Inspector Hobbes and the Bones - Wilkie Martin

   2017; 345 pages.  Book 4 (out of 5) in the “Unhuman” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Dark Humor; Paranormal Fiction; Humorous British Detective Cozy Mystery Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    Life is tough right now for Andy Caplet.

 

    His wife Daphne has left him.  Okay, not permanently, but to go on an archaeological expedition in Egypt.  Who knows how long she’ll be gone?

 

    But the other things are a bit more mysterious.  Some stranger walking past him just punched Andy in the nose for no discernible reason.  Then a passing car almost ran him over, and still later somebody shot him in a most sensitive area with an air rifle.  Talk about having a bad day.

 

    Maybe these things are all just a bunch of coincidences.  Maybe not.  Maybe it has to do with that less-than-glowing restaurant review Andy wrote in the newspaper that he works for.  Chefs can be hypersensitive about and criticism of their dishes.

 

    About the only good thing that happened to him so far today was a ravishing blonde named Sally who came on to him right after he was almost run over.  Sexy young women rarely do that to Andy.  True, he’s a married man now, but Daphne is far away in Egypt.  Sally has just invited him to lunch, and since nothing will come of it, so why shouldn't Andy accept?

 

    Be sure to smile for the camera, Andy.

 

What’s To Like...

    Inspector Hobbes and the Bones is the fourth book in Wilkie Martin’s “Unhuman” series, which I'm reading in order.  Daphne’s extended absence allows Andy to once again play Dr. Watson to Inspector Hobbes’s Sherlock Holmes in another paranormal whodunit full of scary not-so-humans,  charming wit, and groan-worthy puns.

 

    The plot structure will be familiar to readers of this series: we start with a simple case of who-or-what killed Skeleton Bob’s pet pig, and things quickly get more complicated and weird for our sleuthing duo.  Andy is always two steps behind Hobbes in the investigation, but in the end serves a crucial, if unwilling, part in the solving of the case.  It all may be formulaic, but I quite like the formula.

 

    Once again, I learned all sorts of British terms that somehow didn’t make it across the pond: bollocking, budging up, wellies, wotcha, holdall, snogging, doxy, a gippy tummy, a plastic wheelie bin, and lots more. Then there are the alternate spellings: pyjamas, sceptical, foetid, kerb, maths, and many others.  Who says English isn't a foreign language?

 

    I also enjoyed being immersed in English culture.  The English breakfasts are a true gustatory delight; I’ve had them a couple times while over there.  Hobbes is a Cryptic Crossword fan; so am I.  And I chuckled at the different views as to what is “recent” and what is “ancient”.  In England, something from the Middle Ages is recent history; in America anything even 100 years old is ancient.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV, Andy’s, and is set in and around the fictional Cotswold village of Sorenchester.  There’s a nice mix of paranormal critters, some recurring, others new, and most of which are not precisely identified by unhuman type (another formulaic trait of this series).  This is a cozy mystery: there's no R-rated stuff, a minimum of violence, and only about a dozen mild cusswords in the entire book.

 

    The ending is okay, but not spectacular.  Andy, Hobbes, and Billy the Dwarf combine to save the day, although Andy (and therefore the reader) somehow misses all the excitement.  The last chapter serves as an epilogue, tying up the usual plethora of secondary plot threads, including the boar, the embarrassing photos, Mimi, and the unruly rugby players.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Bespoke (adj.) : made for a particular customer or user.

Others: Wittering (v.); Wendigo (n.); Hoik (v.); Wazzock (n.); Scrag (v.); Yomping (v., a Britishism).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 424 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.18/5 based on 1,283 ratings and 122 reviews

 

 Excerpts...

    “Do you know anything about her?”

    “Not a great deal, dear.  She brought a lot of bother to the old fellow a few years ago.  I gather she was something of a man-eater.”

    “Do you mean she fancied him?”  I’d always struggled to believe any woman, or at least any human woman, could have the hots for Hobbes.  There was just something too feral about him.  Besides, not even his mother would have considered him good-looking, though, in fairness, there was a rough gallantry about him.

