Lamb - Christopher Moore

2002; 444 pges. Genre : Humor; Fiction. New Author?: No, fourth book. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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The two years of Jesus' ministry are covered in all four Gospels. Two of them also give some details about his birth; and one tells about him going one day to the temple as a boy.

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That leaves a 30-year black hole in his life. Enter Levi, a.k.a. "Biff", a lifelong friend of Joshua ("Jesus" is the Greek rendering of his name), who is brought back to life in the present day by the angel Raziel to "fill in the blanks" by writing another Gospel.

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There are three parts to Lamb. The first 50-100 pages cover Joshua's childhood. The next 200-250 pages tell of his journey to the East to visit and learn from the Magi. The final 100 pages or so cover the same last two years of Joshua's life as the Biblical gospels do.

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What's To Like...

There is the usual Christopher Moore humor that I loved in You Suck, Bloodsucking Fiends, and A Dirty Job. For Lamb though, it is obvious that Moore also did a lot of research before writing it. That's new. I've seen this hypothesis - that Jesus' ministry was influenced by Eastern religions, before. It is as plausible (and as foundationless) as any other theory.

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Zaniness abounds. There are Yetis and invisible friends; lizard-bashings and self-defense systems ("Jew-do"); Kama-Sutra spoofs and angels taking daytime soap operas far too seriously.

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My favorite part of the book is the middle portion. Moore introduces the reader to the Asian religions. Balthazar teaches Joshua about Taoism and Confucianism. Gaspar trains him in Buddhism. Melchior schools him about Brahmanism.

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I found the other two sections slower-going. Moore uses the "childhood" section to show you what life was like for a Hebrew child growing up in Roman-occupied 1st-century Israel. Okay fine. But not much happens. And in the last part of the book, Moore really "reins it in" so as to not offend any readers as he retells the Gospel story. He succeeds, but it comes at a cost. The humor is reduced to one-liners by Biff.

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Kewl New Words...

Just two. Prophylacteries : a pair of small leather cases, containing strips of parchment with Hebrew scripture on them. One is strapped to the forehead; the other to the left arm. These are weird; google-image it to see them. Falafel : ground, spiced chickpeas shaped into balls and fried.

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Excerpts...

"Alphaeus," Joshua called, "does the work get easier once you know what you're doing?"

"Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open, begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside." (pg. 50, discussing a career in stone-cutting).

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Our relationship with God was different from other people and their Gods. Sure there was fear and sacrifice and all, but essentially, we didn't go to him, he came to us. He told us we were the chosen, he told us he would help us to multiply to the ends of the earth, he told us he would give us a land of milk and honey. We didn't go to him. We didn't ask. And since he came to us, we figure we can hold him responsible for what he does, and what happens to us. (pg. 50)

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Camels bite. A camel will, for no reason, spit on you, stomp you, kick you, bellow, burp, and fart at you. They are stubborn at their best, and cranky beyond all belief at their worst. If you provoke them, they will bite. If you insert a dehydrated amphibian elbow-deep in a camel's bum, he considers himself provoked, doubly so if the procedure was performed while he was sleeping. Camels are wise to stealth. They bite. (pg. 135)

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God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. (Voltaire)

The usual caveat applies - because the subject matter is religious, Lamb is not for the easily-offended. It is however much more tactfully done than some of the George Carlin Christianity rants I've read. Also, if Confucianism, Buddhism, and Hinduism are all the same thing in your head, you may find the middle portion a bit tedious.

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For me, the last 100 pages were too toned down. Maybe it would've been better to just cut the book off when Jesus/Joshua came back home to begin his ministry. OTOH, there are a lot of people who think Lamb is Moore's best work thus far. So, 7 Stars for the childhood section, 10 stars for the Magi section, and 5 stars for the Ministry section. That averages out to 7+ Stars, and I rounded up since the Magi section was the largest portion of the book.