard for a sequel (except for the Mad Max movies) to measure up to the original.

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Personally, I thought the problem is that Jerome's focus is now external. Before, he poked fun at his own English culture. Now, he's critiquing someone else's - the Germans. If I laugh at myself, everone laughs with me. If I laugh at others, someone will no longer find it as humorous.

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Anybody who loved Three Men on a Boat will also like Three Men on the Bummel. But if you are going to read only one of these, choose 3MiaB. 8 Stars.

Little Fuzzy - H. Beam Piper

1962; 174 pages. Genre : 50's Sci-Fi. Laurels : nominated for the Hugo Award in 1963. New Author? : Yes. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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Q. : If you landed on another planet, and encountered something that, say, looked like a Wookie or an Ewok, how would you know whether to make friends with it or shoot it for its meat and fur? A. : By determining whether it's a sapient being.

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Fair enough. But how would you define "sapient"? Well, the Zarathustra Company uses the guideline of whether it can talk and build a fire. And they have a charter to develop and exploit the natural resources on one particular planet, provided it has no sapient beings. That's an important clause, because if sentient creatures are found, they are the rightful owners of the planet, and Zarathustra Company's charter instantly becomes null and void. And wouldn't you know it, Jack Holloway has just crossed paths with a family of Hoka-looking "Fuzzies".

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What's To Like...

Little Fuzzy is a short, cute, easy-to-read, Sci-Fi story from the early 60's. Its target audience is young boys, yet it addresses some serious issues. Is it okay to do environmental damage to an ecosystem, as long as the creatures in it are non-sapient? How is sapience determined, and who makes that decision? What if a species is "almost" sapient? Are there any consequences if you kill a native creature prior to its sapience being determined? If something is good for the company that employs you, but unethical, can you still do it?

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For adults, the storyline might be a bit unbelievable and simplistic. Faced with a suit-&-countersuit, a judge decides to simply hold both trials simultaneously. And there's no need to determine whether a witness is telling the truth, we have a handy-dandy, infallible, lie-detector-type thingy called a Veridicator. How convenient.

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All characters are either black or white, and the story shows its age by the fact that drinking and smoking cigarettes are portrayed as normal daily activities for all adults, good or bad. Not the sort of thing you want influencing a kid reading this.

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Kewlest Word...

Colloquy : a formal conversation or conference.

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Excerpts...

"They don't talk, and they don't build fires," Ahmed Khadra said, as though that settled it.

"Ahmed, you knw better than that. That talk-and-build-a-fire rule isn't any scientific test at all."

"It's a legal test," Lunt supported his subordinate.

"It's a rule-of-thumb that was set up so that settlers on new planets couldn't get away with murdering and enslaving the natives by claiming they thought they were only hunting and domesticating wild animals," he said. "Anything that talks and builds a fire is a sapient being, yes. That's the law. But that doesn't mean that anything that doesn't isn't." (pg. 36)

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"They will have a nice, neat, pedantic definition of sapience, tailored especially to exclude the Fuzzies, and they will present it in court and try to get it accepted, and it's up to us to guess in advance what that will be, and have a refutation of it ready, and also a definition of our own."

"Their definition will have to include Khooghras. Gerd, do the Khooghras bury their dead?"

"Hell, no; they eat them. But you have to give them this, they cook them first." (pgs. 97-98)

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If you don't like the facts, you ignore them, and if you need facts, dream up some you do like. (pg. 15)

Little Fuzzy's straightforward plotline won't challenge an adult reader, but that wasn't the target audience. OTOH, at the end of the book, H. Beam Piper launches into a 5-page diatribe giving his own definition of sapience (it was a subject near and dear to his heart), which will probably be over the heads of young readers.

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So what? This was a delightful, light story that will nevertheless leave readers of all ages pondering issues such as corporate greed, destructive environmental practices (even when they're NIMBY), animal rights (sapient and otherwise), gun rights, and capital punishment.

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Little Fuzzy is one of those rare books that I thought should have been twice as long as it is. 7½ Stars.

Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace

1996; 981 pages (plus another 96 pages of notes). New Author? : Yes. Genre : Modern Literature. Laurels : Time Magazine calls it one of the 100 best English-language novels since 1923. Overall Rating : 8*/10..
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Infinite Jest takes place in a slightly-alternate universe and slightly in the future. Most of the book is set in the greater Boston area - either at a teen Tennis Academy, or the halfway house for recovering addicts just down the hill therefrom..
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The main protagonist is one Hal Incandenza, an 18-year-old tennis prodigy; and we follow his whole family and a bunch more characters from the two aforementioned institutions, plus a pair of Quebecois terrorists (or are they double agents?) who for most of the book are in the desert night, just outside Tucson.
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Let's get the negatives out of the way first. Infinite Jest is bodaciously long; with a nebulous plot and a random ending point. It's hard to keep track of all the characters, and the storyline is non-linear. The writing style is atrocious. The book is over-cluttered with acronyms and profusely wordy. One run-on sentence runs a full five pages. Countless sentences begin with phrases like : "But yes so", "But and so", "Plus then", "And so but", etc. The 367 notes, all hundred pages of them, are a PITA, but sometimes whole chapters are hidden in them. For the record, I skipped most of the notes, and was (presumably) none the worse for it.
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And so yet...
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What's To Like...
Infinite Jest is a wonderful exposition on American culture. The teenage tennis phenoms are under mind-boggling pressure and treated like show dogs. There is a whole sub-culture of drug addicts (recovering and otherwise), crooks, and other assorted low-life. The Incandenza family is impressively dysfunctional.
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Northern New England is turned into a giant toxic dump, and canisters of waste are catapulted into it, with giant fans blowing the noxious fumes into Canada. For that matter, all of North America in now a single country, the USA having coerced Mexico and Canada into being weak sisters in the union. The government has long since gone broke and among other things now sells naming rights of individual years to corporations. For example, this year is called The Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment ("YDAU").
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There are a slew of existential episodes to enjoy. The Quebec terrorists are all in wheelchairs and use giant mirrors to sabotage nighttime motorists. The academy kids play a great game called "Eschaton" which is like the board-game Risk played on multiple tennis courts. There is a "Cult of the Veil" which both men and women can join.
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All the characters are 3-D, complex, and "gray". I found reading the Wikipedia entry on Infinite Jest beforehand helped me grasp how the seemingly unrelated plotlines tied together.
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Kewlest Word...
Koan : a paradoxical anecdote or riddle which defies logical reasoning.
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Excerpts...
In the eighth American educational grade, Bruce Green fell dreadfully in love with a classmate who had the unlikely name of Mildred Bonk. The name was unlikely because if ever an eighth-grader looked like a Daphne Christianson or a Kimberly St.-Simone or something like that, it was Mildred Bonk. She was the kind of fatally pretty and nubile wraithlike figure who glides through the sweaty junior-high corridors of every nocturnal emitters's dreamscape. (pg. 38).
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"So tonight to shush you how about if I say I have administrative bones to pick with God, Boo. I'll say God seems to have a kind of laid-back management style I'm not crazy about. I'm pretty much anti-death. God looks by all accounts to be pro-death. I'm not seeing how we can get together on this issue, he an I, Boo." (pg. 40)
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"Katherine, I will tell you a story about feeling so bad and saving a life. I do not know you but we are drunk together now, and will you hear this story?"
"It's not about Hitting Bottom ingesting any sort of Substance and trying to Surrender, is it?"
"My people, we do not hit the bottoms of women. I am, shall we say, Swiss." (pg. 776)
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Poor me, Poor Me, Pour Me A Drink. (pg. 839)
Life is like tennis; those who serve best usually win. (pg. 952)
At its core, Infinite Jest is a work of Modern Absurdism. The terrorists are absurd; the addicts are absurd; the tennis prodigies are absurd; the dysfunctional Incandenza's are absurd (papa I. commits suicide by nuking his head in a microwave). And like any piece of existential literature, the storyline is subsumed in the pointlessness of the lives of the characters.
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In that respect, it is a masterpiece. Yes, it's a slow, difficult read, but I kept coming back for more. It took me just over a month to read Infinite Jest, but IMHO it was a worthwhile trek. 8 Stars.

A Letter Of Mary - Laurie R. King

1996; 315 pages. Genre : Mystery. Sub-Genre : Sherlock Holmes. Book #3 in the "Mary Russell" series. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 5*/10.

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The third book in this series finds Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes now married and still sleuthing. A Letter Of Mary opens with a cantankerous lady archaeologist paying a visit to get their opinion of an ancient papyrus scroll that seems to have been written by Mary Magdalene. That would seem to be an obvious hoax, until someone murders the archaeologist and ransacks the Holmes/Russell abode in an apparent search for the scroll.

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What's To Like...

Mycroft Holmes is back, as is Inspector Lestrade. Russell and Holmes make for a fascinating couple. Particularly Mary, who is an anachronistic feminist. Some people were put off by this, but I thought it was a unique and worthy twist. Plus, Mary is left-handed, a sure sign of genius.

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The descriptions of 1923 London are neat, and some obscure tidbits of historical trivia are sprinkled throughout. For example, I got to learn about Abishag and Shunammism. Thank you, Wikipedia! The wit runs the length of the story and is quite entertaining.

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In the end however, any book that name-drops Sherlock Holmes will inevitably be compared to Arthur Conan Doyle's works, and in that respect, ALOM falls flat. There are very few Holmesian feats of observation, and when the breakthrough finally comes, it feels like an arbitrary turn of events. Far too many pages are filled with dead-ends (although I suppose you could claim they were red herrings), and the titular letter has almost nothing to do with the story.

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Kewl New Word...

Tutrix : a female tutor. (is that a kewl word, or what?! and I've changed the format of this section - from now on it will be one KNW per book, max.)

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Excerpts...

"Shall we see her?"

"We? My dear Russell, I am the husband of an emancipated woman who, although she may not yet vote in an election, is at least allowed to see her own friends without male chaperonage.:

"Don't be an ass, Holmes. She obviously wants to see both of us..." (pg. 7)

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Actually, I am not against the killing of foxes, being a farmer myself and having lost numerous poultry to them over the years. What I dislike is the unnecessary glorification of bloodthirstiness. We no longer execute our criminals with the prolonged agony of stoning or torture, and I cannot see why we should grant a wild creature any less dignity. (pg. 210-211)

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Cor, stone the crows, as my granfa' used to say..." (pg. 186)

This is the second book I've read from this series (the other one is reviewed here), and both left me muttering "meh". I almost think Laurie King would've been better off developing Mary Russell as a free-standing character. The feminist and theological angles could be more fully addressed, without being overshadowed by the unavoidable and distracting comparison to Conan Doyle's stories.

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OTOH, with some additional effort, A Letter Of Mary really could've been a fine Sherlock Holmes tale. Add in some more Holmesian deductions, tie in all the tangents, make the breakthrough a "Cold Case" type clue that would be easily overlooked at first glance, and give the purported ancient letter some relevance, even if it turns out to be a forgery. Arthur Conan Doyle would have done as much. 5 Stars.

Grunts - Mary Gentle

1992; 480 pages. Genre : High Fantasy; Parody. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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Sing along now. "Orcs! HUNH! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing!"

