Cross Country - James Patterson

2008; 406 pages; 158 chapters. Genres : Action-Crime; Airport Novel. Overall Rating : C.

   .When two families in Washington D.C. are hacked to pieces with machetes, it's up to Detective Alex Cross to track down the killers. And he's determined to do so, since one of the victims is his ex-GF. The trail leads to Africa, where the tables are turned, and Cross finds hinself treading on the home turf on a lethal, well-connected foe.

.What's To Like...
    Not enough action in the last book you read? Then this one's for you. It's no exaggeration to say that every page has some sort of killing, beating, shooting, chase, or other assorted danger.

.It's also obvious that Patterson wanted to write about the plight of Africa, a continent that seems to be cursed by God. He manipulates the story to take Cross to places like Nigeria, Sierra Leone, and Darfur. He also manages to avoid blatant stereotyping. Our hero is a black cop, raising two kids, and living together with his GF. And Al-Qaeda terrorists don't get blamed for any of killings.

.OTOH, there are some serious lapses of believability. Two families get the benihana treatment, and the CIA says, "Back off; we'll handle this"? Sorry, but that would never happen. Then Cross decides to handle it on his own (cliché!) and flies to Nigeria, but without seeing any need to contact the authorities there for help? Uh-uh; not a chance.

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Finally, there's the Ultimate Evil himself. Most of the foes in the earlier Alex Cross stories are complex, crazy, and diaboloically clever. Our UE here has all the personality of Idi Amin.

.The Bane of Authors - Airport Novels.
The best way to read this book is as an airport novel. Pretend you're boarding a plane; shut down your brain; and go with the flow. You'll be done in no time - the PCQ ("Patterson Chapter Quotient") here is about 2½ (406 pages ÷ 158 chapters), and half of each Chapter Title page is blank space. If you try to read it as anything else (say, as a piece of literature), you'll rate this book very low.

.So I'm giving Cross Country a "C", because it was enjoyable escapism, and because Patterson deserves kudos for trying to give us a glimpse of the horrors going on in Africa. But if you've never read one of Patterson's Alex Cross books, this is not the one to start with. Instead, pick up Pop Goes The Weasel, Jack And Jill, or Along Came A Spider to see how good of a story he used to write.

The Lake House - James Patterson

Overall Rating : D-.

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This is the sequel to Patterson's 1998 book, When The Wind Blows, and is not to be confused with the film "The Lakehouse" (one word) with Sandra Bullock, which has absolutely no relationship to this book.

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As in WTWB, six genetically-engineered "bird kids" get help from a (female) Colorado veterinarian and a (male) decommissioned FBI agent against an evil doctor intent on on turning them into lab rats.

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What's To Like...

It's your typical James Patterson novel. Fast-reading, fast-moving, and the average length of a chapter is 3-4 pages. So if you're in the habit of reading before going to bed (like I am), you won't have to read very far when it's time to turn out the lights.

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What's Not To Like...

Unfortunately, plenty. Like most readers, I thoroughly enjoy Patterson's "Alex Cross" detective series. But either he's burnt out on serial-killer thrillers, or else he thinks anyone can write a Cri-Fi novel.

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Alas, he's no Michael Crichton. He takes no time to try to convince you of the scientific validity of the "genetic engineering" theme in these two books, so you never really feel like it could be real.

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At least WTWB is moderately interesting. Alas, there's nothing new added by Patterson in the sequel. Same plot, same chase scenes, same type of bad guys (evil but bumbling), same ending. Except now, everything is more-sloppily done.

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Dr. Nefarious has a lucrative "entire internal organ transplant" business going. He's rejuvenated 40 of the world's leaders, and is therefore both insanely rich and insanely powerful. Why he would want to jeopardize all this for 6 bird-kids is an unexplained mystery.

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To boot, he's cloned himself. Four times, even. And apparently does a heap of Balco Barry steroids, cuz he's also incredibly strong. And he can tell your IQ just by looking at you when you're sleeping. But he's not too intelligent. After he (and his gang of clones, thugs and hired assassins) are out-smarted and out-fought several times by the bird-kids, including having one of his clone-selves eradicated, what does he do? Attempts to kill the chief bird-kid, all by himself, armed only with a scalpel. Go on now, guess who wins.

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Nothing gets resolved at the end. The bird-kids kill one Evil-Doctor-Clone and one Rejuvenated-World-Leader; then the original Dr. Nefarious is killed at the very end. But you're never told what happens to the organ-tranplant rejuvenating business after that. Custody of the bird-kids is transferred from their natural parents (who want to retain custody) to the Vet and FBI-ex-agent, even though it's obvious from both books that this doesn't make them one bit safer. And the remaining three Evil Clones are left to do... well, whatever three now-leaderless clones do. Look for a fourth for a pinochle game, maybe?

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And on, and on. A 7th-grader could do a better job of crafting a plot and tying up loose ends than Patterson does here.

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When Border's Has A Book On Sale, It Means...

I found this book on sale at Borders Bookstore. Not on their regular bargain tables. Nope, TLH had its own table and was 30% off. That makes it a good deal, right?

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Wrong. It's clear that based on Patterson's reputation, they bought tons of copies of this book, and the books weren't selling. Jimmy-Boy was pulling a fast one. My best guess is that he fooled the publishing company; the publishers then fooled the bookstores; and the bookstores then fooled the readers. I feel like Curly in The Three Stooges. Moe slaps Larry; Larry slaps Curly; and Curly discovers he has no one to slap.

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But I digress. This is a stinker of a novel. When The Wind Blows is so-so, so if you want to see how Patterson fares at writing Cri-Fi, read it, and skip this sequel. And learn a lesson as to why Borders Bookstore gives books like this their own special sale.

Black Market - James Patterson

Overall Rating : C+.

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I'm way behind on my James Patterson reading. His best efforts involve serial killers and the homicide detective Alex Cross. Unfortunately, Black Market has neither. Wall Street gets blown up, and we spend most of the first half of the book going on wild goose chases. Finally, the story begins to move, and there are a couple nice Dan Brown-esque twists in the latter stages. Still, one yearns for a deranged psychotic killer to show up and slash someone to pieces - anyone - just to spice things up.

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What is eerie about this book, however, is the way it foreshadows September 11. Black Market first came out in 1986, and if you substitute the Twin Towers for Wall Street, you get a scenario with uncanny similarities. Perhaps in 500 years, someone will decide that Patterson was a 20th-Century Nostredamus.

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All-in-all, it's a decent story, but its never gonna be your favorite Patterson book.