    “No.  She ate men.  Really.  Well, bits of them.  Perhaps she was more of a man-taster.”  (loc. 2316)

 

    “You may well be right about this being their accommodation.”

    “Thanks, but … umm … thinking about it again, I’m not so sure.  She, Hilda that is, was really smartly dressed, at least I think she was, and she didn’t look like she’d been sleeping in a hut.”

    Hobbes shrugged.  “If she’s what I suspect she is, she could easily appear smart to one such as you.”

    “What d’you mean ‘one such as me’?”  (loc. 3161)

 

Kindle Details…

    Inspector Hobbes and the Bones is priced at $4.99 at Amazon right now, the same as for Books 2 and 3.   Book 1 costs only $2.99, so does the newly-released fifth book, Inspector Hobbes and the Common People, which I snatched up during a much-appreciated “pre-release” special.

 

Her distrust and dislike had multiplied after I accidently hit her in the face with a dead rat.  (loc. 1044)

    I enjoyed Inspector Hobbes and the Bones, but did find some things to nitpick about.

 

    While the pacing is pleasingly brisk – Andy never seems to run out of ways to get himself in trouble – it did feel like a lot of time was spent on inconsequential tangents.  The boar investigation and Daphne’s archaeological journey both chewed up a lot of pages, but the former seemed to be nothing more than a distraction, and the latter felt like it was only there to give Andy an excuse to move in with Hobbes and Mrs. Goodfellow for a while.

 

    To boot, we really make no progress in learning exactly what sort of otherworldly creature Hobbes and some of the secondary characters are, including the main baddies.  Yes, Hobbes certainly exhibits werewolf traits.  But is he really one?  If so, how did he get that way, how many centuries old is he, and does he have a hairy, lupine Achilles’ heel?  Ditto for the creatures called “the sly ones”, the wendigos, and Stillingham stilthounds.  Inquiring minds want more details about the various beasties, even if things are revealed bit by bit, and book by book.

 

    But I pick at nits.  The emphasis in the Unhuman series is on Andy’s antics, Hobbes’s hunches, and the abundance of wit and ha-has that Wilkie Martin manages to work into each tale.  The series' target audience isn’t so much the lovers of Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes, as it is the lovers of Terry Pratchett's Rincewind.

 

    7½ Stars.  The first three e-books in this series all came out within a 12-month period in 2013-14.  Then there was a 2-year lag before this one was published.  The gap between Books 4 and 5 was even wider: 4½ years.  This makes me wonder:  has Wilkie Martin grown tired of writing this series, the way Arthur Conan Doyle grew tired of penning Sherlock Holmes tales?  Let's hope not.

Inspector Hobbes and the Gold Diggers - Wilkie Martin

   2014; 293 pages.  Book 3 (out of 4) in the “Unhuman” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Dark Humor; Paranormal Fiction; Humorous British Detective; Cozy Mystery.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Someone tried to swipe all the gold in Grossman’s Bank!  Fortunately, Inspector Hobbes was quickly on the scene and saved the day by recovering the loot.  Now he’s the media’s latest hero, and every reporter in the area is parked on his front porch, wanting to interview him.

 

    Unfortunately, Inspector Hobbes is a very publicity-shy individual, and understandably so.  His past in somewhat blurry: he seems to have been around for more than a century.  And he has some rather bizarre personal habits that he’d like to keep private.  Things such as eating raw meat fresh off the bone, and running wild whenever there’s a full moon.  Shining a television spotlight on him is probably not in his best interest.

 

    So maybe it would be prudent of him to use up some vacation time, leave town, and quietly get away from it all.  Venture to someplace way out in the sticks, pitch a tent, and take up hiking as a hobby.  His buddy Andy Caplet can go with him.  I'm sure it won't be long before the media finds a new idol to chase after, and they'll forget all about Hobbes.

 

    Sounds like a plan.  About the only thing that could spoil things is if that out-of-the-way spot has some gold issues of its own.  But what are the odds of that?

 

What’s To Like...

    Inspector Hobbes and the Gold Diggers is another fine effort in Wilkie Martin’s fun paranormal “Unhuman” series.  Andy once again serves as our narrator, and plays “Watson” to Inspector Hobbes’s “Holmes”.  All of my favorite characters are back, including Featherlight Binks, Billy Shawcroft, Mrs. Goodfellow, and of course, Hobbes’s faithful pooch, “Dregs”.

