Redneck Kaiju - Wil Radcliffe

   2025; 185 pages.  Full Title: Redneck Kaiju: The Scavengers of Deep Hollow.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Dark Fantasy, Horror.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    It came out of the mist like a myth; a giant man-shaped goat.  Thorns twisted like serpents.  Muscles like tree trunks.  Cloven hoofs that cracked stone.  And eyes . . . God, those eyes . . . yellow like wildfire.  (pg. 7).

 

    And it kicked the stuffing out of a 12-man squadron of US Marines.  Patrick “Panther” McMorn was one of the lucky survivors, and still has nightmares about that encounter.

 

    But that was in the past, in Afghanistan, and who knows what kinds of vile mutated beasts all the wars with chemical weapons over there may have been spawned.  Panther McMorn is a civilian now, back in his hometown of Deep Hollow, Indiana.  The only monsters here are in fairy tales.

 

    Yeah right.  In your dreams, Panther, in your dreams.

 

What’s To Like...

    The action in Redneck Kaiju starts right away; the monster-meeting excerpt given above occurs on the third page of the text.  There are two timelines, one in Afghanistan; the other in Deep Hollow.  The text switches between the two, but it is not confusing at all.

 

    I was unfamiliar with the term “Kaiju”, but it’s not a made-up word.  Google it; you’ll be glad you did.  The character development is excellent; I especially liked how Barry’s persona evolves as the story progresses.  Kira and Panther are also well-crafted.  Heck, even the dog’s character development is deftly done.

 

    Thrills and spills and kaiju critters abound.  It’s easy to determine who the bad guys are, but the real crux of the storyline is figuring out a way to stop them, and then repair their evil doings.  There are a wide variety of kaiju creatures to meet and discreetly avoid.  They differ in size, mentality, and temperament, but all of them are lethal.

 

    Everything builds to an exciting, over-the-top, ending, with a major plot twist thrown in just when I thought the story was winding up.  The final page hints that a sequel will follow, hopefully in the not-too-distant future!

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Luchador (n.) : a Mexican professional wrestler

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  5.0/5 based on 1 rating and 1 review.

    Goodreads: x.xx/5 based on 0 ratings and 0 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Whatever was out there wasn’t trying to hide.  Heavy footfalls.  Breathing, maybe.  Slow and steady.  He didn’t feel fear, not exactly, but his muscles tensed, trained for impact.

    If it wanted to kill him, it probably could.

    He reached down, fingers brushing the handle of the knife on his belt.

    Then a snout pushed out of the brush.  A long tail wagged behind it.

    “Seriously?” Panther said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  (pg. 12)

 

    She laughed for real this time.  Then she stood on her toes and kissed him deeply.  When they pulled apart, T-Bone gave a jealous grunt.

    Kira reached out and scratched the giant dog’s head.  “Take care of this big dummy,” she whispered.

    “I will,” Panther replied.

    “I was talking to the dog,” she said with a crooked smile.  (pg. 125)

 

Kindle Details…

    Redneck Kaiju currently costs $2.99 at Amazon, which is a super deal for a new release.  Wil Radcliffe has another half-dozen e-books for your Kindle, from his two earlier series: Noggle Stones and The Whisper King.  They range in price from $0.99 to $4.99 apiece.

 

“Holy crap.  Chemistry is way more violent than I thought.”  (pg. 72)

    There’s a light-to-moderate amount of profanity in Redneck Kaiju.  I counted 16 instances in the first 20%, including a couple of f-bombs; which extrapolates out to about 80 in the whole book.  Not bad for a horror tale.  There was also one roll-in-the-hay.

 

    I spotted only one typo: raises/raised.  Kudos to whoever did the editing on this.

 

    That’s it for the quibbles.  Redneck Kaiju is a fast-paced, well-written tale with a bit of wit thrown in for good measure.  There were no slow spots that I recall.  Simply put, the monsters come in droves, fast and furious, and there’s just no time to slow down.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  I liked the tip-of-the-hat to acclaimed Wyoming-born American artist Jackson Pollock.  I’ve been a fan of his ever since seeing his works in a gallery in Jackson Hole, Wyoming years ago.  It’s nice to see him getting a nod.

Night's Master - Tanith Lee

   1978; 244 pages.  Book 1 (out of 5) in the “Flat Earth” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres: Dark Fantasy; Anthology; Folklore.  Overall Rating: 7*/10.

