Up The Down Staircase - Bel Kaufman

   1965; 370 pages.   New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Humor; Schools & Teaching; Epistolary Literature.  Laurels : 64 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    Today’s the big day!  Sylvia Barrett starts her new job in her new career!

    Okay, so it’s as a substitute teacher at Calvin Coolidge High School, which is not the most prestigious educational institute in town.  That would be Willowdale Academy.  But hey, this is Sylvia’s chance to get her foot in the door, and maybe that will eventually lead to an opportunity to teach at Willowdale.

    It's an exciting moment for Sylvia.  She will be teaching several classes of English and shepherding a homeroom class.  She dearly wants to make an impact on the teenage lives in both of those situations.  She can hardly wait to see their faces light up when they’re introduced to Shakespeare's plays or Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken”.

    Best yet, she’ll have the other teachers, the principal, and the school’s entire key support staff to assist her in this new chapter of her life.  It all starts now, the first day of the fall semester.  I wonder what the class’s first words will be?

    “Hi, teach!”

    “Looka her!  She’s a teacher?”

    “Who she?”

What’s To Like...

    Up The Down Staircase came out in 1965, and was a “wildest-dreams-come-true” experience for Bel Kaufman.  She was 50+ years old, this was her debut novel (originally written as a short story), and it became an instant and long-lasting New York Times bestseller.

    The story is written in epistolary format – the text consists of various written communications such as official memos from the school’s administration to teachers, unofficial memos between Sylvia and fellow teachers, student homework essays on English Lit books, notes from students put in the suggestion box Sylvia installs, and snippets of dialogue between her and her students, primarily those in her homeroom class.  I like this format, see here for another book I read in this style.

    The book is based on the author’s personal teaching career experiences, albeit fictionalized to increase the humor value.  The storyline highlights Sylvia’s attempts to connect with her students, most notably Joe Ferone and Eddie Williams, and with mixed results.  There is some mild romantic tension between Sylvia and an attractive-but-dorky fellow English teacher, a mysterious custodian who Sylvia never meets but for whom lots of students request passes to see, and a professional quandary when she contemplates applying for a position at the more upscale Willowdale Academy next semester.

    I liked the character developments of both the students and the adults.  The students include a class comedian (hey, that was me!), an apple-polisher, an overweight girl jealous of Sylvia’s looks, a woman-hater, a girl with a hormonal overdrive, a lone and bitter black student, and a Puerto Rican student searching for his identity.  The school officials include an older, wiser, and trusted confidante, an idealistic but utterly clueless principal, his polar-opposite assistant (aware, but cynical), and a number of fellow teachers, embittered by experiences with “the system”.

    The book brought back memories of high school days.  We too had a mandatory Shakespeare play to read each year, and my teachers presented it with an equal lack of enthusiasm.  Sylvia’s students get assigned 100-word essays, mine were 200-worders, including one memorably called “The Mining Industry in Siberia” that was assigned to me as punishment for some class shenanigan.  OTOH, when Sylvia’s explains the meaning of Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” I was thoroughly thrilled; I hated it and had zero comprehension of it when we read it in high school English.

    For me the most entertaining parts were the replies put in Sylvia's suggestion box by the students, often anonymously, and their mini-essays for homework assignments such as “What I Got Out of English Class so far”.  But be forewarned, if you’re a grammar nazi, you’ll grit your teeth at the spelling, syntax, and punctuation errors.  There’s also some more-serious insight into topics such as racial integration and the uneasy trust issues between students and school officials.

    The ending was kind of a “lump-in-the-throat” thing for me.  It’s not particularly surprising, but makes up for that by being heartwarming, which I think is apt for this type of story.  Lots of issues remain unresolved, but that too is okay – major personal and cultural issues are rarely solved in a single semester.  Timewise, the story covers only the fall term, and it screams for a sequel to cover the spring semester, but alas, this is a one-and-done novel.

Excerpts...

    “Keep on file in numerical order” means throw in wastebasket.  You’ll soon learn the language.  “Let it be a challenge to you” means you’re stuck with it; “interpersonal relationships” is a fight between kids; “ancillary civic agencies for supportive discipline” means call the cops; “Language Arts Dept.” is the English office; “literature based on child’s reading level and experiential background” means that’s all they’ve got in the Book Room; “non-academic-minded” is a delinquent; and “It has come to my attention” means you’re in trouble.  (loc. 600, and is a decoding of key phrases in "Intraschool Communications" that Sylvia is struggling to comprehend.)

    Correct the following for Fri.

1. Rowing on the lake the moon was romantic.

    Correction – While rowing on the lake the moon was romantic?

    Or – Rowing on the lake, the moon was romantic?

