The Fire - Katherine Neville

2008; 441 pages. Sequel to "The Eight", which is reviewed here. Genre : Cospiracy Fiction. Overall Rating : 3*/10.

.

21-year-old Alexandra "Xie" Solarin returns to her mother's Colorado lodge for a birthday celebration, only to find that her mom, "Cat" Velis, has flown the coop, but has left some intriguing puzzles as clues. The next round of "The Game" has begun, and like it or not, Alexandra finds that she is an integral part of it.

.

What's To Like...

The Fire has the same structure as The Eight. There are two interwoven storylines; one set in the present (2003, actually); the other set in 1822, in various countries around the Mediterranean Sea.

.

Once again, there are some cool settings - Italy, the Rocky Mountains, Morocco, the Alaska-Russia border, and Albania. When's the last time you read a book set in Albania? There are lots of historical references, some kewl French phrases (always a plus for me), and even a romance or two. As in The Eight, Neville does a lot of name-dropping (Percy Bysshe Shelley, Lord Byron, Thomas Jefferson, Tallyrand, Alexander Dumas, to name a few), but I like that.

.

Alas, it's what's missing that pulls down the score. First and foremost - a lack of action. We spend 430 pages fleeing from danger with Xie. But said danger doesn't make an appearance until there's only 10 pages to go. And the relatively wimpy threat devolves into an unsatisfying ending.

.

The1822 storyline suffers similarly. Early on, our heroine is in a castle, and the Ottoman Turk enemies are literally breaking down the doors to the room. Haidee, accompanied by a lone warder, has to flee the castle, make her way through the beseiging Turkish army lines, board a waiting ship and flee to Italy. But once at sea, pirates attack the ship, and all aboard are taken as slaves to Morocco. The warder escapes, but Haidee is put in the Sultan's harem, Until he dies, when she is auctioned off as a slave.

.

Well, that certainly sounds like action, doesn't it? Unfortunately, it's all in the background. At the end of one chapter, Haidee is told to flee the castle. At the start of the next, she's in the harem preparing to be demoted. How boring.

.

There are lots of twists, but they never seem to go anywhere. And although the chess motif is again present, it becomes evident Ms. Neville doesn't play. "I picked up the kinght and put it on d4. I was still looking at the board some moments later when I realized that Vartan hadn't yet made his opening move." (pg. 397). Um, yeah. Just one problem. It isn't possible to play Nd4 as White's first move. Sloppy, sloppy.
.

Kewl New Words...

Analemma : the figure-eight path that you'd see if you took photos of the sun from the exact same place at the exact same time over the course of a year. Penury : a state of poverty. Pourboire : A small amount of money given for services rendered. Hermeneutics : the study of the theory of interpretation (usually "scriptural"). Oh yeah, Factotum appeared again. I'm being stalked by that word.

.

Excerpts...

Eremon always called Rodo "E.B." for "Eredolf Boujaron", a Basque "in" joke that he'd shared with Leda and me on one of our very late ciderfest nights. Apparently there are no names or words in Basque that begin with R : hence Eremon's name - Ramon in Spanish, Raymond in French. And Rodolfo seemed almost Italian. This linguistic flaw would seem to make Rodo something of a Basque Basqtard. (pg. 168)

.

The attendant shook his head and pointed upstream, toward Washington, D.C. The man with the shades reached in his jacket and pulled out a phone.

I had that sinking feeling. We were out here in the middle of the river on an open boat, like a crate of eggplants awaiting delivery. (pg. 311)

.

I am ashes where once I was fire,

And the bard in my bosom is dead,

What I loved I now merely admire -

And my heart is as gray as my head. (Lord Byron, and pg. 321).

In the end, the negatives outweigh the positives. This is not a stand-alone book. You have to read The Eight first, and alas, The Fire pales in comparison to that.

.

I can only give it three stars. OTOH, the co-worker who originally turned me on to The Eight, also read The Fire, and felt that they both were equally good. So maybe its just me.

The Brightonomicon - Robert Rankin

2005; 404 pages. The eighth book in the "Brentford Trilogy" series. Yeah, I know; that's an oxymoron. Awards : Nominated for the British Fantasy Society's "Best Novel" in 2006. Genre : Humor, Fantasy. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

.

