Eleven On Top - Janet Evanovich

    2005; 283 pages.  Book 11 (out of 31, soon to be 32) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Plum has quit her bounty hunting job!  She didn’t even give a two-weeks notice, she just walked in Cousin Vinnie’s bail bond office and turned in her handcuffs.

 

    Stephanie’s tired.  Tired of stalked by crazed killer, taunted by naked fat men, shot at, spat at, cussed at, and having her cars destroyed at an alarming rate.  She’s going to find a job with a lot less stress, a lot less violence, and hopefully a bit more pay.  It shouldn’t be too hard to find such a job, right?

 

    Right.  Well, her first new job was at a button factory, where she got fired on the first day for not showing up on time.  The second job was at Kan Klean, a dry-cleaning place and was similarly brief, due to Steph’s dispute with the owner.  The third job, at a fast-food called Cluck-in-a-Bucket, where employees are required to say “Have a clucky day” as customers depart, also canned her.  For burning down the place.

 

    Hmm.  Stephanie’s job history is turning into a nightmare.  I can’t wait to see how her fourth try at new employment turns out.

 

What’s To Like...

    Eleven On Top is the first book where Stephanie Plum isn’t working as a bounty hunter for her cousin Vinnie.  It was kinda neat to see her out on her own.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that her friend and coworker Lula gets promoted to the vacant bounty hunter job, and it was fun to watch her step into Stephanie’s shoes.

 

    As usual for this series, the plotlines quickly multiply.  Steph finds herself being stalked by an unknown psychopath.  Four local, middle-aged men jump in their cars and simply disappear.  Stephanie’s sister Valerie is getting married and Steph’s been tabbed to be both the maid of honor and the music maestro—playing a cello solo.  The problem is she’s never played a cello in her life, but how hard can it be?  Last but not least, the Steph-Ranger-Morelli romance triangle continues to keep all three participants on edge.

 

    There is a plethora of characters to meet and greet; many new, many recurring.  Newly promoted Lula gets lots of ink; so do Grandmas Mazur and Bella.  The action starts right away as Stephanie finds notes and explosives presented to her by her stalker.

 

    The story is once again told in the first-person POV: Stephanie’s.  Eleven On Top was published in 2005, and some objects, such as phone books, landline phones, Tastykakes, and the Fosbury Flop, remind the readers of things which were once commonplace, whose glory days are long gone.

 

    The ending is exciting and twisty-yet-logical.  I knew a plot twist was coming, but it still surprised me (and Stephanie) how and when it unfolded.  The timing of some of the climactic events seemed a bit convenient, but hey, Stephanie has always had luck on her side.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 8,874 ratings and 983 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.17/5 based on 117,862 ratings and 2,539 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You were different,” he said to Valerie.  “I mean, you had a reason for being a dope.  Well, not a dope actually.  I don’t mean to say you were a dope.  Okay, you might have been a little dopey.  No, wait, I don’t mean that either.  Not dopey or dope or any of those things.  Okay, okay, just a teensy bit dopey, but in a good way, right?  Dopey can be good.  Like dumb blond dopey.  No, I don’t mean that either.  I don’t know where that came from.  Did I say that?  I didn’t say that, did I?”  (pg. 90)

 

    “Now that I’m a bounty hunter I’ve got a lot of demands on my time.  I’ve got a real nasty case that I’m working on.  I should be out tracking this guy down right now, only I figured I could take a break from it and help you out.”

    “What kind of case is it?” Val asked.

    “He’s wanted for AR and PT,” Lula said.  “That’s bounty hunter shorthand for armed robbery and public tinkling.  He held up a liquor store and then took a leak in the domestic table wines section.”  (pg. 108)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Eleven On Top presently costs $9.99 at Amazon.  The other e-books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $9.99, with the exception of Book 30, Dirty Thirty, which is discounted to $2.99 for a limited time.

 

“I’m not a cakeaholic”. (. . .) “I only eat cake on special occasions.”  Like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday . . .  (pg. 204)

    The cussword frequency is moderate in Eleven On Top, I counted 15 instances in the first 10%, mostly of the milder ilk. Later on a couple f-bombs show up.  There were also four rolls-in-the-hay, with one being a tripleheader.  None of them were rendered in graphic terms.

 

    I can’t think of anything to quibble about.  I didn’t spot any typos.  There was no progress on Stephanie’s romantic quandary, but hey, do we really want those tense relationships to be resolved?

