Brother Hermitage's Christmas Gift - Howard of Warwick

    2017; 128 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Historical Satire; Christmas; Novella; Medieval Fiction.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    December 25, 1066 CE is nigh!  It will be a day of celebration!

 

    Not only because it’s Christmas, or, as they called it back then: Christes Mass Day.  It’s also the day that Duke William of Normandy will be crowned the King of England.  That's William, the victor at the Battle of Hastings over King Harold of the Saxons.  That's the “late” King Harold.

 

    The Archbishop of Canterbury has instructed all abbeys in England to send emissaries bearing gifts to William.  It is prudent to get on the good side of the new ruler.

 

    For reasons best left untold, Abbot Athan, the head of the abbey at De’Ath’s Dingle, has chosen Brother Hermitage to attend the coronation.  Along with his wiseacre sidekick, Wat the Weaver.

 

    Have fun, Hermitage and Wat.  Paint smiles on your faces as you try to forget that you’re both Saxons, not Normans.

 

What’s To Like...

    Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift is a novella-length Christmas tale set in 11^th-century England, in the critical days when the Anglo-Saxon rulership ends and the Normans take over.  It has the same setting as Howard of Warwick’s Chronicles of Brother Hermitage series uses, although here the a trio of the recurring characters play a part.

 

    Unlike the regular books in the series, there is no murders or other crimes for Brother Hermitage to investigate.  Instead, the theme of the story is the nature of gift-giving.  Hermitage and Wat have polar-opposite views about that, and weeklong trek from De’Ath’s Dingle to London gives them ample time to debate it.  They also have to figure out what an appropriate gift the new king should be, and then find one, since they forgot to hit up Abbot Athan for one.

 

    I enjoyed tagging along on their 7-day journey.  Each night lodging and meals must be found, and they are introduced to some fascinating characters.  They also have to beware crossing paths with brigands and marauding Norman soldiers.  And, as is true of all books in this series, Howard of Warwick’s witty dialogue and dry humor is a royal treat.

 

    The story is written in English, not American, so you get weird spellings such as focussed, recognise, practise, and meagre.  But it wasn't distracting, and I always like reading in a foreign language.

 

    The ending is good, with a bit of excitement capping off an otherwise philosophical tale.  The gift-giving storyline has a moral to it, but it’s not what I was expecting.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 448 ratings and 46 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.09/5 based on 190 ratings and 13 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    When established constructions, particularly old Roman ones, fell into disrepair the local folk would gather the fallen stones for their own homes.  De’Ath’s Dingle didn’t fall into disrepair, it jumped.  Local folks knew far better than to use material cast off by that place.  As the saying in those parts went: "The stones of De’Ath’s Dingle; for when the worst isn’t quite bad enough.”  (loc. 148)

 

    “So you expect us to travel to London in seven days?”

    “Correct.”

    “In the middle of winter, across a land not yet conquered and probably swarming with armed groups taking advantage of the chaos?”

    “That’s it.”

    “Two Saxons into an army of Normans celebrating their victory?”

    “You do ask a lot of questions.”

    “We’ll be killed.”  (loc. 276)

 

Kindle Details…

    Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift sells for $1.49 at Amazon right now.  It is related to Howard of Warwick’s popular Chronicles of Brother Hermitage series, which is up to 32 (soon to be 33) e-books.   The prices for those tales range from $2.99 to $4.99.

 

“Amanuesis?”  “A man who what?”  (loc. 579)

    There is zero profanity in Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift which seems appropriate for a Christmas story.  This is the fourth book I’ve read featuring Brother Hermitage, and so far, all of they’ve all been light on the cusswords.  I like it when an author is skilled enough to not have to overuse expletives to tell the story.

 

    For a change, the typos were also scarce.  One missing period, and one clunky wording (“Because it what…”) were all I noted.  The opening word in each chapter (chapters are called “caputs” here; and is that kewl, or what!) has an extra space in it, but I’m sure this was a formatting issue beyond the author’s control, not a typo.

 

    I can’t think of anything else to grouse about.  Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift was a delight to read from beginning to end, and exactly what I look for in a Christes Mass story: short and sweet, and thoughtfully upbeat.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  If you’re new to this series, you should know that Wat the Weaver is renowned for his “sophisticated” tapestries.  Quite a few of the characters here are well acquainted with his masterpieces.  Unfortunately, his craftwork probably is not appropriate as a public gift to a newly crowned monarch.

Hermitage, Wat and Some Murder or Other - Howard of Warwick

   2014; 312 pages.  Book 4 (out of 30) in the “Chronicles of Brother Hermitage” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Intrigue; Murder-Mystery; Historical Crime Fiction; British Satire.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

   It was a strange request.  But it came from King William’s right-hand man, Le Pedvin, so it had to be legitimate.  And Brother Hermitage is officially “the King’s Investigator” so he’s duty-bound to obey.

 

    Hermitage and Wat are requested to travel from England over to Normandy, France.  There they’ve been ordered to do some murder investigating, then locate a noble named Lord Jean Bonneville, and arrest him for those crimes.

