The Pincers of Death - Toby Frost

   2017; 320 pages.  Book 6 (out of 6) in the “Space Captain Smith” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Science Fiction; Space Opera; British Empire; Steampunk.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    For Captain Smith and the ragtag crew on the John Pym, it’s do-or-die time.  Literally.  They, and the rest of the forces of the British Space Empire, are about to take on the ghastly Ghast Empire for control of the universe, and neither side intends to take prisoners.  The allies of the Ghasts – the Lemming Men, the Edenites, etc. – have been vanquished in earlier books in the series; now it’s time to squash the final foe like a bunch of bugs.  Which seems fitting since the Ghasts are a super-evolved version of ants.

 

    Of course the Ghasts have all the usual advantages that any evil space empire comes with: overwhelming manpower (okay, bugpower), overwhelming spaceship superiority, and an insanely psychopathic leader who calls himself “Number One”.

 

    But the British Space Empire has some potent weapons of their own.  First of all, they have tea, and we all know that’s the fuel that drives the British Empire.  Second, they have “moral fiber” – er, “moral fibre” – and that has to be worth something, right?  Finally, they have a leader, Major Wainscott, who loves to show his fortitude (and other things) by dropping his pants at the start of any armed conflict.  Actually, he likes to drop his drawers for any reason he can think of.

 

    So the battle lines are drawn, both sides have made their preparations, and there’s just one more detail to take care of before commencing the hostilities:

 

    To play a series of rugby-like matches in the gladiatorial arena, culminating in the championship “Hyperbowl” game, played on genuine galactoturf.  Because that will certainly demonstrate the value of “moral fibre”.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Pincers of Death is the sixth, and apparently final book in Toby Frost’s great steampunk sci-fi spoof series, Space Captain Smith.  The title refers to Number One’s personal group of praetorian guards.  If you’re reading these books in order, be assured that Book Six is just as witty, wacky, and snarky as the preceding five.

 

    All your favorite characters are back, both good and evil, including Suruk the Slayer, Rhianna the Flower Child, Wainscott the Flasher, Number One the Vainglorious, and 462 the dog lover (well, “ant-hound lover anyway”).  But there’s a bevy of new characters as well, most notably the Straalian Bush Captain Shane and his kangaram Rippy for the good guys, and the Criminarch of Radishia for the baddies.  The Criminarch is a clever portrayal of an American president; you can read the book to find out which one.

 

    As usual, the text includes numerous literary and music references.  In the first category, there are nods to Samuel Beckett, T.S. Eliot, Noel Coward & Oscar Wilde, and George Bernard Shaw.  In the second, the nods go to Bach, Kate Bush, Minnie Riperton (who?), Frederick of Mercury (LOL), and the little-remembered folk group (except by Toby Frost and me), Fairport Convention.  Toby and I are also probably the only ones who remember the old TV series The Prisoner, which also gets worked into the storyline.

 

    The Pincers of Death is written in English, not American, so in addition to the quiff and saveloy cited below, you’ll find strange words like tosser, troppo, doo-lally, smalls (undies), scoffing (scarfing), boffin, and skewiff.

 

    The ending is remarkably exciting for a sci-fi spoof story, and includes several nice twists.  A short epilogue closes things out, which I thought was done quite well.  The Pincers of Death is both a standalone novel and the finale in the series.  I read these books in order, but I don’t think that's absolutely necessary.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Quiff (n.) : a piece of hair, especially on a man, brushed upward and backward from the forehead (a Britishism).

Others: Saveloy (n., and another Britishism).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 41 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.11/5 based on 46 ratings and 10 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    “When you meet the Criminarch, there will be a moment, a brief moment, when you will be close enough to attack Number One and snap his scrawny neck.”

    “And then?  How will I escape without being shot.”

    “Well, you won’t.”

    “Right,” Smith said.  “I see.  That’s a bit of a flaw in your plan, isn’t it?”

    “Not really.”  (loc. 1411)

 

    Suruk approached.  “Friends, the time for war is upon us.  Less yakking, more hacking.  You look troubled, Piglet.  Fear not.  Tomorrow, we will stand among the heroes of the Space Empire.  And if you die, which is reasonably likely, think of the welcome your ancestors will give you in the afterlife.”

