The Bear Went Over The Mountain - William Kotzwinkle

   1996; 306 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : American Humorous Fiction; Americana; Satire.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

     Arthur Bramhall, a literature professor at the University of Maine, has taken a sabbatical.  It won’t be a vacation; he plans to write a best-selling novel set in the picturesque Maine countryside.

 

    Writing it turned out to be an uphill battle.  The first version, titled Destiny and Desire, was completely reduced to ashes when Bramhall’s rural farmhouse burned down.

 

    Undeterred, and now living in a little cabin, Bramhall sets forth to write an even better story.  And, at least according to himself, he's succeeded.  The next step is to find a publisher, but in the meantime, he needs to make sure it can’t be lost in a fire.

 

    So Arthur packs the precious manuscript in a briefcase, and takes it out into the meadow across from his cabin, then hides the briefcase under the boughs of a spruce tree.  Safe from any fire, Arthur is sure.

 

    Too bad a bear was watching Arthur stash the briefcase.  After Arthur departs, the bear’s curiosity takes over, which naturally involves the subject of food, since bears are always hungry.

 

    Maybe there’s a pie in that there briefcase!

 

What’s To Like...

    From the very beginning of the tale, the bear in The Bear Went Over the Mountain is an amazing creature.  He can read, he can open briefcases, he can even talk with humans.  More advanced things, such as selling things for profit, or having ulterior motives are beyond him, at least at the beginning of the story.  But the bear is a quick learner, especially if it’s something that can fill his belly with all those sweet foods that humans enjoy.

 

    The main storyline of the tale becomes apparent early on, and revealing it is not a spoiler.  As the bear ventures further into the human world, he begins to become human.  Meanwhile, Arthur Bramhall, trying to locate the bear/thief in the wilds, gains a greater understanding of forest creatures, and begins turning into a bear.

 

    For me, the biggest joy of reading this book was watching our two protagonists adapt to their new environments.  The bear can talk, but only barely, or should I say “bearly”.  Most of the time he utters "food" words, because that's what he mostly thinks about, but his utterances are usually misinterpreted as being keen insight into the humans he’s interacting with.  But the bear is undeterred; his dream is to become recognized as a human.

 

    I enjoyed the many cultural references in the book.  Rachmaninoff’s “Vespers” gets mentioned in passing, so does Proust’s “In Remembrance of Things Past”.  I chuckled at the mention of the “Dalton bookstore”; that franchise used to be in just about every shopping mall around; now I don’t think they even exist anymore.

 

    The ending is good, albeit straightforward and without any startling twists.  Both the bear, who along the way acquires the name “Hal Jam”, and Arthur end up happy and content.  Things close with a brief epilogue, which leaves the door open for a sequel, but I don’t believe William Kotzwinkle has penned one in the three decades since The Bear Went Over the Mountain was published.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 246 ratings and 121 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.72/5 based on 2,293 ratings and 348 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Wheelock said, “We’ve all been concerned for you, Arthur.”

    Bramhall’s nose twitched.  The smell that was coming from Wheelock was ambition, a sweet greasy smell, as if Wheelock were roasting a pig in his shirt.

    “The department was wondering if you’ve had trouble with your mail,” said Settlemire.

    “I don’t open mail anymore.”

    “Ah.”  Wheelock was noting Bramhall’s filthy pants.  And he seems to be sprouting hair on his forehead.  Glandular disturbance?  (loc. 1128)

 

    “Something in that window upset you.  What was it?”

    A taxi pulled toward them, and the bear jumped in.  Zou Zou climbed in after him.  He was looking out the back window apprehensively.

    My god, wondered Zou Zou, is he going to crack the way Hemingway did?  Or is he on some weird drug??  And if he is why doesn’t he give some to me?

    Gall bladder of bear, thought the bear.  This is the real human world.  They act civilized they wear frilly panties, but when they feel like it, they’ll put you in a bottle.  (loc. 1404)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Bear Went Over the Mountain costs $12.99 at Amazon right now, which makes it the highest-priced e-book by this author.  William Kotzwinkle has nine other books available for your Kindle, including a children’s book titled Walter the Farting Dog.  Those e-books cost anywhere from 2.99 to $9.99.  I don’t think all of his novels have been converted to e-book format yet.

