Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson

1995; 324 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Anecdotal Travels.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Bill Bryson was born and bred in the USA, but moved to England after high school and spent most of the next 20 years there.  When he decided to move back here, he took a 7-week "farewell tour" of the UK.  He toured the length and breadth of the isle, almost all of it by public transportation or on foot.

    He visited large cities and small towns; famous landmarks and nondescript pubs and hotels.  And in the end, he treats us to 30 articles about his stops along the way.  Each is about 10 pages long, and they're all much more poignant than any travel guide could hope to be.

What's To Like...
    Bryson's musings about his adventures (and misadventures) are amusing and entertainingly honest.  He struggles with the inconsistencies of British mass transportation, gets rained on a lot (especially while walking), gets schnockered a couple times (gawd bless British suds), and partakes of a lot of ethnic cuisine.

    Bryson pulls few punches.  Sometimes the food, libations, and/or service is good; sometimes it's terrible.  Soemtimes the people he meets are rude to him for no reason; sometimes he's rude to them for no reason. There's a kewl glossary of Britishisms in the back of book, and any book that mentions Chertsey (pg. 64) gets a thumbs-up.  Bryson's insight is apparently accurate; in a 2003 BBC Radio 4 poll, the book was voted "that which best sums up British identity and the state of the nation".

Kewlest New Word...
Parlous : full of danger or uncertainty; precarious.

Excerpts...
    Some people simply should not be allowed to fall asleep on a train, or, having fallen asleep, should be discreetly covered with a tarpaulin, and I'm afraid I'm one of them.  I awoke, some indeterminate time later, with a rutting snort and a brief, wild flail and lifted my head from my chest to find myself mired in a cobweb of drool from beard to belt buckle, and with three people gazing at me in a curiously dispassionate manner.  At least I was spared the usual experience of waking to find myself stared at open-mouthed by a group of small children who would flee with shrieks at the discovery that the dribbling hulk was alive.  (pg. 282)

    Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain - which is to say, all of it.  Every last bit of it, good and bad - old churches, country lanes, people saying "Mustn't grumble" and "I'm terribly sorry but," people apologizing to me when I conk them with a careless elbow, milk in bottles, beans on toast, haymaking in June, seaside piers, Ordnance Survey maps, tea and crumpets, summer showers and foggy winter evenings - every bit of it.  (pg. 316)

"Hae ye nae hook ma dooky?"  (pg. 307)
    Don't try to read Notes from a Small Island in one or two sessions.  As Bryson himself notes, after a while, all the quaint little villages and big, sprawling cities start to look the same.

    To boot, Bill Bryson is often in a grumpy mood - about the frequency of the rain (ya think, Bill?); about modernization (things change;  get over it); about the drabness of his locale ("Bradford's role in life is to make every place else in the world look better in comparison.."), etc.  About halfway through the book, I took to reading only one or two chapters a day, and suddenly the book got a lot more interesting.

    NfaSI is not my favorite Bill Bryson book.  But he's a gifted writer, and this does bring back fond memories of my trips to England.  Plus a so-so Bryson book is still pretty good.  8 Stars.

Eric - Terry Pratchett

    1990; 197 pages.  Book #9 in the Discworld series.  Genre : Comedic Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    Eric is a geeky teenager dabbling in demonology.  He casts a spell aimed at summoning the baddest demon in the Underworld.  What he gets is Rincewind, the worst wizard in Discworld.  Undeterred, he demands Rincewind grant hin three wishes - the be the master of the world, to meet the most beautiful woman that ever lived, and to live forever.

    Rincewind tries to explain that he has absolutely no magical powers.  And that nothing will happen if he snaps his fingers like this and... POOF!

What's To Like...
    Rincewind and The Luggage are major players here, and that's always a plus.   Death and the Librarian make cameo appearances.  And there's a parrot (see cover image) who's a hoot.

    Eric is Terry Pratchett's spoof of Faust, which I haven't read so can't make any comparisons.  The central theme is "be careful what you wish for".  Eric's three wishes may seem like pretty good ones, but the devil's in the details, and as each wish is fulfilled, they are found to come with drawbacks.

    The settings are neat - an Aztec-like kingdom, the Trojan War, Creation itself, and Hell.  Pratchett also takes a small poke at Quantum Mechanics and Multiverses.

Kewlest New Word...
Winge : whining; an irritating complaint.

Excerpts...
    Preeminent among Rincewind's talents was his skill in running away, which over the years he had elevated to the status of a genuinely pure science; it didn't matter if you were fleeing from or to, so long as you were fleeing.  It was flight alone that counted.  I run, therefore I am; more correctly, I run, therefore with any luck I'll still be.
    But he was also skilled in languages and practical geography.  He could shout 'help' in fourteen languages and scream for mercy in a further twelve.  (pg. 49; 23% on Kindle)

    "What're quantum mechanics?"
    "I don't know.  People who repair quantums, I suppose."  (pg. 145; 68% on Kindle)

"Up yours, wizard."  (pg. 32; 15% on Kindle)
    Eric was originally a hardcover illustrated novel.  Because of the pictures, Pratchett cut down on the text.  The images were dropped for the mass-market paperback edition, so you end up with a very short book - less than 200 pages.  But the publisher still wants to charge full-price for Eric.  At Amazon and/or Barnes & Noble, it'll cost you an outrageous $7.99.

    I circumvented this by "borrowing" the Kindle version of this for free via my local library.  Which is way kewl, and I even figured out how the Kindle handles the always-entertaining Discworld footnotes.

    Other than its brevity, I found Eric to have a well-crafted storyline.  Each wish is addressed, and shown to be not near as desirable as it first seems.  The humor is vintage Pratchett; the similes are scintillating; and the ending, in Hell, is both whimsical and sensible.  8½ Stars, particularly if you manage to avoid the rip-off full-price.

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde

1891; 244 pages.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Classic Lit; Gothic Fantasy.  Overall Rating :  9*/10.

    Dorian Gray is a young man of exceptional beauty, whose likeness is exquisitely captured by an artist friend of his.  But upon viewing the finished work, Dorian is sad, and even jealous, because while he'll grow old and lose his beauty, the portrait will remain forever young.  He wishes he could trade destinies with the painting.  And somehow this causes Fate to cruelly grant him his wish.

What's To Like...
    The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde's only novel, caused both a sensation and a scandal when it was first published in 1890.  On one hand, Wilde gives some poignant observations on love, society, and morality in general; and in particular the upper classes of Britain and American women.  Moreover, it's the best piece of Gothic literature since Edgar Allan Poe.

    OTOH, the first version of TPoDG had overt allusions to homosexuality, which the 1890's Victorian society found highly offensive.  Wilde was forced to tone down and/or delete some of the more blatant passages before the 1891 printing, which is usually the version published nowadays.

    Dorian Gray is a great character study and reminds me a lot of Dostoevsky's Prince Myshkin, in the recently-read The Idiot.  Both start out fetchingly naive and filled with ideals  and good intentions.  Both gradually become tainted: Prince Myshkin by Russian society; Dorian by his own guilt and sin.

