The 1066 to Hastings - Howard of Warwick

    2019; 265 pages.  Book 17 (out of 38) in the “Chronicles of Brother Hermitage” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Satire; Cozy Mystery; Humorous Historical Fiction; British Humour.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

   It sounded like a reasonable request.

 

    The noblewoman Lady Gudmund wants Brother Hermitage to determine who murdered her husband.  He is after all the King’s Investigator and therefore the person King William would assign such a task.  But the facts don’t support Lady Gudmund’s allegation.

 

    For one thing, the Gudmunds are a Saxon family.  Lord Gudmund followed the Saxon King Harold to the Battle of Hastings, where they by and large got slaughtered by the Normans under King William the Conqueror.  Getting killed in the fighting does not count as being murdered.  Brother Hermitage was about to decline Lady Gudmund’s when she made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

 

    She offered to pay him and his companions for their efforts.  Money is a great persuader.

 

What’s To Like...

    The 1066 to Hastings is the 17^th book (out of 38) in Howard of Warwick’s humorous Historical Mystery “Brother Hermitage” series.  As the title insinuates, the events take place a short time after the Battle of Hastings, which was fought in 1066 CE.

 

    The usual trio of sleuths—Brother Hermitage and his weaver companion, Wat and Cwen—naturally take Lady Gudmund up on her promise of generous payment.  Most of their investigating entails questioning the various people in Lady Gudmund’s entourage and at the manors where they have arranged to spend their nights.

 

    The big question is: what makes Lady Gudmund think her missing husband met with foul play?  Lots of Saxon lords died in the Battle of Hastings, and even if he was felled by a friendly sword stab, most likely it was accidental, not intentional.  But things turn serious when someone is killed while the entourage is sojourning at a manor hosted by a thoroughly wacko Lord of questionable ethnicity.

 

    As always, the text is full of witty bantering betwixt our three protagonists.  Each has his or her own idea of what’s the proper way to interrogate suspects.  It doesn’t help that no one even knows for sure that Lord Gudmund perished in the battle.  There’s no record of his corpse being recovered, and he wasn’t known to be eager to participate in warfare.

 

    Events lead to a logical ending where Brother Hermitage’s “Sherlock Holmesian” powers of deduction suss out what’s going on.  This is less of a “whodunit” and more of a “whydunit”, and Hermitage doesn’t reveal the key clue until he springs it on the gathered suspects.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 389 ratings and 23 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.34/5 based on 158 ratings and 9 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Housecarl (n.) : a professional household bodyguard.

 

Excerpts...

    “Here’s one,” one of the soldiers searching the Saxons called out.  He held up a hand with Renweard still attached to the other end.

    “We know about him,” Wat said.  “The Lady’s servant, does a bit of hunting.”

    “Could be him,” Tancred suggested, sounding slightly disappointed that they’d found their killer so quickly.

    “He says not.”

    “Well he would, wouldn’t he?”

    Hermitage shared that frustration.  If killers wouldn’t keep saying that they hadn’t done it, he could get his investigations completed much quicker.  (pg. 227)

 

    “Were you playing with the bow when it went off?”

    “I was told.”  Bart was starting to sound a little annoyed that people weren’t believing his confession.

    “You were told that you’d killed someone?”  Hermitage wasn’t following this at all now.

    “That’s right.”

    “Did you not remember it yourself?”  Hermitage had come across some casual killers in his time, the Norman, Le Pedvin being top of the list, but forgetting that you’d just killed someone really was going too far.

    Bart looked rather shamefaced.  “I do things when I’m asleep.”  (pg. 154)

 

Kindle Details…

    The 1066 to Hastings currently sells for $0.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series range in price from $0.99 to $5.99.  Generally, the newer the e-book, the higher the price.

   

“As I understood it, murder almost always requires a death of some sort.”  (pg. 55)

    The 1066 to Hastings is a cozy mystery, and therefore it’s no surprise that it is almost cussword-free.  I noted just two instances of profanity in the entire book.  There’s a small amount of blood spilled during the aforementioned killing, and no adult situations.  I only spotted three typos in the whole story, which is a great improvement from the early books in this series.

 

    The book is written in English, not American, so you encounter weird spellings such as storey, baulked, meagre, and despatched, but at least it wasn’t written in Saxon English.  I’ve purchased a book written in Midieval English and am looking forward to try my hand at that version of our Mother Tongue.

 

    The 1066 to Hastings was a quick and delightful read for me.  I like the fact that Howard of Warwick devotes equal attention to creating a well-crafted mystery and a historically believable setting.  As usual, I tried to solve the case before Brother Hermitage did, and as usual, I failed.  I’ve got several more books from this series on my Kindle and I’m eager to tag along with Wat, Cwen, and Hermitage again in the near future.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point the word “Winterfylleth” is used.  Brother Hermitage notes it is the old Saxon term for the month of October.  Google confirms this.  I for one am all in favor of using "Winterfylleth" on calendars from now on.

