The Lord of the Ring Roads - Robert Rankin

    2017; 280 pages. Book 10 in “The Legendary Quadrilogy of Trilogies” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Great news!  They’re going to build a ring road around the outskirts of Brentford!

 

    Greater news!  It won’t cost the residents of Brentford anything!  The neighborhoods surrounding their city, through which the ring road will actually run, will pay for everything!  The construction starts shortly!

 

    This is all news to Jim Pooley and John Omally, along with the rest of Brentford.  But since they’ll get something for nothing, it has to be a great deal, right?  Except that, really, Brentford doesn’t need a ring road.

 

    Which makes Jim and John wonder.  Who is actually pulling the strings to get this ring road built.  And more importantly, why?

 

What’s To Like...

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is Book 10 (out of 12) in Robert Rankin’s Brentford Trilogy series.  To be precise, it's Book One of the fourth trilogy in this series, and I’ve already read Books 2 & 3, The Chronicles of Banarnia and Normanghast.  If you haven’t read any of this trio, I advise starting with this one.

 

    The two main protagonists are Jim Pooley and John Omally, a pair of my favorite Robert Rankin characters.  Old Pete also plays a key role, so does Professor Slocombe.  The Lady in the Straw Hat has a cameo appearance, and Neville, the part-time bartender at The Flying Swan has a larger role than usual, which I loved.

 

    A bunch of plotlines besides the ring road project also crop up.  Will Old Pete get a badly needed hearing aid?  Why is Uncle Ted missing?  Can Jim and John make some easy money by managing a community raffle?  Will the royal family send a representative to the ring road opening ceremony?  And most importantly, can Jim and John apprehend a rogue author named P.P. Penrose, who is unlawfully using them as fictional characters in his books?  Sure, we know Robert Rankin will deftly bring all these plot threads together.  But it’s always fun to watch how marvelously he does it.

 

    The book is written in English, not American.  So you may have labourings and vigour, and use a biro to write a cheque.  Things can get  cosy, but keep your lorry fuelled up.  Do all this, and Bob’s your uncle.  To boot, Robert Rankin blends in some witty and whimsical poetry, as well as things like the Cagoule of Concealment, Bunson’s Necromunicator, and the Captain Laser Alien Attack Machine.

 

    The ending builds to a suitable climax, and stops at a logical spot, but leaves several plot threads unfinished.  Alas, that’s what I get for not reading the books of this trilogy in order.  Despite that, The Lord of the Ring Roads kept me turning the pages, wondering what plot twist was going to turn up next.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Hobble-de-hoy (n.) : an awkward, ungainly, adolescent boy (British slang)

Others: Salmagundi (n.); Canescent (adj.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 623 ratings and 50 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.27/5 based on 395 ratings and 25 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Then “ah,” said Jim and “ah” once more.  Yet another email from Goodwill Jeremy, the deposed Nigerian prince.  Jim really felt for this unlucky fellow, erstwhile ruler of a gold and diamond-rich province so exclusive that it was not to be found on any map.  Jim shook his head, and as for the prince himself, benign and generous ruler, ousted from his palace by mercenaries in the pay of an evil warlord.  And forced to flee without his cheque book.  (pg. 21)

 

    A lady in a straw hat overhearing this turned and asked Jim what the trouble was.

    “Oh, just things,” said Jim.

    “Things is it?” said the lady.  “Don’t start me off on things.”

    “I promise I won’t,” said Jim

    “I was darning my old man’s socks the other day,” the lady went on.  “And he was screaming away as he always does.”

    “Why?” Jim asked.

    “Well, because he was wearing the socks and I’m not such a dab hand with a needle as I used to be, so—"  (pg. 89)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Lord of the Ring Roads Kindle edition will cost you $4.99 at present.  The rest of the e-books in this (completed) “quadrilogy-of-trilogies” are all in the $2.99-$5.99 price range.  Most of Robert Rankin’s other e-book novels are in that same price range.

 

“We are all going to hell in a handbag.”  (pg. 250)

    There’s very little cussing in The Lord of the Ring Roads; I noted only four instances, all of which were of the milder, four-lettered variety.  I only spotted one typo: cannon/canon; but once again there were at least eight commas missing from recipients of direct dialogue.  I’d call this British punctuation, but most of the time the commas were present.

