The Brightonomicon - Robert Rankin

2005; 404 pages. The eighth book in the "Brentford Trilogy" series. Yeah, I know; that's an oxymoron. Awards : Nominated for the British Fantasy Society's "Best Novel" in 2006. Genre : Humor, Fantasy. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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Young Rizla, who is suffering from amnesia after being tossed off a pier and drowning, signs on with his deliverer, one Hugo Rune; a.k.a. the Logos of the Aeon, The Guru's Guru, The Mumbo Gumshoe, The Hocus Bloke, and (perhaps most notably) The Reinventor of the Ocarina.

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Their quest - to locate and retrieve the Chronovision, a device that resembles a television set, with which it is possible, when tuned to someone's personal frequency, to witness any events that happened in the past through the eyes of that person.

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To do this, they need to solve 12 cases in and around Brighton, among which are retrieving a lost spaniel, thwarting the nefarious plans of alien space crabs, and finding the last descendant of Jesus Christ at a Heavy Metal concert.

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What's To Like...

Rizla plays Dr. Watson to Rune's Sherlock Holmes, spoofing that duo's case-solving talents. There are cool side characters to meet, such as Count Otto Black (the UE), and Fangio, who inexplicably is the bartender at every pub and restaurant our heroes stop at. Indeed, Fangio is just one of many "running gags" that Rankin uses throughout his books. You can see a more complete list of these at Wikipedia's article on Rankin here, where you can also see the titles of the rest of his books, which are cleverly hilarious.

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There are cool literary tips-of-the-hat, such as a minor character named Kilgore Sprout (hello, Kurt Vonnegut). And of course, the title itself references H.P. Lovecraft's Necronomicon.

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But what makes this book so good is the dialogue and the countless anecdotal asides, which will have you reading the book slowly so you don't miss any of the subtleties.

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You should know the book is written in "English", not "American", and that there are a lot of British references that may leave you stymied. I had a hard time figuring out what a Blue Peter presenter is, who Kathleen Maltwood was (and how she figures into this story), and where to find a Fortnum's Hamper.

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Kewl New Words...

Some of these are Britishisms. Hob : A kitchen shelf on which to keep kettles, etc. Raddling : Unkempt or rundown in appearance. Bonce : Slang for one's head. Insalubrious : Unhealthful; unwholesome. Toff : Slang for a member of the Upper Class; a fop. Charabanc : a sight-seeing bus. Amanuensis : An assistant who takes dictation. Remonstrate : To argue in protest or opposition. Salubrious : Opposite of insalubrious (see above).

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Excerpts...

"That's what we fought for," said Fangio. "That and the silk stockings, of course. Not to mention the powdered egg."

"The powdered egg?" I queried.

"I told you not to mention that. Kindly get out of my bar." (pg. 45)

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I did not have to travel far to find the rooms of Professor Nestor. He occupied those that were above the rooms that Mr. Rune and I occupied, which were below his, which were, in turn, above ours. (pg. 126)

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The lounge was long and low and lost in a dream that was forever yesterday. The chrome shone like oil beads on a Chevy's tail fin and the guy who stood behind the counter copped me a glance like he was whistling 'Dixie' through the wrong end of a clarinet. I crossed the bar with more aplomb than a pagan pedal-pusher at a podophiliac's picnic and acquainted myself with my favourite barstool. (pg 151).

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The worm of time turns not for the cuckoo of circumstance. (pg. 93).

Despite being part of a series, this is a stand-alone book. Robert Rankin is a great new author to get acquainted with, but it's hard to find his books. He's well-liked in Great Britain, but somehow hasn't "jumped the pond" just yet. I give The Brightonomicon nine stars, only because the cases themselves got a bit repetitive after a while. The other book of his that I've found is The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse. How can you go wrong with a title like that?

It All Started With Columbus - Richard Armour

1953 (but also 1961, and 1971); 129 pages. Full Title (1971 Version) : It All Started With Columbus - A Merry Mangling of American History from Columbus to Nixon. Genre : Humor. 1971 New Price : $1.95. 2009 Used Price : $2.00. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

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This is Richard Armour's whimsical, tongue-in-cheek recounting of American History. 130 pages of wordplay, puns, and details (both real and contrived) covering 5 centuries of New World happenings.

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What's To Like...

It's good, old-fashioned, 50's, clean humor. If there was something "purer" than a "G Rating", this would get it. That's quite a feat when you consider that Armour has to deal with topics like slavery, Communism, Hitler, and Custer's Last Stand.

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Despite the book's brevity, every US President gets at least a short mention here. As does every war. Armour shows no partiality - you can't tell if he was a Republican or Democrat in real life.

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The footnotes are funny (maybe this is where Pratchett got his inspiration for the footnotes in the Discworld series), and there are five zany-funny "tests" scattered throughout the book. If only my college history exams had been this easy and entertaining.

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This is not a historical reference. Armour invents "facts" to set up his puns. The sense of humor is witty, but unvarying (think Red Skelton monologues, if you're old enough to remember his TV show), so adults may find it a bit tedious after a while. Except for a couple "bundled" offerings at Amazon, all of Armour's books seem to be out-of-print. I found this one at a used-book store. The next-best bet for these is your local library.

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Excerpts...

William Penn, on the other hand, came to America to collect some land the King owed his father. He belonged to a frightened religious sect known as the Quakers. So that he would not be forgotten, he gave his name to the Pennsylvania Railroad, the Pennsylvania Station, and the state prison, which is known as the Penn. (pg. 11)

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John Quincy Adams was the second Adams to become president. He is not to be confused with his father, John Adams, who was the first Adams but the second president, or with his Uncle Sam Adams (who was not the real Uncle Sam, except to his nieces and nephews). It was fortunate for us, if not for the second John Adams, that he had the Quincy, which the first John did not. (pg. 49)

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About the only good thing for which Harding is remembered is the Disarmament Conference. This was a meeting held in Washington at which each nation sought to disarm all the others. There was great enthusiasm, and the delegates all went home with souvenirs which they melted down and made into cannons. (pg. 103)

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What this country needs is a good street sweeper. (closing sentence)

This was a nostalgic read for me. There are six "It All Started With" Armour books, and the local library where I grew up had most of them. When I was 10-13, I was into this kind of humor, and would borrow these time after time and wear them out in memorizing the puns. So to some degree, I have Richard Armour to thank for my love of reading and libraries.

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There are some people who believe that nowadays we don't find a joke funny unless there is sex, cussing, booze/drugs, and/or racial stereotyping in it. Maybe so, but 50 years ago that wasn't true, and IASWC is proof of it.

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Although I still enjoyed IASWC this time around, I didn't find myself laughing out loud at any point. Perhaps my tastes in humor have changed. Or perhaps I've read this book once too often. We'll give it seven stars, and recommend it to any adult who still enjoys clean puns and wordplay; and especially to anyone who has kids aged 8-12 who like history and joke books.

