Scharlette Doesn't Matter and Goes Time Travelling - Sam Bowring

    2019; 333 pages.  Book 1 (out of 3) in the “Scharlette Day” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Time Travel; Humorous Science Fiction.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Talk about a boring job, Scharlette has one.  She’s an airport security clerk; that person who announces umpteen times an hour that you need to empty your pockets of all sharp and metallic items before going through the scanner.

 

    The last guy through the security check was a butthead.  He was well-dressed and acted as though that should exempt him from emptying his pockets.  Terrorists don’t dress up impeccably, he said.

 

    Now this next guy in line is an even bigger dolt.   He says he’s never gone through the security line before.  He’s wearing some kind of gadget on his wrist with lots of blinking lights, and he seems reluctant to take it off and put it in the bowl.  Sorry, bub; no exceptions.

 

    When he does finally obey the request, things get crazy.  A wormhole opens up right there in the security area, the customer yells, “Snipers!”, and heavily armored guys jump out, shooting futuristic-looking weapons at the customer.

 

    Scharlette’s job just got a lot less boring.

 

What’s To Like...

   Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling is the opening volume in Sam Bowring’s humorous Time Travel trilogy.  The story’s tone and content very much reminded me of Douglas Adams’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy opus; if you liked that one you’ll enjoy this tale as well.

 

    The protagonist, Scharlette, is a fascinating study.  Our visitors from the future have done their temporal paradox research..  Scharlette is infertile, so she won’t have any kids.  Also, none of the events in the rest of her life will have any effect on the present timeline.  So they can safely contact and interact with her and nothing important will change.  In a nutshell, Scharlette doesn’t matter.

 

    I liked the language that the space travelers use.  They’re originally from more than 10,000 years from now, and the English that they speak has evolved from ours.  So Scharlette, and the reader, have to learn futuristic vocabulary terms such as plimits, condooblences, ridiculex, batso, all kay, zicky, and blisso.

 

    The tone of the text is lighthearted.  There is a Universe that needs to be somehow saved, but meanwhile there’s still time to go trippin’ in the future on your choice of pharmaceutical compound.  There’s a mysterious book that breaks down the fourth wall, and it was fun  to learn that the extraterrestrials hold Salvador Dali great esteem.

 

    The story stops at a logical place, with several plotlines still unresolved, especially those concerning the Germs and Jenelope.  I presume those are addressed in the sequel, Scharlette Kills 99% of Germs.  Things close on a note both heartwarming and hopeful.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 1,604 ratings and 258 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.09/5 based on 1,351 ratings and 195 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You use metal detectors, mobile phones, refrigerators, yet you don’t actually know how any of them work.”

    “I guess not.”

    “If I told you to put together a video camera, you wouldn’t even be able to invent the strap.  Point is, the universe is full of people who use things without knowing how they actually work.  Why do people from the past always think people from the future understand everything?”  (50% Kindle)

 

    “What are we going to do?”

    Scharlette found it strange that he was asking, but she poked her head up over the barrier.  She zeroed in on the Germs with her enhanced senses and her head computer went to work translating.

    “Keep your sensory receptors peeled,” said a tall, many-fronded, copiously drooling horror.  “A12/65 saw many greyskin Gutbags retreat inside as we arrived, fleeing like excretal globules down a turd masher.”  (84% Kindle)

 

Kindle Details…

    The e-book edition of Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling currently sells for $3.99 at Amazon.  The other two books in the trilogy cost $4.99 apiece.  Sam Bowring has seven other e-books for your Kindle, ranging in price from $2.99 to $4.99.

 

“You couldn’t knock a flimswaggle off a zhog’s back if it was standing right in front of you.”  (15% Kindle)

    There’s only a light amount of profanity in Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling. I noted just 8 cusswords in the first 20%, two of which were f-bombs.  There are a couple of rolls-in-the-hay, plus one mention of the male anatomy.  Sam Bowring also uses clever “futuristic expletives”, such as "Crumbs", "Clusterfarm", "Farm it", and various fruity expressions such as “Bananas and Blueberries!”

 

    The text is written in “Australian”, which is kind of a cross between English and American.  So you'll encounter weird words and spellings such as knickers, plough, dobbed, maths, and pyjamas.  I always enjoy learning a foreign language.

 

    The only quibble I found was the page-numbering.  There isn’t any.  The page-counting system is stuck on “Page 8 of 8” the whole way.  This was true on both my old Kindle and my newer Kindle.  Oh well, that’s why e-readers also give you a “percentage read” figure.