 

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is another fine piece of far-fetched fantasy penned by Robert Rankin.  Rumor has it, . . . erm . . . Rumour has it that the author is about to bring out a new book, titled Priestess of Penge.  I’m looking forward to it.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  At one point Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum is mentioned, which brought back fond childhood memories for one of the characters.  It did the same for me, Mr. Rankin, sir; it did the same for me.

The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag - Robert Rankin

   1998; 360 pages. Book 2 in the “Completely Barking Mad Trilogy” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    Lazlo Woodbine is in a bind.  Literally.  He’s been committed to a mental institution and put in a straitjacket.  The problem is that everybody knows that “Lazlo Woodbine” is a fictional detective.  So the main aim of the nuthouse right now is to figure out who this guy pretending to be Lazlo really is.

 

    There are other issues, of course.  Lazlo claims to have a “holy guardian sprout” named Barry living inside his head.  Lazlo and Barry have lots of conversations.  One of their main topics is a quest that Lazlo is currently working on—he’s searching for an artifact called the “Voodoo Handbag”.

 

    It’s going to be a challenging quest because, according to that well-known axiom “Hugo Rune’s Law of Obviosity”, the artifact will be hidden in the least likely place you’d expect it to be.  Good luck with that, guys.

 

    But Lazlo is determined to find it, just as soon as he can get out of the straitjacket.  Because snagging that handbag is of the utmost importance.

 

    The end of the world is at stake.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is vintage Robert Rankin fiction.  There are several storylines, some real, others illusory, and no easy way to tell which is which.  The author’s trademark literary device—recurring gags—are here again, including Fangio’s Bar, talking the toot, and of course, Barry the Sprout.  Witty dialogue and absurd antics are present in abundance.

 

    The main task for Lazlo, and for the reader, is to figure out what is going on.  This is no small feat since there are multiple dimensions and frequent time jumps to deal with.  For both the reader and the protagonist, the key is to keep applying Hugo Rune’s Law of Obviosity to whatever set of circumstances are being confronted.  

 

    There are several bad guys to deal with along the way.  One of them is a guy named Henry Doors, which is a subtle take-off of … well, I’ll let you work that one out.  I loved the explanation of Voodoo Theology given in Chapter 17, and the brief nod to the Thirteenth Floor Elevators on page 153.  Mr. Rankin has excellent musical tastes.

 

    The ending is over-the-top and tense.  It felt a bit forced, but that’s okay; Lazlo Woodbine would heartily approve of it.  The evil plans are thwarted and the world is saved, but you knew that would happen.  The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is part 2 of Robert Rankin’s “Completely Barking Mad” trilogy, which I didn’t read in chronological order, and now wish I had.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Tosspot (n.) : a foolish or contemptible person; or a drunkard (British slang)

Others: Runcible Spoon (n.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 68 ratings and 12 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.79/5 based on 879 ratings and 21 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Well, chief, there are some who might suggest that you are nothing more than a paranoid schizophrenic with a multiple personality disorder and persecution complex.”

    “Outrageous!  And who might suggest such a thing?”

    “Well, there was the doctor at the mental institution you’ve just escaped from.”

    “Oh, him.”

    “Him, chief.”

    “And what about you, Barry?  Do you think I’m mad?”

    “Me, chief?  Absolutely not.  But then, what would I know?  I’m only a voice in your head.”  (pg. 156)

 

    Have you ever wondered about the kind of noise the Big Bang made?  And whether, in fact, it was the first noise?  If it was the first noise, then it was undoubtedly the biggest and the loudest, and all later noises are a terrible let down in comparison.  But was it the first noise?

    I remember being taught at school that sound cannot travel through a vacuum.  And if that’s the case, then the Big Bang couldn’t make any sound at all in the infinite vacuum of space.  Which would mean that it wasn’t really a Big Bang at all, was it?

    It was more of a Big Poof!  (pg. 229)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Mass Market Paperback edition (which is the format that I read this book in) of The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is apparently not available at Amazon right now.  The e-book edition is priced at $6.99.  Robert Rankin offers several dozen other “weird fantasy” tales in e-book formats, most of them in the price range of $0.99-$5.99, plus one autobiography I, Robert, which costs $9.00.

 

“Everything that can happen will happen, and everything that can’t happen will happen too, if you’re prepared to wait.”  (pg. 297)

    The cussing in The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is sparse; I counted only eight instances in the first 25% of the book.  Later on, there are a couple references to “adult situations”, plus one to a part of a donkey’s anatomy.  But overall, this is a pretty clean story.  I didn’t notice any typos, which is a rare and noteworthy feat.

