Sunday, December 18, 2022

The Night Raiders - Marlin Williams

   2022; 96 pages.   New Author? : No.  Book 5 (out of 5) in the upcoming Pulp Reality digest “The Lost Adventures of Captain Hawklin”.  Genres : Action & Adventure; Pulp Fiction; Short Stories.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Captain Steven Hawklin rides again!  He flies again!  But most of all, he rockets again!  And he’s doing it all to protect a cargo plane carrying a valuable payload and flying way out over the Atlantic Ocean.

 

    There’s a lot Captain Hawklin doesn’t know about the operation.  Such as who might be trying to bring shoot down the cargo plane.  And what the precious cargo is.  But one thing he knows for sure.

 

    If the cargo plane doesn’t make it to its destination, the smuggler who owns the plane's consifnment will kill the someone especially precious to Captain Hawklin.

 

    Desa Wintergreen.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Night Raiders is a short story penned by Marlin Williams and, as shown in the fabulous cover image above, part of a soon-to-be-released anthology, The Lost Adventures of Captain Hawklin.  It will showcase Charles F. Millhouse's dashing hero, Captain Steven Hawklin, and five veteran Pulp Reality authors have contributed tales to it.

    The action in The Night Raiders starts immediately, and includes lots of furious fighting, damsels in distress, nasty Nazis, and even a femme fatale or two. There are plenty of plot twists, which keeps our hero off-balance and the reader turning the pages. I especially liked the situational ethics dilemma he finds himself in: how should he respond to an unsavory foe who's blackmailing him into aiding and abetting a shady operation?

 

    AFAIK, all the Captain Hawklin adventures are set in the 1930s.  Biplanes exist alongside personal rocket-packs (Captain Hawklin is an ingenious inventor.), and the story's historical details are well-researched.  For instance, I thought I had found a glitch when a Sopwith Camel's propeller shattered because it was made of wood, but it turns out these vintage World War One planes really were equipped with wooden propellers.  Kudos to Marlin Williams for this enlightening bit of historical accuracy.

Ratings…
    Amazon:  5.0/5 based on 1 rating and 1 review. (mine)

    Goodreads: 5.00/5 based on 2 ratings and 0 reviews.

 

Excerpt...

    “Whose dumb idea was it to fly out on a night like this anyway?”

    “It was the broad’s idea,” the pilot shot back.  “She insisted.”

    “I thought German dames were smart, but apparently not that broad.”  The copilot hiked his thumb and aimed it back toward the fuselage.  “She ain’t got a lick of sense.”

    Eva Braun, who was now standing just outside the cockpit spoke coldly.  “This senseless broad was wondering if she could get a cigarette from one of you gentlemen.”  (loc. 473)

 

“How’s a skyrocket strapped to your back supposed to protect us?”  (loc. 456)

    The Night Raiders held my interest throughout and I highly recommend it to any fan of Pulp Fiction. Thus far it's the only one of the five short stories I've read, but thanks to an earlier anthology titled Pulp Reality 2, I'm familiar with the works of all these writers. The others are Brian K. Morris, Bobby Nash, Clyde Hall, and Charles F. Millhouse and I've found all five to be talented storytellers.

 

    Now the only question is whether to buy the other four entries as singles at their present great price (99 cents apiece), or wait for the bundle to come out, which is slated for January 2023. It's a pleasant problem to have.

Friday, December 16, 2022

When Elves Attack - Tim Dorsey

     2011; 192 pages.  Full Title: When Elves Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State.  Book 14 (out of 26) in the Serge Storms series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Florida Crime Noir; Dark Comedy; Stoner Humor; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Deck the malls with bongs of folly!  Serge Storms, Florida’s resident vigilante psychopath, has come down with a bad case of Christmas spirit.  His pal Coleman is happy to go along with whatever plans Serge has as long as drugs and booze are included.

 

    Serge feels the holiday season is too stressful, and it’s time for everyone to chill out.  Shopping malls should be places to relax and mingle, and freeways should be bastions of courteous driving.  People should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.

 

    As always, Serge has a game plan.  It involves some wardrobe adjustments, bright shades of red and green, and pointy hats.