Young Rizla, who is suffering from amnesia after being tossed off a pier and drowning, signs on with his deliverer, one Hugo Rune; a.k.a. the Logos of the Aeon, The Guru's Guru, The Mumbo Gumshoe, The Hocus Bloke, and (perhaps most notably) The Reinventor of the Ocarina.

.

Their quest - to locate and retrieve the Chronovision, a device that resembles a television set, with which it is possible, when tuned to someone's personal frequency, to witness any events that happened in the past through the eyes of that person.

.

To do this, they need to solve 12 cases in and around Brighton, among which are retrieving a lost spaniel, thwarting the nefarious plans of alien space crabs, and finding the last descendant of Jesus Christ at a Heavy Metal concert.

.

What's To Like...

Rizla plays Dr. Watson to Rune's Sherlock Holmes, spoofing that duo's case-solving talents. There are cool side characters to meet, such as Count Otto Black (the UE), and Fangio, who inexplicably is the bartender at every pub and restaurant our heroes stop at. Indeed, Fangio is just one of many "running gags" that Rankin uses throughout his books. You can see a more complete list of these at Wikipedia's article on Rankin here, where you can also see the titles of the rest of his books, which are cleverly hilarious.

.

There are cool literary tips-of-the-hat, such as a minor character named Kilgore Sprout (hello, Kurt Vonnegut). And of course, the title itself references H.P. Lovecraft's Necronomicon.

.

But what makes this book so good is the dialogue and the countless anecdotal asides, which will have you reading the book slowly so you don't miss any of the subtleties.

.

You should know the book is written in "English", not "American", and that there are a lot of British references that may leave you stymied. I had a hard time figuring out what a Blue Peter presenter is, who Kathleen Maltwood was (and how she figures into this story), and where to find a Fortnum's Hamper.

.

Kewl New Words...

Some of these are Britishisms. Hob : A kitchen shelf on which to keep kettles, etc. Raddling : Unkempt or rundown in appearance. Bonce : Slang for one's head. Insalubrious : Unhealthful; unwholesome. Toff : Slang for a member of the Upper Class; a fop. Charabanc : a sight-seeing bus. Amanuensis : An assistant who takes dictation. Remonstrate : To argue in protest or opposition. Salubrious : Opposite of insalubrious (see above).

.

Excerpts...

"That's what we fought for," said Fangio. "That and the silk stockings, of course. Not to mention the powdered egg."

"The powdered egg?" I queried.

"I told you not to mention that. Kindly get out of my bar." (pg. 45)

.

I did not have to travel far to find the rooms of Professor Nestor. He occupied those that were above the rooms that Mr. Rune and I occupied, which were below his, which were, in turn, above ours. (pg. 126)

.

The lounge was long and low and lost in a dream that was forever yesterday. The chrome shone like oil beads on a Chevy's tail fin and the guy who stood behind the counter copped me a glance like he was whistling 'Dixie' through the wrong end of a clarinet. I crossed the bar with more aplomb than a pagan pedal-pusher at a podophiliac's picnic and acquainted myself with my favourite barstool. (pg 151).

.

The worm of time turns not for the cuckoo of circumstance. (pg. 93).

Despite being part of a series, this is a stand-alone book. Robert Rankin is a great new author to get acquainted with, but it's hard to find his books. He's well-liked in Great Britain, but somehow hasn't "jumped the pond" just yet. I give The Brightonomicon nine stars, only because the cases themselves got a bit repetitive after a while. The other book of his that I've found is The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse. How can you go wrong with a title like that?

It All Started With Columbus - Richard Armour

1953 (but also 1961, and 1971); 129 pages. Full Title (1971 Version) : It All Started With Columbus - A Merry Mangling of American History from Columbus to Nixon. Genre : Humor. 1971 New Price : $1.95. 2009 Used Price : $2.00. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

.

This is Richard Armour's whimsical, tongue-in-cheek recounting of American History. 130 pages of wordplay, puns, and details (both real and contrived) covering 5 centuries of New World happenings.

.

What's To Like...

It's good, old-fashioned, 50's, clean humor. If there was something "purer" than a "G Rating", this would get it. That's quite a feat when you consider that Armour has to deal with topics like slavery, Communism, Hitler, and Custer's Last Stand.

.

