Eleven On Top - Janet Evanovich

    2005; 283 pages.  Book 11 (out of 31, soon to be 32) in the “Stephanie Plum” series.  New Author? : No.  Genre : Crime-Humor; Women Sleuths; Beach Read.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Stephanie Plum has quit her bounty hunting job!  She didn’t even give a two-weeks notice, she just walked in Cousin Vinnie’s bail bond office and turned in her handcuffs.

 

    Stephanie’s tired.  Tired of stalked by crazed killer, taunted by naked fat men, shot at, spat at, cussed at, and having her cars destroyed at an alarming rate.  She’s going to find a job with a lot less stress, a lot less violence, and hopefully a bit more pay.  It shouldn’t be too hard to find such a job, right?

 

    Right.  Well, her first new job was at a button factory, where she got fired on the first day for not showing up on time.  The second job was at Kan Klean, a dry-cleaning place and was similarly brief, due to Steph’s dispute with the owner.  The third job, at a fast-food called Cluck-in-a-Bucket, where employees are required to say “Have a clucky day” as customers depart, also canned her.  For burning down the place.

 

    Hmm.  Stephanie’s job history is turning into a nightmare.  I can’t wait to see how her fourth try at new employment turns out.

 

What’s To Like...

    Eleven On Top is the first book where Stephanie Plum isn’t working as a bounty hunter for her cousin Vinnie.  It was kinda neat to see her out on her own.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that her friend and coworker Lula gets promoted to the vacant bounty hunter job, and it was fun to watch her step into Stephanie’s shoes.

 

    As usual for this series, the plotlines quickly multiply.  Steph finds herself being stalked by an unknown psychopath.  Four local, middle-aged men jump in their cars and simply disappear.  Stephanie’s sister Valerie is getting married and Steph’s been tabbed to be both the maid of honor and the music maestro—playing a cello solo.  The problem is she’s never played a cello in her life, but how hard can it be?  Last but not least, the Steph-Ranger-Morelli romance triangle continues to keep all three participants on edge.

 

    There is a plethora of characters to meet and greet; many new, many recurring.  Newly promoted Lula gets lots of ink; so do Grandmas Mazur and Bella.  The action starts right away as Stephanie finds notes and explosives presented to her by her stalker.

 

    The story is once again told in the first-person POV: Stephanie’s.  Eleven On Top was published in 2005, and some objects, such as phone books, landline phones, Tastykakes, and the Fosbury Flop, remind the readers of things which were once commonplace, whose glory days are long gone.

 

    The ending is exciting and twisty-yet-logical.  I knew a plot twist was coming, but it still surprised me (and Stephanie) how and when it unfolded.  The timing of some of the climactic events seemed a bit convenient, but hey, Stephanie has always had luck on her side.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.6/5 based on 8,874 ratings and 983 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.17/5 based on 117,862 ratings and 2,539 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “You were different,” he said to Valerie.  “I mean, you had a reason for being a dope.  Well, not a dope actually.  I don’t mean to say you were a dope.  Okay, you might have been a little dopey.  No, wait, I don’t mean that either.  Not dopey or dope or any of those things.  Okay, okay, just a teensy bit dopey, but in a good way, right?  Dopey can be good.  Like dumb blond dopey.  No, I don’t mean that either.  I don’t know where that came from.  Did I say that?  I didn’t say that, did I?”  (pg. 90)

 

    “Now that I’m a bounty hunter I’ve got a lot of demands on my time.  I’ve got a real nasty case that I’m working on.  I should be out tracking this guy down right now, only I figured I could take a break from it and help you out.”

    “What kind of case is it?” Val asked.

    “He’s wanted for AR and PT,” Lula said.  “That’s bounty hunter shorthand for armed robbery and public tinkling.  He held up a liquor store and then took a leak in the domestic table wines section.”  (pg. 108)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Eleven On Top presently costs $9.99 at Amazon.  The other e-books in the series range in price from $5.99 to $9.99, with the exception of Book 30, Dirty Thirty, which is discounted to $2.99 for a limited time.

 

“I’m not a cakeaholic”. (. . .) “I only eat cake on special occasions.”  Like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday . . .  (pg. 204)

    The cussword frequency is moderate in Eleven On Top, I counted 15 instances in the first 10%, mostly of the milder ilk. Later on a couple f-bombs show up.  There were also four rolls-in-the-hay, with one being a tripleheader.  None of them were rendered in graphic terms.

 

    I can’t think of anything to quibble about.  I didn’t spot any typos.  There was no progress on Stephanie’s romantic quandary, but hey, do we really want those tense relationships to be resolved?