 

    Because what Christmas in Florida needs is more ELVES!!

 

What’s To Like...

   The main question to ask about When Elves Attack is whether Tim Dorsey can seamlessly blend a nutzo psychopathic protagonist into a Christmas-themed storyline.  I’m happy to report that the answer to that is “yes”.  Serge and Coleman don elf costumes and run around doing good deeds for others, at least within the confines of what Serge defines as “good”.

 

    The other side of the question is whether the story still retains enough sex and drugs and senseless violence to satisfy the faithful readers of Tim Dorsey's series.  Again, the answer is “yes”.  When Elves Attack has three instances of Serge’s innovative “vigilante justice”, which is about average for his novels.

 

    A bunch of recurring characters show up for the holiday festivities, including the G-Unit (one of them writes the prologue), and the sexy duo of City and Country (I still haven’t figured out which one’s the blonde), but sadly, neither any of the cops from earlier escapades (the police here are mostly mall cops), nor Johnny Vegas (who would only spoil the Christmas spirit) make an appearance.

 

    As always, the zany plotline zips along briskly, and there are a fair number of malefactors and grinches to pity as they cross paths with Serge.  As always, everything takes place in various locales in Florida: here we get to visit Tampa, Lakeland, and St. Pete Beach.  The title reference comes about a quarter of the way through the book, and absolutely no one will be surprised as to the identities of the “attacking elves”.

 

    I liked the Shirley Temple quote in the epigraph, and enjoyed learning the historical background to a small hamlet called Christmas, Florida. Yes, it really exists, and you can read about its name's origin in Wikipedia.  I chuckled at the “Yule Log” that was worked into the story, and thought some of the author’s views on the polarizing “War on Christmas” were spot on.

 

    The ending was a bit “tame” for a Serge Storms novel, but hey, some allowance has to be made for this being a Christmas-themed novel.  All the plot threads are tied up, the baddies are disposed of, and Serge and Coleman can settle in to wait for Santa, knowing that they’ve helped spread a bit of holiday cheer.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 563 ratings and 276 reviews..

    Goodreads: 3.81/5 based on 2,731 ratings and 351 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Christmas should be about the innocence of children—and adults reverting to children to rediscover their innocence.  That’s why we’re in elf suits.  We’re taking Christmas back!”

    “So how do we spread this good cheer?”

    “Maybe by skipping.  Let’s try skipping.  You see someone skipping, and you wish wars would stop.  Children skip all the time, but you become an adult and forget to skip.  Let’s skip.”

    “Wait up!”  Coleman skipped alongside Serge.  “But I still don’t get this elf thing.  How can we be elves if the mall didn’t hire us?”

    “And that’s what everyone thinks.”  Serge skipped and waved at curious shoppers.  “But there’s no law that says you can’t just unilaterally decide to be an elf, buy a costume, and hit the mall.”  (loc. 464)

 

    “Did you take something again?”

    “Oh no, absolutely not,” said Coleman.  “No, no, no.  Yes, actually a lot.”

    “What did you take?”

    “Mistletoe.”

    Serge blinked hard.  “Mistletoe?”

    Coleman nodded, snatching at the air with his hand for a nonexistent glow bug.  “Mistletoe gets you high.”

    “But mistletoe’s poisonous,” said Serge.  “Extremely poisonous.  Severe gastrointestinal toxin, and a potentially life-threatening drop in pulse.  The hallucinations are just a side effect.”

    “Fair trade off.”  Coleman snatched the air again.  “Cool.”  (loc. 2049)

 

 Kindle Details…

    When Elves Attack currently sells for $13.99 at Amazon.  That seems a bit steep to me for a book that’s only half as long as a typical Serge Storms novel.  But hey, ‘tis the season to maximize profits.  The other books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $14.99.

 

“Please don’t judge all elves by this one incident.” (loc. 1589)

    The quibbles are the usual ones.  There’s some cussing (13 instances in the first 10%) and a couple of rolls-in-the-hay (mostly on the floor, actually), and lots of booze and drugs consumed, mostly by Coleman.  Serge’s methods of meting out judgment is not to everyone’s taste, although I always look forward to those inventive techniques he (Serge/Tim Dorsey) comes up with.

