2011;
349 pages. New Author(s)? : Yes and Yes. Genres : Fantasy; Satire; General Humorous
Fiction. Overall Rating : 5*/10.
It’s been a horrible morning for Brent
Porter. The server at TriuTek is down (again), and there’s a big corporate
meeting scheduled for this morning.
Since Brent is TriuTek’s IT geek, his coworkers are expecting him to fix
it, and do so pronto, since they have lots of Internet things to do, none of
which are work-related. But that’s not
the worst part.
Everybody’s
cellphone, including Brent’s, isn’t working this morning either. That might mean the phone company’s Internet
is also down, which could be a sign that the power outage area is a lot larger than just
TriuTek's office. But that’s not the worst part.
An
ugly-looking monster just walked out of the server room, chewing on Ethernet
cables. It’s child-sized, mud-colored,
and with a mouthful of super-sharp teeth that warn Brent to keep his
distance. But that’s not the worst part.
That little gremlin has just stolen Brent’s very own personal
router. And that’s why things couldn’t
get any worse.
What’s To Like...
The Missing Link
is a mash-up of Lewis Carroll’s classic tale Alice
In Wonderland with a post-apocalyptic scenario where all electronic devices
are dead. Both of those concepts have
been done before (a review of one is here; and of the other is here, but combining the two is a novel idea.
You can call the genre Fantasy or Spoof, but don't call it Science Fiction which is what Amazon labels it.
There
are three plotlines to follow. 1.) Brent and his security-guard pal Mickey start
in Denver and go dimension-hopping to all sorts of other places, bashing monster
heads along the way. 2.) Molly, Brent’s internet girlfriend, experiences warped-&-updated versions of the Alice in Wonderland adventures.
3.) The Downriver Boys, a bit
of a misnomer since one of them is a woman and another is a beagle, start in
Chicago, and, well, pretty much stay in Chicago, bashing monster heads in
clever, makeshift ways. All three storylines eventually come together, which is not a spoiler since you know that’s going
to happen.
The
emphasis throughout is on humor, although it’s the “snarky parody” type, which is
not to everyone’s taste. Brandon
Meyers and Bryan Pedas take jabs at Greepeace Hippies, Facebook, cellphones, iPads, Twitter, anti-virus programs, Starbucks, writers, music piracy, and much,
much more. The barbs have a right-wing
tone to them, but I think a more accurate adjective would be “Luddite”.
I
liked the critters. In addition to the
main characters encountered in Alice In Wonderland, the authors showcase an
interesting menagerie of Sparrowheads, Goblins (sometimes called Gremlins),
Gobliguanas (sometimes
called Iguoblins), Hobblits, and even Musical Bars.
There are music nods to Poison and Britney Spears (how’s that for an odd combination?)
and, having taken two years of Mandarin Chinese myself, I enjoyed it getting a brief
mention. I would point out, however,
that if you are ever in Hong Kong, and wish to communicate with the locals, it
would be best to try Cantonese instead.
The
ending is logical, reasonably exciting, although not very twisty. I liked the way the “technological outage”
was resolved, and think a follow-up novel about that could be quite
interesting. The Missing Link is a standalone novel, and I don't think it's part of any
series. If the title references anything
in the story, I missed it.
Kewlest New Word ...
Goblobotomy (n.)
: removing the prefrontal lobe of a goblin’s brain (a made-up word, and way-kewl.)
Excerpts...
“You should be
angry. The capitalist world is using up
the environment like toilet paper.” He
dropped his gaze to the turd which was appropriately swallowing Molly’s
foot. “And, hey, come to think of it,
toilet paper kills trees. We should all
use leaves.”
Molly’s face was
flooding in bright red streaks. “Leaves are from trees, you idiot!” (loc. 1103)
“The probability
of your escape, human, is precisely 2.653 times less likely than being struck
by lightning in the next twelve seconds.
This mathematical calculation is based upon not only the current
sunshine and annual projected weather patterns, but also on the presence of the
six malnourished, carbon-based life forms of pitiful socio-economic status that
have just entered the room. While you no
doubt hope that these transients will prevent your immediate expiration, allow
me to offer assurance that such an event will not occur.” (loc. 6349)
Kindle Details…
The Missing Link sells for $5.99 right now at
Amazon. As a team, Brandon Meyers and
Bryan Pedas have another dozen or so e-books on Amazon, ranging in length from
short stories to novelettes to novels, and in price from $1.99 to $5.99. Both authors also have solo works available for your
Kindle. Their most
recent effort as a writing team seems to have been in 2016.
“Sir, my dog eats bananas.
I’m pooping for my sexy friends.
Did you help?” (loc.
2940 )
There
are a number of things to quibble about in The
Missing Link, the first and most serious of which is the heavy overuse
of cussing. I counted 18 instances in
the first 5%, and things didn’t let up after that. A little cussing to set the tone is okay, but
here it’ quickly becomes annoyingly distracting.
I thought the
storytelling was weak. For most of the
book, our three parties of protagonists wander around trying to figure out
what’s going on, but not getting anywhere. The story opens with Agnes Butterton destroying the Internet (so we are
told), but she then disappears never to be seen again. Twiddledee and Twiddledum serve no purpose except to
make fun of Twitter. It was funny the
first time, it was old and irritating the fiftieth time.
The target audience seemed to be Junior High and High School male readers
who will titter nervously at all the cussing and wisecracks. But this book would appeal to a wider
audience if it had less foul language and more polishing. OTOH, some reviewers criticized the writing itself
as being overly simplistic, but if the target audience is indeed teens, then I
think the writing style is appropriate.
5 Stars. Add 1½ stars if
you’re a teenage boy looking for a fast, easy “beach novel” for a book report
due in a couple days. That was me once,
and I probably would have enjoyed this way back then.
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