    Finally, the central "scapegoat/sin-eater" theme is a great one.  If you could have something else absorb the responsibility for the ugly, sinful wrongs you commit, how would it affect your actions?  And what role would your conscience play?

Kewlest New Word...
Jarvies  :  Plural of jarvey, the driver of a carriage for hire.

Excerpts...
    "I make a great difference between people.  I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects.  A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.  I have not got one who is a fool.  They are all men of some intellectual power and consequently they all appreciate me.  Is that vain of me?  I think it is rather vain."  (pg. 13; Kindle 3%)

    Society - civilized society, at least - is never very ready to believe anything to the detriment of those who are both rich and fascinating.  It feels instinctively that manners are more important than morals, and, in its opinion, the highest respectability is of much less value than the possession of a good chef. (pg. 138; Kindle 63%)

"Dorian's whims are laws to everybody, except himself."  (pg.20)
    I thoroughly enjoyed The Picture of Dorian Gray, and I am not a fan of Classic Lit by any means.  Outside of one stretch of philosophizing, the rest of the novel was superb.  The pacing was good, the premise was original, and the Faustian horror would make Poe smile.  There was some subtle ironic humor seasoned in, and Wilde's jabs at society are numerous, sharp, fascinating, and spot on.

    The Picture of Dorian Gray is Oscar Wilde's only novel.  After this, he turned to writing plays, and then got embroiled in a series of legal suits/countersuits, trials, imprisonment, and deteriorating health.  By 1900, a short 10 years after TPoDG was first published, Oscar Wilde was dead.

    9 Stars. This is a free download for the Kindle at Amazon.

Half Asleep In Frog Pajamas - Tom Robbins

1994; 386 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Contemporary Fiction; Humor.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    The Thursday before Easter has been the worst day of Gwendolyn Mati's life.  She's a stockbroker in Seattle, and the market has just crashed like a go-kart in a destruction derby.  She'll probably lose her job on Monday (the market's closed on Good Friday) unless she figures out a way to cover up her losses.  If she doesn't come up with something, she can kiss her dreams of wealth and affluence goodbye.

    But hang on to your tattered panties, Gwendolyn, because your life is about to get as surreal as a Salvador Dali painting on acid.  Your boyfriend's born-again monkey has escaped, your 300-lb Tarot-reading girlfriend has disappeared, and some long-haired wacko just back from Timbuktu says the fun is just beginning.

What's To Like...
    Half Asleep In Frog Pajamas is told in the second-person.  When's the last time you've read a book from that perspective?  To boot, a male author crawls inside a female character's head, and that's always a challenge.

    Our heroine is not all that likeable - and that's a plus for me.  She's greedy, manipulative, and a bit of a snot.  But she has a good heart, a good head, and a good bod; so things kinda even out.

    And of course, this is Tom Robbins, which means you're being treated to some great writing, some zany plotlines, and humor that ranges from subtle to slapstick.  Robbins has a gift of creating unique and fascinating personalities, and here you're given a bonus of about a zillion similes/metaphors that rival even Terry Pratchett for sheer hilarity.

Kewlest New Word...
Isochronous : occurring at the same time.

Excerpts...
    Belford is lying on the bed, eyes closed and an expression on his face that could end three Italian operas and still have enough anguish left over to butter an existentialist's toast.  You lie down beside him.  You wish only to comfort him, you tell yourself - as if Belford could not be comfortable with his fly fully buttoned.  (pg. 58)

    No, no, no.  Ridiculous.  Animals, even intelligent animals - perhaps most especially intelligent animals - do not share man's pathetic need to socialize bliss, codify awe, pigeonhole the Mystery, and tame the Divine.  For an ape, born twice is entirely redundant, since an ape gets it right the first time.  At least, that is how Q-Jo has put it.  Personally, you haven't a clue in spiritual matters, but you do know, or deeply suspect, that a monkey who once mingled with aristocrats in Swiss ski resorts and movie stars on the French Riviera, would find the company of Seattle Lutherans drab, dour, and dorky beyond all belief.  (pg. 228)

Mediocrity's a hairball coughed up on the Persian carpet of Creation.  (pg. 158)
    For all its wit and wackiness, HAIFP will never be touted as Robbins' tour de force.  The stock market setting doesn't make for lots of thrills and spills, and the theme - that we Americans are too materialistic - while probably true, has been done to death.

    The ending is a letdown.  A number of plotlines never get resolved, which means you end up with enough MacGuffins to stage a family reunion.  Half Asleep In Frog Pajamas screams for a sequel, but none has been penned in the ensuing 18 years.

    It's still worth 7½ Stars, cuz it is Tom Robbins, and it is a delight to read.  Just don't get too involved in the storyline itself, and tell yourself that it has an existential ending.

New Atlantis - Francis Bacon

1627; 52 pages (but I Kindled it).  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Philosophy.  Overall Rating : 4*/10.

    Setting sail from Peru in the 1620's, a ship of explorers runs smack dab into a fierce Pacific storm.  Just when all hope appears lost, the crew finds an island haven.  And it's not even deserted; it has towns, fresh water, lush farmlands, and white, English-speaking  inhabitants - all living in harmony with each other.

    So how did they get here?  And how is it they know so much about Europe, when no one in Europe has seen or heard of them?  Most of all, why does everything seem so perfect here?

What's To like...
    Forget the plotline; New Atlantis is really Bacon's musings on how to achieve a Utopian society.  He drapes a bare-bones story around it so that he doesn't sound preachy, which is quite clever.

    Francis Bacon was, among other things, a scientist (the father of the "scientific method" or empiricism), a statesman (Lord Chencellor), and an ardent (Anglican) churchgoer.  The world of New Atlantis reflects this.  Those who govern do so only to promote the welfare of the people.  Science and Engineering invent things that make life better, with no adverse side-consequences.  And Jews and Christians co-exist here, each offering fervent prayers to their respective gods.  Children honor their parents, the land yields an abundance of food, and the natives freely share with our band of bedraggled sailors.  What more can you ask for?

    New Atlantis also allows Bacon to share some views on things like the origins of the "uncivilized" New World natives, homosexuality, and polygamy.  He also makes some startling technological predictions.  Things like glasses, airplanes, submarines, hearing aids, amplifiers, telescopes, miscroscopes, and genetic engineering.

Kewlest New Word...
Boscage : a growth of trees or shrubs; a thicket.

Excerpts...
    "But thus you see we maintain a trade not for gold, silver, or jewels; nor for silks; nor for spices; nor any other commodity of matter; but only for God's first creature, which was Light: to have light (I say) of the growth of all parts of the world."  (pg. 23; 49% on Kindle)

    "I have read in a book of one of your men, of a Feigned Commonwealth, where the married couple are permitted, before they contract, to see one another naked.  This they dislike; for they think it a scorn to give a refusal after so familiar knowledge: but because of many hidden defects in men and women's bodies, they have a more civil way; for they have near every town a couple of pools, (which they call Adam and Eve's pools) where it is permitted to one of the friends of the men, and another of the friends of the woman, to see them severally bathe naked."  (pg. 32; 68% on Kindle)

Happy are the people of Bensalem. (pg. 27)
    Bacon's use of a seafaring storyline is both clever and a drawback.  His vision of Utopia is fine and dandy, and well thought out.  But readers want to see it put to the test.  What will happen if the crops fail; if a despot comes to power; or if the European empires become aware of New Atlantis's location?  A lush island in the middle of the South Pacific would be a vital place to take on fresh provisions.  Worth conquering, and worth fighting to keep.  Utopias are fragile.

