Scharlette Doesn't Matter and Goes Time Travelling - Sam Bowring

    2019; 333 pages.  Book 1 (out of 3) in the “Scharlette Day” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Time Travel; Humorous Science Fiction.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Talk about a boring job, Scharlette has one.  She’s an airport security clerk; that person who announces umpteen times an hour that you need to empty your pockets of all sharp and metallic items before going through the scanner.

 

    The last guy through the security check was a butthead.  He was well-dressed and acted as though that should exempt him from emptying his pockets.  Terrorists don’t dress up impeccably, he said.

 

    Now this next guy in line is an even bigger dolt.   He says he’s never gone through the security line before.  He’s wearing some kind of gadget on his wrist with lots of blinking lights, and he seems reluctant to take it off and put it in the bowl.  Sorry, bub; no exceptions.

 

    When he does finally obey the request, things get crazy.  A wormhole opens up right there in the security area, the customer yells, “Snipers!”, and heavily armored guys jump out, shooting futuristic-looking weapons at the customer.

 

    Scharlette’s job just got a lot less boring.

 

What’s To Like...

   Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling is the opening volume in Sam Bowring’s humorous Time Travel trilogy.  The story’s tone and content very much reminded me of Douglas Adams’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy opus; if you liked that one you’ll enjoy this tale as well.

 

    The protagonist, Scharlette, is a fascinating study.  Our visitors from the future have done their temporal paradox research..  Scharlette is infertile, so she won’t have any kids.  Also, none of the events in the rest of her life will have any effect on the present timeline.  So they can safely contact and interact with her and nothing important will change.  In a nutshell, Scharlette doesn’t matter.

 

    I liked the language that the space travelers use.  They’re originally from more than 10,000 years from now, and the English that they speak has evolved from ours.  So Scharlette, and the reader, have to learn futuristic vocabulary terms such as plimits, condooblences, ridiculex, batso, all kay, zicky, and blisso.

 

    The tone of the text is lighthearted.  There is a Universe that needs to be somehow saved, but meanwhile there’s still time to go trippin’ in the future on your choice of pharmaceutical compound.  There’s a mysterious book that breaks down the fourth wall, and it was fun  to learn that the extraterrestrials hold Salvador Dali great esteem.

 

    The story stops at a logical place, with several plotlines still unresolved, especially those concerning the Germs and Jenelope.  I presume those are addressed in the sequel, Scharlette Kills 99% of Germs.  Things close on a note both heartwarming and hopeful.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 1,604 ratings and 258 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.09/5 based on 1,351 ratings and 195 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You use metal detectors, mobile phones, refrigerators, yet you don’t actually know how any of them work.”

    “I guess not.”

    “If I told you to put together a video camera, you wouldn’t even be able to invent the strap.  Point is, the universe is full of people who use things without knowing how they actually work.  Why do people from the past always think people from the future understand everything?”  (50% Kindle)

 

    “What are we going to do?”

    Scharlette found it strange that he was asking, but she poked her head up over the barrier.  She zeroed in on the Germs with her enhanced senses and her head computer went to work translating.

    “Keep your sensory receptors peeled,” said a tall, many-fronded, copiously drooling horror.  “A12/65 saw many greyskin Gutbags retreat inside as we arrived, fleeing like excretal globules down a turd masher.”  (84% Kindle)

 

Kindle Details…

    The e-book edition of Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling currently sells for $3.99 at Amazon.  The other two books in the trilogy cost $4.99 apiece.  Sam Bowring has seven other e-books for your Kindle, ranging in price from $2.99 to $4.99.

 

“You couldn’t knock a flimswaggle off a zhog’s back if it was standing right in front of you.”  (15% Kindle)

    There’s only a light amount of profanity in Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling. I noted just 8 cusswords in the first 20%, two of which were f-bombs.  There are a couple of rolls-in-the-hay, plus one mention of the male anatomy.  Sam Bowring also uses clever “futuristic expletives”, such as "Crumbs", "Clusterfarm", "Farm it", and various fruity expressions such as “Bananas and Blueberries!”

 

    The text is written in “Australian”, which is kind of a cross between English and American.  So you'll encounter weird words and spellings such as knickers, plough, dobbed, maths, and pyjamas.  I always enjoy learning a foreign language.

 

    The only quibble I found was the page-numbering.  There isn’t any.  The page-counting system is stuck on “Page 8 of 8” the whole way.  This was true on both my old Kindle and my newer Kindle.  Oh well, that’s why e-readers also give you a “percentage read” figure.

