The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump - Harry Turtledove

   1993; 408 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres: Historical Fantasy, Alternate Timelines, Science Fiction.  Overall Rating: 7½*/10.

 

    Something rotten is going on at the Devonshire dump, located in the northern part of Angels City.   We know that indirectly, based on the sudden increase in the number of birth defects in the surrounding neighborhoods.

 

    The EPA—that acronym stands for Environmental Perfection Agency— higher-ups have instructed their local agent, David Fisher, to start an investigation.  Pay a friendly visit to the dump, find out who the major dumpers are, then call on those companies and find out exactly what they’re disposing.

 

    Inspector Fisher has been instructed to keep his probing low-key and non-threatening.  And especially not to communicate anything he finds to anyone except the EPA higher-ups.  Because whatever is causing those birth defects is almost certainly magical.  What makes the EPA think that?

 

    Three of those cases involve newborns with an extremely rare disease called apsychia, a term no mother wants to hear.  It means her baby has been born without a soul.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump is a standalone novel set in a parallel world to our own.  The geography is the same, but that world has two realities: a mundane dimension like we have, imaginatively called “This Side”; and a magical dimension, called the “Other Side”, where all sorts of spells, hexes, potions, gods, and otherworldly creatures that go bump in the night exist.

 

    The two Sides are interconnected, which means magic-containing things can be imported into This Side, bought and used, but that inevitably generates waste which needs to be properly disposed of a dump.  As is true in our reality, the key word is “properly”.

 

    The story is set in what we call Los Angeles, which over there is called Angels City.  Harry Turtledove gleefully renames/reinvents all sorts of nations, religions, places, and other items; as one would expect in an alternate world with an alternate timeline.

 

    So here, the Aztecian nation still survives; as does Carthage.  The Mithraism religion still exists, so does a Zoroastrian one.  In the Angels City area, you can visit Saint Ferdinand’s Valley via the Saint Monica Freeway.  To get there, you hop on your flying carpet; but you still do your airborne “driving” on designated streets, since without them, three-dimensional travel would be dangerously chaotic.  And as you might guess, a “spellchecker” has an entirely different function.

 

    For most of the book the reader tags along with David as he tries to figure out what is causing the increase in birth defects.  Lots of companies use the Devonshire dump for magical waste disposal, all of them resent them being suspected of improper dumping.  Things build to a tense, two-stage ending (Chapters 10 and 11), where magic and deities are invoked to take corrective measures.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Geas (n.) : an obligation or prohibition magically imposed upon a person.

Others: Curandero (n.), Burin (n.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 256 ratings and 66 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.87/5 based on 937 ratings and 87 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You may accompany us if you like, Miss Adler.”

    “How generous of you,” Judy said.  I knew she’d have accompanied us whether Kawaguchi liked it or not, and gone off like a demon out of its pentacle if he tried to stop her.  The irony in her voice was thick enough to slice.  If the legate noticed it, though, he didn’t let on.  I wondered if the Angels City constabulary wizards had perfected an anti-sarcasm amulet.  If they had, I wanted to buy one.  (loc. 1119)

 

    “Listen, let me call you back.  I think somebody’s at the door.”

    I went out to see who it was: most likely one of my neighbors wanting to borrow the proverbial cup of sugar, I figured.  But somebody wasn’t at the door, he was already inside, sitting on a living room chair.  I could still see the chair through him, too, so it was somedisembody.  (loc. 2337)

 

The trouble with technology is that, as soon as it solves a problem, the alleged solution presents two new ones.  (loc. 1476)

    The profanity in The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump is pretty light; I noted just five instances in the first 10% of the book, all of which were mild, “four-lettered” terms.  Later on, the “female dog” expletive gets used a couple times, plus a strong cuss-phrase in Spanish which I thought was kewl.  There are also a few rolls-in-the-hay, but tastefully done.

 

    There were a few typos, such as care/cares, now/not, ration/ratio, were/where, though/thought, and knew/know, but not enough to be a distraction.

 

    For me, the mystery-solving angle was pretty blah.  David visits the main customers of the dump, one by one, but it’s not until about ¾ of the way through the book that he catches a lucky break, and e even that one felt forced.  The ending was so-so as well.  Chapter 10 saw deities duking it out, which was rather exciting, but then David squares off against the Ultimate Evil, and emerges victorious with remarkable ease.