 

“What I always say is if you ain’t got a noseful of porcupine quills, you’re doing okay.”  (loc. 283)

    There are a few nits to pick.  William Kotzwinkle has written a number of children’s books (see the previous section for his most famous series), and since this book’s title references an old children’s ditty by the same name, you might assume it’s also a children’s book.

 

    It is not.  I didn’t notice any cusswords in the first 10% of the book, but 14 showed up in the next 10% of the book, including a couple of f-bombs.  A number of adult situations also occur, and you really don’t want little Timmy or Susie asking about those.

 

    There are no chapter divisions in the book.  Terry Pratchett would be proud, but most of us readers like to have easily identifiable places to stop.  The Kindle version also had no page numbers, although in fairness, the “location numbers” are there which can be a substitute for page numbers.  The editing was good; I only spotted one typo: break-through/breakthrough.

 

    Overall, I enjoyed The Bear Went Over the Mountain.  It’s a fast, easy read, and there’s plenty of satire, which are a nice balance for the author's insights into a world where humans and feral animals search to find a way to coexist.

 

    I have one other e-book by William Kotzwinkle on my Kindle, his 1974 breakthrough bestseller, The Fan Man.  Since the selection of his books for the Kindle is limited, I might have to go looking for some of his yet-to-be-digitalized books at my local used-book store.

 

    8½ Stars.  Go back and re-read the second excerpt, which mentions “Gall Bladder of Bear”.  I thought this was some silliness invented by the author for comic effect, but it's real.  Go to Wikipedia and look up “Bile Bear”, and be ready to be outraged.

You Only Live Once - Haris Orkin

   2018; 256 pages.  Book 1 (out of 5) in the “A James Flynn Escapade” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Humorous Crime Fiction; Thriller; Spy Spoof.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

     My name’s Flynn.  James Flynn.  I like my vodka martinis shaken, not stirred.  I’m an agent of HMSS, which stands for “Her Majesty’s Secret Service”.  I’m one of the “Double Zero” agents, which means I have a license to kill.

 

    I answer to the Queen & Country only, so please don’t interfere in anything you see me doing..

 

    His name’s Flynn.  James Flynn.  He’s forbidden to have any alcohol.  He’s a resident here at City of Roses Psychiatric.  It’s an asylum, part of the HMSS, which stands for “Health Management System Services”.  He has severe delusional issues.  I should know.  My name’s Sancho, and I’m an orderly here.

 

    Flynn’s our most troublesome patient by far.  He routinely leaves the asylum without permission.  If you see him, please contact HMSS immediately.

 

What’s To Like...

    You Only Live Once was my introduction to a entertaining four-book (soon to be five) spy spoof series by Haris Orkin.  As given above, our hero is Flynn, James Flynn, an inmate at a mental hospital here in the US who’s convinced he’s a British super spy.  Most of the story takes place in the greater Los Angeles area, with jaunts/flashbacks to Nevada (Laughlin), Arizona (Mesa), and south of the border (Baja, California).

 

    Haris Orkin did a really good job of creating a unique protagonist.  Flynn may be nutso, but he's handsome, charismatic, and knows some slick and evasive fighting moves which allow him to escape the clutches of orderlies and shrinks.  But he’s not a superhero; thugs, such as bikers and bodyguards, usually beat the crap out of him.

 

    Several of the chapters start with a short excerpt detailing the history and/or geography of whatever and/or wherever Flynn is about to wreak havoc.  I especially liked the brief biography of Tiburcio Vasquez, a California bandit I’d never heard of.  Wiki him.

 

    I loved the abundant use of what I call “conversational Spanish”.  I had several Hispanic roommates back in my single days, and they taught me all sorts of phrases with which to order a beer, or get into a fight at any local Latino bar.  Some of the phrases are everyday slang, such as ese and vato.  A lot more of them are pejorative, the sort of words that college language professors are forbidden to teach you.

