The Lord of the Ring Roads - Robert Rankin

    2017; 280 pages. Book 10 in “The Legendary Quadrilogy of Trilogies” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Great news!  They’re going to build a ring road around the outskirts of Brentford!

 

    Greater news!  It won’t cost the residents of Brentford anything!  The neighborhoods surrounding their city, through which the ring road will actually run, will pay for everything!  The construction starts shortly!

 

    This is all news to Jim Pooley and John Omally, along with the rest of Brentford.  But since they’ll get something for nothing, it has to be a great deal, right?  Except that, really, Brentford doesn’t need a ring road.

 

    Which makes Jim and John wonder.  Who is actually pulling the strings to get this ring road built.  And more importantly, why?

 

What’s To Like...

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is Book 10 (out of 12) in Robert Rankin’s Brentford Trilogy series.  To be precise, it's Book One of the fourth trilogy in this series, and I’ve already read Books 2 & 3, The Chronicles of Banarnia and Normanghast.  If you haven’t read any of this trio, I advise starting with this one.

 

    The two main protagonists are Jim Pooley and John Omally, a pair of my favorite Robert Rankin characters.  Old Pete also plays a key role, so does Professor Slocombe.  The Lady in the Straw Hat has a cameo appearance, and Neville, the part-time bartender at The Flying Swan has a larger role than usual, which I loved.

 

    A bunch of plotlines besides the ring road project also crop up.  Will Old Pete get a badly needed hearing aid?  Why is Uncle Ted missing?  Can Jim and John make some easy money by managing a community raffle?  Will the royal family send a representative to the ring road opening ceremony?  And most importantly, can Jim and John apprehend a rogue author named P.P. Penrose, who is unlawfully using them as fictional characters in his books?  Sure, we know Robert Rankin will deftly bring all these plot threads together.  But it’s always fun to watch how marvelously he does it.

 

    The book is written in English, not American.  So you may have labourings and vigour, and use a biro to write a cheque.  Things can get  cosy, but keep your lorry fuelled up.  Do all this, and Bob’s your uncle.  To boot, Robert Rankin blends in some witty and whimsical poetry, as well as things like the Cagoule of Concealment, Bunson’s Necromunicator, and the Captain Laser Alien Attack Machine.

 

    The ending builds to a suitable climax, and stops at a logical spot, but leaves several plot threads unfinished.  Alas, that’s what I get for not reading the books of this trilogy in order.  Despite that, The Lord of the Ring Roads kept me turning the pages, wondering what plot twist was going to turn up next.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Hobble-de-hoy (n.) : an awkward, ungainly, adolescent boy (British slang)

Others: Salmagundi (n.); Canescent (adj.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 623 ratings and 50 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.27/5 based on 395 ratings and 25 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Then “ah,” said Jim and “ah” once more.  Yet another email from Goodwill Jeremy, the deposed Nigerian prince.  Jim really felt for this unlucky fellow, erstwhile ruler of a gold and diamond-rich province so exclusive that it was not to be found on any map.  Jim shook his head, and as for the prince himself, benign and generous ruler, ousted from his palace by mercenaries in the pay of an evil warlord.  And forced to flee without his cheque book.  (pg. 21)

 

    A lady in a straw hat overhearing this turned and asked Jim what the trouble was.

    “Oh, just things,” said Jim.

    “Things is it?” said the lady.  “Don’t start me off on things.”

    “I promise I won’t,” said Jim

    “I was darning my old man’s socks the other day,” the lady went on.  “And he was screaming away as he always does.”

    “Why?” Jim asked.

    “Well, because he was wearing the socks and I’m not such a dab hand with a needle as I used to be, so—"  (pg. 89)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Lord of the Ring Roads Kindle edition will cost you $4.99 at present.  The rest of the e-books in this (completed) “quadrilogy-of-trilogies” are all in the $2.99-$5.99 price range.  Most of Robert Rankin’s other e-book novels are in that same price range.

 

“We are all going to hell in a handbag.”  (pg. 250)

    There’s very little cussing in The Lord of the Ring Roads; I noted only four instances, all of which were of the milder, four-lettered variety.  I only spotted one typo: cannon/canon; but once again there were at least eight commas missing from recipients of direct dialogue.  I’d call this British punctuation, but most of the time the commas were present.