 

    But this is nitpicking.  Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling was a fun read from beginning to end, and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for discounts on the other two books in the trilogy.  Douglas Adams would proudly give a two-thumbs up to this tale.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  Ryan Gosling gets a brief mention in this time-traveling tale.  What are the odds of that?!

Starter Villain - John Scalzi

    2023; 268 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Science Fiction; Genetic Engineering; Intrigue-Satire.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    Uncle Jake has died!

 

    That means little to his nephew, Charlie Fitzer.  Uncle Jake had had nothing to do with the rest of the Fitzer family for the last few years.

 

    But Uncle Jake was very rich—he owned the third largest corporation that managed parking structures throughout the world.  And the lower class Fitzers were not worthy of his presence.

 

    So it was a bit surprising when one of his employees, Mathilda Morrison, called Charlie and asked if he would oversee Uncle Jake’s funeral service.  Which he agreed to do, since Uncle Jake apparently had no family.  And initially, things went smoothly at the funeral service.

 

    Until one of the guests took out a knife and started stabbing Uncle Jake’s corpse.

 

What’s To Like...

    Starter Villain is a standalone novel that is equal parts science-fiction, intrigue, and satire.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that Uncle Jake also was part of a “Supervillain Cartel”, into which Charlie might be invited as a replacement, provided he proves himself worthy and willing.

 

    This might sound like a bum deal, but Charlie is a divorced, part-time substitute teacher, and lives from paycheck to paycheck.  His roommate is a pet cat.  It might be a good career move for Charlie to become a "starter villain".  Besides, “Hero” and “Villain” are relative terms.  What one person might call a crime, another might call an opportunity!

 

    Only John Scalzi would take a standard thriller storyline like that and blend a genetic engineering plot thread into it.  Thus we encounter typewriting cats; unionizing, smart-alecky dolphins; and sentient whales of questionable loyalty.  That may sound wacky, but Scalzi makes it work hilariously well.

 

    The “villain” aspect of the tale is also masterfully done.  The classic “Honor among thieves” adage doesn’t apply if there’s money to be made by double-dealing.  And the higher up the crime corporation ladder you are, the greater the odds that other crime boxes will conspire to take you down by taking you out.

 

    The ending is suitably exciting, over-the-top, and comes with several plot twists that I didn’t foresee.  The last chapter is an epilogue that ties up several plot threads.  Things close with a bonus short story that reveals "what happens after" with one of the main characters.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 15,847 ratings and 999 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.11*/5, based on 105,255 ratings and 16,311 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Being a villain,” I said.

    “I told you, we don’t use that word in public.”

    “I don’t see why not.  It’s a perfectly good word.”

    “For public use it’s reductive,” Morrison said.  “Privately it offers some advantages.  Which you will be finding out soon.  But you won’t be doing much villainy anyway.  You’re needed for something else entirely.”

    I nodded.  “Useful idiot.”

    “I was going to say ‘administration.’”  (pg. 74)

 

    “Let’s start with what you call yourself,” I suggested.

    The dolphin chittered, and there was silence from the voice box.  “It doesn’t translate,” the dolphin said.  “It derives from hydrological states of water humans don’t experience directly and don’t have simple words for.  It would be something like ‘the one who can find a pure thread of water through the murk of an alluvial discharge into a bay.’”

    “You could go by ‘Ally’ for short,” I said.

    “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were asking me my name, not trying to figure out something short and infantilizing that you could call me.”  (pg. 112)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Starter Villain presently costs $11.99 at Amazon.  John Scalzi has several dozen other e-books for you, almost all of them in the Sci-Fi genre.  They generally are priced in the $4.99-to-$14.99 range.  He also offers several sci-fi short stories; those are mostly in the free-to-$2.99 range.

 

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”  (pg. 165)

    The cussing in Starter Villain is moderate.  I noted 48 instances in the first half of the book, with f-bombs being the favorite cussword.  Later on, the waving of male genitalia is mentioned.  Meanwhile, the dolphins have coined their own disparaging phrases, such as f*cknugget, scrotemonkey, and bourgeois fistula.  I am in awe of their epithet inventing.

 

    I can’t think of anything else to nitpick about.  The pacing was good, there were plenty of plot twists, the blend of humor and intrigue was spot-on, and the genetic engineering and situational business ethics aspects give you something to muse about.  Sadly, I don’t think John Scalzi has any plans to develop this into a series.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point Rutgers University is mockingly referred to as the “Big Ten Doormat”.  The designation is justified, but I used to have a workmate who was a Rutgers alumnus.  He preferred to view the school as having the proper perspective regarding Sports and Academics.  The latter takes priority over the former.  I happen to agree with him.