 

    But hey, I read Harry Turtledove for his fabulous alternate-world-building, not for over-the-top, superhero-type excitement.  And I also read Harry Turtledove for his witty repartee, suitable-for-YA storylines, and groan-inducing puns.  The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump did not fail in any of these areas, plus it was a treat to see the quantity and the diversity of mythical creatures that the author works into a tale as he combines both Alt-History to Alt-Fantasy.

    7½ Stars.  One last thing.  My favorite character in The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump, was David Fisher’s coworker and EPA lab analyst, Michael (don’t call him Mike) Manstein and his Laboratory Field Testing skills.  Quality Control ROOLZ!!

Assassination Vacation - Sarah Vowell

   2006; 255 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Travelogue; American History; Non-Fiction; Biographies.  Overall Rating: 8½*/10.

 

    Four United States presidents were assassinated during their time in office: Abraham Lincoln, James Garfield, William McKinley, and John F. Kennedy.  Each time, America was stunned and went into a state of shock and mourning.

 

    In every case, authorities concluded a lone gunman was responsible.  In two of those assassinations, Lincoln and Kennedy, the killer also perished: John Wilkes Booth during the ensuing manhunt, and Lee Harvey Oswald during his incarceration phase. In the Garfield and McKinley slayings, the shooter was put on trial and subsequently hung.  There was no national mourning for any of them.

 

    But then comes the remembering part.  What should you do to memorialize the slain presidents?  Heroic statues of the presidents come to mind, but what about the bullets, the blood-soaked clothes, and a lock of presidential hair?  For that matter, what about those sorts of things taken from the assassins?

 

    Sarah Vowell decided to find out.

 

What’s To Like...

     Assassination Vacation is first and foremost a travelogue.  Sarah Vowell travels up and down the eastern United States, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends when she can talk them into it.  The book of her experiences is divided into five sections, namely:

    00. Preface (page 1)

    01. Abraham Lincoln (page 19)

    02. James Garfield (page 121)

    03. William McKinley (page 187)

    04. Robert Todd Lincoln (page 239)

 

    As can be seen, the biggest attention is rightfully paid to Abraham Lincoln.  He was the first POTUS killed in office, had just finished presiding over a heart-wrenching Civil War, and his killer came from a nationally-known acting family.  James Garfield and William McKinley were presidents that most people, including me, know very little about.  Robert Todd Lincoln was Lincoln’s son, who, through incredible odds, was in the vicinity of all three of the aforementioned slayings.

 

    I loved the historical aspect of the book.  Sarah Vowell gives the reader lots of interesting details about each president – where he grew up, what his politics were, and where his life came to an end.  I was impressed that the author also took time to investigate the lives of the assassins.  What was their life like, why did they do it, how did they manage to accomplish the assassination, and what rationale did they express during the limited time after they were apprehended.

 

    Sarah Vowell has an “informal” writing style that I thoroughly enjoy.  This is not a dry presentation of American history.  The reader gets to hear her thoughts as she rummages through museums and tourist traps, and searches for hard-to-spot memorial plaques on nondescript walls.  She often shares her tastes in music (which I found eclectic and excellent).  Last but not least, the she taught me the proper pronunciation of one of the assassins’ last names:  Leon Czolgosz.  Yeah, good luck guessing that one; we’ll divulge it at the end of this review.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.3*/5, based on 1,176 ratings and 446 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.93*/5, based on 47,128 ratings and 4,142 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    In a museum across town there is another object that is the best indication of the esteem for Lincoln I have ever seen—more than the marble tomb, more than even the marble Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., more than any book, statue, lock of hair, bloodstained collar, top hat, or plaque.

    Any old forgettable rich guy might warrant a marble tomb, an obelisk, or elaborate sculptures after death, but you know you are regarded with a ridiculous, religious amount of awe when they put your dug-up drainpipe in a museum.  (pg. 109)

 

    The wounded president was moved onto a mattress, his head held in the hands of a washroom attendant.  But, as Laurie Anderson put it, “It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.”  Garfield might have survived the shooting but for what happened next.  Namely, that various physicians summoned to the scene, especially Dr. D.W. Bliss, searched for the bullet’s location in Garfield’s back by poking their grimy fingers into the wound, rooting around in the presidential innards.  (pg. 160)

 

“You sockdologizing old man-trap.”  (pg. 46, and yes, that’s a real word.)

