Bite Me - Mike Faricy

   2012; 326 pages.  Book 3 (out of 26) in the “Dev Haskell – Private Investigator” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Pulp Thriller; Hard-Boiled Mystery; Private Investigator Mystery.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    Sometimes even bat-poop crazy sleeping partners come in handy.  Such as the queen of female psychos in Dev Haskell’s life right now, Kiki.

 

    It seems her brother is an “on-air personality” at a local radio station, KRAZ, and they are looking for someone to provide security for their employees.  Dev is a private investigator, and he might be able to fit a side-job as a daytime security guard at KRAZ into his busy schedule.

 

    Truth be told, Dev could fit it into just about any time slot in his schedule; he has zero clients at present.  But let’s not tell the staff at KRAZ that.

 

    It looks like the job will be easy-peasy.  KRAZ has only two employees: Kiki's brother and the CEO.  This is an all-talk, no-music station; they simply record a fifteen-minute sound bit of right-wing ranting and air it four times every day, at set times.  There are no commercials, and apparently no call-ins.  No wonder Dev’s never heard of KRAZ.

 

    It makes you wonder why they feel they need a bodyguard.  And how they’re going to be able to pay Dev.

 

What’s To Like...

    Bite Me is the third book in Mike Faricy’s “Dev Haskell – Private Investigator” series, which consists of 26 books, and which I think is a completed series.  The books are quick and easy reads, highly entertaining but not to be taken seriously, and fast-paced with lots of plot twists.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV (Dev’s), and the 326 pages are divvied up into 67 chapters, which works out to an average of less than five pages per chapter.  You won’t have any trouble finding a good place to stop reading for the night.  There are lots of “adult situations”, a smidgen of kinkiness, and more than one murder, and although this all takes place offstage, by no means would I call it a cozy mystery.  The story, and I suspect, the whole series, is set in St. Paul, Minnesota.

 

    I read the second book in the series, Mr. Swirlee, a few months back, it is reviewed here.  Mike Faricy seems to adhere to a plot-development formula, so most of my comments there also apply here.  Dev Haskell is a charismatic antihero who reminds me of Bruce Willis’s role in the old TV series “Moonlighting”.  There’s lots of action, but not a lot of depth.  It’s not really a whodunit, instead it’s a matter of figuring out how Dev is going to get out of the mess he quickly finds himself in.

 

    I laughed at Dev’s cellphone skills, or lack thereof, they’re similar to mine.  He can make and receive calls on it, but that’s about it.  The running gag of everyone mispronouncing his name continues here, and I still chuckle every time.  The use of the insult “numb nuts” also amuses me; that’s my favorite putdown term.  The title stems from one of the many charges that the police bring upon Dev.  And one of the new characters, a lawyer dubbed "Louie the Lout", will have a recurring role, which is great to hear since I took an instant shine to him.

 

    The ending is akin to that of Mr. Swirlee: Dev succeeds in clearing himself of all of the charges except one, and that one’s only a misdemeanor.  Once again, some, but not all, of the baddies, get their just desserts.  By the last page, it’s pretty clear that Dev has figured out all the shenanigans going on, but things close with no arrests having been made.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  3.5/5 based on 549 ratings.

    Goodreads: 3.41/5 based on 947 ratings and 120 reviews

 

Things That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t…

    “Gorgeous, Asian, sexy, gave you the oral treatment yesterday and then something to suck on.”  (loc. 8907)

 

Excerpts...

    I was trying to remember something, anything from the night before and failing miserably, when there was a knock on the bathroom door.  God, the poor thing was probably bringing me coffee.

    “Momentito, my precious,” I called, trying to be funny.

    I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel and wiped my face, then went to open the door, thinking I may have really misjudged her.  Amazing how sometimes you can get off on the wrong foot.

    “Hey, gorgeous.  You’ve got…”

    The jolt from the officer’s Taser knocked me to the floor.  Writhing around on a wet, ceramic tile floor in electronic shock as thousands of volts jolted through my body did nothing to help my hangover.  (loc. 8473)

 

    “This is why you pay me, so listen up. Continue investigating, online.  Stay away from Farrell Earley and his sister, or wife, or ex-wife, Kiki, whatever in the hell she is.  Just stay away from her.  Your job, and I know it’s tough, but your job is to look like a model citizen right now.  Try and fool everyone into thinking you’re a decent guy.  Got it?”

    “I’m not sure I can pull that off.”

    “Humor me.”  (loc. 9379)

 

Kindle Details…

    Bite Me is priced at $3.99 at Amazon right now, same as the other 25 books in this series, with the exception of Book 12, Dog Gone, which is temporarily discounted to $0.99.  You can also buy the first seven books bundled together for a mere $9.99, which is the format in which I read Bite Me.