 

    Once again there are a bunch of storylines to keep our heroes on their toes, including:

a.) Who tried to steal the gold the first time?

b.) Who succeeded in stealing it the second time?

c.) What happened to Mrs. Duckworth’s husband?

d.) How did Andy “lose” two days?

e.) Why does Hobbes find the ordinary-looking rocks around Blackcastle so interesting?

f.) Why is somebody trying to hurt Mrs. Duckworth?

 

    Wilkie Martin lives in the Cotswolds section of England where the series is set; thus the book is written in “English”, not “American”.  So things can be squiffy, poncey, or even manky; people say “wotcha” when meeting each other (we really need to start using that word here in the US); there are bizarrely-named things such as windscreens and wheelie bins; and you can be “turfed” out of your room, but hopefully not “nutted” by someone.  I love reading stories in a foreign language such as English.

 

    Food names are equally esoteric.  Toad-in-the-hole is explained below, but you can also chow down on chapatti, vindaloo, or hotpot, and wash it all down with a pint of scrumpy.  Apple dumplings are also on the menu, with which I'm already familiar, and they are mouth-wateringly yummy.  Andy acquires a love interest at long last, and finally learns Hobbes’s full name, and (apparently) what sort of creature he is.  I don't recall meeting Sid Sharples before but he's now one of my favorite characters.  You want him on your side in a fight even if he thinks he's a vampire.

 

    The ending is suitably exciting and twisty, with Andy being both a help and a hindrance to Hobbes’s best-laid plans.  The last couple chapters are really an epilogue, tying up some (but not all) of the plot threads, and posing some new questions which, presumably, will be addressed in Book 4, Inspector Hobbes and the Bones.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Toad-in-the-Hole (n., phrase.) : a dish consisting of sausages baked in batter.  (a Britishism)

Others: Scrumpy (n., British); Emetic (adj.); Sticklebacks (n., plural); Balaclava (n.)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.7/5 based on 264 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.22/5 based on 1,112 ratings and 70 reviews

 

 

Excerpts...

    “What the heck is this?”

    “Hedbury Best Bitter,” said Billy.

    “Jeez!  What’s their worst bitter like?  It’s warm and it tastes like … I don’t know what the heck it tastes like.  Is there something wrong with it?”

    I cringed, expecting Featherlight to explode at the slur.  Billy reached under the counter for the steel helmet he’d taken to wearing in times of crisis as Featherlight turned to face her.

    “She didn’t mean it,” I said.  “She’s just not used to British beer.  She’s from America.”  (loc.13726.  Note: all location numbers are from the bundle version of Books 1-3.)

 

    “The Butcher of Barnley delivered some of his best pork and leek sausages last night and the lass is making toad in the hole.”

    “Last night?”  Doesn’t he always deliver punctually in the afternoons?”

    “Normally, but he was delayed.”

    “Really?  Why?”

    “He slipped and sat on the mincer.  It meant he got a little behind in his sausage making.”  (loc. 14674)

 

Kindle Details…

    Inspector Hobbes and the Gold Diggers sells for $4.99 at Amazon right now, as do Books 2 and 4.   Book 1 goes for $2.99.  Books 1-through-3 can also be bought as a bundle for $8.09.  Wilkie Martin offers two other e-books at Amazon: Razor, a fantasy-thriller for $4.99; and Relative Disasters, a short book of “silly verse” (the author's words, not mine) for children for $2.99.

 

“Does Daddy often bring home freaks off the street?”  (loc. 12913)

    There's not much to nitpick about in Inspector Hobbes and the Gold Diggers.  As already mentioned, not all the plot threads are fully resolved, but I suspect that’s deliberate and serves as a teaser for the next book in the series.  Also, the manner in which the two "Gold Diggers" storylines are tied together seemed a bit too convenient to be believable.  Finally, although the reason for Hobbes's "strangeness" is revealed here, I for one am still skeptical about it. 