 

    As you’d expect in any thriller, everything builds to a tense showdown between the bad guys and Flynn, with his faithful pal Sancho helping him out.  After the dust settles, we reach an epilogue where Flynn has to choose where he’ll spend his foreseeable future.  Despite all the spoofery, this left a lump in my throat.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 792 ratings and 154 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.18/5 based on 582 ratings and 104 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

    Tsantsa (n.) : a shrunken head (Ecuadoran).

 

Excerpts...

    James moved into a fighting stance, slicing his hands through the air like Bruce Lee.  “Mr. Flynn, please,” said Grossfarber.  “We’re all here to help you.”

    “Help me what?”

    “Get well.”

    O’Malley and Barker stepped closer.  Flynn gracefully backed away.  “Gentlemen, I must warn you, I know thirty-seven different ways to kill a man with my bare hands, five of which only require the use of my right middle finger.”  Flynn flipped the orderlies the bird with both hands.  (loc. 403)

 

    A magnum of champagne exploded against Mendoza’s skull.  The big man slumped forward, his hair covered with glass and champagne bubbles.  Flynn used whatever strength he had left to push the big man to one side.  He saw Sancho standing over him, his nose bloody, and the broken neck of the champagne bottle still in his hand.  Flynn glanced at the label decorating Mendoza’s head.  “A 1990 Dom Perignon?  Are you out of your mind?”  (loc. 3372)

 

Kindle Details…

    You Only Live Once costs $4.99 at Amazon right now.  The other books in the series range in price from 2.99, to $5.99.  Haris Orkin also has two instructional e-books on the subject of Video Game Writing, something he does when he’s not penning James Flynn novels.  Those will run you $40.18 and $56.96.  Wowza.

 

When it came to boats, Flynn didn’t know his ass from a poop deck.  (loc. 2447)

    There are a couple of nits to pick.

 

    I counted 29 instances of cussing in the first 10% of the book, which seemed a lot.  Later on, there were multiple terms, in both Spanish and English, used to describe genitalia of both genders, and what to do with them.  This didn’t offend me, but I was a bit surprised since the series is a parody of Ian Fleming’s James Bond series, which IIRC, is quite clean with regard to R-rated stuff.

 

    There were also a lot of typos.  Things like Mongol’s/Mongols, clue/cue, homes/Holmes, poured/pored, and hair brush/hairbrush.  Another round of editing might have taken care of this.

 

    But these are quibbles.  I found You Only Live Once to be entertaining from beginning to end, with just the right balance between thrills-&-spills, intrigue, humor, and human drama.  Writing a spoof a well-known series is always a risky affair, but kudos to Haris Orkin for chancing it, because here it worked marvelously.

 

    8½ Stars.  If conversational Spanish is not your cup of tequila, be of good cheer.  You will also learn how to say the f-bomb in three other foreign languages while reading this book!

Starfall - Jamie Sedgwick

   2018; 279 pages.  Book 5 (out of 5) in the “Aboard the Great Iron Horse” series; Book 8 (out of 8) in the “Age of Steam” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Steampunk Fantasy; Teen & Young Adult Steampunk.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Steampunk Armageddon is approaching!  The forces of Evil, aka the “Clockwork Legion”, have amassed an army of incredible size and are advancing steadily on the few remaining human-controlled cities.

 

    For the moment, their defenses hold strong, although even that is disheartening.  The Clockwork Legion is being reinforced daily by hordes of ghouls and other undead creatures, and all the humans can do is watch from high atop the ramparts of their cities' walls and wonder if any friendly armies are on their way to help break the siege.

 

    Meanwhile, Socrates and his band of heroes – Micah, Thane, Morgane, River, Kale, Tinker, and Breeze – are scattered throughout the lands, and word has it that Socrates’ steam-powered locomotive, The Iron Horse, is wrecked beyond repair.

 

    It’s just a matter of time before the Clockwork Legion has the overwhelming numbers to successfully scale the walls and slaughter all the humans.

 

    And turn them into – guess what – more ghouls!

 

What’s To Like...