 

“I’ve never spent the night with a woman who kept a knife under her pillow.”  (loc. 7199)

    There’s not a lot to carp about in Bite Me, provided you aren’t a prude or a right-wing fanatic.

 

    Once again, Dev’s amorous adventures with just about every comely female character resulted in some low ratings at Amazon and Goodreads.  The point is valid, but Ian Fleming’s sleuth James Bond did the same thing.  The main difference between 007 and Dev is that here, most of the female characters here are successfully playing Dev for a sucker.

 

    There is a slew of cussing, 56 instances in the first quarter of the book, so if you were hoping for a cozy mystery, you’ll be disappointed.

 

    And yes, the story is formulaic, but I kinda like the formula.  We’ll see if that feeling lasts for another 23 books, but for now, Bite Me kept me turning the pages and staying up past my bedtime.  The earlier remarks about the ending notwithstanding, Bite Me is a standalone and completed story, and I think I can now say that you don’t have to read these 26 tales in strict order, even though I'm doing that.

 

    7½ Stars.  One final tip.  In the Amazon blurb for Bite Me, there is a short “From The Author” section, which I found to be positively enlightening.  If you want some insight into Mike Faricy’s writing process, be sure to check it out.

Furies of Calderon - Jim Butcher

   2004; 502 pages.  Book 1 (out of 6) in the “Codex Alera” series.  New Author? : No, but the series is new to me.  Genres: Epic Fantasy; High Fantasy; Roman Empire Fantasy; Coming of Age.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Poor, poor, pitiful Tavi.  Fifteen years old and not a trace of furycrafting in him.  Such a disability.  Indeed, in the entire realm of Alera, you’ll not find one another adult without a trace of magical ability.

 

    At least Tavi has a good homelife: he lives with his Uncle Bernard on a steadholt, and spends most of his time herding the sheep.  If all goes well, someday Bernard will give him a flock of his own, and Tavi can settle down to a comfortable, if utterly prosaic, life of sheepherding.

 

    Right now, however, he's in a bit of a bind.  While minding the flock yesterday, his attention strayed to a local lass that Tavi’s sweet on.  And while he was focusing on his puppy love, some of the sheep wandered off.  Uncle Bernard won’t fail to notice that.  Perhaps if Tavi slips out of the house early this morning, he can go round them up, bring them home, with nobody the wiser.

 

    The worst-case scenario is if Tavi is unable to find the lost sheep.  His uncle will not be pleased, and Tavi will have to accept whatever punishment is meted out.  I beg to differ, Tavi, that’s not even close to being the worst that can happen.  You have no idea how bad things are going to get.

 

    But you’re about to find out.

 

What’s To Like...

    Furies of Calderon is the first book in a (completed) six-volume high fantasy series called The Codex Alera, published in the 2004-2009, one book each year, by Jim Butcher and alongside his bread-&-butter series, The Dresden Files.  Good grief, that’s a lot of writing.

 

    The magic system is not complex.  Every Aleran, Tavi excepted, can “craft” (invoke and control) “furies” (think “ethereal familiars”) from one of the six elemental realms: Earth, Water, Fire, Air, Metal, and Wood.  Most Alerans have just a single fury, although a few have two.  As with any wizardly system, summoning and controlling a fury takes it out of you: the longer you're wielding an active fury, the longer it will take you to recover.  The only other magical ability, at least thus far, is “truthfinding”, which is sort of a walking, talking human lie detector.

 

    In addition to the magic, there are a bunch of new creatures: (gargants, slives, Knights Aeries, herdbanes, wax spiders, and more), all of which to meet and flee from.  Don’t let that term “wax spider” fool you, they might be the most dangerous in the menagerie.

 

    The writing is superb, which is the norm for Jim Butcher: witty, exciting, and well-paced once the obligatory world-building has been accomplished.  The character development is phenomenally deep and fluid: Tavi, Doroga, Kitai, Isana, Bernard, Fidelias, Odiana, Fade, and quite a few others, both good guys and bad, are all three-dimensional, yet this doesn't bog down the storytelling.

 

    The ending is well-crafted and epically long (100+ pages!), although it's been used a lot before: hordes upon hordes of baddies are besieging our hopelessly outnumbered good guys, with seemingly only one outcome possible.  Shades of Helm’s Deep from Lord of the Rings.

 

    Yet here, despite the reader knowing that our heroes will prevail (elsewise, how could there be five more books in the series?), Jim Butcher somehow convinces you that all is lost.  Still, most of the baddies will live to fight and furycraft another day, and in another book in the series.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 1,914 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.10/5 based on 102,021 ratings and 4,263 reviews

 

Things That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t…

    “Bernard.  Why is there a girl in your bed?”  (pg. 181)

 

Excerpts...

