A Bloody Field By Shrewsbury - Edith Pargeter

1972; 378 pages.  Genre : Historical Fiction.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    It's 1399 AD, and uneasy rests the head that wears the English crown.  King Henry IV has deposed his cousin, Richard II.  Henry's son, Hal, is now the Prince of Wales.  But Hal's only 14 years old, so the king sends a close friend and ally, Harry Percy (aka "Hotspur") to Shrewsbury with Hal, to be his mentor.

    But the Royal Treasury is broke, Richard II dies under suspicious circumstances, the French are hostile, and Wales and Scotland are revolting.  What more could possilby go wrong for the King?

What's To Like...
    Edith Pargeter (who uses the pen-name Ellis Peters when she writes Brother Cadfael stories) is a fine historical fiction author.  All the characters are 3-dimensional and evolving; and none of them is all-white or all-black.  Like a Shakespearean tragedy, our main hero (Hotspur), although noble, has some far-reaching character flaws.

    The main battle only starts on page 332, so until then you have to be entertained by a couple of skirmishes and a lot of history, politics, and personal drama.  The book succeeds at this nicely.  There's even a little bit of romance for the ladies, but it's (seemingly) hopelessly doomed so guys can tolerate it.

Kewlst New Word(s)...
Two of them, just for a change.  Shriving : hearing the confession of, and assigning penance to (someone).  Sikker : certain; safe; secure.

Excerpts...
    "Doubts?  Ay, have I, and many and grievous, too!  Do you think there's one of us that is not looking back now in torment of mind, questioning at every move what we did well, and what was ill-done?  Death makes every man turn his head and re-examine his conscience."  (pg. 24)

    As what would she remember him?  She was not dependent upon love and lovers as women are wont to be.  She had married, and sickened of marriage, and chosen of her own will to look towards other satisfactions, this being soiled and spoiled for her, though not, please God, eternally.  You cannot die of disillusion at twenty, not with such a spirit in you.  (pg. 328)

"Every man's death is treading hard on his heels every day of his life. ... Yet it will not overtake until he flags."  (pg. 329)
    As with her Brother Cadfael series, Pargeter/Peters gives you a feel for everyday life in medieval England.  The people are real, their actions are believable, and their surroundings vividly detailed.

    If you aren't a history buff, A Bloody Field By Shrewsbury may not be for you, as Pargeter takes very little literary license with the historical facts.  But if you like knights and kings, and castles and calamities, then you will probably enjoy this book.

    The history recounted here will most likely be new to most American readers.  But Shakespeare found it important enough to write a tetralogy of plays about it : Richard II, Henry IV - Part 1, Henry IV - Part Two, and Henry V.   If it's good enough for the Bard, it's good enough for me.  8 Stars.

Against A Dark Background - Iain M. Banks

1993; 613 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Science Fiction.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

    Everyone is after Lady Sharrow.  The Sad Brethren of the Sea House want her to steal something called the Lazy Gun as ransom for her half-sister.  The Huhsz (how would you pronounce that?) want to kill her so that one of their end-time prophecies might come to pass.  And two twin bald-headed dudes just like to torture her with a voodoo doll. 

    What can Sharrow do?  Assemble her elite combat team, go on a quest, run when outnumbered, and kick butt when not.

What's To Like...
Iain M. Banks (aka, "Iain Banks") is a master of words.  The description of the alien worlds (which are within a single solar system) and the civilizations thereon are compelling and vivid.  Sharrow is a fascinating character study, and there is a subtle ribbon of humor running throughout.

The Lazy Gun is one awesomely surreal weapon.  Shoot it at a person, and who knows what will happen to him?  An anchor might appear above him and drop down.  Giant electrodes might pop up on both sides and electrocute him.  Some wild animal might tear his throat out.  But you can also aim it at something like a tank, or even a whole city; and similarly bizarre dooms will unfold.

The ending (the last third of the book) is superb.  Along the way, Banks has some key things to say about religion, fate, governments, and android rights.  Finally, this is a stand-alone novel; a pleasant change from most sci-fi books nowadays.

Alas, there are some serious weaknesses.  Flashback scenes abound, but there is no signal when the present ends and the past commences.  The Lazy Gun, albeit kewl, turns out to be little more than a macguffin.  And if the ending is great, the storyline leading up to it is head-scratchingly illogical.

The Lazy Gun is well-guarded, but hardly hidden.  Lord knows why it takes Sharrow so long to find it.  She despises her half-sister, so that's a poor choice for a hostage.  The voodoo doll dilemma is never resolved; the Huhsz are never dealt with.  And don't try to solve the quest riddles with Sharrow; the answers are arbitrary and unfathomable.

Kewlest New Word...
Coprolite : Fossilized dung.  Used here as  an epithet.  I've got to try that one out.

Excerpts...
    "Get ...your...filthy...female foot out of my d-" he said, raising his gaze to find that he was lookng down the barrel of a large hand gun.  She pressed his nose with it.  His eyes crossed, focusing on the stubby silencer.
    He swung the door open slowly, his chain rattling.  "Come in," he croaked.
    The silencer muzzle left a little white circle imprinted on the gray flesh at the tip of his nose.  (pg. 44)

    "Indeed, your gracious Majesty," the monk said, looking down modestly at the carpet.  His voice sounded respectful.  "Our Belief - perhaps not so dissimilar from your own, more venerable and more widely followed creed - is that God is a Mad Scientist and we His experimental subjects, doomed forever to run the Maze of Life through apparently random and unjust punishments for meaningless and paltry rewards and no discernible good reason save His evil pleasure."  (pg. 289)

    "I must say," the one on the beach said.  "You don't seem terribly surprised to find us here, Lady Sharrow."  He sounded disappointed.  He accepted a tall glass from his twin, then drank and smiled up at her.  "We'd rather hoped you might be."
    She shrugged.
    "Typical, isn't it?" said the one in the chair to his twin.  "Women only go quiet when you'd actually quite like to hear what they have to say."  (pg. 366)

"We live in the dust of our forebears; insects crawling in their dung.  Splendid, isn't it?"  (pg. 80)
The Wikipedia article on Against A Dark Background indicates this was an early, unpublished story by Banks which he later reworked into a full-length novel.  That may explain why the storyline has so little cohesion.  It really should've stayed a short story or a novella.

The great ending and Banks' writing skills make up for the plot weaknesses, albeit just barely.  It seems Banks is better known for his sci-fi "Culture" series, and I have one from that set on my TBR shelf.  I have a feeling it's going to be a better read.  6 Stars.

Interesting Times - Terry Pratchett

1994; 368 pages.  Book #17 in the Discworld series.  Genre : Comedic Fantasy.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

    When the inscrutable Agatean Empire on the faraway Counterweight Continent sends a message tio Ankh-Morpork requesting "the great Wizzard", they can only mean one person.  That would be Rincewind, who is so thoroughly incompetent that even the one word on his hat is misspelled : "Wizzard".  Why would the Agateans want such a schlep?  That's inscrutable.

