Burglars Can't Be Choosers - Lawrence Block

   1977; 294 pages.  Book 1 (out of 11) in the “Bernie Rhodenbarr” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Hard Boiled Mysteries; Crime-Humor.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Sooner or later, even the most careful burglar gets caught in the act.  Bernie Rhodenbarr is a case in point.

 

    The job seemed like an easy one.  Break into an apartment, rifle a desk, steal a blue box.  Someone’s willing to pay him $5,000 to do that.

 

    The guy who lives there, a patron of the arts, is guaranteed to be out that night, attending a show.  Still, Bernie is taking no chances; he rings the doorbell several times before picking the locks on the door.  There’s no answer, which confirms that no one is home, and Bernie is quickly inside and searching through the desk.

 

    That’s when several bad things happen.  First, two policemen come barging through the door, catch Bernie in the act, and read him his rights.  Second, one of the cops checks the back bedroom—something Bernie hadn’t bothered to do because no one answered the doorbell.

 

    It turns out there’s a corpse in there, with its head bashed in.

 

What’s To Like...

    Burglars Can’t Be Choosers is the opening book in Lawrence Block’s “Bernie Rhodenbarr” series featuring a lovable and adept burglar as the narrator and protagonist.  Despite this being his literary debut, Bernie is experienced in his vocation, well-known to some of the police, and has even served a jail sentence for getting caught once in the past.

 

    The story takes place in New York City, the author’s stomping grounds, and I really liked the Gotham “feel” to it.  As you might in a series where the burglar is the hero, the tone is lighthearted and humorous.  The title reference, at 20%, is one of Bernie’s wry views on life.

 

    Unsurprisingly, Bernie manages to avoid being thrown in jail and quickly begins his own investigation into the mystery.  Who is the unfortunate victim in the bedroom?  Why did someone kill him?  Who and why did somebody set Bernie up to take the rap for the murder?  Why  couldn't he find the blue box?

 

    Bernie’s efforts are hampered by the fact that he’s a wanted man and he can safely assume that the NYPD is watching his apartment.  On the flipside, his lockpicking skills allow him easy entry into just about any place he wants to look for clues.  And, as usual (this is my fifth Bernie book), a sultry female is worked into the storyline and gives him sleuthing assistance plus other added benefits.

 

    The ending is above-average.  The case is solved thanks to two key clues.  One clue is there for both Bernie and the reader to notice and later slap their foreheads for failing to recognize its importance.  The other clue Bernie keeps to himself and only reveals it during the accusation scene.  There are a couple of kewl plot twists, one of which occurs after the perp is identified and the case closed.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Momser (n.) : a contemptible person (Yiddish).

Others: Loid (v.); Bokhara (n.); Gama-Houche (n.; obs.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.2/5 based on 1,074 ratings. and 172 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.82/5 based on 7,173 ratings and 606 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    A funny thing.  The better your building, the higher your monthly rental, the more efficient your doorman, why, the easier it’s going to be to crack your apartment.  People who live in unattended walkups in Hell’s Kitchen will fasten half a dozen deadbolt locks to their doors and add a Segal police lock for insurance.  Tenement dwellers take it for granted that junkies will come to kick their doors in and strong-arm types will rip the cylinders out of their locks, so they make things as secure as they possibly can.  But if the building itself is set up as to intimidate your garden variety snatch-and-grab artist, then most tenants make do with the lock the landlord provides.  (pg. 4)

 

    “I’m relatively new at harboring fugitives but I’ll do my best to harbor you in the style to which you are accustomed.  Is it called harboring a fugitive if you do it in somebody else’s apartment?”

    “It’s called accessory after the fact to homicide,” I said.

    “That sounds serious.”

    “It ought to.”  (pg. 102)

 

Kindle Details…

    Burglars Can’t Be Choosers goes for $8.99 at Amazon right now.  Most of the other e-books in the series are that price as well, with two exceptions; one at $8.49 and one at $4.99.

 

“I thought you never lie.”  “I occasionally tell an expeditious untruth.”  (pg. 119)

    There’s a fair amount of cussing in Burglars Can’t Be Choosers.  I counted 23 instances in the first 20% of the book, most of which are of the “mild” variety.  Later on, at least one f-bomb shows up.  There are also a couple of rolls-in-the-hay, but those are tastefully done.

 

    The typos were few and far between.  Things like orbungling/or bungling and sub-liminal/subliminal.  I strongly suspect these cropped up in the “book-to-ebook” conversion stage.

 

    That’s about all I can gripe about.  Burglars Can’t Be Choosers is a well-written, enjoyable story where both the Mystery aspect and the Humor aspect shine.  I’m not reading this series in order, and I don’t think I’m losing anything because of that.  If you’re familiar with, and happen to like Donald Westlake’s “Dortmunder” series, you’ll love Bernie Rhodenbarr.

 

    8½ Stars.   One last thing.  At around 25% the Latin phrase “de mortuis” is used.  I’d never heard of it so had to look it up.  The full saying is “de mortuis nil nisi bonum”, which apparently is a famous phrase.  I took two years of Latin in school, and if you saw my grades in those classes, you’d realize why I couldn’t suss out the translation without Google’s help.