 

    The story is told from both the first-person POV (our protagonist’s), and the third-person POV (the main bad guy’s), but if anything, that helped clarify whose plot thread was being addressed.  Each chapter starts off with a poem and a quote, which were cute and witty, but generally without relevance.

 

 

    My main quibble (is that an oxymoron?) is that, at times the absurdism fogs up the storyline.  Yes, Robert Rankin is a top-tier author in Absurdist Literature, and the Law of Obviosity predicts a plethora of unforeseeable plot tangents will arise.  But at times, both Lazlo and I yearned for just a bit more clarity.

 

    Still, and as always, I enjoyed The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag.  When the overarching plotline emerged in the second half of the book, it imparted a welcome sense of direction to the tale.

 

    7½ Stars.  One last thing.  The would-be evil world leader that emerges is eerily similar to several power-obsessed politicians making headlines nowadays.  Did Robert Rankin have the gift of prophecy when he wrote The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag?  Maybe Barry the Guardian Sprout resides in the author's head!

Normanghast - Robert Rankin

   2023; 332 pages. Book 9 (out of 9) in the “Brentford Trilogy” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Absurdism; British Humour; Far-Fetched Fantasy; End of the World.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    The end of the world is coming!!  It’ll be via a nuclear holocaust.  And there’s nothing to be done to stop it.

 

    Well, there is one solution, as anyone who reads science-fiction can tell you.  To quote the great Meldrew the Magician, “Create a temporal paradox which might precipitate a causal loop whereby a future event, this being of the now, would influence a past event in such a fashion that the change would alter the future event which had caused it in the first place.”  Yeah, trying saying that three times real fast.

 

    Anyhoo, a slim chance is better than none at all, so why not send a couple guys back in time to create a temporal paradox.  And I just happen to know a duo who have experience in that.

 

    Elvis Presley and Barry, the time-traveling sprout from the planet Phnargos.

 

What’s To Like...

    Normanghast is the ninth book in Robert Rankin’s “Brentford Trilogy” series, or, if you believe the Amazon blurb about it, Book 12 (out of 9) in the “Legendary Brentford Quadrilogy of Trilogies”.  Amazon also lists the order of the nine books in this series, but frankly, you don’t need to read them in that manner.

 

    The author describes his writing style as “farfetched fiction”, and I think that’s accurate.  The main storyline concerns saving the world from nuclear annihilation, but lots of other plot threads quickly pop up.  A need arises for a foolproof way of telling a good person from an evil one.  Brentford’s dynamic duo, Jim Pooley and John Omally, are convinced they’re just a metal detector away from finding buried treasure.  Strange phenomena are happening on a nearby island.  And perhaps most serious of all, Brentford’s favorite pub, The Flying Swan, is in danger of being closed and torn down.

 

    If you’re a rabid Rankin reader, and I am, you’ll be happy to know all of his wacky characters and running gags are once again present in Normanghast.  I was particularly thrilled to see “the lady in the straw hat” have a prominent role in this book.  The storyline is also graced by not one, but two, characters named Elon Musk, much to both of their dismay.

 

    I loved the subtle nod to one of my favorite authors via a slight corrupting of the town’s name to “Brentfforde”.  It was neat to see Douglas Adams’s masterpiece, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, get mentioned as well.  A bunch of music acts also get worked into the text, including Captain Beefheart, The Fugs, Pink Floyd, Cannibal Corpse, Dusty Springfield, and Mojo Nixon.  I am amazed that Robert Rankin, a British citizen, has heard of, and indeed appreciates, that last musician.

 

    The ending is farfetched, fractal, frenetic, unforeseen, and fun.  Like the author, I love stooping to alliterative allusions.  All the plot threads are dealt with, although one of them turns out to be a MacGuffin.  There is room for a sequel, although I get the feeling Normanghast is Robert Rankin’s swan song.  If so, this is a great way to close out his career.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Budgie Smugglers (n.) : a style of tight-fitting men’s swimming attire.  (Google it)

Others: Sweary (adj.); Stonker (n.), Gurning (v.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.50/5 based on 0 ratings and 2 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.50/5 based on 10 ratings and 2 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    The previous incumbent, Augustus Howe, for example.  This unfortunate had become convinced that his body was composed of cheese.  An obsession which had led him to taking many extreme precautions against being eaten by mice.  His doctor had eventually given up all hope of curing this folly and had recommended a nice long relaxing holiday upon a tropical island that was certified free of mice and all other cheese-eating vermin.