Starship Ass - Of Donkeys, Gods, and Space Pirates - Ethan Freckleton and J.R. Frontera

    2019; 264 pages.  Book 1 (out of 3) in the “Starship Ass” series.  New Author(s)? : Yes, and yes.  Genres: Humorous Science Fiction, Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Say hello to Buddy.  He’s an ass.

 

    I don’t mean that in a crude way; Buddy’s a donkey.  And if you say hello to him, he’ll probably say it back to you.

 

    Well okay, Buddy won’t say hello to you; but Harry will.  Harry’s a symbiont tick that uses Buddy as a host animal.  If you’re unfamiliar with the word ‘symbiont’, its definition is given below.  In effect, Harry/Buddy is a talking ass.

 

    Is this confusing?  Don’t worry.  The crew of space pirates who are about to attack the starship that Harry and Buddy are on will also find it quite weird.

 

What’s To Like...

    The title says it all: Starship Ass – Of Donkeys, Gods, and Space Pirates features donkeys, humans (which donkeys would deem to be gods), and space pirates all making their entries into the storyline by 6% Kindle, along with a sentient starship computer named “Node”.

 

    The action starts immediately—the space pirates quickly take over the freighter starship and take inventory of their newly-won cargo.  Sadly, it’s a rather meager haul: mostly cows, chickens and other edible animals, whose resale value is diminished by the need to keep them fed until a carnivore market can be found.  But the talking ass might be the most valuable find, since there’s a “Running of the Donkey” contest coming up soon on the nearby planet Irrakis.

 

    I liked the character development of both the good guys and the baddies.  Each one has his, her, or its individual quirks and personality, and the moral difference between “law-enforcing” and “outlaw” is delightfully blurry.  The pacing is good and there’s plenty of wit and humor to chuckle over, thanks mostly to Harry trying to fathom the ways and words of humans.  For instance, the phrase “I’m going to make you a star” completely mystified our protagonist.

 

    I enjoyed the literary nod to David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest, and the television nod to Deep Space Nine.  The vocabulary inclusion of words like rickrolled and jonesin’ also made me smile.

 

    Tension builds as our motley crew of space pirates strive to stay one step ahead of the authorities and still compete for the prize money in the Donkey Race.  They are mostly successful, although one plot thread remains open, presumably to be resolved in the sequel, Starship Ass – Of Donkeys, Dogs, and Rogue Bits, which waits for my attention on my Kindle.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

    Symbiont (n.) : an organism living in symbiosis, which is a close and interactive relationship of organisms of different species.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 188 ratings and 49 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.25/5 based on 117 ratings and 35 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Harry’s ears turned out sideways as he quickly got lost in the conversation.  But one word stood out as the strangest yet.  “Uckin’?”  He repeated the odd word.

    “Yarr,” answered Redbeard.  “The “F” is silent, cuz to say otherwise would be profane."  He paused to hurl a string of expletives that ended with “Uckin’ Feds” and spat.  (pg. 46)

 

    It was the strangest spaceship he’d ever seen . . . not that he’d seen many spaceships in his life.  But this one looked as if it had been constructed of pieces of other ships, all cobbled together to make one nonsensical whole.

    On top of that, instead of a dull gray hull like most spaceships had, it was painted a dizzying design in bright colors.  Antennas and radar dishes covered its uneven and patchwork surface.  In short, it looked like a hippie shack, if hippie shacks could fly in space.  (pg. 146)

 

Kindle Details…

    Starship Ass – Of Donkeys, Gods, and Space Pirates is presently FREE at Amazon.  The other two books go for $2.99 and $3.99 respectively.  I think this is a completed series.

 

Just focus on the job at hoof.  (pg. 62)

    The profanity in Starship Ass – Of Donkeys, Gods, and Space Pirates is moderate; I counted 10 instances in the first 20% of the book, a majority of which were of the eschatological variety.  Two cusswords were spellings in the “British Vulgar” ilk, which I always enjoy.

 

    The editing was good—just a couple of missing commas-in-dialogue, and a few typos such as feel/fell, fair/fare, etc.  Some reviewers were disappointed that there was no backstory as to how Harry/Buddy came to be on a spaceship bound for a meat-eating marketplace.  That’s a valid point, but see below.