 

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is another fine piece of far-fetched fantasy penned by Robert Rankin.  Rumor has it, . . . erm . . . Rumour has it that the author is about to bring out a new book, titled Priestess of Penge.  I’m looking forward to it.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  At one point Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum is mentioned, which brought back fond childhood memories for one of the characters.  It did the same for me, Mr. Rankin, sir; it did the same for me.

Slow Burn — Zero Day - Bobby Adair

    2013; 236 pages.  Book 1 (out of 10) in the "Slow Burn" series.  Full Title: Slow Burn – Zero Day.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Horror; Plague; Zombies.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

 

    There’s ethnic cleansing in Somalia and it’s spreading into neighboring African countries.  Ho hum.  There’s civil unrest in China, and the military there is cracking down heavily.  Who cares.  There’s violence in the Middle East.  That’s nothing to worry about for Zed, who lives in Austin, Texas.

 

    What is a problem for him, however, is having to attend a family lunch at his mom’s and stepdad’s house.  There will be the usual hassling and talking-to from both of them, telling Zed to get his life together.  But that’s par for the course; he’s ready for it.

 

    He definitely wasn’t ready for what he saw when he opened the front door.  His mom laying dead in a pool of blood, in the living room.  His stepdad hunched over her, slurping away on her blood.  And a strange semi-mutilated guy sitting in a chair by the fireplace, watching the macabre scene.

 

    I have a feeling lunch is not going to be served.

 

What’s To Like...

    Slow Burn – Zero Day is the opening book in a 10-volume (plus one novella) horror series set in Bobby Adair’s hometown of Austin, Texas.  The tale is told from the first-person POV, Zed’s, and the action starts right away.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that the storyline has the standard “zombie” structure: zillions of infected undead creatures seeking out the vastly-outnumbered, uninfected human survivors.

 

    However in this series a third, even smaller category is spawned: the “infected yet semi-immune” victims.  Zed of course is one of those.  Although his skin has grown pale, and he is running a fever, he retains his human thought-processes and, perhaps most importantly, tasted horrible to zombies trying to eat him.

 

    It is quickly established that the zombie infection originated in Africa.  From there it spread rapidly into Asia.  There’s no cure in sight, and it has reached the United States frighteningly fast.  I found it eerie how this mirrored the real-world COVID epidemic that hit America in 2020,.  It started elsewhere, we knew it was coming, and there was nothing we could do to stop it.  

 

    The main storyline follows Zed as he searches for others who are uninfected.  That is no small task.  The zombies need to eat too and are swarming throughout Austin looking for delicious uninfected victims to eat.  Zed’s survivalist skills are minimal (so are mine), food is scarce (and for now being scrounged from vending machines), and acquiring weaponry (mostly dropped by now-dead soldiers sent to kill zombies) is dangerous, bordering on suicidal.

 

    Zed needs to find some long-term solutions to all those challenges on the college campus of UT-Austin where he's holed up.  I’m sure his degree in Philosophy will be of great help in this endeavor.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 4,558 ratings and 1,629 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.91/5 based on 5,830 ratings and 501 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “They’re going to round us all up, eventually.  We’ll get a year or more just for busting out of jail.  We’ll get time for rioting, and maybe even capital murder for that dead cop you saw.”

    My mouth hung open.  I hadn’t thought of any of that.  Finally, I said, “But we were running for our lives.  We were in as much danger as the cops.”

    Murphy shook his head.  “A jury in Travis County might believe that about you, if you hadn’t already stabbed your stepdad thirty-seven times...”  (pg. 62)

 

    “You guys nearly attacked me coming out of the elevator.”

    “When was the last time you looked in a mirror?  You look like one of the infected.”

    I looked down at myself.  My skin had grown paler since I last checked.  My arm was bleeding from another bite wound.  I had blood and brain splattered on my shirt from when I shot the infected guy in the tunnel.

    I looked back at Wilkins and shrugged.  “I clean up nicely, though.”  (pg. 164)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Slow Burn – Zero Day currently costs $4.99 at Amazon.  The paperback format, which is what I read, costs $9.95.  The other individual e-books in the series go for $4.99 apiece, with the exception of Book 10 which runs a dollar more.  Alternatively, you can buy the 3-ebook bundle for $9.99; or the 9-ebook bundle for $5.99.  Yeah, I don’t understand the bundle pricing structure either.