 

    But this is nitpicking.  Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling was a fun read from beginning to end, and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for discounts on the other two books in the trilogy.  Douglas Adams would proudly give a two-thumbs up to this tale.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  Ryan Gosling gets a brief mention in this time-traveling tale.  What are the odds of that?!

The Better Mousetrap - Tom Holt

    2008; 345 pages.  New Author? :No.  Genres : Humorous Fantasy; Time Travel; Satire.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Wouldn’t it be great to own a time machine?

 

    You could go back into the past and observe great events, while being careful, of course, not to do anything to change history.  Computer simulations should avoid that.

 

    Or you could go forward in time, watch some future Super Bowl or World Cup tournament, come back, and bet on the winners.  Although that might draw unwanted attention to your rapid monetary gains.

 

    But the smartest thing might be to do what Frank Carpenter does.  Get a job with an insurance company, go back in time, and prevent fatal accidents to clients which would result in huge payouts on their life insurance policies.  Insurance companies would gladly pay you a portion of the premiums and you would get rich without attracting attention.

 

    It is/was/will-be a foolproof plan.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Better Mousetrap is the fifth book in Tom Holt’s 8-volume “J.W. Wells & Co.” series, of which I’ve read half, although not in any particular order.  I read Book 1, The Portable Door, way back in 2012 (reviewed here, so I appreciated the author inserting a recap of that plotline into this book early on.  J.W. Wells & Co. specializes in providing magical items, beings, spells, and full-fledged sorcerers to their clients, although by the time of this fifth book, the corporation was pretty much defunct.

 

    The storyline commences with a relatively easy task for Frank: go back in time and prevent a girl named Emily Spitzer from falling out of a tree to her death while trying to rescue her pet cat.  Emily’s in the pest control business, meaning she gets tasked with removing pests such as trolls, hydras, goblins, and dragons from our dimension.  She’s good at it, so it’s weird that an easy-peasy act of falling from a tree proves to be her downfall.  Frank adjusts the timeline, saves Emily, but she dies again shortly thereafter.  Hmm.  This smells of evildoers determined to snuff her out for some reason.

 

    As is true for all Tom Holt novels, things rapidly get more complicated.  Frank’s dog disappears.  Frank colleague disappears.  A dying dragon seems to value a small artifact more than the millions of dollars he’s nesting on.  Office politics threatens to turn deadly.

 

    As is also true of any Tom Holt novel, the writing is replete with wit, absurdity, and fascinating characters; all of which keeps the reader turning the pages.  Please note that the book is written in English, not American, which leads to weird spellings (such as tyres and chequebooks), and weird words, a couple of which are given below.

 

    Everything builds to a surprise ending, via the entire final chapter, which somehow manages to tie up all the plot threads.  Well, with one exception, which involves a surprise visit by two new-yet-recurring characters.  This may or may not be a teaser for Book 6, May Contain Traces of Magic, awaiting my attention.

 

Excerpts...

    ”I was round at your office just now.”

    “Oh yes?”

    Nod.  “When I say just now,” he went on, “I mean about an hour and a half in the future.  You hadn’t shown up for your lunch, you see, and I was . . . Well, anyway, I asked if you were in your office and they said no.  Actually, they said that you’d been killed.”

    She took it quite well.  True, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open like the tailgate of the lorry off the back of which all good things fall, but she didn’t faint or scream or any of the things he was fairly sure that he’d have done in her shoes.  “Oh,” she said.  (pg. 146)

 

   “Hello, are you there?”

    En route to the kettle, Frank stopped and watched Emily.  She’d gone ever such a funny colour, and she seemed to have forgotten about breathing and stuff.  Then she smiled.

    “Mr. Gomez,” she said.  “I’m glad you called.  I’m going to kill you.”

    “What?  It’s not a terribly good line, you’ll have to speak—”

    “And when I’ve done that,” Emily went on, “I’m going to chop you up into little bits and feed you to the piranhas in Sally Krank’s office.  Oh, and I quit.  Goodbye.”  (pg. 242)

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Pipped to the post (phrase) : overcoming a strong competitor in a sporting event.  (British slang)

Others: Doddle (n.); Moggy (n.); Havered (v.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 534 ratings and 28 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.02*/5, based on 1,232 ratings and 76 reviews.