    Word had it that Mr. Howe had melted away on a sun lounger in Barbados.  Grilled to perfection.  (pg. 21)

 

    "The pussy cat/buttered toast enigma,” said Norman to Zara.

    “The whatever are you talking about?” said Zara in reply.

    “It is something that Hugo Rune wrote about.  He reasoned that a pussy cat when dropped from a height will always land on its feet.  And a piece of buttered toast when dropped from a height will always land butter-side down.  Therefore if you strap a piece of buttered toast, butter side up to the back of a cat and throw the cat from a high building the cat should just hover in the air.”  (pg. 266)

 

Kindle Details…

    Normanghast presently costs $5.99 at Amazon, but keep in mind this is a new release.  Robert Rankin offers another 3 dozen or so “far-fetched fantasy” e-books for your reading pleasure, mostly in the price range of $2.99-$7.99, plus one autobiography, I, Robert, which costs $9.00.

 

Elvis snored in the key of uh-huh.  (pg. 117)

    The use of profanity is sparse in Normanghast; I counted just five instances in the first 25%.  Later on, a recurring cussing trope is used, utilizing asterisks.  For example: “you ******”, and “and so I kicked the ******* in his ******* nuts”.  I very much like that innovation.

 

    Making sense of the storytelling is an acquired taste.  The “fourth wall” is breached numerous times, and Robert Rankin adheres to the advice of the incomparable Hugo Rune, who once said: “The best way to avoid losing the plot is not to have one in the first place.”

 

    I was surprised to see how often commas were missing when addressing someone in direct dialogue.  This happened ten times in the first 33% of the book.  There was one instance of a missing apostrophe, and I was amused by the chemistry typo of H²O instead of the correct H₂O.

 

    But these are quibbles.  For me, Normanghast was a literary delight.  I happen to love the writing style, and view it as a challenge to keep track of a dozen plot threads at the same time.  If you’ve never read anything by this author before, this probably isn’t the book to start with, but veteran Robert Rankin readers will find it a joy to learn what their favorite characters from earlier novels readers have been up to.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  The book’s title, Normanghast, never showed up in the story, which frankly left me perplexed.  But thanks to Wikipedia, I discovered it is a play on words for “Gormenghast”, a fantasy trilogy by Mervyn Peake.  I have Book One of that series, Titus Groan, on my Kindle.  If Robert Rankin thinks enough of it to give it a titular nod, I really need to read it.

Sprout Mask Replica - Robert Rankin

    1997; 350 pages. Book 1 in the “Completely Barking Mad Trilogy” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    The butterfly effect is a famous component of Chaos Theory.  In a nutshell, it states that when a butterfly flaps its wings in Brazil, it in turn may be the cause of a tornado in Texas.

 

    The butterfly doesn’t realize this, of course, but it is intriguing to contemplate a small change in a system resulting in significant and unpredictable consequences down the line.

 

    But what if the inverse was also true?  A tornado forms in Texas, a butterfly in Brazil senses it, and instinctively flaps its wings to cancel out the disturbance.  Let's call him "the compensator”.

 

    Our protagonist here is such a compensator.  He has a pretty neat gift, eh?  Well, maybe not.

 

    Because what happens if/when the butterfly stops flapping its wings?

 

What’s To Like...

    Sprout Mask Replica is written mostly (but not completely) in the first-person POV.  The narrator’s name is not given, but he goes by many monikers, including “The Chosen One”, “The Compensator”, the “Mystical Butterfly of Chaos”, and “Dog Breath”.  Since one of his relatives is “Uncle Brian Rankin”, we may logically assume this is Robert Rankin writing his autobiography.

 

    The book is written in English, not American, so us Yankee readers will get weird spellings, such as plough and jewellery; as well as odd phrases, such as “bit of a kip”, “soldier of toast”, and the nifty word “niffy”, which is defined below.

 

    A number of Robert Rankin’s recurring characters are featured here, which you’d expect in his autobiography, including Fangio, Neville, Jim Pooley, John Omally, and the inscrutable “lady in a straw hat”.  And I think this is where Barry the Holy Guardian Sprout is introduced, who becomes a major recurring character.  A portion of his background is given in one of the excerpts below.