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Well not quite. They're good for cannon-fodder in Good-vs.-Evil battles. A bunch of big, hybrid, stupid, mean-tempered hamburger meat for elves, dwarves, and other good guys to use for target practice. Exceedingly expendable. Expected to last for one battle only.

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But what if orcs got tired of all that? What if circumstances turned them into a squad of highly-trained US marines, with AK-47's, bazookas, stealth jets, and tanks? How would they then fare against the Forces of Light? That's what Mary Gentle examines in Grunts!

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What's To Like...

Grunts! takes a playful poke at all those epic fantasies we've read, enjoyed, and gotten tired of for having the same old plotline. There are elves and halflings, Aes Sedai, and secret "finger-talking" (from - I think - some David Eddings series that I now only vaguely recall). There's a dragon to be slain, mages with spells, and even a Balrog and a Gandalf knock-off.

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But things aren't as usual. The elves are bigoted; the orcs are tired of gettng killed; and the halflings are positively nasty. The Evil Lord wants to win - but via the electoral process.

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To me, Grunts! had the feel like a well-run D&D quest or a Warhammer campaign. There was lots of action, a goodly amount of humor, and enough twists to keep you wondering which sacred cow Ms. Gentle would slay next. But keep in mind that war in general, and orcs in particular, are brutal and merciless. The language is coarse, and the violence is profuse and graphic. This is not a book for the kiddies.

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Excerpts...

The orc encampment steamed gently in the sunshine.

Barashkukor, leaning scabby elbows on the parapet of the Nin-Edin fort, gazed down from the mountainside at a wilderness only the vultures could love. He tilted his dented helmet back on his head. "So what do you get if you cut the legs off a warrior?"

Marukka gave a baritone chuckle, waving her jagged sword in the air for emphasis. "A low-down bum!" (pg. 16)

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"You don't like elves, do you, orc - I mean, gunnery Sergeant?"

"Me?" The orc grinned and shrugged, massive shoulders rising almost to her pricked ears. "Man, I just love elf! You can't beat roast and basted elf-haunch. Unless it's breast-of-elf with chilli peppers." (pg. 243)

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The Dark Lord surveyed the benches to left and right of the Throne. Her delicate profile turned to Ashnak. "Shall I preside well, do you think, little orc? This power has been so long in the achieving, I think I have forgotten what it was I would do with it."

"Buck up, Ma'am!" Ashnak removed his forage cap, coming solidly to attention. "You just do what every other Ruler of the World's done and You'll be all right - reward a few, hang a few, and tax everything that moves." (pgs. 448-449)

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A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to stay out of a firefight. (pg. 322)

My impression is that this was not a serious literary effort by Mary Gentle. The plot is a tad disjointed - the orc-transformation is glossed over, and a human from our dimension gets sucked into the story for little discernible reason. A little bit of re-write might've tightenend things up considerably.

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But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy Grunts! It entertained me throughout, as the Ash series is likewise doing. It is not for the prudish or those who deem Tolkien to be sacrosanct. But if you loved those "off-beat" D&D quests, or just want to see the Orcs come out on the winning side for once, Grunts! is for you. 7½ Stars.

Grendel - John Gardner

1971; 174 pages. New Author? : Yes. Genre : Contemporary Fiction. Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

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This is John Gardner's retelling of the classic epic, Beowulf; save that this time, it is told from the Beast's POV. The author assumes you're familiar with the story; if you aren't, here's the link to Wiki article on it.

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What's To Like...

This is a meticulously structured novel. Each chapter has a different motif. Indeed, according to Wiki's article on the book here, each chapter corresponds to a different house of the Zodiac. Grendel ponders a lot of different "isms" - nihilism, existentialism, solipsism, fatalism. It's fun to see how Gardner weaves all of these into the story.

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Although the story is told from Grendel's POV, Gardner doesn't try to rehabilitate him. Grendel is still a monster, and his thoughts and deeds are often monstrous. It's neat to see how he rationalizes his actions. But keep in mind that the book therefore has some violence, adult situations, and coarse language.

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My favorite parts of the book were two extended conversations Grendel has. The first is with the Dragon; the second with a blind priest. There also is a subtle flow of humor throughout the book, which nevertheless blends nicely with the beastly goings-on.

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Alas, while the philosophizing is cool, the story-telling is not. There's no suspense, since you already know the ending; and Beowulf doesn't show up until there's only 25 pages to go. The "ism"-musings seem to overwhlem the plotline, so those who need a tale to be told (and that would include me), may find this a dry read in places.

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Excerpts...

I understood that, finally and absolutely, I alone exist. All the rest, I saw, is merely what pushes me, or what I push againt, blindly - as blindly as all that is not myself pushes back. I create the whole universe blink by blink. (pg. 22; and a good example of how Gardner introduces an "ism")

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From now on I'd stay clear of them (the humans). It was one thing to eat one from time to time - that was only natural: kept them from overpopulating, maybe starving to death come winter - but it was another thing to scare them, give them heart attacks, fill their nights with nightmares, just for sport. (pg. 60-61)

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"The gods made this world for our joy!" the young priest squeals. The people listen to him dutifully, heads bowed. It does not impress them, one way or the other, that he's crazy. (pg. 138)

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I have eaten several priests. They sit on the stomach like duck eggs. (pg. 129)

Grendel is a lot like Wicked, but predates it. Maybe Greg Maguire read this, saw its shortcomings, and figured out how to improve the alternate-POV technique. Some reviewers say Grendel is a lot better the second or third time you read it, but life's too short to re-read books.

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So read it for the philosophical discourses, and not for the storyline. That way it's a good book, and you only have to go through it once. 5½ Stars.

Voyage to the Red Planet - Terry Bisson

1990; 236 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Sci-Fi; Sub-Genre : Space Opera. Overall Rating : 6½*/10.