 

When you’re Amanda Carrington you don’t need to be subtle, in the same way elephants don’t need wellington boots.  (pg. 209)

    There’s not a lot of cussing in The Better Mousetrap.  I noted just 8 instances in the first 10%, all of which were variations of the common four-lettered cusswords.  Later on, the “female dog” term showed up about a half-dozen times.  I don’t recall any adult situations.

 

    I spotted only one typo, and strangely it occurs on the back-cover blurb, not in the book itself.  There, a damsel named June is touted as a major character, but she never appears in the story.  It turns out “June” is really the character “Emily”, and who knows when and why her name was changed.  I'd blame this on the English-to-American conversion, except I was reading the British publication.

 

    Overall, I thought this was one of Tom Holt’s best efforts at Absurdist Fantasy.  I loved that fact that, where most authors in this genre caution doing anything that will change our historical timeline, Tom Holt seems to revel in doing so.  I’m gradually working my way through Tom Holt’s existing novels, the latest of which came out in 2023.  Wikipedia lists his age as 64 as of the writing of this review.  Here’s hoping that he is working on his next bestseller.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  On page 176, there’s a passing mention of a writer named Hasdrubal.  I proud to say that’s also my literary son’s name.  Kewlness!

Isle of the Dead - Roger Zelazny

   1969; 190 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Classic Science Fiction; Fantasy; Time Travel.  Laurels : 1969 Hugo Award for Best Novel (nominated); 1972 French Prix Apollo Award (winner).  Overall Rating: 6*/10.

 

    Meet Francis “Frank” Sandow.  He’s the 87^th wealthiest being in the entire galaxy.  That’s quite the feat, although it’s probably due to the fact that he’s also the oldest being in the galaxy.  Francis was born on Earth in the 20^th century.  It’s now the 32^nd century and he lives light years away from here on a planet called Homefree.  Francis personally created that world.

 

    The secret to Francis’s longevity is something called “time dilation”, which, as everyone who’s ever taken a course in Quantum Physics (I have!) can tell you, relates to how Time “slows down” as you approach the speed of Light.

 

    Francis is content with his life and has no desire to visit 32^nd-century Earth.  He has too many memories of too many Earthly companions that have long ago shuffled off their mortal coil.  But lately someone has started sending him photographs of some of those long-departed acquaintances.

 

    Those photos could be fake, of course.  But if they aren’t, they present Francis with an intriguing enigma.  Because the six former acquaintances of Francis look like they’re presently very much alive.

 

What’s To Like...

    Isle of the Dead is a standalone 1969 novel by Roger Zelazny.  It is primarily a work of Science Fiction, thanks to the intergalactic time travel, with some mystical Fantasy elements blended in. 

 

    The world-building is phenomenal.  If properly trained, you can create your own planet, although I think it actually refers to terraforming an existing uninhabited world.  Two sentient alien races have been encountered—the Rigelians and the ancient-but-dwindling Pei’ans.  The recall-tapes were a fascinating innovation, and I’ve got to get one of those slip-sleds to avoid traffic congestion.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV, Francis’s.  There are no chapters per se in the text; instead it is divided up into eight Parts.  Francis’s 20^th-century roots allow him to reference lots of familiar things people and things, including Kafka, Gogol, Rachmaninoff, and my favorite: Ginnungagap.

 

    Things build to a cosmic-sized climax, which was the norm for classic 1960s Sci-Fi.  It features a couple of plot twists that I didn’t see coming and wraps up most of the plot threads.  I got the feeling Roger Zelazny wrote this as a first book in a series, but nothing ever came of that.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.3*/5, based on 452 ratings and 43 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.80*/5, based on 2,085 ratings and 123 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Klepsydra (n.) : a device that measures time using the steady flow of water from one container to another.

Others: Catenary (adj.); Barratry (n.).

 

Excerpts...

    “Will you consent to accompany me back to Earth and talk to my chief?” he asked.

    “No,” I said.  “I’ve answered that question a dozen times, in as many letters.  Earth grates on my nerves, it gives me a big pain these days.  That’s why I live out here.  Earth is overcrowded, bureaucratic, unhealthy, and suffering from too many mass-psychoses to bother classifying.  Whatever your chief wants to say, you can say for him, and I’ll answer you, and you can take it back to him.”  (loc. 3589)

 

    “A penny for your thoughts,” I said.

    “What is a penny?”

    “An ancient monetary unit, once common on my home planet.  On second thought, don’t take me up on it.  They’re valuable now.”

    “It is strange to offer to buy a thought.  Was this a common practice among your people, in the old days?”