What's To Like...
    It has Rincewind, who's probably my favorite Discworld character.  It has The Luggage.  It has Cohen the Barbarian and his Silver Horde.  DEATH makes a cameo appearance.  And we meet up again with Twoflower, whom we hadn't seen since Book #2.

    The Agatean Empire is an obvious embodiment of China, so that's a big plus for me.  There are lots of references to Chinese culture and history, as well as the Mandarin language itself.  It verges on stereotyping, but I'll give Pratchett the benefit of the doubt, and assume it's all tongue-in-cheek. 

    This is mostly a light-hearted tale, but woven within is some subtle commentary about revolutions ("Meet the new boss; same as the old boss") and lessons that geriatric geezers can still teach young 'uns.

Kewlest New Word...
Leylines : Alleged alignments of a number of places of geographical or metaphysical interest.  (Who knew there was such a term?)

Excerpts...
    Cohen smiled proprietorially.
    "Truckle used to be reckoned one of the biggest badasses in the world," he said.
    "Really?  Him?"
    "But it's amazing what you can do with a herbal suppository."
    "Up yours, mister," said Truckle.  (pg. 84)

    Agatean was a language of few basic syllables.  It was really all in the tone, inflection, and context.  Otherwise, the word for military leader was also the word for long-tailed marmot, male sexual organ, and ancient chicken coop.  (pg. 92; and very true of Mandarin)

    "How about Organdy Sloggo?  Still going strong down in Howondaland, last I heard."
    "Dead.  Metal poisoning."
    "How?"
    "Three swords through the stomach."  (pg. 333)

"When many expect a mighty stallion they will find hooves on an ant."  (pg. 118)
    At  book #17, Interesting Times is a "tweener" in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.  The early books were pure tale-telling; and the later ones deal with heavier themes, such as hooliganism and bigotry.  This is a nice blend of those two motifs.

    The storyline moves along nicely, and builds to an exciting and unexpected (unless you're Rincewind) climax.  The only things it's missing are the complex and divergent subplots that are typically present and which Pratchett always deftly weaves into a coherent conclusion.  I am of course in awe of his ability to do this, but their absence here seems to allow Interesting Times to stay more focused than usual throughout.  9 Stars.

The Girl Who Played With Fire - Stieg Larsson

2006 (Swedish); 2009 (English).  724 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Murder Mystery.  Book #2 of the "Millennium Trilogy".  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

Three people are gunned down execution-style, and there's forensic evidence that links Lisbeth Salander (and only her) to each one.  Mikael Blomkvist believes she is innocent.  Even if she is mentally unstable.  With violent tendencies.  And never wants to see him again.  And despite the fact that one of the victims is...

What's To Like...
    This is a fine sequel to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  Blomkvist is no longer bedding every biped he meets, and the storyline is a lot more focused.  Larsson still gets detail-obsessed at times (such as describing every last thing the Lisbeth buys for her apartment), but he keeps it more under control.

Fermat's Last Theorem is in the book (Wiki it), which is always kewl.  And there's some chess too.  The book does start a bit slow (the first murder doesn't occur until page 245), but from there on in, it's a real page-turner.  The ending leaves a couple frayed ends, but I presume this is so it can segue right into the third book, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest.

Once again, the characters created by Larsson are wonderful studies - even the baddies.  And he is a master at writing a good murder-mystery.

Kewlest New Word...
None really.  I think that's because it's a translation.

Excerpts... 
    She would have considered staying longer had she not made an enemy of a slow-witted young hoodlum who haunted the bar of her backstreet hotel.  Finally she lost patience and whacked him on the head with a brick, checked out of the hotel, and took a ferry to St. George's, the capital of Grenada.  (pg. 14.  I told you she has violent tendencies.)

    It was a one-bedroom apartment in Enskede.  Svensson and Johansson had been going out for a few years, but had finally taken the plunge and moved in together a year ago.  (pg. 114.  Swedes apparently have a different view of what "commitment" entails.)

    There are no innocents.  There are, however, different degrees of responsibility.
    Bjurman was dead because he had chosen not to play by the rules she had stipulated.  He had had every chance, but still he had hired some f**king alpha male to do her harm.  That was not her responsibility.  (pg. 462)

Lisbeth was first.  Camilla was beautiful.  (pg. 109)
    I liked The Girl Who Played With Fire better than TGWTDT.  Lisbeth is now the central character, and she's much more interesting than Blomkvist. 

    Larsson's writing seems to have gotten more polished, although perhaps that's just a matter of a better translator.  The identity of the perpetrator(s) will keep you guessing, as will the motive(s).

    The ending will strain your believability tendon once or twice, but it wraps up the plotline nicely and lays the foundation for Book 3.  It is best if you read these in order, which means you commit to 2100 pages or so when you decide to take up Larsson.  It's well worth it.  8½ Stars.

Fuzzy Sapiens - H. Beam Piper

1964; 235 pages.  Genre : Classic Science Fiction.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.
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Fuzzy Sapiens is the sequel to Little Fuzzy (which is reviewed here).  The Fuzzies have been declared sentient, which means you can't kill them, skin them, and/or eat them.  They now have certain rights to their planet, even if all they want to do is snuggle up to the humans and eat their Extee-3 rations.
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But a planetary governemnt has to be established, the Fuzzies need to be protected, and a stable economic system needs to be implemented.  Who knew that these mundane issues would turn out to be so complex?
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What's To Like...
This is "hard" science fiction (meaning 'realistic') from before there was such a sub-genre.  What little thrills-&-spills action there is comes late in the book, and half of it is off-stage.
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Instead you get to help solve a number of real-world issues.  The Fuzzies' Infant Mortality Rate is excessive to where they will be extinxt in a couple generations.  They only eat land prawns and Extee-3 and the planetary supplies of those is such that they'll starve to death before they become extinct.
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The Fuzzies are amenable to be "adopted" by humans, but the demand outstrips the supply.  Will a black market spring up?  Their homeland is ripe for mineral exploitation, and sentient or not, humans are coming by the thousands to colonize the planet.
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For a change, chemists - and even large corporations - are given a fair shake.  Some of the Bad Guys from Little Fuzzy become Good Guys,  and some of the Good Guys from Little Fuzzy develop character faults.
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Kewlest New Word(s)...
I'm tempted to go with Nifflheim, which Piper uses as a euphemism for 'Hell', except that towards the end he just up and uses the h-word anyway.  So instead, we'll go with : Mumchance (adj.) : mute, not speaking.
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Excerpts...
And this red upholstered swivel chair; he hated that worst of all.  Forty years ago, he'd left Terra to get the seat of his pants off the seat of a chair like that, and here he was in the evening of life - well, late afternoon, call it around second cocktail time - trapped in one.  (pg. 8)
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Titanium, he thought disgustedly.  It would be something like that.  What is it they called the stuff?  Oh, yes; the nymphomaniac metal; when it gets hot it combines with anything.  (pg. 153)
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    "Miss Tresca, can't you keep your bench in better order than this?" he scolded.  "Keep things in their places.  What are you working on?"
    "Oh, a hunch I had about this hokfusine."
    Hunch!  That was the trouble, all through Science Center; too many hunches and not enough sound theory.  (pg. 158)
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"Last war's enemies; next war's allies."  (pg. 127)
To a certain degree, H. Beam Piper ignores the greater issues of humans colonizing an already-inhabited planet.  The Fuzzies are migrating, and in droves, but nobody bothers to ask why.  The full impact of overwhelming hordes of humans descending on the Fuzzies habitat is not assessed.  Nobody asks what the Fuzzies ate before they got hooked on Terran Extee-3.
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But I think this misses the point of Fuzzy Sapiens.  There may be some significant issues to be faced, but the target audience is still Young Readers.  To fully address "the big picture" would mean perhaps a 1000-page opus.  Instead, Piper presents only a slice of it, and takes less than 250 pages to do so.  He thereby subtly entices Young Readers to consider becoming chemists, and to explore what we call the Scientific Method.  I think that's kinda kewl.  7 Stars.

