Blue Christmas - Emma Jameson

   2019; 262 pages.  Book 6 (out of 7) in the “Lord and Lady Hetheridge Mystery” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Traditional Detective Mysteries; British Crime Fiction.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

 

    Lord Tony Hetheridge and his wife, Lady Kate Hetheridge have both left their London police careers behind, albeit for somewhat different reasons.  For Tony, it’s to pursue his dream of being a "PI" (Private Investigator).  To be his own boss, pick his own cases, investigate and hopefully solve the crimes in whatever manner he deems best.

 

    For Kate, the reasons are much darker.  In her final case for the police, she was beaten nearly to death, leading to extended stays in the hospital, and a year’s worth of grueling rehab.  The emotional injuries ran even deeper.  Kate withdrew from the world, and now it doesn’t seem like she'll ever come out again.

 

    But now Kate’s ex-partner in the police force, DI Paul Bhar, has just contacted them to see if they’d both want to rejoin the severely understaffed detective force, even if on a temporary basis.  The investigation of a recent murder could definitely use their experience and attention.  Alas, neither of the Hetheridges are keen on it.

 

    Then Paul mentions that the killer rigged up the most bizarre murder weapon he’s ever seen, and if they don’t believe him, Tony and Kate should come right over to the crime scene and judge for themselves.

 

    And just like that, they’re back on the job.

 

What’s To Like...

    Blue Christmas is the sixth book in Emma Jameson’s Lord and Lady Hetheridge Mystery series, but it's my introduction to this author.  The story is set in London, and it's written in what I’ll call “Harry Potter style”, meaning that the spellings are “American”, as in: neighboring and offenses; as are the measurements (miles, not metres); but the lingo is decidedly “British”, as in:  the loo, ASDA, spendy, windcheater, half-five, prawn crisps, and many more, the best of which are listed below.

 

    The tale has a delightful “feel” of being in England, so I was surprised to find out that the author is American.  I learned that England’s equivalent of our "9-1-1" is “999”, that the “Michelin Man” has recently lost a lot of weight, and got a chuckle when my favorite British phrase “and Bob’s your uncle”, showed up.  Alas, American culture has infiltrated the UK.  Both Facebook and Skype come into play, Frasier is a popular TV show, and the “STEM” educational curriculum is in use across the pond.

 

    Amazon lists the genre as a “Traditional Detective Series”, and that seems accurate, but cozy mystery fans will also be comfortable with it, as I noticed only two instances of cussing throughout the entire book.  Yes, we get to see the murder victim at the crime scene and yes, Kate and Tony have a couple of rolls-in-the-hay, but it’s all tastefully done.

 

    The promise of “most bizarre murder weapon ever” proved to be true, and suckered me into guessing the wrong suspect.  Tony and Kate both eventually suss out the perpetrator, albeit via somewhat different paths of logic.  In the end, they both discover that their transition back into the London police system has gone rather smoothly.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Skeevy (adj.) : unpleasant, squalid, distasteful.

Others: gimcrack (adj.); fanny about (v. Britishism); giddy goat (n., phrase), winkle out (v., Britishism); bog (n., Britishism); rozzers (n., plural, Britishism); skint (adj., Britishism); schtum (adj.); up the duff (phrase); bellend (n., obscene).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 2,290 ratings and 343 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.37*/5, based on 1,743 ratings and 183 reviews.

 

 

Excerpts...