 

    He is known by many titles: Lord of Darkness, Bringer of Anguish, Eagle-Winged, the Beautiful, the Unspeakable, the Prince of Demons, and the Master of Night.  Besides being a demon, he’s also a shape-shifter.

 

    He rules the Underearth from his capital city of Druhim-Vanashta, “The City of the Demons”, where the sun never shines.  He is the lord of the princely Vazdru, the worshipping Eshva, and the lowly Drin.

 

    He enjoys traveling to Upperearth, at least when it is nighttime.  He can cast spells, pronounce curses, conjure up foul beasts, and create new beings.  All of which wreaks havoc on the mortals up there.  But he despises the great orange sphere that rises in the east and bathes Upperearth with heat and light, and he is careful to scurry back to Underearth when rays of lightness begin to shine in the eastern sky.  His name is Azhrarn, and this is his story.

    Actually, it’s six stories about him and various creatures which have had the misfortune to cross his path.  I’m pleased to introduce you to the Night’s Master.

 

What’s To Like...

    Night’s Master is really three pairs of interrelated tales.  They all center around Azhrarn, of course, but each duad of stories also features at least one recurring character.  Ferazhin costars the first section, Zorayas in the second, and Janeve in the third.

 

    The “Flat Earth” appellation in the series' name caught my eye since I’m a devoted reader of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series.  But Tanith Lee’s version isn’t circular and doesn’t have elephants standing on a giant turtle’s back.  It’s square, and the Sun apparently revolves around it.  I’m curious to see whether anyone ever reaches the edge and accidentally falls off.

 

    The world-building is fantastic.  The author utilizes a flowery style of writing.  For instance, at one point we meet a “pedlar”.  I looked it up; it is an archaic version of “peddler”.  There are also lots of descriptive passages that let you “see” Underearth and Upperearth.  In the hands of an amateur, this writing style could be irksome.  Here it works beautifully.

 

    The character-development is also masterful.  Yes, Azhrarn is the Prince of Demons. But the gods have a wry sense of humor, and at one point he’s forced to save mankind.  Zorayas is also deeply developed.  Events in her early life leave her scarred, turning an innocent child into a vengeful adult.

 

    Upperearth is filled mostly with humans, and Underearth has mostly demons.  But there are other creatures to meet and steer clear of, including witches, dragons, giants, magicians, gods, and even a unicorn.  It was also fun to see something called the Chair of Uncertainty; it's definitely an artifact I want to get my hands on.

 

    Each of the six tales has its own ending, but I didn’t sense anything tying together and closing the entire set of stories as a whole.  I suspect Tanith Lee’s main goal for Night's Master was to introduce the reader to Azhrarn and the two planes of Flat Earth.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.2/5 based on 293 ratings and 52 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.04/5 based on 2,816 ratings and 359 reviews

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Fane (n.) : a temple or shrine.

Others: jestling (v.); asphodel (n.); vulpine (adj.).

 

Excerpts...

    She called out: “Blessed be the name of the Dark Lord, and let him do me no harm.”

    To which Azhrarn, smiling, replied: “Time has harmed you enough with his claws.”

    “So indeed he has,” cried the witch, her eyes glittering greedily.  “May the Dark Lord grant me my youth again?”

    At that Azhrarn laughed coldly: “I do not often grant favors, hag.  But though I will not give you your youth, I will see to it you grow no older,” and a lightning slipped from his hand and struck the witch down.  It was never wise to ask a boon from a demon.  (loc. 269)

 

    “You may not drink,” said the first Guardian to Azhrarn, regarding him with this pitiless fearsome eye.

    “Indeed you may not,” said the other, regarding him also.

    “I am not here to drink,” said Azhrarn.  “Do you not know me?”

    “It is futile to know anything,” said the first Guardian, “since all things below pass, alter, decline and perish, and all things here above are unchanging.”

    “Humankind know me,” said Azhrarn.

    “Humankind,” said the second Guardian.  “What are they that we should be interested in their knowledge?”  (loc. 3072)

 

Kindle Details…

    Night’s Master currently sells for $6.99 at Amazon.  The other four books in this series are priced in the $7.99-$9.99 range.  Amazon offers a couple dozen Tanith Lee e-books for your reading pleasure, generally in the range of $1.99 to $12.99.