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The book's title says it all - a hardy little troupe of spacefarers blast off on the good ship Mary Poppins, with the goal of becoming the first earthlings to set foot on Mars. But they aren't astronauts (NASA's been sold to the private commercial conglomerate, Chase-Gillette); they're going to Mars to shoot a movie.

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What's To Like...

Yet again, Terry Bisson creates a fascinating universe and lets you spend some time there. The USA has just come out of a major depression, and the government has had to sell most of its assets - including the National Parks Department, the US Navy, and NASA. In industry, mergers are the key to survival, and it makes for some strange-but-powerful bedfellows. There is a rumor that Disney-Gerber wants to buy the United Nations.

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There is a curious blend of "hard" and "soft" science-fiction here. On one hand, Bisson correctly accounts for time delays due to the huge distances in the solar system. A phone message takes 15 minutes to relay; and the crew of the Mary Poppins goes into hibernation to slow down the aging involved in a several-year trip to Mars.

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OTOH, Mars is made out to be a rather temperate planet, with enough oxygen in its atmosphere to allow our heroes to take off their space helmets for short periods of time. Uh-uh. I don't think so.

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The storyline is okay. Things don't go as planned (naturally); some amazing things are discovered on Mars; and there's even a "too many folks in the lifeboat" dilemma to be resolved.

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Excerpts...

"Kirov?" It was Markson again.

"She's, uh" - Kirov was shaking her head and waving her hands - "consulting with Ranger Johnson, the station chief," Jeffries said.

"Then Bass."

"He's consulting with them." Bass was shaking his head.

"Then Jeffries."

"Speaking, dammit."

"Good. You're just the man I wanted to talk to." (pg. 48)

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"I can't imagine what it was like in those days," Greetings said. "The government doing everything for you. Building streets, delivering mail; how did people develop any initiative at all? They must have been like robots."

"Wasn't all that bad," said Jeffries as he passed through on his way to the bridge. (pg. 107)

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Gravity is the enemy of every boy. (Ray Bradbury)

Voyage to the Red Planet has some weaknesses. The pacing is poor - more than half the book is done before we land on Mars; and there are some major loose ends left unresolved. This screams either for a sequel or a better editor.

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But those weaknesses are more than offset by the underlying humor, the neat cast of characters, and most of all, the fabulous world laid out for you. You don't read Bisson novels for their storylines; you read them for their settings.

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I enjoyed VTTRP, but if you've never read anything by Terry Bisson, this is probably not the book to start with. 6½ Stars.

Maskerade - Terry Pratchett

1995; 358 pages. Genre : Comedic Fantasy. #18 in the DiscWorld series. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Maskerade is Terry Pratchett's tribute to opera in general, and to Phantom of the Opera in particular. Agnes Nitt comes to the Ankh-Morpork Opera House to make her musical mark, armed with a rich, full voice and a poorer, fuller body.

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Alas, dead bodies are dropping all around the opera house like ...well... dead bodies. And there's a ghost wafting around, wearing a white mask. Could these things possibly be inter-connected? Hmmm.

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What's To Like...

The DiscWorld witches have starring roles here, and some feel they are Pratchett's strongest characters. The Librarian (ook!) also has a major presence. There's a one-eyed mongrel tomcat named Greebo, whom I had never met before. And because of the bodies, DEATH shows up a number of times.

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The humor is less yuk-yuks and more topical. I was left wondering what Pratchett's personal opinion of opera really is. He lampoons it a lot, but he's also well-versed on the subject. Maskerade is also a well-crafted whodunit, once again showing off Pratchett's versatility.

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Finally, there's a recurring philosophical question by which Granny Weatherwax evaluates a person's mental faculties : "If your house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd try to take out?" Think before you answer.

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Excerpts...

"Says here that Dame Timpani, who sings the part of Quizella, is a diva," said Nanny. "So I reckon this is like a part-time job, then. Prob'ly quite a good idea, on account of you'd have to be able to hold your breath. Good trainin' for the singin'." (pg. 147)

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The Ghost danced along the edge of the balcony, scattering hats and opera glasses. The audience watched in astonishment, and then began to clap. They couldn't quite see how it fitted into the plot of the opera - but this was an opera, after all. (pg. 273)

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You needed at least three witches for a coven. Two witches was just an argument. (pg. 13)

Although #18 in the series, this would be a good starting book for readers new to DiscWorld. Some reviewers feel Maskerade isn't funny enough, but it's probably hard to do a joke-a-minute when the main themes are serial killings, mystery, and opera. The storyline kept my attention, and I'm really not a fan of musicals at all.

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Overall then, Maskerade is a well-constructed and well-paced, and was sufficiently humorous for me. A solid effort by Terry Pratchett. 8 Stars.

Perdido Street Station - China Miéville

2000; 710 pages. Genre : Steampunk Horror. Laurels : 2001 Arthur C. Clarke Award; 2001 British Fantasy Award, just to name a few. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

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Welcome to New Crobuzon, a huge, dark, steampunk city-state that bears an eerie resemblance to a post-holocaust London. It hosts a variety of weird satient species, and is run by a semi-repressive government.

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Isaac Dan der Grimnebulin is a geeky tinkerer who is visited one day by a garuda. Garudas are birdmen, but this one has had his wings savagely ripped from him as punishment for an unspecified crime. His plea to Isaac : "Make me fly again."

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What's To Like...

Perdido Street Station is a dark, complex saga with three major plotlines; the main one of which doesn't get started until around page 200. They all get resolved, although not simultaneously, and perhaps not in the way you would anticipate.