    They were keenly aware that a case’s evidence could be adulterated or destroyed altogether by witnesses, police officers, or even medical personnel, and strove to photograph, bag, and preemptively collect as much as possible.  Any break in the chain of custody would be exploited in court by the defense.  Such barristers certainly weren’t above suggesting to a jury that if Constable Cockup had breathed on a bloodstain, the DNA in the real killer’s blood might have magically transmogrified into that of the poor, innocent man standing in the dock.  (loc. 2089)

 

    “I hope nobody takes offense, but look around.  Old man Galen was a bitter pill.  He dumped piss-pots in our garden once a week.  He chased dog-walkers.  He used to taunt Selma about her oxygen tank and say when you can’t breathe, take a hint and drop dead.  He told one of Leona’s man-friends that she had syphilis…”

    “Ebola, actually, but the intent was the same,” Leona broke in.  “And that was my ex-husband.”  (loc. 2527)

 

“Your grandchild will be a wog!  We’re calling it Woggie McWogface!”  (loc. 1921)

    There are some nits to pick.  Blue Christmas focuses on both the mystery element – how to figure out who murdered an old man when everyone in the neighborhood disliked him, and the human element – will Kate ever be able to put the traumatic events of the previous book behind her?  Sadly, the balance of that focus is heavily weighted towards the human issues.  In fact, the first 10% of the book is devoted exclusively to that.  So if you’re anxious to get started solving the murder case, as I was, you’ve got quite a wait at the outset.

 

    There's not a lot of tension and excitement in the ending.  All the suspects are called to a neighborhood meeting where Tony and Kate present the results of their investigations.  The perpetrator is identified on logical but flimsy evidence, yet conveniently and inexplicably gives a full and unforced confession.  The whole thing felt contrived.

 

    But perhaps I just haven’t caught the gist of this series yet.  Maybe the personal lives of our two protagonists are just as important, and get just as much attention, as the crimes they investigate.

 

    We shall see.  I’ve got two more books from this series sitting on my Kindle, and I’m betting I’ll have a better idea of what a typical Emma Jameson story entails after reading them.

 

    7 Stars.  Blue Christmas was my “Holiday read” for 2021, and I note in closing that the Epilogue was appropriately heartwarming and Christmassy in a Dickensian sort of way, with nary a “Bah humbug!” in sight.

Mycroft and Sherlock - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Anna Waterhouse

   2018; 411 pages.  New Author(s)? : No.  Book 2 (out of 3) in the Mycroft Holmes series.  Genres : Historical Mysteries; Victorian England; British Detectives.  Overall Rating:  8*/10.

 

    London in November 1872.  For Mycroft Holmes, it’s good to be back home after a thrilling adventure in the New World on the island of Trinidad.  Now he’s got a comfortable government job as “Special Consul to the Secretary of State for War".

 

    A pair of friends that Mycroft met in Trinidad have also accompanied him back to England and are loving it.  Cyrus Douglas now runs an apprentice school catering to street urchins.  And Huan is happily employed by Mycroft as both his carriage driver and bodyguard.

 

    Yes, life is good for Mycroft right now.  Indeed, his biggest source of stress is his somewhat wayward younger brother, Sherlock, who’s everything Mycroft is not: energetic, lanky in build, rash in temperament, and bored silly with having to study the musty old language of Latin.

 

    But there’s murder afoot in Victorian London: someone is gruesomely slicing up various lowlifes in the local Chinese community in Savage Gardens.  Sherlock finds the killings worthy of cogitation, but Mycroft doesn’t, since violent deaths in the slums of London are not that uncommon.

 

    But then one of Cyrus Douglas’s students ends up dead from a drug overdose, and the two Holmes brothers jump into action.  It’s a pity though, that they both pursue their investigation separately, and neither one wants to share their findings with the other.

 

    Such lack of communication could be deadly.

 

What’s To Like...

    Mycroft and Sherlock is the second Holmesian collaboration between Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Anna Waterhouse, but unlike the first book (reviewed here) where Mycroft was the featured protagonist, now he and Sherlock get equal billing.

 

    The storyline quickly becomes more complex.  Beyond investigating the "whodunit" of the abovementioned murders, Mycroft and Sherlock now have to:

    a.) deal with the Queen wanting Mycroft to “fix” an upcoming soccer match,

    b.) determine the tangled web of reasons behind the killing of the young student,

    c.) look into a suspicious shipwreck in Dorset, although Cyrus will do that, as the cargo that was lost in the accident was owned by him,

    d.) try to decipher fifteen mysterious “codes” scratched on subway walls in various subway stations.