 

The great “why” questions of life very suddenly held zero importance.  (pg. 133)

    The profanity level in Slow Burn – Zero Day is moderate.  I noted 18 instances in the first 10% of the book, primarily of the milder ilk.  Later on, some  f-bombs spring up, plus a couple references to male genitalia.

 

    I spotted only three typos: ally/alley; form/from; Mary/Marcy, and one indenting glitch, which no doubt arose during the printing stage.  Kudos to whoever did the editing on this.

 

    The main issue I had was with the storytelling.  The tale ends at a pivotal spot, but with none of the plot threads having been tied up.  Zero.  Nada.  So Book One is little more than an introduction to the 10-book series.  Which means by reading it, you are committing to nine more books, even if you read them via one of the bundles.

 

    Unfortunately, I acquired the paperback version, coming across it at a nearby used-book store.  I doubt that the paperback version of Book 2, Slow Burn – Infected will show up there anytime soon.  So sadly, this is probably as far as I'll go in this series.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing.  I became familiar with Bobby Adair’s novels via Facebook, where he regularly posts ads, mostly for the audiobook bundle of this series.  I don’t do audiobooks, but thanks to the ads, his name became engrained in my head, and I recognized it instantly while browsing at the bookstore.  So if you’re an indie author endeavoring to enlarge your reading audience, you might consider touting your books on Facebook.

Useless Etymology - Jess Zafarris

    2025; 330 pages.  Full Title: Useless Etymology—Off Beat Word Origins for Curious Minds.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Etymology; Linguistics; Language; Reference.  Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

 

    Quick!  What the plural of “octopus”?  Is it octopuses, octopi, or octopodes?  If that kind of question fascinates you, you’re probably a word nerd.  Don't worry, so am I.

 

    It’s all a matter of from which older language the word “octopus” is derived.  Ancient Latin?  Ancient Greece?  Early English?  Some other even older and now-forgotten language? 

 

    Jess Zafarris freely admits she is a word nerd.  She’s researched the origins of a plethora of English words and has compiled them into this book, Useless Etymology.

 

    Hmm.  I wonder how much a “plethora” is and from what old language it came from.  Happily, the answer is in this book.  So is her opinion as to which “plural of octopus” is the most correct.  It might surprise you.

 

What’s To Like...

    Useless Etymology is divided into 22 chapters, plus a Prologue and an Epilogue.  My favorites were:

Chapter 09: Hit the Books: The origins of Literary and Rhetorical terms.

Chapter 11: Animalogical: Critters Hiding in Other Words.

Chapter 19: Word Gaffes: When Words Trip Us Up.

Chapter 22: Extralongitudinal Linguistifabulatons.

 

    I liked the writing style.  The author assumes the reader is a word enthusiast, but doesn’t have a PhD in Linguistics.  The text is by necessity scholarly, yet it is also easy for us recreational wordsmiths to understand.

 

    The chapters are separated into three parts.  Part One, The Oddities of English Etymology, introduces the reader to the technical aspects of Etymology.  Part Two, Twist and Turns, presents chapters dealing with specific etymological wordlists, such as Colors, Food, Astronomy,  Seasons/Months, etc.  Part Three, Whimsy and Wonder, is a delightful collection of offbeat words, silly vocabulary, slang, and incredibly lengthy words.

 

    I was happy to see one of my favorite dictionary terms, “Dord” get mentioned.  Ditto for Interrobangs, Aardwolves, and Grawlix, and a word of recent origin, Vellichor.  I agree with the author, the obsolete term “Slangwhanger” needs to be restored to everyday language.  And I appreciated inclusion of a quote from one of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchett.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.7/5 based on 143 ratings and 39 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.17/5 based on 303 ratings and 173 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Just like other collocated verb phrases we looked at, none of these is set in stone.  But they’ve become so commonplace that they’re difficult to avoid.  Try coming up with different versions of a few and see how they sound to you.  “Explode into tears” is less common and might evoke a different mental image than “burst into tears.”  And “awfully ill-prepared” isn’t found as frequently as “woefully ill-prepared” despite meaning  more or less the same thing.  (pg. 57)

 

    Scuttlebutt, a nautical-inspired term for gossip, rumors, and interpersonal news shared among coworkers, dates to the early 1800s and is quite literally the sailor’s equivalent of “watercooler talk.”  A “scuttlebutt” was a cask of fresh drinking water kept aboard a ship, around which sailors loitered and chattered much as they might around the watercooler in an office break room.  (pg. 261)

 

Kindle Details…

    Useless Etymology sells for $9.99 at Amazon at present.  Jess Zafarris has two other etymology-themed e-books available: Words from Hell and Once Upon a Word; both of which are in the $8–$9 range, plus another two tomes that are in the works but which you can already pre-order.