The Number of the Beast - Robert A. Heinlein

1980; 511 pages. Genre : Sci-Fi. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 3½*/10.

The Universe consists of Time and Space. Space has three dimensions, so why shouldn't Time have three also? That's what Dr. Jacob Burroughs postulates, and in testing it, he discovers Time- and Dimension-Travel, and builds a device to do just that. He, his daughter, and their respective spouses set off to explore limitless other worlds and times. And hopefully avoid the "Black Hats" who keep trying to blow them up.

What's To Like...
There's plenty of Chrono- and Dimension-Hopping.  There are also visits to fictional places such as Oz and Lilliput.  Maybe this is where Jasper Fforde got his idea for the Thursday Next series.

There's lots of sex - straight, gay, group, free-love, incest; you name it.  The only one Heinlein doesn't seem comfortable with was male gay sex.  There's also a lot of nudity.  NBD in a book, but if this ever gets made into a movie, they won't have to spend much of wardrobes.

For us geeks, there is a lot of math and physics, but it won't overwhelm non-geeks.  The two main women are strong characters; Heinlein would've supported ERA.

Alas, there is also a lot wrong with this book.  There is way too much dialogue, extended stretches of slow spots, only sporadic action, and an obsession with computer program commands.  The title is misleading, and our four heroes are just way too advanced over everyone they meet.  The storyline wanders, sputters, stalls, and finally sinks into senility.

Kewlest New Word...
An acronym, actually.  TANSTAAFL.  Which means "there ain't no such thing as a free lunch".  Really.  Hey, there's even a Wikipedia entry on it.

Excerpts...
    "Gosh, what big words you know.  Mister.  I mean 'Doctor.'"
    "'Mister is correct.  On this campus it is swank to assume that everyone holds a doctorate.  Even I have one.  Ph.D.  Do you know what that stands for?"
    "Doesn't everybody?  I have a Ph.D., too.  'Piled Higher and Deeper.'"  (pg. 12)

    She was dressed, if  "dressed" is the word.  "Wheeeewhoo!"
    "Like it?"
    "I can't wait to get into mine.  It is the most indecent outfit I've ever seen, with no other purpose than to excite lewd, libidinous, lascivious, licentious, lecherous, lustful longings in the loins of Lotharios."
    "Isn't that the purpose of clothing?"  (pg. 456)

"'Time is out of joint, O curséd sprite, that I was ever picked to set it right.'"  (pg. 358)
The Number of the Beast was written late in Heinlein's life; right after he had recovered from some serious health problems.  It has the "feel" of an author waxing wistful over his career and wanting to give account of it.

He starts by showing you his childhood influences - Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barzoom series, Oz, Wonderland, Lilliput, and a couple other fictional settings that I was unacquainted with.  Then he gives a gracious nod to all sorts of other writers that he admires, with only a slight self-deprecating mention of himself.

Finally he incorporates all the major characters from his biggest novels into the last third of the story.  Lazarus Long is here, and you can grok him to your heart's content.

So this is primarily Robert A. Heinlein writing for Robert A. Heinlein.  Heinlein Trekkie-types (I'd call them 'heinies' but that's pejorative; so maybe 'heinlies' will do) who have memorized all his works will enjoy this nostalgic stroll.  For everyone else though, TNOTB is a skipper.  3½ Stars, but lots more if you're a Heinlie.

Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader

2004; 518 pages. Genre : Humor, Reference. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

I can't see doing a formal review on an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. I've read a couple of these; this one's as good as - but no better than - any of the others.

.What's To Like...

Here are a couple articles that I really enjoyed in this volume. Happy Eostre! (pg. 75) - a review of the various Easter traditions (bunnies, baskets, eggs, Sunday) and how they got started. Banned Books (pg. 80) - 8 of them, a couple of which (Little Red Riding Hood; the American Heritage Dictionary) you might be surprised that they were taken off the shelf. Word Origins (pg. 87) - how words like Marmalade, Dumbbell, Jinx came into our tongue. The Man Inside The Terminal (pg. 99) - meet Merhan Karimi Nasseri, and learn why he's lived for 15 years (as of the book's publishing) inside Terminal One of Charles deGaulle Airport.

.The Zombie Quiz (pg. 233) - Test your knowledge of the undead critters. Pay special attention to question #9 - what's the best weapon when trying to kill a zombie? Say Goodnight, Gracie (pg. 269) - eight of Gracie's best one-liners from the old Burns & Allen TV show. Sagan Says (pg. 390) - some great quotes by the late Carl Sagan. (Not) Coming to a Theater Near You (pg. 435) - a bunch of movies started but never completed. Including one "miss" by Uncle John, as Avatar is on the list. Apparently in 2004, this looked like one with no chance of ever being made.

"We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it's forever." (Carl Sagan)

If you don't know what an Uncle John Bathroom Reader is (and I find that hard to imagine), head on down to your local bookstore or Target and pick one up. They are all equally good; so don't spend too much time deciding which one to buy.

.I suppose the only way to rate a Bathroom Reader is on its entertainment value. Some of the articles are "misses" (such as the one on Birthstones); but what bores me may amuse you. For every dud, there were probably 10-15 kewl articles, so we'll give UJSIBR 7 Stars; and especially recommend it for Trivia buffs.

Jitterbug Perfume - Tom Robbins

1984; 342 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Modern Lit. Tom Robbins' 4th novel. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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In an 8th-century kingdom in Bohemia, they have a strange custom. At the first sign of old age, the king is ritually killed and replaced with someone younger. In this way, the "spirit" of the tribe is kept strong.

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King Alobar has never had a problem with this edict. Until the day the first gray hair appeared in his beard. He plucked it out, but more took its place. Alobar discovers he is not quite ready to put his head on the chopping block, so he fakes his death and flees eastward. But Death can be a persistent chaser.

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Meanwhile, in the present, we are introduced to a waitress in Seattle, two Cajun ladies in New Orleans, and a French business family in Paris. All are trying to concoct the perfect jasmine perfume. How is Tom Robbins going to bring all three of these parties together, not to mention tying Alobar into the story as well? And what do the prominently-themed beets have to do with anything?

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What's To Like...