    Woven throughout all of these plotlines is a trail of drug usage, which is not a spoiler since there’s an image of a hypodermic needle on the book cover, as well as at the start of every chapter.

 

    I loved the tie-ins to the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle series.  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Anna Waterhouse present plausible backstories for things like Sherlock’s opium habit, why he plays the violin, how he came to organize the “Baker Street Irregulars”, and why Mycroft leads such a sedentary lifestyle.  We even get our first glimpse of Sherlock’s future landlady, Mrs. Hudson.

 

    I liked the “feel” of Victorian-era London, especially since I presume both authors are American.  The colloquialisms of that time were also fun, such as a “jimmy-grant” (immigrant), “bruvver-in-loss”, “fresh squab and mash”, “peeler” (cop), and my favorite, a “knocker-upper”, which turns out to be a window-cleaner.

 

    Along the way, we learn a little chemistry (how to make a more potent opiate), a little Latin (as does Sherlock), and a little Mandarin Chinese (“shòu-shòu”).  We visit an opium den, and read the Agony Columns in the newspaper, and, best of all, are treated to numerous instances of startling observations and deductions by both Holmes brothers.  Arthur Conan Doyle would be proud.

 

    The ending is suitably complex and exciting.  It’s not particularly twisty, but hey, if the sleuthing is done right, there shouldn't be any unplanned turns of events.  The final chapter is a revealing Epilogue, containing a bunch of explanations about the whys and wherefores of Mycroft and Sherlock solving the case.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Autodidact (n.) : a self-taught person.

Others: Chockablock (adj.).

 

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren’t…

    “I wants to be a knocker-upper, Mr. Capps, cuz I already knows how to count to twelve.”  (pg. 60)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 338 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.02*/5, based on 2,404 ratings and 349 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “They find it [the corpse] just this morning,” Huan added,

    “Ah.  And who is the ‘they’ who found it?” Mycroft asked.

    “A publican,” Huan replied.  “Closing shop, two in the night it was, good working man, walking home, and he go falling over a body in the dark!”

    “Dear, I hope he was not injured,” Mycroft replied.

    “Oh no, he was dead.  Cut up in four pieces!”

    “No, I mean the publican.”  (pg. 14)

 

    “I am coming with you, of course!”

    “Thank you, no,” Douglas replied.

    “Mr. Douglas.  You are fatigued and lack proper nourishment.  You have also abused your tendons and muscles most unmercifully.  And I can glean from how you sit that your lower back and right hip are in some distress.  Not to mention that your left cornea has been scratched by sand –“

    “Does this soliloquy have a point?” Douglas interrupted, inadvertently rubbing his injured left eye while hating himself for proving the smug little sot correct.  (pg. 93)

 

“What harm could one more night of Latin possibly do?”  (pg. 302)

    There’s not much to nitpick about in Mycroft and Sherlock.  Some of the plotline tangents seemed a bit awkward, such as the soccer match meddling by Mycroft.  It was hard to see how that contributed to the tale, other than showing how the Holmes brothers’ brilliant deductive reasoning can be utilized in areas other than crime-solving.

 

   Ditto for the Royal Adelaide shipwreck.  Yes, it provided an important clue, but its timing seemed incredibly opportunistic, enabling Sherlock to become actively involved in Cyrus’s apprentice school.

 

    For me, the London setting wasn’t nearly as exotic as Book One’s Trinidad locale.  Also, I still find Mycroft more fascinating than Sherlock, but I recognize the need to bring the more famous brother into the series, and it must be admitted that the authors did a wonderful job of doing so.

 

    That’s about it.  Overall, Mycroft and Sherlock kept my interest from start to finish, and I still think Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Anna Waterhouse do the best job of replicating the spirit and tone of the Arthur Conan Doyle series.  Lord knows, there are lots of poor imitations out there.