    “It had to do with the rise of the merchant classes,” I said.  “Everything has a price, and all that.”  (loc. 4671)

 

Kindle Details…

    I bought Isle of the Dead as part of a two-book Kindle bundle of Roger Zelazny sci-fi.  The other book is Eye of Cat, which I read earlier and is reviewed here.  Amazon no longer offers this bundle in e-book format; but you can buy the paperback version for a mere $17.99.  Alternatively, you can buy the hardcover and/or paperback versions of Isle of the Dead from independent dealers through Amazon for outrageous prices.

 

“Did you ever witness the combat of Betta splendens, the Siamese Fighting Fish?”  (loc. 3932)

    I noted 15 instances of profanity in the first 33% of Isle of the Dead, which is more than I expected for a Sci-Fi novel written in the 1960s.  But they were all of the milder eschatological nature, so it wasn’t distracting.  Later on, several references to female canines showed up, but hey, this was almost written in the 1970s.

 

    I only saw two typos, both punctuation-related, which I suspect happened after this was given to the publisher.  There was no Table of Contents in this bundled e-book version, which bugged me a bit, but that's a quibble.

 

    The big issue was a storytelling.  Halfway through the book, I still couldn’t tell you what the main storyline was.  One of Francis’s ex-lovers has gone missing; should he try finding her?  The 45^th wealthiest man in the galaxy has a proposal for Francis; why?  Who is sending him those real-or-fake photos; and for what purpose?

 

    Things finally come into focus in the book’s second half, but that’s a lot of time spent on galaxy-building.  When the smoke finally clears, way too many characters are conveniently deceased, which means their plotlines have come to naught, plus one of them is still MIA.

 

    All of this could be forgiven if the book was an introduction to a series.  The beauty of time-travel, and of meeting and interacting with hitherto unknown extraterrestrials, is that no one has to remain dead.  Sadly, Roger Zelazny passed away in 1995, so this remains a one-and-done novel.  Someone needs to step up and turn it into a series.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing.  Every once in a while, some subtle humor works its way into the text.  One example: the three moons of the planet Illyria are named Flopsus, Mopsus, and Kattontallus.  I loved that.

Planet of the Apes - Pierre Boulle

    1963; 249 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Translator: Xan Fielding.  Genres : Dystopian Sci-Fi; Movie Tie-In; Time Travel.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    It’s 2500 CE, and the universe beckons!

 

    Earthlings have figured out how to build spaceships that can travel at close-to-the-speed-of-light velocity, and the first trans-galactic flight in underway.  The destination is the giant star Betelgeuse, where hopefully we’ll find orbiting planets.  Maybe we'll even find life.

 

    Since the ship’s speed is still less than that of light, it will take them more than a year to get there.  Meanwhile several hundred years will have elapsed back on Earth.  Once the ship arrives at Betelgeuse, it will come to a stop, and the astronauts' time rate will return to normal.  They’ll scout whatever planet they find, then speed back to almost light-speed, spending another year (their time) getting back to Earth.

 

    If they encounter sentient extraterrestrials, I wonder what they’ll look like.  Little green men with great big eyes?  Jello-like blobs of goo?  Bipedal humanoids resembling us Earthlings.?

 

    Guess again, guys

 

What’s To Like...

    Planet of the Apes is a 1963 standalone novel originally written by the French author Pierre Boulle.  In 1968 it was adapted into a critically acclaimed and immensely popular movie starring Charlton Heston.  The overall story concept is the same for both, although the plot thread details differ quite a bit.

 

    The story opens, and closes, with a third-person POV account of a couple out sailing in space who come across a floating bottle containing a sheaf of papers.  That turns out to be the journal of one of the astronauts that made the trip to Betelgeuse, and so is written in the first-person POV.  It makes up the middle 34 chapters in the book.

 

    Given the book and movie’s title, it is no spoiler to reveal that humans and apes swap places as the dominant sentient species.  Pierre Boulle uses this to demonstrate just how savage the top species can treat other animals.  For example, he examines topics like hunting and killing animals for sport; laboratory testing on animals; and whether a sub-species can actually “create” original thoughts rather than merely mimic the actions of the dominant species.

 

    Three types of apes have evolved on the planet orbiting Betelgeuse: brutish gorillas, science-oriented orangutans, and innovative chimpanzees.  They have achieved a tenuous coexistence, albeit rivalries remain.  See the second excerpt below for an example of this.  But all apes agree that their evolutionary dominance of humans is a natural and logical outcome.  After all, apes are blessed with four functional appendages; those savage humans have only two.