 

    Le Pedvin doesn’t seem too concerned about who the victim or victims might be.  Any corpse will do, just so long as Bonneville’s slapped in chains, then executed for the slayings.

 

    Oh well, it’s an all-expenses-paid trip to France, a place Hermitage has never visited.  And since he is the King’s Investigator, what could possibly go awry?

 

What’s To Like...

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Murder or Other is the third book I’ve read from this series, which is set in England shortly after William the Conqueror defeated the Saxons at the Battle of Hastings.  We follow a rather naïve monk (Brother Hermitage), a worldly-wise porn weaver (Wat), and an ahead-of-her-time woman (Cwen), all of Saxon heritage, as they stumble through murder investigations.

 

    This story takes place mainly in Cabourg, which is an actual small coastal town in Normandy, and which hosted a key battle by William the Conqueror on his way taking the Norman throne.  I like that this series, although lighthearted in tone, still strives admirably to conform to historical facts.

 

    The book is written in English, not American.  So fields are ploughed, buildings can be two-storey, messages are despatched, realisations can be focussed upon, and your vigour may be sombre.  I love learning foreign languages!  I also liked that, no matter which characters are involved, the dialogue was always full of wit.

 

    Our heroes are pleasantly surprised to discover that, upon arrival, they find that two murders had recently been committed in little Cabourg.  Both victims were tradesmen and the tools of their trade were left on their corpses.  A clue perhaps?  But if so, what is the message?  We’ll leave that to the King’s Investigator.

 

    The ending was quite good, with a twist or two that made it both surprising and logical.  All the murders are resolved and Hermitage and friends manage to comply with Le Pedvin’s edict that Bonneville be done away no matter how false the accusations are.  There’s a short teaser (one sentence) at the end of the story for the next book in the series.  Our heroes apparently are headed for Wales!

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 883 ratings and 100 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.37/5 based on 368 ratings and 17 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “But Le Pedvin said…”

    “And do you believe Le Pedvin?  The one who just trampled your herbs to death?” Wat asked.

    “Oh, well,” Hermitage began.  In all his investigations, well the few of them he had completed so far, people kept telling untruths.  It was both disturbing and disappointing.  If they only told the truth when they were asked, and as they should, things would be so much easier.  “You think he might have been lying?”

    “Do I think he might have been lying?  Do I think the sun will come up tomorrow?  Do I think Druids do it in the woods?  No, I’m absolutely sure he was lying.”  (loc. 489)

 

    “Are you saying the man was murdered by an ox?”

    “Certainly was.”

    Neither Blamour nor the old men on their bench seemed to think that this was in any way peculiar.

    “That’s ridiculous,” Hermitage eventually got his thoughts in some order, “oxen can’t commit murder.”

    “You tell that to the bloke who’s just been trampled to death,” Blamour retorted.

    “Being trampled to death is not the same as being murdered,” Hermitage explained.  Surely these simple country folk weren’t quite that simple.  “Being trampled to death is an accident.”

    “Not if the ox means it.”  (loc. 3224)

 

Kindle Details…

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Murder or Other currently sells for $3.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series range in price from $2.99 to $4.99, with the most recent books the higher-priced ones.

 

“What are you doing with your head on?”  (loc. 4778)

    The quibbles with Hermitage, Wat and Some Murder or Other are mostly a repeat of those for the previous book, which is reviewed here.  The punctuation errors are atrocious, especially comma abuse and missing periods.  Typos also abound, such as scatted/scattered; maybe/may be; Able/Abel; wrong doing/wrongdoing; and the frequently encountered discretely/discreetly and lead/led.

 

    OTOH, cusswords were a rarity, just two in the first quarter of the book, and mostly of the mild, eschatological variety.  Hats off to Howard of Warwick for being a sufficiently talented writer so that excessive profanity wasn’t resorted to.

 

    That’s about all I can grouse about.  The three books I’ve read thus far in this series have all been literary treats for me, and here’s hoping that somewhere down the line, the author makes use of a top-notch editor to peruse his manuscripts.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  If you find yourself in Cabourg, like Hermitage and his friends did, and you have occasion to mention the House of Margaret, try to do so without sniggering.

Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns - Howard of Warwick

   2016; 311 pages.  Book 6 (out of 26) in the “Chronicles of Brother Hermitage” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Historical Satire; Murder Mystery; Humorous Crime; British Humor.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Gilder is dead, and the entire city of Shrewsbury is in an uproar.  Somebody bashed the back of his head in, and that’s usually a fatal thing,

 

    Every Shrewsburian knew Gilder.  He was their richest citizen, lived in a big house, and had a number of steady incomes.  He also had a knack for talking any bands of roving marauders who arrived at the city gates to take their marauding elsewhere.

 

     Therefore when Brother Hermitage, Wat, and Cwen stop by on their way home from an adventure in nearby Wales, it isn’t surprising that all of Shrewsbury is busy sharing their memories of Gilder.  What is surprising is that every man, woman, and child is celebrating his death.  The city is awash in drunken revelry and nobody sees any reason for anyone to try to find out who killed Gilder.