    “How will Aquitaine react?”

    The big man pursed his lips.  “It depends.”

    “On what?”

    “On what he is doing when we interrupt him with bad news.”

    “Is it all that bad?”

    Aldrick smiled.  “Just hope he’s up drinking.  He’s usually in a pretty good mood.  Tends to forget his anger by the time the hangover has worn off.”

    “It was an idiot’s plan to begin with.”

    “Of course.  It was his.”  (pg. 81)

 

    “Trouble, Tavi,” Fade said, his tone serious.  “Trouble.”

    “I know,” Tavi said.  “Don’t worry.  We’ll figure a way out of this.”

    Fade nodded, eyes watching Tavi expectantly.

    “Well not right this minute,” Tavi said, after a flustered moment.  “You could at least try to help me come up with something, Fade.”

    Fade stared vacantly for a moment and then frowned.  “Marat eat Alerans.”

    Tavi swallowed.  “I know, I know.  But if they were going to eat us, they wouldn’t have given us blankets and a place to sleep.  Right?”

    “Maybe they like hot dinner,” Fade said, darkly.  “Raw dinner.”

    Tavi stared at him for a minute.  “That’s enough help, Fade.”  (pg. 257)

 

“She kissed me, and my brains melted and dribbled out my ears.”  (pg. 161)

    The quibbles are minor.  There were a couple of typos, which is a couple too many for a published book (mass market format, by Ace Fantasy): Aldrick/Aldrik; Aldrick/Aquitainus, tread/trod, and the ubiquitous lead/led boo-boo.

 

    Most of the occasions that called for cussing made clever use of the word “crow”.  Examples: “bloody crows” (bloody heck), “crow fodder” (BS), “crows and bloody furies”; yet on two occasions, “b*tch” snuck in.  There’s a lot of blood and gore, which I expected, but also rape, forcible assault (via a slave collar), and even cannibalism, all of which surprised me a bit.  It makes me wonder who the target audience is.  Perhaps it’s for readers like me: adults who still like to read fantasy novels.

 

    Finally, and most nitpicky, there were no maps, at least not here in the first book.  We'll see if that holds true throughout the series.

 

    The quibbles notwithstanding, overall, Furies of Calderon fully met the high expectations I have for anything written by Jim Butcher.  I’ll defer on whether The Dresden Files outshines The Codex Alera, or vice versa until I’ve read more of this series.  But I’m guessing my answer will be “they’re both fantastic”.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last bit of trivia.  According to the Wikipedia article, Jim Butcher penned The Codex Alera based on a bet that he couldn’t write a good story based on a lame idea.  Butcher responded that he could do so based on two of the challenger’s lame ideas.  The ones chosen?  “Lost Roman Legion” and “Pokemon”).  I’m not kidding; you can read about it here.

Secret Murder: Who Shall Judge? - Ellen Kuhfeld

   2011; 157 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Alternate History; Murder-Mystery; Historical Fiction.  Overall Rating : 4½*/10.

 

    Once upon a time, every grade school student learned that Columbus discovered America.  Oh, there were a few folks who said Leif Erikson did it a half a millennium earlier, named the new world “Vinland”, and left a few artifacts here to confuse the archaeologists before packing up and going back home.  But it was agreed that Leif’s trip, even if it happened, didn’t count because the Vikings never established any permanent settlements.

 

    But what if they had?  If so, it’s reasonable to assume that once the rest of Europe found out, other European countries would jump at the chance to explore this brave new world, particularly France and England.

 

    True, sailing technology in 1000 AD wasn’t as advanced as it would be in 1492, so the pace of colonization would be slower.  And since the Black Plague hadn't happened yet, the natives in America would be spared being ravaged by the pandemics that germ-carrying European explorers would later inflict upon them.

 

    It is logical to assume that the Vikings would settle in the north, mostly in Canada.  How the French and English and “Skraelings” (the Viking term for indigenous Americans) divvied up what is presently the United States is anybody’s guess, but some sort of equilibrium would be established.  And trade between the various factions would commence.

 

    That's the basis for this tale.

 

What’s To Like...

    Secret Murder: Who Shall Judge? is an ambitious blend of historical fiction and murder-mystery, set in an alternate world where Northmen (read “Vikings”), French, English, and Skraelings coexist and trade with one another.  The exact place and time are unclear, but probably somewhere along the present-day US-Canada border (most likely Minnesota since that’s the author’s home state), and in the 1200s, give or take a century or so.

 

    Our protagonist is Ragnar Forkbeard, a merchant down from the (Canadian) Northlands to participate in, and hopefully gain a big profit from, a weeklong trading fair.  There’s bad blood between him and another Northman there, the banished Thorolf Pike, but both keep a somewhat civil tongue since they’re in English territory, where English law prevails.  Things are tense but peaceful, until Thorolf is found dead with an arrow in his chest.