Jitterbug Perfume is a wonderful read, combining serious issues (religion, business ethics, philosophy, self-determination and above all, immortality) with some clever plot twists, literary devices (puns, metaphors, and similes), and hilarious topics (the secret of the beet, Einstein's last words, the "King of the Bean", and of course, perfumery).

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The supporting cast are as fun to follow as the main characters. You meet the Greek god Pan, Dr. Dannyboy Wiggs, Bingo Pajamas, and the dancing, chanting Bandaloop Doctors. There's also a love story. And a lot of sex. It keeps you young, you know.

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Kewlest New Word...

Loa : the spirits in the (Haitian) Voodoo world.

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Excerpts...

"Ricki, do you believe in immortality?"

"I'll try anything once." (pg. 113)

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Their quarreling chewed through the curtains, pierced the casements, and rattled over the cobblestones outside. How strange it must have sounded, this quarreling about dematerialization, voluntary aging, goat gods, and immortality, to a city that was primed for the Age of Reason, a populace that was beginning to put Descartes before des horse. (pg. 174)

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"One last thing about death, " said Wiggs.

"What's that?" Pris asked rather morosely. She was still staring at the spot where his teardrop had hit the water.

"After you die, your hair and your nails continue to grow."

"I've heard that."

"Yes. But your phone calls taper off." (pg. 285)

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"I may be mad ... but I prefer the sh*t of this world to whatever sweet ambrosias the next might offer." (pg. 29)

The clever wit of Jitterbug Perfume will keep you turning the pages as you read it in bed, but Tom Robbins' views on the serious themes will keep awake thinking long after you've turned out the light.

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Overall, his two main points seem to be : 1.) There is not a shred of empirical evidence that the afterlife exists, let along any solid details on what it's like. 2.) That being the case, all theological explanations - Salvation, Reincarnation, the pantheon of Greek Gods, etc.; are equally plausible.

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Jitterbug Perfume presents its own account of the afterlife, but you certainly don't get the impression that Robbins expects you to take it seriously. Indeed, the "moral" of the book is given in a single German-sounding made-up word : Erleichda. Which loosely translated means "Lighten up!"

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Jitterbug Perfume is a fine follow-up to Robbins' Still Life With Woodpecker (reviewed here). Highly recommended. 9 Stars.

Lord Valentine's Castle - Robert Silverberg

1980; 447 pages. Laurels : 1981 Locus Award winner; 1981 Hugo Award nominee. New Author? : Yes. Genre : Fantasy; Sci-Fi. First book (out of 10) of the "Majipoor" series. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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It is a special day in Pidruid. The world's ruler (aka "the Coronal", aka "Lord Valentine") is paying the city an official visit; something that only happens once every 10 years or so.

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Out in the crowd, a drifter (who is also named Valentine) watches the royal procession, even making eye contact with the Coronal. Something stirs in him - a bond of some sort. Something from his past. Although now that he thinks about it, there is very little that Valentine remembers of his past.

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What's To Like...

Lord Valentine's Castle is more sci-fantasy than sci-fi. There is a whole planet to explore with Valentine, and it is filled with vividly detailed and fascinating flora, fauna, and alien races.

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Valentine learns juggling and joins a wandering troupe - not your usual role for a hero. The troupe itself has some kewl personalities, and they gradually become the core of his "merry band" as he tries to figure out Who he is, and What happened to him.

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The storyline is a bit prosaic and some of the deux ex machina devices are a tad too convenient. Valentine develops a Jedi-like mind-control gift ("These are not the droids you are looking for") and gets too many dreams ("sendings"). All too often, these are used to get him out of scrapes, and reveal things about his past.

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But who cares? There's a world out there to explore. The aliens are kewl, original, and "gray" (no orcs, elves, dwarves, or hobbits here). There's a good ending which is also "gray", and which sets up the host of sequels and prequels that Robert Silverberg penned in this series.

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Kewlest New Word...

Acidulously: in a slightly sour, harsh, or acidic manner. (Not to be confused with "assiduously").

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Excerpts...

"(W)hy would I want to be Coronal?"

"The power," said Shanamir, wide-eyed. "The fine clothes, the food, the wine, the jewels, the palaces, the women-"

"The responsibility," Valentine said somberly. "The burden. Do you think a Coronal does nothing but drink golden wine and march in grand processions? Do you think he's put there just to enjoy himself?"

The boy considered. "Perhaps not."

"He rules over billions upon billions of people, across territories so huge we can't comprehend them. Everything falls on his shoulders. To carry out the decrees of the Pontifex, to sustain order, to support justice in every land - it tires me to think of it, boy. He keeps the world from collapsing into chaos. Let him have the job." (pg. 4)

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"There's a paradox in your dilemma, Valentine. You strive to renounce purpose; but your renunciation itself has a purpose. Do you see? Your speaker surely does."

"Of course I see. But what do I do? How do I pretend not to care whether I stay here forever?"

"Pretense is impossible. The moment you genuinely don't care, you'll move forward. Not until then."

Valentine shook his head. "That's like telling me that my salvation depends on never thinking of gihorna-birds. The harder I'd try not to think of them, the more flocks of gihornas would fly through my mind." (pg. 265)

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Spare a royal, spare a crown,

Gentlefolk, come sit ye down.

Astonishment and levity-

Come and see our jugglery! (pg. 74)

In terms of the history of science fiction, this is a "tweener". It's deeper and more adult-themed than the 200-page 50's sci-fi classics that are geared toward teenage boy readers. OTOH, it's not as complex as today's epic sci-fi stories/series. Overall, Lord Valentine's Castle feels like a forerunner to Space Operas. So it's hard to say who the target audience is. It's too shallow for an adult; yet has too much sex for the kiddies.

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But the plusses - the juggling, the ending, the characters, and the marvelous lands of planet Majipoor - more than compensate for the "tween-ness". I picked LVC up because I'm always interested in how Science Fiction evolved from the 1950's through the present. I ended up with an enjoyable journey through a brave, new, and original world. 7½ Stars.

Last Lion - Peter S. Canellos

2009; 409 pages (plus another 54 pages of notes). Full Title : Last Lion : The Fall and Rise of Ted Kennedy. Genre : Non-Fiction; Biography. New Author? : Yes. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy (02/22/32 - 08/25/09) was the fourth-longest serving US Senator in history, being there just shy of 47 years. He was the youngest of nine children. This book, Last Lion, was published in February 2009, after Senator Kennedy had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and about 6 months before his death.

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What's To Like...

The book moves along at a nice, steady pace and has some kewl photos. There are a zillion events to recount, so none is covered in a lot of depth. Some quick notes...

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Early Life : he grew up under Joe and Rose's strong-willed tutelage. It would be nice to be Kennedy-rich (the kids lacked for nothing), but it came at the cost of a highly dysfunctional family and incredible amounts of sibling rivalry. JFK-RFK : It must be painful to lose all your older brothers; with lots of unanswered questions. Chappaquiddick : Covered objectively, but there are lots of unanswered questions. US Senate : a champion of the people; a deal-broker; and probably the biggest reason we have Health Care Reform. Later Years : The family rebel becomes the family patriarch. He finds true love late in life.

