All Together Dead - Charlaine Harris

   2007; 324 pages.  Book 7 (out of 13) in the “Sookie Stackhouse” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Paranormal Romance; Mystery; Vampires.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    Sookie’s got a new job!  But don't worry, she still has her old waitressing one at Merlotte’s in Bon Temps, Louisiana.  The new one’s a moonlighting gig, literally.

 

    She’s going to a giant gathering of vampires, where a number of trials will take place, including the murder charge being brought against Sophie-Anne Leclerq, the Vampire Queen of Louisiana.  The vamps want Sookie to use her telepathic powers to “tap into” the other humans in the crowd, most of whom will be unaware of Sookie’s talent, and might be thinking important clues about the cases being tried.

 

    The work should be easy enough, but it is potentially dangerous as well.  This is a large, well-publicized meeting of the undead, and there are humans out there—most prominently, The Fellowship of the Sun—who are vehemently anti-vampire and feel called by God to kill as many of the fanged fiends as they can.

 

    Even worse, the gathering may also attract some individuals—both living and undead—who have scores to settle with Sookie personally.

 

What’s To Like...

    All Together Dead is the seventh book in Charlaine Harris’s ultra-popular paranormal series, which Amazon labels as the “Sookie Stackhouse” series, while Wikipedia prefers to call it the “Southern Vampire Mysteries” series.  I’ve been reading it in chronological order, so I’m now about halfway through.

 

    The book’s main setting is new turf for Sookie, a fictional city called Rhodes located up along Lake Michigan.  I think this is the furthest Sookie’s been away from her home state of Louisiana.  As usual, the storyline is a pleasant blend of Romance (Sookie is still mad at Bill and currently involved with Quinn), Mystery (well you expect there’ll be some murder-&-mayhem at the convention, right?), and Paranormal Fantasy (human and vampire interacting).

 

    Vampires are by far the main paranormal creatures in All Together Dead, although weretigers, werepanthers, werewolves, fairies, witches, half-demons, and Britlingen all make at least cameo appearances.  I think the Britlingen are new to the series, and I definitely hope to see more of them in the remaining tales.

 

    There were at least eight separate plotlines to follow in the book.  All but one or two of those are tied up nicely.  Charlaine Harris uses italics for the telepathic conversations between Sookie and others, which made such dialogue easy to keep track of.  Speaking of things to keep track of, there are a poopload of characters woven into the storyline.  Most of these are recurring ones, and I think the author does this deliberately to provide mini-backstories for them as an aid for readers who aren’t worrying about book-order to better understand “the bigger picture” of the series.

 

    There are plenty of thrills-&-spills which build to an action-packed climax that's somehow both uplifting and somber.  To give details would entail spoilers and we eschew them in these reviews, but suffice it to say, the pacing is rapid and there are no slow spots.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 3,375 ratings and 561 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.07*/5, based on 197,536 ratings and 3,855 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Fangbanger (n.) : a lover and blood donor of a vampire (slang, made-up).

Others: Catahoula (n.).

 

Excerpts...

    “I’m going to a wedding shower tomorrow.  Not for Jason and Crystal.  Another couple.”

    Pam had paused, her hand on the doorknob of Eric’s office.  She considered my statement, her brows drawn together.  “I am not remembering what a wedding shower is, though I’ve heard of it,” she said.  She brightened.  “They’ll get married in a bathroom?”  (loc. 107)

 

    Andre made a beeline for me.

    “I know,” he said, “that is, Sophie-Anne tells me that I have done wrong to you.  I’m not sorry, because I will do anything for her.  Others don’t mean anything to me.  But I do regret that I have not been able to refrain from causing something that distresses you.”

    If that was an apology, it was the most half-assed one I’d ever received in my life.  It left almost everything to be desired.  All I could do was say, “I hear you.”  (loc. 3600)

 

Kindle Details…

    All Together Dead is presently priced at $8.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the 13-book series range in cost from $2.99 (Book 1 only) to $8.99.  Charlaine Harris has several other series for you, none of which I’ve yet started to read.  The e-books in those range from $4.99 to $12.99.