 

    But none of that matters; Inspector Hobbes and the Gold Diggers was a page-turner for me, and the things that matter most – the action, the witty dialog, the character development, and above all, the groan-inducing puns – are all here in abundance.  The pace is brisk and there are literally no slow spots in the story.  If you're in the mood for a light, funny, cozy mystery with "unhuman" critters walking around amongst blissfully unaware mortals, this book, and this series, is for you. 

 

    8 Stars.  Three books down, one to go.  My biggest fear is that this is an already-completed series.  Book 4 came out in 2016, since then Wilkie Martin hasn't published any more adventures involving Inspector Hobbes and Andy Caplet.  Is it possible that they've been put out to pasture?  Say it ain't so, Wilkie!

Inspector Hobbes and the Curse - Wilkie Martin

   2013; 355 pages.  Book 2 (out of 4) in the “Unhuman” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Dark Humor; Werewolves; Humorous British Detective Cozy Mystery Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    Someone – or something – has just killed a sheep.  It sounds like a pretty small, dull crime to investigate, but Andy Caplet tags along with Inspector Hobbes anyway.

    Someone – or something – has been killing pheasants.  Maybe the sheep-killer likes to vary its source of nourishment.  Or maybe the two cases are completely unrelated.  That seems like something that Hobbes should be able to figure out without too much difficulty.

    Skeleton Bob says he saw a huge cat prowling around the countryside last night.  Maybe that’s what’s been killing the critters.  Or maybe Skeleton Bob is trying to throw Hobbes off the track, since he's known to occasionally partake in poaching.  That makes him a prime suspect in all of this.

    There is one very strange facet to the investigation though.  Inspector Hobbes has a nose that’s as good as a bloodhound’s..  No one is quite sure why, and no one wants to ask him about it.  Yet in sniffing around while looking for clues in these killings, Hobbes keeps finding, then losing, the scents.

    Curiouser and curiouser.

What’s To Like...

    Inspector Hobbes and the Curse is the second novel in a (completed?) four-book “paranormal sleuthing” series with Andy playing Dr. Watson to Inspector Hobbes’s Sherlock Holmes.  It is written in the first-person point-of-view, Andy’s, which is entertaining since he’s subject to more pratfalls than a Chevy Chase routine.

    Wilkie Martin neatly weaves a slew of plotlines together, namely:

a.) Who’s killing the sheep and pheasants?

b.) Did Skeleton Bob really see a big cat?

c.) What’s behind the hidden door in Inspector Hobbes’s basement?

d.) Who, or what, are Violet and Felix?

e.) Why would someone want an elephant transported to Brighton?

f.) Who killed the hot-headed neighbor, and why?

g.) Who killed the thug, and why?

h.) Who, or what, is Hobbes?

    I’m happy to say that you'll find all these questions answered in this book, save one.

    The story is set in the present-day greater London area.  There’s a nice variety of critters to meet and flee from, including (but not limited to) werewolves, vampires, troglodytes (huh?) and even a muppet (double-huh?).  Wilkie Martin is British, and it was fun to be “immersed” in English daily life, such as ginger beer, pork rolls with apple sauce, Sugar Puffs, and calling “999” for an emergency instead of “9-1-1”.

    I enjoyed attending the First Annual Grand Sorenchester Music Festival, even if things did get out of hand.  Hobbes and Mrs. Goodfellow say they attended the 1967 Monterrey Festival and hung out with the hippies, so I wonder how the two festivals compare to each other.  And I’m almost tempted to get the audiobook version of this book just  to hear Hobbes do his rendition of Puff, The Magic Dragon.  Amid all the craziness, Wilkie Martin subtly examines some more-serious themes, namely spousal abuse and the manliness of hunting.

    Inspector Hobbes and the Curse is written in English, not American, and there are a slew of new terms for common items to suss out, including: doddle, moggy, jacket potato, pong, fly sheet, footwell, settles, bin liner, skint, bleeper, scarper, AGM, spotty herbert, dust-dancers, cutlery draw, shufti, picnic hamper, stodge, going to the Casualty, skip, ‘having me on’, pebble-dashed, top up, nutters, lay-by, slowcoach, selvedge, tosser, punters, dozy, bacon-butties, and ‘trying it on’. 