    Starfall is the final installment in Jamie Sedgwick’s Age of Steam series, which is a combination of his Aboard The Iron Horse and Tinkerer’s Daughter series.  Its primary aim appears to be to bring the storylines of the various main characters (is that an oxymoron?) to conclusion, and in that regard, it succeeds admirably.

 

    There are scene-shifts aplenty, since our band of heroes are spread out far and wide.  I didn’t find this confusing, although I think it definitely helps if you read these stories in proper order.  I was impressed with the way the fate of my favorite protagonist, a mechanical ape named Socrates, was resolved.

 

    There’s lots of fighting throughout the tale, both on land and in the air.  Our heroes are on the move, and so are the myriad hordes of bad guys; so it is not surprising that Starfall contains plenty of fighting .  But there is also room for several budding romances, the biggest one of which involves the warrior Kale’s impending marriage to Queen Aileen.

 

    Those who like dragons in their fantasy stories will not be disappointed.  I also liked Socrates’ encounters with the inhabitants of Ironhold.  I intend to stay away from the addictive drug kavi-oil, but I’d love to take a ride on one of the steamscout cars.

 

    Everything builds to a climactic mega-battle between Good and Evil.  The battle sways to and fro several times as various plot twists impact its outcome.  Things close with a heartwarming Epilogue which details the futures of several main characters as well as the fate of the “starfallen” world at large.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 135 ratings and 20 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.51/5 based on 59 ratings and 3 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

    Balusters (n., pl.) : short pillars or columns, typically decorative in design, in a series supporting a rail or coping.  (Google-Image it.)

 

Excerpts...

    The dragon came lurching towards him.

    Micah brandished the knife in front of him, ready to strike.  The dragon, somehow sensing his distress, lowered its head.  Micah stared at it, uncertain what to do.  Cautiously, the creature stretched its neck out and sniffed his hand.

    “Micah,” Morgane said in a whisper.  “I think it likes you.”

    As if in response, the dragon nudged him, touching the top of its snout to his hand.  Micah shook his head in disbelief.  At Morgane’s urging, he reached out to stroke the dragon’s chin.  The beast closed its eyes and a loud, rhythmic purring sound rumbled out of its chest.  (loc. 1675)

 

    Suddenly, the ghoul’s eyes went wide.  The creature shot a horrified look down at its feet, and then released its grip on the knife.  It turned and ran.  Confused, Tinker glanced down and saw Breeze’s open hand.

    “What happened?  Did you do something?”

    “I’m not sure.  Ghouls don’t work quite the way humans do.”

    Tinker’s eyebrows shot up.  You used your healing skills on him?”

    “Not healing,” she grinned.  “Un-healing.”

    “Oh . . . I didn’t know you could do that.”

    “It was worth a try.”  (loc. 2723)

 

Kindle Details…

    Starfall is priced at $3.99 at Amazon right now.  The other seven books in the “Age of Steam” series range in price from free (Book 1), to $0.99, (Books 2-6), to $2.99 (Book 7).  J.G. Sedgwick, aka Jamie Sedgwick, aka Jeramy Gates, has two other fantasy series for your Kindle, the “Shadow Born” trilogy and the “Hank Mossberg, Private Ogre” series.  The e-books in those are all in the free-to-$3.99 price range.

 

“What would I learn from watching people who are perfect?”  (loc. 230)

    I didn’t notice any profanity in Starfall, which makes sense since it’s marketed as being a “Teen & Young Adult” story.  When the occasion calls for cussing, the author uses the phrase “what the devils”, which I thought was quite clever.

 

    The page-numbering system was wonky on both of my Kindles; whatever page a chapter started on remained that number until the next chapter started.  I suspect this was a conversion glitch, and since the “percent read” worked fine, so this is merely nit to pick.

 

    The biggest issue is the usual one: an abundance of typos.  The main infraction involved the use of em-dashes.  It looks like the author used hyphens for this function, and the conversion program seemingly went haywire.  Besides this there were a few of the standard miscues, such as compliment/complement, leeching/leaching, impassible/impassable, and one instance of a misnamed Shayla/Morgane.