The Secret Between the Walls : Book 2 - Charles W. Saunders

    2026; 361 pages.  New Author? : Sorta.  Genres : Children’s Contemporary Fantasy; Supernatural Mystery; Psychological Thriller.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

 

    Oh what fun it is, to explore the hallways, in the basement of your school, in your spare time.  You pass all sorts of school employees, such as custodians and maintenance men.  But don’t let the principal catch you down there.  There aren’t any classrooms so students have no business being down there.

 

    Courtney and Livi have been doing this lately—at night mostly—and have discovered there is an even older basement with all sorts of hallways beneath what they thought was the bottommost level of the building.

 

    Now they’ve made another startling discovery.  That bottommost level has both a “newer” section and an “older” one.  But does that really make any difference?

 

    The school custodian Stillman seems to think so.

 

What’s To Like...

   The Secret Between the Walls – Book 2 is a direct continuation of Book One in the series; I highly recommend reading them in order.  Courtney and Livi started to notice strange things in their school in the first book.  Now, with help from Professor Popple and the phantasmic Assistant, the girls begin to try to resolve things.

 

    Charles Saunders uses a unique storytelling style here.  A lot of the text consists of short sentences in individual paragraphs.  It takes a bit of getting used to, but I think it works quite well for the target audience of children, ages 9-to-14.

 

    The text is full of witty, sarcastic banter, primarily in the Courtney/Livi/Assistant triangle, and the Popple/Stillman/Assistant one. Young and old readers alike will find themselves chuckling along with the characters.  I also liked that all the characters are “gray” in nature.  Stillman may be the baddie, but he seriously believes his course of action is honorable.  Courtney may be the main protagonist, but she sometimes second-guesses the decisions she’s made.

 

    The ending is both tense and heartwarmingly logical, and left a lump in my throat.  All the major plotlines are tied up, although not always in the manner I was expecting.  There is room in the overall storyline for a sequel.  I for one would like to learn more about what Popple’s future holds, and Courtney might find more ways to use her “gift”.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  x.x/5 based on 0 ratings and 0 reviews.

    Goodreads: x.xx/5 based on 0 ratings and 0 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I’m leaving when we find an exit.”

    Courtney kept walking.

    “I heard you.”

    “I mean it.”

    “I know.”

    “I’m not helping you find anything.”

    The Assistant fell into step behind her.

    “I shall note that your participation remains involuntary.”

    “You’re not noting anything.”

    “Then I shall remember it informally.”  (pg. 49)

 

    The old passage seemed to breathe against her.

    After the dust and iron of the routing system, the air felt impossibly clean.

    She could almost imagine stepping out beneath an open sky.

    Almost.

    The Assistant walked to the center opening and extended one hand into it.

    “I detect a significant improvement in ventilation.”

    “No one asked you,” Livi said.

    “I anticipated the question.”

    “Stop anticipating.”

    “I will attempt to be surprised.”  (pg. 95)

 

Kindle Details…

    The e-book edition of The Secret Between the Walls – Book 2 sells for $3.99 at Amazon right now; as does the first book in the series.  It is also available in paperback for $14.99.  At present, these are the only e-books offered by Charles W. Saunders.

 

“I hate when you’re helpful.”  (pg. 149)

    The target audience is children-to-young-adults, so it is not surprising that there is zero profanity in The Secret Between the Walls – Book 2.  I also don’t recall anything even remotely resembling any R-rated situations.  Hats off to Charles Saunders for penning a fascinating story totally free of adult vocabulary and themes.  I didn’t notice any typos, punctuation errors, or clunky sentences.  Kudos to whoever did the editing on this book.

 

    I thoroughly enjoyed The Secret Between the Walls – Book 2.  I don’t think it’s easy to write a story that appeals to Children, Young Adults, and Geezers like me.  Somehow Charles Saunders has done so.  Write on, dude!

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  If you happen to be in the targeted 9-14 years old age-span, and don't like having to keep track of dozens of characters, this book’s for you.  I think there are only seven characters.  Wandering empty school halls after dark is not an effective way to meet and greet people.

Ferret Run - GS Freeman

    2026; 286 pages.  Full Title: Ferret Run – Secrets of Arcadia.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Science Fiction – First Contact; Fantasy; Adventure-Intrigue.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    You know what they say: The third time’s the charm.

 

    Actually, Professor Lupus Hare is hoping that the second time’s the charm.  Several innocent people perished when he made his first endeavor.

 

    And what an endeavor it is!  Professor Hare wants to break through the barriers of the multiverse!  Get in contact with a parallel dimension.  And he and his team have just finished building something called a Collider, which smashes tiny particles together that hopefully will then open gateways to parallel universes.

