Witches Abroad - Terry Pratchett

   1991; 320 pages.  Book 12 (out of 41) in the “Discworld” series.  Book 3 (out of 6) in the “Witches” subseries.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Fantasy; British Humour; Fairy Tales; Satire.  Laurels: 197^th in the Big Read.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    Desiderata Hollow has died.  She was both a witch and a fairy godmother, and she's bequeathed her godmotherly magic wand to the young witch, Magrat Garlick, which surprised some of the more experienced witches such as Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax.  But the wand came with a note and a task.

 

    “You must goe to the city of Genua.  I would of done thys myself only cannot by reason of bein dead.  Ella Saturday muste NOTTE marry the prins.”

 

    There was also a postscript: “PSPS Tell those 2 Olde Biddys they are NOTTE to come with Youe, they will onlie Ruine everythin.”

 

    There’s no doubt that the “2 Olde Biddys” refer to Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax.  And there’s no doubt that Desiderata knew exactly how they’ll react to being forbidden to accompany Magrat.

 

    All three witches will be heading to Genua.

 

What’s To Like...

    Witches Abroad is Book 12 of Terry Pratchett’s 41-volume “Discworld” series.  I’m not reading them in order, and that doesn’t seem to be a handicap at all.  It’s also part of the 6-volume “Witches” subseries, of which I’ve now read all but one.  The three witches all get equal time in the spotlight here.

 

    In a nutshell, Witches Abroad is a take-off of the Cinderella fairy tale.  The book’s premise is that, for the characters in any such classic story there is no such thing as Free Will, they must adhere to whatever the storyline is.  Our trio of witches are determined to change those rules.

 

    Of course, they do not immediately embrace this task.  While traveling by broomstick to Genua, they cross paths with other tales, such as Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, the Three Pigs, the Three Bears, the Wizard of Oz, and even the game of Clue.  Both the reader and the witches develop an empathy for the poor, doomed Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood.

 

    The book is written in a mild form of English, not American, so you get some British spellings such as jewellery, defence, ante-room, and half-way, but it’s not a distraction.   And Nanny Ogg’s self-coined polyglot efforts are a wonder to behold.  One sample of her efforts is given below.

 

    The greeting “Wotcha!” always makes me smile when I come across in a book I'm reading.  Absinthe gets a brief nod, and it was fun the learn how to turn rocks into pumpkins.  An as is true of almost any Terry Pratchett novel, there are lots of witty footnotes and no chapters.

 

    The ending is vintage Pratchett:  clever without being obvious, and as exciting as a humorous fantasy climax can be.  The plotlines are all tied up and everyone gets their just desserts.  Witches Abroad is both a standalone novel as well as part of a series.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 3,511 ratings and 555 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.22*/5, based on 82,370 ratings and 2,5134 reviews

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Eructate (v.) : to belch.

Others: Vouchsafed (v.).

 

 

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren’t…

    “Just twist the first thing you can grab, as the High Priest said to the vestal virgin.”  (pg. 263)

 

Excerpts...

    “It’s only a folk song, Esme,” said Nanny Ogg.

    “Hah! Said Granny Weatherwax.  “I should just say it is a folk song!  I knows all about folk songs.  Hah!  You think you’re listenin’ to a nice song about . . . about cuckoos and fiddlers and nightingales and whatnot, and then it turns out to be about . . . about something else entirely,” she added darkly.  “You can’t trust folk songs.  They always sneak up on you.”  (pg. 67)

 

    “We ought to be getting on,” she said.

    “Oh, I’m fed up with broomsticks,” said Nanny.  “More than a couple of hours on a stick and I’ve gone rigid in the dairy air.”

    She looked expectantly at the other two.  “That foreign for bum,” she added.  “Although, it’s a funny thing, in some foreign parts ‘bum’ means ‘tramp’ and ‘tramp’ means ‘hobo’.  Funny things, words.”  (pg. 101)

 

“Openny vous, gunga din, chop-chop, pretty damn quick.”  (pg. 76)

    There’s never anything to quibble about in a Terry Pratchett novel, and that holds true in Witches Abroad.  There is a sprinkling of mild cussing in the text, but I only counted five instances in the first third of the book.

 

    If the Discworld witches aren’t your favorite set of characters, you might be slightly disappointed.  Sam Vimes and the rest of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch are absent, ditto for the Librarian (ook!) and any of the wizards.  But there are zombies, vampires, familiars, and a voodoo practitioner to keep you turning the pages.  The character DEATH also pops up from time to time, although he doesn’t have much of an impact on the plotline.

 

    If you’ve never read any Discworld novels, this is as good of a starting point as any, although I’d say that about a couple dozen other books in the series.  The pacing is quick in Witches Abroad, and there’s lots of wordplay, humor, action, and keen Pratchett-inspired insight to keep you entertained.

 

    8½ Stars.  One quick example of the wordplay in Witches Abroad:  One of the characters, a little short fellow intent on wooing Nanny Ogg, is named Casanunda.  It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that that’s the opposite of the name Casanova.