 

    The ending is both horrifying and hopeful, and leaves open the possibility of a sequel.  Both the movie and the book contain a startling plot twist to close things out, although they are substantially different.  AFAIK, Pierre Boulle never penned any more books in this setting, but there are more than a dozen movie and television spinoffs of the 1968 film, many of which were later adapted into print version.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 1,994 ratings and 418 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.99/5 based on 48,554 ratings and 3,379 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Cynosure (n.): a person or thing that is the center of attention or admiration.

 

Excerpts...

    It was a classical hunting scene.  Here again the apes worked methodically.  They placed the bleeding bodies on their backs, side by side, in a long row as though along a chalk line.  Then, while the she-apes uttered little cries of admiration, they applied themselves to making the game attractive.  They stretched the arms down along the sides of the bodies and opened the hands with the palms facing upward.  They straightened the legs, arranging the joints so as to give each body a less corpselike appearance, corrected a clumsily twisted limb, and reduced the contraction of the neck.  Then they carefully smoothed down the hair, particularly the women’s, as some hunters smooth down the coat or feathers of an animal they have just shot.  (pg. 63)

 

    “There are three distinct families, as you have noticed, each of which has its own characteristics: chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans.  The racial barriers that used to exist have been abolished and the disputes arising from them have been settled, thanks mainly to the campaigns launched by the chimpanzees.  Today, in principle, there is no difference at all between us.”

    “But most of the great discoveries,” I persisted, “were made by the chimpanzees.”

    “That is true.”

    “What about the gorillas?”

    “They are meat eaters,” she said scornfully.  (pg. 117)

 

Kindle Details…

    Planet of the Apes is currently priced at $5.99 at Amazon.  I only see one other English translation of a Pierre Boulle novel available in e-book format: a dystopian tale titled Desperate Games.  It sells for $9.99 and is 191 pages long.

 

What is it that characterizes a civilization?  Is it the exceptional genius?  No, it is everyday life.  (pg. 192)

    There is no profanity in Planet of the Apes, although that’s the norm for 1960s science-fiction novels.  There’s a bunch of nudity, but hey, that’s to be expected of herds of savage beasts.  At one point laboratory sex tests are run on captive humans.  None of this was lewd.

 

    I didn’t spot any typos in the book, and I didn’t feel like anything was lost in translation.  As mentioned, the book version differs from the movie version, but that just means you have two ways of enjoying the introduction to this scenario.  The movie contains more action scenes; the book relies more on thoughts and dialogue to make its points.  Both are effective, and I’ve enjoyed both.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Pierre Boulle authored about three dozen books in his lifetime, all in French.  Planet of the Apes was one of his two biggest hits.  The other one is equally impressive, both as a novel and as a blockbuster movie: The Bridge Over the River Kwai.  Alas, it seems it isn’t available in e-book format.

Fall of the Dark Magicians - Marlin Williams

     2025; 569 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Action-Adventure; Dark Fantasy; Time Travel.  Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Richardson has had enough.  Her husband Gerald is is not only involved in illicit arms deals, but he’s a wife-beater as well.  She’s been living comfortably off his money, but it’s no longer worth it.

 

    It’s time to go away, to get as far from Gerald as she can.  Maybe find some out-of-the-way island in the South Pacific where she can sit back, relax, and make a new life for herself.

 

  Although even there, she’d have to watch over her shoulder, always fearing that Gerald might find her.  If only she could fly away to someplace even further away.  To another world, even.

 

    Hmm.  Be careful what you wish for, Stephanie.  Sometimes, they have a way of coming true in unexpected ways.

 

What’s To Like...

   Fall of the Dark Magicians is Marlin Williams’ latest offering in the epic-fantasy genre.  If limited to six words, I’d describe it as “Lord of the Rings Meets Dune”.  Our protagonist, Stephanie, is a reluctant “Chosen One” who struggles against impossible odds to return a powerful artifact to its proper place, thereby saving a world or two.

 

    I loved the time-&-dimension travel mechanism.  Unlike most sci-fi chrono-hopping devices, using this one is rather dicey.  Oh, you’ll get zapped to a faraway cosmos alright, but good luck trying to figure out just where and when you'll get dropped into, those are variables.

 

    Just like in LOTR, the group of supporting (and opposing) characters are diverse and fascinating.  Some of them provide a bit of comic relief, others offer metaphysical pointers, and still others threaten imminent destruction to Stephanie and her cohorts.  One even stirs a romantic interest in her.  The character development of all of these is impressive; none of them are the same person by story’s end, albeit for a few, that's because they’re dead.