 

So there he sat.  And the stars grinned like naked daggers.  (loc. 401)

    I noticed only a couple of typos in Night’s Master: except/accept, wreck/wreak, and back/black.  I suspect these crept in when the book was converted into digital format.

 

    Amazingly, I didn’t note any cusswords in the text.  I can’t remember the last time that happened in a dark fantasy book.  There are a bunch of “intimate relations”, including those of the gay, hetero, forced, oral, and aroused varieties and occasionally involving gods with humans and dwarfs with spiders.  That last combination makes my head spin.  To be fair though, Tanith Lee alerts the reader to this degree of sexuality in her Introduction at the front of the book.

 

    Tanith Lee was a British author, which means occasionally American readers will run into strange spellings, such as travellers, grovelling, lustre, and a few others.  Curiously, both marvelous and marvellous were used.  I got the feeling that someone made an effort to Americanize the spelling for the e-book version and, for the most part, succeeded.

 

    That’s about it for the quibbles.  The Flat Earth series is an early effort by Tanith Lee (Wikipedia says she wrote more than 90 novels and 300 short stories), and I gather it is her most popular one.

 

    For me this was an interesting and well-written introduction to a fantasy world I’ve been meaning to explore for quite some time.  Alas, I’m not a big fan of anthologies, but in fairness, I knew this was one of those going in.  If Book 2, Death’s Master, crosses my path in the future, it’s even odds whether I’ll pick it up.  But if you happen to like books like 1001 Arabian Nights, then by all means give this series a try.

 

    7 Stars.  We'll close with a bit of trivia, courtesy of Wikipedia.  Night’s Master was nominated for the 1979 World Fantasy Award – Best Novel.   It didn’t win – Michael Moorcock’s Gloriana did – but to give you some idea of the competition, Stephen King’s The Stand was also nominated that year, and didn’t win either.

The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes - Neil Gaiman

   2018; 236 pages.  Volume 1 (out of 11) in the “Sandman – 30^th Anniversary Edition” series.  Full Title: Sandman Volume One: Preludes & Nocturnes.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Graphic Novel; Horror; Dark Fantasy.  Overall Rating: 9½*/10.

 

    Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite contemporary authors.  I first became acquainted with his work 16 years ago via his collaboration with Terry Pratchett in the fascinating novel, Good Omens.  Within a year-plus I’d also read his solo efforts, American Gods and Anansi Boys, both of which I consider to be masterpieces.

 

    I’ve read most of his solo novels since then, with only The Graveyard Book still on my TBR shelf.  But over the last 10 years he seems to have slowed down in his writing of full-length novels.

 

    Then I heard about his series called The Sandman.  “Aha!”, thought I, “Neil Gaiman has turned to putting out graphic novels!  Awesome!”

 

    Actually, the first volumes of his Sandman comics came out slightly before his first novels.

 

What’s To Like...

    According to Wikipedia, there were 75 issues in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman comic book series.  Preludes and Nocturnes is a 2018 re-release of the first eight comic book issues, comprised of

    1.) Sleep of the Just  (loc. 11)

    2.) Imperfect Hosts  (loc. 53)

    3.) Dream a Little Dream of Me  (loc. 77)

    4.) A Hope in Hell  (loc. 103)

    5.) Passengers  (loc. 128)

    6.) 24 Hours  (loc. 154)

    7.) Sound and Fury  (loc. 180)

    8.) The Sound of Her Wings  (loc. 205)

 

    Our protagonist goes by several names in the series, including Morpheus, the King of Dreams, Dream, and the titular Sandman.  At one point he is caught and imprisoned by a mortal who mistakenly thinks he’s captured the King of Death, which confused the daylights out of me.  The character "Death" does finally show up in the final book, and is an equally interesting character.

 

    Each of the eight books has its own storyline.  Needless to say, our hero escapes his prison early on, but is in a weakened condition and without several of his important artifacts: a pouch, a helm, and a ruby.  The overall storyline chronicles Dream’s efforts to retrieve those items.  Along the way, Neil Gaiman weaves in mythological references (such as the Hecateae), Reality “Slam Contests”, and a couple cameo appearances by other comic book stars.

