Island of the Sequined Love Nun - Christopher Moore

   1997; 325 pages.  New Author? : No, but it’s been a couple years.  Genre : Contemporary Humor; Satire.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

    For Tucker “Tuck” Case, life has just become monumentally unfair.  He’s a pilot by trade, and because of one teensy-weensy unplanned landing, his flying license has been revoked.

    Of course, “unplanned landing” is just a euphemism for crashing a plane.  And the fact that there was a hooker in the plane at the time complicates matters.  Ditto for her being in the cockpit.  In the pilot’s seat.  In which he was also sitting.  They call it being initiated into the “Mile High Club”.

    It’s also some very bad publicity for his employer, Mary Jean Cosmetics, since the jet had a very distinctive color – shocking pink.  And it doesn’t help that the hooker was injured in the crash, and plans to sue both Tucker and Mary Jean Cosmetics.

    So now, the only thing that Tuck can fly is a kite.  There goes his livelihood.  There goes his income.  Therefore, it was quite the pleasant surprise when some missionary on some island way over in Micronesia contacts him with a job offer – to fly the missionary’s Lear Jet, which is a slightly newer and bigger model than the one he’s been piloting for Mary Jean Cosmetics.  There’s just one thing that’s bothering Tuck.

    What’s a missionary on a far-flung South Seas island doing with a Lear Jet?

What’s To Like...

    Island of the Sequined Love Nun is a relatively early Christopher Moore novel (#4 out of a total of 16 if my counting was correct), and contains the usual abundance of the author’s wit, sarcasm, and dry humor.  I’ve read ten CM books over the years, and have yet to be disappointed.

    The story is divided into three sections.  Part One, “The Phoenix” (pg. 1), details Tuck’s misadventures in trying to get from the Houston to Alualu.  Part Two, “Island of the Shark People” (pg. 87), sees him finally arriving there, and trying to figure out what the heck is going on.  Part Three, “Coconut Angel” (pg. 193), can be best described in three words: “Revolution and Resolution”.

    Christopher Moore dreams up a bunch of fascinating characters for you to rub shoulders with.  Tuck is wonderfully anti-heroic, and must contend with evil doings that pick at his moral fiber.  The good guys and the baddies all come in various shades of gray.  You’ll warm quickly to Roberto, and Vincent is just out-of-this world.  I liked the depiction of Cargo Cults (does anyone remember “The Gods Must Be Crazy”), and the whole concept of running a sham religious cult was eerily true-to-life.

    There are 68 chapters to cover the 322 pages, plus a map of the small island of Alualu at the beginning.  There’s also an “Afterword and Acknowledgements” section at the end, in which the author separates true facts from fiction, which surprised me for this type of novel.  There’s a bunch of cussing and oodles of sex;  those with prudish tastes should know by now to avoid any and all Christopher Moore tales.

    IofSLN is a standalone novel and AFAIK none of the characters pop up in other Christopher Moore  books.  It may not be as well-known as Fluke, Lamb, and Moore’s vampire novels, but it kept me entertained and chuckling throughout.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Mook (n.; slang) : a stupid or incompetent person.  (a Yankeeism)

Excerpts...

    “Shark People no have boat.  They no leave island.”

    “No boats?”  Pardee was amazed.  Living in these islands without a boat was akin to living in Los Angeles without a car.  It wasn’t done; it couldn’t be done.

    The mate patted Pardee’s big shoulder.  “You be fine.  I have mask and fins for you.”

    “What about sharks?”

    “Sharks afraid around there.  On most island people afraid of shark.  On Alualu shark afraid of people.”

    “You’re sure about that?”

    “No.”  (pg. 144)

    When Tuck was still reckoning, he reckoned that they were traveling at an average speed of five knots.  At five knots, twenty-four hours a day, for fourteen days, he reckoned that they had traveled well over two thousand miles.  Tuck reckoned that they were now sailing through downtown Sacramento.  His reckoning wasn’t any better than his navigation.  (pg. 284)

 Leading a religion is tough work when your gods start stirring for real and messing up your prophecies.  (pg. 224)

    For a while I thought I was going to quibble about having to wait almost 100 pages before Tuck makes it to the Island of the Sequined Love Nun, but the plot thread travels full circle, and I should’ve known better than to doubt Christopher Moore’s ability to fashion a well-constructed storyline.

    The ending was good, but not particularly twisty, and I found it easy to predict how things would turn out..  Still, one reads a Christopher Moore novel first and foremost for the clever dialogue and the farcical goings-on; plotlines are secondary.  And the Epilogue is simply fantastic, so I really can’t complain.

    Island of the Sequined Love Nun is a fine effort by Christopher Moore, although if you’ve read his later and more-famous novels, you can also see how he honed his writing skills over the course of his career.

    8 Stars.  Subtract 1 star if you didn’t like his novels Fluke, Lamb, Bite Me, You Suck, etc.  If those didn’t float your boat, this one won’t either.