End of the Beginning - Harry Turtledove

2005; 519 pages. Genre : Alternate History. Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

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This is the sequel to Days of Infamy (reviewed here), in which the Japanese followed up their surprise bombing of Pearl Harbor with a successful land invasion of Hawaii. End Of The Beginning begins in early 1943, with the Americans building up a massive force to try and retake Hawaii, and the Japanese working feverishly to construct impregnable defenses.

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What's To Like...

Turtledove uses his usual style here - telling the story via POV's of about a dozen individuals. There are a couple American soldiers, of course; but we also get to follow two POW's, a number of Japanese soldiers and brass, and representatives of the various ethnic groups that were on the islands at the time - Japanese, Whites, and native Hawaiians. Our surfer dude is back, as is the (Hawaiian) Japanese dad dealing with his two high school kids who think of themselves as Americans. And for you romantics, there's a love story between one of those sons and a teenage white girl.

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Turtledove has a nice feel for Japanese expansionism and Hawaiian nationalism. He also acquaints you with the horrors of living under WW2 Japanese occupation. If you're not familiar with things like the Bataan Death March, enforced conscription into "Comfort Houses", working POW's literally to death, and a flagrant disregard for the Geneva Convention (which, to be fair, Japan had never signed); this book will open your eyes.

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There are some weaknesses. Like the book/movie, The Longest Day, it takes forever for the action to get going. If you're going to read EOTB for the war strategy and killing, just skip the first 240 pages or so. The good news is, once the shooting starts, Turtledove is in his element, and the second half of the book scoots along just fine. And as is true in all wars, some of the good guys die; some of the bad guys survive.

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There is the author's usual penchant for repeating himself. You will be told umpteen times that mortar fire is scary because it can land right on top of you before you hear it; that a pilot should always obey the flagman when landing; that maltreated POW's keep getting skinnier and skinnier; and that American soldiers aren't as soft as the Japanese soldiers believed. Veteran Turtledove readers learn to accept this. You also have to accept cusswords, racial epithets, and graphic sex scenes.

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Kewl New Words...

None. Although Factotum showed up again. That word is stalking me.

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Excerpt...

Commander Minoru Genda walked past the front entrance to Iolani Palace. Fairy terns, almost whiter than white, floated through the blue, blue Hawaiian sky. The flag of the newly restored Kingdom of Hawaii fluttered on five flagpoles above the late-Victorian palace. Seeing that flag made Genda smile. The Hawaiians had gone out of their way to accommodate both Britain and the United States, with the Union Jack in the canton and red, white, and blue horizontal stripes filling the rest of the field.

Much good it did them, the Japanese officer thought. (opening paragraphs)

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Shigata ga nai... (see pg. 137)

EOTB is an easy read and kept my interest better than I'd feared. Turtledove gives you a well-reasoned answer to "what if the Japanese had conquered Hawaii in December 1941?" And maybe that's the drawback of the book - you can pretty much predict the USA's response and the ultimate outcome. Turtledove is also accurate about the brutality of the occupation. But if you've ever read about what the Philippines went through in WW2 under the Japanese heel, you can anticipate what happens here.

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This is not a stand-alone book, and I'm not sure who the target audience is. It's too crude for kids; and adult readers might be looking for a bit more depth. We'll give it 5½ stars, because Turtledove can spin a good, well-researched story and has a knack for asking cool, Alt-History "what if" questions. Just keep in mind that it's fiction, not literature.

Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman

2005; 387 pages. Awards : Locus Award, British Fantasy Society Award, Mythopoeic Award (all 2006). A NY Times #1 Best Seller (2005). Gaiman declined to have it nominated for a Hugo Award (which seems a bit strange). Genre : Contemporary Fantasy. Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

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Fat Charlie is in London, unenthusiastically planning his wedding, when word comes that his estranged father has died while on a karaoke stage in Florida. He reluctantly travels across the pond to pay his respects, and learns two surprising facts. First, his father was a god (Anansi). Second, he has a brother (Spider). The brothers meet, and Gaimanesque insanity ensues.

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What's To Like...

This is a wonderfully-written book; full of humor, wit, murder and mayhem, love, and unexpected twists and turns. We won't give any details here, as spoilers would ruin the reading experience.

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The brothers constitute a complete Odd Couple. Fat Charlie is the epitome of boring normalcy, but you can't help but like him. Spider lives for the moment, is all about excitement and not having ties to anything, and seems to have inherited all of his father's magical abilities. You can't help but warm to him as well.

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All the characters (and gods) are interesting, and even the baddies have a certain charm. The story wraps up neatly, and you're left wanting more.

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Kewl New Words...

Lubricious : Having a smooth and slippery quality (I guess I should've deduced that one). Nictitating : Blinking the eyes. Koan : A puzzling, paradoxical statement or story. Snog : to touch with the lips against someone's mouth, cheek, etc. as an expression of love or greeting. Saveloy : A ready-cooked and highly-seasoned sausage.

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Excerpts...

It begins, as most things begin, with a song.

In the beginning, after all, were the words, and they came with a tune. That was how the world was made, how the void was divided, how the lands and the stars and the dreams and the little gods and the animals, how all of them came into the world. (opening paragraphs, pg. 1)

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Until now Spider had regarded women as more or less interchangeable. You didn't give them a real name, or an address that would work for longer than a week, of course, or anything more than a disposable cell-phone number. Women were fun, and decorative, and terrific accessories, but there would always be more of them, like bowls of goulash coming along a conveyor belt, when you were done with one, you simply picked up the next, and spooned in your sour cream. (pg. 186)

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Absatively!!

Anansi Boys is a spin-off of American Gods, but is not as dark and not as epical. The fate of the world doesn't hang in the balance; just the family sanity. Yet that doesn't mean it's a lesser work. Essentially, it plays "The Hobbit" to AG's "Lord of the Rings". I really can't think of any negatives to point out. So we'll give it 9½ Stars, and recommend it highly to all Gaimaniacs.

Nine Dragons - Michael Connelly

2009; 374 pages. A NY Times Bestseller (but what isn't?). Genre : Crime Fiction. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

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In a tough L.A. neighborhood, an elderly Chinese shop owner is brutally gunned down. Detective Harry Bosch investigates, and as he pieces the case together, he's introduced to Chinese gangs known as The Triads. Alas, someone is leaking information to the baddies and he gets a phone call telling him to back off. Then his daughter is kidnapped in Hong Kong, and a video of her, bound and gagged, is sent to Harry as a message.

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Now Harry has a very limited amount of time to rescue his daughter half a world away, then get back before his suspect flees L.A. to the safety of mainland China.

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What's To Like...

It's an action-packed story with no slow spots. Besides working on the double-pronged case, Harry has to deal with a partner that no longer has any taste for the job and a colleague from the Asian Gang Unit who can't be trusted. Harry repeatedly has bouts of foot-in-mouth disease, and some of his theories turn out to be logical, sensible, and wrong.