2. Looking out of the window was a tree.

    Correction – Looking out of the window a tree appeared in view.

3. I found a pencil loitering in the hall.

    Correction – A pencil loitering in the hall was found by me.  (loc. 3247; homework notes jotted down by a student)

Kindle Details…

    Up The Down Staircase goes for $5.99 at Amazon.  Bel Kaufman subsequently published three more books: a romance, a collection of her essays, and an anthology of short stories by her.  None of these are presently available at Amazon in e-book format.

What do I do about a kid who calls me “Hi, teach?”  (…)  Why not answer Hi, pupe?  (loc. 592)

    The quibbles are minor.  There’s a bunch of acronyms – SS, PPP, PRC, CC, etc. – repeatedly used in the school memos.  Bel Kaufman tells you what they mean the first time, then expects you (and Sylvia) to remember what they stand for thereafter.  Keep notes.

    Some reviewers were critical of the shallow way the integration issue was handled, but Up The Down Staircase is meant to be a lighthearted tale, and frankly, in my high school in 1964 there was no sense of activism about it.  I’m actually pleasantly surprised Bel Kaufman gave it some ink in the book.  Ditto for the use of the word “Negro”, which is obsolete nowadays, but was politically correct back then.

    There is a smattering of cussing, including the F-word (once spelled correctly, once not), which IMO is realistic for high school student dialogue.  In the book's Foreword, Bel Kaufman discusses the efforts by the publisher to get her to "soften" the words used in these instances, which ones she acquiesced to, and which ones she didn't.  That section is somewhat lengthy, but gives some keen insight into pressures that publishing houses can put on fledgling authors.

    8 Stars.  Up The Down Staircase is a fast, easy read; ideal if you have a book review due tomorrow and you haven’t even started reading anything.  It took the reading world by storm in 1965, and was made into a hit movie a couple years later.  Bel Kaufman lived to the ripe old age of 103, born in 1911, died in 2014.  Amazingly, her (second) husband, five years her junior, was still alive when she passed away.  It would be great to have their combined longevity genes.

The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland - Barbara Silkstone

   2010; 250 pages.  Full Title: The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters.  Book 3 (out of 4)  in the “Silkstone Standalone Comedic Mystery” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genre : Florida Noir; Romance; Comedic Mystery; Epistolary; Not-So-Cozy Mystery.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

    Alice Harte has a bad case of AIWS.  That stands for “Alice In Wonderland Syndrome”.  It's possible that the fact that Alice has the same name as the title character in Lewis Carroll’s novel reinforces her syndrome.

    Bouts of AIWS can hit her at any time.  There’s a cat with a toothy grin who keeps appearing out of nowhere, smiling at her, then disappearing just as suddenly.  There’s an attorney in her life who’s a dead ringer for the Walrus.  She meets Nigel, a charming English bloke on an internet dating site, whom she's sure looks like and acts like the White Rabbit.

    Those are all kind of pleasantly loopy experiences, but other AIWS instances are somewhat darker.  She’s been harassed by two big thugs, who she dubs Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum.  Then there's Elizabeth, a crazy lady who sometimes claims to be Nigel’s wife, and other times claims to be his ex-wife.  She’s must be an incarnation of the Mad Hatter.

    Alice is being blackmailed by not one, but two separate slimeballs.  One is her boss, Leslie Archer; the other is is guy who thinks Leslie killed his brother and wants Alice to provide the incriminating evidence.  The latter guy’s name is Marc Hare, so it’s obvious that he’s supposed to be the “March Hare”.

    But be extremely careful around your boss, Alice.  He’s already threatened to have you killed if you leave his company, and he fits the role of the Red Queen.  And we all know what her favorite line in the book is.

    “Off with her head!!”

What’s To Like...

    The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland is an ambitious mix of several genres, including comedy, romance, and first and foremost, a mystery.  It is overlaid with the characters and plotline from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, which is no small literary feat.  I gather the book's original title included the phrase “Age 42 and Three-Quarters”, but that has since been dropped, probably for good reason, since the protagonist’s age has nothing to do with the story.

    Amazon classifies this as a “cozy mystery”, but it that's one genre it isn't.  There’s a bunch of cussing, a mention of “the clap”, a fair amount of pill-popping, and one on-stage decapitation scene.  I’m okay with all that, but mystery lovers who limit themselves to cozies may be in for a shock.

   The book’s structure is a bit weird: We start off with two chapters (a mere 4% Kindle), then the rest of the book is Alice’s entries in her diary, plus some e-mails and text messages.  I’m not sure why those first two chapters weren’t also incorporated into the diary, but overall this qualifies as an epistolary novel, and I’ve always liked those.  Both chapters, and each new day in the diary start off with quotes from Lewis Carroll’s novel, which I thought was a nice touch, and served as teasers for what you were about to read.