 

    If successful, this would be a truly groundbreaking experience for all concerned.  Except for one being: Chancellor Trinn.  She’s from a different world, in a different universe, which has a different level of technology.  So Trinn has a different motive for helping Professor Hare’s research come to fruition.

 

    She wants to go home.

 

What’s To Like...

    Ferret Run is a Sci-Fi fantasy novel by GS Freeman (aka G. Scott Freeman) set on an undisclosed planet populated by sentient animal species, including walking/talking ferrets, cats, swans, polar bears, and many more, even a land-dwelling shark.  Humans are an unknown species, at least to start with, and at least to everyone except Chancellor Trinn.

 

    Our protagonist is a ferret named Victoria Lanell.  Her parents died years ago, and she presently lives in care of a guardian goat named Earl Kidd whom she calls “Papa”.  Lanell is also one of Professor Hare’s trusted assistants on the Collider project.

 

    Amazon appropriately lists the book’s main genre as First Contact Science Fiction, a theme I’m quite partial to.  But there is a lot of deeply developed character interaction going on as well.  Earl is hiding many secrets from Lanell; Trinn will do whatever is necessary to return to her home world, and the titular “Secrets of Arcadia” seems to categorize everyone as either “eco-friendly” or “pro-science-&-technology”.  GS Freeman also blends touches of wit and humor into the storyline, which I liked muchly.

 

    I enjoyed meeting the chemist Dr. Crusher, being one myself.  He gives new meaning to the concept of super-glue.  The flying spiders are definitely something to avoid crossing paths with, and I want to visit the “Starducks” shop someday and get me a cup of nuka.  I’m proud to say I chuckled at the mention of “Rick and Morty”.

 

    The ending is suitably tense and exciting.  Things stop at a logical place and the primary plot thread (the “first contact”) is resolved for the nonce.  Here's hoping a sequel is in the offing.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  5.0/5 based on 3 ratings and 3 reviews.

    Goodreads: 5.00/5 based on 7 ratings and 7 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I think there’s something older at work.  Something that bridges biology and physics.  Something in the architecture of existence itself.  Look at her.  She’s alien but not foreign.”

    He took a step closer.  “What if dimensional physics doesn’t just transport matter, but favors certain patterns?  What if there’s a design at the core of reality that selects for this kind of form?”

    Myles let out a low whistle.  “That’s not science; that’s metaphysics.”  (pg. 14)

 

    “So she can hear us?”

    “She will once the nanos finish mapping phonemic structure.  Give it twenty minutes, maybe less.  Then we can test comprehension.”

    Hare nodded thoughtfully.  “Then we observe.  See how she handles isolation.  You learn more from what an animal does without instructions than you ever do with a prompt.”

    “She’s not an animal,” Myles muttered, eyes still locked to the display.

    “She is to us,” Hare said flatly.  “And we are to her.  Symmetry’s just perspective, Moleman.  What matters is who’s holding the clipboard.”  (pg. 173)

 

Kindle Details…

    The e-book edition of Ferret Run presently sells for $2.99 at Amazon.  It is also available in paperback format, for $15.99.  To the best of my knowledge, this is GS Freeman’s debut full-length novel.

 

Why bother with methodical research when we can just throw particles at each other and hope for enlightenment?  (pg. 29)

    There’s only a small amount of profanity in Ferret Run.  I noted just 20 instances in the first 2/3 of the book, and these were all of the milder, eschatological variety.  Later on, a scatological term popped up, but just once.

 

    The main issue with Ferret Run is the editing.  There are a bunch of typos, and literally dozens of punctuation errors, to the point of where it became distracting.  There were also two or three continuity issues.

 

    But those things are all fixable via another round of editing.  What counts is that the world-building, character development, and storytelling were all superb.  For me, Ferret Run was a delightful page-turner, and I strongly hope it’s the start of an epically exciting series.  After all, several beings are desperately wanting to get back to their native phases of the multiverse.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Professor Hare uses the acronym PDE several times in the story.  It stands for Percussive Dimensional Event.  Is that way-kewl or what?!

The Broke Ass Brigade - Don Romonov

    2012; 382 pages.  Full Title: The Broke Ass Brigade: Living With Asperger’s in the Savage Side of the American Dream.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Biographies & Memoirs; Vocational Humor.  Overall Rating: 6*/10.

 

    Ah yes, working in a Big-Box store.  I’ve never done it.  The closest I came was working one summer in a grocery store, stocking shelves, bagging groceries, and carrying customers’ purchases to their cars—and boats—in 115-degree heat.

 

    I had a friend who worked in one for a few years, though.  I remember him telling how, if you worked day-shift, which meant being there when the store opened, all the employees were required to gather in a circle beforehand and sing the company song.  Management picked one lucky employee to lead the singing, and he better do it enthusiastically.