    “I’m a robot, Suruk.  My ancestors were typewriters and word processors.”  (loc. 3872)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Pincers of Death is presently priced at $3.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $7.99.  Toby Frost has five other e-books at Amazon, parts of two other series.  These range in price from $3.99 to $16.99.

 

“Time to float like a butterfly and sting like a melting clock, as Muhammad Dali would say.”  (loc. 1659)

    The quibbles are few.  The first half of the book is all about the athletic meet; while the second half is devoted to the final battle.  But those two threads don’t have much to do with each other.  I kind of got the feeling that these were two separate novellas that the author stitched together at a later date.  But hey, it works, so what’s there to complain about?

 

    There’s an annoying issue with italicizing text for no apparent reason and which occurs sporadically throughout the book.  But that’s a technical glitch, not a literary one.  Finally, reading prudes should note that there’s a small amount of mild cussing, mostly confined to the words hell and damn although d**khead gets used once.  There’s also one roll in the hay and a character who frequently partakes of something called Martian red weed.  Overall though, I thought this was a “clean” story.

 

    I found The Pincers of Death to be every as enjoyable as the other books in this series.  I never felt like the storyline was going stale, and Toby Frost's sense of wit and humor resonated with me.  I should give a quick shout-out to my local library for carrying the first two e-books in this series, which is how I discovered Captain Isambard Smith and Company.  I was hooked after those two tales.

 

    8 Stars.  Here are a couple more things you'll learn by reading The Pincers of Death.  1.) What reaction occurs when you mix a large amount of Supercola with a large amount of Imperial Mintats.  2.) What Captain Smith’s favorite magazine is.  3.) Why Charlie Chaplin walked like a penguin.

End of Empires - Toby Frost

    2014; 352 pages.  Book 5  (out of 6) in the Space Captain Smith series  New Author? : No.  Genre : Sci-Fi Spoof; Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    The battle lines are drawn.  On one side is the indomitable British Space Empire.  On the other, the invincible Great Galactic Happiness and Friendship Collective, otherwise known as the Yulls.  The battleground is set: Ravanar, a territory that’s not native to either side.  It is populated by the meek and lowly Beetle People, and who cares about them?

    The Yulls are more commonly known as the Lemming Men.  They’re fearsome, ruthless, and countless in number.  They function as of One Mind.  As long as that Mind doesn’t tell them to go jump off a cliff, their numerical superiority and fighting prowess can win any battle.

    But the British are not without their own resources, most notably access to that superlatively restorative potion: tea.  And of course, they also have Space Captain Isambard Smith and his trusty crew of his ship, the John Pym.

    So let the fighting begin!  And let’s try to have it finished before 4 o'clock in the afternoon  Because there’s no excuse for missing tea time due to some empire-ending cosmic duel to the death.

What’s To Like...

    If you wish that the Monty Python troupe would have tried their hand at writing Star Trek episodes, then you’re going to love End of Empires.  Every page is filled with madcap antics, smoothly blended with an epic kill-or-be-killed scenario.

    Readers of the series will be happy to know all the ship-crew regulars are back, including the psychic hippie chick Rhianna Mitchell, the I’ll-try-anything robot Polly Carveth, and my personal favorite, Suruk the Slayer.  Most of the secondary characters are also present, including the master-spy “W”, Major “The Ghost Who Walks in Shorts” Wainscott, Susan (whose main task is to make sure Wainscott at least has shorts on), and Polly’s Android love-interest, Rick Dreckitt.

    There’s a bevy of beasties to deal with beyond Beetles and Lemmings.  The Ghasts have only a peripheral presence and the Edenites are missing entirely, but there are wallahbots, shadars, ravnaphants, maneaters, and cute little ponies to take their place.  I especially liked meeting some of Suruk’s M’Lak family and fellow-warriors, and was happy that even Gerald the Hamster gets to play a brief-but-key role.