    There’s just a modicum of cussing in Assassination Vacation.  I counted just ten instances in the entire book, and they were mostly the result of direct quotes from persons Sarah was talking to.

 

    It should be noted that although four presidents have been assassinated while in office, only three are discussed here.  There’s almost nothing about John Kennedy being shot in Dallas.  I was okay with this; I’m old enough to remember where I was when this happened: in 8^th-grade civics class.  But younger readers may be disappointed that his assassination wasn’t investigated for this book.

 

    Also, please keep in mind that Sarah Vowell isn’t shy about voicing her political views in Assassination Vacation.  We won’t say what they are, but right-wingers should probably give this book a pass.

 

    Overall, I enjoyed Assassination Vacation., both for its delightful travelogue aspect and its informative history aspect.  It was easy-reading, witty, and above all, tremendously informative.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  Per the author, the name “Czolgosz” is pronounced “shol gosh”.  Now you know.

Fall of the Dark Magicians - Marlin Williams

     2025; 569 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Action-Adventure; Dark Fantasy; Time Travel.  Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Richardson has had enough.  Her husband Gerald is is not only involved in illicit arms deals, but he’s a wife-beater as well.  She’s been living comfortably off his money, but it’s no longer worth it.

 

    It’s time to go away, to get as far from Gerald as she can.  Maybe find some out-of-the-way island in the South Pacific where she can sit back, relax, and make a new life for herself.

 

  Although even there, she’d have to watch over her shoulder, always fearing that Gerald might find her.  If only she could fly away to someplace even further away.  To another world, even.

 

    Hmm.  Be careful what you wish for, Stephanie.  Sometimes, they have a way of coming true in unexpected ways.

 

What’s To Like...

   Fall of the Dark Magicians is Marlin Williams’ latest offering in the epic-fantasy genre.  If limited to six words, I’d describe it as “Lord of the Rings Meets Dune”.  Our protagonist, Stephanie, is a reluctant “Chosen One” who struggles against impossible odds to return a powerful artifact to its proper place, thereby saving a world or two.

 

    I loved the time-&-dimension travel mechanism.  Unlike most sci-fi chrono-hopping devices, using this one is rather dicey.  Oh, you’ll get zapped to a faraway cosmos alright, but good luck trying to figure out just where and when you'll get dropped into, those are variables.

 

    Just like in LOTR, the group of supporting (and opposing) characters are diverse and fascinating.  Some of them provide a bit of comic relief, others offer metaphysical pointers, and still others threaten imminent destruction to Stephanie and her cohorts.  One even stirs a romantic interest in her.  The character development of all of these is impressive; none of them are the same person by story’s end, albeit for a few, that's because they’re dead.

 

    Action and adventure abound, but Marlin Williams imbues some lightheartedness into the tale as well.  Two of the characters are curiously named Ida March and Rue Bella, a number of the chapter titles are wittily dubbed, and at one point Stephanie’s vegetarianism is sorely tested.  Several mystical oddities from this dimension are also referenced, including the Philadelphia Experiment and Chavin de Huantar. Both of those were new to me.  Look them up in Wikipedia; they will amaze you.

 

    Everything builds to a tense, exciting climax, with several  plot twists that will keep Stephanie, and the reader, on their toes.  Plot threads are resolved in what I call a “stutter-step” fashion, and that’s always a plus.  The Epilogue is both satisfying and heartwarming, and things close with a catchy little teaser for a sequel.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.8/5 based on 14 ratings and 14 reviews..

    Goodreads: 5.00/5 based on 2 ratings and 1 review.

 

Excerpts...

    “I shall have my revenge!”

    “Do not be a fool,” Shylite said, whirling to face his companion.  “That will only get you killed.”

    “I can have no peace without it,” Kamal told him.

    “Then go with my blessings,” Shylite replied.  He paused.  “But I will not join you.”

    “Where will you go?”

    “After I find my tribe,” said Shylite.  “We will hide.”

    “And continue to live a coward’s life, hiding like a rat inside a cave?” Kamal asked him.

    “There are worse things,” said Shylite.

    “Like what?”

    “Death.”  (pg. 96)

 

    I could’ve had you executed, like the others.  But that would’ve been . . . wasteful.”

    Stephanie’s voice came out low and steady.  “You think I’m part of a prophecy.”