 

    In between (most) chapters, Robert Rankin includes some poetry, which I found to be quite entertaining.  I enjoyed sitting in on the “All Brentford Open Lying Contest”, chuckled at the mangled French, and was happy to see my favorite type of word puzzle, “acrostics”, get a brief mention.  The author’s music references are impressive, one of which, The Sonic Energy Authority, may set some sort of record for “most obscure” band ever.

 

    The ending is both witty and enigmatic, which is the norm for a Robert Rankin opus.  The Chosen One finishes his book and heads out for a swim.  A spaceship departs, but I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of it.  All historical paradoxes are repaired.

    Or are they?

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Niffy (adj.) : having an unpleasant smell (British slang)

Others: Sporran (n.); Micturating (v.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 118 ratings and 30 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.70/5 based on 848 ratings and 21 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    In those days I had a lot of time for Fangio, although thinking back I can’t recall why.  Certainly the guy was fair, he never spoke well of anyone.  And when it came to clothes, he had the most impeccable bad taste I’ve ever encountered.  He suffered from delusions of adequacy and his conversation was enlivened by the occasional brilliant flash of silence.

    Once seen, never remembered, that was Fangio.  Many put this down to his shortness of stature, for as Noel Coward observed, “Never trust a man with short legs, brain’s too near their bottoms.”  (loc. 970)

 

    “I was supposed to be on the job.  Your Holy Guardian.”

    “He’ll forgive you, you’re one of his angels, after all.”

    “Well.”

    “Well what?”

    “Well, I never said anything about being an angel.”

    “You said you’re my Holy Guardian.  That’s an angel, isn’t it?”

    “Well, it can be.  For some people.  But there’s an awful lot of people on Earth.  More people than there are angels, in fact.  Look upon me as your little gift from God’s garden.”

    “What?”

    “I’m your Holy Guardian Sprout.”  (loc. 2483)

 

Kindle Details…

    Sprout Mask Replica currently costs $6.99 at Amazon.  Robert Rankin offers another 3 dozen or so “weird fantasy” e-books, generally in the price range of $2.99-$7.99, plus an autobiographical I, Robert, which costs $9.00.

 

“Run and waggle, chief, run and waggle.”  (loc. 3337)

    There’s very little profanity in Sprout Mask Replica; I counted just six “damns” in the first 50% of the novel.  Insertions of other cusswords are “cleaned up” via appropriately placed asterisks (example: sh*t).  A number of “adult situations” are alluded to, but there’s nothing lurid.

 

    Typos are rare: one gum/gym booboo and a couple of comma misuses.  The title reference occurs at 93% Kindle, although I’m still not sure what it signifies.

 

    Don’t even try to find a plotline for the first 20% of the book; there’s none there.  Fortunately, Robert Rankin still keeps you entertained with his wit, anecdotal asides, and wry British humour.  The plotline does show up later on.

 

    Veteran Robert Rankin readers will find Sprout Mask Replica satisfying, but if you’re never read any of his novels, don’t make this your introduction to him.  The Amazon blurb says this is the first book in the “Completely Barking Mad” trilogy; but I don’t think it’s necessary to read the books in order.  Robert Rankin is loose with the concept of “trilogy”—one of his contains only two books; another contains eight books.

 

    7½ Stars.  One last thing, a nice tidbit of the abundant wit in the story.  “My brother’s favourite number was 300.  Because if you turn 300 on its side it looks a bit like a bum pooing.”  It's true! Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

They Came and Ate Us - Robert Rankin

   1991; 336 pages.  Full Title: They Came and Ate Us – Armageddon II: The B Movie.  Book 2 in the “Armageddon Trilogy” series.  New Author? : Goodness, no.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; Time Travel; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    Quick, how do you stop an NHE (that’s “Nuclear Holocaust Event” for you Earthlings) after it’s already happened?

 

    Well, as any Phnaarg can tell you, you send someone back through time, or forward in time for that matter, and have him kill whoever was responsible for the NHE.

 

    But what if the assassination attempt fails?

 

    Then you resend your guy and have him try again.  Or send some other person.  Or both.

 

    But that’s messing around with the original timeline!  I thought we weren’t allowed to do that.

 

    The taboo against spawning timeline anomalies is literary laziness preached by sci-fi authors who are afraid it will spread confusion.  Ignore those sissies.

 

    Gee, I don’t know.  It still sounds kind of risky.

 

   Well, ask yourself this: if someone did screw around with the original timeline, how would you know?

 

What’s To Like...