 

    These gaffes didn’t prevent me from enjoying the story.  I suspect it’s no easy task to write the final book in a series, gather all the major characters, tie up all the plotlines, allow Good to vanquish Evil, at least for the short term, and still be interesting and fast-paced enough to keep the reader turning the pages.  Starfall did that for me.

 

    8 Stars.  I assume this is a completed series.  But the Socrates plotline does leave the door open for further adventures.  Even though a “Book 9” has not arose betwixt the publication of Starfall (2018) and the present (2024), I personally hope Jamie Sedgwick is working on one.

The Buntline Special - Mike Resnick

   2010; 295 pages.  Book 1 (out of 4) in the “Weird West Tale” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Steampunki; Alternate History; Western.  Overall Rating: 7*/10.

 

    It’s the 1880s Old West in a parallel universe, one where the western boundary of the United States is the Mississippi River.  The lands to the west of there are controlled by the Apache medicine man, "Geronimo", aka “Goyathlay”, and his Cheyenne counterpart, "Hook Nose", aka “Que Sul-La”.  Together, they weave powerful magic that keeps the White man from invading their lands.

 

    The exclusion of the Americans from Indian territories is not absolute.  A few towns and cities are allowed; they promote trade and cooperation between the two empires.  One of these is Tombstone, Arizona.

 

    As is true in our dimension, this alternate Tombstone seems to attract both the best and the worst breeds of gunslingers.  Wyatt Earp is the marshal there; his brothers are his deputies and Bat Masterson is one of his allies.  On the “black hat” side is the infamous Clanton clan and the McLaury brothers.  Into this tense stand-off rides the gunman who can gives the Earps the upper hand.

 

    Doc Holliday.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Buntline Special is the reimagining of the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral in a steampunk world.  In addition to the historically accurate participants, Mike Resnick includes others who were bystanders, such as Kate Elder, plus some interesting persons that weren’t there, such as Thomas Edison and Ned Buntline.  But there is no doubt that the main protagonist of the tale is Don Holliday.

 

    The presence of Edison allows for some marvelous inventions to come into play.  Things such as electric stagecoaches, lie detector machines, fluoroscopes, a super-hardened brass alloy, and, possibly the most intriguing one of all: robotic hookers.  Magic also figures into the storyline (useful hint: do NOT piss off a Native American medicine man!), and a couple of paranormal creatures are added to make things interesting.

 

    For the most part, the story is set in Arizona, in the greater Tombstone area.  The book includes five drawings strewn throughout the text; I thought they were a marvelous addition.  Since I’ve lived in Arizona for quite a while, it was neat to see one of our lesser-known tribes, the Hualopai, play a part in the story.

 

    There are some nifty “bonus sections” at the end of the book, including a Bibliography, a historical news article about the O.K. Corral gunfight, a Cast of Characters, and an “About the Author”.  The text abounds in witty dialogue, ingenious contraptions invented by Edison and manufactured by Buntline, and the goings-on at the bawdy house.

    The O.K. Corral gunfight is the highlight of the book.  But it’s not the “final ending”; there’s another 50 pagers after that happens, mostly resolving the paranormal challenges of the plotline.  All the plot threads get tied up, and if this adventure tickles your fancy, there are three more books in the series . 

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.2*/5, based on 88 ratings and 48 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.49*/5, based on 1,334 ratings and 210 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Geronimo wants to know who he is facing.” said Obidiah.

    “Bat Masterson and John Henry Holliday,” replied Holliday.

    “Doc Holliday?”

    “The very same.”

    Obidiah turned to Geronimo and spoke to him in the latter’s native tongue.  Geronimo stared at Holliday and then said something to Obadiah.

    “He wants to know if you really killed seven men in a card game in Mexico.”

    “Probably not,” answered Holliday.  (pg. 55)

 

    “I don’t like you much, Holliday,” said Frank.

    “Well, you have that in common with a lot of other men,” said Holliday easily.

    “Oh? Sounds like they’d be interesting men to know.”  He looked around the saloon.  “Where are they?”

    “Buried in graveyards from here to Texas,” said Holliday.  “And a few in Colorado, just for good measure.”

    “You don’t make friends real easy, do you?” said Tom.