    “I think you’re a variable,” Badra said flatly.  “And variables are dangerous.  They don’t fit the pattern.  They cause chaos.  But sometimes . . .”  She stopped in front of her.  “Sometimes chaos has its uses.”

    Stephanie met her gaze, unblinking.  “I’m not yours to use.”

    Badra tilted her head slightly.  “We’ll see.”  (pg. 465)

 

 

Kindle Details…

    Fall of the Dark Magicians currently sells for $5.99 at Amazon.  Marli Williams has seven other e-books for your reading pleasure, including novels, short story collections, and anthologies.  They range in price from $0.99 to $9.99.

 

“John Grinder is a man built out of scars.  Most of the time, he forgets he’s still bleeding.”  (pg. 113)

    There’s only a light amount of profanity in Fall of the Dark Magicians; I counted just 15 cusswords in the first 25% of the book.  There are a couple instances of drug usage, including Stephanie’s introduction to opium, but in no way is the partaking of drugs encouraged.

 

       There were some typos, the most glaring of which were several cases of misspelled character names: Caliamr/Calimar, Grider/Grinder, and Stehanie’s/Stephanie’s, but these weren’t frequent enough to be distracting.  Oh yeah, and if you're an animal lover, be warned: the horse dies.  So does the prairie dog.

 

    Overall, I thought this was a great read.  The writing is polished; the action is plentiful and the pacing was page-turning fast.  Fall of the Dark Magicians is a standalone novel, but I have a sneaking suspicion it is also the start of a series, which I am very much looking forward to.

 

    9½ Stars.  One last thing.  At one point, Stephanie resorts to Faraday’s Law in order to save the day.  Ultimately it was unsuccessful, but that was due to personnel issues, not scientific ones.  SCIENCE ROOLZ!!

The Beggar King - Oliver Potzsch

    2010 (German); 2013 (English); 458 pages.  Translator: Lee Chadeayne.  New Author? : No.  Book 3 (out of 7) in the “Hangman’s Daughter” series.  Genres : Murder-Mystery; Historical Fiction; Thriller, German Literature.  Overall Rating: 9*/10.

 

    Jakob Kuisl, Schongau's resident hangman, has suddenly departed the city.  He didn’t even ask the city council for permission, which is normally required.  But he had a good reason.

 

    His sister and brother-in-law live in Regensburg, a few days travel away.  Kuisl has just received a note from the brother-in-law, informing him that Kuisl’s sister is deathly ill and asking for his professional services.  Those "services" in this case mean his medicinal herbs and potions.  Hangmen are just as adept at saving lives as terminating them.

 

    Kuisl is praying he won’t be too late to help.  But either way, his task should be finished within a day or two, and he can return home to Schongau before anyone misses him.  That assumes there are no complicating factors in Regensburg.

 

    Hmm.  I smell a plotline coming on.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Beggar King is the third book in Oliver Potzsch’s fantastic Hangman’s Daughter series.  The tale is set in a new city—except for the Prologue and Epilogue, the story takes place predominantly in Regensburg—which has its own hangman.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that Kuisl becomes the prime suspect in a murder case there, meaning that the Regensburg hangman will be tasked with “extracting a confession” from a fellow executioner.  Ouch.

 

    There are three main protagonists: Jakob, the accused Schongau hangman; Magdalena, the titular "Hangman’s Daughter"; and Simon, the son of Schongau’s town doctor.  The two young’uns have feelings for each other, but any relationship between them is doomed.  The family of a Hangman are all considered unclean—in addition to executions, they have to pick up all the city’s trash, garbage, human feces, and animal offal every night and dispose of it accordingly.  Also, Magdalena is a headstrong sort of woman—she gets that from her father.  And 17^th-century Europe has no tolerance for feminists.  

 

    Once again, the Historical Fiction aspect of the story is Germany shines.  Germany in the 1600s is a hotbed of violent discontent.  The Catholic Church wars against heretics; local powermongers strive for dominance; Ottoman Turks are massed on the borders of Europe; and the deadly Plague ravages nobles and commoners alike, with no one able to discern its cause or cure.

 

    The mystery aspect is equally awesome.  Kuisl’s dilemma quickly becomes more complex.  If he didn’t commit the murders, who did?  Why are prostitutes disappearing (as if anyone cares), who are the secretive “Freemen”, and why is the book titled “The Beggar King”.  Inquiring minds want to know.