 

    The book opens with a prologue that details the Alt-History scenario described above, and since I'm a history-buff, I thoroughly enjoyed it.  The settings are limited to the trade fair and a nearby abbey, plus the surrounding forest area.  There’s almost zero cussing, no sex, a minimum of onstage violence, and lots of mead to wet everyone’s whistle.  I'd definitely call this a cozy mystery.

 

    The historical element seemed well-researched.  Ellen Kuhfeld uses a lot of Viking terminology which gives a nice “feel” to the storyline.  Some of the terms are defined, some not. so it would’ve been nice if either a glossary or footnotes had been utilized to explain things like Ringerike, liripipe, nithing, etc.  Nonetheless, at 157 pages, Secret Murder: Who Will Judge? is a quick and easy read.

 

    The title reference, introduced at 33%, is a Northland law covering a justifiable homicide situation, and which I’m presuming is historically factual.  There are a couple of poem/chants woven into the story; I thought the one at 86% was particularly stirring.  Thoughts by any of the characters are given in italics; I’ve always liked that way of handling them.  I enjoyed the mention of a gleeman; I don’t think I’ve come across one in a story since when I read Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Misliked (v.; archaic) : considered to be unpleasant; disliked.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.1*/5, based on 22 ratings.

    Goodreads: 3.27*/5, based on 11 ratings and 1 review.

 

Excerpts...

    “We must plan the rest of our investigations.  Matilda might solve this for us – but when have we ever been fortunate enough to have the answer drop into our laps like that, hm?”

    “Last fall.  Remember we stopped at the Dancing Bear to ask if travelers had seen the robber we were after?  And there he was, drunk as a monk in the corner.”  Dirk had a weakness for interrupting.

    "Hm.  Thank you, Dirk.  That’s once, men, once in the last year.  The rest, we had to work for.”  (loc. 370)

 

    “Thorolf was outlawed – who cares who kills him?  It’ll be a bother, but we’re only here for a week.”

    “The baron cares.  Why do you think that Southerner was talking about Thorolf taking companions onto his pyre?”  Ragnar saw Olaf still didn’t understand.

    “You’ve mostly traded to the east, where customs are more reasonable.  The laws are different here.  Except for self-defense, you’ve got to be some kind of lawman or soldier before you’re allowed to kill people.  Do it yourself, and they’ll hang you.  It’s called justice.”  (loc. 538)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now Secret Murder: Who Shall Judge? is priced at $3.99 at Amazon.  Ellen Kuhfeld has written a number of other books, mostly hard-boiled detective tales and cozy mysteries, all under several different pen names.  She is also a coauthor of Minnesota Vice, a collection of short stories, along with Mary Kuhfeld. 

 

 

“Finns are strange.  Half of them are enchanters, and the other half think they’re enchanters.”  (loc. 1093)

    Sadly, Secret Murder: Who Shall Judge? has a lot of weaknesses.  We’ll skip the nitpicky stuff and just list the major issues.

 

Murder-Mystery Aspect.  This was poorly done and slow-moving.  The key clue is an arbitrary one and not convincing.  The perpetrator could have simply denied everything and no one would be able to prove otherwise.

 

Alt-History Aspect.  Largely undeveloped.  The entire “new world” consists of a trade fair and an abbey.  We don't even get to visit Ragnar’s home turf, the Northlands.  Fans of Alt-History are going to be disappointed with the scant attention paid to world-building.

 

The Historical Fiction Aspect.  The Norsemen and English factions are both done well, but the French and Native Americans are barely mentioned.  The story could have just as easily been set along the east coast of medieval England without any “alt” plotline needed.

 

The Ending.  Weak at best, disturbing at worst.  Ragnar figures out who the actual murderer is, obtains a confession, but doesn’t turn his findings over to the English authorities.  Instead, he allows an innocent rival to be framed for the murder, where the punishment will be death-by-hanging.

 

    What kind of moral to a story is that?!  I suppose you could call it “Viking Justice”, but the crime was committed on English soil, and the people reading this aren’t Medieval Norsemen.  Should we really have our protagonists framing others for capital offenses just because they’re bullies?

 

    4½ Stars.  Despite its flaws, I still enjoyed reading Secret Murder: Who Shall Judge?, but that’s probably because I love all the three genres covered in this book.  Perhaps it would have been better to pick just one of those genres (hint, hint!!  Alt-History!!) and narrow the story’s focus.  I for one would love to read a book, or even a series, chronicling the adventures of English, French, Native American, and Viking heroes and spanning the entirety of pre-Columbian North America.