    The book is written in English, not American, so you have tiffins and piffles, storeys and pyjamas, todgers and selotape, etc.  Classical rock nods abound, including Pink Zeppelin, The Doors, and some clever take-offs of Jimi Hendrix (called “Jimmy Horlicks” here) lyrics and titles.  I was especially impressed that Gustav Holst’s magnum opus, ”The Planets” was also cited.

    The ending is suitably exciting and action-packed. Some of its events are over-the-top, but that’s okay when you’re emulating Monty Python.  There are just a couple of cusswords and a few allusions to adult situations, but that’s okay when you’re writing Space Opera.

Kewlest New Word...

Parp (v.) : to make a honking sound like a horn.

Others : Clottish (adj.).

Excerpts...

    “You there!  Stop this nonsense or there’ll be trouble!”

    Half a dozen bullets answered him.  Ducking back, Smith reflected that this might be more difficult than he’d thought.

    “It’s the Sweeney!” a voice cried from inside.  “If you want to barney, filth, I’ve got a heater waiting for you!”

    “Sorry,” Smith called back.  “I didn’t understand a word of that.”

    “Naff off!” came the reply.  “I’m bleedin’ do you, you slag!” shouted the thug.  (loc. 740)

    “My unit has been infiltrated by an individual known only as the egg-man.  This whole mission was a white elephant from the start … or a white rabbit … or a pink elephant, on parade.  My god … they set the controls for the heart of the sun, they sent us two thousand light years from home, dropped out of orbit eight miles high … like a squid, fast and bulbous!  They’re coming to take me away!”  (loc. 2178)

Kindle Details...

    End of Empires sells for $4.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series are all in the $3.99-$7.99 price range.  Toby Frost offers several other e-books at Amazon, ranging in price from $3.99 to $9.99.

“I was hallucinating,” he gasped.  “Thank God you’re here, Emily Bronte.”  (loc. 3831)

    The only thing I can quibble about is the book’s structure.  The Table of Contents divides it into three parts (11 chapters total), but really, it felt like three separate novellas, all strung together to make a suitably full-length book. 

    Briefly, the three parts are:

Part One: Investigate a subversive plot and play some Warro.

Part Two: Retrieve Major Wainscott and get him to put some pants on.

Part Three: Find the Relics of Grimdall and fight the Lemming Men.

    This sort of literary patchwork usually fails, and it is perhaps an indication of Toby Frost’s writing skills that here, for me, it somehow worked nicely.

    8 Stars.  End of Empires is the fifth, and penultimate, book in this series.  The final tale, Pincers of Death, resides on my Kindle, awaiting my attention.  It was released almost two years ago, in November 2017.  If indeed this is a completed series, I for one will miss Isambard Smith and his wacky cohorts.

A Game of Battleships - Toby Frost

    2013; 320 pages.  Book Four  (out of 5) in the Space Captain Smith series  New Author? : No.  Genre : Sci-Fi Spoof; Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    The cosmos needs saving!  Again.

    The forces of Evil: The Yull, the Lemming Men, the ant-like Ghasts, and the religiously-loco Edenites have joined forces, albeit uneasily, to conquer the galaxy and rid it of all that is good, including the British Space Empire and its tea.

    The good guys can use all the help they can get, even from the incredibly advanced, but creepily non-corporeal Vorl.  They’ve arranged a peace conference to attempt to sway the Vorl to their side, and the number one fear is an incursion by the bad guys, especially since it seems that one of the baddies has developed a lethal spaceship with a super-effective cloaking device.  And said warship just mauled a convoy of space freighters that was being protected by our hero, Captain Isambard Smith.

    Hey, Smith.  How’d you like to get another crack at that cloaked-up dreadnaught?

    Yes, we thought so.

What’s To Like...

    After a four-year hiatus following Book 3 (reviewed here), reportedly to successfully pursue a law degree, Toby Frost comes back with another solid addition to the Space Captain Smith series.  All of Smith’s crew are here, including the M’Lak headhunter Suruk, the android pilot Polly Carveth, the 25^th-century flower-child Rhianna, and my favorite MacGuffin, Gerald the hamster.  Ditto for everyone from the British spy cadre – Major Wainscott, “W”, Susan, and bounty hunter extraordinaire Rick Dreckitt.