 

    Eleven On Top is a fast-paced, action-packed blend of humor and crime-solving, with just enough romance blended in to attract the female readers without scaring off the male readers.  So far, I’ve been reading the series in chronological order, and the next book, Twelve Sharp, is on my Kindle awaiting my attention.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  *Total cars trashed* during Stephanie’s sleuthing: Two.  About average for her.

McNally's Luck - Lawrence Sanders

    1992; 323 pages.  New Author? : No.  Book 2 (out of 13) in the Archy McNally series.  Genres : Crime Humor; Private Investigator Mysteries; Florida Noir.   Overall Rating: 9*/10.

 

    Archy McNally sure has been busy lately.

 

    First there was the catnapping of Peaches, an irascible feline with whom Archy doesn’t get along.  But its owners are clients of the McNally family investigation agency, so Pater McNally, has assigned Archy to look into Peach’s plight.

 

    Now there’s been a murder of a client, and Pops has instructed Archy to also work on that case.  These back-to-back investigations are cutting into Archy’s eating, drinking, and socializing time at the Pelican Club.

 

    If only there was some way to combine the two investigations into a single case.  Dream on, Archy.

 

What’s To Like...

    McNally’s Luck is a pleasant blend of crime-mystery, wit, and social commentary.  Archy is the pampered, dutiful son in in well-to-do family where mom, dad, and junior all do their share to make their investigative business a profitable enterprise.  Archy also coordinates his efforts with his friend, Sergeant Al Rogoff, of the Palm Beach Police Department, who’s gritty demeanor contrasts nicely with our hero’s suaveness.

 

    The crime-mystery aspect of the storyline impressed me.  The catnapping plot thread could have easily become absurd, but it doesn’t.  How do you even go about investigating a catnapping, since the victim can’t communicate with you?  Trying to solve the murders (there’s more than one) is equally perplexing.  Archy makes lots of inquiries, with very few results to show for it.

 

    There is also a mystical plot thread, and those always fascinate me.  As part of his sleuthing, Archy attends his first séance, and comes away with mixed thoughts about communicating with the dead to get some answers about the slayings.  I was impressed by how deftly Lawrence Sanders handles this.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV; and was a vocabularian delight.  Archy never uses a plebian word when there’s a highfalutin alternative.  Lawrence Sanders also sprinkles in a few Spanish, French, and Latin phrases, plus a whole bunch of Yiddish ones.  I loved that.

 

    Everything builds to a climax in the form of a meeting of the various investigators.  Combined brainpower carries the day, although only after overcoming several slick plot twists.  The tale closes with an Epilogue wherein Archy gives his thoughts about seances.  Presumably it echoes Lawrence Sanders personal ideas on the subject, and was heartwarmingly done.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Zoftig (adj.) : having a full, rounded or curvaceous figure

Others: Tsores (n.), Pourboire (n.), Logy (adj.), Matutinal (adj.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.3*/5, based on 1,129 ratings and 95 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.96*/5, based on 3,198 ratings and 160  reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “A strong woman,” I opined.  “Domineering.”

    “Do you really think so?” he said.  “That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?  Dominant perhaps, but not domineering.”

    “You poets,” I said, smiling.  “You make a nice distinction between adjectives.”

    “I hate adjectives,” he said.  “And adverbs.  They’re so weak and floppy.  Don’t you agree?”

    “Indubitably,” I said, and we both laughed.  (pg. 197)

 

    “Do you believe in ghosts?”  (. . .)

    “Oh my, yes,” she said airily.  “I have never seen them myself, but I have been told by people whose opinion I respect that spirits do exist.  Mercedes Blair’s husband died last year, you know, and she says that ever since he passed, their house has been haunted by his ghost.  She knows because she always finds the toilet seat up.  No matter how many times she puts the cover down, she always finds the seat up when she returns.  She says it must be her dead husband’s spirit.”  (pg. 254)

 

Kindle Details…

    McNally’s Luck currently is priced at $7.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series range in cost from $6.99 to $9.99.  The first nine books in the series are also available in a trio of 3-book bundles for either $14.99 or $16.99.

 

I had no wish to meet my Maker in the parking lot of a store that sold Twinkies and diet root beer.  (pg. 287)

    The cussing in McNally’s Luck is sparse, which is normal for this series.  I counted just four instances in the first half of the book.  A couple of rolls-in-the-hay are hinted at, but there was nothing lewd.

 

    I can’t think of anything to nitpick about.  Archy’s sleuthing efforts kept me turning the pages, and the witty writing style meant there were no slow spots.  The “Is the Supernatural real of fake?” issue was handled deftly, which is no easy feat.