 

    I suppose my only real beef is with the brevity of the book, a mere 192 pages.  But somehow I get the feeling that when most authors sit down to pen a "Christmas edition" for their series, they typically shorten it to half the usual length and don’t use up any of their best ideas for the plotline.

 

    8 StarsWhen Elves Attack was my Christmas read for 2022, and to be honest, it entertained me from start to finish.  Serge and Coleman played the roles of sprightly old elves with enthusiasm and effectiveness.  Now I’ve got another 12 months to decide what my 2023 holiday book should be.

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Ancient Egypt - DK Publishing

   2021; 385 pages.  Full Title: Ancient Egypt: The Definitive Visual History.   New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Ancient History; Egypt; Non-Fiction; Reference.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    My seventh-grade “World History” teacher was Miss Stoudt.  Early in the first semester, she introduced us students to  Ancient Egypt in a rather unique way.

 

    “You can remember the Nile River by looking at your arm,” she said.  “Your shoulder is where the Nile starts, a long way south in central Africa.  Your elbow is where the great city of Thebes is,  And down here where your hand is,” she said spreading her fingers, “is the Nile delta,  the most important part of the Egyptian Empire.”

 

    Her clever demonstration sparked my interest in History then and there, and it remains strong to this day.  I owe it all to Miss Stoudt and her “Nile River arm”.  Alas, that’s the only memory of the history of ancient Egypt that I still remember from her class.  So it was high time I read a book on the subject.

 

    That's where Ancient Egypt: The Definitive Visual History comes in.

 

What’s To Like...

    Ancient Egypt is divided into seven historical eras, and covers a total of 5,395 years.  Event-wise, it starts with an early settlement in lower Egypt around 5,000 BCE, and ends when Egypt is reduced to a mere province in the Roman Empire, with most of its inhabitants converted to Christianity and its gods, such as Horus, depicted in statues as wearing the armor of Roman soldiers.

 

    Structurally, each entry is a 2-page spread, which contains plenty of pictures of Egyptian archaeological discoveries plus a brief summary of whatever topic is being addressed.  Frankly, I was blown away by the number of relics we have of ancient Egypt, many of which are inscribed with lengthy discourses in hieroglyphics, and whose translations are available to historians wanting to learn about Egypt’s past, which goes back more than 7,000 years.

 

    I really liked the “flow” to the book.  All of the 30 or so dynasties are covered to some extent, based on how many relics and ruins remain that commemorate a given ruler.  That means lots of dates and names are given in the book, but it never got tedious because Ancient Egypt also presents lots of aspects of the everyday life for both peasant and pharaoh.  Those "ordinary" topics include:

 

    the layouts of ancient Egyptian bathrooms,

    the partaking of beer and wine (see below),

    board games,

    ancient graffiti,

    how to make mud bricks,

    family life and pets (see below),

    the first fiction novels, including The Tale of Sinuhe (which you can purchase at Amazon) and other bestsellers which were written more than 3,000 years ago.

 

    Both the quality and quantity of the hieroglyphics that have survived the ages are staggering.  I was fascinated by how many photographs of these symbols were included in the book.  One of the final entries covers the Rosetta Stone, an amazing find which allows us to understand and translate the Egyptian pictographs.  It can be argued that it is the greatest archaeological relic ever unearthed.

 

    Two of the most important words I learned thanks to the Rosetta Stone are:

“ka”: the spiritual life force in all humans, and the reason all those tombs and pyramids were built

“maat”: the cosmic order to the world, or in other word, the will of the gods, and thereby the justification of any actions that a pharaoh might take.