 

    8 Stars.  Book One, Mycroft Holmes, came out in 2016.  This book followed in 2018, and the third one, Mycroft and Sherlock: The Empty Birdcage was published in 2019.  Alas, since then. there have been no more installments, which leads me to wonder if Kareem and Anna have moved on to other projects.  I, for one, would be bummed if that's the casen my opinion, that would be a real bummer.

Inspector Hobbes and the Curse - Wilkie Martin

   2013; 355 pages.  Book 2 (out of 4) in the “Unhuman” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Dark Humor; Werewolves; Humorous British Detective Cozy Mystery Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    Someone – or something – has just killed a sheep.  It sounds like a pretty small, dull crime to investigate, but Andy Caplet tags along with Inspector Hobbes anyway.

    Someone – or something – has been killing pheasants.  Maybe the sheep-killer likes to vary its source of nourishment.  Or maybe the two cases are completely unrelated.  That seems like something that Hobbes should be able to figure out without too much difficulty.

    Skeleton Bob says he saw a huge cat prowling around the countryside last night.  Maybe that’s what’s been killing the critters.  Or maybe Skeleton Bob is trying to throw Hobbes off the track, since he's known to occasionally partake in poaching.  That makes him a prime suspect in all of this.

    There is one very strange facet to the investigation though.  Inspector Hobbes has a nose that’s as good as a bloodhound’s..  No one is quite sure why, and no one wants to ask him about it.  Yet in sniffing around while looking for clues in these killings, Hobbes keeps finding, then losing, the scents.

    Curiouser and curiouser.

What’s To Like...

    Inspector Hobbes and the Curse is the second novel in a (completed?) four-book “paranormal sleuthing” series with Andy playing Dr. Watson to Inspector Hobbes’s Sherlock Holmes.  It is written in the first-person point-of-view, Andy’s, which is entertaining since he’s subject to more pratfalls than a Chevy Chase routine.

    Wilkie Martin neatly weaves a slew of plotlines together, namely:

a.) Who’s killing the sheep and pheasants?

b.) Did Skeleton Bob really see a big cat?

c.) What’s behind the hidden door in Inspector Hobbes’s basement?

d.) Who, or what, are Violet and Felix?

e.) Why would someone want an elephant transported to Brighton?

f.) Who killed the hot-headed neighbor, and why?

g.) Who killed the thug, and why?

h.) Who, or what, is Hobbes?

    I’m happy to say that you'll find all these questions answered in this book, save one.

    The story is set in the present-day greater London area.  There’s a nice variety of critters to meet and flee from, including (but not limited to) werewolves, vampires, troglodytes (huh?) and even a muppet (double-huh?).  Wilkie Martin is British, and it was fun to be “immersed” in English daily life, such as ginger beer, pork rolls with apple sauce, Sugar Puffs, and calling “999” for an emergency instead of “9-1-1”.

    I enjoyed attending the First Annual Grand Sorenchester Music Festival, even if things did get out of hand.  Hobbes and Mrs. Goodfellow say they attended the 1967 Monterrey Festival and hung out with the hippies, so I wonder how the two festivals compare to each other.  And I’m almost tempted to get the audiobook version of this book just  to hear Hobbes do his rendition of Puff, The Magic Dragon.  Amid all the craziness, Wilkie Martin subtly examines some more-serious themes, namely spousal abuse and the manliness of hunting.

    Inspector Hobbes and the Curse is written in English, not American, and there are a slew of new terms for common items to suss out, including: doddle, moggy, jacket potato, pong, fly sheet, footwell, settles, bin liner, skint, bleeper, scarper, AGM, spotty herbert, dust-dancers, cutlery draw, shufti, picnic hamper, stodge, going to the Casualty, skip, ‘having me on’, pebble-dashed, top up, nutters, lay-by, slowcoach, selvedge, tosser, punters, dozy, bacon-butties, and ‘trying it on’. 

    The ending is decent, with an fair amount of excitement mixed with a twist or two to keep everyone on their toes.  A good bottle of wine gets wasted, and some of the baddies get away, but that’s the way the biscuit crumbles, and perhaps those evildoers might appear in the subsequent books.