 

    This is not an “epic sci-fi” tale; the good guys—as well as computers, droids, and ticks—live to see another day a pair of sequels.  I’d label this instead as a “beach read”, provided the beach is on the planet Dune or somewhere similar.  And within that context, I found this to be a fascinating, humorous, page-turning novel.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  It turns out there is a prequel to this book, titled Starship Ass – Of Sporks, Overlords, and Moon Worms.  It’s written by the same authors and carried by Amazon in Kindle and Paperback formats., but for some unknown reason, is not listed as part of the Starship Ass series.

How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja - Jay Key

   2018; 346 pages.  Book 1 (out of 4) in the “Adventures of Duke LaGrange” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Humorous Science Fiction; Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

 

    Get ready for a new Dynamic Duo!

 

    The main hero is Duke LaGrange, a wisecracking bounty hunter from a colony planet called Nova Texas.  He’s not particularly physically imposing, but he makes up for that by packing two deadly space firearms: a Widowmaker sonic shotgun and a laser revolver.

 

    His sidekick is a silent-but-deadly Ninja warrior named Ishiro’shea.  He’s from some backwater planet called Earth and claims to be of Irish-Japanese extraction, whatever that means.

 

    Right now they’re doing what most superheroes love to do: hanging out at the Why Not Saloon on the planet Kelt, and famed for its wine, women (of all sorts of intergalactic species), and interdimensional portals.  And while Duke flirts with the females in the crowd, Ishiro is engaged in his favorite pastime: lying on the saloon’s floor, passed out drunk.

 

    Life cannot get any better than this.

 

What’s To Like...

    How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja is the first volume in a (presumably) completed 4-book humorous sci-fi series.  The two protagonists remind me of the Star Wars duo of Han Solo and Chewbacca.  Ichiro has taken a vow of silence (it’s a ninja thing) so the banter between Duke and him is one-sided, yet just like Solo and Chewie chitchats, it somehow works.

 

    The opening scene takes place in a galactic bar-&-grill, which is very similar to the one in the first Star Wars movie, save that the band playing is a robotic metal group and the female flirt is an anthropomorphic musk ox.  That gives you a good idea of the comedic tone of the tale.  But the primary plot thread concerns our heroes reluctantly finding themselves forced into joining an epic space quest; which again is very Solo/Chewie-ish.

 

    I liked the character-building.  The good guys are well-intended but rather inept; and the head bad guy may be arrogant, yet he’s also somewhat charismatic.  The warfare scenario takes its cue straight out of Star Wars: the “legitimate” (evil) empire has overwhelming military resources, but the “rebel” (good) resistance has no reason to believe they can prevail, but they'll die trying anyway.

 

    The plotline is humorous, twisty, and has enough action to keep the reader reading “just one more chapter”.  The loyalty of most of the good guys—including Duke—is questionable at times, and both sides occasionally wonder if they’re being manipulated by some higher Power.

 

    The ending is decent; when all appears lost, help comes crashing in from unexpected places, and in the end the bad guys get their just desserts.  The aftermath is given in the second-to-last chapter, ties up the loose plot threads in a heartwarming manner.  Things close where things began, back at the bar-&-grill, with Duke and Ishiro contemplating their next adventure.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.1*/5, based on 285 ratings and 52 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.85*/5, based on 347 ratings and 44 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I am truly sorry.  Is there anything else that I can help you with?”

    “You hairy Glyptodian bastard!  Tell the Queen that I’m looking right down its bright red gullet as we speak; not too far from the Keltian atmosphere.  I think she might want to know.”

    “You do make a valid point, Mr. LaGrange.  I will seek her out with unrivaled haste.  Do you mind if I place you on hold briefly?”

    “Yes, I mind, Earl!”

    “Thank you.”

    “No, I said, I do mind—”

    The hold music interrupted and chimed away.  (loc. 716)

 

    “Nice to meet you, Lo’n.  I’ve heard so much about you.”

    Duke awkwardly knelt down in an exaggerated curtsy.  Mo’a laughed.

    “Is that right, off-worlder?”

    “But of course.  The great and all powerful Lo’n.  Your exploits are known throughout the universe.  Entire races are sacrificed in your honor every cycle.  The mere mention of your name can impregnate certain species.  Both male and female.  You are a god, my friend, a true god.”

    Lo’n’s eyes locked on to Duke’s.  Silence fell upon the group.  Not even Mo’a chuckled.