Fool - Christopher Moore

   2009; 305 pages.  Book 1 (out of 3) in the “Fool” series.  Full Title: Fool: A Novel.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Dark Comedy; Shakespearean Spoofery; Humor.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Could there be anyone in the world more foolish than a king’s Royal Fool?  He even has to dress the part with that silly hat with little tinkle bells attached (it’s called a coxcomb) and carry around a jester’s scepter, a miniature mockery of the King’s royal wand, with a silly image of himself at the top.

 

    Welcome to Pocket’s world, and as far as he’s concerned that’s not a bad life.  He lives in the royal palace, is usually in the company of King Lear himself, is responsible for keeping everyone amused, and is allowed to make snarky gibes about any and all those around him.

 

    Admittedly, the job is risky.  Heap enough insults on some visiting noble, and the Fool runs the danger of being stabbed in a hallway or poisoned at a meal.  And of course, if the king finds your remarks slanderous instead of witty, your only choice may be decapitation or the hangman's noose.

 

    But Pocket is nobody’s fool (well yes, he is, the King’s, but bear with me), and nobody in the royal court views him as a threat.  Glib speech and persuasive reasoning will keep him out of trouble most of the time, and when it doesn’t, he can always play one highborn simpleton against another.

 

    As long as Pocket sticks to that strategy, there’s no telling what he can get away with.

 

What’s To Like...

    Fool is the opening book in Christopher Moore’s trilogy retelling the plays of Shakespeare, in this case being a satire of the bard's King Lear, and although I was forced to read a half-dozen or so of Shakespeare’s plays in high school, this wasn’t one of them.  I *thought* somebody got stabbed behind an arras and someone else threw themselves in a river and drowned in King Lear, but it turns out that was Hamlet.

 

    Thanks to Wikipedia, I can say that events in Fool follow the bard’s script fairly closely, even to the point of the Royal Fool being an important companion of King Lear.  But Christopher Moore tells to tale from Pocket’s point of view, adds a slew of new plot tangents, and rewrites the ending.  He also adds scenes, quotes, and characters from other Shakespearean plays, including my favorite trio: the three witches in Macbeth.  “Double double, toil and trouble”, and all that.

 

    The text contains both old English words and some modern Britishisms, but fear not, there are easy-to-use footnotes to enlighten you about these, bubbling over with Moore’s wit, and not to be skipped.  It is advisable to bookmark the “Cast of Characters” section at the very beginning; I referred to it a lot.

 

    The tale is told in the first-person POV – Pocket’s, of course.  The chapters are of moderate length: 25 of them covering 305 pages, for an average of about 12 pages per chapter, and grouped into five acts (same number as Shakespeare’s play had), plus a short Intermission.  I liked the nod to Druidism early in the book, and chuckled at the mention of the well-known Dr. Seuss children’s book, Green Eggs and Hamlet, with its famous soliloquy quote: “Green eggs, or not green eggs!”

 

    The ending is decent and logical, and similar to the way a Shakespearean tragedy finishes, albeit not particularly exciting or twisty, but that’s okay.  Everyone gets their just desserts (or “deserts”, let’s not argue the point), which for many of the characters means they die. The final act serves as an Epilogue, giving “whatever happened to” ends to various plot threads.  I’ve already read the sequel to this, The Serpent of Venice (reviewed here), and have the most recent (final?) book in the series, Shakespeare for Squirrels, waiting for me on my Kindle.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Boffnacity (n., made-up) : an expression of shagnatiousness (from the Latin “boffusnatious”).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 871 ratings.

    Goodreads: 3.96*/5, based on 52,606 ratings and 3,616 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “Pocket, you have traveled the land, tell me, what is it like to be a peasant?”

    “Well, milady, I’ve never been a peasant, strictly speaking, but for the most part, I’m told it’s wake early, work hard, suffer hunger, catch the plague, and die.  Then get up the next morning and do it all again.”

    “Every day?”

    “Well, if you’re a Christian – on Sunday you get up early, go to church, suffer hunger until you have a big meal of barley and swill, then catch the plague and die.”  (loc. 1416)

 

    “Here to be murdered then, are you?”

    “Not immediately.  Uh, Edmund, if you don’t mind my saying, you’re being offputtingly pleasant today.”

    “Thank you.  I’ve adopted a strategy of pleasantness.  It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer.”  Edmund leaned over the desk now, as if to take me into his most intimate confidence.  “It seems a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.”

    “So you’re being pleasant?”

    “Yes.”  (loc. 2545)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, Fool costs $9.99 at Amazon.  The other two books in the series go for $7.49 (The Serpent of Venice) and $11.99 (Shakespeare for Squirrels).  Christopher Moore has about 15 other e-books to offer, most of which I’ve read; they’re priced in the range of $5.99-$13.99.