 

 

“I would there was a blister on this plaguy tongue of mine for making such a hollo-ballo.”  (pg. 7) (*)

    I only noticed four instances of profanity in Useless Etymology, and one of those was there because the etymology of “shit” was being addressed.

 

    Some of the early, more technical chapters have lots of footnotes.  For the most part, they reference the literary source being quoted in the text (which, after all, is the main purpose of footnotes), so if that doesn't interest you, they can be ignored.  In later chapters, some of the footnotes gave added insight to the text, so when you’re about halfway through the book, you might want to start reading them.

 

    I can’t think of anything else to quibble about.  For me, Useless Technology was a great read, on a subject I immensely love learning more about.  Word Nerds of the world unite!  We have nothing to lose but our linguistic ignorance!

 

    9½ Stars.  One last thing.  The tagline above marked with an asterisk (*) is from a book by Tobias Smollett, titled “The Life and Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves”, published in 1762, and cited here for its etymological forerunner of hullaballoo.  I’m amazed at how “ancient” that sentence sounds.  I think I might go find that novel and read it.

The Sun Also Rises - Ernest Hemingway

    1926; 232 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : High-Brow; Classic American Literature; Roman à Clef.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    Gertrude Stein dubbed them the “Lost Generation”.  They were a group of expatriate writers—mostly Americans and British—who lived in Paris in the years following World War One.

 

    Wouldn’t that be a great lifestyle?  Hang out in Parisian cafés all day, drinking wine, writing novels, and joining in witty repartee with one’s fellow authors.

 

    The American author Ernest Hemingway was part of the Lost Generation.  He got to know its members quite well.  He even wrote a book about his interactions with them, which was published in 1926.

 

    It’s called The Sun Also Rises.

 

What’s To Like...

    At 232 pages (the hardcover version), The Sun Also Rises is a relatively quick, highbrow read.  The story is told in the First-Person POV by our protagonist, Jake Barnes, who's a newspaper article writer.

 

    The storyline is divided into three parts.  Part One portrays the lives the Lost Generation as they lounge about in Paris.  Part Two, encompassing more than n half the pages, recounts a trip to Pamplona, Spain to watch the famous “running of the bulls” and join in a weeklong fiesta.  Part Three hints at a possible change about to occur in Jake’s life.

 

    The novel is written in the “roman à clef” style, which means the storyline draws upon real-life people and events as the basis for a fictional account.  That also means Jake Barnes’s experiences are based on Hemingway’s life at the time.  You’d think that he and all these characters would be thoroughly enjoying the artistic life of high society, but that is not the case.  They squabble with each other, bemoan their lack of funds, and drown themselves in booze.

 

    I really liked the “feel” Ernest Hemingway gives for living in post-World War One France and Spain.  I’ve been to both countries, and could tell the author had actually lived there.  The bull-fighting excursion made a profound impact on him.

 

    I also liked how a bunch of French and Spanish phrases and dialogue find their way into the text.  It adds to the realism of the tale.  And since it’s been 100 years since Hemingway wrote this, even some of the English words and phrases are old-fashioned.  A couple examples are given below.

 

    The ending, Part Three, is both bittersweet and satisfying, although somewhat inconclusive.  To give details would introduce spoilers.  The storyline leaves room for a sequel but I don’t think one was ever written.  Perhaps that means these were not the happiest years of Hemingway's life.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

    Darbs (n,; plural) : excellent, outstanding, and/or highly attractive persons. (1920s slang)

    Others: Mattock (n.); Bankrupt (as a noun); “Live on tick” (phrase).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.0*/5, based on 16,089 ratings and 1,803 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.79*/5, based on 504,043 ratings and 25,347 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “All I want out of wines is to enjoy them.”

   “Let’s enjoy a little more of this,” Brett pushed her glass forward.  The count poured very carefully.  “There, my dear.  Now you enjoy that slowly, and then you can get drunk.”

    “Drunk?  Drunk?”

    “My dear, you are charming when you are drunk.”

    “Listen to the man.”

    “Mr. Barnes,” the count poured my glass full.  “She is the only lady I have ever known who was as charming when she was drunk as when she was sober.”