    “Let’s just say I’m choosy.”  (pg. 224)

 

“The government didn’t ask for me because of my winning smile.”  (pg. 34)

    There’s a small amount of profanity in The Buntline Special.  I noted ten instances in the first 10%, all of which were the mild epithets involving hell and damn.  Later on, there are a couple of f-bombs, an excretory product, and an SOB.

 

    My bigger criticism of The Buntline Special is with the pacing.  Far too many pages are devoted to discussing Doc Holliday’s terminal illness: tuberculosis, or as it was called in those days “consumption”.  Ditto for the repartee between the White Hats and Black Hats.  One of the baddies, Johnny Ringo, has it in for Doc, and a lot of ink is expended on those two taunting each other.  Bat Masterson’s sudden handicap, which we’ll not detail here, also is drawn out far too long.  On the other hand, the part I found really interesting, the roles played by the Native Americans, is given short shrift.

 

    Despite all this, The Buntline Special kept my interest, as did Book Two of this series, The Doctor and The Kid, which I read seven years ago, and is reviewed here.  I attribute that Mike Resnick’s writing and storytelling skills.  Book Four, The Doctor and the Dinosaurs, is on my TBR shelf.  I can’t wait to see how Resnick works T-Rex into this storyline.

 

    7 Stars.  Add ½ Star if you read this series in its proper order.  I have a feeling I should’ve done that.

Crickett - Mike Faricy

   2013; 307 pages.  Book 8 (out of 31) in the “Dev Haskell – Private Investigator” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Airport/Beach Read; Hard-Boiled Mystery; Private Investigator Mystery.  Overall Rating: 7½*/10.

 

    What are the odds of your old flame, Karen Riley, walking through the door at the bar where you just happen to be enjoying a cold one, or two?

 

    Well, if you’re Dev Haskell, and the bar is The Spot, the odds aren’t all that long, since it’s a place you’ve been known to hang out1 at for quite some time.

 

    Karen’s changed her name; she now goes by Crickett.  That’s not all that’s new – she’s pushing a stroller with a 10-month-old baby in it.  Oliver.  Jeez, Dev, you don’t suppose the kid is yours, do you?

 

    She says it isn’t.  She’s not here to push a paternity suit on you, Dev.  She’s here to ask you, as a Private Investigator, to help get her current boyfriend, Oliver’s pop, out of jail.  Something about trumped-up drug charges.  Transporting cocaine.  You might as well investigate it, Dev.  What’s the worst that can happen?

 

    You're about to find out, Dev.

 

What’s To Like...

    Crickett is the eighth book in Mike Faricy’s Dev Haskell – Private Investigator series, which, thus far, I’ve been reading in chronological order.  This particular episode was part of a seven-volume e-book bundle which, ANAICT, is no longer available.  There are 46 chapters covering 248 pages, which means you’ll always be able to find a good place to stop for the night.

 

    The storyline is formulaic.  A knockout beauty comes to see Dev, and asks him to investigate something or someone.  Dev agrees, things get complicated, people have trouble remembering Dev’s name properly, Dev finds himself in a hopeless situation, and just when all seems lost, a plot twist appears out of nowhere, and all ends well.  That may sound trite, but it makes for a great airport/beach read.

 

    The story takes place mostly in and around St. Paul, Minnesota, with an occasional excursion to a nearby town called Vaxholm.  The complications in Dev’s sleuthing may be formulaic, but it’s still fun to try to get to the bottom of things alongside Dev.  There’s a reference to a Walter White that I didn’t get, but suspect it has to do with the TV show Breaking Bad, which I’ve never watched.  There’s also a “tumble bubble” scene, which looks like something I’d enjoy.

 

    The ending is good.  Yes, it’s a bit contrived, but that just allows Mike Faricy to work some mind-boggling plot twists into the tale.  Dev figured things out a bit before I did, and good triumphs, Dev survives, and Oliver ends up in good hands.  The Dev/Crickett plotline is not fully resolved, but based on the title of Book 9, Bulldog, I think it might carry over to there.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 294 ratings and 83 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.00/5 based on 280 ratings and 30 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “My advice, for what it’s worth, just stay away from her, and Tubby, and anyone else involved.  Don’t take this on.  Don’t do anything for a fee, pro bono, or the benefits,” he said, arching an eyebrow.

