2012; 194 pages. New Author? : Yes. Genre : Parody; Humor. Overall Rating : 7*/10.
what use is a Royal Dragon-Slayer, if he refuses to kill the resident dragon? A fair question that King Ronald Dump poses
to said employee. But Sir Barth and
“Drag” are the best of friends, and blood, even if it is lizard’s blood, is thicker
Drag and Barth are prepared to flee the kingdom over the matter. But then the local witch turns the kingdom’s
inhabitants into brainsss-craving zombies, and the walking dead converge upon King
Dump’s castle. Suddenly, Barth’s swordsmanship
seems like a valuable commodity.
What’s To Like...
Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! is a parody,
and manages to be bawdy without bring obscene. The language is …erm… earthy, and there are a
bunch of allusions to “adult situations”.
But really, it’s nothing you wouldn’t hear in a junior high locker room.
two favorite characters are a cross-dressing dragon and an apprentice “good” witch. The rest, including our hero, are forgettably
stereotypical. There is a semblance of a
“attack of the fairytale zombies”), but it’s really nothing but a
string of clichés. The author is aware
of this; indeed, she uses the word cliché a
half-dozen times in the novel. Another favorite word
of hers : sigh. It shows up 25 times.
less than 200 pages, this is a short read, but it’s the right length for this sort of
parody. The gag lines do get repetitive,
but any book that has the cry “Brainsss!” and zombie pigs in it will keep me
turning the pages.
screeched as she landed in Barth’s lap with a thud. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
When Barth looked into the witch’s wide,
violet eyes, he thought his heart would melt.
Except, not all the way, because then his heart wouldn’t be able to pump
blood, and he’d die. It melted just
enough so the reader gets that Barth was instantly in love. (loc. 267)
“Whom did you slay?” the king groaned.
Barth tilted his head while tapping his
chin. “About a dozen knights, a few
hobbits and goblins, an evil step-sister, a wooden puppet, one or two
princesses, oh and Bill Murray. He wasn’t
a zombie yet, but I lopped off his head just for the hell of it.”
The king slapped his forehead. “I can’t believe you killed Bill Murray.”
Barth arched a brow. “Have you seen Garfield?” (loc. 631)
Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! sells for $0.99 at Amazon, which
seems to be the standard price for all of P.J. Jones’ books ATM. She is also a contributing author to the
anthologies put out by a group who call themselves The Eclective, and these are
very good and often free. Indeed, if you watch the various “free Kindle books” websites and/or Amazon,
you will sooner or later find a lot of Ms. Jones’ books free for limited time
“Why can Blahnik design shoes for filthy little hobbits but not for
cross-dressing dragons?” (loc. 53)
Attack of the
Fairytale Zombies! reminds me of a book from way back in the mid-90’s, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. Both are spoofs, both rely on repetitive
punch lines, and neither makes any pretense of having any depth. One relies on sexual innuendo; the other on
PCBS had a brief heyday – ISTR it made the NY Times
Best Seller list – but it had no staying power because, after you grew tired of
hearing the same witticisms over and over again (“womyn” instead of “women”),
all you had left was the fairy tale storyline.
The same holds true here. When
the genitalia boner
mots get old, there’s not much else to latch on to.
be summed up in two words : “tabasco-flavored cotton-candy”. Okay, maybe that’s four words. This is a spicy novel, but without any
substance. Still, there are times when
cotton-candy is just what one’s taste buds are craving, and I doubt P.J.
Jones had any intention of writing
something complex or high-brow. 7 Stars. Add another star if you remember PCBS, and thought it was hilarious.