    “You haven’t been around much, have you?”  (pg. 57)

 

    “They let the bulls out of the cages one at a time, and they have steers in the corral to receive them and keep them from fighting, and the bulls tear in at the steers and the steers run around like old maids trying to quiet them down.”

    “Do they ever gore the steers?”

    “Sure.  Sometimes they go right after them and kill them.”

    “Can’t the steers do anything?”

    “No.  They’re trying to make friends.”

    “What do they have them in for?”

    “To quiet down the bulls and keep them from breaking horns against the stone walls, or goring each other.”

    “Must be swell being a steer.”  (pg. 124)

 

“Did the typewriter put you to sleep?”  (pg. 13)

    There was a lot more cussing than I expected from a book written in the 1920s.  I counted 27 instances in the first 20% of the book.  There were also a number of racial epithets, sexual orientation epithets, and one nationality epithet.  And of course, plentiful alcohol consumption on a daily and nightly occurrence contributed to the profanity level.

 

    My only editing quibble is minor: there is a lack of section breaks when a scene shift occurs in a paragraph.  I wouldn’t call it confusing, but was a bit irksome.

 

    I frankly wasn’t all that enthralled when I finished The Sun Also Rises.  Nothing much had changed for any of the characters, including Jake Barnes.  But reading the Wikipedia article about it increased my appreciation for what Ernest Hemingway was trying to convey.  It spawned a whole new style of writing, called “Modernism”.  And 100 years later, critics are still debating the merits of this book.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  Jake Barnes reveals early on that he has suffered a serious World War One wound that renders him impotent.  In real life, Ernest Hemingway also suffered a serious wound during the war.  Wikipedia is uncharacteristically vague about the details of Heminway’s wound.  But one has to wonder if he suffered the same disability as his protagonist did.

Diablo Mesa - Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

    2022; 385 pages.  Book 3 (out of 5) in the “Nora Kelly” series.  New Author(s)? : No, and No.  Genres : Archaeology; Thriller; Police Procedural.   Overall Rating: 9/10.

 

    Roswell, New Mexico.  Isn't that where Extraterrestrials crashed their spaceship back in 1947?  Everybody knows that.  And everybody knows the US government covered up the evidence.  Called it a weather balloon.  Or a Russian spy plane.

 

    Meet Lucas Tappan.  He’s got lots of money, and a permit to re-excavate the Roswell crash site. It’s been more than a half-century since “the incident” and that means the technology available for excavations has made some significant advancements.  All he needs to do now is hire a skilled archaeologist to lead the team of diggers.

 

    He wants Nora Kelly for the job, but she’s already turned him down.  Twice.  Apparently, she doesn’t believe any ETs ever crashed their UFO at Roswell.  She thinks digging there for little green corpses is a waste of time.

 

    If only there was some way for Lucas to convince her to change her mind.

 

What’s To Like...

    There are two main storylines in Diablo Mesa. One follows Nora Kelly the archaeologist; the other follows Corrie Swanson, an FBI agent who gets brought in when a pair of out-of-place-&-time bodies are discovered.  Both are recurring characters borrowed from Preston & Child’s Agent Pendergast series.  The main bad guy is revealed early on to the reader but not to our heroes.  I liked that he is a suitably resourceful foe.

 

    The storyline rapidly becomes more complex.  Some characters disappear; others turn up dead.  Lucas Tappan suspects there is a mole operating among the excavation team.  And there is a “is it Terrestrial or Extraterrestrial?” motif running throughout the tale, which the authors handle most superbly.

 

    Nora is stationed at the excavation site in Roswell, while Corrie spends time both at FBI Headquarters in Washington DC and other regional FBI offices.  The storyline alternates between their plot threads, which nicely eliminates any slow spots.  I loved that the Fermi Paradox gets worked into the tale, and chuckled at the discovery of a “Element 126”, a new atom never detected before on Earth.  Also, at one point ethanol is used to make explosive Molotov Cocktails.  Better living, and dying, through Chemistry!

 

    The ending is suitably exciting, over-the-top, and unexpectedly more logical than twisty.  There are understandable reasons for the baddies doing what they’re doing; and I was impressed by how deftly Preston & Child handled that.  Things close with a three-months-later Epilogue wherein all the surviving Good Guys are properly rewarded.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 11,616 ratings and 464 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.06*/5, based on 17,824 ratings and 1,356 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Why haven’t we heard from aliens?”