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There are enough plot twists to keep you on your toes, and the ending wraps up nicely, without any loose ends. There are Chinese characters in the story (always a plus for me), and a lawyer who isn't your stereotypical scumbag.

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OCONS? I got your Ocons right here...

The main problem with Nine Dragons is that there are too many OCONs, which I just made up, and which stands for "Oh, come on now!". Here are three of them.

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a.) The shopkeeper takes three bullets at close range in the chest. He's bleeding out and has 30 seconds to live. Yet he has the presence of mind to grab a key piece of evidence and swallow it. Wow. That's not how I'd be using the last half-minute of my life. b.) In the kidnap video of Harry's daughter, she tries to kick the cameraman. She misses, but the camera jerks away for a second. And just happens to briefly record the view outside the hotel window. Which has not one, not two, but three identifying objects to help in locating the hotel. Talk about a lucky break. c.) Then there's the timing of the Hong Kong rescue mission. Harry has 24 hours after he lands there to locate his daughter, kill the baddies, rescue her, and get back on a plane to L.A. to stop the suspect from fleeing. And he succeeds. Sheesh. If only the perpetrator had been bin Laden.

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There are several other Ocons, which we'll skip so as to not give any spoilers. Suffice it to say, this is not a Police Procedural tale. Harry waltzes into Hong Kong, refuses to even contact the local police, sashays out with his daughter in tow while leaving nine corpses in his wake, and Hong Kong law enforcement is clueless the whole time. Yeah, like that would happen.

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Kewl New Words...

Funicular : describing a tram (or other conveyance) that goes up the side of a mountain, pulled by a cable. Gimballed : describing how a ship's compass is suspended so that it's unaffected by the movement of the boat. The technical aspect of a gimbal is interesting, but not worth detailing here.

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Excerpt...

"Kowloon," Starkey said. "Sounds sort of ominous."

"My daughter told me it means 'Nine Dragons.'"

"See, I told you. Who would name their neighborhood Nine Dragons unless they wanted to scare people away?"

"It comes from a legend. During one of the old dynasties the emperor was supposedly just a boy who got chased by the Mongols into the area that is now Hong kong. He saw the eight mountain peaks that surrounded it and wanted to call the place Eight Dragons. But one of the men who guarded him reminded him that the emperor was a dragon too. So they called it Nine Dragons. Kowloon." (pg. 143)

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Fu, Cai. Ai, Xi.

("Luck, Money, Love, Family", and tattooed on the shopkeeper's ankles)...

There's no denying that the Ocons present some believability issues. I don't think this will go down as one of the better Harry Bosch books. But Connelly has always been a master storyteller, and that's still true here. Nine Dragons is fiction, not literature; and works just fine as long as you don't stop to analyze the details. We'll give it 7 stars, recommending that you turn the right-hand half of your brain off and just enjoy the ride.

Yo, Tyrania - Ric Weiss

2010; 296 pages. Genre : Fiction; Satire. Suitable both for YA and adult readers. Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

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Full Disclosure. I have never met Ric, but I've followed his blog for years, and so am cyber-acquainted with him. His blog is here, and his new webpage is here. No promises were made re this review, and I paid full-price for my copy of Yo, Tyrania when I ordered it through my local Barnes & Noble. It is also available through Amazon. I truly enjoyed this book, but I recognize that knowing the author may subconsciously color my opinion a bit.

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Tyrania is a miniscule kingdom located high in the Alps, in or abutting Switzerland. Its horrible location (it is on the side of a mountain, not nestled in a valley), Neanderthal genes, and persistent inbreeding have left it isolated (except for a rare, straying tour bus) and technologically ignorant.

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12-year-old Queen Doreen is determined to change all that, and so recruits (or shanghais) a passing tourist, Eula Gibson, to teach her and a couple select friends all about the outside world. Mayhem, culture-shock, and intrigue ensue.

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What's To Like...

The author lays out an a Tyranian society vastly different from ours. Examples : no pets, tourists eat free, no weekends, and a genuine appreciation for noisy flatulence. He also gives you some great Tyranian idioms, a couple of which you can hear on the audio clip at his website.

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The characters are engaging. Our hero is a 30-year-old, black-American schoolteacher with a 'tude. The Tyranians are hilariously backward and none of them is "all black" or "all white". The good Queen is a bit of a brat; and the bevy of baddies are nevertheless likable. Then there are things like MacYeno's, St. Nuflurg's Day, and the Tyranian meaning of "Eula".

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The main theme seems to change every so often. It starts out as a The King and I story; then switches to focus more on the cultural impact (as in The Gods Must Be Crazy), and later still changes to political satire (think Animal Farm). At the end, it morphs into an action tale, which YA readers will eat up. Ric handles this all adeptly, and I'll avoid spoilers by simply saying that none of these four themes has a clichéd ending. Which is a pleasant change.

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There are some great references to oldie movies and TV shows - Lost In Space, The Sound of Music, Bewitched, Gentle Ben, F Troop, and one of my childhood favorites - Car 54, Where Are You? Most of these will probably leave any reader under 30 scrambling for Google. Some of the other references are equally obscure. I had to wiki Vladimir Zworykin to see why he was said to be one of the two major influences (the other being Eula) on Tyranian culture.

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Kewl New Words...

Précis : a summary or abstract. Plenitude : an ample quantity; a full supply. Inculcate : to teach and impress certain concepts on someone. Cachet : an indication of approved status; a mark of distinction. Prolix : tediously prolonged or wordy. Portmanteau : a new word made by combining two others (eg. : smog (smoke + fog) or chortle (chuckle + snort).

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Excerpts...

"This is your Congress?" Eula wondered, gaping at the motley bunch. "They look like the most hopeless scum you'd dredge out of a gutter."

"They are," Polonowitz replied. "They are chosen to legislate because they have no other useful skills." (pg. 34)

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She was a victim of a craving larger than herself. There was only one way to confront that craving. Despite all that had transpired, she felt compelled to return to Tyrania, land of the Silent Yodel, of the Burning Zvuts, of the Beaver reborn as a Phoenix - before she went bananas. (pg. 173)

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Fluytl klugs himsblek. Which is translated as :

It never pays to be in arrears

To those who'd impale you on their spears.

The overall style reminded me of another childhood favorite - Rocky & Bullwinkle - in that there was both a superficial storyline (for the YA readers) and a subtler, more complex one (for the adult readers). Both are quite enjoyable, but it has to vex an agent trying to determine a target audience.

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Ric points out that "all of the above" is a suitable answer, but the agent might counter with a memorable line from a long-forgotten movie. "A point in every direction is the same as no point at all."