 

    All the plot threads get tied up except for one: Archy’s goal was to lose 5 pounds, and I don’t recall him ever revealing whether he succeeded in that endeavor.  Based on the eating and drinking episodes he describes, I’m thinking he didn’t.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point (81% Kindle), Archy gives an aside, wherein he shares what he calls “McNally’s First Law of Shopping”.  It is a sage maxim, and we’ll divulge it in the comments.

Ten Big Ones - Janet Evanovich

   2004; 319 pages.  Book 10 (out of 31) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    There’s a psycho running amok in Trenton, New Jersey.  He calls himself the “Red Devil” and has held up fourteen of the city’s deli-marts.  First he robs them, then as he exits, he tosses a Molotov cocktail into the store.  Instant conflagration.

 

    Stephanie Plum accidentally interrupted his routine during his latest heist.  He got a flat tire out of it; she got a burned-to-the-ground car.  But Stephanie caught a glimpse of his face and, though it wasn’t anyone she recognized, she’d know him if she saw him again.

 

    Which, of course happened a short time later.  Unfortunately, the Red Devil also recognized her, and understood the threat when Stephanie yelled, “Hey!  Wait a minute.  I want to talk to you.”  A chaotic chase ensued, with the Red Devil getting away.

 

    It’s kind of weird when a bounty hunter and a pyromaniac robber are both driving around Trenton, teach trying to spot the other.

 

What’s To Like...

    Unsurprisingly, the Red Devil/Stephanie plotline quickly becomes more tangled.  A local gang, the Slayers, gets involved.  Then a contract killer arrives from California with a list of people he’s being paid to dispose of, and Stephanie’s one of them.

 

    Stephanie’s personal life is getting more complicated as well.  Her sister Valerie, to whom she’s lent her apartment, still hasn’t gotten a place of her own, and Stephanie’s current living situation—shacking up with her cop boyfriend, Joe Morelli—is making her feel cramped.  Her subsequent housing solution stirs things up still further.

 

    The gangs, hitmen, psycho store-robbers, and relationship issues give this book a darker-than-normal tone for a Stephanie Plum novel.  Things turn even darker when Steph and friends decide to kidnap a baddie and beat some information out of him.

 

    Fortunately, Janet Evanovich balances all this with some lighter elements.  Mary Alice still thinks she’s a horse, Grandma Mazur and Lula provide comedic embarrassment, and a new character, Sally, shows up sporting something called a “swear band”.

 

    Everything builds to an exciting, over-the-top, and nail-biting ending.  Help arrives from an unexpected source just in the nick of time.  All the “Bounty Hunter” plot threads are tied up, and all the “Love Triangle” plot threads remain enticingly unresolved.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,994 ratings and 994 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.15/5 based on 105,382 ratings and 2,568 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “This wasn’t one of my better days,” I said to Morelli.  “My car was destroyed, I was involved in a shooting, and I just sat through a dinner from hell.”

    Morelli slung an arm around me.  “Dinner wasn’t that bad.”

    “My sister talked cuddle umpkins to Kloughn for two hours, my mother and grandmother cried every time someone mentioned the wedding, Mary Alice whinnied nonstop, and the baby threw up on you.”

    “Yeah, but aside from that. . .”

    “Not to mention, Grandma got completely snookered and passed out at the table.”

    “She was the smart one,” Morelli said.  (pg. 47)

 

    “And I suppose it’s okay for you to go after him?” I said to Morelli.

    “I’m a cop.  We go after criminals.  That’s why you called me, right?”

    “And I’m a fugitive apprehension agent.”

    “Don’t take this the wrong way,” Morelli said, “but you’re not a great apprehension agent.”

    “I get the job done.”

    “You’re a magnet for disaster.”  (pg. 180)

 

“I know a doughnut butt when I see one.”  (pg. 184)

    The profanity level in Ten Big Ones, was about normal.  I noted twenty cusswords in the first 10% of the book, which included a half-dozen f-bombs.  References to adult situations, adult toys, and anatomical organs show up later on.  This is the norm for this series.   And we won't even mention the charming transvestite character.

 

    As mentioned, the ending is exciting, but it also felt a bit hurried and too convenient.  That’s okay, though, there’s simply no way to portray a street gang in a light-hearted manner and still make them believably threatening.