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Kewlest New Word...

Accretional : marked by growth or increase in size by gradual external addition, fusion, or inclusion.

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Excerpts...

"My brother need not be idealized or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life," Ted said, looking down, "but be remembered simply as a good and decent man who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it. Those of us who loved him and who take him to his rest today pray that what he was to us and what he wished for others will someday come to pass for all the world." (giving Bobby Kennedy's eulogy; pg. 136)

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His personal exposure to health care challenges only strengthened his determination to achieve his central goal in the Senate, the mission that drove both his daily schedule and his long term agenda: he wanted every man, woman, and child in American to have access to decent health care. In theory, it was a goal that could be accomplished with one, big national health care program, a plan that would ensure that pregnant women would have prenatal care, that children would get their vaccinations, that sufferers of rare diseases would have access to the medicines they needed, that workers could change their jobs without worrying about losing their health insurance, and that seniors would not have to choose between food and prescription durgs. In practice, Kennedy would spend decades trying to make those things happen piece by piece. (pg. 323)

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Contribute something worthwhile. (pg. 17, a Kennedy family edict)

Last Lion is an even look at Ted Kennedy's life. The warts are presented, but without being lurid. The accomplishments are presented, but without being maudlin. The book was actually written by a team of Boston Globe jourenalists, and it has a "newspaper article" feel to it.

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"Last Lion" is a fitting title. He was the last lion of liberal causes, the last lion of the Senate (just look how many incumbents have announced they won't seek re-election), and the last lion of the "Camelot" generation of Kennedys. All in all, it is a beautiful and respectful way to pay tribute to one of the giants of 20th-century US politics. 8 Stars.

The Devil's Novice - Ellis Peters

1983; 214 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Medieval Crime Mystery; Sub-Genre : "Cozy". Book #8 in the "Brother Cadfael" series. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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On a dark and rainy day, 19-year-old Meriet Aspley petitions to join the abbey. He has a maximum of determination, a minimum of zeal, and strange dreams that leave him screaming in his sleep. Coincidentally, the Bishop's envoy (and by extension, the King's) goes missing, immediately after sojourning at the Aspley manor. Could these two events be related?

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What's To Like...

The Devil's Novice is is another of the Brother Cadfael cozies, and takes place in 1140 AD, during turbulent times along the Welsh-English border. As such, it is as much a piece of historical fiction as it is a mystery story. Peters gives an interesting (albeit tangential) account of oblates - young children vowed and given by their parents to monastic life. Enlightening, but I'm glad it is no longer a practice.

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As usual, Ellis Peters weaves the crime-mystery story deftly. Bits of information are revealed gradually, with a nice it-all-makes-sense-now ending. The perpetrator's fate, however, is unexpected, which made for a nice change.

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Despite the title, there is no Satanism in the story. But Ms. Peters does take a gentle swipe at those who would see demonic posession in all too many people and places.

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Kewlest New Word...

Ellis Peters' books always have a slew of great medieval vocabulary, so choosing one is difficult. For now, we'll go with - Briaut : an overgarment worn by both sexes (but mostly women) during the 11th-13th century. Its salient characteristic was long, flowing sleeves. Victorian artists were big on painting these. Google-Image it and you'll recognize the garment.

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Excerpts...

Afterwards, of course, there were plenty of wiseacres pregnant with hindsight, listing portents, talking darkly of omens, brazenly asserting that they told everyone so. After every shock and reverse, such late experts proliferate. (pg. 7)

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"Was this well done, brother? Falsely you brought me here! You told me my son was mortally ill."

"So he is," said Cadfael. "Have you not his own word for it how close he feels his death? So are you, so are we all. The disease of mortality is in us from the womb, from the day of our birth we are on the way to our death. What matters is how we conduct the journey." (pgs. 168-69)

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(T)here's many a young man has got his heart's dearest wish, only to curse the day he ever wished for it. (pg. 62)

It has to be said that the "break" in the case has a rather random feel to it, and you'll be wasting your time if you try to solve it alongside Brother Cadfael. But really, that doesn't detract from the tale. The Devil's Novice is a short read, so sit back and enjoy an entertaining story from a long-gone time. 7½ Stars.

Flashman - George MacDonald Fraser

1969; 252 pages. Genre : Historical Fiction. New Author? : Yes. Book #1 (out of 12) of the "Flashman" series. Overall Rating : 4½*/10.

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Harry Flashman is a decorated hero of various wars and military debacles of the 19th century. He's also a vain, womanizing, bullying coward who wrote his memoirs (the Flashman series) to "set the record straight" about his supposed exploits. In this, the first book in the series, he recounts his adventures in what is called the First Anglo-Afghan War.

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What's To Like...

If you like anti-heroes, Flashy's your guy. He has very few redeeming qualities, other than being able to spot a dangerous enemy and an incompetent ally. He also picks up the native lingo quickly, and has a way with the ladies. Usually.

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Flashman is a historically-accurate account of the disastrous British retreat from Kabul in 1842. You can read the Wiki article about it here. Our protagonist will later also take part in Custer's Last Stand and the Charge of the Light Brigade. Good luck shines on him alone; everyone around him gets shafted.

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There's lots of action, lots of wit, sex aplenty, and some kewl Indian and Afghan vocabulary to supplement the "British" text. (Fraser was Scottish) There are also some timely lessons for NATO and the US about occupying Afghanistan. Don't do it!

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OTOH, to call Flashman a scoundrel would be an understatement. He deserts his military friends, tries to bed every woman he meets (single or married), thinks only of himself, and on one occasion commits rape. There is also prolific use of the N-word, which grates my teeth. Flashman of course escapes every crisis (well, there are another 11 books in the series, you know). If there's a moral to this story, I'm not sure I like it.

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Kewlest New Word...

Gommeril : a fool. (a Britishism/Yorkshire-ism)

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Excerpts...

...for the true talent for catastrophe - Elphy Bey stood alone. Others abide our question, but Elphy outshines them all as the greatest military idiot of our own or any other day.

Only he could have permitted the First Afghan War and let it develop to such ruinous defeat. It was not easy: he started with a good army, a secure position, some excellent officers, a disorganized enemy, and repeated opportunities to save the situation. But Elphy, with the touch of true genius, swept aside these obstacles with unerring precision, and out of order wrought complete chaos. We shall not, with luck, look upon his like again. (pgs. 98-99)

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I recognized the handwriting, and my heart gave a skip; when I opened it I got a turn, for it began, "To my most beloved Hector," and I thought, by God, she's cheating on me, and has sent me the wrong letter by mistake. But in the second line was a reference to Achilles, and another to Ajax, so I understood she was just addressing me in terms which she accounted fitting for a marital paladin; she knew no better. (pgs. 154-155)

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"What difference does it make whether you die like an Englishman or like a bloody Eskimo?" (pg. 199)

I kept waiting for Harry to get his "just deserts", but it never happened. There is a hint of a comeuppance at the very end; but it's left as a loose end. Perhaps it's a teaser to make me read the next book.