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What really shines here, though, is the world (called "Bas-Lag") that Miéville convincingly paints. You can "see" the various species that inhabit Bas-Lag (and there are a bunch of them), and you can touch and taste the dark, the grit, and the grime of New Crobuzon.

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The individual characters are 3-D and lushly detailed. Miéville spins the horror tale with a deft touch. One of the plotlines is an inter-species love story. There is a sprinkling of dark humor, as well as a bit of Miéville's insightful social and political views.

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Excerpts...

Lin got half to her feet, her headlegs bristling with astonishment and terror. She gazed at him.

Scraps of skin and fur and feathers swung as he moved; tiny limbs clutched; eyes rolled from obscure niches; antlers and protusions of bone jutted precariously; feelers twitched and mouths glistened. Many-coloured skeins of skin collided. A cloven hoof thumped gently against the wood floor. Tides of flesh washed against each other in violent currents. Muscles tethered by alien tendons to alien bones worked together in uneasy truce, in slow, tense motion. Scales gleamed. Fins quivered. Wings fluttered brokenly. Insect claws folded and unfolded. (...)

Mr. Motley paced towards her like a hunter.

"So," he said, from one of the grinning human mouths. "Which do you think is my best side?" (pg. 42)

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I will hear the sounds of Perrick violining or the Gnurr Kett funeral dirge or a Chet stone-riddle, or I will smell the goat porridge they eat in Neovadan or see a doorway painted with the symbols of a Cobsea printer-captain... A long, long way from their homes. Homeless. Home. All around me will be New Crobuzon, seeping through my skin. (pg. 506)

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"I do not know where I will be, Grimnebulin. I shun this city. It hunts me." (pg. 50)

Perdido Street Station is not for everyone. The descriptiveness is superb, but often lengthy, and it sometimes overshadows the story itself. 700+ pages may be too long for some readers. You could probably cull a couple hundred pages from this novel and still tell the story. But then you'd miss the vividness and the detail, and IMHO, that would be a serious loss.
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In a world of copycat writers, China Miéville goes his own literary way. Perdido Street Station was my third Miéville book (see here and here for the other two), and I've enjoyed them all. 8½ Stars.

Inherit The Stars - James P. Hogan

1977; 216 pages. Book #1 in the "Giants" series. Genre : Science Fiction. New Author? : Yes. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Inherit The Stars is set 50 years in the future. We have space stations on the moon and Mars, and are just beginning to establish outposts on the moons of Jupiter.

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Imagine our surprise then, when the skeletal remains of an astronaut are found in a small cave on the moon. (See the cover to the left.) Imagine our further surprise when carbon-dating reveals the remains, nicknamed Charlie, are 50,000 years old.

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What's To Like...

ITS was James Hogan's debut novel, and is a fine example of his "hard" science fiction. That is - although he invents a few technological innovations such as (slightly) faster space travel and nucleonic weapons - you'll find neither Death Stars and Wookies, nor Transporters and Vulcan Mind Melds here.

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Instead, Hogan asks : What if we actually found a 50,000 year-old astronaut (albeit, dead) on the moon today? In our real world, how would it challenge our historical assumptions? How would we go about investigating the discovery? How would we develop a new anthropological theory to accommodate the find?

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There's an interesting relationship between the protagonist, Dr. Victor Hunt, and one Dr. Christian Danchekker, who comes up with a very different explanation for Charlie. The potential intellectual rivalry is swallowed up by the scientific discussions the two have, which causes both of them to modify their hypotheses. The result is a constantly-evolving "best fit" theory, spurred both by their dialogues and the always-growing scientific test results.

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Kewl New Words...

Graunch : to make a crunching or grinding sound. In this case, a door "graunched open".

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Excerpts...

Hunt had been born in New Cross, the shabby end of East London, south of the river. His father had spent most of his life on strike or in the pub on the corner of the street debating grievances worth going on strike for. When he ran out of money and grievances, he worked on the docks at Deptford. Victor's mother worked in a bottle factory all day to make the money she lost playing bingo all evening. (pg. 24)

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"There has to be some way of reconstructing what the surface used to look like."

"Did you ever try reconstructing a cow from a truckload of hamburger?" (pg. 100)

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"The Lunarians were the last word in progmatism - they had no time for romanticism, religion, matters of the spirit, or anything like that. In the situation they were in, the only people who could help them were themselves, and they knew it. They couldn't afford the luxury and the delusion of inventing gods, heroes, and Father Christmases to work their problems out for them." (pg. 171)

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And so, gentlemen, we inherit the stars. Let us go out, then, and claim our inheritance." (pg. 212).

James P. Hogan paints a convincing picture of our world 50 years in the future. In a way, Inherit The Stars reminds me of the movie 2001 - A Space Odyssey. There's not a lot of action, but you get a lot of things to think about and a realistic storyline.

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If science and technology aren't your cup of tea, you may find some slow spots in ITS. But I'm a chemist, and I found it to be fascinating from start to finish. 8 Stars.

Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way - Charles Bukowski

2003; 395 pages. Genre : Contemporary Poetry. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

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Sifting Through The Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way is a collection of poems by Charles Bukowski published posthumously. Buk died in 1994 and ANAICT, this is the 6th such compendium of his unpublished works to come out after he passed away. As such, my fear was that the pickings by now were getting rather slim.

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What's To Like...

I shouldn't've worried. There's lots of good stuff here, albeit along with some dross. And at $15 (new) for 400 pages, it was better-priced than most of the Bukowski poetry books I've seen.

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All of Bukowski's pet topics are present - his love for booze, the unfathomableness of women, the struggle to be a writer, his hatred for his father, and his passion for betting on the horses. Since a lot of these poems were penned in his last few years, old age and death are also repeating themes.