    New Atlantis is short, which is the main reason I read it.  It's the first book I downloaded to my Kindle, and I wanted to get comfortable with the bells-&-whistles of the device.  If the Kindle wasn't for me, at least I'd find that out in 50 pages, not 500.

    It was interesting to read about 17th-century philosophies and ideals; and Bacon's technology predictions are eeerily insightful.  But Bacon is not a novelist, and New Atlantis screams for some tension, some bad guys, or some paradise-threatening drama.  You shooda hired an editor, Sir Francis.  4 Stars, but I do like my Kindle.

The Greener Shore - Morgan Llywelyn

2007; 301 pages.  New Author? : No.  Sequel to "Druids", reviewed here.  Genre  :  Historical Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

    Thoroughly defeated by Julius Caesar's Roman legions, the druid Ainvar flees Gaul with the pitiful remnant of his tribe - about 20 people total.  Albion (England) is out of the question; Caesar has conquered it as well.  But Hibernia (Ireland) is ideal - there are Celts and Druids there.  And no Romans.

    But these are not the same Celts as were in Gaul.  Nor the same Druids.  Will Ainvar and his band survive?  Will they fit in?  Should they retain their lore?  Their customs?  And will the Romans come one day to subjugate Hibernia?

What's To Like...
    First and foremost, The Greener Shore is historical fiction.  There really were Celts in Ireland in Roman times.  And since we know almost nothing about Druids (and what little we do know comes from the Romans, who hated them), Morgan Llywelyn is given free rein to weave a marvelous-yet-believable Gaelic world in Hibernia.

    But TGS is also a personal saga.  The Roman victory in Gaul has left Ainvar bitter, full of hatred towards Caesar, and with no faith in Druidism anymore.  Not surprisingly, he finds he has lost his powers as a result.

    Finally, there is a fantasy elment to TGS.  There is the mystical relationship between the Druids and Mother Earth.  And there are also the "little people", who were living in Ireland before the Celts arrived.  The Celts call them the Tuatha de Danann, and they are forgotten now.  But are they really gone?

Kewlest New Word...
Murmuration : The "group" term for starlings.  Like a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a school of fish, a sneak of weasels, etc.

Excerpts...
    "What else does the chief druid do?"
    Fiachu gave me a blank look.  "What else is there?"
    "Well, what are the functions of your other druids?"
    "They interpret omens."
    "Is that all?"
    What else is there?" he repeated.
    What else indeed.
    My thoughts ran back to Gaul.  Druids whispering to seeds in the frozen earth so they would burst forth in the springing time.  Druids lighting the fires that called back the sun from the kingdoms of ice.  Druids recalling the past and foreseeing the future  Druids supervising birth and burial.  Druids keeping the dead and the living in harmony with each other, with the Earth, with the Otherworld.  The whole complex structure of druidry that had been so elaborately interwoven to cherish the creation of the Source.
    Gone.  (pg. 71)

    "You seem genuinely fond of Labraid," I remarked to the Roman.  "I'm glad for his sake, yet puzzled, too.  He's not a very likable man."
    Probus chuckled.  "I was born old and Labraid will never grow up.  The symmetry appeals to me."  (pg. 287)

"Druidry is inclusion, not exclusion.  To be druid means to be part of, not apart from."  (pg. 118)
    If you don't care about history in general and druids in particular, you might find The Greener Shore a bit slow.  Unlike the first book, Druids, there isn't any fighting to be found here.  Also, this isn't a stand-alone novel.

    But for me, this book was a thorough delight.  Morgan Llywelyn is a superb writer; the storyline and ending are skillfully crafted; and the subject material is something that interests me greatly.  The author has written a slew of other novels about historical Ireland, and I look forward to reading more of them.  9½ Stars.

The Silent Cry - Anne Perry

1997; 356 pages.  Book #8 of the William Monk series.  Genre : Murder-Mystery.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

    Two bodies are discovered in the dead of night in one of the toughest, seediest slums of London.  They've been savagely beaten; one is dead and the other is just barely clinging to life.  Well, these things happen in St. Giles.

    But there are a couple odd things.  The two men are richly dressed.  What would they be doing in such a neighborhood?  And they turn out to be father and son.  And as the investigation proceeds, it appears they were fighting each other.  Could the son have murdered his father?

What's To Like...
    The Silent Cry is my introduction to William Monk, and I like him.  He's short on charm, yet has a certain persuasiveness about him.  He sometimes reaches wrong conclusions.  He quit the police force in a huff some time back, but due to a bout of amnesia, he doesn't know why.  Best of all, he's not burnt out.

    The setting - London in 1860 - is nicely done.  The historical fiction is convincing, without distracting from the plot itself.  There is a running storyline in this series (now up to 17 books), but this is also a stand-alone book.

    The mystery unfolds nicely.  There are three main good guys - the investigator William Monk, the cop John Evan, and the nurse Hester Latterly.  They all seem to be working on spearate cases, but you know they're going to converge at some point, and Anne Perry carries this out seamlessly.

Kewlest New Word...
Running Patterer : a street peddler, specifically one who tries to sell his wares via long, glib, entertaining spiels on public thoroughfares.

Excerpts...
    She was also to keep his room warm and pleasant for him, and to read to him should he show any desire for it.  The choice of material was to be made with great care.  There must be nothing disturbing, either to the emotions or to the intellect, and nothing which would excite him or keep him from as much rest as he was able to find.  In Hester's view, that excluded almost everything that was worthy of either the time or effort of reading.  If it did not stir the intellect, the emotions or the imagination, what point was there in it?  Should she read him the railway timetable?  (pgs. 38-39)

    "'Ow do I know?  I seen lots o' geezers wot don't belong 'ere, but usual yer knows wot they're 'ere for.  Reg'lar brothels or gamblin', or ter 'ock summink as they daren't 'ock closer ter 'ome."  (pg. 185)

"The wisest thing ... is to accept blindness and not either to blame yourself or to blame others too much."  (pg. 120)
    The Silent Cry is an entertaining read, but problems arise when you begin to analyze the technical aspects of the mystery.  For starters, the victim/suspect's injuries render him unable to speak or write; so he is reduced to nodding his head yes or no.  But couldn't Nurse Hester point to letters or words on a chalkboard to improve his communications abilities?  And if he wasn't inclined to communicate, why give him those injuries in the first place?

    There are at least three other similar inconsistencies, but since they border on being spoilers, I'll list them in the Comments section of this post.