 

    I read the e-book version of Preludes & Nocturnes, which is usually a clunky way to read a graphic novel.  But Kindle starts you out with a couple of tips for navigating the images on each page, and once I got the hang of things, I was amazed how smoothly things went.  Scrolling is ultra-slick, and the artwork, lettering, and storytelling are all incredible.

 

    Since this is a compilation of eight comic books, there is no discrete “ending”.  Book 8 does stop at a logical point in the saga, with a lot of the plot threads being explained and cleared up, and the stage being set for the next 67 installments in the series.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.8*/5, based on 5,823 ratings and 368 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.24*/5, based on 254,869 ratings and 8,898 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “Do you know what dreams are made of, Rosemary Kelly?”

    “Made of?  They’re just dreams.”

    “No.  They aren’t.  People think dreams aren’t real because they aren’t made of matter, of particles.  Dreams are real.  But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.

    “The ruby seems to turn them into matter.  It forces them to translate themselves into forms we can recognize in this world.

    “It also controls dreams in their raw state.  Your dreams.  Anybody’s dreams.”  (loc. 144)

 

    “You could have called me, you know.”

    “I didn’t want to worry you.”

    “I don’t believe it.  Let me tell you something, Dream.  And I’m only going to say this once, so you’d better pay attention.

    “You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered excuse for an anthropomorphic personification on this or any other plane!  An infantile, pathetic specimen!  Feeling all sorry for yourself because your little game is over, and you haven’t got the—the balls to go and find a new one!”  (loc. 214)

 

“Mother? They took my dreams away from me!”  (loc. 62)

    There’s nothing major to gripe about in Preludes & Nocturnes.  There is some cussing (10 instances in the first 25%), and a smidgen of sex and nudity, albeit those are done in a non-pornographic way.

 

    The Table of Contents either doesn’t work or is non-existent.  You can’t highlight text, but that’s because the whole e-book is scanned images of the pages from the comic books, and that's a small price to pay for the marvelous artwork and lettering.  And like any e-book consisting solely of images, this was a memory-hog on my Kindle.  Amazon lists it as eating up 811,037 KB of space.

 

    My biggest beef concerns the plethora of reissues of this series.  These include trade paperbacks, deluxe editions, 30^th Anniversary editions, Absolute Editions, annotated editions, and an Omnibus edition, all of which divide up those 75 issues in different proportions.  So even though my “Kindle 30^th Volume 1” was Issues 1-8, my “Full-Sized Paperback Volumes 2 and 3” are Issues 21-37 and Issues 38-56.   Do I hunt down something containing Issues 9-20 for the sake of completeness, or just shine it on and skip to the volumes/issues I already have? 

 

    These are all quibbles.  I’m not a big reader of Graphic Novels, yet Preludes & Nocturnes was a real treat for me, both from a storyline and an artistic angle.  Somehow, someway, Neil Gaiman is capable of adding a “Wow Factor” to any project he undertakes.

 

    9½ Stars.

Hollow City - Ransom Riggs

   2014; 428 pages.  Book 2 (out of 6) in the “Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : YA; Dark Fantasy; Time-Travel; Coming of Age.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    They are a motley crew.  Ten English children – peculiars, all of them – plus one damaged peregrine falcon are now fleeing for their lives, with deadly wights and hollowgasts in close pursuit.

 

    Oh, and there’s also one American kid with them – Jacob Portman.  He can not only see hollowgasts (something nobody else – both normal and peculiars – can do), he can sense their presence before they come into view.  That makes him very handy to have around.

 

    The falcon is a peculiar as well, a “ymbryne” to be precise, and she's none other than the children’s headmistress herself, Miss Peregrine.  Ymbrynes have the ability to shapeshift into birds and, more importantly, control and manipulate time itself.

 

    Unfortunately, ymbrynes can only do their time tricks while in human form, and at present, Miss Peregrine is stuck in her bird shape due to a broken wing.

 

    Hmm.  It looks like Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children is about to become as dead as a dozen dodo birds.

 

What’s To Like...

    For the most part, Hollow City is set in and around London in 1940, which means during World War 2 when the Germans were bombing the daylights out of England on a daily basis.  It is the second book in Ransom Riggs’ incredibly popular “Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children” series, and timewise, immediately follows the events that closed out Book One.  Surprisingly, only three days elapse between the start and finish of Hollow City.