    The ending is decent, with an fair amount of excitement mixed with a twist or two to keep everyone on their toes.  A good bottle of wine gets wasted, and some of the baddies get away, but that’s the way the biscuit crumbles, and perhaps those evildoers might appear in the subsequent books.

Kewlest New Word ...

Spotty herbert (n., phrase.) : a foolish person.  (a Britishism)

Others: Moggy (n., British); Doddle (n., British).

Excerpts...

    “He damn near blew my head off once, when I was picking nuts in the woods by his hedge.”

    “Why?” asked Hobbes.

    “Because I like nuts.”

    Hobbes chuckled.  “No, why did he shoot you?”

    “He said he mistook me for a stray dog.”

    “But dogs don’t pick nuts.”

    “That’s what I told him.”  (loc. 5566)

    A tongue of hot red flame hurled him and the door across the cellar and, though it all happened so fast, I’m sure he whooped just before he slammed into the back wall.  There was a deafening roar, a flash of heat and a rumble.

    I picked myself up, coughing in the dust haze.

    “Well,” said Hobbes, standing up, rubbing his elbow, “that would have been more fun if the wall hadn’t got in the way.”  (loc. 10318)

Kindle Details…

    Inspector Hobbes and the Curse presently sells for $4.99 at Amazon.  Books 3 and 4 in this series also go for $4.99, while Book 1 is only $2.99.  Alternatively, you can get Books 1-3 in a bundle (which is how I’m reading these) for $8.09.

“Hanging round crematoriums always gives me an appetite.”  (loc. 7648 )

    There’s nothing major to quibble about in Inspector Hobbes and the Curse.  Wilkie Martin calls this a “Humorous British Detective Cozy Mystery Fantasy” and who am I to argue with him?  Still, if you’re a “cozy” enthusiast, you may find the cussing, which albeit is minimal in quantity, to be out-of-place.

    Also, if you’re reading this book for its mystery element, you may be disappointed.  I figured out the “who did what and how and why” early on.  Andy Caplet is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I found it hard to believe that Inspector Hobbes took so long to figure things out.

    However, all this is nitpicking.  I think it’s better to read Inspector Hobbes and the Curse for its zany “Jeeves-like” humor, not its whodunit.  When you take that approach, you’ll likely find this to be an excellent read.

    7½ Stars.  Subtract ½ Star if you don’t like books written in “English”.  I happen to think it’s a delightful way to learn a "foreign" language.

Inspector Hobbes and the Blood

   2013; 308 pages.  Book 1 (of 4) in “Unhuman” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Dark Humor; Crime-Mystery; Paranormal; Culinary (Culinary?!  WTF, Amazon? Where’d ya come up with that one?).  Laurels: Shortlisted for the “Impress Prize for New Writers” (2012).  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

    There’s been a strange breaking-and-entering at Mr. Roman’s estate.  Someone smashed open one of the windows, climbed through, and stole one of Mr. Roman's violins.

    It was a good violin; you could even call it an expensive one.  But it wasn’t a collector’s item, and there were many more valuable items in the house that were left untouched.  Apparently Mr. Roman was quite upset about all this; he hanged himself shortly thereafter.

    The police have assigned Inspector Hobbes to investigate the case.  He’s quirky, can be heavy-handed at times, but has an excellent record for solving these kind of perplexing crimes.  And tagging along will be Andy Caplet, a journalist with the local Sorenchester and District Bugle, known for his poor record as a reporter.  It seems no one else at the office wanted this assignment, so they sent Andy.

    It seems this heist is just the start of a string of robberies in the Sorenchester area.  A short time later, cups and knives, and even people are going missing.  Will Inspector Hobbes be able to figure out what’s going on, and will Andy’s assistance, help or hinder him?

What’s To Like...

    Andy and Hobbes are an entertaining pair of protagonists – somewhat reminiscent of the Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson team.  But there are lots of differences too, and Wilkie Martin is to be commended for not slavishly duplicating the famous duo.  I’ve read some of the modern-day authors who write “new” Sherlock Holmes series (they can do this because the copyright on that name has expired), none of them yet has come close to matching Arthur Conan Doyle’s writing skills.

