Island of the Sequined Love Nun - Christopher Moore

   1997; 325 pages.  New Author? : No, but it’s been a couple years.  Genre : Contemporary Humor; Satire.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    For Tucker “Tuck” Case, life has just become monumentally unfair.  He’s a pilot by trade, and because of one teensy-weensy unplanned landing, his flying license has been revoked.

    Of course, “unplanned landing” is just a euphemism for crashing a plane.  And the fact that there was a hooker in the plane at the time complicates matters.  Ditto for her being in the cockpit.  In the pilot’s seat.  In which he was also sitting.  They call it being initiated into the “Mile High Club”.

    It’s also some very bad publicity for his employer, Mary Jean Cosmetics, since the jet had a very distinctive color – shocking pink.  And it doesn’t help that the hooker was injured in the crash, and plans to sue both Tucker and Mary Jean Cosmetics.

    So now, the only thing that Tuck can fly is a kite.  There goes his livelihood.  There goes his income.  Therefore, it was quite the pleasant surprise when some missionary on some island way over in Micronesia contacts him with a job offer – to fly the missionary’s Lear Jet, which is a slightly newer and bigger model than the one he’s been piloting for Mary Jean Cosmetics.  There’s just one thing that’s bothering Tuck.

    What’s a missionary on a far-flung South Seas island doing with a Lear Jet?

What’s To Like...

    Island of the Sequined Love Nun is a relatively early Christopher Moore novel (#4 out of a total of 16 if my counting was correct), and contains the usual abundance of the author’s wit, sarcasm, and dry humor.  I’ve read ten CM books over the years, and have yet to be disappointed.

    The story is divided into three sections.  Part One, “The Phoenix” (pg. 1), details Tuck’s misadventures in trying to get from the Houston to Alualu.  Part Two, “Island of the Shark People” (pg. 87), sees him finally arriving there, and trying to figure out what the heck is going on.  Part Three, “Coconut Angel” (pg. 193), can be best described in three words: “Revolution and Resolution”.

    Christopher Moore dreams up a bunch of fascinating characters for you to rub shoulders with.  Tuck is wonderfully anti-heroic, and must contend with evil doings that pick at his moral fiber.  The good guys and the baddies all come in various shades of gray.  You’ll warm quickly to Roberto, and Vincent is just out-of-this world.  I liked the depiction of Cargo Cults (does anyone remember “The Gods Must Be Crazy”), and the whole concept of running a sham religious cult was eerily true-to-life.

    There are 68 chapters to cover the 322 pages, plus a map of the small island of Alualu at the beginning.  There’s also an “Afterword and Acknowledgements” section at the end, in which the author separates true facts from fiction, which surprised me for this type of novel.  There’s a bunch of cussing and oodles of sex;  those with prudish tastes should know by now to avoid any and all Christopher Moore tales.

    IofSLN is a standalone novel and AFAIK none of the characters pop up in other Christopher Moore  books.  It may not be as well-known as Fluke, Lamb, and Moore’s vampire novels, but it kept me entertained and chuckling throughout.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Mook (n.; slang) : a stupid or incompetent person.  (a Yankeeism)

Excerpts...

    “Shark People no have boat.  They no leave island.”

    “No boats?”  Pardee was amazed.  Living in these islands without a boat was akin to living in Los Angeles without a car.  It wasn’t done; it couldn’t be done.

    The mate patted Pardee’s big shoulder.  “You be fine.  I have mask and fins for you.”

    “What about sharks?”

    “Sharks afraid around there.  On most island people afraid of shark.  On Alualu shark afraid of people.”

    “You’re sure about that?”

    “No.”  (pg. 144)

    When Tuck was still reckoning, he reckoned that they were traveling at an average speed of five knots.  At five knots, twenty-four hours a day, for fourteen days, he reckoned that they had traveled well over two thousand miles.  Tuck reckoned that they were now sailing through downtown Sacramento.  His reckoning wasn’t any better than his navigation.  (pg. 284)

 Leading a religion is tough work when your gods start stirring for real and messing up your prophecies.  (pg. 224)

    For a while I thought I was going to quibble about having to wait almost 100 pages before Tuck makes it to the Island of the Sequined Love Nun, but the plot thread travels full circle, and I should’ve known better than to doubt Christopher Moore’s ability to fashion a well-constructed storyline.

    The ending was good, but not particularly twisty, and I found it easy to predict how things would turn out..  Still, one reads a Christopher Moore novel first and foremost for the clever dialogue and the farcical goings-on; plotlines are secondary.  And the Epilogue is simply fantastic, so I really can’t complain.

    Island of the Sequined Love Nun is a fine effort by Christopher Moore, although if you’ve read his later and more-famous novels, you can also see how he honed his writing skills over the course of his career.