 

    There are zero cusswords in the book, which is what I’d expect from a scholarly historical treatise.  Amazon lists both formats as being 400 pages long, but the text ends on page 305, with lots of goodies after that, such as: tables (rulers, deities, sites), glossary, and index.  The author is listed as “DK Publishing”, which is the standard practice for the books they put out, but if you check inside, you’ll find that the text was written by Steven Snape, who, I gather, is no relation to Severus Snape, a renowned professor at Hogwarts.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.8/5 based on 311 ratings and 82 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.42/5 based on 53 ratings and 12 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    For every Egyptian, whether rich or poor, bread was the staple diet and seems to have been eaten at every meal.  It was made from Egypt’s abundant supply of emmer wheat and sometimes barley.  State workers were often paid in bread and sometimes in grain, which suggests that bread was not just made by official bakers, but also by ordinary people in their homes.

    Beer, which was made from the same basic ingredients as bread, was also widely available.  It was produced by both large-scale specialists and local brewers.  Most Egyptian beer was probably quite low in alcohol content, and it seems to have been drunk in large quantities.  (pg. 116)

 

    Egypt has often been claimed as the original home of the household cat.  They were probably domesticated from the Middle Kingdom onward, as images of them do not appear in Old Kingdom reliefs, but wild species are known from much earlier.  The Egyptian word for cat, miw, is certainly derived from the sound that they make.  During the New Kingdom, cats were shown as pets in the tombs of the upper classes, especially with women.  Unlike dogs, cats were rarely given personal names, but there were exceptions.  One cat, known as “The Pleasant One,” is depicted in the tomb of Puiemre, at Thebes.  (pg. 274)

 

Kindle Details…

    Ancient Egypt sells for $19.99 at Amazon at present.  DK Publishing offers what seems to be hundreds of other reference books (I didn’t even try to count them all), with prices mostly ranging from $1.99 to $19.99.

 

“If you have eaten three loaves of bread and drunk two jugs of beer and your belly is still hungry, restrain it!” (Ancient Egyptian Wisdom Text)  (pg. 117)

    The only gripes I have about Ancient Egypt involve the Kindle format.

 

    Be aware that, in order to convert from the hardcover to ebook format, DK Publishing chose to scan each page.  That means you can’t highlight any of the text, the index entries don’t link to anything, and worst of all, the ebook eats up a major chunk of your Kindle storage capacity.

 

    Look it up at Amazon: the size for this ebook is a whopping 232,625 KB.  Now compare it to some text-only ebook on your Kindle, where the typical file size is 1,000 to 10,000 KB.  That means that this book is the equivalent of 23 to 232 “text-only” ebooks.

 

    To be fair, the text could not easily be done apart from the scanning due to the clever placement of the many images.  And DK Publishing does helpfully point out that tapping twice on your Kindle screen automatically expands the page image to a readable font size.  It took a bit of finagling, but eventually I hit upon a method that visually worked for me.  You will too.

 

    Finally, I must note that whoever at DK Publishing did the Kindle-version blurb, got the subtitle of the book wrong.  The correct subtitle, as shown in the cover mage above, is “The Definitive Visual History”, the Kindle page erroneously calls it “The Definitive Illustrated History”.  C’mon, dude, you had one job.

 

    But let’s be clear: Ancient Egypt is a fantastic effort, with both the text and the pictures being simply jaw-dropping in content.  I highly recommend this book to all history buffs, but do yourself a favor and shell out the added bucks for the Hardcover version, not the ebook.

 

    9 Stars.  Etymology note: In common parlance, the word “graffiti” can be both singular and plural.  The one exception is when it involves archaeology, when the Italian-based word “graffito” is then correct.  Kudos to the writers and editors of Ancient Egypt for getting this right.  English is a goofy language.

Thursday, December 8, 2022

Nostradamus Ate My Hamster - Robert Rankin

   1996; 317 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Science Fiction; British Humour; Absurdism; Time Travel.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Something terrible has happened to Brentford!  Adolf Hitler has shown up there.

 

    Naturally, there is some doubt whether it’s really him.  It’s likely an impostor, since this is the 1990s and this Hitler looks like the real one did way back in the 1940s.  And the real Adolf Hitler has been dead for a half century.  So if it is someone impersonating him, it’s in very poor taste.