    Also, the ending is a bit weak.  The mystery is solved; the innocent defendant is exonerated.   But the real perps are not apprehended, and therefore we don't get the dramatic (albeit hackneyed) confession from the guilty as to why they did it.
   
    The Silent Cry is not a bad story, but it could've been so much better if the last 50 pages of it had been tightened up.  I blame the editor.  7 Stars.

Bearing An Hourglass - Piers Anthony

1984; 357 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

    Bearing An Hourglass is the second book in Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality series.  By being in the wrong place at the right time, Norton hesitantly takes over the position of Incarnation of Time as its previous holder winks out of existence.

    It's a mixed blessing.  There are some kewl perks, but also some things that take getting used to.  Such as having one's lifetime run backwards to everyone else's.  And having to match wits with Satan.

What's To Like...
    BAH is similar in structure to the first book in the series, On A Pale Horse (reviewed here).  Norton receives some nifty pieces of equipment to go with the office, and goes on some neat quests as he learns the ropes of being Chronos.

    Piers Anthony again takes the opportunity to muse upon the aspects of the main topic, in this case it's Time, instead of Death.  Things like Predestination, Time Stoppage, and one of my favorites - Traveling backwards and forwards through Time.

    You meet some kewl characters, such as Bems ("Bug-Eyed Monsters"), an Alicorn (like a unicorn, but without the cuteness), and a Sword Elf.  Thanatos and Luna reprise their roles from the first book, and there is the novel concept of a "ghost marriage".  Quantum Physics (the birth of the universe) shows up again (I've been encountering it a lot lately), and when's the last time you met a hero named "Norton"?

Kewlest New Word...
Discarnately : In an immaterial, disembodied state; without a body or form.

Excerpts...
    "At age two I fashioned a rope out of my blanket and scaled the summit of the playpen wall and went after the cat.  I vivisected her after she scratched me for cutting off her tail.  So they brought in a werecat who changed into the most forbidding old shrew when I bothered her.  She certainly had my number; when I toasted her feline tail with a hotfoot, she wered human and toasted my tail with a belt.  I developed quite an aggravation for magical animals."  (pg. 4)

    ",drawkcab gnivil er'eW" she said.
    "?eh si lleh eht ohW" the man demanded, glaring at Norton.
    ",snomed morf gnidih s'eH" she explained.
    "-lleW" he began, then paused.  "?drawkcaB"
    ",drawkcaB" she agreed firmly.
    "!top eht ffo tog" tsuj I tuB" he said, annoyed.
    The woman looked at her unconsumed repast.  "?did uoY" she asked, making a connection.  "-snaem taht nehT"
    "taht toN" he exclaimed.  (pg. 238)

"Is that all there is to human life - blasting gunks?"  (pg. 280)
    The separate parts of BAH are entertaining, but they never coalesce into a coherent whole.  Side characters come and go, and you keep expecting them to reappear, to have their fates resolved, but it doesn't happen.

    Norton goes on quests, but they don't really contribute to the overall plotline.  Our fledgling Incarnation once again thwarts Satan's designs, and while the confrontation is a bit more protracted than in OaPH, outwitting the Ultimate Evil One is still all too easy.  And Sning ("Snake Ring") seems to conveniently have all the answers to too many questions, so that there's a lot of telling when there should be more showing.  All this may gel at some point further along in the series, but is it too much to ask that each book provide a complete story within itself?

    Still, BAH gives you lots to think about (such as inter-species bigotry), and Norton's adventures make for interesting reading.  As long as you don't ask it to all fit together.  5½ Stars.

The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky

1869; 578 pages.  Genre : Russian Lit.; Classic Lit.  New Author? : Yes.  Overall Rating : 9*/10.

    After 4 years of being treated for epilepsy in Switzerland, Prince Myshkin returns home to Mother Russia.  He has almost no money, knows no one, and has no idea how he's going to survive.  But it doesn't bother him; he will trust in the goodness of others and endure.   Whatever happens, will happen.

    What will he think of his countrymen?  And what will they think of him?

What's To Like...
    The crux of The Idiot is this : if you took a person who embodies all the Christian ideals, and plopped him down in mid-19th century Russia, what would happen?  Dostoevsky's opinion is that they would like him initially, and even confide in him because of his simplicity and lack of guile.  But ultimately they would scorn him as an idiot, and this is the author's scathing indictment of his fellow Russians.

    But Dostoevsky presents his characters so well, and makes their scorn seem so reasonable; that you can't help but see things their way as well.  And the Prince's goodness does have a small-but-positive effect on those around him.  Alas, the reverse is true as well.  The Myshkin at the end of the book has acquired a bit of a "taint", which the Myshkin at the beginning of the story didn't possess.   He is now wiser to the ways of the world, but it came at a cost.

    Dostoevsky also uses The Idiot as a vehicle to present his views on a whole slew of topics.  Here's some that I noted : Capital Punishment, Love, Gossip, Turning the other cheek, Forgiveness, Honor, Atheism, Slander, Fraud, Politics, Gun Control, Death, Charity, Suicide, Catholicism, and Jealousy.

     He creates a fascinating "anti-Myshkin" in Parfyon Ragozin, and it is enlightening to watch their interaction.  And ultimately, like a great Shakespearean play, we come to realize that a tragic ending is inevitable.

Kewlest New Word...
Charivari : A noisy mock serenade typically performed by a group of people in derision of an unpopular person or in celebration of a wedding.

Excerpts...  (and there were lots to choose from)
    "There's not one person here who is worth such words," Aglaia burst out.  "There's no one here, no one, who is worth your little finger, nor your mind, nor your heart!  You are more honourable than any of them, nobler, better, kinder, cleverer than any of them!  Some of them are not worthy to stoop to pick up the handkerchief you have just dropped... Why do you humble yourself and put yourself below them?  Why do you distort everything in yourself?  Why have you no pride?"  (pg. 319)

    There is, indeed, nothing more annoying than to be, for instance, wealthy, of good family, nice-looking, fairly intelligent, and even good-natured, and yet to have no talents, no special faculty, no peculiarity even, not one idea of one's own, to be precisely 'like other people'.  To have a fortune, but not the wealth of a Rothschild; to be of an honourably family, but one which has never distinguished itself in any way; to have a pleasing appearance expressive of nothing in particular; to have a decent education, but to have no idea what use to make of it; to have intelligence, but no ideas of one's own; to have a good heart, but without any greatness of soul; and so on and so on.  There is an extraordinary multitude of such people in the world, far more than appears.  (pg. 431)

"Better be unhappy and know the truth, than be happy and live like a fool."  (pg. 487)
    This is Russian Lit - it's long; every character has two names; it's a difficult read; and there's a lot of drama and not much action.  You have to accept those things going is, and read it a bit at a time.  For me, 15-30 pages per sitting seemed right; and it took me a month to get through The Idiot.  But I found it to be a masterpiece.

    Dostoevsky's question - would a righteous person survive in a decadent society - can be applied to modern-day America as well.  One wonders if the USA today is like 1869 Russia - a half-century away from a thoroughly corrupt 1% being forcibly overthrown by a 99% that's poor and getting poorer, and without any hope for improvement of their lot.  9 Stars.