    8 Stars.  Subtract 1 star if you didn’t like his novels Fluke, Lamb, Bite Me, You Suck, etc.  If those didn’t float your boat, this one won’t either.

The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted - Harry Harrison

   1987; 262 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Science Fiction; Humor & Satire.  Book #2 (in the series timeline) or Book #7 (in the order they were written) in the 12-book Stainless Steel Rat series.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

    This is the all-too-soon end for young Jimmy diGriz, aka The Stainless Steel Rat.  He’s hanging by his fingertips at the top of an elevator shaft, with a fall of more than a kilometer (several hundred stories’ worth) in his immediate future, as soon as the strength in his fingers gives way.

    At least he’ll die doing what he’s best at – escaping.  In this case, it’s from a high-security prison after the nefarious Captain Garth double-crossed him.  And even if Jim somehow manages to survive his present predicament, he’d be alone and penniless on a foreign planet.

    Well, suck it up, diGriz.  You’re the Stainless Steel Rat, and if you’re worthy of your reputation, however short-lived it may be, you’ll think of something.

    Before you get splattered all over the roof of that elevator car a long, long way below.

What’s To Like...

    The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted is the second book (timeline-wise) in Harry Harrison’s Stainless Steel Rat series.  The storyline picks up almost immediately after Book One (reviewed here), with our anti-hero protagonist, Jimmy diGriz, escaping from his life-or-death situation (Oh, come on now, this isn’t a spoiler.  He’s the hero of the series.) and his subsequent escapades, including the titular predicament of being drafted.

    I liked the world-building and the wit.  The technology may be 25^th-century – including such critter gizmos like spyrats, communications moths, and radio crows – but humanity has not evolved a whit.  There are still wars and invasions, drill sergeants and double-dealers, and new “isms” looking for converts.

    I chuckled at some of the details Harry Harrison weaves into the story.  There’s “kewarghen” (think ‘pot’) and uppers., and a bit of cross-dressing as well.  I liked the use of a made-up, all-purpose cussword, “cagal”.  It gets the idea across without offending the more prudish readers.  Authors of science-fiction and fantasy should really adapt this literary device.  I also liked Harrison’s nod to Esperanto, the best candidate for a universal language, and the least-likely to become so.

    Beneath all the fun and thrills, Harry Harrison offers his opinions on a couple more-serious topics.  The whole idea of the draft is examined, which young‘uns might have trouble relating to in this day of a volunteer army here in the US.  But us old geezers remember it all too well.  There are also some interesting insights concerning spiritual fads.  In this case, the new rage is something “Individual Mutualism”.

    The story is told in the first-person POV (the Stainless Steel Rat’s).  There are 31 chapters covering 262 pages, so there’s always a good place to stop for the night.  This is a self-contained story, besides being part of the series.  I had mixed feelings about the ending.  On one hand, a bloodless, planetary invasion strained the limits of believability for me.  OTOH, I think this was deliberate on Harry Harrison’s part, and hats off to him for even trying to pull it off.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Chuntering (v.) : muttering or grumbling incessantly in a meaningless fashion.  A Britishism.

Others : Eructation (n.); Fug (n.); Insufflated (v.).

Excerpts...

    “You entered this room as fun-loving youths.  You will leave it as dedicated soldiers.  You will now be sworn in as loyal members of the army.  Raise your right hands and repeat after me…”

    “I don’t want to!”

    “You have that choice,” the officer said grimly.  “This is a free country and you are all volunteers.  You may take the oath.  Or if you choose not to, which is your right, you may leave by the small door behind me which leads to the federal prison where you will begin your thirty-year sentence for neglect of democratic duties.”

    “My hand’s up,” the same voice wailed.   (pg. 66)

    I turned to thank Neebe, the gorgeous brown-limbed redhead who was president of the cycling club, but she was just passing the club flag to her second-in-command.  Then she wheeled her bike toward me, smiling a smile that melted my bike handles.

    “May I be very forward, offworlder James deGriz, and force my presence upon you?  You have to but say no and I will go.”

    “Glug …!”

    “I assume that means yes.”  (pg. 230)

 I am.  Therefore I think.”  (pg. 168)

     There were a couple of negatives, albeit it, minor ones.

    The pacing felt slow for the first half of The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted, although it picks up nicely in the second.  Even so, it slowed down again, for a bit, when the tenets of Individual Mutualism were expounded upon.

    Then there was Bibs.  She gets introduced early in the story, is fully developed, then disappears, never to return again.  Finally, the whole “rising through the ranks” shtick, while droll, was just too unbelievable for me.

   But I quibble.  Overall, this was still a good read, although not quite on a par with its predecessor, The Stainless Steel Rat Is Born.  I have three other books of the series sitting on my TBR shelf, as well as Harry Harrison’s West of Eden, so we shall see which of the two HH books I’ve read so far is representative of the quality of his writing.