    “How dumb do I look?”

    “You mean with the black eyes and that swollen nose?  Right now, pretty damn dumb.”

    “Okay, I get it.  I’m just going to alert her to the fact that Tubby’s looking around for names and tell her to keep quiet.  That’s all.  What could go wrong?”

    “Don’t even go there,” Louie said.  (loc. 826)

 

    “I just haven’t seen you, thought it might be fun to get together.  Look if you’re busy or seeing someone, I’m cool with that.  We’re both adults.  Sorry I bothered. . .”

    “I didn’t say you couldn’t come over.  It’s just that, well admit it, if you were me, you’d be suspicious, too.”

    “No, I wouldn’t.  If I were you, I’d be wondering what sort of bottle of wine kind, wonderful Dev could bring me.”

    “Stop it, possibly two bottles might work better,” she said.  (loc. 1163)

 

Kindle Details…

    Crickett presently sells for $4.99 at Amazon, which is the standard price for most of the books in this series.  Right now, Mike Faricy has graciously temporarily discounted four of the e-books; one of them goes for $0.99, the other three are free.  The author has several other series (Hotshot, Corridor Man, and Jack Dillon Dublin Tales) in addition to the Dev Haskell misadventures; the normal price for their individual e-books is also $4.99 apiece.

 

He attempted to smile, but his face was so unused to the exercise, it came off as more of a sneer.  (loc. 2727)

    Crickett has the usual amount of cussing for a Dev Haskell tale.  I counted 18 instances in the first 20%, which includes a couple of f-bombs.

 

    Typos abound, which is also the norm for this series.  Errant quotation marks run willy-nilly; so do separated compound words.  We have the standard typos, such as site/sight and your/you’re, as well as some unusual but amusing ones such as hob-knobs/hobnobs and highjack/hijack.  The thinkingm/thinking gaffe surprised me.  How did that ever make it past Autocorrect?

 

    The main baddie’s identity seemed a bit forced, but that’s allowed in a beach/airport read.  Ditto for the aforementioned formulaic storytelling.  If you like the formula, it’s not a drawback.

 

    7½ Stars.  Overall, Crickett was about what I’ve come to expect from a Dev Haskell – Private  Investigator installment.  Nothing deep, but a fun read from beginning to end.  Mike Faricy is a wizard when it comes to telling a catchy tale and coming up with self-deprecating remarks by the protagonist.  I’m intrigued as to whether there’s a tie-in to the next book, Bulldog, so it probably won’t be too long before I tackle that one.

Ambrose, Prince of Wessex; Trader of Kiev - Bruce Corbett

    2010; 266 pages.  Book 1 (out of 6) in the “Ambrose Sagas” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Norse Historical Fiction; Vikings; Medieval History.   Overall Rating: 6/10.

 

    It’s 859 CE, and Ambrose has been having a tough time lately.

 

    His village in Wessex has just been raided by Vikings.  In addition to the usual looting and pillaging, they’ve taken a number of hostages.  Ambrose is one of those.  Now the Vikings are headed back to their homeland to sell off their prisoners as slaves.

 

    Well, Ambrose has one thing going for him—he’s a prince!  And princes can be ransomed back to their homelands.  Alas, Ambrose is a bastard prince.  There goes any chance of him being valuable enough to be bought back.

 

    So if you don’t want to be worked to death in the fields, Ambrose, you better start using your wits and wisdom.  Which, come to think of it, happen to be your biggest assets right now.

 

What’s To Like...

    Ambrose, Prince of Wessex; Trader of Kiev is the opening book in Bruce Corbett’s 6-volume historical fiction series that's set in the 9^th century CE and features the trader Ambrose adventuring across Europe, Asia, and even Africa.  In this story we learn how Ambrose became a European emissary and deal-broker.

 

     The action starts right away, with the abovementioned Viking raid on Wessex.  There’s also a sufficient amount of fighting for those who prefer a bit of blood in their historical fiction, and even a bit of romance that I suspect will develop further in subsequent books of the series.