 

    The book chronicles three interrelated plotlines: a.) getting Miss Peregrine’s wing fixed so she can change back into a human; b.) locating another ymbryne, since they’re the only ones who can heal Miss Peregrine; and c.) freeing all the other ymbrynes that are currently held captive by the evil wights.  These are daunting tasks for a bunch of kids, peculiar or not.

 

    As was true in the first book, Ransom Riggs incorporates a whole bunch of bizarre, vintage photographs into the story.  You’d think photoshopping was involved but they were taken long before the computer age, and I trust the author when he swears that they weren’t doctored in any way.  I was happy to see that these pics were included in the e-book version (I read Book One in the paperback format), and can attest that they were easily expandable and in sharp focus.    

 

    There’s a handy “Cast of Characters” in the front of the book, showing most of the peculiar children plus some associates of Jason’s.  Included are photos for each of the peculiars, along with a list of what “gift” each one has.  I frequently consulted this section to look up which peculiar could do what.

 

    There are a couple of time-jumps in Hollow City, and also a coming-of-age aspect.  Jacob experiences his first kiss, his first romance, and his first set of relationship issues.  The “Armageddon chickens” were neat, so were the gypsies, and the character named Addison is a great addition to the series, and hopefully a recurring one.

 

    The book is written in the first-person POV (Jacob’s).  There are 13 chapters covering the 397 pages of the story, which averages out to about 30 pages a chapter, but that includes a lot of space taken up by the photographs.  The cover image ties into the storyline; you can read more details about it in the second excerpt below.  The ending is suitably exciting, has a twist in it that I never saw coming, stops at a logical place and sets up Book 3.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 7,075 ratings and 3,934 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.05*/5, based on 220,005 ratings and 18,007 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I think we’re being punished.”

    “For what?” said Emma.  “We’ve been perfect angels.  Well, most of us.”

    “The sins of past lives, maybe.  I don’t know.”

    “Peculiars don’t have past lives,” said Millard.  “We live them all at once.”  (loc. 690)

 

    It made no sense that Sam’s body was functioning in any capacity.  Stranger still, her wound wasn’t even bleeding, and there was no gore or bits of entrails hanging out of it, like I knew to expect from horror movies.  Instead, Sam looked like a paper doll that had been attacked with a giant hole-punch.

    (…) “Excuse me,” [Enoch] said, crowding into their personal space, “but could you please explain how it is that you’re alive?”

    “It’s nothing serious,” Sam said.  “Although my dress may not survive.”

    “Nothing serious?!” Enoch said.  “I can see clear through you!”

    “It does smart a little,” she admitted, “but it’ll fill in in a day or so.  Things like this always do."  (loc. 3534)

 

Kindle Details…

    Hollow City presently sells for $9.99 at Amazon.   Books 1, 3, and 4 are also $9.99, while Book 5 is $8.99 and Book 6 is $11.99.  The first two e-books are also available in Graphic Novel format, and there is a “Companion Book” titled Tales of the Peculiar, which is an anthology containing 11 short stories set in the Peculiar world.  These three options are all priced at $9.99 apiece.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Huskers (n., plural) : persons who perform music or other entertainment in the street or public places for monetary donations.

 

“I love sad stories,” said Enoch.  “Especially ones where princesses get eaten by dragons and everyone dies in the end.”  (loc. 1086)

    There are some things to quibble about in Hollow City, but no show-stoppers.  There is only a smidgen of cussing (I counted a mere nine instances in the whole book, none of which were f-bombs) and don’t recall any R-rated acts.

 

    The pacing felt somewhat slow.  Wights and hollows are constantly hot on our heroes’ trail, yet we spend a fair amount of time hanging out at a menagerie, then with the gypsies, then later at a deep-freeze.

 

    We cross paths with a number of other peculiars, but a lot of them get developed, only to fade away.  The part about Cuthbert’s head seems totally extraneous.  But I think this is inevitable,  and due to Ransom Riggs diligently working as many weird photos into the story as he can.  I’m certainly glad he did so.

 

    The ending, although exciting, doesn’t tie up any of the three main plotlines.  When you compare where our band of adventurers are at the end of Book Two to where they were at the end of Book One, there’s not a lot of progress.  I wouldn’t call Hollow City a standalone story and recommend that you read the books in this series in order.