Despite the book's brevity, every US President gets at least a short mention here. As does every war. Armour shows no partiality - you can't tell if he was a Republican or Democrat in real life.

.

The footnotes are funny (maybe this is where Pratchett got his inspiration for the footnotes in the Discworld series), and there are five zany-funny "tests" scattered throughout the book. If only my college history exams had been this easy and entertaining.

.

This is not a historical reference. Armour invents "facts" to set up his puns. The sense of humor is witty, but unvarying (think Red Skelton monologues, if you're old enough to remember his TV show), so adults may find it a bit tedious after a while. Except for a couple "bundled" offerings at Amazon, all of Armour's books seem to be out-of-print. I found this one at a used-book store. The next-best bet for these is your local library.

.

Excerpts...

William Penn, on the other hand, came to America to collect some land the King owed his father. He belonged to a frightened religious sect known as the Quakers. So that he would not be forgotten, he gave his name to the Pennsylvania Railroad, the Pennsylvania Station, and the state prison, which is known as the Penn. (pg. 11)

.

John Quincy Adams was the second Adams to become president. He is not to be confused with his father, John Adams, who was the first Adams but the second president, or with his Uncle Sam Adams (who was not the real Uncle Sam, except to his nieces and nephews). It was fortunate for us, if not for the second John Adams, that he had the Quincy, which the first John did not. (pg. 49)

.

About the only good thing for which Harding is remembered is the Disarmament Conference. This was a meeting held in Washington at which each nation sought to disarm all the others. There was great enthusiasm, and the delegates all went home with souvenirs which they melted down and made into cannons. (pg. 103)

.

What this country needs is a good street sweeper. (closing sentence)

This was a nostalgic read for me. There are six "It All Started With" Armour books, and the local library where I grew up had most of them. When I was 10-13, I was into this kind of humor, and would borrow these time after time and wear them out in memorizing the puns. So to some degree, I have Richard Armour to thank for my love of reading and libraries.

.

There are some people who believe that nowadays we don't find a joke funny unless there is sex, cussing, booze/drugs, and/or racial stereotyping in it. Maybe so, but 50 years ago that wasn't true, and IASWC is proof of it.

.

Although I still enjoyed IASWC this time around, I didn't find myself laughing out loud at any point. Perhaps my tastes in humor have changed. Or perhaps I've read this book once too often. We'll give it seven stars, and recommend it to any adult who still enjoys clean puns and wordplay; and especially to anyone who has kids aged 8-12 who like history and joke books.

End of the Beginning - Harry Turtledove

2005; 519 pages. Genre : Alternate History. Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

.

This is the sequel to Days of Infamy (reviewed here), in which the Japanese followed up their surprise bombing of Pearl Harbor with a successful land invasion of Hawaii. End Of The Beginning begins in early 1943, with the Americans building up a massive force to try and retake Hawaii, and the Japanese working feverishly to construct impregnable defenses.

.

What's To Like...

Turtledove uses his usual style here - telling the story via POV's of about a dozen individuals. There are a couple American soldiers, of course; but we also get to follow two POW's, a number of Japanese soldiers and brass, and representatives of the various ethnic groups that were on the islands at the time - Japanese, Whites, and native Hawaiians. Our surfer dude is back, as is the (Hawaiian) Japanese dad dealing with his two high school kids who think of themselves as Americans. And for you romantics, there's a love story between one of those sons and a teenage white girl.

.

Turtledove has a nice feel for Japanese expansionism and Hawaiian nationalism. He also acquaints you with the horrors of living under WW2 Japanese occupation. If you're not familiar with things like the Bataan Death March, enforced conscription into "Comfort Houses", working POW's literally to death, and a flagrant disregard for the Geneva Convention (which, to be fair, Japan had never signed); this book will open your eyes.

.

There are some weaknesses. Like the book/movie, The Longest Day, it takes forever for the action to get going. If you're going to read EOTB for the war strategy and killing, just skip the first 240 pages or so. The good news is, once the shooting starts, Turtledove is in his element, and the second half of the book scoots along just fine. And as is true in all wars, some of the good guys die; some of the bad guys survive.

.