 

       Everything builds to a complex, exciting, and action-packed ending.  Riddles are figured out, strangers are unmasked, and murders are solved.  The Epilogue is also excellent.  A couple of secondary plotlines are resolved, and our three heroes return home to Schongau only to find the Plague decimating the town’s inhabitants.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.4*/5, based on 6,030 ratings and 2,473 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.02*/5, based on 15,825 ratings and 1,018 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Dear citizens of Regensburg, step up and taste my newest miracle cure!  This theriaca is brewed from dried snake meat and a secret mixture of exquisite herbs I myself gathered in cemeteries by the light of the full moon.  It works wonders for cases of infertility, toothache, and stomach pain.  On my honor, I swear it will give sight to the lame and make the blind walk again.”  (pg. 63)

 

    “So this is the devil of Regensburg?” she said.  “If you ask me, he looks more like an abused circus bear who’s had his claws ripped out.  How tall are you anyway, eh?  Six feet?” she asked in a snide tone and laughed.  “Be careful you don’t bash your forehead when you enter my modest home.  By the looks of you, a whore’s fart would blow you over right now.”  (pg. 240)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Beggar King presently sells for $6.49 at Amazon.  The rest of the books in the series cost anywhere from $5.49 to $6.99.  Oliver Potzsch has another seven or so e-books in English; they generally cost anywhere from $5.99 to $12.99, including a newly-released one titled The Gravedigger’s Almanac, which is priced at $10.99.

 

“Holy Saint Nepomuk, patron protector from the flood, be with us.”  (pg. 2)

    There’s a dark tone to The Beggar King, therefore a moderate amount of cussing feels appropriate in it.  I noted 15 instances in the first 10%.

 

    It’s hard to find anything to quibble about in the book.  One of the main characters is a Venetian ambassador, so some of his comments are given in his native Italian.  I enjoyed that, but I love learning snippets of languages I’ve never studied.

    17th-century medical treatments are frequently detailed in the text.  Hangmen apparently often served double-duty as healers.  I was amazed by just how advanced their medical technology was.  See the postscript below for an example.

 

    The Beggar King was a page-turner for me.  This was my fourth Oliver Potzsch novel, and none of them have disappointed me.  The rest of the books in this series are on my Kindle, plus a couple from his “post-Hangman’s Daughter” series.  I’m looking forward to them all.

 

    9 Stars.  One last thing: an example of a 17^th-century surgery.  At one point, Simon very carefully inserts a needle sideways into the white of a patient’s eye, then presses the clouded lens to the bottom of the orb.  The result: a blinding cataract is successfully removed!  And it was done without any anesthetic or antibiotics.  Awesomeness!

The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag - Robert Rankin

   1998; 360 pages. Book 2 in the “Completely Barking Mad Trilogy” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

 

    Lazlo Woodbine is in a bind.  Literally.  He’s been committed to a mental institution and put in a straitjacket.  The problem is that everybody knows that “Lazlo Woodbine” is a fictional detective.  So the main aim of the nuthouse right now is to figure out who this guy pretending to be Lazlo really is.

 

    There are other issues, of course.  Lazlo claims to have a “holy guardian sprout” named Barry living inside his head.  Lazlo and Barry have lots of conversations.  One of their main topics is a quest that Lazlo is currently working on—he’s searching for an artifact called the “Voodoo Handbag”.

 

    It’s going to be a challenging quest because, according to that well-known axiom “Hugo Rune’s Law of Obviosity”, the artifact will be hidden in the least likely place you’d expect it to be.  Good luck with that, guys.

 

    But Lazlo is determined to find it, just as soon as he can get out of the straitjacket.  Because snagging that handbag is of the utmost importance.

 

    The end of the world is at stake.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is vintage Robert Rankin fiction.  There are several storylines, some real, others illusory, and no easy way to tell which is which.  The author’s trademark literary device—recurring gags—are here again, including Fangio’s Bar, talking the toot, and of course, Barry the Sprout.  Witty dialogue and absurd antics are present in abundance.

 

    The main task for Lazlo, and for the reader, is to figure out what is going on.  This is no small feat since there are multiple dimensions and frequent time jumps to deal with.  For both the reader and the protagonist, the key is to keep applying Hugo Rune’s Law of Obviosity to whatever set of circumstances are being confronted.  