    “Off-worlder, I like you!”  (loc. 2483)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja sells for $3.99 at Amazon.  The other three books will each cost you $4.99.  You can also pick up a short-story Space Opera e-book by Jay Key, The Art of Negotiating with Space Monsters, for just $0.99.

 

“Not to be a nitpicker, but friends don’t attack each other with fire-covered spears.”  (loc. 1289)

    There’s a moderate amount of cussing in How to Pick Up Women with a Drunk Space Ninja, most of it of the “milder” variety.  I counted 13 instances in the first 10%.  The only adult situation I recall was one roll-in-the-hay late in the story.

 

    The favorite colloquial expression in this part of the galaxy is “Holy Hedgehogs!”, which made me chuckle each time it was used.  Robin, Batman’s sidekick, would love that phrase.

 

    My main issue in HtPUWwaDSN was with the action scenes.  A lot of the fight scenes involve Duke and Ishiro taking on overwhelming numbers of baddies charging at them.  But in most cases, Duke simply pulls out his equalizers, a pair of overwhelmingly deadly firearms, and confidently saves the day.  And in the few cases where that’s not sufficient, dei ex machina crash the party in a most timely manner.

 

    But hey, the same can be said of Batman and Robin, in the old TV version starring Adam West, and I used to love that show as a kid.  It worked for that Dynamic Duo, and it works for Duke and Ichiro as well.

 

    So give your thinking brain the night off, read this book strictly for its entertainment value, and don’t ask yourself any “what are the odds???” questions when our two heroes escape yet another hopeless situation.  You’ll be glad you did.

 

    7 Stars.  One last thing.  Early on, the catchphrase “damn skippy” is used.  I love that expression, but always thought it was invented by Lula, in Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series, but Google assures me it is a common phrase.  I need to start using it more.

Phule's Company - Robert Asprin

   1990; 296 pages.  New Author? : No.  Book 1 (out of 6) in the “Phule’s Company” series.  Genres : Humorous Science Fiction; Military Sci-Fi.  Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

 

    It was a most unfortunate accident.  And there were some mitigating circumstances.  The spaceship’s communications gear was on the fritz, and they were under orders to maintain com silence.

 

    Still, there’s something egregious about strafing the ceremonial signing of a peace treaty, for goodness sake!  And the Legionnaire who led the strafing run, Lieutenant Willard Phule, needs to be duly punished.

 

    But that’s where it gets tricky.  Lieutenant Phule is the son and heir to the owner and president of Phule-Proof Munitions, the largest arms manufacturer and distributor in the galaxy, and the present supplier of all arms and munitions to the Space Legion.  Busting him could have serious consequences.  Hmm. There’s got to be some way to punish Phule without offending his family.

 

    I know! How about promoting him to Captain, and putting him in charge of the Space Legion’s notorious Omega Company?!

 

What’s To Like...

    Phule’s Company is the eponymous first book in Robert Asprin’s six-volume Phule’s Company series, arguably just as popular as his Myth Adventures set of fantasy stories.  This was my introduction to this series, but the overall tone of the book reminded me of the 1980s television series The A-Team.

 

    Captain Phule is just as resourceful and witty of a leader as John “Hannibal” Smith, and the supporting cast of characters here are just as diverse and well-developed as Hannibal's gang if misfits.  Omega Company is the dregs of the Space Legion, and the Space Legion is the dregs of the Intergalactic Military.  A lot of Phule’s Company chronicles Phule’s efforts to whip his motley crew into a viable fighting force, as told by his staff butler, Beeker.

 

    Most of Phule’s Company are humans, but Robert Asprin works a couple of extraterrestrial species into the narrative  the Voltons (sometimes called “Voltrons”) are huge tusked-beasts, which belies the fact that they are also strict pacifists.  And the insectoid Sinthians, Louie and Spartacus, seem at first to be ill-fitted for the military, but Phule cleverly finds a perfect fit for their physical make-ups.  Phule’s Company learns the optimum way to navigate through a “confidence course” (aka an “obstacle course”), and the strategic resolution of the competition between the Red Eagles and the Space Legion was a wonderful coup by both Willard Phule and Robert Asprin.

 

    The best part of the book is the last 10% when contact is accidentally made with a research ship of the Zenobian Exploratory Forces, and Captain Phule once again demonstrates his problem-solving talents.  There’s a short teaser for the next book in the series, and plot-wise, all’s well that ends well.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.7/5 based on 230 ratings and 15 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.99/5 based on 9,723 ratings and 327 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “We have a situation here.  I thought I should alert you as soon as possible.”