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In the end, this is a labor-of-love that is well-written and honestly kept my interest throughout. We'll give it 8½ stars, and highly recommend it. So give your support to a first-time author (you can say you were reading him even before he first made the NYT best-sellers list) and pay a visit to your local Barnes & Noble store soon. Order Yo, Tyrania, while testily asking the salesclerk (as I did) why B&N isn't already stocking this hot, new novel.

Moving Pictures - Terry Pratchett

1990; 337 pages. Book #10 in the Discworld series. Genre : Fantasy; Comedy. Overall Rating : 6*/10.

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Moving Pictures is Pratchett's salute to the Motion Picture industry, here called "Holy Wood". The Ankh-Morpork alchemists have (re)-discovered something called "octo-cellulose", which plunges them into making movies (silents, and in black-&-white) and reviving the deserted patch where long ago in a bygone era, film lots and sets were once constructed.

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Going to the movies becomes instantly and incredibly popular in Ankh-Morpork. But something is not quite right. The equilibrium between reality and unreality has shifted. As the people become more enamored with the silver-screen fantasies, some of the real world is slipping away. And in its place...

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What's To Like...

Pratchett pays tribute to all sorts of movies and TV shows. To list a few : Lassie, Tom & Jerry (or is it Itchy & Scratchy?), The Thief of Bagdad, The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, Ben Hur, Jaws, and King Kong. So if movies are your thing, reading Moving Pictures will bring back fond memories.

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A lot of old Discworld friends are here - Gaspode the Wonder Dog (one of my favorites), Detritus the Troll, Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler (call him "CMOT" for short), the Librarian (Oook!), and all the Ankh-Morpork alchemists and wizards, including Archchancellor Ridcully.

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There is the usual plenitude of plotlines. For Mystery lovers, there's something called a resograph, which keeps shooting potentially-lethal pellets around the Unseen University hall for no discernible reason. For you Romantics, there's a trolls-in-love story. And if it's Action you want, how 'bout an Elephant Drive, with 1000 pachyderms tromping over everything, leaving only poop and dust in their wake?

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Quibbles...

The two main cinematic idols - Victor Tugelbend and Ginger (real name : Theda Withel) are kinda blah. Pratchett may have agreed; ANAICT, they're "once-and-dones". The plot is good, but it really doesn't get going until 2/3 of the way through the book. The book lacks the usual quantity of zaniness and humor we've come to expect of Discworld novels.

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But the ending is great. No spoilers here; we'll just say that it's kinda like watching an insane, inverted King Kong flick.

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Kewl New Words...

Crinoline : A hoop-skirt. Languorous : dreamy; lacking spirit or liveliness. Brassica : Cabbages, cauliflowers, turnips, and such (Pratchett somehow is able to turn this into an adjective). Fractious : Stubbornly resistant to authority or control. Pillock : A person whos's not very bright; an idiot.

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Excerpts...

"Now look here," said Rock, his voice winding up like a pitcher's arm. "What you're saying is, is OK for trolls to be shown bashing people with clubs, is not OK to show trolls have finer feelings like squashy humans?"

"She's not saying that at all," said Soll desperately. "She's not-"

"If you cut me, do I not bleed?" said Rock.

No, you don't," said Soll, "but-"

"Ah, yes, but I would bleed if I had blood..." (pg. 202)

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"It's deliquescing," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.

"Is it?" said the Chair. "I thought that was some kind of shop." (pg. 308)

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The Movies. The Magic. The Mayhem. And a Talking Mutt.

This is not the finest book in the Discworld series, but an "okay" Pratchett book is still pretty good. Personally, there were too many movie tributes and not enough plot for the first 200 pages. But I'm not a cinema buff.

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When the story finally does get going, Pratchett is back in his element, and it's a great read. But that's a lot of "meh" to wade through first. So we'll give it 6 stars, and suggest that if you've never read a Discworld book, don't make Moving Pictures your first one.

Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson

1999; 1130 pages. Awards : Locus Award 2000 - Best Sci-Fi Novel. Which is strange, since there's no science fiction in it. Nominated for a Hugo and an Arthur C. Clarke Award that same year. Genre : Cyberpunk; Historical Fiction. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Cryptonomicon alternates between two storylines. One is set in World War 2, and chronicles the cryptography and counter-intelligence tactics employed against the Axis. There are three main characters - Bobby Shaftoe, a GI grunt; Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse, who combines mathematics, code-breaking, and a learning disability; and Goto Dengo, who somehow survives an ordeal that makes Robinson Crusoe's fate seem like a walk in the park.

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The second storyline is set in the present, and follows the descendants of those WW2 characters as they try to set up an electronic-finance company, and their efforts to make it hacker-proof.

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What's To Like...

Not surprisingly, there are lots of descriptive passages. The WW2 parts are well-researched, as is (I presume) the modern-day hacking technology. Its simply amazing how "public" your PC is, thanks to techniques such as phreaking.

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Stephenson creates some vivid fictional places, such as a tropical sultanate called Kinakuta, and a North Sea area called Outer (and Inner) Qwghlm, with its very own Welsh-sounding, vowel-less language. He deftly moves characters all around the world in order to give a comprehensive picture of WW2 counterintelligence and modern day cyber-security. Oh yeah, the compendium of Cryptography, called the Cryptonomicon, is fictional too.

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There is some occasional sloppiness. "Qwghlm" becomes "Qwlghm" late in the book, and there is an unexplained resurrection to addle your mind. Stephenson regularly segues into flashbacks without telling you. There are lots of tangents to deal with, including ten pages about how Ares and Athena are kinda the same god/goddess, except different. Oog.

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Kewl New Words...

Lots of 'em. Here are the kewlest ones. Lissajous : a mathematically-defined curve (like what you see on an oscilloscope). Gnomon : the "arm" of a sundial that determines what time it is. Myrmidons : followers who carry out orders without question. Obloquy : a state of disgrace. Mickle (adj.) : great (here : "a mickle oath"). Tautological : needless repetition of the same sense, but in different words. Colloquy : a formal conversation. Lambency : the appearance of reflected light (as of a sunset on water). Lahar : an avalanche of water and mud down the slopes of a volcano.

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Excerpt...

They gave him an intelligence test. The first question on the math part had to do with boats on a river : Port Smith is 100 miles upstream of Port Jones. The river flows at 5 miles per hour. The boat goes through water at 10 miles per hour. How long does it take to go from Port Smith to Port Jones? How long to come back?

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Lawrence immediately saw that it was a trick question. You would have to be some kind of idiot to make the facile assumption that the current would add or subtract 5 miles per hour to or from the speed of the boat. Clearly, 5 miles per hour was nothing more than the average speed. The current would be faster in the middle of the river and slower at the banks. More complicated variations could be expected at the bends of the river. Basically it was a question of hydrodynamics, which could be tackled using certain well-known systems of differential equations.

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The ship had a band, and the Navy had given Lawrence the job of playing glockenspiel in it, because their testing procedures had proven that he was not intelligent enough to do anything else. (pgs. 26-27)

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Two tires fly. Two wail.