 

    Ten Big Ones is another solid entry in the Stephanie Plum adventures.  If you’re looking for a series that’s funny, thrilling, heartwarming, romantic, quirky, and twisty, I highly recommend giving this bounty hunter a try.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  Total cars trashed by Steph: One.  Total FTA’s rebooked by Steph: Seven.  Our protagonist is becoming an ace bounty hunter.

To The Nines - Janet Evanovich

   2003; 372 pages.  Book 9 (out of 30) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Plum and Lula have a new assignment.  Track down a missing FTA (“Failure To Appear”) kid named Samuel Singh and bring him in.

 

    This is a top-priority case.  So says Stephanie’s cousin Vinnie, who’s her boss and owner of Vincent Plum’s Bail Bonds.  It turns out Vinnie wrote something called a “visa bond” for Samuel, and if the missing-and-presumed-runaway fugitive can’t be found, Vinnie will lose a lot of money and credibility. Unsurprisingly, he’s very insistent that Singh be found immediately, if not sooner.

 

    Mrs. Apusenja and her daughter Nonnie feel the same way.  Samuel rents a room from the mom, and is betrothed to enter into an arranged marriage with the daughter.  Nobody walks out on something Mrs. Apusenja has arranged.

 

    Nonnie of course also wants her future husband found.  But funnily enough, she seems more concerned about her pet dog, “Boo”.  It seems the pup went missing from their yard the same day Samuel disappeared.

 

    Maybe they ran off together.

 

What’s To Like...

    To The Nines follows the standard plot structure for a Stephanie Plum novel, and that’s a plus, not a minus.  The simple catch-&-cuff task quickly gets more complex.  Various parties-of-interest drop dead, cold cases get warmer, and suspects pop up all over the place.  Stephanie starts receiving flowers from an admirer who wants to kill her, not romance her.  And as if Stephanie doesn't have enough to think about, the Ranger-Morelli-Plum love triangle is alive and cooking.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV (Stephanie’s), and for the most part is set in the Trenton, New Jersey area, plus a quick trip out to Las Vegas by Steph and Lula, the expenses of which can happily can be written off as a trip and picked up by Vinnie,

 

    To The Nines was published in 2003, when 9/11 was a recent occurrence and the airports were struggling with security protocol.  Watching Lula’s misadventures with airport security was hilarious, but also brought back personal memories of business trips during that time.  To boot, Samuel Singh worked in a QC lab; that was my career as well.  Other “signs of the times” included Stephanie using AOL as her e-mail carrier, and Magic The Gathering being all the rage.

 

    There’s action aplenty and it starts right away.  We join Lula and Stephanie as they attempt to capture an FTA named Punky Balog, who has a unique way of showing his disdain for their presence.  Janet Evanovich’s trademark wit and humor is present in abundance, as are Stephanie’s musings about her complicated feelings for Joe Morelli and Ranger.  The mention of the I-40 Interstate resonated with me; I’ve driven it a couple of times over the last couple of years.  And the implication that Scottsdale, Arizona was an awful place to live and work made me chuckle; it's considered an upscale snowbird haven by the rest of us Phoenicians.

 

    Things close with a deadly cat-and-mouse game orchestrated by the baddie.  All turns out well, but… well, we'll talk more about that in a bit.  To The Nines is 372 pages long, covered by 15 chapters, with all the plotlines tied up by the end.  It is both a standalone story and part of a 30-book series, and is still “active”, with the 31^st installment due out this coming November.

 

And for us OCD folks who love to keep track of things:

    Number of FTA’s apprehended: 4

    Number of bodyguards worn out: 2

    Number of cars wrecked by Stephanie : Zero!

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,219 ratings and 842 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.16/5 based on 120,841 ratings and 2,415 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Maybe I’d get more cases if I had more hair.  A lot of people don’t like bald men.  Not that I’m bald, but it’s starting to get thin.”  He smoothed his hand over his few remaining strands of hair.  “You probably didn’t notice that it was thin, but I can tell when the light hits it just right.

    “You should try that chemical stuff you pour on your head,” Grandma said.  “My friend Lois Grizen uses it and she grew some hair.  Only problem was she used it at night and it rubbed off on her pillow and got on her face and now she has to shave twice a day.”  (loc. 1429)

 

    “She’s coming with a dish of my mother’s manicotti.  Have you ever tasted my mother’s manicotti?”

    “You sold me out for manicotti!”

    Morelli grinned and kissed me on the forehead.  “You can have some, too.  And by the way, your hair is cute.”