  

    There are a bunch of interesting characters to meet and greet, the main two being Phillip, a weapons-master and Ambrose’s bodyguard, and Polonius, a Byzantine scholar who can come up with some amazing tweaks of military strategy and technology. 

 

    The author clearly did a bunch of research before writing this, which delighted me to no end.  859 CE is the middle of the Dark Ages for Western civilization, and there are very few books, fiction and non-fiction, devoted to providing details of that time.

    I was surprised by the number and variety of peoples whose path Ambrose crosses in his travels: Saxons, Pechenegs, Khazars, Ghuz, Vikings, Frisians, Rus, Magyars, and Varangians.  Four appendices are included in the back of the book, a Glossary (so you can look up words like atheling and jarl), a Cast of Characters (so you can tell who’s fictional and who really existed), a Timeline (so you can tell who was doing what and when), and a Map (so you can tell where the heck Ambrose is).  The links to these helpful resources work incredibly smoothly.

 

    Everything builds to a suitably exciting, albeit not particularly twisty, climax.  Not all the storylines are tied up, but hey, that’s what Books 2-6 are for.  The final chapter serves as an Epilogue and a teaser for the next book in this series, Ambrose, Prince of Wessex; Emissary to Byzantium.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 3.8*/5, based on 89 ratings and 29 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.18*/5, based on 50 ratings and 6 reviews.

 

Kindle Details…

    Ambrose, Prince of Wessex; Trader of Kiev presently sells for just $0.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series go for $3.99 apiece.  Bruce Corbett has several other series for your Kindle, those books also cost $3.99 each.

 

Excerpts...

    “The life of most of the Byzantine citizens, or at least those of the capital of Constantinople, is tied up with affairs of commerce and culture.  The risk of one’s life, at least to a Byzantine, is a foolish thing.  One only fights a savage and implacable enemy host if one is unable to hire others, more brave or foolish, to do the job for you.  Although there is a very well-trained and strong Byzantine army, it is composed of professional soldiers.  Some of the soldiers have even come from as far away as Northern Viking lands in order to enlist.”  (loc. 824)

 

    “The Varangians have a strong sense of honour, but it is not as you and I know it.  They would rather die than break their word to a valued companion.”

    “Then, Polonius, the town elders should be at their ease.  You have just said that the Varangians can be trusted to keep their word at all costs.”

    “Aye . . . To a valued companion.”

    “What are you saying, Polonius?”  (loc. 3837)

 

“Our Greek scholar may be a brilliant theoretical strategist, but he hasn’t got the common sense God gave a toad.”  (loc. 4283)

    There’s not much profanity in Ambrose, Prince of Wessex; Trader of Kiev, just five instances in the first 50% of the book.  Later on, the god Odin has his name referenced for mild curses, such as “by Odin’s left eye”, and other parts of his body, which amused and pleased me.

 

    Less amusing are several R-rated situations, including a discussion of rape, a rape itself, a castration, and a sexual assault.  One of these acts is carried out by our hero; none of them are particularly important to the main storyline.  It makes me wonder who the target audience is.

 

    But by far the biggest issue with this book is the atrocious amount of typos, misspellings, and grammar faux pas.  Things like lightening/lightning, loped/lopped and what seemed to be the author’s own system for handling multi-paragraph speaking.  It was incredibly distracting, and mars what is otherwise a worthy effort to pen a novel set in a time and place that almost nobody writes about.

 

    If you can ignore the dozens upon dozens of grammatical miscues, and don’t mind the occasional inclusion of unnecessary sexual abuse, you will probably find Ambrose. Prince of Wessex; Trader of Kiev an entertaining and enlightening read.  Sadly, I couldn’t.

 

    6 Stars.  The treatment of slaves in Viking villages was an interesting study here.  Although some captives of the Vikings were subjected to back-breaking labor, others were given a relatively humane way of life.  This is the second book I’ve read recently that has presented slavery thusly, albeit under vastly different historical and geographical circumstances.  That other book is reviewed here.