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If you can overlook Flashman's boorishness and the use of the N-word every time an Indian or Afghan is referred to, you will find this book to be an excellent piece of historical fiction.

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Alas, I couldn't. My only hope is that Flashy "evolves" into a decent human being (well, at least not an utterly reprehensible one) as the series progresses. I will give George MacDonald Fraser another chance. There is one more Flashman book on my TBR shelf. 4½ Stars, but that rating could go up if Flashy starts to self-improve.

The Reality Dysfunction - Peter F. Hamilton

1996; 1,094 pages (whew!). New Author? : Yes. Genre : Space Opera; Horror. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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It's the 27th century. Mankind is exploring the galaxy and colonizing all sorts of inhabitable planets and asteroid systems. Bioengineering means most people live for more than a century; and something called an "affinity gene" can be implanted (to those who want it) which allows a "mind meld" with others with the gene; or even with a spaceship or an entire spaceport.

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But on a backwater, 3rd-rate planet called Lalonde, something has been unleashed. It takes over people's bodies and has incredible (but not infinite) powers. It overruns Lalonde and is now spreading to other planets. The ancients had a name for it : The Reality Dysfunction.

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What's To Like...

With 1100 pages to work with, Peter F. Hamilton gives you a vast, incredibly detailed, complex, and picturesque array of worlds. There is also a timeline at the beginning to cover the major points of the years 2000-2600 AD. That is a big help in getting acclimated to his universe.

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He also has time to develop a bunch of great characters. Even the bad guys are 3-D and a bit "gray". Best of all, a number of the developed characters get killed along the way, which makes it hard to guess whether they will survive a given crisis. I really like that.

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TRD is the first book of a trilogy, and most of it is focused on the good guys investigating the Reality Dysfunction - learning what it is, what its aims are, what its origins are, and (most importantly) how to combat it. The ending reminded me of the first Star Wars movie (Episode 4) - there is a climax of sorts, but on a grander scale, the stage is set for more epic things to come. Neither the Forces of Good nor the Forces of Evil are of one accord, which makes the conflict quite complicated.

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Be forewarned : there is a lot of sex (apparently a requisite for Space Opera), as well as a lot of graphic violence and gore. This is not one for the kiddies or anyone who's sensitive to these kinds of things. It is also not a stand-alone novel.

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Kewlest Word...

Shambolic : disorderly or chaotic (a Britishism).

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Excerpts...

"I wish I could stop you from feeling so much guilt," Peter had said. That was the day they had left the planet, the two of them waiting in the officers' mess of a navy spaceport while their shuttle was prepared.

"Wouldn't you feel guilty?" she asked irritably. She didn't want to talk, but she didn't want to be silent either.

"Yes. But not as much as you. You're taking the blame for the entire conflict. You shouldn't do that. Both of us, all of us, everyone on the planet, we're all being propelled by fate."

"How many despots and warlords have said that down through the centuries? I wonder," she retorted. (pgs. 11-12)

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Like most scavengers, Joshua thought he knew the Laymil well enough to build up a working image. In his mind they weren't so much different from humans. Weird shape, trisymmetric: three arms, three legs, three stumpy serpentlike sensor heads, standing slightly shorter than a man. Strange biochemistry: there were three sexes, one female egg-carrier, two male sperm-carriers. But essentially human in basic motivation; they ate and shitted, and had kids, and built machines, and put together a technological civilization, probably even cursed their boss and went for a drink after work. (pgs. 59-60)

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"I'm a futurologist ... on a one-way ride to eternity. I just get out of my time machine for a look round every now and then." (pg. 239)

You measure a Space Opera by how vibrant and believable its world is. You measure a Horror story by how much you feel the terror, which is no mean feat, considering you're simply sitting there reading the book. By both these criteria, The Reality Dysfunction is a first-rate story. Book 2 ("The Neutronium Alchemist") is on my TBR shelf. I'm sure it won't be long before I tackle it. 9 Stars.

Three Men on the Bummel - Jerome K. Jerome

1900; 207 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Claasic Lit; Humor. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Three Men on the Bummel is the sequel to Jerome K. Jerome's incredibly successful Three Men in a Boat, which was reviewed here. This time our intrepid trio, instead of boating up the Thames, go bicycling around the Black Forest region of Germany. This precludes the dog from accompanying them, but the usual humor, mayhem, and narrator's insight are here.

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Bummel is a German word, and doesn't really have an English equivalent. Jerome gives his definition late in the book. "Stroll" is close, but implies walking and of a short duration. This outing lasts more than a week, and involves riding on bicycles.

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What's To Like...

Besides the entertaining wit, 3MotB again offers an enlightening glimpse of life in Europe at the dawn of the 20th century. Transportation entails horses, trains, or walking; but now bicycling has become a recreational craze, and leisure time is increasing. Even an average British citizen can afford to cycle around Europe.

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3MotB spotlights Germany, and was written after Jerome and his wife spent some time there in 1898. Jerome gives us a lot of commentary on the German psyche, some of it eerily prescient of their World War One (and WW2) mindset.

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But for the most part, Jerome speaks kindly of the Deutschlanders. And he still has his self-deprecating ways - our trio get into countless pickles - especially ones involving language and directional issues - when the natives often have to help them out.

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Kewlest New Word...

Droshky : an open, 4-wheeled, horse-drawn carriage.

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Excerpts...

"If nobody ever tried a new thing the world would come to a standstill. It is by-"

"I know all that can be said on that side of the argument," I interrupted. "I agree in trying new experiments up to thirty-five; after thirty-five I consider a man is entitled to think of himself. You and I have done our duty in this direction, you especially. You have been blown up by a patent gas lamp-"

He said: "I really think, you know, that was my fault; I think I must have screwed it up too tight." (pg. 34)

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Your German likes the country, but he prefers it as the lady thought she would the noble savage - more dressed. He likes his walk through the wood - to a restaurant. But the pathway must not be too steep, it must have a brick gutter running down one side of it to drain it, and every twenty yards or so it must have its seat on which he can rest and mop his brow; (pgs. 97-98)

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Shakespeare and Milton may have done their best to spread acquaintance with the English tongue among the less favoured inhabitants of Europe. (...) But the man who has spread the knowledge of English from Cape St. Vincent to the Ural Mountains is the Englishman who, unable or unwilling to learn a single word of any language but his own, travels purse in hand to every corner of the Continent. One may be shocked at his ignorance, annoyed at his stupidity, angry at his presumption. But the practical fact remains: he it is that is Anglicizing Europe. (pg. 164)

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...if a woman wanted a diamond tiara, she would explain that it was to save the expense of a bonnet. (pg. 24)

Three Men on the Bummel is a light, fun, wit-filled book; which almost, but not quite, measures up to its acclaimed predecessor. Some think this is due to the dog being absent; or that it lacks a unifying theme, such as the Thames was in Three Men in a Boat. It is always hard for a sequel (except for the Mad Max movies) to measure up to the original.

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Personally, I thought the problem is that Jerome's focus is now external. Before, he poked fun at his own English culture. Now, he's critiquing someone else's - the Germans. If I laugh at myself, everone laughs with me. If I laugh at others, someone will no longer find it as humorous.