    I narrowed my eyes at him.  I wasn’t feeling cute.  In fact, I’d decided I didn’t like cute.  Cute wasn’t a word anyone would use to describe Morelli or Ranger.  Cute implied a degree of helplessness.  Kittens were cute.  (loc. 4053)

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, To The Nines will run you a mere $2.99 at Amazon.  The rest of the e-books in the series are priced from $2.99 to $9.99.  Janet Evanovich has several other series for your reading pleasure, mostly in the Romance genre, and in the $6.99-$13.99 price range.

 

“I think I might have gotten married to an Elvis impersonator.”  (loc. 2451)

    There’s quite a bit of profanity in To The Nines, but that’s the norm for this series.  There’s a nice selection of cusswords, including eight f-bombs; plus there are a couple of tastefully done rolls-in-the-hay, and one reference to an oral act.

 

    I only spotted one typo: smokey/smoky; and even that one is more a question of the preferred spelling (smoky), rather than being out-and-out wrong.  Kudos to whoever did the editing.

 

    My main gripe is with the ending: it felt contrived, too convenient, and rushed.  It’s difficult to give details without them being spoilers, but here goes.  Two characters get abducted without any details given of how and when.  One of them supplies key information that enables Stephanie to survive the game.  Stephanie’s aiming in total darkness is remarkably accurate, and the cavalry arrives in an unbelievably short time.

 

    Still, the ending was suitably exciting and it got the job done: Good once again wins out against Evil.  Overall, To The Nines was a solid entry in this series, despite the rushed ending.  I enjoyed the book and am eager to read the next one in the series, Ten Big Ones.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Late in the story, there is mention of peanut butter and olive sandwiches.  Stephanie makes them for supper with Joe Morelli, and it is implied that both of them enjoy such a meal.  El Yucko to the Extremo!

Hard Eight - Janet Evanovich

   2002; 326 pages.  Book 8 (out of 29) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime–Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Novel.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    It’s time to branch out a bit.

 

    After seven books’ worth of hauling in FTA’s (“Failures To Appear”), bounty hunter Stephanie Plum elects to do a favor for her parents’ neighbor, Mabel Markowitz, and go looking for Mabel’s daughter Evelyn and 7-year-old granddaughter Annie.

 

    It’s a pro bono job, and Stephanie still has to nab two FTA’s in her spare time.  But Evelyn’s recently divorced and everyone’s pretty sure she’s just gone into hiding with her daughter to keep the ex-husband from getting custody of Annie.  Foul play seems unlikely, and even the ex-hubby seems to want them found.

 

    But take care, Steph.  Other parties seem to also be interested in Evelyn’s and Annie’s whereabouts, and they’re not shy at all about resorting to violence.

 

     Including a rabbit and a bear.  Both about six feet tall.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hard Eight is the eighth book in Janet Evanovich’s great Stephanie Plum series.  I’ve been reading the series in order, although I don’t think that’s necessary.  The standard formula for these books still holds true here: what starts out as a seemingly straightforward task—locate the mother and daughter on the run—rapidly gets more complicated.

 

    Stephanie gets a new, and unwanted, sleuthing partner here, a bumbling lawyer named Albert Klougn (pronounced “Clown”), who adds yet another comedic character to the cast.  I hope Janet Evanovich plans to make him a recurring character.  Valerie’s daughter Mary Alice returns, she who is convinced she’s a horse, although for a while here, she’s also a reindeer.

 

    Stephanie still has to chase down two FTAs (gotta do something to pay the bills), and as usual, hilarious misadventures arise.  There’s also the series-long love triangle involving Stephanie, Ranger, and Joe Morelli to keep the reader entertained.  The recurring effort by Stephanie to choose between the two is once again present, and it’s not a spoiler to say that dilemma will carry over to Book Nine.

 

    The main storyline is the search for Evelyn and Annie, but there are various subplots to keep the reader’s interest.  Who sent the snakes, and why?  Who dumped a body in Stephanie’s apartment?  What’s with the Rabbit and Bear, and later on, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?  Who does Stephanie’s arch rival, Jeanne Ellen Burrows work for and why is she so interested in all this?

 

    I enjoyed learning about both death cooties and TastyKake therapy.  It was neat to find out that Stephanie’s “perfect” older sister Valerie once won a spelling bee in school, since I did the same many years ago.  Determining the bad guy’s identity is pretty easy for both Stephanie and the reader, but that’s okay.  This isn’t a whodunit, it’s a “whydunit”.

 

Excerpts...