 

    Anyway, that’s not the terrible thing.  The real calamity is that everyone’s favorite pub in Brentford, The Flying Swan, has disappeared.  Atomized in the twinkling of an eye.  Along with everyone who was in there at the time.  That includes the famous patrons, Jim Pooley and John Omally, as well as the part-time barman, Neville.

 

    And as any loyal reader of Robert Rankin’s “far-fetched fantasy novels” (the author’s self-description) can tell you, the disappearance of those three characters is a huge loss.

 

What’s To Like...

    Nostradamus Ate My Hamster centers around the workers at a Brentford “prop house” (suppliers of the props for any movies being made in the vicinity) called Fudgepacker’s Emporium.  The main characters are Ernest Fudgepacker (the owner), Frank (the manager), Bobby Boy (the gofer), and Russell (the salesman), the latter being our protagonist.

 

    There are three main plotlines to follow: a.) what the heck happened to The Flying Swan?, b.) is that really Adolf Hitler?, and c.) which of the various 'other worlds’ that Russell gets dropped into is the real one?  Mayhem and confusion abound as Russell (and the reader) try to make sense of it all.

 

    The book is written in English, not American, and that’s always a delight for me.  It was fun to suss out things like groaning trays, gasometers, Arthur Negus, Dixon of Dock Green, and get reacquainted with that esoteric bit of slang “having a shifty”.

 

    The “Terry Pratchett-esque” footnotes were a treat, so was the bit of poetry by the author on pages 220-21.  The “Magic Stone” tale was enlightening (be sure to ponder its metaphor), and the concept making “Hologram Movies” felt like a glimpse of cinematic technology that will be routine in another 50 years or so.  The clever way that Robert Rankin inserted himself into the storyline as a minor character made me chuckle.

 

    The ending was decent and wraps up the main plotlines nicely.  It’s not particularly exciting, but it is a happy one, and as the author points out, that counts for something.  Although the setting is a familiar one, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster is a standalone novel and not part of any of the various series that Robert Rankin has penned.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Skip (n., slang) : a dumpster (British).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 44 ratings and 18 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.73*/5, based on 1,168 ratings and 59 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You’ve a memo on your desk, though.”

    “A memo?”  Russell perused his empty desk top.  “Where is it?” he asked.

    “I threw it away,” said Frank.

    “Why?”

    “Because it was exactly the same as the one I got.”

    “But it was addressed to me?”

    “Yes, but it was the same memo.”

    “So what did it say?”

    “Yours or mine?”  (pg. 88)

 

    “So what you’re saying, is that by going into the future and stealing the equipment that would change the future, the future Bobby Boy went into what was a future that had already been changed, by him having stolen the equipment and used it in the then-past, which is our present?”

    “Exactly.  It’s all so simple when you put it like that.”  (pg. 248)

 

“Our good woman the fairy has made her yearly phoenix rise from the biscuit tin, I see.”  (pg. 13)

    I’m a longtime fan of anything Robert Rankin pens, so it is not surprising that the quibbles are minor.

 

    The cussing is minimal; I noted only a half-dozen instances in the first third of the book, and those were five references to the excretory system, plus one f-bomb.

 

    The book’s enigmatic title was a major draw for me, but it was a bit of a letdown that neither Nostradamus nor a hamster showed up in the story.  In fairness, the title does get tied into the plotline twice, but it would be a spoiler to go into details.

 

    Lastly and leastly, although I can grudgingly accept Pooley, O’Mally, and Neville being relegated to supporting characters for a change, the poor spaniel Spot getting run over by a bus was just too much for my sensitive psyche.

 

    8 Stars.  Several reviewers noted that they had trouble following the storyline.  They have a point, but letting the plot threads run amok before deftly resolving them is a trademark of a Robert Rankin tale.  Nostradamus Ate My Hamster was an enjoyable read for me, but if you’ve never read anything by this author, I wouldn’t recommend starting with this one.

Friday, December 2, 2022

Still Life With Crows - Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

   2003; 435 pages.  Book 4 (out of 20, soon to be 21) in the “Agent Pendergast” series.  New Author? : No and No.  Genre : Suspense; Thriller; Natural or Supernatural?.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    There’s a serial killer loose in Medicine Creek, Kansas.  Sheriff Dent Hazen thinks it’s some out-of-town psycho since he knows everybody in Medicine Creek, and none of them fit the profile of a psychopath.