    Tappan gave her a dazzling smile.  “That is the question, isn’t it?  Dozens of answers have been advanced.  I favor the zoo hypothesis.”

    “You mean, we’re in a monkey house and don’t know it?”

    Tappan laughed.  “That’s not far off.  It’s similar to what Noam was telling your brother the other day.  The galaxy, the idea goes, is governed by an alliance of highly advanced civilizations, but we’re not yet ready to join them.  We’re either too primitive or too dangerous, or perhaps too dumb.  Contact would disrupt or even destroy us.  So we’re kept in a sort of nature preserve, where we’re being observed but contact isn’t allowed.”  (pg. 84)

 

    She reared back, cocked one fist, then hit him on the arm.

    “Whoa!” he cried as he sat up, massaging his arm.  “What was that for?”

    “You were lost in thought.  I needed to get your attention.”

    He glowered at her, one half of his visage crusted with dried blood, looking as two-faced as Janus.  “Well, you didn’t need to give me a hematoma in the process.”

    “You can fire me later.”  (pg. 319)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Diablo Mesa costs $9.99 at Amazon right now.  The other four books in the series will run you anywhere from $9.99 to $14.99.  Preston & Child’s most popular Agent Pendergast series, wherein Nora and Corrie first appear, is now up to 22 e-books; all in the $7.99-$12.99 price range.

 

“As Einstein said: most assumptions are wrong.”  (pg. 307)

    The profanity level in Diablo Mesa is moderate and about normal for Preston & Child novels.  I counted 19 instances in the first 20% of the book; plus one or two rolls-in-the-hay later on.  I didn’t spot and typos.

 

    My only quibble was with several characters who go missing and are presumed dead.  I kept waiting for confirmation of their demises, or their happy reappearances, but that never happened.  Oh well, maybe that means they come back in one of the sequels.

 

    Diablo Mesa is a fast-paced, well-researched Archaeological Thriller that’s every bit as good as a Preston & Child Agent Pendergast novel.  Regardless of what your personal opinion is of the “Are we alone in the Universe?” debate, this book will resonate with you.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point an FBI agent visits a dental office seeking dental records of a deceased person.  The request is refused due to violating HIPPA rules, which I can personally attest to being proper and realistic.  I was impressed by that.  I was equally impressed by the steps then taken by that FBI agent to circumvent those HIPPA regulations.

Sourdough - Robin Sloan

    2017; 259 pages.  Full Title: Sourdough, or Lois and Her Adventures in the Underground Market.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Fiction; Magical Realism; Baking.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

 

    Did you ever bite into a piece of food and find yourself transported into heaven?  If so, what type of food was it?  Was it French food, or maybe Italian?

 

    For Lois Clary, it was a fast-food “combo sandwich, double spicy”, courtesy of a nearby hole-in-the-wall eatery called Clement Street Soup and Sourdough.  Delivered on motorcycle by one of the two brothers that own the shop.

 

    Frankly, it was the bun that made the sandwich such a delightful culinary experience.  The sourdough was divine.  She guessed it was some sort of ethnic cuisine.  When she asked the delivery guy about it, he said, “It is the food of the Mazg!”

 

    That sounds Asiatic.  Vietnamese food, maybe.  Oh Lois, you’re in for a mouthwatering surprise.

 

What’s To Like...

   Sourdough is the follow-up to, and is written in the same style of Robin Sloan’s Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore.  The primary storyline is set in the San Francisco area; with occasional messages from a couple of cities in Europe.

 

    The story is told in the First-Person POV, but by two different narrators: Lois is the main one, and a guy named Beoreg is the other.  He is of Mazg extraction and does a lot of explaining to Lois.

 

    The central theme of the tale is Lois’s learning to deal with her “left-lobe/right-lobe” dichotomy.  Her primary job makes use of the analytical lobe of her brain: she’s a programmer for a tech company that builds “robotic arms” to perform repetitive tasks.  Their current project is how to get a robot to correctly crack open a raw egg.  Yeah, good luck with that one, Lois.

 

    Lois’s other brain lobe comes into play when she discovers the joy of baking sourdough bread.  What additives give it the best flavor?  What is the best texture of the bread?  And why does playing background music seem to affect the baking sourdough bread in weird ways?  Your analytical lobe won’t help you figure that out, Lois.