There is the author's usual penchant for repeating himself. You will be told umpteen times that mortar fire is scary because it can land right on top of you before you hear it; that a pilot should always obey the flagman when landing; that maltreated POW's keep getting skinnier and skinnier; and that American soldiers aren't as soft as the Japanese soldiers believed. Veteran Turtledove readers learn to accept this. You also have to accept cusswords, racial epithets, and graphic sex scenes.

.

Kewl New Words...

None. Although Factotum showed up again. That word is stalking me.

.

Excerpt...

Commander Minoru Genda walked past the front entrance to Iolani Palace. Fairy terns, almost whiter than white, floated through the blue, blue Hawaiian sky. The flag of the newly restored Kingdom of Hawaii fluttered on five flagpoles above the late-Victorian palace. Seeing that flag made Genda smile. The Hawaiians had gone out of their way to accommodate both Britain and the United States, with the Union Jack in the canton and red, white, and blue horizontal stripes filling the rest of the field.

Much good it did them, the Japanese officer thought. (opening paragraphs)

.

Shigata ga nai... (see pg. 137)

EOTB is an easy read and kept my interest better than I'd feared. Turtledove gives you a well-reasoned answer to "what if the Japanese had conquered Hawaii in December 1941?" And maybe that's the drawback of the book - you can pretty much predict the USA's response and the ultimate outcome. Turtledove is also accurate about the brutality of the occupation. But if you've ever read about what the Philippines went through in WW2 under the Japanese heel, you can anticipate what happens here.

.

This is not a stand-alone book, and I'm not sure who the target audience is. It's too crude for kids; and adult readers might be looking for a bit more depth. We'll give it 5½ stars, because Turtledove can spin a good, well-researched story and has a knack for asking cool, Alt-History "what if" questions. Just keep in mind that it's fiction, not literature.

Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman

2005; 387 pages. Awards : Locus Award, British Fantasy Society Award, Mythopoeic Award (all 2006). A NY Times #1 Best Seller (2005). Gaiman declined to have it nominated for a Hugo Award (which seems a bit strange). Genre : Contemporary Fantasy. Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

.

Fat Charlie is in London, unenthusiastically planning his wedding, when word comes that his estranged father has died while on a karaoke stage in Florida. He reluctantly travels across the pond to pay his respects, and learns two surprising facts. First, his father was a god (Anansi). Second, he has a brother (Spider). The brothers meet, and Gaimanesque insanity ensues.

.

What's To Like...

This is a wonderfully-written book; full of humor, wit, murder and mayhem, love, and unexpected twists and turns. We won't give any details here, as spoilers would ruin the reading experience.

.

The brothers constitute a complete Odd Couple. Fat Charlie is the epitome of boring normalcy, but you can't help but like him. Spider lives for the moment, is all about excitement and not having ties to anything, and seems to have inherited all of his father's magical abilities. You can't help but warm to him as well.

.

All the characters (and gods) are interesting, and even the baddies have a certain charm. The story wraps up neatly, and you're left wanting more.

.

Kewl New Words...

Lubricious : Having a smooth and slippery quality (I guess I should've deduced that one). Nictitating : Blinking the eyes. Koan : A puzzling, paradoxical statement or story. Snog : to touch with the lips against someone's mouth, cheek, etc. as an expression of love or greeting. Saveloy : A ready-cooked and highly-seasoned sausage.

.

Excerpts...

It begins, as most things begin, with a song.

In the beginning, after all, were the words, and they came with a tune. That was how the world was made, how the void was divided, how the lands and the stars and the dreams and the little gods and the animals, how all of them came into the world. (opening paragraphs, pg. 1)

.

Until now Spider had regarded women as more or less interchangeable. You didn't give them a real name, or an address that would work for longer than a week, of course, or anything more than a disposable cell-phone number. Women were fun, and decorative, and terrific accessories, but there would always be more of them, like bowls of goulash coming along a conveyor belt, when you were done with one, you simply picked up the next, and spooned in your sour cream. (pg. 186)

.

Absatively!!

Anansi Boys is a spin-off of American Gods, but is not as dark and not as epical. The fate of the world doesn't hang in the balance; just the family sanity. Yet that doesn't mean it's a lesser work. Essentially, it plays "The Hobbit" to AG's "Lord of the Rings". I really can't think of any negatives to point out. So we'll give it 9½ Stars, and recommend it highly to all Gaimaniacs.