 

    There are several bad guys to deal with along the way.  One of them is a guy named Henry Doors, which is a subtle take-off of … well, I’ll let you work that one out.  I loved the explanation of Voodoo Theology given in Chapter 17, and the brief nod to the Thirteenth Floor Elevators on page 153.  Mr. Rankin has excellent musical tastes.

 

    The ending is over-the-top and tense.  It felt a bit forced, but that’s okay; Lazlo Woodbine would heartily approve of it.  The evil plans are thwarted and the world is saved, but you knew that would happen.  The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is part 2 of Robert Rankin’s “Completely Barking Mad” trilogy, which I didn’t read in chronological order, and now wish I had.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Tosspot (n.) : a foolish or contemptible person; or a drunkard (British slang)

Others: Runcible Spoon (n.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 68 ratings and 12 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.79/5 based on 879 ratings and 21 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Well, chief, there are some who might suggest that you are nothing more than a paranoid schizophrenic with a multiple personality disorder and persecution complex.”

    “Outrageous!  And who might suggest such a thing?”

    “Well, there was the doctor at the mental institution you’ve just escaped from.”

    “Oh, him.”

    “Him, chief.”

    “And what about you, Barry?  Do you think I’m mad?”

    “Me, chief?  Absolutely not.  But then, what would I know?  I’m only a voice in your head.”  (pg. 156)

 

    Have you ever wondered about the kind of noise the Big Bang made?  And whether, in fact, it was the first noise?  If it was the first noise, then it was undoubtedly the biggest and the loudest, and all later noises are a terrible let down in comparison.  But was it the first noise?

    I remember being taught at school that sound cannot travel through a vacuum.  And if that’s the case, then the Big Bang couldn’t make any sound at all in the infinite vacuum of space.  Which would mean that it wasn’t really a Big Bang at all, was it?

    It was more of a Big Poof!  (pg. 229)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Mass Market Paperback edition (which is the format that I read this book in) of The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is apparently not available at Amazon right now.  The e-book edition is priced at $6.99.  Robert Rankin offers several dozen other “weird fantasy” tales in e-book formats, most of them in the price range of $0.99-$5.99, plus one autobiography I, Robert, which costs $9.00.

 

“Everything that can happen will happen, and everything that can’t happen will happen too, if you’re prepared to wait.”  (pg. 297)

    The cussing in The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is sparse; I counted only eight instances in the first 25% of the book.  Later on, there are a couple references to “adult situations”, plus one to a part of a donkey’s anatomy.  But overall, this is a pretty clean story.  I didn’t notice any typos, which is a rare and noteworthy feat.

 

    The story is told from both the first-person POV (our protagonist’s), and the third-person POV (the main bad guy’s), but if anything, that helped clarify whose plot thread was being addressed.  Each chapter starts off with a poem and a quote, which were cute and witty, but generally without relevance.

 

 

    My main quibble (is that an oxymoron?) is that, at times the absurdism fogs up the storyline.  Yes, Robert Rankin is a top-tier author in Absurdist Literature, and the Law of Obviosity predicts a plethora of unforeseeable plot tangents will arise.  But at times, both Lazlo and I yearned for just a bit more clarity.

 

    Still, and as always, I enjoyed The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag.  When the overarching plotline emerged in the second half of the book, it imparted a welcome sense of direction to the tale.

 

    7½ Stars.  One last thing.  The would-be evil world leader that emerges is eerily similar to several power-obsessed politicians making headlines nowadays.  Did Robert Rankin have the gift of prophecy when he wrote The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag?  Maybe Barry the Guardian Sprout resides in the author's head!

Hermitage, Wat and Some Druids - Howard of Warwick

   2015; 306 pages.  Book 5 (out of 35) in the “Chronicles of Brother Hermitage” series.  Full Title: “Hermitage, Wat and Some Druids: We’re Going on a Murder”.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Cozy Mystery; Humorous Historical Fiction; British Humor; Druids.  Overall Rating : 8*/10.

 

   Oh what a joy!  Brother Hermitage, the weaver Wat,  and the other weaver Cwen are going on a trip!  To the exotic land of Wales!  At the request of King William, no less.  At least that’s what William’s second-in-command, Le Pedvin, says.

 

    King William isn’t funding the trip, but that shouldn’t be a problem.  Hospitality is always extended to traveling monks like Brother Hermitage.  Religion has its perks.