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Anybody who loved Three Men on a Boat will also like Three Men on the Bummel. But if you are going to read only one of these, choose 3MiaB. 8 Stars.

Little Fuzzy - H. Beam Piper

1962; 174 pages. Genre : 50's Sci-Fi. Laurels : nominated for the Hugo Award in 1963. New Author? : Yes. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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Q. : If you landed on another planet, and encountered something that, say, looked like a Wookie or an Ewok, how would you know whether to make friends with it or shoot it for its meat and fur? A. : By determining whether it's a sapient being.

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Fair enough. But how would you define "sapient"? Well, the Zarathustra Company uses the guideline of whether it can talk and build a fire. And they have a charter to develop and exploit the natural resources on one particular planet, provided it has no sapient beings. That's an important clause, because if sentient creatures are found, they are the rightful owners of the planet, and Zarathustra Company's charter instantly becomes null and void. And wouldn't you know it, Jack Holloway has just crossed paths with a family of Hoka-looking "Fuzzies".

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What's To Like...

Little Fuzzy is a short, cute, easy-to-read, Sci-Fi story from the early 60's. Its target audience is young boys, yet it addresses some serious issues. Is it okay to do environmental damage to an ecosystem, as long as the creatures in it are non-sapient? How is sapience determined, and who makes that decision? What if a species is "almost" sapient? Are there any consequences if you kill a native creature prior to its sapience being determined? If something is good for the company that employs you, but unethical, can you still do it?

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For adults, the storyline might be a bit unbelievable and simplistic. Faced with a suit-&-countersuit, a judge decides to simply hold both trials simultaneously. And there's no need to determine whether a witness is telling the truth, we have a handy-dandy, infallible, lie-detector-type thingy called a Veridicator. How convenient.

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All characters are either black or white, and the story shows its age by the fact that drinking and smoking cigarettes are portrayed as normal daily activities for all adults, good or bad. Not the sort of thing you want influencing a kid reading this.

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Kewlest Word...

Colloquy : a formal conversation or conference.

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Excerpts...

"They don't talk, and they don't build fires," Ahmed Khadra said, as though that settled it.

"Ahmed, you knw better than that. That talk-and-build-a-fire rule isn't any scientific test at all."

"It's a legal test," Lunt supported his subordinate.

"It's a rule-of-thumb that was set up so that settlers on new planets couldn't get away with murdering and enslaving the natives by claiming they thought they were only hunting and domesticating wild animals," he said. "Anything that talks and builds a fire is a sapient being, yes. That's the law. But that doesn't mean that anything that doesn't isn't." (pg. 36)

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"They will have a nice, neat, pedantic definition of sapience, tailored especially to exclude the Fuzzies, and they will present it in court and try to get it accepted, and it's up to us to guess in advance what that will be, and have a refutation of it ready, and also a definition of our own."

"Their definition will have to include Khooghras. Gerd, do the Khooghras bury their dead?"

"Hell, no; they eat them. But you have to give them this, they cook them first." (pgs. 97-98)

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If you don't like the facts, you ignore them, and if you need facts, dream up some you do like. (pg. 15)

Little Fuzzy's straightforward plotline won't challenge an adult reader, but that wasn't the target audience. OTOH, at the end of the book, H. Beam Piper launches into a 5-page diatribe giving his own definition of sapience (it was a subject near and dear to his heart), which will probably be over the heads of young readers.

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So what? This was a delightful, light story that will nevertheless leave readers of all ages pondering issues such as corporate greed, destructive environmental practices (even when they're NIMBY), animal rights (sapient and otherwise), gun rights, and capital punishment.

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Little Fuzzy is one of those rare books that I thought should have been twice as long as it is. 7½ Stars.

Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace

1996; 981 pages (plus another 96 pages of notes). New Author? : Yes. Genre : Modern Literature. Laurels : Time Magazine calls it one of the 100 best English-language novels since 1923. Overall Rating : 8*/10..
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Infinite Jest takes place in a slightly-alternate universe and slightly in the future. Most of the book is set in the greater Boston area - either at a teen Tennis Academy, or the halfway house for recovering addicts just down the hill therefrom..
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The main protagonist is one Hal Incandenza, an 18-year-old tennis prodigy; and we follow his whole family and a bunch more characters from the two aforementioned institutions, plus a pair of Quebecois terrorists (or are they double agents?) who for most of the book are in the desert night, just outside Tucson.
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Let's get the negatives out of the way first. Infinite Jest is bodaciously long; with a nebulous plot and a random ending point. It's hard to keep track of all the characters, and the storyline is non-linear. The writing style is atrocious. The book is over-cluttered with acronyms and profusely wordy. One run-on sentence runs a full five pages. Countless sentences begin with phrases like : "But yes so", "But and so", "Plus then", "And so but", etc. The 367 notes, all hundred pages of them, are a PITA, but sometimes whole chapters are hidden in them. For the record, I skipped most of the notes, and was (presumably) none the worse for it.
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And so yet...
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What's To Like...
Infinite Jest is a wonderful exposition on American culture. The teenage tennis phenoms are under mind-boggling pressure and treated like show dogs. There is a whole sub-culture of drug addicts (recovering and otherwise), crooks, and other assorted low-life. The Incandenza family is impressively dysfunctional.
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Northern New England is turned into a giant toxic dump, and canisters of waste are catapulted into it, with giant fans blowing the noxious fumes into Canada. For that matter, all of North America in now a single country, the USA having coerced Mexico and Canada into being weak sisters in the union. The government has long since gone broke and among other things now sells naming rights of individual years to corporations. For example, this year is called The Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment ("YDAU").
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There are a slew of existential episodes to enjoy. The Quebec terrorists are all in wheelchairs and use giant mirrors to sabotage nighttime motorists. The academy kids play a great game called "Eschaton" which is like the board-game Risk played on multiple tennis courts. There is a "Cult of the Veil" which both men and women can join.
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All the characters are 3-D, complex, and "gray". I found reading the Wikipedia entry on Infinite Jest beforehand helped me grasp how the seemingly unrelated plotlines tied together.
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Kewlest Word...
Koan : a paradoxical anecdote or riddle which defies logical reasoning.
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Excerpts...
In the eighth American educational grade, Bruce Green fell dreadfully in love with a classmate who had the unlikely name of Mildred Bonk. The name was unlikely because if ever an eighth-grader looked like a Daphne Christianson or a Kimberly St.-Simone or something like that, it was Mildred Bonk. She was the kind of fatally pretty and nubile wraithlike figure who glides through the sweaty junior-high corridors of every nocturnal emitters's dreamscape. (pg. 38).
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"So tonight to shush you how about if I say I have administrative bones to pick with God, Boo. I'll say God seems to have a kind of laid-back management style I'm not crazy about. I'm pretty much anti-death. God looks by all accounts to be pro-death. I'm not seeing how we can get together on this issue, he an I, Boo." (pg. 40)
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"Katherine, I will tell you a story about feeling so bad and saving a life. I do not know you but we are drunk together now, and will you hear this story?"
"It's not about Hitting Bottom ingesting any sort of Substance and trying to Surrender, is it?"
"My people, we do not hit the bottoms of women. I am, shall we say, Swiss." (pg. 776)
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Poor me, Poor Me, Pour Me A Drink. (pg. 839)
Life is like tennis; those who serve best usually win. (pg. 952)
At its core, Infinite Jest is a work of Modern Absurdism. The terrorists are absurd; the addicts are absurd; the tennis prodigies are absurd; the dysfunctional Incandenza's are absurd (papa I. commits suicide by nuking his head in a microwave). And like any piece of existential literature, the storyline is subsumed in the pointlessness of the lives of the characters.
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In that respect, it is a masterpiece. Yes, it's a slow, difficult read, but I kept coming back for more. It took me just over a month to read Infinite Jest, but IMHO it was a worthwhile trek. 8 Stars.