    The book is written in the first-person POV (Alice’s), and recounts her adventures as she wades through the mystery of strange behaviors by psychotic crooks, a whirlwind love-affair, and a bunch of crazies as supporting characters.  Curiouser and curiouser.

    I liked the settings: London and Paris are places I’ve been to, so there were some nice tie-ins, including the Gatwick and Charles de Gaulle airports.  Miami, Prague, and the Cotswolds were new places for me, and I enjoyed "visiting" them.  I also admired some of the ways Barbara Silkstone contrived to mimic portions of Alice in Wonderland in the storyline.  The handling of the Lewis Carroll Alice growing larger and/or smaller by eating/drinking various substances is quite clever.

    The ending ties all the mysteries together nicely, and is highlighted by a farcical rendition of the Alice-in-Wonderland trial scene, over which the maniacal Red Queen presides.  Once again, given that this book isn't really presented as a fantasy (with the exception of a Cheshire cat cameos), the manner in which Barbara Silkstone works the Lewis Carroll courtroom antics into the plotline was impressive.

Excerpts...

    “Nuts.”  Maris banged into the door and leaned over my desk, her skinny frame bent in two like a croquet hoop.

    “What are you doing here?” I asked.

    “I wanted to show you this photograph.”

    I was about to bite her head off, but thought better of it.  I had more to gain by humoring her.  I was the ever-available audience for Maris Archer’s search for validation.  Left alone, Leslie’s wife would probably disappear in an overdose of laxatives, folding in on herself like a black hole.  (loc. 203)

   “We all know you are a premature articulator,” I said.

    “How?” he stammered, growing redder by the moment.

    I had no idea what that meant, but it had a strong effect on the little guy.

    “This court is going to find you guilty of fraud,” he said.

    “Objection.”  I banged my hand on the rail and looked at the judge.

    “Ms. Harte, you are on the witness stand.  You can’t object.”

    “This man is falsely accusing me.”

    “That’s his job.”  (loc. 3185)

Kindle Details...

    The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland currently sells for $3.99 at Amazon.  Barbara Silkstone has about 50 e-books available at Amazon, ranging in price from $0.99 to $7.99, most of which appear to be structured similar to this one: mysteries with a one of the classics  (usually a romance) woven into it.

 “When you start drinking, things have a way of falling out of your mouth.”  (loc. 2353)

    There are some quibbles, but nothing major. Some of the events are a bit over the top, especially a couple of the romance escapades Nigel contrives.  But then again, I think the action in any Clive Cussler novel is over the top, and you could say that about Lewis Carroll’s stories as well.  The book could’ve used one more round of editing, and for some unknown reason my e-book highlights/notes from about 25% to 75% got wiped out.

    Finally, for whatever reason I was expecting some sort of mystery set in the world of Alice in Wonderland.  Something like the Knave of Hearts getting murdered, and Alice and the Cheshire cat investigating.  Instead, The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland is set in our world, with a bunch of literary nods to Lewis Carroll added for fun.  But to be fair, there’s nothing misleading about the book’s title or cover art, and Barbara Silkstone isn't responsible for any presumptions I jump to.

    Overall, I enjoyed TSDoAiW, even though I’m not in the target audience.  If you’re looking for lighthearted mystery story, coupled with a charming and humorous romance, plus an occasional severed head or grinning cat crossing your path, this book is for you.

    7 Stars.  In the “About the Author” section at the end of the book, Barbara Silkstone mentions someone describing her writing as “shades of Janet Evanovich and Carl Hiaasen”.  I think that’s both concise and accurate.  If you like those two authors, you’ll enjoy this book.

Ella Minnow Pea - Mark Dunn

2001; 205 pages. Full Title : Ella minnow Pea - A Progressively Lipogrammatic Epistolary Fable. Genre : Contemporary Literature. Overall Rating : A..

    Briefly : The idyllic life on an isolated island off the coast of South Carolina becomes dystopian when the tiles bearing the letters of a sacred phrase ("The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog") begin to become unglued, thus falling off and shattering.

What's To Like...
    The main delight of Ella Minnow Pea ("LMNOP") is the wonderful wordplay created by Dunn. It's sort of a literary mix of the poetry of Sylvia Plath and Ogden Nash. Have your dictionary handy when you read this book; Dunn introduces you to a lot of beautful-but-obscure words, and a bunch of mellifluous ones he simply made up.