 

 

“My people burn a virgin every autumn – one can’t be too careful.”  (loc. 1265 )

    There’s not much to quibble about in Fool, although if you’re looking for a YA book suitable for little Tommy or Susie, this isn’t it.  Cusswords abound, particularly the F-bomb in all its varied usages.  There’s a rape, and a fair amount of violence, including a pair of eyes getting plucked out.  Although to be fair, that eye-gouging is also in Shakespeare’s version.

    Then there are the references to sex, oodles of them, although in most cases it is described in tasteful terms, and precisely what you’d expect from a court jester.  That seemed to be the number one complaint in the one-star reviews.  

    Last, and least, there were more typos than I’d expect in a book put out by a major publishing house (HarperCollins).  “Parsely” instead of “parsley”, “free lance” instead of “freelance”, and so forth.  It wasn’t excessive, but still, what do those professional editors get paid for?

 

    That’s about it.  In summary, if you’re looking for a well-written novel with interesting characters, an abundance of wit, no slow spots, and an adult target audience, any Christopher Moore novel is a great choice.  And if you’re in the mood for something with a Shakespearean twist, Fool is perfect for you.

 

    9 Stars.  One last note: there's a section at the end titled “You Cheeky Git – An Author’s Note”, wherein the author gives you some background to both Fool and King Lear.  The latter, it turns out, is based on a mostly-mythical figure in English history named King Leir, who, if he has any historical basis at all, lived around 400 BC.  Hats off to Shakespeare for plucking him out of the myths and plopping him into a medieval setting, and to Christopher Moore for spoofing him.

Pulp Reality 2 - Published by Charles F. Millhouse

   2021; 208 pages.  Full Title: Pulp Reality 2: An Action & Adventure Publication.  New Authors? : Mostly yes.  Book 2 (out of 2, so far) in the “Pulp Reality” series.  Genres : Action & Adventure; Pulp Fiction.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

   The blurb on the back cover of this book sums it up concisely: “Ten new short stories from today’s leading authors and illustrators in the New Pulp genre.”  Which begs the question:

 

What exactly is the “New Pulp genre”?

 

    Well, Wikipedia has an informative page on the “old” version, labeled “Pulp Magazine”.  The link is here, and even though its heyday was before my time, it still sounds pretty good to me.  It is by nature a collection of short stories, but they can be in all sorts of sub-genres, most of which I like to read anyway, such as fantasy, aviation, horror, science fiction, detectives, war, etc.  Nevertheless, regardless of which sub-genre is used, the prerequisite is always the same: there must be lots of action and adventure.

 

    Sadly, pulp magazines have largely disappeared from the shelves of bookstores, done in by comic books, paperback novels, and most devastating of all, according to Wikipedia, by the “widespread expansion of television”.

 

    But the times they are a-changin’.  Thanks to Stormgate Press, and its publisher, Charles F. Millhouse, you can relive the reading joys your father (or grandfather or great-grandfather) experienced by picking up a copy of Pulp Reality 2.

 

What’s To Like...

    Pulp Reality 2 is an anthology with ten short stories.  They are:

01. New Flesh on Old Bones by Marlin Williams

02. NightVision: Murder After Midnight by Charles F. Millhouse

03. To Race the Moon by Brian K. Morris

04. Snow Chase by Bobby Nash

05. Patently False: B-Man Returns by Clyde Hall

06. Legend of the Fancy Cat by Amy Hale

07. Kings of the Crustaceous Period by Scott Donnelly

08. The Wind-Up Kid by Ron Fortier

09. Ghost From the Past: A Capt. Hawklin Tale by Charles F. Millhouse

10. Ace Anderson & The Curse of Dr. Atomika by Kellie Lynn Austin

 

    Each story is accompanied by at least one piece of eye-catching artwork, usually serving as the title page, plus the front cover image shown above, which I find simply stunning.  The paperback version, which is the only format available for now, measures 8½”x11”, presumably to mimic the traditional size of pulp fiction magazines, which per Wikipedia, was 7”x10”.

 

    One of the ten tales is told in the first-person POV, and one is a continuation of a story from the initial Pulp Reality publication.  There is a minimal amount of cussing, which I gather is also typical of pulp fiction.  A couple of the stories feature heroes who also star in full-length series by their authors, which I thought was a clever way to give the reader a "taste" of those.

 

    I liked that no two stories had the same setting/sub-genre.  We won’t list the details here – it’s more fun to discover these by reading the book.  The back cover claims the magazine is “packed with Pirates, Private Eyes, Aliens, automatons, villains and vigilantes”, and I can attest that’s accurate, albeit not all-inclusive.