 

    8 Stars.  There are about 30 pages of “Extras” at the end of the e-book, consisting of: 1.) Photo Credits, 2.) Acknowledgements, 3.) A Conversation with Ransom Riggs, 4.) an excerpt from Book 3.  The “Conversation” is well worth reading, as it gives insight into the approach Ransom Riggs used to write Hollow City.  He also reveals some of the bizarre photographs used in the next book.  For me, they were effective teasers.

Mad About Undead You - Carl S. Plumer

   2012; 285 pages.  Full Title: Mad About Undead You: A Zombie Apocalypse Love Story.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Humorous Dark Comedy, Zombie Apocalypse, Paranormal Romance.  Overall Rating : 4*/10.

 

    There’s something strange about the people out and about on the streets of San Francisco.  Donovan Codell is sure of it.  They stink to high heaven.  They have mega-zits.  They growl at people and gnash their teeth a lot.  If they see you, they shuffle towards you.  Not very fast, but very persistently.

 

    Maybe the waiter at the coffeehouse was right.  He said you can’t drink the city’s water right now, although he didn’t say why.  But his coffeehouse will only serve you juice or natural soda.

 

    Oh well, Donovan’s not going to let the locals spoil his day.  He woke up feeling great, in no small part because he had a beautiful girl sleeping beside him.  Nothing short of a zombie apocalypse is going to ruin his mood.

 

    Funny thing about that, Donovan.

 

What’s To Like...

    The setting for Mad About Undead You is the greater San Francisco area, including everything from the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood to several of the islands in the San Francisco Bay.  Donovan and his love interest, Cathren, run all over the place, trying to avoid getting torn to pieces by hungry brain-eaters, deranged scientists, and paranoid geezers.  The subtitle is accurate, this is a Zombie Apocalypse Love Story, but the emphasis leans heavily on the Undead, not the Romance.

 

    The action is nonstop, and loaded with plenty of dei ex machina and Hulk-like abilities to keep our two protagonists from being sliced and diced and chomped and stomped.  For the most part, anyway.  There aren’t a lot of characters to keep track of, and along the way you’ll learn a little bit of French, a little bit of Spanish, and a smidgen of Anglo-Saxon English.

 

    Being a chemist, I always like it when science works its way into a story.  So the rotten-eggs “sulfur odor” was neat, although for me, it triggers a “money to be made” reflex.  The “fertilizer bomb” is indeed powerfully real – it’s what was used in the Oklahoma City bombing.  IIRC, cryogenic “frozen heads” are also a real thing; I vaguely recall reading about a scandal involving cryogenic employees allegedly kicking one of those like a soccer ball, maybe even the one belonging to MLB Hall-of-Famer Ted Williams.

 

    The music references to the Dead Kennedys, Prince’s “Purple Rain”, and Bob Marley’s “No Woman No Cry” were neat; Carl S. Plumer obviously has fine musical tastes.  You’ll learn the value of knowing how to drive a stick shift and what the verb “jonesing” means.  And if you think zombie humans are scary, just wait till you come face-to-face with zombie sharks.

 

    Mad About Undead You is a standalone novel, with short chapters: 77 of them covering the 285 pages of the e-book version.  I didn’t find a sequel, but in looking at Carl S. Plumer’s author’s page on Amazon it appears the book was re-issued with a new title, Zombie Ever After – A Satire, in 2015.  The first four chapters, shown in the “Look Inside” section on the Amazon page looked identical to Mad About Undead You.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Klatch (n.) : a social gathering, especially for coffee and conversation.  (a Yankeeism)

 

Things that Sound Dirty But Aren’t…

    “Let me get your tongue and put it on ice.”  (loc. 855)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  3.5/5 based on 29 ratings and 29 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.42/5 based on 91 ratings and 19 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    A large group of people formed a circle in the middle of the road, their backs to Donovan and Cathren.  The couple stopped, transfixed, and studied the people in the crowd.  Oozing wounds dotted the beings’ flesh.  Open sores pocked their necks, arms, backs.  Rotting skin dripped to the ground.  A couple of them had bits of bright white bone showing through, like headlights in a tunnel.

    “What’s going on?” said Cathren.  “Who are they?  They look so sick.  Are they lepers?  Are they hurt?  Should we help them?”