A bamboo grove, all chopped down

From it, warring songs. (the opening haiku)

You will enjoy Cryptonomicon if you're into WW2 history (I am), cryptography (I'm not), pure mathematics (I'm not), and/or computer hacking (I'm not). It is a book for geeks; but non-geeks can still enjoy the subtle humor (such as in the above excerpt) that runs throughout the book; and Stephenson's writing skills.

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The two storylines do eventually tie together, and there is a good ending. The modern-day plot is a yawner for a while - endless meetings, musings, and meandering around Manila. Cryptonomicon is a difficult, long read; so realize beforehand that you will be investing some major hours in this book. I give it 8 stars, cuz the WW2 parts were great, the writing is excellent, and we all really ought to occasionally read a book that's longer than 500 pages.

A Dirty Job - Christopher Moore

2006; 394 pages. Includes an "Are You A Beta Male" quiz in the Appendix, and a cool glow-in-the-dark book cover. Genre : Fiction; Humor. Overall Rating : 9½ */10.

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"Congratulations, you have been chosen to act as Death. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. It is your duty to retrieve soul vessels from the dead and dying and see them to their next body. If you fail, Darkness will cover the world, and Chaos will reign." (pg. 110)

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Thus does Charlie Asher, a Beta Male caring for his newborn daughter (Sophie), learn that he has been given a new job. And which isn't really a spoiler, since you can learn that much by reading the back-cover blurb.

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What's To Like...

There's great humor throughout. Extra credit for making me laugh out loud in a number of places. It's nice to have a Beta Male hero. Even if they don't attract the beautiful girls, remember : "The world may be led by Alpha Males but it is is run by Betas." (pg. 394)

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ADJ is almost a companion book of Moore's vampire books - You Suck and Bloodsucking Fiends. A number of characters from those make appearances here - The Emperor and his dogs, Lazarus and Bummer; the detectives Cavuto and Rivera; and the GF Abby. But there are plenty of new faces too - A tall, black guy in a dapper suit named Minty Fresh; a UE (or so he thinks) named Orcus; two bubble-bath loving hellhounds; and three hilarious harpy-like evilnesses called The Morrigan.

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There are lots of twists. There is Romance for you female readers. There are great metaphors, like "...the great orange towers of the Golden Gate Bridge jutted through the fog like carrots from the faces of sleeping conjoined twin snowmen" or "... the mailman was wearing headphones and listening to something that was inspiring him to bob his head like a pigeon feeding on amphetamines..." (both on pg. 46).

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And just to show you he's not limited to penning wacky humor, Moore inserts a moving interlude of seriousness into the story when Charlie's mother passes away.

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Kewl New Words...

Ramekin : A fire-proof dish (or a cheese dish made with eggs and bread crumbs cooked in said dish, but here it refers to the vessel itself). Shiksa : Jewish, meaning a non-Jewish woman, and a derogatory term. Multifarious : Having many aspects or facets; richly varied.

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Excerpts...

We've given plenty already, but here's one more.

"Why isn't that kid in school?" Rivera asked.

"She's special," Charlie said. "You know, homeschooled."

"That's what makes her so cheerful?"

"She's studying the Existentialists this month. Asked for a study day last week to kill an Arab on the beach." (pg. 70)

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Moore, if you please...

It's hard to think of any negatives. Spoofing Death may not be everyone's cup of tea. The "adult situations" may make some readers blanch. There are several cases of Deus Ex Machina. But who the heck cares? It's a fun read.

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The story has a good ending, yet leaves the door plenty open for a sequel. I'll probably eventually read a Moore book that leaves me "meh", but it hasn't happened yet. So far, he's 3-for-3. We'll give A Dirty Job 9½ stars. If you like Pratchett and Fforde, you will likely find Christopher Moore appealing to the palate.

Minority Report - Philip K. Dick

2002; 290 pages. A tie-in book with the Steven Spielberg movie. Genre : Sci-Fi Short Stories Anthology. Overall Rating : 6½ */10.

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Question : What do the movies Minority Report (with Tom Cruise), Blade Runner (with Harrison Ford), and Total Recall (with Arnold Schwarzensteroids) have in common? Answer : They're all based on stories penned by Philip K. Dick.

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This book is a collection of nine short tales by Dick, the longest of which is only 50 pages. All of them are futuristic sci-fi stories (think Robert Heinlein), and all of them have at least one cool twist in the plot.

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Simply The Best...

The showcase story of course is Minority Report, and it was my favorite of the bunch. The story tackles the subject of "free will vs. predestination", and has several unexpected turns in it.

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Second Variety is set in a world reminiscent of the future time-period in the Terminator movies, but was written way back in 1953. Oh, To Be a Blobel! is from 1964, and focuses on the plight of veterans, in this case hanging out at the VUW (Veterans of Unnatural Wars). What The Dead Men Say is also from 1964, and looks at cryogenics long before it was feasible. Ted Williams shooda read this one before he had himself froze.

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Simply The Rest...

The other five - Imposter, War Games, Electric Ant, Faith of our Fathers, and We Can Remember it for You Wholesale (the story Total Recall is based on) are "meh", but that's because they are mostly the shorter offerings in Minority Report. It's tough to write a memorable epic in 10 pages.

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Kewl New Words...

Vitiated : corrupted. Somatic : relating to the body (as opposed to the mind or spirit). Introject : to incorporate the characteristics of someone into one's own psyche unconsciously. Simulacrum : a vague or unreal semblance of something.

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Excerpts...

"With the aid of your precog mutants, you've boldly and successfully abolished the postcrime punitive system of jails and fines. As we all realize, punishment was never much of a deterrent, and could scarcely have afforded comfort to a victim already dead."

They had come to the descent lift. As it carried them swiftly downward, Anderton said : "You've probably grasped the basic legalistic drawback to precrime methodology. We're taking in individuals who have broken no law."

"But they surely will," Witwer affirmed with conviction. (pgs 2-3).

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The peddler reached, selected a gray paper packet. "Sixty trade dollars," he stated. "With a full guarantee; if it does not do as promised, return the unused portion for a full and cheery refund."

"And what," Chien said cuttingly, "is it guaranteed to do?"

"It will rest eyes fatigued by the countenance of meaningless official monologues," the peddler said. "A soothing preparation; take it as soon as you find yourself exposed to the usual dry and lengthy sermons which-" (pg. 233)

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A couple words about Philip K. Dick...

Although he won a Hugo Award for Best Novel in 1963, for most of his life, Philip K. Dick (his real name, and the "K" stands for "Kindred") was an unknown, starving artist. The Wikipedia article on him is here. His mental health was shaky at best, but it allowed him to meet God (who went by the name of "Valis") and have metaphysical visions. The drugs probably contributed to this.