    They Came and Ate Us is vintage Robert Rankin absurdism.  The storyline is engaging and despite being confusing to start out with, it clarifies into several main storylines by the halfway point.  The primary plot threads are:

 

    Who zapped Rex Mundi a half century into the past, and why?

    Can Rex and Jack Doveston succeed in preventing the 1999 NHE, and how?

    Why is Elvis obsessed with killing Wayne Wormwood, and how come he repeatedly fails?

 

    There are talking dogs and sentient bean sprouts.  There are shakers and hackers and demons.  There are a slew of time paradoxes and fourth-wall asides.  The author himself sneaks in, cleverly disguised as one of the characters.

 

    I was pleased to see that there are also some of Robert Rankin’s trademark running gags and obscure (at least to us Yanks) British trivia.  Fangio’s bar makes a brief appearance; so does the inscrutable fighting art called Dimac.  Jim Pooley and John Omally have cameo roles near the end of the book, which makes me wonder if they’ll play a larger role in the sequel.  Trivia-wise, I had to look up both Frankie Howerd and Ray Harryhausen.

 

    They Came and Ate Us is the sequel to Armageddon – The Musical, and if both books reside on your TBR shelf, I highly recommend reading them in order.  I did, but alas I read Book 1 way back in 2013 and thus remembered almost nothing about it.  Thankfully, Robert Rankin provides a brief recap of that tale early on here (pgs. 7-8), for which I am very much grateful.

 

    The ending is over-the-top and replete with plot twist after plot twist.  Earth is saved from the 1999 NHE.  Or is it?  I guess I’ll have to read book 3, The Suburban Book of the Dead, to make sure.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Yobbo (n.) : a cruel and brutal fellow. (English slang)

Others: Librams (n., plural); Putting Pay (v.), Prial (n.); Bunged the readies and seen all right (British slang, for which I never did suss out the meaning).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 81 ratings and 16 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.89/5 based on 1,411 ratings and 16 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    In the year 2050 planet Earth finally got the chance to enjoy Armageddon.  It had originally been scheduled to occur in 999 and after that fell through, in 1999.  However, due to certain legal loopholes in the original contracts and God moving in the mysterious way he is known and loved for, the thing didn’t get under way until 2050.

    But when it did it was a real showstopper.  Cracking special effects, flaming chariots, angelic hosts, fire and brimstone, the whole kith and caboodle and the kitchen sink.  All in glorious Buddhacolour and broadcast live as it happened.  (pg. 7, and the opening paragraphs.)

 

    “Perhaps it can’t be done.”

    Elvis made a bitter face.  “What do you mean?”

    Rex turned to meet his eyes.  “Perhaps it is impossible to change history.  The Phnaargs tried it with you but it didn’t work.”

    “But I fooled the Phnaargs.  I am here and now.”

    “Perhaps you would have been here and now anyway, which is why you are.  If you follow me.”

    “I surely do.”  Elvis surely didn’t.  (pg. 126)

 

Sam voiced certain words to the effect that the junior officer’s cranium was in fact a male reproductive organ and flung the handset aside.  (pg. 12)

    There’s a moderate amount of profanity in They Came and Ate Us.  I counted 11 instances in the first 10% of the book, 5 of which were scatological in nature.  Later on, there were at least four references to male genitalia and its various functions.

 

    In addition to deciphering the British idioms, the punctuation takes some getting used to.  Across the pond, dialogue is in single quotation marks, not double.  There was an abundance of missing commas in direct quotes here.  Example: ‘And back to you in the studio Ramon.’  Us Yanks were taught to absolutely positively put a comma after the word “studio”.  This type of omission happens so frequently (yet not always), that I was left wondering if there are different rules for it in Britain.

 

    Finally, keep in mind that absurdism rules the roost here.  The crazier and more convoluted the storyline is, the better its entertainment value.  If complex and confusing plot threads bug you, you might want to eschew Robert Rankin's books.

 

    But I confess, I’m a Robert Rankin fanatic.  I’d be disappointed if he wrote a book where I wasn't kept on my toes trying to follow what's going on.  They Came and Ate Us may be a challenging read, but for me it was also a delightfully satisfying one.

 

    7½ Stars.  They Came and Ate Us was published in 1991.  Did Robert Rankin somehow foresee the rise of a prominent 21^st-century American politician?  Check out pages 152-53 and judge whether the person they’re talking about bears an eerie resemblance to one of our present-day newsmakers.

