2013;
340 pages. Full Title: Helen & Troy’s Epic Road Quest. New Author? : No.
Genre : Fantasy; Humor, Quests. Overall Rating : 9*/10.
Pity Helen and Troy, they've have been cursed by the
gods. Well, just one god, actually, and
it’s a fallen god who’s been kicked out of whatever the place is up in the sky
that all the immortals hang out. He’ doesn't even have a name anymore; now he’s merely referred to as the “Lost God”.
Still,
an exiled god is not to be trifled with, and he’ll only rescind the curse if
Helen and Troy go on a quest on his behalf.
It’s a pathetically run-of-the-mill task: “Gather the relics and bring them to the of
place of power at the appointed time.” It should be easy.
Alas, the Lost God is a bit hazy about the details.
“What kind of relics?”
“I’m not sure.”
“How many?”
“Somewhere
between two and six, I think. Possibly
seven. No more than eight, I feel
comfortable in saying.”
“Where is the place of power?”
“I don’t know.”
“What’s the appointed time?”
“Soonish.”
Best of luck on your quest, Helen and Troy.
Methinks you’re going to need it.
What’s To Like...
Epic Road Quest
is my second A. Lee Martinez book (the other one is reviewed here), and I
found it just as humorous and entertaining as the first one. The plotline is straightforward: we follow our two protagonists
as they go about their quest, aided (within the rules of course) by the National
Questing Bureau and proprietors of tourist traps specializing in such matters. Questing apparently is
a popular pastime.
I
liked the dashing group of questers. Troy is
handsome and perfect in every way, Helen is, well, to be blunt, a seven-foot
tall minotaur, and Achilles is a three-legged dog, who we all know is really a deity in disguise. You can’t go wrong with that kind of team. Along the way, they encounter a nice variety of fantasy creatures, my favorites being the dragons (who are on the endangered list, so don’t
even think about slaying one), and the orcs, who constitute the bad
guys chasing our heroes on their Harley-Dragonson Twin Cam bikes. They reminded me
of the biker dudes in those old Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello beach movies ("Release the
pigeons!"). I also liked the three fates (these are the small “F” ones) and I do hope A. Lee Martinez uses them again in some of his
other books.
I found Epic Road Quest to be a fast, easy,
entertaining read. The action starts
right away (at
a burger joint, no less), and thrills and spills and intrigue abound, albeit replete with humor, which is the main reason to read this book. Yet in
amongst the craziness, A. Lee Martinez manages to offer some subtle insight about
bigotry, speciesism, and, in a slightly lighter vein, orcish stereotyping. The latter reminded me of Mary Gentle’s
masterpiece, Grunts (reviewed here). The secondary characters are varied and fun to meet. I especially liked Nigel, Franklin, and of course Achilles.
I enjoyed the plethora of details A. Lee Martinez adds to enhance the
story. One of my favorite poets, e.e.
cummings, gets mentioned (although the author capitalizes his initials! Zut alors!). The Gilgamesh Pez dispenser was cute, and I
definitely want Santa to bring me the snow globe with the Library of Alexandria in it. I was intrigued by the gargoyle’s riddle (given in the
excerpts below), and laughed at the stoned orcs scene. And I admit it: MacGuffins are one of my favorite literary devices.
The
ending manages to be both exciting and warmly humorous, and comes with a
couple of twists to keep you make you think.
Everybody gets their just desserts, and three states in the western US
avoid obliteration. The 340 pages
are covered by 35 chapters, so you don't have to wait long for a good place to stop reading. Epic Road
Quest is a standalone novel. One last thing: the “Acknowledgements” section in any book is
usually boringly skippable, but here I found it worth reading.
Kewlest New Word ...
Revenant (n.)
: a person who has returned, especially supposedly from the dead.
Excerpts...
“Men seek me out,
yet fear what I have to say. I am
unavoidable yet always surprising. All
travelers meet me, regardless of which road they travel, and even if they
choose not to travel at all. I am a
burden to many, a joy to a very few, and something only a fool thinks he can
know. What am I?” (pg. 54, answer given in the comments to this review)
“Ever since the
first cursed orc stepped onto a world that hated him-“
“Or her,” said
Peggy.
“A world that
hated him or her,” he said, “we have been deemed nothing but an inconvenience,
minions and savages. Even when times
changed, even when the world became civilized, we were still monsters. When the hordes of the steppes crushed the
armies of warlord Napoleon, no one thanked us.
When my ancestors devastated Alexander of Macedonia’s forces, did the
Arabians even give us an ounce of credit?
When my grandfather won the day on the beaches of Normandy, they didn’t
even give him a medal. Just told him to
shove off and not make trouble.
“We’ve always
been the whipping boys of destiny’”
“And girls,”
added Peggy. (pg. 309)
“Alakazam! Presto!
For the honor of Grayskull! It’s
clobberin’ time!” (pg.
65)
I
don’t really have anything to quibble about in Epic
Road Quest. I was looking for a “light” read to balance out the 800-page piece of epic fantasy I was reading (see previous review), and this filled the bill nicely.
There is some cussing in the book, mostly in the dialogues, so if that offends you, you should probably skip this one. But personally, I felt it fit in nicely with the book’s tone.
Some Amazon reviewers felt that this wasn’t one of A Lee Martinez’s best offerings. I can’t say, since this was only my second book of his, and I thought it was great. I’ve got a couple more of the author’s books on my Kindle, so I should be better acquainted with his output in the near future.
9 Stars. If you're looking for a lighthearted adventure, well-written, with lots of fun plus a few moments of tenderness thrown in, I highly recommend this book.