 

    He’s a little perturbed that Special Agent Pendergast of the FBI has just shown up in Medicine Creek and is offering to “assist” in the investigation.  This is Hazen’s case, and he’s not one to share the glory with anyone else, especially some outsider.

 

    Although come to think of it, it is a bit odd that the FBI should take an interest in events in Medicine Creek.  And a phone call to the Kansas FBI office indicates they didn’t send any of their agents there.  Now that he thinks about, Sheriff Hazen realizes that Pendergast and the serial killer seem to have arrived upon the scene at about the same time.

 

    Maybe this "Agent Pendergast" and the serial killer are one and the same!

 

What’s To Like...

    Still Life With Crows is an early installment in Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child’s fantastic “Agent Pendergast” series, and introduces a recurring character, Corrie Swanson, a Goth-dressing teenager who can’t wait till she’s legally old enough to leave boring old Medicine Creek behind and move somewhere else.  Pendergast hires her to be his personal assistant on the case, tapping into her firsthand knowledge of all the locals, since he’s convinced the murderer is one of them.

 

    As usual, the crime-mystery aspect is skillfully constructed.  Agent Pendergast is a “Sherlock Holmesian” type of sleuth and it’s always fun to tag along with him and try to solve the case before he does.  Here, the list of suspects and motives is lengthy.  I thought I solved the case a half-dozen times, none of which turned out to be correct.  There’s also a nice touch of “is it natural or supernatural?” to the mystery, which I always enjoy.

 

    I also liked that all of the characters were “gray”.  Sheriff Hazen may be uncooperative with Pendergast and Corrie, but when things come to a head, he shows a dogged determination to uncover the killer, even if it proves him wrong.  Similarly, the killings may be horrific, but those responsible for the carnage do have a few redeeming qualities.

 

    There were a couple of neat music references: NIN, Tool, and an obscure (for me, at least) group called Kryptopsy.  You can follow the step-by-step instructions to learn how to pick a lock, which might come in handy, and walk through a slaughterhouse for turkeys, which might cause you to eat just a salad on Thanksgiving Day.  The mention of “shoo-fly pie” brought back childhood memories, and being a chemist, I loved the mention of “C12H22O11” as part of the investigation.

 

    The ending is nicely drawn out, being several chapters long, and suitably exciting and gory.  The final chapter is an Epilogue, with a couple surprising plot twists just when you thought things were winding down.  All the story threads are tied up, and the reasons for some of the ritualistic slayings will make your jaw drop.  For the most part, I’ve been reading this series in order, but it isn’t necessary.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Phreatic (adj.) : relating to or denoting underground water in the zone of saturation (beneath the water table).

Others: Parfleche (n.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 2,562 ratings and 861 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.20*/5, based on 35,775 ratings and 1,844 reviews.

 

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren’t…

    “Miss Swanson, would you kindly hold the flashlight while I examine the posterior of this dog?”  (loc. 1313)

 

Excerpts...

    “Only a dipshit would stay in a town like this.”

    There was a pause.

    “Miss Swanson?”

    “What?”

    “I can see that an insufficient, or perhaps even defective, socialization process has led you to believe that four-letter words add power to language.”

    It took Corrie a moment to parse what Pendergast had said.  “’Dipshit’ isn’t a four-letter word.”

    “That depends on whether you hyphenate it or not.”  (loc. 893)

 

    “Have you ever heard of a memory palace?”

    “No.”

    “It is a mental exercise, a kind of memory training, that goes back at least as far as the ancient Greek poet Simonides.  It was refined by Matteo Ricci in the late fifteenth century, when he taught the technique to Chinese scholars.  I perform a similar form of mental concentration, one of my own devising, which combines the memory palace with elements of Chongg Ran, an ancient Bhutanese form of meditation.  I call my technique a memory crossing.”

    “You’ve totally lost me.”  (loc. 3249)

 

Kindle Details…

    Still Life With Crows presently sells for $10.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series range in price from $7.99 to $11.99.