 

    Action and adventure abound, but Marlin Williams imbues some lightheartedness into the tale as well.  Two of the characters are curiously named Ida March and Rue Bella, a number of the chapter titles are wittily dubbed, and at one point Stephanie’s vegetarianism is sorely tested.  Several mystical oddities from this dimension are also referenced, including the Philadelphia Experiment and Chavin de Huantar. Both of those were new to me.  Look them up in Wikipedia; they will amaze you.

 

    Everything builds to a tense, exciting climax, with several  plot twists that will keep Stephanie, and the reader, on their toes.  Plot threads are resolved in what I call a “stutter-step” fashion, and that’s always a plus.  The Epilogue is both satisfying and heartwarming, and things close with a catchy little teaser for a sequel.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.8/5 based on 14 ratings and 14 reviews..

    Goodreads: 5.00/5 based on 2 ratings and 1 review.

 

Excerpts...

    “I shall have my revenge!”

    “Do not be a fool,” Shylite said, whirling to face his companion.  “That will only get you killed.”

    “I can have no peace without it,” Kamal told him.

    “Then go with my blessings,” Shylite replied.  He paused.  “But I will not join you.”

    “Where will you go?”

    “After I find my tribe,” said Shylite.  “We will hide.”

    “And continue to live a coward’s life, hiding like a rat inside a cave?” Kamal asked him.

    “There are worse things,” said Shylite.

    “Like what?”

    “Death.”  (pg. 96)

 

    I could’ve had you executed, like the others.  But that would’ve been . . . wasteful.”

    Stephanie’s voice came out low and steady.  “You think I’m part of a prophecy.”

    “I think you’re a variable,” Badra said flatly.  “And variables are dangerous.  They don’t fit the pattern.  They cause chaos.  But sometimes . . .”  She stopped in front of her.  “Sometimes chaos has its uses.”

    Stephanie met her gaze, unblinking.  “I’m not yours to use.”

    Badra tilted her head slightly.  “We’ll see.”  (pg. 465)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Fall of the Dark Magicians currently sells for $5.99 at Amazon.  Marli Williams has seven other e-books for your reading pleasure, including novels, short story collections, and anthologies.  They range in price from $0.99 to $9.99.

 

“John Grinder is a man built out of scars.  Most of the time, he forgets he’s still bleeding.”  (pg. 113)

    There’s only a light amount of profanity in Fall of the Dark Magicians; I counted just 15 cusswords in the first 25% of the book.  There are a couple instances of drug usage, including Stephanie’s introduction to opium, but in no way is the partaking of drugs encouraged.

 

       There were some typos, the most glaring of which were several cases of misspelled character names: Caliamr/Calimar, Grider/Grinder, and Stehanie’s/Stephanie’s, but these weren’t frequent enough to be distracting.  Oh yeah, and if you're an animal lover, be warned: the horse dies.  So does the prairie dog.

 

    Overall, I thought this was a great read.  The writing is polished; the action is plentiful and the pacing was page-turning fast.  Fall of the Dark Magicians is a standalone novel, but I have a sneaking suspicion it is also the start of a series, which I am very much looking forward to.

 

    9½ Stars.  One last thing.  At one point, Stephanie resorts to Faraday’s Law in order to save the day.  Ultimately it was unsuccessful, but that was due to personnel issues, not scientific ones.  SCIENCE ROOLZ!!

Hope For the Best - Jodi Taylor

 

   2019; 461 pages.  Book 10 (out of 14) in the “Chronicles of St. Mary’s” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Time Travel; Humorous Fantasy; Historical Fiction.  Overall Rating: 9*/10.

 

    Madeleine “Max” Maxwell has been traded to the Time Police!

 

    Well okay, technically she’s been “seconded” to the Time Police, meaning St. Mary’s loaning Max to them for a while.  It’s sort of a goodwill gesture, aimed at improving the relationship between the two organizations.

 

    One of the weird things is that the Time Police office is based in the future, so Max gets to time-travel forward every time she goes to work.  How utterly kewl is that?!  But the bigger perk for Max is that she gets to be with her son, Matthew, who is being kept at the Time Police headquarters (“TPHQ”), protected by the Time Police from the evil bad guy, Clive Ronan.

 

    Looking after Matthew is not an easy job; see the second excerpt below.

 

What’s To Like...