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He died just as work was starting on the movie Blade Runner. Like John Kennedy Toole, he achieved fame and fortune only after he passed away. Today, his biggest following seems to be out on the Internet, where devoted readers of Dick regularly tout his works.

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The Ver-Dick...

One needs to remember who the target audience was for these stories. Most of them appeared initially in sci-fi magazines and anthologies. Teenage boys care very little about things like character development and literary merits. The only thing that matters is the storyline. That pretty much sums up the style here. Fiction this is. Literature it ain't.

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These are entertaining tales, but only if you're into 60's sci fi. Because of their shortness, there isn't a lot of depth. So I wonder - does he flesh out the plotlines and characters in his full-length novels? Heinlein's novels, of the same genre and written in the same time-period, certainly have substance. I give Minority Report 6½ stars - because it's above-average in what it sets out to do - introduce you to a new author, presumably after you saw the movie. Just keep your expectations in line with whom Dick was writing for.

Thursday Next - First Among Sequels - Jasper Fforde

2007; 362 pages. #5 in the Thursday Next series (or #6, if you count "The Great Samuel Pepys Fiasco"). Genre : Fictional Book-Jumping. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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It's been 14 years since the events in Something Rotten. Thursday Next is now ostensibly living a quiet life with hubby Landen and three kids (Friday, Tuesday, and Jenny). She's working for a carpet company, but the carpet company is a front for the officially disbanded SpecOps, and SpecOps is a front for Thursday's job with Jurisfiction.

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Trouble is a-brewin'. There's a Stupidity Surplus in England and Reading Rates are down. Cheese-smuggling is rampant and the Minotaur is still on the loose. The Hades family is back in action, as is Goliath Corp. Not only is The End Of Time rapidly approaching, but what they do to Pride And Prejudice is absolutely intolerable.

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What's To Like...

It's vintage Fforde - lots of threads and lots of wit. There are multiple Thursdays, multiple Fridays, multiple timelines, and lots of books-jumping. Fforde teases you with oodles of plot detail tidbits, and you have to figure out whether they're red herrings, MacGuffins, loose ends, or integral parts of one of the plotlines. There's some of each.

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Some old friends are back. Uncle Mycroft has died, but his ghost still putters around in the workshop. Pickwick has lost all her feathers and needs a knitted sweater. Even the Cat Formerly Known as Cheshire shows up.

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The book gets off to a slow start. Fforde spends a lot of time with the back-story, especially explaining how all the SpecOps and Jurisfiction departments are set up. After a hundred pages, I was beginning to wonder when the action would begin. I shouldn't've worried. The last 250 pages are fantastic.

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Kewl New Words...

Marram : a type of grass usually found on beaches. Profligate : wildly extravagant. Duvet : a soft quilt, usually filled with down. Privet : a European shrub, commonly used to make hedgerows.

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Excerpts...

"Splendid! I just had an idea for a cheap form of power : by bringing pasta and antipasta together, we could be looking at the utter annihilation of ravioli and the liberation of vast quantities of energy. I safely predict that an average-size cannelloni would be able to power Swindon for over a year. Mind you, I could be wrong." (pg. 18)

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"...and the first classic to be turned into a reality book show?"

"Pride and Prejudice, announced Yogert proudly. "It will be renamed The Bennets and will be serialized live in your household copy the day after tomorrow. Set in starchy early-nineteenth-century England, the series will feature Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and their five daughters being given tasks and then voted out of the house one by one, with the winner going on to feature in Northanger Abbey, which itself will be the subject of more 'readeractive' changes." (pg. 272-73)

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Paragraph Lost...

This was a delightful read, so it rates Nine Stars. First Among Sequels ends by setting up the next book, which is titled "One of our Thursdays is Missing".

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My only concern is whether Fforde's getting burnt out on the Thursday Next tales. This book came out in 2007. He's promised us at least one more book in the "Nursery Crime" series; and his most-recent offering is Shades Of Grey, the first story in a new trilogy. Will he run out of new twists in the book-jumping theme? Is he looking for novel challenges? Oh well. Even if it ends with the next installment, it's been fun following Thursday's exploits.

The Food Of The Gods - H.G. Wells

1904; 254 pages. Full Title : "The Food of the Gods And How it Came to Earth". 1967 price (new) : $0.75.; used-book price today : $2.00. Genres : Classic Fiction; Early Sci-Fi; Edwardian Literature. Overall Rating "B".

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The sci-fi premise : There is a compounf in young animals and plants that causes them to have growth spurts. This discontinues once the organism has reached a certain age or size. But what if that compound could be identified, made, and fed for a longer time to the organism?

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Two turn-of-the-century scientists research and synthesize the compound ("The Food of the Gods") and decide to test it on hatchlings at an experimental farm. It works, but things immediately go awry because the farm custodians - think Ma & Pa Kettle - are incredibly sloppy with the FOTG. Soon wasps, earwigs, and rats get into it and grow to unheard-of size, and when it falls into the soil, gigantic plants result. Then the scientists start feeding it to infants.

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What's To Like...

H.G. Wells is often called the "father of science fiction", so this is primordial stuff. The structure of the plot is different from both modern and 50's sci-fi, the latter of which was my first taste of this genre. There is a subtle, British humor throughout the book (including chortle-inducing names), but the real difference is the switching from one theme to another.

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TFOTG starts with your standard "Jurassic Park" theme. Giant, rampaging critters wreak mayhem o'er the land. Crichton could build this into a trilogy, but it only takes Wells about 100 pages to resolve it.

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Then the story switches to a sociological theme. Wells looks at how the new phenomenon changes the lives of the local humans. Giant rats and wasps that can kill affect our position at the top of the food-chain. So do 40-foot tall humans.

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The last third of the book switches to a political theme. Friction inevitably develops between the "giants" and the "pigmies", especially when the latter expect the former to confine themselves to restricted areas and only do menial jobs. Wells was an avowed socialist, and it is rather obvious that the giants here represent the lower classes.

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Surprisingly, this was a slow-read for me. The sentences are long and complex, with lots of flowery verbiage. Oh well, at least it isn't Milton.

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Kewl New Words...

There were a bunch. Teufteufing : making the onomatopeian sound of a motor (French). Eleemosynary : dependent on, or considered to be, an act of charity. Cavil : trivial objections. Gride : to produce a grinding sound. Almoner : one who distributes alms or takes care of the material and social needs of patients in a hospital. Irruption : a sudden, violent entrance or bursting in. Navvy : a laborer required to do menial work. Intercalary : inserted into the calendar to make it correspond to the solar year (think February 29th). Chalybeate : containing salt of, or tasting like, Iron. Importunate : expressing earnest entreaty. Selvedge : the ornamental border of a carpet, designed not to fray. Adumbration : vague advance portents; an indistinct foreshadowing.

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Excerpts...