    “Water drinkers,” Donovan said darkly.  “Unfiltered tap water drinkers.”  (loc. 236)

 

    The brain-eaters were more than halfway down the stairs now.  Donovan aimed and squeezed the trigger.

    Nothing.  The safety was on.  Who would leave the safety on in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?

    He released the safety and tried again.

    Click.

    The zombies were almost upon him.

    Who would leave an unloaded shotgun in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?  (loc. 2745)

 

Kindle Details…

    Mad About Undead You is presently unavailable as an e-book in Amazon, but Carl S. Plumer has three other e-books at Amazon, all in the paranormal genre, and ranging in price from free to $3.99.

 

“Money is no object. (…) In other words, I have no money.”  (loc. 4811)

    Sadly, there is a lot to quibble about regarding Mad About Undead You, which accounts for the low ratings at both Amazon and Goodreads.  The book screams for a better backstory (what the heck is the military doing while zombies are running amok?) and the storytelling has way too many dei ex machina to be believable.  Other weaknesses include:

 

    Cussing.  There’s a lot of it.  I counted 20 instances in the first 10% of the e-book.  There’s nothing wrong with some well-placed cusswords, but excessive use of them is usually a cheap substitute for better writing.

 

    Similes.  They get used ad nauseam here.  In the six pages comprising Chapter 17, for example, the phrase “as if” gets used seven times.  Similes using “like” (“the heat of the doorknob stung her fingers like a serpent bite”) are also overused.

 

    Science Errors.  “HO₂” is not hydrogen peroxide.  “H₂O₂” is.  And there aren’t “over 2,000 trace elements”.  There may be thousands of compounds or molecules, but elements are limited to the 100+ that are listed in the Periodic Table.  Yes, this is nitpicky.  But I’m a chemist.

 

    The Ending.  It’s unsatisfying.  The story ends abruptly with our heroes conveniently finding a haven that’s too good to be believable, and is temporary at best.  Neither the zombie apocalypse nor the health of our protagonists are resolved.  But to be fair, at least it wasn’t a cliffhanger.

 

    Despite all this, I still enjoyed this book.  Donovan and Cathren are interesting characters, and any scenario with hordes of zombies running all over San Francisco is going to be entertaining.  But Mad About Undead You is in bad need of a major rewrite.  And don’t tell me that I’m missing the point, that it’s supposed to be a satire that’s not to be taken seriously.  Satires still need to be coherent and well-written.

 

    4 Stars.  One last thing.  The book cover shown in my Kindle shows a girl’s face with a raven (or crow) in the background.  A google search failed to come up with a single hit for this image.  Instead, the book cover shown above come up, and IMHO, it gives a much better idea about the tone of Mad About Undead You.  But it amazes me that the original Kindle cover image has completely disappeared from the Internet.

Pan's Labyrinth - Cornelia Funke & Guillermo del Toro

   2019; 262 pages.  New Authors? : Yes and Yes.  Genres : Dark Fantasy; Historical Fiction (Spanish Civil War); YA; Fairy Tales.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    It should’ve been one of the happiest days in 13-year-old Ofelia’s life.  She and her mother are on their way to meet up with the man who will become Ofelia’s stepfather, Captain Ernesto Vidal.

 

    It’s a dangerous undertaking for her mother, Carmen Cardoso.  She’s both sick and pregnant, but the baby is Vidal’s, and is almost due.  Urgent times require urgent measures, and Carmen is overjoyed at the thought of marrying Vidal, whom she loves dearly.

 

    Ofelia is less enamored.  Captain Vidal cares only about the son that’s about to be born to him, and once that happens, Ofelia’s afraid she’ll become unwanted baggage.  Maybe some handsome prince will come along, sweep her off her feet, and carry her off to his magical castle.

 

    But that’s just a young girl’s fairy tale dream, isn’t it?  And Ofelia’s mother says fairy tales don’t have anything to do with the world.

 

    Ofelia knows better, though.  She 's a bookworm and those fairy tales she’s read in her books have taught her everything she knows about this world.

 

What’s To Like...

    Pan’s Labyrinth is an ambitious blending of the Historical Fiction and Dark Fantasy genres.  It is set in 1944 northern Spain, at the height of the bitter Spanish Civil War, with Captain Vidal commanding a small group of royalist troops holding an abandoned mill against an equally-sized band of rebels.  The Dark Fantasy aspect is …well… quite dark.  There are magical creatures, they have their own agenda, and while Ofelia is a key part of that, her well-being takes a backseat to the completion of their task.

