Ten Big Ones - Janet Evanovich

   2004; 319 pages.  Book 10 (out of 31) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    There’s a psycho running amok in Trenton, New Jersey.  He calls himself the “Red Devil” and has held up fourteen of the city’s deli-marts.  First he robs them, then as he exits, he tosses a Molotov cocktail into the store.  Instant conflagration.

 

    Stephanie Plum accidentally interrupted his routine during his latest heist.  He got a flat tire out of it; she got a burned-to-the-ground car.  But Stephanie caught a glimpse of his face and, though it wasn’t anyone she recognized, she’d know him if she saw him again.

 

    Which, of course happened a short time later.  Unfortunately, the Red Devil also recognized her, and understood the threat when Stephanie yelled, “Hey!  Wait a minute.  I want to talk to you.”  A chaotic chase ensued, with the Red Devil getting away.

 

    It’s kind of weird when a bounty hunter and a pyromaniac robber are both driving around Trenton, teach trying to spot the other.

 

What’s To Like...

    Unsurprisingly, the Red Devil/Stephanie plotline quickly becomes more tangled.  A local gang, the Slayers, gets involved.  Then a contract killer arrives from California with a list of people he’s being paid to dispose of, and Stephanie’s one of them.

 

    Stephanie’s personal life is getting more complicated as well.  Her sister Valerie, to whom she’s lent her apartment, still hasn’t gotten a place of her own, and Stephanie’s current living situation—shacking up with her cop boyfriend, Joe Morelli—is making her feel cramped.  Her subsequent housing solution stirs things up still further.

 

    The gangs, hitmen, psycho store-robbers, and relationship issues give this book a darker-than-normal tone for a Stephanie Plum novel.  Things turn even darker when Steph and friends decide to kidnap a baddie and beat some information out of him.

 

    Fortunately, Janet Evanovich balances all this with some lighter elements.  Mary Alice still thinks she’s a horse, Grandma Mazur and Lula provide comedic embarrassment, and a new character, Sally, shows up sporting something called a “swear band”.

 

    Everything builds to an exciting, over-the-top, and nail-biting ending.  Help arrives from an unexpected source just in the nick of time.  All the “Bounty Hunter” plot threads are tied up, and all the “Love Triangle” plot threads remain enticingly unresolved.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 7,994 ratings and 994 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.15/5 based on 105,382 ratings and 2,568 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “This wasn’t one of my better days,” I said to Morelli.  “My car was destroyed, I was involved in a shooting, and I just sat through a dinner from hell.”

    Morelli slung an arm around me.  “Dinner wasn’t that bad.”

    “My sister talked cuddle umpkins to Kloughn for two hours, my mother and grandmother cried every time someone mentioned the wedding, Mary Alice whinnied nonstop, and the baby threw up on you.”

    “Yeah, but aside from that. . .”

    “Not to mention, Grandma got completely snookered and passed out at the table.”

    “She was the smart one,” Morelli said.  (pg. 47)

 

    “And I suppose it’s okay for you to go after him?” I said to Morelli.

    “I’m a cop.  We go after criminals.  That’s why you called me, right?”

    “And I’m a fugitive apprehension agent.”

    “Don’t take this the wrong way,” Morelli said, “but you’re not a great apprehension agent.”

    “I get the job done.”

    “You’re a magnet for disaster.”  (pg. 180)

 

“I know a doughnut butt when I see one.”  (pg. 184)

    The profanity level in Ten Big Ones, was about normal.  I noted twenty cusswords in the first 10% of the book, which included a half-dozen f-bombs.  References to adult situations, adult toys, and anatomical organs show up later on.  This is the norm for this series.   And we won't even mention the charming transvestite character.

 

    As mentioned, the ending is exciting, but it also felt a bit hurried and too convenient.  That’s okay, though, there’s simply no way to portray a street gang in a light-hearted manner and still make them believably threatening.

 

    Ten Big Ones is another solid entry in the Stephanie Plum adventures.  If you’re looking for a series that’s funny, thrilling, heartwarming, romantic, quirky, and twisty, I highly recommend giving this bounty hunter a try.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  Total cars trashed by Steph: One.  Total FTA’s rebooked by Steph: Seven.  Our protagonist is becoming an ace bounty hunter.

Brother Hermitage's Christmas Gift - Howard of Warwick

    2017; 128 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Historical Satire; Christmas; Novella; Medieval Fiction.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    December 25, 1066 CE is nigh!  It will be a day of celebration!

 

    Not only because it’s Christmas, or, as they called it back then: Christes Mass Day.  It’s also the day that Duke William of Normandy will be crowned the King of England.  That's William, the victor at the Battle of Hastings over King Harold of the Saxons.  That's the “late” King Harold.