 

“Save your drama for your mama.”  (loc. 1694)

    As always, there isn’t a lot to nitpick about in All Together Dead.  The cussing is sparse—just 7 instances in the first 20%, including one f-bomb; plus a couple of rolls-in-the-hay along the way.  If you don’t like stories told in the first-person POV, be aware that this book, and the entire series, are all told this way.

    There’s no progress on the Romance angle.  Bill, Eric, and Quinn are all candidates to be Sookie’s true love, and I don’t expect that to be resolved anytime soon.  As already mentioned, there are gazillions of characters to meet and greet, which can get tiresome occasionally, but it's all for a good cause.

 

    The biggest issue, as noted by other reviewers, is the Murder-Mystery aspect.  Sookie finds an ally who is also telepathic, and the two of them set about sleuthing all the mayhem that’s afoot.  Alas, while there’s plenty of intrigue and excitement, the “great reveals” are relegated to just being dialogue in the final chapter.  It felt rather anticlimactic.

 

    But let’s be honest, we read this series for Sookie’s witty narration, for the interspecies interactions, and to witness Sookie falling into an abundance of troubles, yet somehow squirming her way out of it.

 

    All Together Dead succeeds nicely on all those counts.

 

    8 Stars. About halfway through the book Sookie attends a gay wedding, a royal one to boot, and nobody blinks an eye.  On a larger scale, the hypothesis being presented is that, no matter what our superficial differences are (does it really matter what humanoid species we belong to?), we need to learn to accept others as they are.

    Something to contemplate as we hobnob along with Sookie and a slew of vampires.

Mad About Undead You - Carl S. Plumer

   2012; 285 pages.  Full Title: Mad About Undead You: A Zombie Apocalypse Love Story.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Humorous Dark Comedy, Zombie Apocalypse, Paranormal Romance.  Overall Rating : 4*/10.

 

    There’s something strange about the people out and about on the streets of San Francisco.  Donovan Codell is sure of it.  They stink to high heaven.  They have mega-zits.  They growl at people and gnash their teeth a lot.  If they see you, they shuffle towards you.  Not very fast, but very persistently.

 

    Maybe the waiter at the coffeehouse was right.  He said you can’t drink the city’s water right now, although he didn’t say why.  But his coffeehouse will only serve you juice or natural soda.

 

    Oh well, Donovan’s not going to let the locals spoil his day.  He woke up feeling great, in no small part because he had a beautiful girl sleeping beside him.  Nothing short of a zombie apocalypse is going to ruin his mood.

 

    Funny thing about that, Donovan.

 

What’s To Like...

    The setting for Mad About Undead You is the greater San Francisco area, including everything from the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood to several of the islands in the San Francisco Bay.  Donovan and his love interest, Cathren, run all over the place, trying to avoid getting torn to pieces by hungry brain-eaters, deranged scientists, and paranoid geezers.  The subtitle is accurate, this is a Zombie Apocalypse Love Story, but the emphasis leans heavily on the Undead, not the Romance.

 

    The action is nonstop, and loaded with plenty of dei ex machina and Hulk-like abilities to keep our two protagonists from being sliced and diced and chomped and stomped.  For the most part, anyway.  There aren’t a lot of characters to keep track of, and along the way you’ll learn a little bit of French, a little bit of Spanish, and a smidgen of Anglo-Saxon English.

 

    Being a chemist, I always like it when science works its way into a story.  So the rotten-eggs “sulfur odor” was neat, although for me, it triggers a “money to be made” reflex.  The “fertilizer bomb” is indeed powerfully real – it’s what was used in the Oklahoma City bombing.  IIRC, cryogenic “frozen heads” are also a real thing; I vaguely recall reading about a scandal involving cryogenic employees allegedly kicking one of those like a soccer ball, maybe even the one belonging to MLB Hall-of-Famer Ted Williams.

 

    The music references to the Dead Kennedys, Prince’s “Purple Rain”, and Bob Marley’s “No Woman No Cry” were neat; Carl S. Plumer obviously has fine musical tastes.  You’ll learn the value of knowing how to drive a stick shift and what the verb “jonesing” means.  And if you think zombie humans are scary, just wait till you come face-to-face with zombie sharks.