    Frost also introduces us to a bunch of new characters, among them Captain Felicity Fitzroy (look out, Rhianna!) and the mysterious and charismatic Le Fantome.  Quite a few new peeps are thrown at the reader at the start of the book, but I think that’s a plus in that it shows that the author isn’t just rehashing past tales. 

    There are three main plotlines.  Smith chases the cloaked warship; Wainscott protects the peace conference, and the baddies make plans to disrupt it.  Everything converges seamlessly.  The Ghasts are back, but they play a lesser role here, which I thought was a good move.  It’s always kewl to do battle with new Black Hats.

    A Game of Battleships is written in English, as opposed to “American”, and that always makes for entertaining reading.  There’s a slew of puns, and plays-on-words, which is the main reason I love this series.  A bunch of these involved the French language (“someone regretting Ryan”), which was an added treat.  I also liked the various tips-of-the-hat, including ones to Kraftwerk, Asterix, and Dave-&-Hal, they of 2001: A Space Odyssey fame.

    There really aren’t any slow spots, which is a Toby Frost trademark.  A Game of Battleships is a standalone novel, as well Book 4 of what appears to be a 5-volume series.  See Kindle Details, below.

Kewlest New Word...

Nobble (v.) : to obtain dishonestly; to steal.  (informal, a Britishism)

Others : Aspidistra (n.); Scrumpy (n.); Smalls (n., plural, a Britishism, informal); Lidar (n.).

Excerpts...

    “Status report, revised,” she announced.  “We’re stuffed.”  She closed the logbook and sat down.

    “Any details?” Smith asked.

    “Alright then.  Basically, I’d say we’ve passed the stage of being merely inconvenienced and are now moving into the realm of being totally buggered.  Should the buggeration continue, I’m anticipating us losing not just paddle but canoe very shortly, leaving us floundering helplessly in the filthy rapids of a certain malodorous creek.”  (loc. 397)

    “Many years ago, when I was a mere spawn, impressionable and technically incapable of criminal responsibility, the elders of my tribe told me of a land beyond the great waterfall that plummets over the cliffs of Bront.  He who recited the correct charm and then leaped through the waters, would emerge in a land of wonders.  So I travelled for nine days, until the waters were in sight.

    Speaking the charm, I sprang through the waterfall.”

    ”What did you see?”

    “Stars, Mazuran.  I knocked myself out on the cliff.  The elders were lying through their mandibles.”  (loc. 2826)

Kindle Details...

    A Game of Battleships sells for $4.99 at Amazon.  The other four books in the series go for $4.99-$7.99.  The latest book in the series, End of Empires, was published in 2014.  I suspect it is the series’ finale.  Toby Frost issued Straken, the first e-book in a new series called Astra Militarum in 2016, and co-wrote a second book, titled eponymously, in that series last year as well.  But they are both only available for the Kindle at Amazon-UK, and neither has garnered any reviews yet.  Straken is available at Amazon as a paperback, but it goes for $16.00.  There are no reviews for that version either.

“Do you know Beethoven’s Ninth?”  “Really?  At what?”  (loc. 777)

    The ending was good, but not great.  It had an interesting twist to it, but I felt like I’d seen it used before in other stories, and it seemed a somewhat awkward fit here. 

    The big problem with A Game of Battleships is the formatting.  Typos abound, especially of two types: possessives and words with double L’s.  I tend to blame the publisher, Myrmidon Books, not the author for this.  Since my library carries the first three books in this series, I presume Toby Frost did not self-publish this.

    One typo that deserves special mention was the word “teachest”.  This should of course be two words: “tea chest” (but maybe it’s a single word in “British-speak”?), yet my mind kept trying to make it the superlative form of the word “teach”.  Talk about a brain freeze.

    It reminded me of a book I read years ago, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues (reviewed here), which contained the presumably valid word “mambaskin”.  Which means the skin of a certain snake.  But my brain kept trying to make it “mam baskin”, evidently a weird flavor at our local ice cream parlor.  Needless to say, this also resulted in a brain fart.