    “Wait a minute.  I have a theoretical question.  Suppose you were watching television with me.  And we were alone in my apartment.  And I had a couple glasses of wine, and I sort of passed out.  Would you try to make love to me, anyway?  Would you do a little exploring while I was asleep?”

    “What are we watching?  Is it the play-offs?”

    “You can leave now,” I said.  (pg. 175)

 

    Halfway through the movie, the doorbell rang.  It was Ranger.  Dressed in his usual black.  Full utility belt, looking like Rambo.  Hair tied back.  He stood there in silence when I opened the door.  The corners of his mouth tipped slightly into the promise of a smile.

    “Babe, your couch is in the hall.”

    “It has death cooties.”

    “I knew there’d be a good explanation.”  (pg. 265)

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.7*/5, based on 3,088 ratings and 945 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.16*/5, based on 121,011 ratings and 2,443 reviews.

 

“What are you, nuts? (…) I can’t shoot an unarmed rabbit.”  (pg. 281)

    There are a couple nits to pick.

 

    As usual there’s a bunch of cussing; I counted 23 instances in the first 20%.  There are two rolls-in-the-hay, and one indecent exposure incident.  Overall, this is about average for a Stephanie Plum book.

 

    For me, the bigger issue was the ending.  The tension builds towards an exciting showdown, but then all the action occurs offscreen.  We don’t witness the reunion with Evelyn and Annie, we don’t get to see the bad guys get their comeuppance, and worst of all (ANAICT) we don’t find out why Stephanie’s stun gun malfunctions at the most critical times.

 

    Still, those bad guys do get their comeuppance, and all ends well for the two runaways.  Hard Eight is full of interesting characters, snarky dialogue, romantic tension, and LOL humor.  That’s what I expect in a Stephanie Plum book, and this one delivered on all counts.

 

    8 Stars.  For those who keep track of such things accomplished by Stephanie:  Total Cars Wrecked: 3.  Total Handbags Lost: 1.  Total Handcuffs Lost: 5.

The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart - Lawrence Block

   1995; 372 pages.  Book 7 (out of 12) in the “Bernie Rhodenbarr” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime Humor.  Overall Rating : 7*/10.

 

    Meet Bernie Rhodenbarr, a burglar extraordinaire.  Or slightly more accurately, an ex-burglar, since he’s retired now, having found a new career as the owner of a used-book store.  It doesn’t pay as well as his old profession did, but the job security’s better and the police don’t hassle him as much anymore.  Bernie has found contentment.

 

    Now a new customer in the bookstore named Hugo Candlemas wants to hire Bernie for his burglary skills, for one night only.  But the pay is extremely lucrative, and the job sounds easy enough: break into an apartment, hunt for a portfolio, find it, and steal it. 

 

    Hugo Candlemas has taken several steps to make the heist as foolproof as possible.  He’s figured out a way to get around the pesky doorman, and assures Bernie that apartment's tenant will be out the entire evening.  What could possibly go wrong?

 

    Plenty, Bernie.  Plenty.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart follows Lawrence Block’s usual recipe for a Bernie Rhodenbarr mystery: an easy heist is planned, things go awry, Bernie and the police both try to solve the crime with grudgingly minimal cooperation, and everything eventually comes to a head with a bookstore meeting of all the suspects called by Bernie once he’s figured everything out.  It's a good recipe.

 

    There are plenty of plotlines to keep the things moving.  Corpses show up along the way; all of the suspects seem to have hidden pasts; and things disappear, including Bernie’s attaché case, his latest love interest, and the coveted portfolio.  When the attaché case does resurface, it has an enigmatic message scrawled on it.  It’s meaning seemed obvious to me, but not to Bernie, and it turns out I was obviously wrong.

 

    The book’s title references Bernie’s current cultural craze: watching oodles and oodles of Humphrey Bogart films at the local theater, preferably with a beautiful female companion accompanying him.  Booklovers will enjoy the many literary nods Lawrence Block scatters throughout the tale, including the novelist P.G. Wodehouse (Jeeves), the poet Winthrop Mackworth Praed (who?), and the loquacious historian team of Will and Ariel Durant, co-authors of an 11-volume, 13,549-page compendium called the Story of Civilization, which Amazon offers in e-book form for a mere $99.99.  There’s even a recurring playful wink at Sue Grafton’s “alphabetical” series with the facetious titles of ‘A’ is for Train, ‘Q’ is for Gardens, and ‘I’ is for Claudius, and it wasn't until writing this review that I "got" those bits of wit.