 

    Mad About Undead You is a standalone novel, with short chapters: 77 of them covering the 285 pages of the e-book version.  I didn’t find a sequel, but in looking at Carl S. Plumer’s author’s page on Amazon it appears the book was re-issued with a new title, Zombie Ever After – A Satire, in 2015.  The first four chapters, shown in the “Look Inside” section on the Amazon page looked identical to Mad About Undead You.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Klatch (n.) : a social gathering, especially for coffee and conversation.  (a Yankeeism)

 

Things that Sound Dirty But Aren’t…

    “Let me get your tongue and put it on ice.”  (loc. 855)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  3.5/5 based on 29 ratings and 29 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.42/5 based on 91 ratings and 19 reviews

 

Excerpts...

    A large group of people formed a circle in the middle of the road, their backs to Donovan and Cathren.  The couple stopped, transfixed, and studied the people in the crowd.  Oozing wounds dotted the beings’ flesh.  Open sores pocked their necks, arms, backs.  Rotting skin dripped to the ground.  A couple of them had bits of bright white bone showing through, like headlights in a tunnel.

    “What’s going on?” said Cathren.  “Who are they?  They look so sick.  Are they lepers?  Are they hurt?  Should we help them?”

    “Water drinkers,” Donovan said darkly.  “Unfiltered tap water drinkers.”  (loc. 236)

 

    The brain-eaters were more than halfway down the stairs now.  Donovan aimed and squeezed the trigger.

    Nothing.  The safety was on.  Who would leave the safety on in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?

    He released the safety and tried again.

    Click.

    The zombies were almost upon him.

    Who would leave an unloaded shotgun in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?  (loc. 2745)

 

Kindle Details…

    Mad About Undead You is presently unavailable as an e-book in Amazon, but Carl S. Plumer has three other e-books at Amazon, all in the paranormal genre, and ranging in price from free to $3.99.

 

“Money is no object. (…) In other words, I have no money.”  (loc. 4811)

    Sadly, there is a lot to quibble about regarding Mad About Undead You, which accounts for the low ratings at both Amazon and Goodreads.  The book screams for a better backstory (what the heck is the military doing while zombies are running amok?) and the storytelling has way too many dei ex machina to be believable.  Other weaknesses include:

 

    Cussing.  There’s a lot of it.  I counted 20 instances in the first 10% of the e-book.  There’s nothing wrong with some well-placed cusswords, but excessive use of them is usually a cheap substitute for better writing.

 

    Similes.  They get used ad nauseam here.  In the six pages comprising Chapter 17, for example, the phrase “as if” gets used seven times.  Similes using “like” (“the heat of the doorknob stung her fingers like a serpent bite”) are also overused.

 

    Science Errors.  “HO₂” is not hydrogen peroxide.  “H₂O₂” is.  And there aren’t “over 2,000 trace elements”.  There may be thousands of compounds or molecules, but elements are limited to the 100+ that are listed in the Periodic Table.  Yes, this is nitpicky.  But I’m a chemist.

 

    The Ending.  It’s unsatisfying.  The story ends abruptly with our heroes conveniently finding a haven that’s too good to be believable, and is temporary at best.  Neither the zombie apocalypse nor the health of our protagonists are resolved.  But to be fair, at least it wasn’t a cliffhanger.

 

    Despite all this, I still enjoyed this book.  Donovan and Cathren are interesting characters, and any scenario with hordes of zombies running all over San Francisco is going to be entertaining.  But Mad About Undead You is in bad need of a major rewrite.  And don’t tell me that I’m missing the point, that it’s supposed to be a satire that’s not to be taken seriously.  Satires still need to be coherent and well-written.

 

    4 Stars.  One last thing.  The book cover shown in my Kindle shows a girl’s face with a raven (or crow) in the background.  A google search failed to come up with a single hit for this image.  Instead, the book cover shown above come up, and IMHO, it gives a much better idea about the tone of Mad About Undead You.  But it amazes me that the original Kindle cover image has completely disappeared from the Internet.