    7½ Stars.  If you liked the first three books in the series, you’ll not be disappointed in this one.

Wrath of the Lemming Men - Toby Frost

    2009; 320 pages.  Book 3 (out of 5) of The Chronicles of Isambard Smith.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Sci-Fi Spoof; Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    The intergalactic war rages on, with the heroic British Space Empire and the M’Lak on one side, and the dastardly Ghasts and Yull on the other.  The two sides are pretty evenly matched.  A new ally in either camp would probably tip the scales of the conflict.

   Hey, how about the Vorl?  Those creepy-crawly, ghost-like beings would make good partners for the good guys.  Or excellent ectoplasmic hybridizing material for the bad guys.  There's a problem though – no one’s exactly sure where the Vorl hang out.  Ghosts are funny that way.

    But wait a minute, isn’t one of Captain Smith’s space crew half Vorl?  Why don’t we send them out on a search-and-sweet-talk mission?

    Just make sure the baddies don’t catch wind of what we’re up to.

What’s To Like...

    The Yull, introduced in the previous book in the series (reviewed here) now take the center stage.  Their legions are fearless, relentless, and almost unbeatable unless you can somehow maneuver them to the edge of a cliff, where they have this strange urge to jump into oblivion.  Rodent-like in appearance, the moniker “Lemming Men” is a natural fit.

   All of Smith’s crew – Rhianna, Polly, Suruk, and Gerald the Hamster are back, along with the other white-hats Dreckitt, “W”,and Wainscott.  The latter has a new assistant, Susan, who's someone you don’t want to square off against on the battlefield.  I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of her down the line.

    There are new worlds to visit, new critters to encounter, and lots of fighting, bloodshed, and zipping around space.  As always, humor and wit are heaped atop the action and adventure.  When’s the last time you read a sci-fi story featuring an amusement park?

    There are some neat (and sometimes obscure) cultural references as well, among them Men Without Hats’ “The Safety Dance”, the musicians Stephane Grappelli and Django Reinhardt, and a lesson on how to play the utterly incomprehensible game of Cricket.  A father is lost; a father is found.  The focus is on Suruk quite a bit, and for me, he’s the real star of the series.

    Wrath of the Lemming Men is a fun, fast-paced, easy-to-read standalone  novel, with just a smattering of adult situations and language.

Kewlest New Word...

Shufty (n.) : a quick look; a peep.  (a Britishism)

Others : Benighted (adj.)

Excerpts...

    Suruk had been staring across the bar, watching Carveth drink.  Smith leaned over to him.  “Everything alright, Suruk?”

    “I think so.  The little woman is drinking a pint of beer through a straw.  She has powerful lungs, Mazuran; no doubt she would be well suited to playing the euphemism.”

    “You mean euphonium.”

    “I am not sure I do,” Suruk said.   (loc. 2098)

    “Now, would you care for some music to assist you in sleeping?”  Suruk pulled out a handful of records from the shelf.  “Let us see . . . Beethoven’s Ninth, Shostakovitch Moods, Stockhausen’s Greatest Melodies . . .”

    “Haven’t you got anything a bit less classical?”

    “I have Anthrax.”

    “Thanks for sharing.  What about your Minnie Ripperton records?”

    Suruk raised an eyebrow-ridge.  “You listen to war music in bed?  No wonder you are so strange.”  (loc. 3597)

Kindle Details...

    Wrath Of The Lemming-Men sells for $7.99 at Amazon.  The other four e-books in the series all sell for $4.99 apiece.  I am at a loss to say why this one costs $3 more.

“I will have vengeance, or I will have kittens!”  (loc. 3314)

    There are a couple quibbles.  The plotline felt a bit “forced”.  Before seeking out the Vorl, Smith and company first investigate an alleged smuggling-to-the-enemy operation., and lo and behold, it gives them a key clue into locating the spectral species.  I know this is space opera, but still.

    Also, the overall formula for book 3 is almost identical to that of book 2.  Fly around, visit a few new planets, get chased by the bad guys, and kick their fat stercoriums (stercoria?) in a climactic clash.  Is this all there is to this series (in which case the books can be read in any order), or is there a larger story about cosmic conquest that is proceeding with Robert Jordanesque slowness?  It would be good to know before getting too hooked on the series.

