2012; 297 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Action-Adventure; Spoof. Overall Rating : 2½*/10.
John
Doe only pretended to be a zombie to fool his murderous wife. He succeeded, but now he’s known as “John The
Undefeated”, and reputed to be a superhero, whose secret power is …well… being a
zombie.
Since being (un)-dead has some great tax loopholes, John is content to
neither promote nor squelch his superhero status. But there are others who have taken a keen
interest in him.
Some, such as Professor von Smith, would like to recruit Doe into a
secret brotherhood called the Hilluminati, sworn enemies of a different Order -
the “Secret Rulers of the World”.
Others, presumably agents of SRotW, simply want to kill John The
Undefeated.
What’s To Like...
If
you like action – to the exclusion of everything else – The Zombie’s Life Is In Danger is for you. Every page has thrills, fisticuffs, or
skullduggery; maybe even every paragraph.
But the book is also a spoof, so there is an adequate amount of humor
blended in. And in among all the
silliness, Shantnu Tiwari also offers some keen insight on a number of serious
topics – Labor/Management relations, organized Religion, music piracy,
Copyright and Patent Law, and Religious Extremism, to name a few.
There are multiple, widely-scattered storylines. Briefly, the four major ones are :
Jack & Shakespeare – killing several Mideast countries’ worth of bad
guys.
Vishnu/Cowman – superhero, vampire slayer.
Smith/John Doe/Mary Sue – saving the world from the “Rulers”.
Sir Fluffy – saving John Doe.
To
his credit, the author manages to bring all those threads together by the end
of the book. This is a standalone novel. Tiwari has penned several more zombie books,
but I don’t think they constitute a series.
There’s a lot of R-rated language here, and of course tons of violence. But none of
that gets in the way of the spoofery.
Excerpts...
“I had a nightmare. I was in a call centre run by zombies.”
“That was no
nightmare. Welcome to Big Joe’s International call centre and clearing
house. Our motto is, ‘We’ll harass your
customers for you, so you don’t have to!’
I’m Joe, by the way.” The man
snapped his suspenders, and smiled.
“But it is run by
zombies!” said Vishnu.
“Aren’t most
corporate employees zombies?” said Joe.
“But zombies have
no brains!”
“So?” (loc. 1824)
He saw a village
up ahead. She took him by the hand and
led him to a small path that skirted well past.
The village
seemed like any other Eurolandia village, except it had a man in the middle,
tied to a pole, with lots of wood around him.
“They will burn him as a heretic,” said Mary
Sue. “Which is why we will circle
around.”
Vishnu took back
his hand. “We cannot just leave while an
innocent man is about to be burned.”
“How do you know
he is innocent?” (loc.
2558)
Kindle Details...
I picked The
Zombie’s Life Is In Danger up as a free download sometime in the distant
past. It is no longer available as an
e-book there, although you can still purchase it as a paperback for $9.99. You can pick up a number of other e-books by
Shantnu Tiwari. They range from short
stories to full-length novels, and from $0.99 to $4.99.
“Foolish woman! Using
poisons to kill a teacher of chemistry.” (loc. 49)
Sadly,
The Zombie’s Life Is In Danger has serious problems. The characters are paper-thin, the writing is
prosaic, and the storytelling is terrible.
We quickly learn that Jack and Shakespeare, and Cowman, can escape any
situation and kill an unlimited number of enemies, so no tension ever builds.
The wit is usually more silly than funny, and the portrayal of Muslims
is just hateful.
The writing is stream-of-consciousness: each chapter is whatever pops
into the author’s mind. There may be
lots of rock-‘em, sock-‘em action, but it lacks any overall direction, and
therefore serves no purpose other than to fill up pages before herding all the characters in one place for a mediocre ending.
It reminds me of an adventure series (“El Kirbo”) I penned way back in junior high
and high school, and trust me, that was atrocious stuff.
The
good news is that Shantnu Tiwari’s next book, Who
Framed Santa Claus? (reviewed here), is a significant improvement, and will
give you a better idea of what the author is capable of.
2½ Stars. The minuses far outweigh the plusses
here. Read the Santa Claus book instead.