 

    There are three storylines to follow.  1.) Carmen desperately wants to marry again; it is a dangerous time to be a lone adult female with child; 2.)  Captain Vidal desperately wants to uphold his late father’s legacy by wiping out the rebels; 3.) Ofelia enters Pan’s Labyrinth and agrees to complete three tasks, the usual number in every fantasy tale she's read.

 

    The book is divided into 49 chapters, plus a prologue and epilogue.  That works out to about 5 pages per chapter, so you never have to worry about finding a good place to stop.  There are some neat drawings along the way, and credit should be given to the gifted illustrator, Allen Williams.

 

    You’ll learn a smattering of Spanish vocabulary and one neat Latin phrase, which is given below.  I liked the way the “Book of Crossroads” that the Faun gives to Ofelia works.  There is some violence – people are killed and some torture - but hey, there’s a war going. The cussing a sparse;  I think I counted only ten instances in the entire book, two of them in Spanish.

 

    The ending is bittersweet, powerful, undeniably dark, and rather clever.  I found it surprising, despite it being what you could call a standard fairy tale ending.  All the plot threads are tied up.  I don’t see that a sequel is called for, although Wikipedia indicates that Guillermo del Toro contemplated one for a while but later abandoned the idea.

 

Excerpts...

    It was time to fulfill the task for which she’d been sent to the mill.  She fluttered toward the girl with her new wings and addressed her with vehemence.  Come along! She gestured, giving her signal all the urgency her master’s orders demanded.  He wasn’t the most patient one.

    “You want me to follow you?  Outside?  Where?”

    So many questions.  Humans asked them about everything, but they usually weren’t half as good at finding the answers.  (loc. 476)

 

    Maybe the Faun had heard about those books.  He usually didn’t come to Caraméz’s workshop.  The Faun didn’t believe in books.  He was much older than the oldest manuscripts in the queen’s library and could rightfully claim that he knew so much more about the world than all their yellowed pages.  But one day he suddenly stood in the door of the bookbinder’s workshop.  Caraméz was slightly afraid of the Faun.  He was never sure whether he could trust those pale blue eyes.  In fact, he wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that Fauns eat bookbinders.  (loc. 1784)

 

Kindle Details…

    Pan’s Labyrinth currently sells for $9.99 at Amazon.  Cornelia Funke has a dozen or more other e-books available at Amazon; most or all of which appear to be children’s fantasy novels, and in the price range of $3.99 to $10.99.  Guillermo del Toro has seven other e-books at Amazon, all with co-authors.  I’m guessing that means for the most part, he wrote the screenplay and the co-authors “novelized” it.

 

Ratings:

    Amazon: 4.8*/5, based on 458 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.30*/5, based on 7,095 ratings and 1,429 reviews.

 

“In consiliis nostris fatum nostrum est.”  ("In our choices lie our fate.")  (loc. 158 )

    I can only come up with one thing to quibble about, and it’s something the authors have no control over: the genres listed at Amazon for this book are totally bogus.  One of them reads “United States Colonial and Revolutionary Period Historical Fiction”.  I think someone forgot to edit their cut-&-paste step when developing the Amazon blurb.  Really guys, doesn’t anyone double-check these things?

 

    Pan’s Labyrinth originally came out as a movie in 2006, and I remember being blown away when I watched it, along with just about every critic who reviewed it. This book version came out in 2019, and I can’t think of any other case where a book adaptation was published more than ten years after the movie.  I don’t recall much of the details in the movie version, although I thought that the fantasy storyline played a bigger role in it.  I think I’ll check to see if Netflix carries it.

 

    Regardless, I highly recommend both the book and the movie.  Amazon lists it as a “Teen and Young Adult” book, and I’ll go along with that, adding that adults will enjoy it as well.  But it's probably too violent for sensitive juveniles.

 

    8 Stars.  I’m assuming that the listing of two authors means that Guillermo del Toro wrote the movie script and Cornelia Funke converted it into novel form.  The value of Ms. Funke’s effort cannot be overstated.  I’ve read a couple other “adapted from a movie script” books where it was done in a cursory manner, and frankly, reading those books was a real chore.