 

“I’d rather be sucking gibs out of a turkey than ending up gibs in a field myself.”  (loc. 2376)

    I’m admittdly hooked on this series, so the quibbles are minor.

 

    Be aware that Still Life With Crows contains a goodly amount of cussing.  I counted 27 instances in the first 10%.  That’s a higher rate than I remember for other books that I’ve read in this series.  Also, there are multiple killings in the storyline, and we sometimes get to witness the victim’s final moments, with the requisite blood and gore.  This is not a cozy mystery.

 

    The reader gets to witness a truckload of turkeys getting killed in the slaughterhouse.  I once had to tour a beef slaughterhouse in Texas as part of my job.  It’s the only time in my adult life that I seriously considered becoming a vegetarian.  To boot, a couple of dogs die along the way, in brutal fashion.  

 

    Finally, there’s a brief mention of a place in Arizona called “Leisure”.  I live in Arizona; I’ve never heard of any place with that name.  We do have a retirement community in the Phoenix area called “Leisure World”.  I suspect that what was being referenced.

 

    That’s about it for the nitpicking.  Overall, I thought Still Life With Crows was a great Suspense-Thriller tale.  For me, it was a page-turner, and I use that term sparingly.  Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child are still churning out the books in this series at the rate of about one per year, and that’s not counting several spin-off series.  I don’t know how they do it.

 

    9 Stars.  One last childhood memory.  The phrase “hawked up a loogie”, gets used early in the book.  I can attest that as a young lad, the ability to perform that feat, with the loogie having the optimal density and traveling a creditable distance, was a sure way of gaining the respect and awe of my fellow male classmates.

Friday, November 25, 2022

The Walking Drum - Louis L'Amour

   1984; 468 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres: Historical Fiction; Action-Adventure.  Overall Rating: 7*/10.

 

    For young Mathurin Kerbouchard, it’s time to leave home.  That’s not a decision he has spent a long time contemplating, but last night forces of the local evil powermonger, the Baron de Tournemine killed his mother and burnt down his home in Brittany.

 

    Mathurin barely escaped by fleeing into the underbrush, and the Baron’s henchmen are sure to return today to hunt him down and kill him.  He needs to flee immediately, and hopefully find safe haven with his father.

 

    Alas, his father, Jean Kerbouchard is a pirate.  Tracking him down is going to be almost impossible, since pirates like to keep their whereabouts a secret.  But hey look!  There’s a ship getting ready to sail just below where Mathurin is hiding.  Maybe they've heard something about his dad's whereabouts and maybe he can hitch a ride with them.

 

    What a shame that the only opening they have on their ship is for a galley slave.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Walking Drum chronicles the travels of Mathurin Kerbouchard around Europe, and later western Asia, as he tries to find news of, and make contact with, his father.  But the story takes place in 1176 AD, and long-distance communication is understandably spotty.  One source says his dad is cruising the seas around Cyprus doing the piracy thing, another says he’s dead.  A third source says he’s being held prisoner in an impregnable fortress in Persia.  None of the sources are up-to-date or reliable.

 

    As a work of Historical Fiction, The Walking Drum succeeds wonderfully.  It quickly becomes obvious that Louis L’Amour did a ton of research for this novel.  The first part of the book takes place in Moorish Spain, at that time one of the most civilized places in the world.  Books are readily available, and Mathurin quickly becomes absorbed in both them and the learning of foreign languages.

 

    On a more practical note, he also becomes skilled in the use of weapons and the charming of beautiful women.  The latter necessitates the use of the former since jealous beaus and jilted lovers abound, leading to lots of action scenes.  When Mathurin finally sets out to try to find his father, the adventures kick in.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV, and there are two maps in the front of the book – one of Europe, one of Southwest Asia – that serve as a medieval GPS system for keeping track of Mathurin’s wanderings.  His fortunes rise and fall; sometimes his means of travel are magnificent Arab horses, other times he’s reduced to walking.  The book’s title comes from a huge drum that's sometimes beaten to set the pace for pedestrians tagging along in a caravan, but it also can mean the internal pace a walker sets when faced with the prospect of a long, grueling trek.  You just set your pace to that imaginary drum and get on with it.