The Key To Midnight - Dean Koontz

1979; 475 pages.  Genre : Action; Intrigue.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Alex Hunter owns a PI agency in the states.  One of its few cases that was never solved involved the kidnapping of a US senator's daughter.

    That was a dozen years ago.  Now, sitting in the Moonglow Lounge in Kyoto, Alex is startled to see that the singer/owner of the place is a spitting image (plus 12 years, of course) of the kidnapped girl.  But she insists she was raised in Brighton, England, where her parents died in a tragic auto accident.  About a dozen years ago.

    So it is obviously a case of mistaken identity.  Okay, fine.  Just one thing bothers Alex.  Why are people now tailing him?

What's To Like...
    This is an early Dean Koontz book, written long before he settled into the Horror genre.  It's got lots of action and a kewl mystery.  It even has a Romance for the lady readers.  Indeed, the publishers forced Koontz to use the pseudonym Leigh Nichols when The Key To Midnight first came out, so that it would appeal to a wider audience.

    The two main characters - Alex and Joanna Rand - are developed nicely.  The pacing is great, and every time you think you've figured out how it's going to end, Koontz plops a plot-twist on you and your whole theory gets shot down.

    The resolution of the mystery is both original and believable.  And the settings - Japan, England, and Switzerland - are way kewl.

Kewlest New Word...
Preternatural : Out of, or being beyond the normal course of nature; differing from the natural.

Excerpts...
    "You need Joanna as much as she needs you."
    "You've told me that before."
    "Have I?"
    "You know you have."
    She smiled at him mischievously, bowed to him, and assumed an air of Asian wisdom that was partly a joke and partly serious.  "Honorable detective should know that repetition of a truth does not make it any less true, and resistance to the truth can never be more than a brief folly."
    She closed the door, and Alex didn't move until he heard the lock bolt slide into place.  (pg. 131)

    "Well, sir, they tell you to humor madmen if you meet one.  And it seems especially wise to humor one with money.  The only thing that bothers me - is it coppers watching you?"
    "No," Alex said.
    "Is it coppers, young lady?"
    "No," Joanna said.  "They're not good men at all."
    "Sometimes neither are the coppers."  (pg. 336)

"Tension, apprehension, and dissension have begun"  (pg. 234)
    There is some clunkiness in TKTM.  The descriptions of Japanese culture, especially the food ones, feel like they were lifted out of a travel book.  So does the train route in Switzerland.  Early on, Alex is manhandled by a thug, which was actually a refreshing change-of-pace.  But later on, he disposes of an armed, highly-trained assassin with relative ease.

    But these are quibbles.  The Key To Midnight may not be great literature, but Koontz is a master storyteller, and he'll keep you turning the pages.  If you like reading Lisa Jackson, you'll probably like this book.  8 Stars.

The Last Continent - Terry Pratchett

1998; 390 pages.  Genre : Comedic Fantasy.  New Author? : No.  Book #22 in the Discworld series.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Ook.  The librarian at the wizards' Unseen University (who's an orangutan) is sick, and every time he sneezes, he changes into some other animal.  Iggle.  Well, sometimes he changes into things like a piece of furniture, although it's nice to sit in a chair upholstered in red fur.  Eek.  Without him in control, the Books of Magic in the Library are in open revolt, and that threatens all of Discworld.  So we better cure the librarian.

    A spell should do the trick, but you need to know the librarian's name (he once was a human) to direct the incantation.  Alas, he's been an orangutan for so long, no one remembers his name,.  Rincewind would, but he's on the other end of Discworld - on a mysterious island called Xxxx, or The Last Continent.

    So our plucky band of Wizards transport themselves to Xxxx (pronounced 'Fourecks') to find Rincewind.  But there's a small hitch.  They've landed 30,000 years in the past.

What's To Like...
    The two main themes of The Last Continent are Terry Pratchett's salute to Australia and his musings about Evolution.

    The Wizards are here, and that inevitably means mayhem runs rampant.  Rincewind is here, and that means The Luggage is also present.  DEATH makes a couple appearances, and there's a kewl God of Evolution.  There's even a tip of the hat to Quantum Physics.

    You might miss "regulars" like the Night Watch, Lord Vetineri, and the Witches, but there are Mad Dwarves, friendly jailers/executioners, a second Rincewind, and a magical kangaroo to stand in their places.

     The humor is more laid-back than in the early Rincewind novels, but there's plenty to chuckle about.  30,000 years might sound like a huge gap between the two storylines, but Pratchett merges them into a well-crafted ending.

Kewlest New Word...
    There's some Aussie slang phrases, but that's about it.  No words that I didn't already know.

Excerpts...
    (T)here are some people who have a legend that the whole universe is carried in a leather bag by an old man.
    They're right, too.
    Other people say: hold on, if he's carrying the entire universe in a sack, right, that means he's carrying himself and the sack inside the sack, because the universe contains everything.  Including him.  And the sack, of course.  Which contains him and the sack already.  As it were.
    To which the reply is: well?
    All tribal myths are true, for a given value of "true".  (pg. 2)

    "Haven't you noticed that by running away you end up in more trouble?"
    "Yes, but, you see, you can run away from that, too," said Rincewind.  "That's the beauty of the system.  Dead is only for once, but running away is for ever."
    "Ah, but it is said that a coward dies a thousand deaths, while a hero dies only one."
    "Yes, but it's the important one."   (pg. 150)

    The ability to ask questions like "Where am I and who is the 'I' that is asking?" is one of the things that distinguishes mankind from, say, cuttlefish.  (pg. 369)

A wizard without a hat (is) just a sad man with a suspicious taste in clothes.  (pg. 65)
    If you've never read a Discworld book before, The Last Continent is probably not the one to start off with.  It helps to already know Rincewind runs away from trouble; it helps to already know why the librarian has a penchant for bananas; it helps to already know DEATH is a likeable chap.

    Discworld fans will find this a solid effort by Terry Pratchett, and an entertaining read.  It may not be the greatest book in the series, but it's still pretty darn good.  Mate.  8 Stars.

The Genesis Machine - James P. Hogan

1978; 299 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : "Hard" Science Fiction.  Overall Rating : 4½*/10.

    Brad Clifford is a research scientist (specialty : Applied Mathematics) at a government-funded Think Tank.  What he's theorized might revolutionize the way we look at the universe.  But it doesn't impress our government who's only interested in ideas that can be used to defeat our enemies.  They want Brad to stop wasting time and tax dollars, and work on something more useful to the war effort.

    But Brad has other ideas...

What's To Like...
    The Genesis Machine is essentially James P. Hogan presenting Quantum Physics to sci-fi readers.  It was cutting-edge theory when he wrote this, and it still is today.  Hogan advances some fascinating speculation on how it could change our world.

    Brad Clifford, a "Ward Cleaver" sort of guy, teams up with Aubrey Phillipsz, who's more of an iconoclast.  But there's no culture-clash; both are brilliant thinkers who complement each other in exploring the new theory.