.   The main message of LMNOP is this - don't blindly accept the edicts of the politicians and organized religion. Try the spirits, examine the prophecies, and evaluate the probability that a Deity has for some reason chosen them to convey a message to you. To quote a great slogan from an otherwise silly sect : "To question is the answer".

.

    Another less-obvious hypothesis fleshed out in LMNOP is that a language is an organic, evolving entity. The natives of Nollop speak English, but due to their isolation, it's a bit different from our "American", and/or the King's "English". Similarly, I own a "How To Communicate In Autralian" phrasebook that exists because of that sort of isolation. Alas, as more and more of the letters of the alphabet become taboo due to Nollopian laws, their language suffers as well. By the end, when only five letters remain legal, speaking and writing are reduced to essentially a five-year-old's level.

Don't Read LMNOP If...
    If you're in the mood for a dystopian novel, don't read this book. Ditto, if you're looking for a complex storyline and deep character development. The dystopian setting and the letters written are merely vehicles for Dunn to develop the themes listed above. The fact that the oppressive bad guys give up their power after reading a single sentence is ample proof that this isn't a serious look at a Brave New World.

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs...
    I enjoyed this book immensely, especialy since it agrees with my views on the themes Dunn addresses. The purpose of language is to communicate. Commas and semicolons should not be bound by silly rules; they're an art-form. And if you have an opportunity to make up a new word to convery your ideas more clearly (or use an existing word in a new connotation), well kewl beans! You're helping the generational evolution of English.

The Ides of March - Thornton Wilder

Overall Rating : C+.

.

Thornton Wilder was an American playwright and novelist. He won Pulitzer Prizes for The Bridge of San Luis Rey (1927) and Our Town (1938).

.

TIoM is one of his later works, and frankly was not a big seller. It deals with the 6 months or so leading up to Julius Caesar's assassination ("Et tu, Brute", and all that). At 191 pages, it was an opportunity to read something "high brow" for a change, without too much of an investment in time.

.

This is not a historical novel - Wilder makes that clear from the beginning. He 'borrows' a number of things that actually occurred 5-15 years earlier, and time-shifts them to 45-44 B.C. for the sake of his book.

.

What's To Like...

The style is wonderfully unique. There's a high-falutin' word for it : epistolary. Basically, the story here is written as a series of letters from/to the various characters - Caesar, his wife, a lady named Clodia, Cicero, Cleopatra, etc. You can read more about this style here. It works. I'd enjoy trying to write a story in this mode.

.

Being a series of letters, there's always a convenient place to stop if you're a late night reader like I am. Overall, Wilder divides TIoM into 4 "books". They are not chronological; instead, they deal with different themes. Book 1 introduces the characters; Book 2 deals with Love; Book 3 focuses on Religion; and Book 4 details the events that lead up to Caesar being perforated 23 times.

.

The book provides some delightful glimpses into the daily thoughts and activities of people living at the height of the Roman Empire. Okay, actually it's all just Wilder's opinions as to what these would have been, just like Shakespeare did in his play. But it's still quite interesting.

.

The central theme of the book is the "human-ness" of us all. Slave or emperor; ancient Roman or modern reader; we all put our pants on one leg at a time. Inspiring? No. But can you relate? Absolutely.

.

What's Not To Like...

PWP? For the acronymically-challenged, click here. If you're looking for an action-packed storyline, you're better off with Gene Wilder than with Thornton. Ditto for hoping for any humor and/or surprising plot twists. This book can drag at times, especially if you have to plod through a verbose diatribe by Cicero or some flowery prose by Catullus.

.

What Makes Thronton Wilder Worthy of a Pulitzer Prize...

I've read The Bridge of San Luis Rey, and will comment on it at some other time. And I've had to sit through Our Town at least once a long time ago, as it used to be the default choice for every High School Drama Club director who found himself with a limited budget and a dearth of talent.

.

There are recurring themes in Wilder's works. First and foremost is the focus on our humanity. We may aspire to have the world revolve around us, but the truth is, God makes the rain fall on every man.

.

Speaking of the Deity/Deities; Wilder doesn't seem to have a high regard for theism of any sort. At its best, the concept of God(s) serves to give us inner comfort and inspiration; at its worst, Religion exists to be manipulated for self-serving purposes.

.

So what is important to Thornton Wilder? Love. Pure and simple; and in all of its aspects. We live; we die; and in a couple generations, no one remembers us. But to love, and be loved, makes it all worthwhile.

.

Ah, but I digress. The Ides of March is a decent book, if you're in the mood for something philosophical, rather than a thrill-a-minute tale. We'll give it a C+ and snort condescendingly to indicate we've read something high-brow. We'll recommend it to others, but I don't think this will motivate me to pick up anything by Nathaniel Hawthorne or Elizabeth Browning.