 

    Alas, they have been given a formidable task—to locate one of William’s agents.  He was last heard from somewhere in Wales, but who knows where he is now.  And since the Welsh hate the Normans as much as the Saxons do, the agent could be either dead or alive by now.

 

    Royal agents come and go, and in truth William and Le Pedvin probably don’t care whether the missing one is a corpse or not.  But in the last message received from him, the agent said he’d discovered a huge stash of gold nearby.

 

    And that gold means William is very anxious to locate and speak to the agent face-to-face.

 

What’s To Like...

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Druids is the fifth book in Howard of Warwick’s “Chronicles of Brother Hermitage” series. It’s also the fifth book I’ve read in this series, albeit not in chronological order.

 

    The tale is told from three points of view.  The main one recounts Hermitage, Cwen, and Wat’s misadventures, dealing for the most part with how their entourage swells, despite their best efforts.  The second plot thread is set in a Welsh village, where druidic visions and prophecy are rife,  The third plotline involves the local noble in that village’s area, Lord Bermo, who's become quite interested in what's going on in his territory.  The reader can of course count on all three threads eventually coming together.

 

    Any story that has druids in it will resonate with me; druidism is my choice whenever circumstances require me to list my religious preference.  Here, their “magick” powers are at some times impressive, and other times mundane, which works surprisingly well.

 

     The reader joins Hermitage as he journeys westward from London to the Welsh border.  Along the way we stop in places like Staines, Silchester, and Wanborough, and in each case pick up unwanted followers.  At one point, we even learn the art of “straggling”, which was a blast.

 

     The ending is good, being mostly “cozy-ish” and logical, and with a couple ofout-of-the-blue plot twists, which neither Hermitage or I saw coming.  Everything works out well for all concerned, which frankly was not an easy task.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 726 ratings and 81 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.30/5 based on 282 ratings and 20 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “And who might you be?”

    “More,” said More.

    “And who might you be, my pretty fellow?”

    Clearly mad.

    “That’s me name.”  More sounded very proud of this.

    “Well, well, master That.  I can see you are of our number.”

    “Eh?”  It took a lot to confuse More, mainly because he spent most of his time confusing other people. (loc. 2692)

 

    The figure was more like a hermit than most hermits Hermitage had ever seen.  He had been tempted to the isolated life himself, and even directed to it on one or two occasions.  The problem had always been that the hermits he met seemed to have no gainful employment outside of starving and begging.  They never considered great arguments.  They never studied illuminating texts.  They just sat in caves and thought.  (loc. 3924)

 

Kindle Details…

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Druids currently sells for $3.99 at Amazon.  The other books in the series range in price from $0.99 to $4.99, with the more recent the book, the more it costs.

 

“What’s the point of having the upper hand,” Cwen argued, “if you can’t drop it on people?”  (loc. 2598)

    Hermitage, Wat and Some Druids is a cozy mystery, and therefore is almost profanity-free.  I spotted just four instances in the entire book, all of them referencing the Underworld.  I don’t recall any blood, gore, or adult situations.

 

    The bigger issue was the editing.  Typos abound, most of them of the punctuation ilk.  Missing commas in the dialogue were the most numerous; I counted 22 of them.  Missing quotation marks also showed up several times, along with a few commonplace typos such as solider/soldier.

 

    But I’ve come to accept those slip-ups in this series, because along with them comes a fascinating historical fiction mystery set in the 11^th-century Britain.  To boot, the text is loaded with wit and satire, which keeps my interest just fine.

 

    For me, Hermitage, Wat and Some Druids was a splendid and satisfying read.  It is fast-paced and has a nice “Medieval" feel to it.  I’m tempted to make my next Brother Hermitage read one of the more recent ones to see if the editing improves as the series progresses.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  Our heroes have a brief sojourn in Staines, which brought back poignant memories for me because I've sojourned there as well.  It makes me wonder if Brother Hermitage will at some time journey to nearby Chertsey, where I have also enjoyed the hospitality of friends.

Deadeye Dick - Kurt Vonnegut

   1982; 270 pages.  New Author? : No.   Genres : Humorous American Fiction; Satire; Character Study.  Overall Rating: 6*/10.

 

    Allow me to introduce you to Rudy Waltz.  He's 50 years old, and was born in 1932.  He’ll be your narrator in this book.