Kewlest New Word ...

Spotty herbert (n., phrase.) : a foolish person.  (a Britishism)

Others: Moggy (n., British); Doddle (n., British).

Excerpts...

    “He damn near blew my head off once, when I was picking nuts in the woods by his hedge.”

    “Why?” asked Hobbes.

    “Because I like nuts.”

    Hobbes chuckled.  “No, why did he shoot you?”

    “He said he mistook me for a stray dog.”

    “But dogs don’t pick nuts.”

    “That’s what I told him.”  (loc. 5566)

    A tongue of hot red flame hurled him and the door across the cellar and, though it all happened so fast, I’m sure he whooped just before he slammed into the back wall.  There was a deafening roar, a flash of heat and a rumble.

    I picked myself up, coughing in the dust haze.

    “Well,” said Hobbes, standing up, rubbing his elbow, “that would have been more fun if the wall hadn’t got in the way.”  (loc. 10318)

Kindle Details…

    Inspector Hobbes and the Curse presently sells for $4.99 at Amazon.  Books 3 and 4 in this series also go for $4.99, while Book 1 is only $2.99.  Alternatively, you can get Books 1-3 in a bundle (which is how I’m reading these) for $8.09.

“Hanging round crematoriums always gives me an appetite.”  (loc. 7648 )

    There’s nothing major to quibble about in Inspector Hobbes and the Curse.  Wilkie Martin calls this a “Humorous British Detective Cozy Mystery Fantasy” and who am I to argue with him?  Still, if you’re a “cozy” enthusiast, you may find the cussing, which albeit is minimal in quantity, to be out-of-place.

    Also, if you’re reading this book for its mystery element, you may be disappointed.  I figured out the “who did what and how and why” early on.  Andy Caplet is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I found it hard to believe that Inspector Hobbes took so long to figure things out.

    However, all this is nitpicking.  I think it’s better to read Inspector Hobbes and the Curse for its zany “Jeeves-like” humor, not its whodunit.  When you take that approach, you’ll likely find this to be an excellent read.

    7½ Stars.  Subtract ½ Star if you don’t like books written in “English”.  I happen to think it’s a delightful way to learn a "foreign" language.

Mycroft Holmes - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Anna Waterhouse

   2015; 336 pages.  Book One (out of 2, if you include comics) of the “Mycroft Holmes” series.  New Author? : Yes and Yes.  Genre : British Detectives; Thriller; Mystery.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Full disclosure.  We had a 2-volume “Complete Tales of Sherlock Holmes” on the family bookshelf when I was a kid, and I read those stories – both the long ones and the short ones – over and over again.  My favorite character was neither the infallible Sherlock Holmes nor the unflappable Doctor Watson.

    Instead, it was Sherlock’s older brother, Mycroft Holmes.  He was a bit character.  I would have said he only appeared in two stories, but Wikipedia says it was four, and I trust Wiki over my own memory on this.

    Mycroft was even more brilliant and discerning than Sherlock.  But he had no ambition to get out of his chair and go investigate and prove his hypotheses, since, well, he was supremely confident that he was correct.  Which vexed his younger brother greatly.

    I consider Mycroft to be a worthy role model.

What’s To Like...

    Mycroft Holmes is the debut fiction novel by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, with the help of a co-author, Anna Waterhouse.  I don’t think this is merely a crass case of name-dropping.  Kareem had already penned a number of non-fiction works, mostly about his basketball career and his black heritage.  The man can write.

    I liked that Mycroft is not a clone of Sherlock, and I liked that the storyline was not a cheap imitation of an Arthur Conan Doyle tale.  There is certainly a crime to be solved – someone is killing children on Trinidad for no rational reason.  But overall, this is more of a thriller story than a murder-mystery.