 

    Which puts Brother Hermitage, who is officially “The King’s Investigator”, in a rather ticklish spot.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns is Book 6 of the 26-volume Chronicles of Brother Hermitage series, and my introduction to it.  Book 26 came out this past August, so I’m pretty sure this is not a completed series.  I’m obviously not reading the series in order, and I don’t think I’m missing much by not doing so.

 

    The story is set England in 1068 CE, or as the opening chapter indicates, 67 BC (“Before Cadfael”).  If you’re familiar with Ellis Peters’ fantastic Brother Cadfael series, but always wondered what it would be like if it were to stray into the Crime-Humor genre, you’re in for a treat.  One reviewer has described Brother Hermitage as a cross between Brother Cadfael and Inspector Clouseau, and I think that’s apt.

 

    His two traveling companions are also fun to meet and greet.  Wat is known throughout the land for his pornographic tapestries, and Cwen is called a “tapestrier”.  I gather Wat designs the dirty wall-hangings, and Cwen helps in the weaving of them.

 

    The book is written in English, not American, so the spelling of some words are weird to us Yanks, such as realise, demeanour, sombre, hiccoughed, and practise, but I like that.  The central plotline of course is to find out who bashed in Gilder’s head, which leads to lots of tangents that often send our trio of sleuths in different directions, but that's a clever way to do some character development.

 

    The crime-humor angle aside, I was impressed with how “real” the historical aspect of the tale felt.  Things like moots, weregilds, shire reeves, feme sole, the word ‘stuff’, and medieval privies really helped sell the 11^th-century England setting.  Edith Pargeter would be proud.

 

    The ending is good, with several nice twists that foul up Brother Hermitage’s best-laid plans.  All the plot threads get tied up.  I wouldn’t call Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns a whodunit in that, like in a Pink Panther movie, the reader won't solve the case until the sleuthing trio unearth some key clues.  OTOH, one crucial hint is given about halfway through the story which will point astute readers in the right direction and is withheld from Hermitage and company.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 193 ratings and 69 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.39/5 based on 198 ratings and 8 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Witter (v.) : to chatter or babble pointlessly or at unnecessary length.

Others: Femme sole (sic, n.); Weregild (n.).

 

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren’t…

    Hermitage had to admit the sight of her head appearing through a privy seat was not one he was going to forget easily.  (loc. 4083)

 

Excerpts...

    “Nuns?” the boy asked.

    “Yes.”  Cwen tried her best not to sound impatient.  What little experience she’d had of children had not made their behaviour any more acceptable.

    They seemed charming at a distance, but when you got close they were revolting, especially the tiny ones.  When they were babies their bottoms didn’t work properly and when they grew up it was their noses.  It was like they were put on earth just to leak stuff.  “They’re like monks who are women,” she explained.  (loc. 2006)

 

    “If we could find the place it is hidden and see that some of it is gone, if not all of it, we can tell the moot that it was a robbery.  Wat didn’t do it because a robber did.”

    Cwen didn’t look convinced.  “We have to find a hiding place that doesn’t have anything (in) it.  That will prove that what isn’t there anymore was robbed?”

    “Erm.”  (loc. 3822)

 

Kindle Details…

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns presently sells for $0.99 at Amazon, but hurry, this deal will expire at the end of September.  Book 4, Hermitage, Wat and Some Murder or Other, is also discounted for the nonce to $0.99.  The rest of the books in the series go for anywhere from $2.99, to $5.99.  Generally and logically, the more recent the books are, the higher their price.

 

He had been told once that he was a very agreeable fellow – and that if he didn’t sort that out he would get nowhere.  (loc. 3680)

    There’s not much to gripe about in Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns.  The language is impressively clean – just two “hells” in the first 50% of the book.  It validates my hypothesis that the quality of any given author’s writing is usually inversely proportional to the number of cusswords he employs.

 

    Some reviewers disliked the way Howard of Warwick uses footnotes to tout the earlier books in this series, but I thought it was quite clever.  By the second footnote, the pattern can be discerned, and if it bothers you, then just don’t open any further footnotes.  You’ll miss one or two witty remarks in later footnotes, but that’s NBD.

 

    The biggest problem with Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns is the frequency of typos, grammar errors, and poor punctuation.  Things like imaging/imagining, birth right/birthright, discrete/discreet, mean/means, store house/storehouse, and many more.  But that's nothing that another round of editing won't fix.

 

    But enough of the nitpicking.  It’s always a delight to stumble across a great series that you’ve been meaning to try for a long time, and that’s what Hermitage, Wat and Some Nuns was for me.  Daring to blend Brother Cadfael historical fiction with Pink Panther mystery zaniness is an ambitious undertaking, and Howard of Warwick makes it work nicely.

 

    9 Stars.  "Howard of Warwick" is obviously a pen name, and if you stay awake at night, wondering what his real name is, I have some good news for you.  Mosey on over to the Copyright page and your query will be answered.  Nonetheless, we will continue to list the author as “Howard of Warwick”.  It’s. Just. That. Kewl.