    Politically, James Hogan was a libertarian, so the governments in TGM come off - for the most part - as hopelessly flawed.  Published in 1978, it is set in 2005, and Hogan develops an Alternate History for the 27 years in between.  It's fun to contemplate, but it's only cursorily presented, mostly to justify our own government being paranoid.

Kewlest New Word...
Persiflage : light and slightly contemptuously mockery or banter.

Excerpts...
    The popular notion of a molecule as a tiny, smooth ball of "something" - a model that, because of its reassuring familiarity, had been tenaciously clung to for decades despite the revelations of quantum wave machanics - was finally put to rest for good.  "Solidness" was at last recognized as being totally an illusion of the macroscopic world; even the measured radius of the proton was reduced to no more than a manifestation of the spatial probability distribution of a point k-function.  (pg. 7, and a pretty good introduction to Quantum Physics)

    "Scientists!  You wanna pick daisies while the whole world's up for grabs.  You're telling me about delusions ... and all that time you're chasing after reality and truth and all that shit!  Let me tell you something, mister ... that's the biggest delusion.  (...) Truth is truth when enough people say it is - that's the reality of the world we live in.  Your world is a delusion."  (pg. 77)

"Anything's possible until somebody proves it isn't..."  (pg. 120)
    The primary drawback of The Genesis Machine is that it's too much science and not enough fiction.  There's a lot of technical explaining going on, but the plot is thin and frankly, feels like an afterthought.  The government tries some dirty tricks, but they're so easily circumvented that the tension never builds.  And after all that hard science, the titled Genesis Machine turns out to be quickly-made and not very "hard".

    The story has a nice moral to it, but the bad guys seem remarkably dense when it comes to trying to thwart our heroes' plans.  I'm thinking an Israeli commando team could've taken out the good guys in no time at all, and without raising a sweat.

    It's a pleasant change to read some science fiction that doesn't involve dragons, space aliens, and/or convenient wormholes.  But there still needs to be a compelling storyline, and The Genesis Machine  just didn't have it for me.  4½ Stars.

Sherlock Holmes and the Red Demon - Larry Millett

1996; 315 pages.  Genre : Holmesian Mystery; Historical Fiction.  New Author? : No.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

    James J. Hill is a very rich man.  He owns a railroad that services the logging industry in Minnesota, north of St. Paul.  To boot, he owns most of the surrounding forest.

    But someone who calls himself The Red Demon wants to ruin him.  By burning down his forest.  And his railroad.  And the entire town of Hinckley, where his business is centered.  And all the inhabitants therein.

    James J. Hill doesn't know who the Red Demon is, or why he's so mad at him.  But he can afford the very best detective in the world to figure it out.  Sherlock Holmes.  And his associate, Dr. Watson.

What's To Like...
    Larry Millett lives in the Twin Cities area, used to work for the St. Paul daily newspaper, and has researched its history and written extensively on it.  So the "historical" part of Sherlock Holmes and the Red Demon is a masterful thing.  Bringing Holmes and Watson to Minnesota in the 1890's is a bit of a stretch, but via copious notes and an amusing fictional Introduction, Millett renders it plausible.

    The case itself is so-so.  Nothing as complex or mystifying as, say, The Case of the Speckled Band.  But it kept me guessing throughout and had a logical resolution.  The pacing is good, and the cast of suspects, if not engaging, are at least diverse and equally suspicious.

Kewlest New Word...
Porte Cochere : a carriage entrance leading thru a building or wall into an inner courtyard.

Excerpts...
    "You've had a chance to read the letters, Watson.  Tell me, what do you think?"
    "They are the work of a demented mind," I said at once.  "It is my opinion that we are dealing with a madman!"
    "My dear Watson, your command of the obvious is, as always, nonpareil," Holmes said in a mocking manner which I did not find amusing.  "Of course, the person who would write such letters is quite mad.  But the world is full of madmen, and the problem before us is this: What do these letters tell us about this particular madman?"  (pg. 28)

    "Holmes. It is you!"
    "Who did you think it was?" Holmes replied with a smile.
    "The devil," I admitted groggily, for my mind was still somewhat tangled in the cobwebs of sleep.
    Holmes, who obviously took my remark as a compliment, laughed and said, "I have always thought the devil must be a most interesting fellow, with a fine criminal type of mind, and perhaps one day I shall meet him.  But I assure you, Watson, that when yout time comes, it will be St. Peter and not the Prince of Darkness who shall greet you in the great beyond."  (pg. 224)

"If the best evidence of your senses leads you to believe that a thing is impossible, then it probably is."  (pg. 75)
    There really was a James J. Hill; there really was a town called Hinckley; and it really was subject to a great fire in 1894 that claimed hundreds of lives.  Which is not a spoiler, since Millett mentions it in the Introduction.

    Arthur Conan Doyle can rest easy - he's still the master of writing Sherlock Holmes fiction.  Larry Millett won't knock him from his pedestal, but this is a decent effort nevertheless, and I've seen worse.  See here, for example.  We'll give SHatRD 7½ Stars, a bit more if you like Minnesota history.

Flashman and the Mountain of Light - George MacDonald Fraser

1990; 365 pages.  New Author? : No.   Book #9 in the Flashman series (but #2 chronologically, as it is told as a flashback).  Genre : Historical Fiction.  Overall Rating : 6½*/10.

    The situation in India in 1845 is tense.  South of the Sutlej River is British territory, with a large army that is unfortunately all spread out.  North of the Sutlej is Punjab, the realm of the Sikhs.  They have a standing army of about 80,000; well-trained, itching to pick a fight with the British, and more than willing to kill their own rulers on the slightest whim.

    The British need to send a diplomat to Punjab, who must also be a spy.  That man must speak the local language, be brave and self-confident, and above all be ...um... expendable.  Who better to send than Flashman?

What's To Like...
Flashman and the Mountain of Light (which refers to the Koh-i-Noor diamond) chronicles the events of the First Anglo-Sikh War.  There is treachery and butchery; political subtlety and bloody battles.  George MacDonald Fraser is meticulous in his research and details.  Some of the events seemed hard to believe, but a check at Wikipedia confirmed them.  Flashman is still Flashman - bedding every woman he meets, running from every danger that arises, and somehow ending up looking like a hero.

    The sex scenes are fewer-and-farther-between than in the other Flashman book I've read (reviewed here), and that's a plus.  My biggest issue remains the same though - the prolific use of the N-word.  I recognize it was a commonly used-term 150 years ago, but it isn't today, and it wasn't when Fraser wrote this series.  A skilled writer could have worked around this offensive term.

Kewlest New Word...
Titivation : a small, enhancing alteration made to something, especially to make oneself more attractive.