    I enjoyed Max’s career move in Hope for the Best.  It seemed a nice way for Jodi Taylor to introduce the reader to her new “Time Police” series, the first book of which came out about five months after this one.

 

    It was interesting to watch Max and Captain Ellis learn to work as partners.  Their first adventure involves traveling to 16^th-century London to deal with a Temporal Anomaly.  The Time Police are there to “repair” the digression, even if that means using force.  St. Mary’s is there to record history.  Those differing motivations do not always mesh smoothly.

 

    Delightfully, there’s lots of time-jumping.  I counted ten chrono-hops, and that’s not including return jumps to St. Mary’s and/or TPHQ.  As usual, the book’s cover image gives a glimpse at two of those trips.  The smokestacks shown at the top are of the Battersea Power Station, as any fan of Pink Floyd’s “Animals” album will recognize.  We’ll let you wonder why the bottom image is simply a nest of eggs.

 

    It’s not a spoiler to reveal that two of my favorite characters in this series, Adrian and Mikey, play prominent roles in the storyline.  Grint the Grunt was also an interesting character, as were Hillary and Donald.  I chuckled at the mention of the sport of cheese-rolling on Cooper’s Hill, and liked learning why “Time is like a bluebell wood”.

 

    The ending is tense, twisty, and totally unexpected.  History is restored to its proper order, although not everybody at St. Mary’s, Max in particular, is happy about it.  The Time Police and St. Mary’s have a better understanding of each other, although I’d hardly call them bosom buddies.  Hope For the Best is both a part of a series and a standalone novel.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 5,408 ratings and 383 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.32*/5, based on 7,706 ratings and 584 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    I knelt up to see better.

    Ellis pulled me down.  “Stay down.”

    “I can’t.  It’s my job.  I’m the historian.  I study historical events.  You’re the Time Police.  Go and count your crayons.”

    Someone behind me wondered aloud why they let me live.

    “I’ve no idea,” said Ellis.  “Perhaps she’ll come in handy one day.”

    “And if not?”  Was it my imagination or was there a hopeful note there?

    “Then you can kill her.”  (pg. 126)

 

    “Will you come and see me off?”

    “Of course.  Every wife always wants to know when her husband’s safely out of the picture.”

    “And I gather you’re on the move, too.”

    “Yes.  Because of what’s happening at St. Mary’s, Dr. Bairstow’s moved the schedule forwards.  I’m going back to TPHQ.”

    “Give my love to Matthew.  How’s he doing?”

    “He broke the Time Map.”

    “The boy’s a vandal.  He gets more like his mother every day.”

    “And then showed them how to put it right.”

    “The boy’s a genius.  He gets more like his father every day.”  (pg. 278)

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Firkling (v.) : searching; rummaging.

Others: Jellabiyas (n.).

 

I was well and truly up the River of Excrement and my canoe had no visible means of propulsion.  (pg. 352)

    The profanity is pretty sparse in Hope for the Best; I noticed just 11 instances in the first 20% of the book; all of which of the “milder” ilk.  Max pays a visit to a sex club late in the story, but it’s a rather tame experience.  I didn’t note any typos; so kudos to whoever the editor was.

 

    The series is written in British, not American; so there are a few weird words and spellings for us Yankee readers, including draughty, ploughed, ageing, and storeys.  I’m used to hoovering by now, but the abovementioned firkling stumped me.  Jellabiya is an Arabic term.

 

    That’s the nit-pickiest I can be with Hope for the Best.  It’s another fine time-travel tale with lots of wit, humor, thrills-&-spills, family drama, and, maybe best of all, historical fiction blended in.  I've yet to see any drop-off in the quality of the books in this series.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point our heroes come riding in on what is described as “TWOC’d horses”.  Say what?  That acronym stumped me, so I googled it.  It turns out TWOC stands for “Taken Without Owner’s Consent”. Now you know.

Lost Is The Night - Greg James

   2014; 174 pages.  Full Title: Lost Is The Night: A Grim Dark Fantasy Adventure.  Book 2 (out of 3) in the “Khale the Wanderer” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Dark Fantasy; Time Travel.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    Khale the Wanderer is a stranger in a strange land.  He seeks only shelter for the night, and if luck is with him, yon castle will take pity on him and let him sleep in the stable.  The castle guard that is approaching him will hopefully not try to kill him.

 

    “Master Khale, you are welcome to Castle Barneth.”  The guard somehow knows who he is?  Khale’s self-preservation reflexes go on full alert.