    7½ Stars.  Let’s be clear, Wrath of the Lemming Men is still an entertaining read, and well worth the time of anyone who enjoys their Science Fantasy laced with both humor and excitement.  But please tell me this is all heading somewhere.

God Emperor of Didcot - Toby Frost

    2009; 320 pages.  Book 2 (out of 5) of The Chronicles of Isambard Smith.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Sci-Fi Spoof; Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    The 25^th-Century British Space Empire is facing utter ruin.  A Ghast invasion of the planet Urn is imminent, and Urn supplies the empire with its most valuable commodity.  Tea.

    Tea?  Yes, tea.  For it, and it alone, is responsible for the very moral fiber of each British subject.  Cut off the supply, and the British Empire becomes just another tribe of savages.

    Someone has to be sent to resist the Ghastian hordes.  Someone dashing.  Someone resourceful.  Someone …erm… expendable.

    Someone like Captain Isambard Smith.

What’s To Like...

    If you read the first book in this series (reviewed here) and liked it, you’ll enjoy God Emperor of Didcot just as much.  There’s lots of fighting, blood, and insectoid gore, and about the same amount of jokes about pooping, peeing, sex, and body parts.  Somehow, Toby Frost manages to keep it from getting boringly repetitive.  There really aren’t any slow spots, and it gushes with wit and humor.

    All of Smith's crew are back, as well as a couple of the main baddies from the first book.  But there are also a bunch of new people and races to meet, plus several new planets to visit, including the world of Suruk’s people.  Suruk has been away for a while.  Things have changed.

    The plotline is a bit more focused and a lot more epic this time around.  But the humor still takes center stage.  And despite the abundance of laughs and snickers, a serious theme underlies the storyline: theocracies are never good.

    As in any Space Opera, there is some sex and some cusswords.  This is a standalone novel, although I happen to be reading the books in order.  As always, the standard “series caveat” applies.  The ending sets up the next book, wherein the Lemming men of Yull apparently will be spotlighted.

Kewlest New Word...

Nous (n.) : common sense; practical intelligence.  (a Britishism, and pronounced “noose”)

Others : Faffing (v.); Scag (v.); Louche (adj.); Chthonian (adj.)

Excerpts...

    Carveth leaned over him and lifted the headphones away.  “Pink Zeppelin?” she inquired.

    “Mordor Woman Blues,” Smith said.  How’s things in the control room?”

    “Dunno – I’m not there, am I?”  She looked at the headphones.  “I never got prog rock.  Can’t see what’s so progressive about singing about a wizard for half an hour, myself.  If you ask me, anyone stupid enough to set the controls for the heart of the sun gets what he deserves.”  (loc. 186)

    He left the kitchen.  Another door branched off the corridor; it seemed to lead to a lavatory.  He approached the door.  There was a sign on the door.  It said, “Please leave this toilet in the same state as you found it.”

    How absurd.  What kind of fool would find a toilet, presumably needing a wee, and leave it still needing a wee?  (loc. 3187)

Kindle Details...

    God Emperor of Didcot sells for $4.99 at Amazon, as do three of the other four books in the series.  For some reason, Book 3, Wrath of the Lemming Men, sells for $7.99.

“Isambard," Rhianna said, …, did you just try to protect me from a dragon with a penknife?”  (loc. 3352)

    God Emperor of Didcot is an obvious spoof of the fourth book in Frank Herbert’s Dune series, God Emperor of Dune.   Here, tea takes the place of spice; and sun dragons take the place of sand worms.  There are probably more tie-ins, but thankfully I only read the first three Dune books before giving up on the series.

    The truth be told, I thought Dune was fantastic; Dune Messiah was somewhat boring; and Children of Dune was absolute drudgery.  I also read one of the spinoffs, Dune – Battle of Corrin, written by Brian Herbert and Kevin Anderson, and which happens to be the first book review I ever posted on a blog.  The review is here.

    I have no idea what Toby Frost thinks of the Dune books, but any spoof of it is a plus in my book, and I’m really enjoying his series so far.