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But the plethora of poems also allows Bukowski to address other subjects. There is a fabulous piece on Classical Music, the Chinese poet Li Po shows up twice, and even Country Joe & The Fish makes an appearance.

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A lot of the poems are simply Bukowski's reflections on various incidents happening around him. A conversation at the next table in a restaurant, an actor stopping by to say hello, going to the movies as a kid (he preferred Buck Rogers to Ginger Rogers), the challenge of replacing his beloved manual typewriter with a word processor. Of course, we all have such experiences, but only a talented writer can make his anecdotes interesting to others.

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Excerpts...

my neighbor gives me the key to his house

when he goes on vacation.

I feed his cats

water his flowers and his

lawn.

I place his mail in a neat stack

on his dining room table.

am I the same man who planned to

blow up the city of Los Angeles

15 years ago? (pg. 32)

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I took another bus to New Orleans.

I had a portable typewriter with me.

that's all that I needed

to prove I was a genius.

that, and another

35 years. (pg. 233)

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we must be patient with the gods.

they like to have fun,

they like to play with us.

they like to test us.

they like to tell us that we are weak

and stupid, that we are

finished.

the gods need to be amused.

we are their toys. (pg. 390)

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November creeps in on all fours like a leper. (pg. 330)

I prefer Bukowski's poetry to his short stories and his quasi-autobiographical novels. The former are too lewd (although it has to be remembered they were written for sex magazines). And although Ham On Rye is excellent, Women and Factotum were quite meh. It's in his prose that Bukowski's creativity and keen insight emerge. Lucky for me, that's the genre that the bulk of his books are. 7 Stars.

Hammerhead Ranch Motel - Tim Dorsey

2000; 354 pages. Sequel to Florida Roadkill, reviewed here. Genre : Crime humor; Florida noire. New author? : No. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Welcome to Hammerhead Ranch Motel, where each of the 14 rooms has a tale to tell. Really. Their stories are given on pages 58-61.

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Serge A. Storms also has a story to tell. But it might be a bit incoherent, since he's off his meds again. It's about a suitcase with 5 million dollars in laundered drug money in it, hopping around from owner to owner like a restless bedbug. Those who have it now don't know it; those who do manage to snatch it can't seem to hold onto it. It's almost as if the money is cursed.

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What's To Like...

The $5Mil is the core story, but this is more about Tim Dorsey introducing you to a slew of oddball characters in diverse situations and various Florida locations. As you read Hammerhead Ranch Motel, you'll wonder how Dorsey is going to be able to tie them all together by the end of the book, but he accomplishes this quite niftily.

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The humor had me LOL, and Serge's trove of Florida historical trivia was facinating, even though I don't live there. And what a cast of supporting characters!

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There's playboy Johnny Vegas, an involuntary virgin whose meticulous plans for sex keep getting trumped by acts of God. There's City and Country, a Thelma-&-Louise knock-off whose introduction to pot leads them to conclude that the greatest rock-&-roll band ever was ABBA. There's Edna Ploomfield, a pistol-packing geezerette who blows away drug hitmen like they were ducks in a pond. And at least another dozen equally kooky Floridians to meet. There's no Coleman, but his place is taken by a stoner named Lenny.

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The downsides are few. It's a sequel, but there's no backstory; so it's best to read Florida Roadkill first. If you're uncomfortable with a psychopathic hero whose forte is innovative slayings, you should probably give this a pass. Ditto if literary sex and drugs are not your cup of tea.

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Kewl New Words...

Jalousie : a window shutter (in this case, in a door) constructed from angled slats of wood or plastic. Terrazzo : a highly-polished mosaic flooring made from small chips of marble or granite set in mortar.

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Excerpts...

Flag turned to face Zargoza. "Why am I getting subpoenaed?"

"Because you're a toad!" said Zargoza, suddenly raising his voice. "And not just your regular happy garden toad, but one of those lumpy, putrescent amphibilous tumors you find under a bunch of rotted lumber in a ditch next to a closed-down industrial plant ... How's Marge and the kids?"

"They're fine, Z ... but I'm worried..."

"Take a chill pill," said Zargoza. "It'll blow over." (pg. 71)

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"I taught my Rottweiler Chinese," the Miami man ahead of them at the cash register told his friend.

"Get outta here."

"No lie. You know how everyone in Dade is buying vicious dogs because of crime? I read where burglars are giving the dogs commands, because everyone uses the same ones - sit, stay, heel - and houses are cleaned out while expensive pit bulls and German shepherds stand there stupid."

"Why Chinese?"

"Can't use Spanish. Half the burglars in Miami are bilingual."

"How do you say sit in Chinese?"

"I'm not gonna tell you!" (pg. 110)

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Doesn't anyone sell cocaine these days? I mean, besides undercover cops? (pg. 63)

For all the mayhem, Hammerhead Ranch Motel is a remarkably tightly-composed story - far better than Florida Roadkill. It was a light, entertaining read; and all the characters - whether good, bad, and/or idiotic - were fun to meet and follow. Who cares about the 5 million? 8 Stars.

Towers Of Midnight - Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson

2010; 843 pages. Book #13 of the Wheel Of Time ("WoT") series. Genre : Epic Fantasy. New Author(s)? : No. Overall Raitng : 9½*/10.

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The Last Battle looms. Trollocs, Draghkar, and Myrddraal swarm south out of The Blight; and the Dark One is all but free from his prison. Meanwhile, Rand Al'Thor (the Dragon Reborn) and his closest associates - Perrin, Mat, Elayne, Egwene, and Nynaeve - attempt to rally the human kingdoms, who unfortunately at times seem more intent on fighting each other than the hordes of Evil.

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The Pattern in unraveling and for the first time ever, it seems possible that the Wheel Of Time will come to a halt.