 

    Along the way we learn that Bernie’s middle name is ‘Grimes’, his favorite charity is the AHDA (American Hip Dysplasia Association), and the patron saint of burglars is St. Dismas.  One of the characters is fond of the word “anon” and the use of the subjunctive case, which meant I liked him immediately.  There really is a small village in New York called Quogue (pronounced "kwog"), but the "Internal Macedonian Revolutionary Organization" and the short-lived post-WW1 nation of "Anatruria" are both figments of Lawrence Block’s imagination.

 

    As always, the story is told in the first-person POV (Bernie’s), and as always the witty dialogue, Bernie’s charisma, and the plethora of interesting characters – some new, others recurring – kept me turning the pages.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Loid (v.) : to open (a locked door) by sliding a thin piece of celluloid or plastic between the door edge and doorframe to force open a spring lock.

Others: Thaler (n.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 122 ratings and 58 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.89*/5, based on 2,628 ratings and 149 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    What can I say?  I steal things.  Cash, ideally, but that’s harder and harder to find in this age of credit cards and twenty-four-hour automatic teller machines.  There are still people who keep large quantities of money around, but they typically keep other things on hand as well, such as wholesale quantities of illegal drugs, not to mention assault rifles and attack-trained pit bulls.  They lead their lives and I lead mine, and if the twain never get around to meeting, that’s fine with me.  (pg. 4)

 

    “What’s on the program, a poetry reading?”

    “Not exactly.”

    “Because I didn’t know you were into that.  I read some of my own stuff a while back at a little place on Ludlow Street.  Café Villanelle?”

    “Black walls and ceiling,” I said.  "Black candles set in cat-food cans.”

    “Hey, you know it!  Not many people even heard of the place.”

    “It may take a while to find its audience,” I said, trying not to shudder at the memory of Emily Dickinson sung to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas” and a lifetime supply of in-your-face haiku.  (pg. 285)

 

“You Assyrian guttersnipe.  You misbegotten Levantine dwarf.”  (pg. 291)

    There’s only a sprinkling of cussing in The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart.  I noted only 11 of them in the first quarter of the book, which included only one f-bomb.

 

    I was a tad bit disappointed in the ending.  Yes, it was both twisty and complicated – and that’s always something to look forward to in a Bernie Rhodenbarr mystery.  And yes, I’m happy to say I picked up on the key clue, although I didn’t know what to make of it, whereas Bernie did.  So what's my gripe?

 

    Well, I cringed at the final resolution of all the skullduggery.   Crimes were committed, perpetrators were unveiled, but even though the NYPD was present, no arrests were made.  What kind of object lesson is that?  Yeah, I know.  Picky, picky.

 

    Nevertheless, overall I still enjoyed The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart.  I'd call it a good, but not great, addition to Lawrence Block’s Bernie Rhodenbarr series.  It kept me entertained, despite the bit of stumbling at the end.

 

    7 Stars.  One last chuckle about The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart.  I chuckled at the “euphemisms for a euphemism” coined by Carolyn.  Instead of “a roll in the hay”, or other, more direct descriptive phrases, she opts for “a flop in the feathers” and “a tumble in the feathers”.  It’s little things like this that have made me a fan of this series.

Hot Six - Janet Evanovich

   2000; 336 pages.  Book 6 (out of 26, soon to be 27) in the Stephanie Plum series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Novel.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    For bounty hunter Stephanie Plum, business is pretty good right now.  Uncle Vinnie, the proprietor of Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, has given her four FTA’s (“Failure To Appear”) to round up, deliver, and collect the bounty money.

 

    Three of them – Lenny Dale, Morris Munson, and Walter “Mooner” Dunphy -  look like pretty routine jobs.  Morris Munson might have some tendencies, but that just means Stephanie will pack a firearm when she goes to get him.

 

    The fourth assignment is going to be significantly more challenging.  Carlos Manoso was caught on security videotape leaving a crime scene soon after a murder was committed.  The police consider Carlos a "person of interest" in the case, which probably means they'll arrest him as soon as they get their hands on him.  Unsurprisingly, Carlos has declined to meet with them.

 

    Carlos is better known as “Ranger”, and he’s both Stephanie’s sometimes love interest and bounty hunter mentor.  Can the student really outwit the master and bring him in?  Can she keep her emotions in check while doing so?  Did Ranger commit the murder?  And last but not least, was he really so clumsy as to get caught by a surveillance camera at a crime scene?