 

    There are no “weak links” among the authors here; each tale kept me entertained and turning the pages.  Here's a few things, without spoilers, that really stood out for me, one per tale:

    In Old Flesh for New Bones, the breathtaking “feel” for sailing back in the swashbuckling era!

    In NightVision, the deep character-development of the hero, in only 20 pages.

    In To Race the Moon, the twist at the end of the story.

    In Snow Chase, how well the “then/now” timeline technique worked.

    In Patently False, the refreshingly new super-power.

    In Fancy Cat, much better than The Shining, plus tons of plot twists.

    In Kings of the Crustaceous Period, why eating crab legs may shorten your lifespan.

    In The Wind-Up Kid, the technologically-believable mechanical hero.

    In Ghost from the Past, the insight into the oddly fascinating Hawklin father/son relationship.

    In Ace Anderson, the eerie concept of zombies on a submarine.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  x.x/5 based on 0 ratings.

    Goodreads: x.xx/5 based on 0 ratings and 0 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    The British officer now stood at the railing.  His tall stature was topped by a Bicorne hat and traditional powdered wig.  “I am Thaddeus Beaumont, Captain in the King’s Royal Navy.”  He squared his shoulders.  Through a pair of close-set eyes, he stared down his long nose.  “Captain Gosson Lefleur, as gentlemen, it is my hopes that you and I may discuss terms of surrender.”

    “Mine or yours?”

    Beaumont frowned.  “Do not mock me, sir.  Surrender and you’ll be taken back to England for a fair trial.”

    “I’ve heard tales of the king’s fair trials.”  (pg. 19)

 

    “Thomas…”

    “Yes, I’m still here,” his father replied.

    “Are you up to being a distraction?”

    “And get shot at…?”

    “I don’t think you will.”

    “You don’t think?”  Thomas held a laugh deep in his throat.  (pg. 189)

 

The first rule of assassination, Snow reminded himself, was kill the assassin.  (pg. 89)

    There are a couple of nits to pick.  As noted in a review for the first Pulp Reality book, the large size of the pages can be cumbersome at times.  Nevertheless, I kind of liked it, since I got to experience the "feel" of reading a pulp magazine way back in 1900.

 

    And while 208 pages might sound like a pretty short book, 8½”x11” is the size of a sheet of copier paper.  This means you get a lot more words-per-page than you would from a mass market paperback with the same number of pages.  True, there are a few full-page ads for other pulp-fiction-related events and publications in Pulp Reality 2, but they were also present in my boyhood comic books.

 

    The main drawback here is the significant number of typos, punctuation misuse, and outright mistakes throughout the book, often to the point where it became a distraction for a grammar pedant like me.  Some of the stories were more error-free than others, which makes me wonder if the proofreading and editing was left up to each author to do.

 

    Nonetheless, if grammatical hiccups don’t unsettle your inner reading mind, and you yearn for tales where buckles are swashed and thrills are spilled, then you’ll find Pulp Reality 2 to be a delightful read.  And some more good news: Pulp Reality 3 is due out in the fall of this year!

 

    8½ Stars.  Opening lines are important in any tale, but especially in a short story.  My favorite one from this set of tales: Corporal James Powell never saw a were-panther before and in three more minutes, never would again. (from “To Race The Moon”).

Lacuna: Demons of the Void - David Adams

   2013; 207 pages.  Full Title: Lacuna: Demons of the Void – PG-13 Edition.  Book 1 (out of 6) in the “Lacuna” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Space Opera; Science Fiction; First Contact.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

 

    The message from the alien spaceship was short and to the point: “Never again attempt to develop this kind of technology.”  Then, to show they meant business, they obliterated the cities of Beijing, Tehran, and Sydney.

 

    That was in 2029 AD, eight years ago.  It’s safe to assume that they were referring to something we call “jump drive” technology, which Earth’s scientists have been working on for a while.  Think of it as wormhole-hopping; it has the potential to make it possible to travel throughout the galaxy.

 

    Now it’s 2037 AD and the jump drive is ready to be tested.  Earth has built three big honkin’ spaceships, each named for one of the destroyed cities, and it's time to try out the new technology.  The first order of business is obvious: find them nasty extraterrestrials and whup their alien butts.

 

    Let's not let the fact that they are technologically far superior to us deter us from our mission.  We are Earthlings, and we’re always in the right, so we will always be victorious.

 

    We better hope so, anyway.

 

What’s To Like...

    Amazon labels Lacuna: Demons of the Void as Space Fleet Sci-Fi, Alien Invasion Sci-Fi, and Space Exploration Sci-Fi; and those are all appropriate, but I think you can lump them together and call this a Space Opera.  There’s plenty of cussing, lots of rolling-in-the-hay (or in space bunks or in various nooks and crannies of a spaceship), and even a bit of “naked post-sex back rubs”.