    8½ Stars.  The series has kept its freshness and clever humor through the first two books.  We’ll see if that extends to Book 3 as well.

Space Captain Smith - Toby Frost

    2008; 320 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Book #1 (out of 5) in the Chronicles of Isambard Smith series.  Genre : Sci-Fi Spoof; Space Opera.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    The Ghasts are coming!  They’re big, mean, ugly, and antlike; and they’re out to conquer the universe.  You could call them ghastly, but that would be too obvious.

    Set in the 25^th-century British Empire, Isambard Smith is itching to do his part in thwarting the Ghasts’ plans.  And he’s about to get his chance in the form of captaining a spaceship named the John Pym, and transporting a woman to one of the Empire's star bases.  Smith hasn’t been given any reason for this mission, but surely it must be so important to the cause that it rates a need-to-know status.

    But be careful, newly-promoted Space Captain Isambard Smith.  In the past, your superiors haven’t shown much confidence in you.  They may have ulterior motives for sending you out in the rattletrap John Pym, into a sector where space monsters prowl, and Ghast warships patrol.

What’s To Like...

    Space Captain Smith is essentially a spoof of your typical Sci-Fi adventure.  It’s kind of a combination of Starship Troopers and Spaceballs, but nevertheless is original in its wit and world-building. 

    Smith’s crew on the John Pym are both sparse and fascinating.  Suruk The Slayer makes a wookie look like a wussie.  Polly Carveth is a pilot, a simulant, and a sex toy combined.  Gerald the Hamster doesn’t do much outside of sitting in a cage and being a hamster.  I have a feeling his role will expand somewhere down the line.

    There are some great critters to meet, greet, and avoid being eaten by.  Plus several worlds to try not to die on.  The story is fast-paced with our heroes getting into and out of scrape after scrape.  This is a standalone novel, although it does have a ‘hook’ at the end that sets up the next book in the series.

    There’s plenty of blood and gore, of both insect and human ilk.  There’s no lurid sex, but there are adult situations and toys.  Little Suzie probably shouldn’t read this book.  Oh, and if you’re a religious fundamentalist, it’s likely you’d get irritated as well.  For me, that’s a plus.

Kewlest New Word . . .

Faffing (v.) : Making a fuss over nothing.  (a Britishism)

Others : Cosh (v.); Parped (v.); Naff (v.); Wallies (n.); Tiffin (n.).

Excerpts...

    “By the way, you haven’t seen an alien around here, have you?  About six foot eight with a face like a cross between a boar and an upturned crab.  Probably carrying a spear and a bag full of severed heads.”

    Parker shrugged.  “I dunno.  It gets busy here.”

    “He’s got an unusual laugh.”

    “Oh, that bloke?  He’s down the bottom of the ramp.  You know him, then?”  (loc. 97)

    The atmosphere seemed heavy suddenly, charged.  He decided to lighten it.  “Besides, it’s not the strangest name I’ve heard for a ship, by a long way.  I used to know a Yorkshireman who named his ship the Norfolk and Chance.  I used to say, ‘Why did you call your ship Norfolk and Chance?’ and he’d reply, ‘Because there’s Norfolk and Chance she’ll get off the ground!’  Haha!  Ha!  Ha.  Ha?  Oh.”  (loc. 2123)

Kindle Details...

    Space Captain Smith sells for $4.99 at Amazon.  The other four books in the series range from $4.39 to $7.99.

“The positronic versifier won’t transfibulate itself, after all.”  (loc. 2631)

    The key part of any spoof is its wit and humor.  Can it remain funny, fresh, and non-repetitive throughout the story?  I am happy to say that, for me and my sense of humor (and your funny bone may or may not agree), Space Captain Smith was superb in this regard.

    Add to this the action, the satire, and the excellent Space Opera motif, and I found it to be a delightful book.  My local (digital) library has at least two more of the series, and I intend to read them all.

    8½ Stars.  Highly recommended.  Subtract 1 star if you think Monty Python’s movie, The Holy Grail, was boring or stupid.  The humor here will probably not appeal to you.