 

    It was fun to watch how Lois’s mental struggles impact her lifestyle.  Her newfound passion for baking sourdough loaves introduces her to new friends and moneymaking opportunities.  But it also competes with her programming time.  Ah, if only those two endeavors could be combined.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.2/5 based on 5,575 ratings and 634 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.75/5 based on 63,455 ratings and 10,158 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    It was Peter who recommended switching to the liquid meal replacement that he and many of the other programmers preferred, and that seemed easier to digest under the circumstances, which were extreme and unrelenting.

    “Slurry,” he said.  “It’s outstanding.”

    Slurry was a nutritive gel manufactured by an eponymous company even newer than General Dexterity.  Dispensed in waxy green Tetra Paks, it had the consistency of a thick milkshake.  It was nutritionally complete and rich with probiotics.  It was fully dystopian.  (pg. 17)

 

    “Come join us at Café Candide.”  It took her acolytes a moment to process what they’d just heard.  When they did, their eyes went wide, and they looked at me with bewilderment and horror.

    Clingstone continued.  “Bring the starter back to the café.  You’ll apprentice under Mona Rahut.  You met her.  There’s no better teacher.”

    I felt the disorientation of a generous offer that in no way lines up with anything you want to do: like a promotion to senior alligator wrestler, or an all-expenses-paid trip to Gary, Indiana.  (pg. 190)

 

Kindle Details…

    Sourdough currently sells for $11.99 at Amazon.  Robin Sloan’s main bestseller, Mr. Penumbras’s 24-Hour Bookstore, and his other novel, Moonbound, also cost $11.99.  He also has several novellas to offer for $2.99 apiece.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Pareidolia (n.) : the tendency to perceive a specific, often meaningful image in a random or ambiguous visual pattern – most commonly a human face.

 

He looked like the kind of person who might have taken up residence in a turnip restaurant in Berkeley. (pg. 159)

    There’s almost no cussing in Sourdough; I counted just six instances in the entire book.  I don’t recall any adult situations and I didn’t spot any typos.

 

    The writing is superb, the characters are unique and fun to meet; and there’s a lighthearted tone to the story that’s entertaining without devolving into silliness.  So how come the 63,455 readers at Goodreads only give it (on the average) a 3.75 rating?

 

    The storytelling is to blame.  Things start out well – strange happenings with the baking of sourdough; strange brothers running Clement Street Soup and Sourdough; strange faces in strange places.  Alas, none of those mysteries are satisfactorily resolved.  The ending is weak, involving some overeager Lembas acting up.  And if “lembas” sounds familiar, it’s that magical elven bread in LOTR.

 

    If you enjoyed Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore and/or are an avid bread baker, you’ll probably eat up Sourdough.  Pun intended.  Otherwise, don’t be surprised if the ending is a letdown.  Perhaps the intention is to deal with the unresolved plot threads in a sequel.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing. One of Lois’s new hobbies involves gaining membership in something called the “Lois Club”.  The only stipulation for joining this social club is that your first name has to be Lois.  Guess what!  Lois Clubs are real!  They’ve been around since 1979; they hold annual conventions; and they even have a Facebook group.  Google it.

Calculated Whisk - Lindsay Buroker

    2026; 294 pages.  Book 1 (out of 1, although that will change shortly) in the “Tales from the Dragon Diner” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Cozy Fantasy; Dragons; Humorous Fantasy.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    It’s good to be back in one’s old stomping ground, which in Rylana’s case means the city of Tranquility.  Actually, she grew up in a mansion across the lake from Tranquility, but she and her dad are estranged, and mostly she’s here because she’s broke and needs to find a job.

 

    Rylana was an archer in the Ore Wars, which are thankfully now over, and she's traveling with a fellow veteran, the elven assassin Sylin.  The stop in Tranquility is temporary: get a paying short-term job, collect some funds, and move on, hopefully without running into her father.

 

    Hey look!  There’s an eatery called “the Dragon Diner”.  Maybe they’re hiring.  Rylana and Sylin fought against the dragons in the Ore Wars, but hopefully, whatever dragon is running that diner isn’t a veteran.  And even if he is, the odds are slim that he’d recognize this warrior duo as a pair of former foes.

 

    Yeah, Rylana, about those slim odds…

 

What’s To Like...

   Calculated Whisk is the opening book in Lindsay Buroker’s latest fantasy series: Tales of the Dragon Diner.  The Amazon blurb labels it a work of Cozy Fantasy Fiction, which is very accurate, and is good to keep that in mind when reading it.