    Phule felt a sinking sensation in his stomach, but kept his voice calm.

    “Very well.  What’s happened?  Start at the beginning.”

    “Well, Do-Wop took a shot at a lizard . . .”

    “A lizard?”

    “It sort of looked like a lizard . . . only bigger.  Currently unidentified.  Anyway, it shot back at him, and . . .”

    “It what?”  (loc. 3399)

 

    “What are they doing out there?” the general said as the three officers stared at the display outside their window.

    “If I had to guess, sir,” Battleax murmured, not taking her eyes from the formation, “I’d say it was a demonstration of support for their commander.”

    “A demonstration?  It looks like they’re getting ready to assault the spaceport.”

    “I didn’t say it looked like a peaceful demonstration.”  The colonel smiled humorlessly.  (loc. 3747)

 

Kindle Details…

    Phule’s Company presently sells for $8.99 at Amazon.  Books 2-6 will run you anywhere from $1.99 to $8.99.  Robert Asprin has penned several other series, including Myth-Adventures which I’ve read quite a bit of, and Thieves’ World which I haven’t read at all.  Those books are also in the $1.99-$8.99 range.

 

“I don’t care if they’re talking mushrooms!”  (loc. 3578)

    The cussing is light in Phule’s Company; just fifteen instances in the whole text.  I only noted two typos outside the Volton/Voltron boo-boos: gaff/gaffe, and duo/duel.  Whoever edited the book did a terrific job.

 

    The main problem for me was the storytelling.  I’ve read a number of the Myth Adventures tales, and my recollection is that they were more humorous than Phule’s Company, and more exciting as well.  Also, for all of Captain Phule’s cleverness, the thing he resorts to for solving most of his challenges throwing his father’s multi-million dollars at them.  That’s okay, I suppose, but it’s not very ingenious.

 

    To sum up, Phule’s Company was a decent sci-fi tale but not a spectacular one.  I vaguely recall the Myth Adventures also losing their sparkle after a while, around the time the recurring characters, Guido and Nunzio, started showing up.  I snagged the final book in Phule's Company while it was temporarily discounted, but I may or my not read the intervening ones.

 

    5½ Stars.  One last trivia detail:  it was an enlightening to learn about the etymology of the word for "ladies of the night": “Hookers”.  It's always fun to learn more about the history of our English language.

T-Rexes & Tax Law - Rachel Ford

   2019; 217 pages.  Book 1 (out of 9) in the “Time Travelling Taxman” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres: Time Travel Sci-Fi; Multiverses; Humorous Science Fiction.  Overall Rating : 6½*/10.

 

    Meet Alfred Favero, Senior Analyst for the IRS.  He may or may not be the best agent they have, but he certainly is the most zealous one.  Some might also describe him as conceited, but they’re probably just jealous.

 

    Alfred holds a special scorn for people who cheat on their taxes, and he’s just been assigned an important case: to hunt down the executives of a company called Futureprise, which specializes in some murkily-defined sort of speculative venture.  Whatever they’re into, it doesn’t matter, the IRS suspects them of underreporting their taxes, and now the whole company – from CEO to bottle-washers, has mysteriously packed up and left town.

 

    The prime IRS target is Futureprise’s CEO and founder David Garrity, and Alfred is willing to go to the ends of the Earth to find him and bring him to justice.

 

    That’s mighty noble of you, Alfred, but the more apropos question is: are you willing to go to the beginning of Time to bring him in?

 

What’s To Like...

    T-Rexes & Tax Law is an ambitious effort to combine several of my favorite Science Fiction subgenres, namely Time-Travel, Multiverses, Anti-Heroes, and Humor; then tossing in the Tax-Cheat angle, which results in a really unique storyline.

 

    I liked that Alfred is quite a butthead to start out with.  The banter between him and his fellow IRS agent and IT specialist, Nancy Abbot, is witty and entertaining.  It was fun to watch how Alfred’s demeanor mellows and matures in the presence of Nancy.  Could he possibly be ever-so-slightly falling in love?  I also enjoyed the fact that the David Garrity and his Futureprise employees are not simply portrayed as “black hats”.  There are some understandable reasons for their sudden disappearance.

 

    As the book’s title and cover image indicate, dinosaurs show up, including the mightiest of them all, T-Rex.  He’s joined by some pterosaurs, hadrosaurs, and a particularly pesky plesiosaur; and all these were indeed present in the Cretaceous Period, which is where our time-traveling agents are dumped, some 67 million years ago.