 

    The Archbishop of Canterbury has instructed all abbeys in England to send emissaries bearing gifts to William.  It is prudent to get on the good side of the new ruler.

 

    For reasons best left untold, Abbot Athan, the head of the abbey at De’Ath’s Dingle, has chosen Brother Hermitage to attend the coronation.  Along with his wiseacre sidekick, Wat the Weaver.

 

    Have fun, Hermitage and Wat.  Paint smiles on your faces as you try to forget that you’re both Saxons, not Normans.

 

What’s To Like...

    Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift is a novella-length Christmas tale set in 11^th-century England, in the critical days when the Anglo-Saxon rulership ends and the Normans take over.  It has the same setting as Howard of Warwick’s Chronicles of Brother Hermitage series uses, although here the a trio of the recurring characters play a part.

 

    Unlike the regular books in the series, there is no murders or other crimes for Brother Hermitage to investigate.  Instead, the theme of the story is the nature of gift-giving.  Hermitage and Wat have polar-opposite views about that, and weeklong trek from De’Ath’s Dingle to London gives them ample time to debate it.  They also have to figure out what an appropriate gift the new king should be, and then find one, since they forgot to hit up Abbot Athan for one.

 

    I enjoyed tagging along on their 7-day journey.  Each night lodging and meals must be found, and they are introduced to some fascinating characters.  They also have to beware crossing paths with brigands and marauding Norman soldiers.  And, as is true of all books in this series, Howard of Warwick’s witty dialogue and dry humor is a royal treat.

 

    The story is written in English, not American, so you get weird spellings such as focussed, recognise, practise, and meagre.  But it wasn't distracting, and I always like reading in a foreign language.

 

    The ending is good, with a bit of excitement capping off an otherwise philosophical tale.  The gift-giving storyline has a moral to it, but it’s not what I was expecting.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 448 ratings and 46 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.09/5 based on 190 ratings and 13 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    When established constructions, particularly old Roman ones, fell into disrepair the local folk would gather the fallen stones for their own homes.  De’Ath’s Dingle didn’t fall into disrepair, it jumped.  Local folks knew far better than to use material cast off by that place.  As the saying in those parts went: "The stones of De’Ath’s Dingle; for when the worst isn’t quite bad enough.”  (loc. 148)

 

    “So you expect us to travel to London in seven days?”

    “Correct.”

    “In the middle of winter, across a land not yet conquered and probably swarming with armed groups taking advantage of the chaos?”

    “That’s it.”

    “Two Saxons into an army of Normans celebrating their victory?”

    “You do ask a lot of questions.”

    “We’ll be killed.”  (loc. 276)

 

Kindle Details…

    Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift sells for $1.49 at Amazon right now.  It is related to Howard of Warwick’s popular Chronicles of Brother Hermitage series, which is up to 32 (soon to be 33) e-books.   The prices for those tales range from $2.99 to $4.99.

 

“Amanuesis?”  “A man who what?”  (loc. 579)

    There is zero profanity in Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift which seems appropriate for a Christmas story.  This is the fourth book I’ve read featuring Brother Hermitage, and so far, all of they’ve all been light on the cusswords.  I like it when an author is skilled enough to not have to overuse expletives to tell the story.

 

    For a change, the typos were also scarce.  One missing period, and one clunky wording (“Because it what…”) were all I noted.  The opening word in each chapter (chapters are called “caputs” here; and is that kewl, or what!) has an extra space in it, but I’m sure this was a formatting issue beyond the author’s control, not a typo.

 

    I can’t think of anything else to grouse about.  Brother Hermitage’s Christmas Gift was a delight to read from beginning to end, and exactly what I look for in a Christes Mass story: short and sweet, and thoughtfully upbeat.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  If you’re new to this series, you should know that Wat the Weaver is renowned for his “sophisticated” tapestries.  Quite a few of the characters here are well acquainted with his masterpieces.  Unfortunately, his craftwork probably is not appropriate as a public gift to a newly crowned monarch.

In the Heart of Darkness - Eric Flint and David Drake

   1998; 445 pages.  Book 2 (out of 6) in the “Belisarius Saga” series.  New Authors? : No.  Genres : Alternate History; Historical Fiction; India; Byzantine Empire.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

    The Malwa are coming!  And they’re threatening to overrun the eastern part of the (Byzantine) Roman Empire!  Quick, send somebody to give them misinformation about our armies there, to scare then by vastly overstating our strength!

 

    Not a problem, sir.  We’ll send General Belisarius to their empire in India, and have him fake becoming a turncoat.  The Malwa will never suspect they’re being duped.

 

    The traitors are coming!  Our spies say a group of plotters plan to assassinate the Emperor Justinian in Constantinople and overthrow the Roman government!  Quick, tell General Belisarius to take command of the loyal Roman armies in that area!