Excerpts...
   "They have lost the spirit," says one know-all.  "Afghanistan was the death of them."
    "Afghanistan is everyone's death," says another.  "Didn't my uncle die at Jallalabad, peace be on him?"
    "In the British war?"
    "Nay, he was cook to a horse caravan, and a bazaar woman gave him a loathsome disease.  He had ointments, from a hakim (chemist), to no avail, for his nose fell off and he died, raving.  My aunt blamed the ointments.  Who knows, with an Afghan hakim?"
    "That is how we should slay the British!" cackles an ancient.  "Send the Maharani to infect them!"  (pg. 156)

    When I think of the number of men - and women - who have taken me at face value, and formed a high opinion of my character and abilities, it makes me tremble for my country's future.  I mean, if they can't spot me as a wrong 'un, who can they spot?  Still, it's pleasant to be well thought of, and has made my fortune, at the expense of some hellish perils...  (pg. 326)

"Most inconsiderate of me, but all's ill that ends ill..."  (pg. 192)
    You will enjoy FatMoL if you are a history buff, and don't mind political incorrectness.   Flashman is a charming scoundrel, and he seems to have picked up a couple redeeming qualities since Book #1.  The humor is piquant and Flashman's self-deprecation makes him a fine anti-hero.

    OTOH, an obscure foreign war may not be of great interest to a lot of readers, and since the action doesn't get started until around page 115, it may be a chore to many to stick with this book.  Nonetheless, if you do, it redeems itself nicely, and I managed to make my peace with the occasional offensive passages and enjoy the story.  6½ Stars.

Wizard and Glass - Stephen King

1997; 694 pages.  Book #4 in the Dark Tower series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Epic fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

    The ka-tet of Roland, Eddie, Jake, Susannah, and Oy continue their quest to reach the Dark Tower.  Alas, as the story opens, they're trapped on a psychotic monorail train called Blaine, bound for an otherworldly Topeka, Kansas.  They will either arrive in peace, or in pieces.

What's To Like...
    At last we get some much-needed background about Roland the Gunslinger.  Specifically, he tells the rest of the band the saga of his first true love, Susan Delgado.  We are also introduced to his two bestest buds, Alain and Cuthbert.

    The backstory is a fantastic piece of story-telling by Stephen King.  The bad guys are formidable and cunning; the good guys make mistakes (especially Roland), particularly in underestimating the baddies.  There is romance and sorcery, and a kewl Alt-History world.  There is plenty of action and unexpected plot twists; and a few nuggets of wit and humor are scattered about amongst the drama.

    The ending is an improvement over the cheap cliffhanger device used to close out Book #3.  The cast of characters in Roland's tale, even the secondary ones, are fully-developed and fun to get to know.

Kewlest New Word...
Ruction : an unpleasant reaction to, or a complaint about something.

Excerpts...
    Jutting from the center of the falls, perhaps two hundred feet below the point where the river actually went over the drop, were two enormous stone protrusions.  Although Jake had no idea how a sculptor (or a team of them) could have gotten down to where they were, he found it all but impossible to believe they had simply eroded that way.  They looked like the heads of enormous, snarling dogs.
    The Falls of the Hounds, he thought.  There was one more stop beyond this - Dasherville - and then Topeka.  Last stop.  Everybody out.  (pg. 33)

    Roland looked up and saw Susan sitting in her window, a bright vision in the gray light of that fall morning.  His heart leaped up and although he didn't know it then, it was how he would remember her most clearly forever after - lovely Susan, the girl at the window.  So do we pass the ghosts that haunt us later in our lives; they sit undramatically by the roadside like poor beggars, and we see them only from the corners of our eyes, if we see them at all.  The idea that they have been waiting there for us rarely if ever crosses our minds.  Yet they do wait, and when we have passed, they gather up their bundles of memory and fall in behind, treading in our footsteps and catching up, little by little.  (pg. 376)

Argyou not about the hand you are delt in cards or life.  (pg. 179)
    The weird thing about Wizard and Glass is that the backstory is literally 3/4 of the book.  It is therefore not surprising that the main story - the quest for the Dark Tower - hardly progresses at all.

    Blaine-the-train is quickly dispatched; our heroes land in a parallel-world Kansas that has been laid waste by some sort of plague; Roland tells his story; and that's pretty much it.  There is a closing, climactic encounter with some baddies, but it doesn't resolve much.  One wonders when Stephen King is going to get around to advancing the main plotline.

    Still, the merits of the backstory far outshine the slow-moving main tale.  So let's sit back and enjoy an enchanting saga from Roland's youth, and we'll worry about the Dark Tower some other day.  8½ Stars.

The Pilgrim of Hate - Ellis Peters

1984; 198 pages.  Book #10 of the Brother Cadfael series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Murder-Mystery; Cozy.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

    Someone has stabbed a noble knight to death on a street in Winchester, which lies several days away from Brother Cadfael's abbey in Shrewsbury.  It is also time for the Feast of St. Winifred at the abbey, and that will attract pilgrims from all around.  Is it possible that the murderer will be among them?  Hmm.  Well if not, we wouldn't have much of a story to tell, would we?

What's To Like...
    The sleuthing will certainly be a challenge.  There's no description of the perp, and by the time word reaches Brother Cadfael of the deed, there is no longer a body or crime scene to investigate.  Anyone among the hundreds of pilgrims could've done it, or none of them.

    The historical setting is great.  There really was a St. Winifred (the Wiki link is here) and at the time the story is set in (1141 AD) the Abbey at Shrewsbury had just begun enshrining the (supposed) bones of St. Winifred (she died about 500 years earlier) and commemorating it with an annual Feast.

    The Pilgrim of Hate is unique (at least so far) in the series in that Brother Cadfael seems to have a mystical link with St. Winifred and there is a bona fide miracle that takes place.  The events in the other books have all been this-worldly.  At slightly less than 200 pages, the story moves at a good clip, and as always, Ms. Peters is a master at giving a vivid rendering of 12th-century England.

Kewlest New Word...
Neum : any of various notational signs used in medieval church music; they were put above the words to be sung to show approximate pitch, melody line, etc.

Excerpts...
    "Where the sun shines," said Hugh ruefully, "there whoever's felt the cold will gather.  My cause, old friend, is out of the sun.  When Henry of Blois shifts, all men shift with him, like starvelings huddled in one bed.  He heaves the coverlet, and they go with him, clinging by the hems.  (pg. 1)

    "It is a right and a wise desire," said Radulfus.  "One thing tell me - are you asking for absolution for failing to fulfill the oath you swore?"
    Luc, already on his knees, raised his head for a moment from the abbot's knee, and showed a face open and clear.  "No, Father, but for swearing such an oath.  Even grief has its arrogance."
    "Then you have learned, my son, that vengeance belongs only to God?"
    "More than that, Father," said Luc.  "I have learned that in God's hands vengeance is safe.  However long delayed, however strangely manifested, the reckoning is sure."  (pg. 189)

"As long as the saints have money ... rogues will never be far away."  (pg. 39)
    I got the feeling that Ellis Peters' main reason for penning TPoH was to advance the background stories of both England in general (it was historically a very unstable time) and of Brother Cadfael personally.  She does a good job of this, but it comes at the cost of the murder-mystery itself.  And the solving of the crime is the raison d'etre for any murder-mystery.