A Letter Of Mary - Laurie R. King

1996; 315 pages. Genre : Mystery. Sub-Genre : Sherlock Holmes. Book #3 in the "Mary Russell" series. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 5*/10.

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The third book in this series finds Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes now married and still sleuthing. A Letter Of Mary opens with a cantankerous lady archaeologist paying a visit to get their opinion of an ancient papyrus scroll that seems to have been written by Mary Magdalene. That would seem to be an obvious hoax, until someone murders the archaeologist and ransacks the Holmes/Russell abode in an apparent search for the scroll.

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What's To Like...

Mycroft Holmes is back, as is Inspector Lestrade. Russell and Holmes make for a fascinating couple. Particularly Mary, who is an anachronistic feminist. Some people were put off by this, but I thought it was a unique and worthy twist. Plus, Mary is left-handed, a sure sign of genius.

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The descriptions of 1923 London are neat, and some obscure tidbits of historical trivia are sprinkled throughout. For example, I got to learn about Abishag and Shunammism. Thank you, Wikipedia! The wit runs the length of the story and is quite entertaining.

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In the end however, any book that name-drops Sherlock Holmes will inevitably be compared to Arthur Conan Doyle's works, and in that respect, ALOM falls flat. There are very few Holmesian feats of observation, and when the breakthrough finally comes, it feels like an arbitrary turn of events. Far too many pages are filled with dead-ends (although I suppose you could claim they were red herrings), and the titular letter has almost nothing to do with the story.

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Kewl New Word...

Tutrix : a female tutor. (is that a kewl word, or what?! and I've changed the format of this section - from now on it will be one KNW per book, max.)

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Excerpts...

"Shall we see her?"

"We? My dear Russell, I am the husband of an emancipated woman who, although she may not yet vote in an election, is at least allowed to see her own friends without male chaperonage.:

"Don't be an ass, Holmes. She obviously wants to see both of us..." (pg. 7)

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Actually, I am not against the killing of foxes, being a farmer myself and having lost numerous poultry to them over the years. What I dislike is the unnecessary glorification of bloodthirstiness. We no longer execute our criminals with the prolonged agony of stoning or torture, and I cannot see why we should grant a wild creature any less dignity. (pg. 210-211)

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Cor, stone the crows, as my granfa' used to say..." (pg. 186)

This is the second book I've read from this series (the other one is reviewed here), and both left me muttering "meh". I almost think Laurie King would've been better off developing Mary Russell as a free-standing character. The feminist and theological angles could be more fully addressed, without being overshadowed by the unavoidable and distracting comparison to Conan Doyle's stories.

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OTOH, with some additional effort, A Letter Of Mary really could've been a fine Sherlock Holmes tale. Add in some more Holmesian deductions, tie in all the tangents, make the breakthrough a "Cold Case" type clue that would be easily overlooked at first glance, and give the purported ancient letter some relevance, even if it turns out to be a forgery. Arthur Conan Doyle would have done as much. 5 Stars.

Grunts - Mary Gentle

1992; 480 pages. Genre : High Fantasy; Parody. New Author? : No. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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Sing along now. "Orcs! HUNH! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing!"

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Well not quite. They're good for cannon-fodder in Good-vs.-Evil battles. A bunch of big, hybrid, stupid, mean-tempered hamburger meat for elves, dwarves, and other good guys to use for target practice. Exceedingly expendable. Expected to last for one battle only.

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But what if orcs got tired of all that? What if circumstances turned them into a squad of highly-trained US marines, with AK-47's, bazookas, stealth jets, and tanks? How would they then fare against the Forces of Light? That's what Mary Gentle examines in Grunts!

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What's To Like...

Grunts! takes a playful poke at all those epic fantasies we've read, enjoyed, and gotten tired of for having the same old plotline. There are elves and halflings, Aes Sedai, and secret "finger-talking" (from - I think - some David Eddings series that I now only vaguely recall). There's a dragon to be slain, mages with spells, and even a Balrog and a Gandalf knock-off.

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But things aren't as usual. The elves are bigoted; the orcs are tired of gettng killed; and the halflings are positively nasty. The Evil Lord wants to win - but via the electoral process.

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To me, Grunts! had the feel like a well-run D&D quest or a Warhammer campaign. There was lots of action, a goodly amount of humor, and enough twists to keep you wondering which sacred cow Ms. Gentle would slay next. But keep in mind that war in general, and orcs in particular, are brutal and merciless. The language is coarse, and the violence is profuse and graphic. This is not a book for the kiddies.

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Excerpts...

The orc encampment steamed gently in the sunshine.

Barashkukor, leaning scabby elbows on the parapet of the Nin-Edin fort, gazed down from the mountainside at a wilderness only the vultures could love. He tilted his dented helmet back on his head. "So what do you get if you cut the legs off a warrior?"

Marukka gave a baritone chuckle, waving her jagged sword in the air for emphasis. "A low-down bum!" (pg. 16)

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"You don't like elves, do you, orc - I mean, gunnery Sergeant?"

"Me?" The orc grinned and shrugged, massive shoulders rising almost to her pricked ears. "Man, I just love elf! You can't beat roast and basted elf-haunch. Unless it's breast-of-elf with chilli peppers." (pg. 243)

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The Dark Lord surveyed the benches to left and right of the Throne. Her delicate profile turned to Ashnak. "Shall I preside well, do you think, little orc? This power has been so long in the achieving, I think I have forgotten what it was I would do with it."

"Buck up, Ma'am!" Ashnak removed his forage cap, coming solidly to attention. "You just do what every other Ruler of the World's done and You'll be all right - reward a few, hang a few, and tax everything that moves." (pgs. 448-449)

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A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to stay out of a firefight. (pg. 322)

My impression is that this was not a serious literary effort by Mary Gentle. The plot is a tad disjointed - the orc-transformation is glossed over, and a human from our dimension gets sucked into the story for little discernible reason. A little bit of re-write might've tightenend things up considerably.

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But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy Grunts! It entertained me throughout, as the Ash series is likewise doing. It is not for the prudish or those who deem Tolkien to be sacrosanct. But if you loved those "off-beat" D&D quests, or just want to see the Orcs come out on the winning side for once, Grunts! is for you. 7½ Stars.