 

    There’s lots of action and intrigue to keep you turning the pages.  The protagonist is a female Chinese officer; that's a refreshingly unusual choice.  She’s a bit too quick to pull the trigger, but her interacting with a fellow officer and one of the space aliens gave a nice balance to the thrills and spills.

 

    David Adams is Australian, which means the book uses English spellings (tonnes, grey, tyres, chequered, etc.) and American grammar.  That may sound weird, but it made for an easy read.

 

    While the technology is very “real-sounding”, I wouldn’t label this a Hard Science Fiction novel.  Instead, it reminded me of Star Trek science: neat-sounding and entertaining, but not to be taken seriously.  Sorry, Trekkies.

    I chuckled at the brief reference to the XKCD cartoon strip, and liked that the alien ships utilized Rayguns, even if they were for defensive purposes only.  The Spanish flirting lines were a nice touch, and this is the first book I remember where (Chinese) Mandarin characters were used in the text.  More on that in a bit.

 

    Everything leads to an exciting, two-chapters-long showdown in which the aliens have a couple neat tricks up their sleeve, and all seems lost for quite a while.  The fate of some of the characters is deferred until Book Two, but Lacuna: Demons of the Void is still a standalone story, as well as the start of a 6-book series.  The book closes with a clever plot twist in the Epilogue, although to be honest, I saw it coming many chapters beforehand.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  3.6/5 based on 496 ratings.

    Goodreads: 3.42/5 based on 1,042 ratings and 135 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    Liao watched curiously as [Summer] took the plastic pen out of her pocket, holding it near the giant donut.  The tip wobbled, and then the whole pen jerked out of her hand towards the featureless metal – hitting it with a “clank”.

    “Impressive, but isn’t that just magnetism?” Liao observed dryly.

    “That pen’s plastic.”  (loc. 326)

 

    “Cheung here; what can I do for you, Captain?”

    Liao gave a slight grin, watching the corners of the metal decompression door heat up, glowing dull red as the Toralii burned through it.  “There’s a squad of Toralii Alliance marines about to break in the door of Operations.  I don’t suppose you have any men to spare?”

    There was a pause as Cheung thought it through.  “Negative, Captain.  Sorry, all units are engaged at this time.”

    “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”  Liao thought for a moment.  “Anything you can tell me that’ll help, based on your engagements with the Toralii so far?”

    “Don’t let them shoot you.”  (loc. 4958)

 

Kindle Details…

    The “non-PG13” version of Lacuna: Demons of the Void (which has the title shortened to simply “Lacuna”) seems to be always free at Amazon, which makes trying this series out a risk-free venture.  I don’t know if the version I read is “more adult” or “less adult” than what Amazon now offers.  The other five books in the series are all priced at $4.99 apiece.

 

“Thank you once again, Summer, for your continued disruptive presence.”  (loc. 4359 )

    There are reasons why Lacuna: Demons of the Void gets low ratings at both Goodreads and Amazon.  Some of the reviewers didn’t find the protagonist to be likeable, and they have a point.  Having a female Chinese starship commander is a fascinating idea, and I was hoping for a deep, complex, and evolving character study.  Instead, Melissa Liao comes off as eager to jump into the sack with the first hunk she meets, and without any people-skills when dealing with her crew.  I like anti-heroes, but there's a difference between being incisive versus being arrogant.  There was so much more that could have been done with Liao.

 

    The decision to include Chinese characters in the text felt clunky.  I took two years of Mandarin Chinese a few years back, so this should have been a delight for me.  But in the majority of cases, no translation was given, and let’s face it, trying to google a Chinese glyph is impossible for most readers.  At the very least, the ”pinyin” format should have been used.  Luckily, around 10% of the way through the e-book, the author seems to have abandoned using the Chinese text.

 

    Both Melissa Liao and Summer Rowe are referred to by their first and last names, which was confusing.  Beta readers should have brought this up.  Also, realistically, the learning of the alien language should have been much more gradual, with opportunities for some “lost in translation” wittiness.  And finally, the book could have used another round of proofreading.  Comma misuse was prevalent, the past-tense verb is “led”, not “lead”, and so forth.

 

    But sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.  Yes, the writing and storytelling could be improved, but Lacuna: Demons of the Void still entertained me, and who knows, maybe the writing gets more polished as the series progresses.  David Adams certainly has a talent for penning exciting battle scenes and electrifying endings.  Despite its shortcomings, this book was still a worthwhile read.

 

    6 Stars.  As shown on the cover, my version of Lacuna: Demons of the Void was listed as being the “PG-13 Edition”.  It doesn’t seem to be offered at Amazon anymore, although Goodreads lists it as an option.  I mention this as a caveat that your electronic version of this book may be slightly different in tone from mine.