    There may be hundreds of pilgrims, but it quickly becomes clear that there are only 5 or 6 suspects, and it doesn't take long for that to dwindle to just two.  Also, the side-story - involving the miracle - never really gets tied into the main storyline.  Even Peters' trademark romance angle comes off as being thinner than usual.

    In short, The Pilgrim of Hate doesn't quite measure up to the other three books I've read in this series.  It's still a worthwhile read, but more for the history therein.  I'd give it 6 Stars, maybe a bit more if you are reading these in order, which I'm not.

Knees Up Mother Earth - Robert Rankin

2004; 439 pages.  Book #7 of the Brentford Trilogy (yeah, I know); Book #2 of the Witches of Chiswick trilogy.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Humor; Fiction.  Rating : 9*/10.

    Armageddon approaches!  The Dark Lord not only walks the earth; he owns a huge corporation headquartered in Brentford.  He's recruited Cthulhu and other demons, who are now ensconced in his penthouse.  All that remains is to free the Beast, who curiously enough, is imprisoned beneath the Brentford soccer field, aka Griffin Park.

    Of course, the Brentford soccer team has prior claim to the field.  But they're the Bad New Bears of English football.  How hard could it be to buy them out, disband the team, and begin the excavations?

What's To Like...
    You'd think that saving the world from the Ultimate Evil would be the main theme here, but frankly Knees up Mother Earth is primarily about the friendship between bestest buddies Jim Pooley and John Omally.  They get drafted to be the coach and manager, respectively, of the bumbling Brentford ball club.  Their assignment : to take this bunch of perennial losers and guide them to winning the FA Cup, which is the equivalent of winning the World Series in baseball.

    Of course, this being a Robert Rankin book, you also get lots of running gags, wacky humor, pints-in-a-pub scenes, and witty dialogue.  The cast of characters that Rankin dreams up are a fun bunch to hang out with, and there's even a weee bit of Time-Travel.  Oh yes, and something incredibly kewl called a Hartnel Grumpiness Hyper-Drive.  I definitely want one of those.

Kewlest New Word...
Prial : a corruption of "pair royal", and which strangely enough, means 'three persons'.

Excerpts...
    "As you know, I am compiling a book, The Complete and Absolute History of Brentford.  You would be surprised by the many interesting facts that I have turned up regarding the borough."
    "No we wouldn't," said Jim, taking out his pack of cigarettes.  "There can be few places on Earth more interesting than Brentford."
    "You've never travelled widely, have you Jim?" asked the professor.
    "Jim gets a nosebleed if he goes on the top deck of a bus," said John.  (pg. 56)

    That creature is unthinkable," said Jim.  "And impossible, too.  This is Brentford, Professor, the real world.  This kind of stuff does not belong in the real world.  The real world is buses and babies and bedtime.  It isn't this.
    "Bedtime?" said John.
    "I couldn't think of anything else beginnign with 'b'."
    "Breasts," said John.  "Boobs, bosoms, b-"
    "Shut up, John.  This is serious."
    "I know, my friend, I know."  (pg. 218)

"He who dines with the Devil must do so with a very long fork."  (pg. 223)
    Griffin Park is real.  The Brentford soccer team is real.  Their ineptitude is real; they are a Fourth Tier team, which we'd call a "D" League.  To boot, Robert Rankin based this story on a real-world experience - he was actively involved in working to save Grififn Park from being bought up by developers and turned into a subdivision.

    Because of this, Knees Up Mother Earth has more of a plot than a number of other Rankin works.  Granted, Rankin stories don't absolutely need a storyline to be entertaining, but it's a big plus anyway when one shows up.  So we'll give this a rating of 9 Stars, and close by saying,  "Knees Up, Fellow Readers!"

The Avatar - Poul Anderson

1978; 404 pages.  Genre : Sci-Fi.  New Author? : Kinda.  I've read the "Hoka" books he co-wrote with Gordon Dickson, but never one that he wrote alone.  Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

    Ah, T-machines!  A.k.a.  portals, star-gates, wormholes, etc.  If you enter them via the carefully-placed guidance beacons (placed there by the mysterious "Others"), you will come out at a pre-selected, terra-compatible planet many light years away.

    But if you enter it haphazardly, as the spaceship Chinook and her crew did (the alternative was to be obliterated by rapidly-approaching missiles), you will come out at any one of thousands of other time-space points.  And the odds of you ever finding your way back to present-day Earth are ...ahem... astronomical.

What's To Like...
     The Avatar is a nice blend of space opera and "hard" science fiction.  Poul Anderson held a degree in Physics, so it is not surprising that he works a lot of Quantum Mechanics into the story.  Which is timely, given that I just got done watching a 4-part PBS/Nova special ("The Fabric of the Cosmos", hosted by Brian Greene) on that subject.

    Being part Space Opera means that there are lots of worlds to visit, some of which have strangely different life-forms.  It also means there is lots of sex.  Too much sex.  Free love with lots of partners.  Poul either was writing out his own fantasies, or else those of the teenage boys that would presumably be his target audience.

    The crew of the Chinook are interesting enough - there's the rugged captain, a "hippie" first mate (with emphasis on "mate"), a holothete (huh?), etc.  Most interesting of all is the alien ("Betan")  dubbed Fidelio, who is there as an emissary to try to understand human beings.  The book cover captures his description nicely.

    Finally, it's nice to have to deal with alien races that are actually more advanced than us.

Kewlest New Word...
Sophont : an alien being, with a base reasoning capacity roughly equivalent to or greater than that of humans.

Excerpts...
    "You're being a government, Aurie," he remarked.  When she gave him an inquiring glance, he explained, "The single definition of government I've ever seen that makes sense is that it's the organization which claims the right to kill people who won't do what it wants."
    He could have gone on to admit that he was oversimplifying, since she was obviously acting on behalf of a group whose own behavior might well be unlawful, but he didn't think it was worth his while.  (pgs. 27-28)

    "We could stay here, in spin mode and a wide orbit," Weisenberg suggested.  "Apparently we've a reasonable chance that a ship will come in before we starve.  I daresay her civilization can synthesize food for us and won't mind doing that.  Her crew won't be able to guide us home, but doubtless we could live out quite interesting lives on her planet of origin."
    "Are you serious, Phil?" Caitlin asked.
    "No.  I have a family.  I did think one of us ought to state the case for remaining."  (pg. 331)

"Ever heard of Occam's razor?  I've shaved with it from time to time."  (pg. 26)
    All the trappings in The Avatar are well-done.  Unfortunately, the crux of any science fiction novel is its storyline, and that's a major weakenss here.

    First off, the pacing sucks.  The book's more than half done before we enter the first T-machine.  That's way too long of an introduction.  Then we visit some really neat new worlds and times, but without any advancing of the plot until there's only 50 pages left, at which point we still have no idea why this is called The Avatar.  We finish off with an ending that is unconvincing and feels rushed.

    One gets the feeling Anderson was more interested in preaching his libertarian politicial views here than creating a compelling sci-fi story.  I still enjoyed this book, mostly for the "hard science fiction" it presented.  But if Quantum Physics isn't your shtick, you might give this a pass.  5½ Stars.