 

    Think of it as a “Hallmark Movie, With Dragons”.  The main plot thread involves the dragon who owns the diner, Jildarin, who is preparing to compete in a culinary competition held annually in Tranquility called “the Golden Whisk”.  The contest consists of three rounds, wherein the contestants are required to invent a new dish consisting of a trio of random ingredients.  They then can add in their personal selection of herbs and spices, and the final product is tasted by a panel of judges.  It is rumored that Jildarin's spice inventory includes some with aphrodisiac qualities.

 

    I liked the fantasy worldbuilding.  Tranquility is filled with a wide variety of creatures, including dragons, elves, goblins, golems, dwarfs, and gnomes, with an occasional wyvern flying overhead.  Dragons are also shape-shifters, although city statutes require them to maintain their human forms anywhere outside their abodes.  Also, all magical weapons are tied up with magical bonds by city guards when anyone enters the city.  Tranquility hates interspecies bloodshed.

 

    As expected in a Lindsay Buroker novel, witty dialogue abounds.  Both Rylana and Sylin have sharp tongues, even when conversing with each other.  See the first excerpt below.  Thrills-&-Spills take a back seat to Intrigue, although there is one epic dragon melee that lets the humans know who’s boss.  And although Rylana suspects Sylin’s been using her assassin skills to earn some cash, it’s best not to question her about it.

 

    The ending will make any Hallmark movie lover smile.  It isn’t particularly twisty, and face it, you already know who’s going to win the Golden Whisk.  But there is some skullduggery for Rylana to espy and deal with, and things end at a logical spot.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 769 ratings and 72 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.48*/5, based on 529 ratings and 52 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You’re a good friend,” Rylana said as they walked up the road toward the ferry.  “Even if you don’t consider me one.”

    “Assassins can’t allow themselves to get close to others, lest enemies manipulate them by their emotional attachments.”

    “You don’t think we were close when we were smashed into that closet together?  The hilt of your knife was jabbing into my kidney.”

    “Not emotionally close, no.  Feelings weren’t involved.”

    “Are you sure?  My kidney had some feelings.”  (pg. 183)

 

    Rylana gave Jildarin an approving gesture, but the announcer had said they could begin the second dish, and he was with the other chefs, gathering ingredients from the pantries and iceboxes.

    “Isn’t that Jildarin a dragon himself” someone murmured.

    “I didn’t think dragons could cook,” someone else said.

    “They can roast humans without trouble.”

    “That wouldn’t be allowed here.”

    “Are you sure?  They haven’t announced the ingredients for the last meal yet.”  (pg. 273)

 

Kindle Details…

    Calculated Whisk presently sells for $0.99 at Amazon, which is a great introductory deal..  The sequel, Knead for Speed, is due to come out on June 30^th.  You can preorder that one for $4.99.

 

“I’m friendly and charming and hardly ever roar at people.”  (pg. 77)

    As you’d expect, the profanity frequency is low in Calculated Whisk.  I counted just five instances in the first 25% of the book, although two of those were a “6-lettered C-word” that’s rarely encountered.  I spotted only one typo: R ylana/Rylana, and I bet that one cropped up during the printing phase.

 

    The subject of mating comes up a lot, and there’s a hint of romance in the storyline, but it’s not enough to scare off male fantasy readers.   I chuckled at the made-up word “zerg”.

 

    The past adventures of Rylana and Sylin, mostly their wartime years, are mentioned frequently.  This is my third Lindsay Buroker novel, and I don’t recall these two protagonists being mentioned in either of those books, but this author has written a slew of series, and I suspect they’ve both starred in some other of her tales.

 

    The biggest quibble (is that an oxymoron?) I can think of is that a whole bunch of secondary plot threads are left dangling at the end.  Will Rylana and her dad make up?  Will romance bloom in her near future?  Why are some elves hunting for Sylin?  And several more.  But that’s what sequels are for, isn’t it?

 

    I’m not a big “cozy reader”, but Calculated Whisk kept me turning the pages.  The pacing is good, the storytelling is masterful, and the wit abounds.  I was looking for a lighthearted magical read, and that’s exactly what I got.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  I don’t remember any person or creature dying in Calculated Whisk, despite one of the protagonists being a skilled assassin.  When’s the last time you read a book where that was true?