They were of course quite undistinguished-looking men, as indeed all true scientists are. There is more personal distinction about the mildest-mannered actor alive than there is about the entire Royal Society. (pg. 20)

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Lady Wondershoot liked bullying Caddles. Caddles was her ideal lower-class person, dishonest, faithful, abject, industrious, and inconceivably incapable of responsibility. (pg. 134)

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"Look at them! And I know their father, a brute, a sort of brute beast with an intolerant loud voice, a creature who has run amuck in our all too merciful world for the last thirty years or more. An engineer! To him all we hold dear and sacred is nothing." (pg. 183)

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A different world...

The thing I like most about The Food of the Gods is the way Wells depicts life in the English countryside 100+ years ago. The first motorcars had just begun to appear on the streets. Most people still rode horseback or in wagons. There were lots of small, rural villages, all essentially isolated. There was no radio and no TV, the news came from neighbors or newspapers. Science was more a hobby than an industry.

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This is not one of Wells' better-known books, but it's still good. I'll give it a "B", content to know that there is some Edwardian reading out there that isn't chick-lit.

Hurricane Punch - Tim Dorsey

2007; 362 pages. Book #8 in Dorsey's Serge Storms series. Genres : Humor, Crime Fiction, Beach Novel. Overall Rating : "B+".

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Serge Storms, a lovable serial killer (he'd prefer the tag "impromptu dispenser of justice") and Coleman, a complete stoner (he'd prefer the tag "complete stoner") crisscross the state of Florida, eliminating obnoxious characters, enjoying the balmy weather in the eyes of hurricanes, avoiding the relentless pursuit of Agent Mahoney, and trying to figure out why a copycat killer is trying to steal the limelight from Serge.

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What's To Like...

The book is laugh out loud funny, as humorous as a Bill Bryson book. There is a nice twist at the end, but as with Stephanie Plum novels, the dialogue and interplay between the characters is more important than the story. Coleman is a hoot (think "Chong" of Cheech and Chong); and Serge is charmingly charismatic.

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There is sex and cussing, but it fits here. Then there are the ingenious ways which Serge devises to dispense his vigilante justice. For instance, the wanna-be-a-black-guy white guy who plays his truck stereo at 2000 decibels is dispatched by converting a hotel room into the inside of a giant speaker, tying the offender to a chair in the middle, and zapping his insides with enough reverb to register on the Richter scale. Hannibal Lecter would be jealous.

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This was my first Serge Storms book. Dorsey doesn't start with a backstory, so I was a bit confused initially about Serge and Coleman's roles. Also, Serge is a veritable walking encyclopedia of Florida history, culture, and geographical trivia. That's great if you're a Floridian; alas I'm not. But I quibble.

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Kewl New Words...

Factotum : an employee who serves in a variety of capacities. (Jeez. I go 50 years without ever meeting this word, and then it crops up in two books in a row). Truculent : disposed to fighting; defiantly aggressive.

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Excerpt...

She covered the phone and gave Serge an inconvenienced look. "Who are you?"

"The new guys."

"I haven't seen you before."

"We're new." Serge looked back at Coleman. "Take note. That's why she's behind the counter."

"What'd you say?"

"I was telling him I can see how you got to be back there."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a neutral statement, personally subjective, like a psychiatrist's butterfly inkblot. If you feel bursting with success, take it as a compliment. If not, consider it a cultural intervention."

She squinted with cranial discomfort. "What are you talking about?"

"Exactly. And that's the question you have to answer for yourself." (pg. 209)

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It's only funny until someone gets hurt - then it's hilarious.

Dorsey is often (and aptly) compared to Carl Hiaasen. I've read one book by each author, and so far I find Dorsey much more entertaining and funny. Admittedly, he walks a fine line by making a serial killer and a dopehead his two main heroes. But it works.

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There's nothing deep here - so take Hurricane Punch to the beach with you when you plan to work on your tan. Yet it was delightfully entertaining, and I'm sure I'll end up reading more in the series.

Factotum - Charles Bukowski

1975; 205 pages. Genre : Autobiographical Fiction. Overall Rating : "C-".

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Lifestory-wise, Factotum follows Ham On Rye. Henry "Hank" Chinaski (Bukowski's alter ego) has just moved out of his parents' house and away from L.A. The book opens with him arriving in New Orleans. For the rest of the book, Chinaski moves from city-to-city; from low-paying job-to-job; and from one drunken bender to the next. The story is set during World War 2, with Chinaski having been deferred from the armed service.

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What's To Like...

Factotum is a quick read, without any complexity to slow you down. If you want to find out what living on Skid Row feels like, this is the book for you. If you want to feel good about your present employment, the various crappy jobs that Chinaski works at (albeit briefly each time) will make yours look much better.

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The problem with Factotum is there's no progress. Chinaski's life consists of booze, cigarettes, look for a job, booze, sex, cigarettes, get hired, booze, cigarettes, booze, sex, get fired, booze, move to another city. Then start the cycle all over again. Halfway through, you can throw "play the horses" sporadically into the above routine. Repeat the whole process about eight times, and you're done.

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There's also a bit of TMI. There's not enough money for both toilet paper and booze, so guess which one isn't bought? NBD, one can always use the newspaper as TP. Except that it doesn't do as efficient of a job as the real stuff. Or so writes Bukowski. I'll take his word for it.

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It's hard to tell how much is fiction and how much is simply me being naive about the dregs of society. Chinaski only has one pick-up line, and that's, "Hey, baby. How 'bout lifting your skirt?" But it seems to get good results. Hmmm. Is that wishful fantasy, or is that how one really establishes social relations on Skid Row?

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Kewl New Words...

Factotum : a servant employed to do a variety of jobs. (fits Chinaski to a tee). 86'd : To be refused service. (previously, I only knew it as meaning "to be killed").

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Excerpts...

That was all a man needed : hope. It was lack of hope that discouraged a man. I remembered my New Orleans days, living on two five-cent candy bars a day for weeks at a time in order to have leisure to write. But starvation, unfortunately, didn't improve art. It only hindered it. A man's soul was rooted in his stomach." (pg. 63)

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National Bakery Goods was located nearby. They gave me a white smock and a locker. They made cookies, biscuits, cupcakes and so forth. Because I had claimed two years of college on my application, I got the job as Coconut Man. The Coconut Man stood up on a perch, scooped his shovel into the shredded coconut barrel and dumped the white flakes into a machine. (pg. 189-90)

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Even though it follows Ham On Rye story-wise, Bukowski wrote Factotum seven years before he penned HOR. The style is similar - blunt and gritty - but HOR is much more interesting. Maybe it's because HOR is about Chinaski's development as a youth. Or maybe Bukowski in 1982 was just a more accomplished writer than he was in 1975.

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My son had clued me in that reading Bukowski was a hit-or-miss affair. After two "hits" - see the reviews here and here, this one was a "miss" for me. There is some earthy humor, and some insightful musing, but not enough of either. My next Buko book will undoubtedly be either some of his poems or his short stories, but not another part of his 5-volume autobiography.