 

    The Multiverse slant is ambitious as well.  Most sci-fi novels assiduously avoid any chrono-hopping paradoxes (what if I go back in time and shoot my parents before I was born?); but Rachel Ford revels in them.  Humor in a work of fiction is always a personal taste, but I liked the way it was done here.

 

    If you hate having to keep track of dozens of characters in a storyline, then T-Rexes and Tax Law is your kind of book.  The only folks to keep close watch on are our two IRS protagonists, the CEO of Futureprise, and the company driver, Josh, a hunk about whom Nancy and Alfred have differing opinions.

 

    The ending is okay, but nothing special.  It resolves the primary Multiverse conundrum, but it’s not very tense and leaves all sorts of facets unresolved, such as the superior weaponry of beings from other dimensions.  But there’s another eight books in this series to address all that.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Disapprobation (n.) : strong disapproval, typically on moral grounds.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.2*/5, based on 129 ratings and 83 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.91*/5, based on 231 ratings and 67 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Alfred’s sleep became uneasy, and he started and twitched, drawing away from the water.  But the spray continued.

    Finally, he woke.  He was not at sea, or the victim of churning waters.  On the contrary, his situation was far, far worse.  He was propped in a chair, with a great, drooling reptile standing over him, slobbering on his face and arms.

    Piercing shrieks split the early morning stillness.  Later, he was glad that the campus was deserted; those screams, he was sure, would have been audible from one end of the oasis to the other.  (loc. 297)

 

    “What I’m saying is, Alfred, you heard the words, but you didn’t listen to my point.  You just responded.  You didn’t think about what I was saying.  You just – you always – want to be right.”

    “But…I usually am,” he said.  It sounded conceited, but he didn’t mean it that way.  On balance, he was right more often than he was wrong; and it seemed as a general rule simpler and safer to operate on the assumption that, in a conflict situation, he was in the right.

    She was incredulous.  “Do you hear yourself?”  (loc. 610)

 

Kindle Details…

    T-Rexes & Tax Law currently costs $0.99 at Amazon.  The other eight books in the series are all priced at $3.99 each.  Rachel Ford has several more series for your reading enjoyment, plus a few standalone novels.  Those e-books run anywhere from $2.99 to $6.49, with most of them costing $4.99.

 

 

If a Mars rover and Humvee had a love child, this, he thought, is what it would look like.  (loc. 783)

    There are some other issues besides the already-mentioned ho-hum ending in T-Rexes & Tax Law.  In brief:

 

    Dinosaurs may be present, but they don’t play a big part in the storyline.  The T-Rex scares our heroes, and the plesiosaur rocks the boat, but that’s about it.  Late in the story, a bunch of them dwelling in our present-day world get rounded-up and time-deported, and all that easy task is worth is a passing mention.

 

    The book is plagued by “spellchecker” typos, such as Garrity’s/Garritys, wroth/wrath, and at least five cases of hanger/hangar.  Commas were also frequently misused.

 

    The cussing is not excessive, but more than I’d expect if the target audience is YA.  I counted 12 instances in the first 25% of the book, including two f-bombs.

 

    Finally, the storyline itself is not compelling.  We start off with a Time-Traveling tale sprinkled with lots of Humor.  Then the humor tails off, and Multiverses pretty much push the Time-Traveling out of the spotlight.  The ending felt rushed, and I was left wondering if any proofreading, beta-reading, and/or polishing was done before publishing this.

 

    6½ Stars.  Despite the technical flaws, T-Rexes & Tax Law still held my interest and kept me turning the pages.  I think that says something about Rachel Ford’s writing skills.

The Enigmatologist - Ben Adams

    2016; 390 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Intrigue, Humorous Science Fiction, Elvis, Romance.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    There’s been another Elvis sighting!  A sweet little old lady down on Las Vegas, New Mexico spotted him.  She even snapped a picture of him, although just like all the photos of flying saucers and the Loch Ness monster, it’s somewhat blurry.

    The National Enquirer has asked John Abernathy, presently living and working in Denver, Colorado, to go down there and check it out.  Everyone knows it’s probably a hoax, but hey, that’s never stopped the National Enquirer before from running an Elvis-sighting story.

    John doesn’t work for them; he earns a subsistence wage as a Private Investigator, meaning he mostly hides in bushes, snapping pictures of cheating husbands doing kinky things with women who aren’t their wives.  On the side he works on becoming an enigmatologist, which is a fancy word for someone who creates crossword puzzles.