 

    Um, sir.  He’s already on his way to India.

 

What’s To Like...

    In the Heart of Darkness is the second book in a 6-book series co-authored by David Drake and Eric Flint.  The series is based on a historical military commander of the 6^th-century Byzantine Empire.  The authors imagine an alternate timeline wherein Belisarius is aided by an entity from the future.

 

    There are two main plot threads, as hinted at in the introduction.  The setting for the first part of the book takes is almost exclusively India, with just a few cutaways to the Empress Theodora and Belisarius’s wife Antonina, back in Constantinople.  Both those ladies are badass dudettes, neither of whom you’d want to get into a fight with.  In the second half of the book, Belisarius returns to Constantinople to deal with the coup d’etat.

 

    I enjoyed the settings in both India and the Eastern Roman Empire in the 6^th-century.  They felt real to me, and introduced me to empires and historical figures that I knew little or nothing about.  In the Heart of Darkness is an ambitious blend of Historical-Fiction and Alt-History, two of my favorite genres.

 

    Most of Belisarius’s successes are due to his own well-reasoned unpredictability, but he occasionally gets advice from “Aide”, a futuristic spirit, probably computer generated, hiding out in an amulet Belisarius wears on a chain around his neck.  Aide’s insight is valuable, but limited.  His chief contribution is gunpowder, something unknown in our 6^th-century world.  But his attempts to get Belisarius to make mechanized rocket launchers is fruitless because back then the manufacturing technology was quite limited.

 

    The ending, detailing the resolution of the coup d’etat, covers about the last quarter of the book, yet didn’t feel drawn out because it was exciting and action-packed, with the future of the Byzantine Empire hanging in the balance.  The Epilogue updates a number of plot threads, and presumably sets up the next book in the series.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

    Bolides (n., pl.) : very large meteors which explode in the atmosphere.

    Others: Talus slope (n.); Debouched (v.); Epicanthic (adj.), Dacoits (n., pl.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.6*/5, based on 487 ratings and 83 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.21*/5, based on 2,682 ratings and 52 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “How do you get off this foul beast?” hissed the Empress.

    “Allow me, Your Majesty,” said Maurice.  The hecatontarch came forward with a stool in his hand.  He quieted the horse with a firm hand and a few gentle words.  Then, after placing the stool, assisted the Empress in clambering down to safety.

    Once on the ground, Theodora brushed herself off angrily.

    “Gods—what a stink!  Not you, Maurice.  The filthy horse.”  The Empress glowered at her former mount.  “They eat these things during sieges, I’ve heard.”

    Maurice nodded.

    “Well, that’s something to look forward to,” she muttered.  (pg. 229)

 

    “I know that crowd, Maurice.  I grew up with them.  Forty thousand Hippodrome thugs can swamp less than a thousand soldiers—but not without suffering heavy casualties.  Especially in the front ranks.”

    She pointing (sic) toward the mob.

    “I guarantee you, Maurice, they know it as well as we do.  And every single one of that crowd, right this very moment, is making the same vow.”

    She laughed, harshly.  “‘Victory!’  is just their official battle cry.  The real one—the private, silent one—is: you first!  Anybody but me!”  (pg. 414)

 

Kindle Details…

    In the Heart of Darkness does not appear to be available as a standalone e-book, although you can purchase it as part of a 2-book bundle that includes Book One, An Oblique Approach, for $8.99.  Curiously, the other five books in the series are all available as discrete e-books, and cost $6.99 apiece.

 

“God, my husband has the worst taste in generals!”  (pg. 51)

    The use of profanity is light; just 8 instances in the first 25% of the book.  Most of those were of the milder ilk, but one was an f-bomb, which always feels out of place to me when the setting is the ancient world.  The expletive f**k simply wasn’t around until the 16^th century or so.  Other R-rated stuff includes several allusions to “adult situations”.

 

    The authors use a lot of historical technical jargon in the text, such as “negusa nagast”, a title for an Ethiopian prince.  I liked the “realism” it imparted to the text, but a glossary of historical terms would have been handy.  Typos were sparse; just a couple of plural/singular slips: introduction/introductions and resident/residents.  And there was a chase scene which went on way too long.

 

    More serious is the fact that the first half of the book (set in India) seemed completely irrelevant to the second half (set in Constantinople).  I got the feeling I was reading something that was originally conceived as two separate novellas, then got squished together to make a full-length novel.

 

    But if you like reading about diplomatic intricacies and you persevere through the never-ending chase, you’ll be treated to a great finish, replete with lots of thrills-&-spills, and where the bad guys are just as resourceful as the good guys.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  I think this is one of those series where you really want to read it in order.  I didn’t.  Learn from my mistake and buy the Books-One-&-Two bundle at Amazon.