    7 Stars.  I moved this book to the top of my reading list because of Andy Wallace, author of Origins, and reviewed here, cites it as the inspiration for his book.  High praise, indeed; so don’t take my review as the final word on The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted.

A Stainless Steel Rat Is Born - Harry Harrison

   1985; 219 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Science Fiction; Humor & Satire.  Book #1 (or Book #6) in the 12-book Stainless Steel Rat series.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    James Bolivar “Slippery Jim” diGriz.  A name feared throughout the galaxy.  Well, maybe not by everyone.  But at least by every bank, jewelry store, and owner of any other merchandise that’s worth stealing.

    But how and where did this thief extraordinaire get his start?  Surely he didn't spring from the womb skilled in the art of purloining.  Someone almost certainly mentored him in the art of light-fingered lifting.

    And there’s got to be a story behind his moniker.  The Stainless Steel Rat.

What’s To Like...

    The Stainless Steel Rat Is Born is set in the 25^th century, on a planet called Bit O’Heaven that, legend has it, was originally colonized by settlers from some faraway planet called “Dirt”.  Young Jim diGriz is a thief with ambition, and wants to be further tutored on his craft from the best there is, so he deliberately allows himself to be caught robbing a bank in order to go to prison and find a guru (where else would you find one?).  Needless to say, things do not go as planned.

    The story is written in the first-person POV (Jim’s), and in a jaded, witty, and anti-hero style.  The chapters are short, and each one ends with a teaser.  I liked that.  There aren’t a lot of characters to follow, although keeping track of the capos got a bit confusing at times.  The story is written in “English” (tonnes, etc.), not “American”, and I always enjoy that.

    There are only two worlds to visit, Bit O’Heaven and Spiovente; but I suspect there will be a bunch more before this series is over.  The world-building is very good, especially Bit O’Heaven, where we spend the first 125 pages or so.  Harrison seems to relish in creating a plethora of details to heighten the scene-setting.  If the Police Floaters seem a bit been-there-seen-that, the fearsome porcuswine are not, and the culinary experience at your local McSwiney’s is a delight not to be missed.  Then there are the Boy Sprouts and the Black Monks.

    All of this makes for an easy, although not necessarily quick read, with the emphasis on lighthearted entertainment, not epic space opera.  We’ll learn to be “Citizens of the Outside” alongside Jim, which means we answer to a higher calling, and never refer to ourselves as “criminals” or “crooks”.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Doss (v.) : to sleep in rough or inexpensive accommodations.  A Britishism.

Others : Skrink (v.); Fillip (n.)

Excerpts...

    “Get knotted yourself, toe-cheese.  My monicker is Jim.  What’s yours?”

    I wasn’t sure of the slang.  I had picked it up from old videos, but I surely had the tone of voice right because I had succeeded in capturing his attention this time.  He looked up slowly and there was the glare of cold hatred in his eyes.

    “Nobody – and I mean nobody – talks to Willy the Blade that way.  I’m going to cut you, kid, cut you bad.  I’m going to cut my initial into your face.  A ‘V’ for Willy.”

    “A ‘W’,” I said.  “Willy is spelled with a ‘W’.”   (pg. 13)

    “How long do we stay slaves?” I asked.

    “Until I learn more about how things operate here.  You have spent your entire life on a single planet, so both consciously and unconsciously you accept the society you know as the only one.  Far from it.  Culture is an invention of mankind, just like the computer or the fork.  There is a difference though.  While we are willing to change computers or eating implements, the inhabitants of a culture will brook no change at all.  They believe that theirs is the only and unique way to live – and anything else is aberration.”

    “Sounds stupid.”  (pg. 144)

 If you should ever be tempted to unlock a door with a key in your teeth while wearing handcuffs I have only a single word of advice.  Don’t.  (pg. 89)

       The Stainless Steel Rat Is Born is actually the sixth book in Harry Harrison’s Stainless Steel Rat series, but the first in the saga’s timeline. Harry Harrison perhaps sets a record for randomizing a series’ timeline.  According to Wikipedia, the chronological order of the 12 stories is : 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, 12, 3, 9, 10,11.

    Therefore this book has the same problem that Star Wars Episode 3 (Revenge of the Sith) has – namely, matching the ending up with the beginning of a previously-released effort.

    Here, this difficulty manifests itself in a somewhat flat and unsatisfying ending.  The storyline doesn’t really get wrapped up, it just pauses for a moment as the bad guys get away, and The Stainless Steel Rat gets transported elsewhere.

    Still, it’s no worse than the ending of any Star Wars movie that doesn’t conclude a trilogy, including the latest release.  So if George Lucas can get away with this, I guess we’ll allow Harry Harrison to do the same.

    8 Stars.  In retrospect, it might have be wiser for me to start reading this series in the order that Harrison wrote them.