    Naturally, John realizes The National Enquirer has their own stable of investigative reporters who could handle the story.  So it’s rather odd that a national publication is asking him to go there instead.

    I wonder if they should tell him that the body of their reporter who they assigned to this story has been found in the New Mexico desert.

What’s To Like...

    The two main story threads are as given above, and our protagonist, John Abernathy spends most of his time evaluating the Elvis photo, while not ignoring the issue of a fellow reporter losing his life in the line of duty.  Several more storylines spring from these two threads, but we’ll refrain from listing them due to spoiler concerns.

    The settings are limited: John journeys from his home in Denver to Las Vegas, New Mexico, and later on travels to a trailer park in who-knows-where.  That’s about it.  There aren’t a lot of characters to keep track of, but I found that each had his/her own personality, and they were fun to meet.  It was refreshing to see a small-town sheriff portrayed as something other than a bigot and/or an idiot.

    The story moves along at a pleasantly brisk pace; I don’t recall any slow spots.  The humor is of the "just right" quantity, and it doesn’t overshadow the quite unique storyline that Ben Adams creates.  I liked the music references: Elvis (of course), Bing Crosby, .38 Special, Foreigner, Judas Priest, etc.  Ben Adams is obviously a classic rock enthusiast.  There’s a bit of romance in the tale, but it isn’t enough to scare away male readers.

    I liked the ending; it seemed plausible, fit well, and didn't have a "rushed" feel.  Both storylines are fully resolved, and come with a couple of plot twists that kept things interesting.  A couple of the subsidiary plot threads remain open, including the romance angle and the fate of John’s father.  But I presume these are addressed in the next book in the series.

    The chapters are short-to-moderate, 32 of them covering 390 pages.  The Enigmatologist is a standalone story, as well as (apparently) the start of a series.

Excerpts...

    “They got this girl there, man,” Leadbelly said, eyes empty with daydreams, “you know how strippers are all named after cities?”

    “The kid follows you,” John continued, “asks you some questions, like the kid from the bar.”

    “Her name’s Old Detroit.  She’s gotta be like seventy, man.”

    “It gets a little heated.  He makes some accusations.”

    “She brings you lunch butt naked and you pay her to put her clothes on.  It’s outta sight.”  (loc. 1532)

    “So, does this mean we’re boyfriend girlfriend?” he asked, looking into her deep brown eyes.

    “That depends,” Rosa said, “how do you feel about dating an older woman?”

    “How much older are we talking?  Not four hundred?”

    “How old do you think I look?”

    “Not a day over perfect.”

    “You’re so cheesy,” she said.  “I’m one hundred and sixty three, if you must know.”

    “So you’re a cougar?”  (loc. 5684)

Kindle Details...

    The Enigmatologist sells for $0.99 at Amazon, which IMO, is a heckuva deal.  Its sequel, The Resurrectionist, is also $0.99, so it won't break your budget to check into this series  ANAICT, these are the only two e-books Ben Adams offers right now.

  

“I think the world might be better off with one less painting of naked Elvis.”  (loc. 5460)

    The quibbles are minor.  In ascending order of importance:

    I spent the first half of the book wondering where the story was heading, but that’s a compliment, not a complaint.  Somewhere around the middle there was a significant genre-shift genre which some Amazon reviewers apparently didn’t like, but I thought it worked rather well. 

    OTOH, I could’ve done without the cussing that runs throughout the book.  Cusswords don’t offend me, and in a lot of cases, they help set the tone of, say, a gritty detective story, or an action-thriller.  But for me, the overall tone of The Enigmatologist is warmhearted, and the frequent cussing runs contrary to that.  I worry that some readers who would otherwise enjoy this book will be turned off by the plethora of four-letter words.

    My final and foremost quibble with the book is the editing.  There were just a few too many of these (for example: “soldier”, not “solider”) to ignore.  I recognize indie authors have to manage their literary budgets carefully, but hey, catching errors is one of the things that (unpaid) beta-readers should be doing.

    But enough of the negatives.  For me, The Enigmatologist was a delight to read, with an imaginative storyline, a lively pace, and a charmingly nerdy protagonist.  Best of all, there’s already a sequel, The Resurrectionist, and it’s sitting on my Kindle, waiting patiently to be read.  Here’s hoping that Ben Adams has plans for writing even more tales in the series.

    8½ Stars.  Subtract ½ star (each) if you’re not an fan of Elvis, or if you think that solving crossword puzzles are a complete waste of time.