 

    “Come with me, if it pleases you.  The feast is begun and Lord Barneth awaits your company.”  Khale's jaw drops.  He, a lowly traveler, is on the guest list?  Surely this is a trap of some sort.  Can things get any weirder?

 

    “The feast is in your honour, and you are missed.”

 

What’s To Like...

    Lost Is The Night is the continuation of the journey of Khale, a sort of “Conan the Barbarian” protagonist.  It is the sequel to Under A Colder Sun, which I read a couple years ago, and is reviewed here.

 

    Despite the feast being already underway, there are priorities.  Khale is caked with dirt and foul odors from his journeying, and requests a bath, which the steward of Castle Barneth readily arranges.  The bathing amenities include Cacea, a beautiful maiden who will do the scrubbing of Khale.  We’ll let you guess whether other services are offered.

 

    The main storyline involves the subsequent adventures of both Khale and Cacea.  The book’s subtitle, “A Grim Dark Fantasy Adventure”, is quite apt.  The fantasy in this book, and indeed, this series, is not lighthearted, nor intended for kids.  Lord Barneth’s sigil is a red wheel with a crucified victim on it.  The tone of the book reflects that.

 

    I enjoyed the gradual evolution of Khale’s character.  He started out in this series a total anti-hero, but here we are seeing him learning to care about others and about the role he plays in the events unfolding around him.  Does he get to make his own decisions when Thoughtless Dark stands before him?  Or is he simply a meat-and-bones puppet on strings, being manipulated by a higher power?

 

    The ending is appropriately grim and dark, highlighted by an exciting fight scene.  None of the plot threads are resolved, but hey, that’s presumably what the next and final book, Hordes of Chaos, is for.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Goetic (adj.) : pertaining to black magic or necromancy.

Others: Xanthic (adj.); Foetor (n.); Benighted (adj.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.1*/5, based on 52 ratings and 16 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.82*/5, based on 38 ratings and 5 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Good evening, Master Khale.  I am Bartell, his Lordship’s steward, and I will attend to your needs.”

    Khale looked him over.  Dressed in blue-green silks, he looked, for all the world, like an over-embroidered cushion.  The wrinkles in his face wept dry tears of perfumed powder.  When the man smiled falsely at him, the Wanderer saw familiar signs of a life spent eating too many sweetmeats and loqma cakes.

    Rotten on the inside, fragrant as morning on the outside.

    He could taste the sin hanging in the air around this one.  (loc. 180)

 

    Murtagh was speechless as the nightmare thing before him finished pouring the last traces of itself from the bowl where it had been in repose.  The elongated mass rushed at him, a tide of black quicksilver moving across the chamber in a single, sinuous motion that consumed the space between them.  Its lipless mouth opened and continued to open, becoming a gaping wound that muttered to itself in the language of decayed silt and haunted mires.  (loc. 1638)

 

Kindle Details…

    Lost Is The Night sells for $2.99 at Amazon right now.  The other two books in the series go for the same price.  Greg James has several other series and standalone e-books available on Amazon, ranging in price from $0.99 to $2.99.

 

“Slow and predictable,” Khale mocked.  “You fight with too much honour.”.  (loc. 608)

    Surprisingly, I only counted eight cusswords in the first 25% of Lost Is The Night, although five of those were f-bombs.  There are several rolls-in-the-hay and references to three variations of the act of intimacy.  The experience on the red wheel is left to the reader’s imagination but not the outcome.

 

    The editing was good; I espied only one typo, “bows” instead of “boughs”.  As already mentioned, this book takes place immediately after the first book, and there are numerous back-references to events therefrom, so I’d suggest reading this series in chronological order and gearing up that you’re committing to reading all three books in the series.

 

    Finally, keep in mind the books in this series are all short.  The longest book is the first, at a mere 214 pages, and they get progressively shorter as the series continues.

 

    Nonetheless, I enjoyed Lost Is The Night.  It’s a fast-paced action-adventure tale with no slow spots, and the “grim dark fantasy” phrase in the subtitle let me know what to expect as far as R-rated material goes.  I’m curious to see how Greg James manages to resolve all the plotlines in a mere 163 pages of the final book, and will try not to wait two years to read the sequel.

 

    7½ Stars.  One last thing.  You’ll notice “time-travel” is listed as a genre for Lost Is The Night.  When you come to the end of the last chapter, you may, as I did, wonder where the heck the Time Travel was.  Not to worry, you still have the Epilogue to read.