 

    He’s a pharmacist by trade, as was his father, Otto.  Otto was also an aspiring painter, although that career never got far.  Perhaps it was because people knew Otto’s favorite artist was Adolph Hitler.

 

    Rudy is presently living in Haiti, where he owns a hotel.  That’s because the town that Rudy grew up in, Midland City, Ohio, has been completely eradicated by a neutron bomb.  It was probably accidental, but who knows for sure.

 

    The main thing you should know about Rudy is his nickname: “Deadeye Dick”.  It’s an appropriate moniker since, as everybody in Midland City was once aware of, Rudy is a two-time killer.  Shot them with a rifle, no less.

 

What’s To Like...

    At its heart, Deadeye Dick is a satiric character study of our narrator as he strives to move beyond a very unfortunate event in his youth.  That may sound like a recipe for a boring book, but not when the author is Kurt Vonnegut, who manages to infuse humor, pathos, and irony into the tale.  

 

    Despite the book being more than 40 years old, a number of timely themes are subtly addressed, including gun control, nuclear power dangers, sexual orientation, authoritarian governments, and modern art.

 

    The story is told in the first-person POV (Rudy’s), and for the most part takes place in the aforementioned  fictional small midwestern town of Midland City, Ohio.  Rudy’s family relationships with his core family—father, mother, and brother—are one of the major themes of the book.

 

    I liked the way Kurt Vonnegut develops Rudy’s life.  His dream is to become a successful playwright, despite his dad insisting he carve out a career in pharmaceuticals.  Rudy even eventually manages to get one of his plays to open one night on Broadway, and the obvious literary thread here would be for him achieve his dream in the theatrical arts.  Alas, Vonnegut deems otherwise.

 

    The ending is unforeseen and interesting, but it doesn’t really “complete” any part of Rudy’s life.  It screams for a sequel, but ANAICT none of Kurt Vonnegut’s four novels written after this fulfill that role.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 1,346 ratings and 149 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.84/5 based on 31,267 ratings and 1,440 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Busby (n.) : a tall fur hat, often adorned with a bag-like ornament.  (Google it.)

 

Excerpts...

    To the-as-yet unborn, to all innocent wisps of undifferentiated nothingness: Watch out for life.

    I have caught life.  I have come down with life.  I was a wisp of undifferentiated nothingness, and then a little peephole opened quite suddenly.  Light and sound poured in.  Voices began to describe me and my surroundings.  Nothing they said could be appealed.  They said I was a boy named Rudolph Waltz, and that was that.  (pg. 1, and opening paragraph)

 

    Father made a ritual of lighting a cigar, and then he shook out the match and dropped it in what was left of the Linzer torte, and then he said again, “Be a pharmacist!  Go with the grain of your heritage!  There is no artistic talent in this family, nor will there ever be!  You can imagine how much it hurts me to say so.  We are business people, and that’s all we can ever hope to be.”

    “Felix is gifted,” I said.

    “And so is every circus freak,” said Father.  (pg. 131)

 

I was the great marksman, anyway.  If I aimed at nothing, then nothing is what I would hit.  (pg. 69)

    The cussing in Deadeye Dick is sparse.  I noted just 8 instances over the first third of the book, one of which was a racial epithet.  There is a bit of drug usage later on, mostly ingestion of uppers.

 

    There were a couple of typos, the most glaring of which was a character’s last name, Morrisey, being misspelled later on: Morissey.  Methinks the publisher is to blame.

 

    Several weird literary devices are used throughout the book, including a whole bunch of recipes, and a couple of passages written as playlet script excerpts.  I wasn't impressed.

 

    The biggest issue is the storyline. Simply put: there wasn’t any.  Rudy tells us about his life, but it never becomes n overarching tale.  He ends up living in Haiti, but nothing special happens there.  Midland, Ohio is annihilated by a neutron bomb, but we never find out who did it, or why.

 

    Fortunately, Vonnegut’s writing skills are sufficient to elevate Deadeye Dick from a boring novel to a passable one, but not a stellar one.  It kept me interested, but only because I was sure that sooner or later a plotline would emerge.  It never did.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing.  One of the frequently seen internet memes apparently got its start here.  Namely:

“To be is to do.” (Socrates)

“To do is to be.” (Jean-Paul Sartre)

“Do be do be do.” (Frank Sinatra)

    I never knew its source before.