Nostradamus Ate My Hamster - Robert Rankin

   1996; 317 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Science Fiction; British Humour; Absurdism; Time Travel.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Something terrible has happened to Brentford!  Adolf Hitler has shown up there.

 

    Naturally, there is some doubt whether it’s really him.  It’s likely an impostor, since this is the 1990s and this Hitler looks like the real one did way back in the 1940s.  And the real Adolf Hitler has been dead for a half century.  So if it is someone impersonating him, it’s in very poor taste.

 

    Anyway, that’s not the terrible thing.  The real calamity is that everyone’s favorite pub in Brentford, The Flying Swan, has disappeared.  Atomized in the twinkling of an eye.  Along with everyone who was in there at the time.  That includes the famous patrons, Jim Pooley and John Omally, as well as the part-time barman, Neville.

 

    And as any loyal reader of Robert Rankin’s “far-fetched fantasy novels” (the author’s self-description) can tell you, the disappearance of those three characters is a huge loss.

 

What’s To Like...

    Nostradamus Ate My Hamster centers around the workers at a Brentford “prop house” (suppliers of the props for any movies being made in the vicinity) called Fudgepacker’s Emporium.  The main characters are Ernest Fudgepacker (the owner), Frank (the manager), Bobby Boy (the gofer), and Russell (the salesman), the latter being our protagonist.

 

    There are three main plotlines to follow: a.) what the heck happened to The Flying Swan?, b.) is that really Adolf Hitler?, and c.) which of the various 'other worlds’ that Russell gets dropped into is the real one?  Mayhem and confusion abound as Russell (and the reader) try to make sense of it all.

 

    The book is written in English, not American, and that’s always a delight for me.  It was fun to suss out things like groaning trays, gasometers, Arthur Negus, Dixon of Dock Green, and get reacquainted with that esoteric bit of slang “having a shifty”.

 

    The “Terry Pratchett-esque” footnotes were a treat, so was the bit of poetry by the author on pages 220-21.  The “Magic Stone” tale was enlightening (be sure to ponder its metaphor), and the concept making “Hologram Movies” felt like a glimpse of cinematic technology that will be routine in another 50 years or so.  The clever way that Robert Rankin inserted himself into the storyline as a minor character made me chuckle.

 

    The ending was decent and wraps up the main plotlines nicely.  It’s not particularly exciting, but it is a happy one, and as the author points out, that counts for something.  Although the setting is a familiar one, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster is a standalone novel and not part of any of the various series that Robert Rankin has penned.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Skip (n., slang) : a dumpster (British).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 44 ratings and 18 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.73*/5, based on 1,168 ratings and 59 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You’ve a memo on your desk, though.”

    “A memo?”  Russell perused his empty desk top.  “Where is it?” he asked.

    “I threw it away,” said Frank.

    “Why?”

    “Because it was exactly the same as the one I got.”

    “But it was addressed to me?”

    “Yes, but it was the same memo.”

    “So what did it say?”

    “Yours or mine?”  (pg. 88)

 

    “So what you’re saying, is that by going into the future and stealing the equipment that would change the future, the future Bobby Boy went into what was a future that had already been changed, by him having stolen the equipment and used it in the then-past, which is our present?”

    “Exactly.  It’s all so simple when you put it like that.”  (pg. 248)

 

“Our good woman the fairy has made her yearly phoenix rise from the biscuit tin, I see.”  (pg. 13)

    I’m a longtime fan of anything Robert Rankin pens, so it is not surprising that the quibbles are minor.

 

    The cussing is minimal; I noted only a half-dozen instances in the first third of the book, and those were five references to the excretory system, plus one f-bomb.

 

    The book’s enigmatic title was a major draw for me, but it was a bit of a letdown that neither Nostradamus nor a hamster showed up in the story.  In fairness, the title does get tied into the plotline twice, but it would be a spoiler to go into details.

 

    Lastly and leastly, although I can grudgingly accept Pooley, O’Mally, and Neville being relegated to supporting characters for a change, the poor spaniel Spot getting run over by a bus was just too much for my sensitive psyche.

 

    8 Stars.  Several reviewers noted that they had trouble following the storyline.  They have a point, but letting the plot threads run amok before deftly resolving them is a trademark of a Robert Rankin tale.  Nostradamus Ate My Hamster was an enjoyable read for me, but if you’ve never read anything by this author, I wouldn’t recommend starting with this one.