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What's To Like...

This is the penultimate book in the series, and a lot of the threads in Jordan's far-flung universe are finally converging. That means there is plenty of action, and lots of progress in the plotlines.

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All the favorites are here (except Loial and the Ogiers. WTF ever happened to them?), including one or two that have been MIA for a while. But the bulk of the book focuses on Perrin and Mat as they make their way towards each other and towards Rand.

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For those of you who are less "plot-driven", there is still oodles of attention paid to the characters themselves and the detailed minutiae of their lives. The "handing-off" from the late Robert Jordan to Brandon Sanderson is IMHO seamless. Indeed, I'd go as far as to say that Sanderson has rescued the series. Based on Books 6 thru 10, I have a hard time believing Jordan would be capable of making as disciplined an effort to bring the series to a close.

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Kewl New Words...

Just one, and I can't find a plausible definition for it. Con (noun) : as in, "They wore con rising over their backs." (pg. 758). Maybe it's a made-up word.

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Excerpts...

Amys eyes narrowed. "You have grown much since we last met, Egwene al'Vere."

That sent a thrill through Egwene. "I had much need to grow. My life has been difficult of late."

"When confronted by a collapsed roof," Bair said, "some will begin to haul away the refuse, becoming stronger for the process. Others will go to visit their brother's hold and drink his water." (pg. 202)

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They entered the inn, known as The Grand Hike, which was crowded beyond usual because of the rain. The innkeeper was a friend of Birgitte's, however, and he had the bouncer toss out a drunkard sleeping in one of the booths to make room for her.

She tossed him a coin in thanks, and he nodded his ugly head to her - he was missing several teeth, one eye, and most of his hair. Best-looking man in the place. (pg. 357-58)

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"I haven't yet asked what Matrim meant by calling himself a married man in his letter. I expect a full report! No expurgations!" She eyed Mat, smiling slyly. "Expurgation means 'parts cut out', Mat. In case you weren't bloody aware."

He put his hat on. "I knew that." What had that word been again? Expirations? (pg. 295)

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Death is lighter than a feather. Duty is heavier than a mountain. (pg. 641)

I found Towers Of Midnight to be a complete treat. A number of long-standing threads get resolved, and the book ends with enough cliff-hangers and tension to give the WoT world a migraine.

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The only readers who might be disappointed in ToM will be those who hoped WoT would be a never-ending series. It still might. There is a hint about a time long after The Dragon Reborn comes and goes, with the Aiel and the Seanchan locked in a war of annihilation. Perhaps Sanderson can be teased into writing a sequel series.

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One note to new readers - this is not a stand-alone book. To enjoy ToM, you really need to read the first 12 books (plus the prequel), and each of those are 600-1100 pages long.

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For everyone else, the worst that can be said is that we will have to wait more than a year for the final book; and I'm still not convinced that it won't have to be split into two parts. Yet if anyone can pull it off, it's Brandon Sanderson. Good luck and godspeed to you, sir! 9½ Stars.

The Rose Rent - Ellis Peters

1986; 198 pages. Book #13 in the 'Brother Cadfael' series. New Author? : No. Genre : Mystery (Cozy). Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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For the price of one rose per year; young, wealthy, pretty, moneyed Judith Perle rents one of her houses to Brother Cadfael's abbey. But it must be cut from the bush alongside the house, and must be delivered on a certain day.

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Alas, someone has murdered the brother whose job it was to deliver the flower each year. And they've hacked the rosebush to pieces. Who would want to upset this arrangement?

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What's To Like...

As usual for an Ellis Peters book, there are likeable characters, a love story by-plot, and some fantastic historical fiction. The story takes place along the English-Welsh border in 1142 AD, which is a kewl setting. But first and foremost, it's a whodunit. You travel with Brother Cadfael (and sheriff Hugh Beringar) as they search for answers, whilst limited to 12th-century technology. And everyone you meet seems to be a suspect.

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This is a "cozy" mystery, so there is very little blood and/or onstage violence. Still, the story flows nicely, although it is not a fast read, since Ms. Peters weaves a lot of medieval terminology into it.

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Kewl New Words...

Horarium : the daily schedule of those living in a religious community. Demesne : manorial land retained for the private use of a feudal lord. Caput : the central manor in an agricultural estate. Cantrip : a mischievous trick. Lambent : flickering lightly over or on a surface. Chatelaine : the mistress of a castle or other feudal estate. Assize : a session in court.

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Excerpt...

"Father, what more should I do for the cleansing of my soul?" ventured Eluric, quivering to the last subsiding tremors of guilt.

"Penance may well be salutary for you," admitted the abbot somewhat wearily. "But beware of making extravagant claims even upon punishment. You are far from a saint - so are we all - but neither are you a notable sinner; nor, my child, will you ever be." (pg. 25)

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A Rose Rent is not the same as a Rent Rose.

For some reason, I thought the title meant 'a torn rose', not 'a rose as payment for living in a house'. Ah, English! You are an ambiguous tongue.

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Ultimately, The Rose Rent should be rated on its merits as a whodunit. You'd think a short (less than 200 pages) formulaic mystery would mean the perpetrator(s) will be either pretty obvious or a random selection, but Ellis Peters keeps you constantly changing your prime suspect. And for a cozy, there is still lots of action.

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There is a logical ending to The Rose Rent, and of course, true love also triumphs. There's nothing epic about a Brother Cadfael tale, but I enjoyed both the mystery and the historical fiction facets of this book. 7½ Stars.