 

    Louis L’Amour includes dozens of “diversions” into the historical details of 1179 AD.  It was fun to sit with Mathurin in the coffee shops of Cordoba and discuss philosophy with other scholars, or dispense personal opinions of the works of ancient writers such as Socrates and Plato.  And if coffee’s not your cup of tea, you can treat yourself to a refreshing mug of sherbet.  The author gives the etymology of medieval words like “assassins” and “grocer”, and relates how Eratosthenes, a Greek mathematician, calculated the diameter of the Earth way back in 194 BC, meaning that the stuff you were taught in grade school about Columbus “discovering” the Earth was round is pure malarkey.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Raubritter (n.) : a robber baron; a robber knight (German)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 1,801 ratings and 615 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.24*/5, based on 8,644 ratings and 787 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    My father had brought from Moorish Spain a love of beauty and cleanliness.  So, accustomed to my own home, I could not abide the ill-smelling castles of nobles who had little but weapons and pride.

    The old Crusaders learned a little, but merchants and minstrels had picked up the Moorish habit of bathing, changing their clothing instead of allowing it to wear out and drop off.  Occasionally, travelers brought books to their homes.  But books of any kind were rare in the land of the Franks, and the few available were eagerly read—but read only in private for fear the church might disapprove.  (pg. 149)

 

    “Have you no reverence?” the teacher demanded.

    “I have reverence for all who ask questions and seek honest answers.”

    “A philosopher!” laughed a student.

    “A wanderer in search of answers,” I said, then to the teacher, “You asked if I have reverence?  I have reverence for truth, but I do not know what truth is.  I suspect there are many truths, and therefore, I suspect all who claim to have the truth.”  (pg. 245)

 

“A scholar with money!  What have you done, robbed a priest?”  (pg. 250)

    It should be noted that the text of The Walking Drum is incredibly clean.  I didn’t note any cusswords, nor any rolls-in-the-hay, which is amazing given that Mathurin is constantly beguiling beautiful women.  The Historical Fiction aspect is excellently done, and there’s enough thrills-&-spills to make Dirk Pitt jealous.  So why the mediocre rating?

 

    Well for starters, the character-development is poor.  Mathurin is especially unrealistic: he  becomes an expert instantly in any skill he becomes interested in, including philosophy, debating, acrobatics, horsemanship, weaponry, languages, escapes, and of course, women.

 

    The storytelling is shallow and simplistic.  The main plotline is Mathurin’s search for his father, but for the first half of the book you’re left wondering when the heck he’s going to get started.  When he finally gets around to it, his crafty plan for getting into where is father is being held works only because of a couple of way-too-convenient godsends.

 

    The ending is exciting but terribly contrived.  The main baddie is a complete idiot.  He arranges a meeting between Mathurin and his father (idiocy #1), but allows Mathurin to wear his trusty sword when doing so (idiocy #2), then demands that Mathurin commit an unspeakable atrocity on his dad (idiocy #3).  Even so, it takes a convenient “secret door” (idiocy #4) with a convenient 24-hour hiding place (idiocy #5) to make the rescue attempt work.

 

    Louis L’Amour is of course known primarily for his writing of Classic Western novels.  In reading the Wikipedia article about him, it appears the above critiques are typical of his writing style.  Luckily, I read The Walking Drum to get a "feel" for life in Europe during the 12th Century, and in the respect, the book did not disappoint.  But I wasn't left with a desire to read any of his westerns.

 

    7 Stars.  The main plotline, that of Mathurin rescuing his father, is adequately resolved.  But the tale ends with our hero about to set out for Hind (present-day India) to reunite with one of his ladyloves.  That was the intended sequel, and a third book was also planned, with Mathurin journeying all the way to China.  Alas, those two books were never written, most likely due to the author’s declining health.  The Walking Drum was published in 1984, Louis L’Amour died of lung cancer in 1988.  I dearly wish his estate would hire somebody to write those sequels.