    The settings are kewl – 1870, first in London (to tie in to the Sherlock Holmes timeline), then on a slow boat to the Caribbean, and finally on Trinidad and its surrounding islands.  It is obvious that the book was well-researched, with lots of details given about the settings, and without sounding like an info dump.  I enjoyed learning about the “Merikens” on Trinidad, and presume this was factual, and chuckled at the mention of “shoofly pie”.  Yum yum!

    There are 49 chapters, which cover 336 pages, so you can always find a convenient place to stop for the night.  There’s a smidgen of Mandarin Chinese, Portuguese, and Russian thrown into the text, and I liked that.  You’ll also learn to fear the douen (the lost souls of dead children) and the lougarou (vampire mosquitoes).  There is some mild cussing (“piss” and “shit”), and of course, some violence.  This should be expected when reading a thriller.  The “sparring sessions” between Mycroft and Sherlock (both the physical and the verbal ones) are a complete delight.  Overall, this was a fast and easy read.

    Beyond all the thrills and spills and Holmesian detecting, there are some serious topics woven into the plotline.  Kareem is, of course, black, and a practicing Muslim as well.  So there are sub-themes of racial and religious tolerance here, something you won’t find in Conan Doyle’s stories, nor in the real world of 1870 England and its Caribbean colonies.

Kewlest New Word...

Jumbie Beads (n.) : West Indian trees which have seeds that are often made into a bracelet, and which, when ground up, are quite toxic.

Others : Crepuscular (adj.); Ideologue (n.); Chatelaine (n.)

Excerpts...

    “I am quite unsettled that I am once again forced to ask this question,” he said, “but what on earth was that about?”

    “I have much to tell you,” Holmes replied with a smile.  “But first, what do you infer?”

    “Aside from the fact that you can be an insufferable ass?” Douglas shot back.

    “That aside, yes,” Holmes replied equitably, folding his thumbs together, his index fingers tapping against each other.  (loc. 1813)

   “Perhaps you should have mentioned sooner the folly of this venture,” Little Huan said with a smile.

    Holmes smiled back.  It was the most he had ever heard the young man say in one breath, and he was gratified to know the lad had humor, as well as strength.

    “The foolish will tread where the wise will not,” Holmes replied.  “If we waited for the wisdom of this venture, Douglas and I would still be in London.”

    “To fools, then!” Little Huan exclaimed.

    “To fools!” the others declared.  (loc. 3555)

Kindle Details...

    Mycroft Holmes sells for $8.99 at Amazon.  There is a sequel, of sorts, titled Mycroft Holmes and the Apocalypse Handbook, but it is in comic book omnibus format.  It sells for $9.99.  As mentioned above, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has written another dozen or so books, mostly non-fiction, and quite often with co-authors.  His non-fiction books are mostly about his basketball experiences and about black heritage.  The e-book versions of these books are in the $4.17-$14.99 price range.

“My dear, you have lived in London four long years – does the Thames still charm you?”  (loc. 612)

    The quibbles are minor.

    The action starts immediately in the Prologue, but when the scene then shifts to England, things slow down markedly as the authors take great pains to describe the details of Victorian London.  Admittedly, those details are impressive, but if you’re already familiar with the locale (i.e., if you’ve already read Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes series), then things can get a bit tedious.

    Ditto for the voyage across the Atlantic.  Although we (and Mycroft) pick up some important clues along the way, we also spend a lot of time chitchatting away the hours and trying to avoid being seasick.  At times, the story bordered on being “TMD” (“too many details).

    But I pick at nits.  Mycroft Holmes is a literary delight, and probably the best Sherlock Holmes spin-off I’ve read since the copyright expired on Conan Doyle’s characters, and every Tom, Dick, and Laurie started writing mediocre take-offs of that fantastic series, and which pale in comparison to the original.

    8 Stars.  I get the impression that Kareem was not totally satisfied with Mycroft Holmes, since the only sequel(s) are in comic book format.  I’m not all that big on graphic novels (although I enjoyed both Watchmen and a couple of the Girl Genius ones), so unless Kareem returns to writing full-length fiction novels, this is probably the first and last of his books that I'll end up reading.