Un Lun Dun - China Mieville

2007; 471 pages. Awards : NY Times Bestseller; 2008 Locus Award for Young Adult Book. Miéville has won a Locus Award four times. Genre : YA; Sci Fantasy. Overall Rating : "A".

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Un Lun Dun = UnLondon = an alternate dimension London. Geographically, it's in the same place as London, but there the similarity ends. When 12-year-olds Zanna and Deeba inadvertently stumble iacross the dimensional threshold, they encounter all sorts of strange new things - Binja (martial arts-wielding trash bins); Webminster Abbey (watch out for the spider thingies); Unbrellas (this is where broken umbrellas from our dimension migrate to); and giraffes you definitely don't want to cross paths with. Oh, and an evil presence ("the Smog") just happens to be threatening the very existence of UnLondon at that moment.

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What's To Like...

There's a great storyline; some delightful wordplay and fabulous characters to meet. This is kind of a cross between Lewis Carroll's Through The Looking Glass, Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, and Good Omens by Pratchett and Gaiman. You'll find it in the "Young Adult" section of your bookstore, but adults will enjoy it too.

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Miéville has a message here, but there's no preaching and he "shows rather than tells". He also has an artistic touch, and he's sprinkled a bunch of his sketches throughout the book. One drawing shows what a "house-sized fist, carved out of stone, with windows in its knuckles" looks like. Neat.

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Kewl & New Words...

Un Lun Dun is written in "English" (as opposed to "American") so there are a lot of Britishisms here. Miéville conveniently lists of bunch of these in an Appendix at the back of the book. Here's a sampling : bog off; do a bunk, knackered, lairy, manky, minging, sarky, shtum, take the Michael, and yonks. "Knackered" I know; all the rest were new to me.

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Excerpts...

They ran past chefs baking roof-tiles in their ovens and chiseling apart bricks over pans, frying the whites and yolks that emerged; past confectioners with jars full of candied leaves; past what looked like an argument at a honey stall between a bear in a suit and a cloud of bees in the shape of a man. (pg. 36)

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"Where's it going?" Zanna said.

"Crossing the Odd, to some of the other abcities," Jones said."If you're brave enough to try, you might be able to catch a train from UnLondon to Parisn't, or No York, or Helsunki, or Lost Angeles, or Sans Francisco, or Hong Gone, or Romeless... It's a terminus." (pg. 60)

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To be or not to be. That is the quest...

Almost all "quest" novels contain the same elements. There's always a Chosen One, who's almost always the most unlikely one of the bunch. There are always some prophecies, which are true but inevitably misinterpreted. Our hero always assembles an intrepid band of colleagues to help him, who always manage to stay alive at the very least until the climactic ending. If they do die earlier, they always come back as some sort of ethereal ally. There's always an Ultimate Evil, and there's almost always an Ultimate Artifact that amazingly can penetrate the UE's one-and-only Achilles' heel. But to get that UA, there are always a bunch of mini-quests to do.

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Un Lun Dun is a quest story. But it seems as if Miéville wrote it with the idea of violating as many of those sacred quest elements as possible. The result is a refreshingly different read.

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I thoroughly enjoyed Un Lun Dun, so it gets an "A"from me. There are even enough unessential loose ends (is that an oxymoron?) to leave the door open for a sequel. If you like Gaiman, Pratchett, Pullman and Carroll, you'll love this book.

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim - David Sedaris

2004; 257 pages. #1 National Bestseller, whatever that means. Genre : Anecdotal Humor; Semi-autbiography. Overall Rating : "C".

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22 stories from David Sedaris about growing up in a dysfunctional family and coping with a world that still gets freaked out by gays. The time period is roughly from the 5th Grade to the present.

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What's To Like...

As always, there are some laugh-out loud funny tales here. Rooster At The Hitchin' Post is about Sedaris' younger brother's wedding, performed by a psychic found in the phone book, and with music by JD the DJ who by day works in the penitentiary.

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Possession is about looking for the perfect apartment with his partner, Hugh, only to discover the two of them have very different ideas about decor and ambiance. In fairness, David is smitten by Anne Frank's apartment in Amsterdam (which is a museum and not for rent), so Hugh's choices were probably the more sensible.

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For a change, not all the stories are zany. Baby Einstein is about the family coping with the complications at the birth of brother Paul's first child. Everyone survives, but just barely, and Paul's wife, Kathy, can have no more babies. Chicken in the HenHouse is Sedaris stressing out about the public's misconception (at least in his mind) that gay guys are also by definition pedophiles.

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Unfortunately, some of the stories were neither funny nor heartwarming. Let It Snow is about the Sedaris kids, out in wintry weather and bored, convincing the youngest sister to trustingly lay down in the middle of the road in order to make cars swerve to miss her. Mom gets wind of it, comes out and cusses out all her kids, and that's that.

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Kewl & New Words...

Just a couple, and they're mostly technical ones. Delft : a style of glazed earthenware - usually white with blue decoration (think Dutch china). Découpage : art produced by decorating a surface with cutouts, usually of paper. (as a youngster, Sedaris had done this to the electrical wall sockets in his bedroom). Sedaris also assumed I knew who Dorothea Lange was. You're not acquainted with her either? Here's her Wiki entry.

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Excerpts...

He knew how to plan a meal but displayed a remarkable lack of patience when it came time for the actual cooking. Frozen dinners were often eaten exactly as sold, the Salisbury steak amounting to a stickless meat popsicle. I phoned one night just as he was leaning a family pack of frozen chicken wings against the back door. He'd forgotten to defrost them and was now attempting to stomp the solid mass into three 6-inch portions, which he'd stack in a pile and force into his toaster oven. (pg. 167, talking about his brother, Paul).

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They'd been living together for more than a year when I finally met the girlfriend, a licensed hairdresser named Kathy. Erase the tattoos and the nicotine patch and she resembled one of the tranquil Flemish madonnas, the ubiquitous Christ child replaced by a hacking pug. Her grace, her humor, her fur-matted sweaters - we loved her immediately. Best of all, she was from the North, meaning that should she and Paul ever conceive a child, it stood a fifty-fifty chance of speaking understandable English. (pg. 169-70).

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I was on the front porch, drowning a mouse in a bucket...

Before Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (2004) there was Naked (1997) and Me Talk Pretty One Day (2000). I enjoyed both of the earlier books immensely; but this one felt "meh". Maybe there were only so many hilarious incidents in Sedaris' life, and those got mostly used up in the first two books. If so, that doesn't bode well for his most-recent offering, When You Are Engulfed in Flames (2008), which I haven't read yet.

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I recommend this book to anyone who wants a glimpse of the more human side of Sedaris. But if it's non-stop madcap stories you want, pick up the earlier works. We'll give it a "C", cuz it's not bad overall. But I admit it - I read Sedaris strictly for the humor.