You Are Doomed (Sign Here Please) - Andrew Stanek

   2016; 245 pages.  New Author? : No.  Full Title: You Are Doomed (Sign Here Please): The Legally Required Third Installment.  Book 3 (out of 7) in the “You Are Dead” series.  Genres : Humorous Fantasy; Absurdism.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

 

    Fresh from a successful parrying of the evil plans of the Afterlife bureaucrats, Nathan Haynes is moving on from his hometown of Dead Donkey, Nevada.  He’s boarded a bus, eager for adventure, and is headed to Las Vegas.  But he needs to watch out for Afterworld hitmen, who may even be on the bus already, disguised as fellow passengers.  After all, Nathan has been murdered eight times over the last couple days.

 

    Let’s see now.  The bus driver is a big, burly sour-tempered guy, so that seems normal.  To Nathan’s right, a little boy and girl are engrossed in video games.  Behind him, two old ladies are knitting together.  Actually one is knitting while the other one unknits her efforts.  There’s also a crazy man in a poncho who says he’s a serial killer.  And a wild-eyed fisherman who keeps saying “storm’s a-comin’ ”.  There's also a lumberjack carrying a huge axe.  Nearby are an engineer and a philosopher, who can, and do, argue about life, the universe, and everything else.  Finally, there’s an economist who can, and will, tell you why anything that happens is bad for the stock market.

 

    All in all, just a bunch of normal people heading to Las Vegas on a bus.  Nathan’s got nothing to worry about, right?

 

What’s To Like...

    You Are Doomed (Sign Here Please) is the third book in Andrew Stanek’s You Are Dead series, and takes place immediately after the events in Book 2, You Are a Ghost (Sign Here Please), which is reviewed here.

 

    The plotline structure is pretty much the same as in the previous two books.  The bureaucratic executives of the Afterworld, Director Fulcher and Overdirector Powell, once again try to trap Nathan into signing the infamous Form 21B.  Killing Nathan (Book 1) didn’t persuade him to sign; neither did turning him into a ghost (Book 2).  This time they use a “Doom” curse on him.

 

    Once again, the strengths of the storyline are the witty dialogue, Nathan’s unflappably optimistic outlook on life, and Andrew Stanek’s keen insights into all sorts of topics, among which are the necessity of committees, memorandums, and the filling out forms to do anything in the universe.

 

    I liked that the author is also not afraid to render opinions on hot topics, such as anti-vaxxers, nuclear stockpiles, global warming.  The friction between Particularly Cynical Atheists the Slightly Less Cynical Atheists, and the American Society of Skeptics had me chuckling out loud.  Being a chemist, I liked the musings on the bureaucracy exhibited by Hydrogen atoms.  Ditto for the use of physics (Newton’s Third Law of Doom) to counter Nathan’s curse.

 

    The ending is fittingly ridiculous, with a plethora of convenient circumstances and bureaucratic loopholes all leading to Nathan yet again avoiding signing off on Form 21B.  This is not a criticism since the book’s tone is unashamedly Absurdist.  Gregor Samsa of Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis would totally empathize with Nathan's situation.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.2/5 based on 401 ratings and 45 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.06/5 based on 212 ratings and 14 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “But Director,” he said, wringing his hands helplessly, “if your superior catches me trying to steal from her, she’ll turn my skull into a cane!  I should explain that Overdirector Powell turns the skulls of her enemies–“

    “Yes, I know that already,” Fulcher said, cutting off one of Ian’s lengthy tirades before it started.  “But she’ll also turn our heads into skulls if we fail to get Haynes’ file in order, and for that we need the backdating device.  You, Ian, are my most loyal subordinate–“

    “No I’m not,” Ian said, terrified.

    “Alright, then.  Allow me to rephrase.  You, Ian, are my most expendable subordinate.”  (loc. 1008)

 

    “I heard you saying that you’d like to be a flight attendant a minute ago, and it would really mean a lot to me.”

    “Sure, I’d love to help,” Nathan said cheerily.  He stood up.  “What should I do?”

    “Well, first, you need to stop the captain from sneaking into the liquor supply.”

    “Hey, if people didn’t want me to guzzle the alcohol, they should have made drinking and driving illegal,” the pilot said.

    “They did,” Brian said, his voice now slurring as he drank down more cola.

    “More illegal, then,” the pilot said.  (loc. 3165)

 

Kindle Details…

    You Are Doomed (Sign Here Please) sells for $0.99 at Amazon right now, the same price as all the other books in the series.  Andrew Stanek has several more fantasy series for you, and just recently published a non-fiction biography of his father.  All his e-books are priced at $0.99, and occasionally discounted to free.

 

“Have you found anything to indicate there might be any positive economic impacts from the bus falling off the cliff?”  “Yes.”  (loc. 3395)

    The profanity in You Are Doomed (Sign Here Please) is pleasantly sparse, which was true for the first two books in the series as well.  I noted just seven cusswords in the whole book, most of them “hell”.

 

    There were a few typos, such as effect/affect, payed/paid, filed/filled, but not enough to be distracting.  The (presumably) erroneous reference to Overdirector Fulcher, which occurred twice, did make my reading mind stumble a bit, though, as I don’t think he was promoted.

 

   My biggest quibble was with the thin plot.  Nathan is tasked with finding a way to counter the Doom curse, and then carrying it out.  This turns into a “needle in a haystack” challenge, which he overcomes without even seriously impacting his journey to Las Vegas.  Yes, this is forgivable since this is an Absurdist tale, but still, the book would be even better if there was a more engaging plotline.

 

    Nonetheless, I enjoyed YAD(SHP).  Its wit and musings override the plotline quibbles, and kept me entertained from beginning to end.  It is an ideal beach- or airport-read, fast-paced, yet manages somehow to be both thought-provoking and humorous.

 

    7 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point a transportation device called a Suborbital Rocket-Powered Unicycle is utilized.  I need to get me one of those!