 

    Stephanie’s life is about to get steaming hot.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hot Six has two main plotlines: 1.) figure out how Ranger fits in with the crime he's a suspect in, and 2.) if he didn't do it (and let's face it, we can safely assume that), then who did?  As usual, a large dose of romantic comedy is provided by Stephanie because she has the hots for both Ranger and Detective Joe Morelli.  But here the mayhem is augmented by: a.) Grandma Mazur who moves in with Stephanie, b.) a goofy golden retriever who moves in with Stephanie, c.) a pair of inept thugs assigned to tail her, and d.) the crazy antics by the stoner called Mooner.

 

    Once again the story is told in the first-person point-of-view (Stephanie’s).  There are 15 chapters, plus a prologue (we’ll get to that in a bit) covering 336 pages, so roughly 21 pages per chapter.  There’s a fair amount of cussing throughout the book, about half of which has to do with fecal matter and its source, but that's the norm for a Stephanie Plum book.

 

    The plot moves briskly along the whole way, and Janet Evanovich sprinkles in a bunch of interesting side plots, which range from criminal activity (there’s a major mob presence in this part of New Jersey), to hilarious situations, such as the dog-poop auction in Chapter 7.

 

    Lula gets to ride along with Stephanie a lot, and that’s always a plus.  Rex the Hamster is back, and Uncle Vinnie has lots of things to stress out about.  Mooner and Bob are both new, and personally I’m hoping they become recurring characters.  I learned that a “Tech-9” is an assault weapon, which also explains the stage name of the rapper Tech N9ne, whom I happen to like.  Donald Trump and Rocky-&-Bullwinkle both get mentioned, Stephanie goes to a Star Trek party that turns ugly, and we witness what has to be the shortest dognapping caper on record.  I also should mention that, even though they’re a crime family, I loved the names Alexander Ramos gave his three sons: Hannibal, Ulysses, and Homer.

 

    The ending is good, with sufficient excitement plus a couple of neat twists I didn’t see coming.  Ranger gets off the hook - well, that isn’t really a spoiler now, is it? - and the love triangle of Stephanie, Morelli, and Ranger remains unresolved, which also isn’t a spoiler.  Not everyone gets their just desserts (yes, I know technically it should be “deserts”, but I prefer the two-S spelling), and Mooner and Dealer receive an unexpected reward.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.7/5 based on 1,051 ratings.

    Goodreads: 4.19/5 based on 117,489 ratings and 2,428 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You see, Carol was coming out of the Frederick’s of Hollywood store, and she was flustered because she’d just gotten some sexy panties.”

    “Is this going to be embarrassing?”

    “Do you get embarrassed easily?”

    “What’s the point to all this, anyway?”

    “I was hoping you’d drop the charges.”

    “No way!”

    I sat down in the chair by his desk.  “I’d consider it a special favor.  Carol’s a friend.  And I had to talk her off a bridge this morning.”

    “Over panties?”

    “Just like a man,” I said, eyes narrowed.  “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

    “Hey, I’m Mr. Sensitivity.  I read The Bridges of Madison County.  Twice.”  (pg. 32)

 

    “You don’t actually think I’m your wife, do you?”

    His mouth pulled back into a loopy grin.  “No, but if they think I’m really flipped out I can plead insanity.  Poor distraught husband goes berserk.  I’ve laid all the groundwork with you.  Now all I have to do is carve you up and set you on fire, and I’m home free.”

    “You’re crazy!”

    “See, it’s working already.”  (pg. 166)

 

“He’s dead all right. (…) The giveaway is those three holes in his forehead.”  (pg. 227 )

    There’s not much to nitpick about.  There’s a short prologue at the very beginning, which answers an epilogue teaser from the previous book.  If you’re reading the series in order (and I am), it’ll make sense, but if you aren’t – and frankly, I think they can be read in any order – you’ll wonder what the heck it has to do with anything.

 

    The only other thing that bothered me a bit was the stereotyping of the Arab thug, Habib.  But Hot Six was published in 2000, a year before the 9-11 tragedy, and it was a different world back then.

 

    This series is now up to 26 books, with #27 due out later this year.  I suspect that at some point, it will start to feel like the stories are “same-old, same-old”, but that hasn’t happened yet.  As long as Janet Evanovich keeps introducing new criminals for Stephanie to catch, new lovably weird characters to stir things up, and new situations for her family and friends to drive her crazy with, I’ll remain an avid and loyal reader.

 

    8 Stars.  For those veteran Stephanie Plum readers who keep count of the vehicles that she totals in each book, there was only one here (her Honda Civic gets torched), although she’s an accomplice in three more.