 

    He laughed was he told me how all the employees would try to hide behind each other, hoping that management would just pick whoever they happened to notice first.  He said there was lots of shoving and elbowing in efforts to make oneself hard to see.

 

    The Broke Ass Brigade chronicles Don Romonov’s experiences working in a Big-Box store.  In comparison to him, my friend got off lightly.

 

What’s To Like...

     The term “Big-Box Store” applies to megastores such as Target, K-Mart, Sam’s Club, and Walmart—huge square-footage buildings wherein shoppers can find just about anything they need.  Don Romonov’s memoir, The Broke Ass Brigade actually opens with him at his previous job, a fast food one, which he quickly leaves.

 

    At the age of eighteen, Don takes what he hopes is an upward career jump: going to work at an undisclosed superstore.  He quickly becomes disillusioned and on 11/95/03 begins to keep a journal.  His entries are divided into 28 sections, and things close with his departure from the Big-Box.

 

    The writing style—in the first-person POV, of course—is fascinating blend of humor, contemplation, and absurdism.  This may be a megastore, but it caters to the dregs of society.  Bums, drunks, and nut cases abound, all of them looking for a free meal and things to swipe.  Store security is sparse and lax; and the store’s management tries to reach its impossible quotas by periodically firing half the employees and telling the remaining ones to work twice as fast and twice as hard.

 

    Don and several of his co-workers become friends after discovering they share some common interests, such as gaming and booze.  Other co-workers and regular customers are given nicknames, such as “Lil Bit”, “Janet Prime”, “Other Steve”, “King of Mullets”, “Count Chocula”, and “Obi Wan”.  That latter one becomes Don’s mentor, and trains him in the art of being a store detective.  The author frequently crosses paths with weird-acting customers; the details of their antics and the epithets with which Don dubs them are fascinating.

 

    The book’s title refers to a small clique of store employees.  The author sprinkles a fair amount of music references throughout the book.  His tastes theein are quite eclectic; I guarantee you’ll find some of your favorites mentioned.  I also learned a new acronym—FNG—I’ll let you figure that one out.  Things close with the author finally finding another job, although I don’t recall any details being given about it.  Presumably it was a step upward.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 3.8*/5, based on 28 ratings and 23 reviews.

    Goodreads: 2.86*/5, based on 21 ratings and 5 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    So, upon having helped catch some shoplifters—even though it’s not my job—I want to address a few things concerning shoplifting.  Shoplifters, try better.  It’s hard to beat you down when I’m laughing so hard.  Here are a few examples:

    When trying to make counterfeit money, remember to print on both sides.  Just saying.

    Do not try to hide things you cannot feasibly hide.  A computer box does not fit in your sweatpants.

    Do not act suspicious.  Asking things like “Do those cameras work?” or “Is your security guard armed?” kind of tip me off that you’re about to wreck our sh*t.  (pg. 80)

 

    I messed with her.  I said, “Let the ruling classes tremble at a (the word “communist” goes here, but I removed it because it was too obvious) revolution.  The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains.  They have a world to win.  Working men of all countries, unite!”

    She laughed naively, saying, “Oh, that’s an interesting quote.  Who said that?”

    I told the truth on this one.  “Karl Marx,” I said.

    She said, “Oh, I love the Marx Brothers!  The guy with the horn is hilarious!”  (pg. 139)

 

Who shoplifts at six thirty in the morning?”  (pg. 303)

    It came as no surprise that there’s a lot of cussing in The Broke Ass Brigade; I counted 28 instances in the first 10% of the book, including 10 f-bombs.  Ethnic slurs also crop up; as do references to sexual practices and parts.  Typos occur with such frequency that they become a distraction.

 

    The fact that the author suffers from Asperger’s syndrome is cited in the book’s subtitle, but I saw very little evidence of it impacting the storytelling.  Then again, I know very little about Asperger’s, save that it is a learning disability and now has a newer name.  The author mouths off to wacko-acting and/or light-fingered customers, but I doubt that can be blamed on his affliction.

 

    There’s not much storyline progression in the storyline.  Don Romonov wants out the first day of his job; and retains that aspiration until his last day there.  But hey, this is a memoir, not a novel; there wasn’t any career progression in the author’s life during this period.

    Despite the drawbacks, I enjoyed The Broke Ass Brigade.  I too had several menial jobs as a teenager—dishwasher (one job washing by hand, one job washing by machine), busboy, gas station attendant—so Don Romonov’s work woes brought back old memories.  If you had a similar low-paying, crappy job or jobs as a teen, this book might resonate with you as well.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing.  Amazon’s audiobook version of The Broke Ass Brigade lists this an a “Satirical Literature & Fiction” book.  I certainly hope this is not a piece of fiction.