Grumpy Old Wizards - John O'Riley

   2013; 350 pages.  Book 1 (out of 7) in the “Grumpy Old Wizards” series.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 4*/10.

 

    It isn’t easy being a Category Six Wizard.  The world loves and hates your powers, both at the same time.

 

    On one hand, your magical affinity for recent thoughts and residual strands of spells makes you a valuable tool for detectives at a crime scene.  On the other hand, ordinary people fear your otherworldly abilities, so they force you to wear a ring which acts kind of like a house-arrest anklet: if you start to radiate too much magical energy, it knocks you out.

 

    That’s the situation 84-year-old Josephine O’Connor finds herself in.  She’s on call as a consultant to the local Siesta Key (Florida) police department.  They use her services a lot, but except for her 28-year-old grandson and detective Jake, nobody else on the force is comfortable having her around.

 

    Maybe it’s her looks.  One advantage of being a Category Six Wizard is that you age very slowly.  Josephine looks like a 30-year-old.  Or maybe they’re scared of her ability to perform telekinesis.  I’d would be too if I knew someone could pick me up and move me around without physically touching me.

 

    Well, everybody better kiss and make up, because there’s a serial killer loose in Siesta Key, and his magic appears to be every bit as powerful as Josephine’s, if not stronger.  If she can’t overcome his spells and bring him in, who can?

 

What’s To Like...

    I liked the backstory premise in Grumpy Old Wizards – that some years back something called “the Disaster” happened, releasing a bunch of psychometric energy which imbued some, but not all, humans with varying degrees of wizardly powers.  Those powers are rated in categories  ranging from one to six, with six being the highest.  Any wizard can get a temporary bump in their power level, a “fix” if you will, by tapping into something called a power vortex, but this is against the law, as it scares the "normal", magic-less humans.

 

    There are only three power vortexes in the United States.  Two of them are in Sarasota, Florida and Seattle, Washington, convenient placements for the book's storyline.  But the third location – Sedona, Arizona -  made me chuckle, since I live in Arizona.  Sedona really is claimed by New Agers to be a mystic power mecca, with lots of psychic festivals held there throughout the year.

 

    There is no gender bias in John O’Riley’s wizard system – they can be male or female and have equal power potential.  The magic in the story is introduced immediately: Josephine is summoned to a murder-by-spellcasting crime scene to lend a psychic hand in the investigation.  Things quickly get deadly between the killer and Josephine, and she's also hampered by a growing addiction to the power vortex along with the threat of incarceration if the police become aware of her “feedings”.

 

    The ending is so-so.  The evil wizard is revealed, and the expected spellcasting duel ensues.  There aren’t really any twists to the final battle, and I felt the outcome was kind of arbitrary.  I found the book’s title to be quite clever and “catchy”, but if it had any tie-in to the story, I missed it.

 

    There are 21 chapters covering 350 pages, including an neat epilogue which isn't listed in the Table of Contents.  The story ends at 91% Kindle, with a bunch of extras in the last 9% including an "Author’s Note" and a sneak peek at the next book in the series, Corruption.  The book comes pretty close to being a "cozy"; I counted only 5 cusswords in the first quarter of the e-book; plus one instance of brief nudity later on that would hardly qualify as R-rated.

 

Kindle Details…

    Right now, Grumpy Old Wizards sells for $2.99 at Amazon.  The other six books in the series go for $3.99 apiece.  John O’Riley offers another half dozen or so books for your Kindle, all priced in the $3.94-$3.99 range.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 3.5*/5, based on 504 ratings.

    Goodreads: 3.30*/5, based on 1,397 ratings and 198 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “I enjoyed your visit to the crime scene this morning.  Did you do anything else interesting today?”

    “I ran into Spot while grocery shopping,” Josephine told him.

    “What happened?”  Jake’s brown eyes twinkled with anticipation and amusement.

    “I made his pants fall down.”  (loc. 158)

 

    “Robert and I have an understanding.  We’ve decided not to antagonize each other anymore,” Josephine said.

    “Really?” Alice said.  “I’m surprised to hear that.  You sounded like you weren’t going to take him up on his offer of a truce the last time you talked about him.”

    “My life is too complicated without making new enemies.  I have a serial killer to catch and an enforcer breathing down my neck,” Josephine said.  “I’d like to kick Morgan’s ass and shove him down a flight of stairs.”

    “You’re awful violent today,” Alice teased.  “I think you need to drink less coffee.”  (loc. 2344)

 

 

“I don’t think I like my subconscious very much.”  (loc. 1757)

    Unfortunately, as many other reviewers at Amazon and Goodreads have noted (leading to the low ratings listed above), Grumpy Old Wizards has some significant weaknesses.

 

    In brief, the writing is weak, especially the dialogue portions.  The showing/telling issues are quite distracting.  The storytelling meanders.  The plotline starts out with a serial killer murders investigation, but rapidly get bogged down in the inventing and casting of all sorts of spells.  Worst of all, the characters, whether they be good, bad, or secondary, are simply boring.  If you compare, say, this book’s characters of Josephine, Helen, Alice, and Detective Morgan with Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum, Lula, Grandma Mazur, and Detective Joe Morelli, the contrast is striking.

 

    I have to wonder how much time was spent on polishing the manuscript, and whether any beta readers, editors, and/or proofreaders were used in the writing of Grumpy Old Wizards.  If so, their collective job performance leaves a lot to be desired.  Don’t take my word for all these gripes; go read the Amazon and Goodreads reviews for yourself.

 

    4 Stars.  Grumpy Old Wizards has the potential to be a fascinating Urban Fantasy novel, but is in need of some serious polishing and revising, perhaps with even a ghostwriter/editor brought in.  It’s possible the writing improves as the series progresses, but I doubt many readers will take the gamble.