Carthage Ascendant - Mary Gentle

2000; 422 pages. #2 in the "Book of Ash" series. New Author? : No. Genre : Alt-History; Historical Fantasy. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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It is August 1476, and the Visigoth armies of Carthage are overwhelming Europe. Burgundy stands defiant (and virtually alone) against their leader, known as The Faris, who gets her unbeatable battle tactics from a computer back in Carthage. Ash wants to lead a raid there, but is turned down.

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Ah, but be careful what you wish for. Because the Visigoths capture Ash, and take her to Carthage. Convenient, eh? Not if you're a condemned prisoner with only two days to live. And it will be Death-by-Vivisection, no less.

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What's To Like...

It's Carthage, and they're kicking tush. Hamilcar likes that. So what if they're the bad guys? As with the first book (see review here), Mary Gentle's descriptions of the battles, the cities, and everyday 15th-century life are realistic and vividly detailed.

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Ash's scoudrel husband again shows up, and seems to be turning from black to gray. Ash herself is evolving too. Always the conquering hero in the past, she now finds herself "on the other foot", vanquished and doomed.

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As with the first book, there are dual storylines, and as before, this is an R-Rated book; definitely not one for the Alt-History-loving kiddies. Also, this is not a stand-alone book, although the author does give a 1-page backstory at the start.

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Kewl New Words...

Asperity : something hard to endure. Heirophantic (sic) : relating to the position of chief priest. Liminal : barely perceptible. (I guess I cooda figured that out from 'subliminal'). Voluble : marked by a ready flow of speech.

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Excerpts...

"Why is it," Ash said under her breath, "that when the brown and sticky hits the fan, I'm always standing real close by?"

Thomas Rochester shrugged. "Just lucky, boss, I guess..." (pg. 52)

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As I have written elsewhere, it is my contention now that the Burgundy of which the 'Ash' biographers tell us did not vanish. It became transformed. The mountainous landscape of the past shifted, and when the earthquake was done, the nameless fragments of her story had alighted in other, different places - in the story of Joan of Arc; of Bosworth Field; the legends of Arthurian chivalry, and the travail of the Chapel Perilous. She has become myth, and Burgundy with her; and yet, these faint traces remain. (pg. 332)

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Carthage, ancient city, victor over the Romans... (pg. 399)

Carthage Ascendant is well-written, and has lots of action, but not much progress. The total time that passes is less than a month. It does give you a lot of answers as to how the stone golems and computer-like machine came to be, and why the Visigoths are resolved to conquer the world.

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There is no real conclusion at the end of the book. In fairness, Mary Gentle never wanted this to be a 4-book series. In the UK, it is a single-volume 1120-page opus. Wowza.

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Despite being a "middle book", Carthage Ascendant maintained my interest, so 7½ stars. Nevertheless, I am glad I'm reading this saga in 400-page chunks instead of all at once. The downside is that, although Book #3 is on my TBR shelf, I've yet to locate the grand finale, Book #4.

Necrophenia - Robert Rankin

2008; 393 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Fiction; Humor. Overall Raitng : 8½*/10.

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Tyler and his high school chums want to be rock-&-roll stars. But they are penniless and are thus reduced to using school-owned ukuleles. The enigmatic Mr. Ishmael will supply them with proper instruments, but that comes at a price - a contract, signed in blood. Could Mr. Ishmael possibly have an ulterior motive? Ya think?

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What's To Like...

The storyline gallops along nicely. There are 75 chapters, which averages out to about 5 pages per chapter, and each one ends with a twist or a teaser.

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Style-wise, this reminds me of a cross between DiscWorld and HHGTTG. It is both witty and surreal. The fate of the world hangs in the balance and zombies walk the streets. A slew of luminaries make cameo appearances - Mama Cass, Aleister Crowley, the ultimate ukuleleist George Formby, and super-sleuth Lazlo Woodbine, just to name a few. The Rolling Stones and Elvis are also present, and in much more than cameos. There is "talking the toot", dialoguing with the Zeitgeist, and learning the real details about Elvis's death.

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Kewl New Words...

Fundament : the buttocks; the posterior (which makes a 'fundamentalist' a...). Pouffe : a thick cushion used as a seat. Debouched : something (usually water) flowing out from a narrow opening. Knees-Up : a party; a celebration (British). Remit (noun) : an area of authority or responsibility. Plimsoll : (British) a rubber-soled cloth shoe (similar to a sneaker).

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Excerpts...

"Taylor," he said to me as he ushered me into the visitors' chair, which stood, with three inches cut from its legs, before his desk.

"Tyler," I corrected him.

"Tyler," said the headmaster. "Yes, that's as good of an occupation as any for a lad such as yourself."

"My name is Tyler, sir," said I.

"Then how apt," said he. "And good luck with it, too." (pgs. 48-49)

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The snow dropped like dandruff from the Holy Head of God.

In my business, which is one of private detection, you see these cosmic similes all the time. You have to keep in touch with your spiritual side, never forgetting that every next step could be your last and a watched boil never pops. (pg. 192)

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"Just wait until I tell the guys at the tennis club."

"Tennis club?" I said. "You?"

"I'll have you know that I do own a tennis club," said Fangio.

"Own a tennis club?"

"Certainly. It's a thing about yay-long." Fangio mimed the yayness. "Made of wood, with criss-crossed strings at the fat end."

"That's a tennis racquet," I said.

"Not the way I use it," said Fangio. (pg. 237)

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You can't squeeze salt from a billiard ball, no matter how long you soak it. (pg. 196)

This is a typical Robert Rankin novel - fun to read, an event-filled, twisty storyline, and a bunch of likeable characters to hang out with. But Rankin's real forte has always been his witty writing.

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Necrophenia is both thought-provoking and tongue-in-cheek. If you like Douglas Adams, Tom Robbins, and Terry Pratchett, you will probably enjoy Robert Rankin as well. 8½ Stars.