     The story is set in the fictitious cities of Sorenchester and Pigton, which are situated in the real Cotswolds area of England, and which I presume is the author’s stomping grounds.  Unsurprisingly, it is written in English, not American, which meant oodles of new words for me.  You can munch on chocolate Hobnobs (I found some of these over here with some help from my friends), get your food via a takeaway, or make a slap-up meal of your own, have a top-up if your drink runs low, and hope that your manky rug isn’t pong.  There were several dozen more of these expressions in the book; a few more of them are listed below.  I was in Anglophile heaven.

    the primary plotline was well-contrived – a string of burglaries of a strange set of artifacts.  Andy and Hobbes know the purloined pieces are connected in some way, the fun is figuring out exactly how.  The secondary storyline concerns the book’s genre itself – are there some paranormal critters scampering around Merrie Olde Englande, or is Andy’s imagination just running wild?  The reader gets a pretty good idea what the answer to that is by the end, yet a sliver of doubt remains.

    I thought the humor was handled very well.  Puns, wit, and tall tales abound, yet it’s not overdone.  The end result is a funny story, but not a silly one.  The ending is suitably climactic and exciting.  The final chapter is essentially an epilogue, with the various plot threads being resolved via Hobbes explaining to Andy how the evildoers did their evil.  Shades of Holmes and Watson finales!

    I loved the use of one of my favorite words, “Daliesque”, and chuckled when “thistledown” made an appearance.  I don't recall ever running across this word before this year, and now this is the third time in 2019 it’s cropped up in books I'm reading.

     The chapters are of moderate length: 19 of them covering 308 pages.  That averages out to around 16 pages per chapter.  Amazon touts the book as being a “cozy” mystery, and for the most part it is.  But it should be noted that there is a fair amount of cussing; I thought it fit in well, but cozy purists may wince at this.  Inspector Hobbes and the Blood is a standalone story as well as the first book in a series.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Shtum (adj.; British; informal) :  silent, non-communicative.

Others: Cagoule (n., British); Hob (n. British); Myxmatosis (n.); Scarpered (v.; British).

Excerpts...

    “Right, d’you fancy a cup of tea?”

    “Yes, please,” I said.

    “Good.  Make me one as well, would you?”  A banana-sized finger pointed to the bottle.

    “Oh, right.  Of course.  Umm … do you take milk or sugar?”

    “Two lumps of each, please.”  (loc. 478)

    “What are you here for?  I’ve done nothing.”

    “Nothing?” said Hobbes.  “I’m not sure about that.  Didn’t you knock out a customer’s teeth on Wednesday?”

    Featherlight scowled.  “That’s a lie.  I did no such thing – it was on Tuesday and it wasn’t all of them.  I didn’t hear the customer complain.”

    “He was unconscious.”

    “He was out of order, whinging about a dead mouse in his beer when it was only a bit of one.”  (loc. 1471)

Kindle Details...

    Inspector Hobbes and the Blood currently sells for $2.99 at Amazon.  The other three books in the series are all in the $4.07-$4.99 price range.  Alternatively, you can buy the first three books in a bundle; it goes for $6.29 right now. Other than one short story (52 pages) that goes for $0.99, I think that’s all the Wilkie Martin books available at Amazon for now.

 “Your reputation for stupidity doesn’t do you justice.”  (loc.  4451)

    A number of Amazon reviewers totally hated Andy, consequently giving Inspector Hobbes and the Blood some extremely low ratings.  Well, Andy is certainly not the noblest of characters.  He’s insanely jealous of a coworker, even to the point of planting false evidence to implicate him.  He also repeatedly goes snooping around in Hobbes’s house, uncovering secrets he’s not meant to know about.

    Everyone’s entitled to his own opinion, but personally I like anti-heroes.  They are always more interesting than can’t-do-anything-wrong protagonists, and I have a feeling that Andy will mature a bit as the series progresses.

    9 Stars.  I’ve been meaning to read Inspector Hobbes and the Blood for quite some time now, and was pleasantly surprised by the book’s charm, particularly since it is the author’s debut effort.  Here’s hoping he puts out many more books, and that the 4-volume Inspector Hobbes series is not yet completed.