 

    Eleven On Top is a fast-paced, action-packed blend of humor and crime-solving, with just enough romance blended in to attract the female readers without scaring off the male readers.  So far, I’ve been reading the series in chronological order, and the next book, Twelve Sharp, is on my Kindle awaiting my attention.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  For those who keep count of these things:  *Total cars trashed* during Stephanie’s sleuthing: Two.  About average for her.

Schrodinger's Gat - Robert Kroese

    2012; 206 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Science Fiction; Quantum Physics.  Overall Rating: 6*/10.

 

    For Paul Bayes, the time has come to pack it in.  Or as Shakespeare would say: it’s time to shuffle off this mortal coil.  He’s divorced, his kids dislike him, and he’s discovered he’s a crappy writer.

    He’s now at the San Leandro BART train station, and the next local train is about to arrive.  People are milling around, trying to get a primo spot for getting on the train.  Paul intends to jump onto the tracks in front of the train as it approaches.  Death should be swift.

 

    Fair is fair, though.  Paul allows Fate to give him an out.  He flips a coin.  Heads, he stays on the landing platform.  Tails, he jumps.  Luck is with him, the coin comes up tails.

 

    But as he starts to prepare to jump, a girl nearby—a very pretty, nearby girl—cries out “No!”, and Paul comes to a stop.  Did the girl know he was about to commit suicide?  If so, how?  Is she psychic?  A guardian angel?  Inquiring suicidal minds want to know.

 

    But now she’s running away!  If he wants answers, Paul’s going to have to chase her down.

 

What’s To Like...

    Schrodinger’s Gat is an ambitious merging of an Action-Intrigue tale with Quantum Physics.  Quantum Physics is a bunch of weird phenomena that take place at the sub-atomic level.  In Schrodinger’s Gat, Robert Kroese imagines what it would be like if those weird phenomena could occur at our everyday level.

 

    If you’re unfamiliar with Quantum Physics, don’t despair.  When some new weird phenomenon is introduced, such as the “Double Slit Experiment”, the author cuts away to a scholastic explanation of it, and even bookmarks the beginning and end of the discourse should you wish to avoid such sciencey stuff.

 

    In addition, there's a clever Mythological aspect to the story, courtesy of an ancient Greek goddess named Ananke.  She's the personification of inevitability and compulsion, otherwise called “determinism”.  The central theme in Schrodinger’s Gat is “Free Will versus Determinism”, and it is fun to watch how our protagonist, Paul Bayes, struggles to come to grips with this.  For instance, if everything in this world is predetermined, and you commit actions that will cause harm or death to others, are you really guilty? 

 

    The story stops at a logical spot, with the friction generated by Free Will vs. Determinism leading to a major calamity.  The major plot threads remain unresolved, implying that a sequel will follow.  But as of now, I don’t think the author has any plans for that.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 3.8*/5, based on 321 ratings and 150 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.55*/5, based on 460 ratings and 73 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “The blue pill isn’t really working for me, in case you hadn’t noticed.  What’s the worst that could happen?  You tell me I’m actually a brain in a vat in a laboratory on Mars?  Because that’s a step up from where I’m sitting.”  I’m exaggerating, of course.  Finding out I was a brain in a vat would be pretty devastating.  And of course I don’t really think she’s going to tell me that.  But I get the feeling she’s trying to play Morpheus to my Neo, so I play along.  (pg. 13)

 

    “My point is that it is possible to duplicate quantum indeterminacy—true randomness—on a macro level.  Like with Schrodinger’s cat.  Some physicists believe there’s no reason you couldn’t actually carry out Schrodinger’s thought experiment and have an actual cat that is both dead and alive.  Well, there’s one reason, I suppose.”

    The ASPCA?”

    She laughs.  “That too.  But I was thinking of the fact that the cat would have to be cooled to near absolute zero.”  (pg. 25)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Schrodinger’s Gat presently costs $4.99 at Amazon.  Robert Kroese has dozens of other e-books for your reading pleasure, primarily in sci-fi and fantasy genres.  Most of them sell for $4.99, with a few discounted to $0.99.

 

Death has its drawbacks, but it’s a pretty good excuse for missing appointments.  (pg. 45)

    I counted 22 instances of profanity in the first 5% of Schrodinger’s Gat, which I’d label excessive.  To be fair though, the frequency of cussing seemed to tail off after that.  I don’t recall any adult situations, although I would expect any sequel to have a romantic development betwixt Paul and Tali, the beautiful girl who interrupted his suicide endeavor.

 

    There were a few typos in the text, such as peer/pier, past/passed, big/bit, a prior/a priori, and build/built, but they were infrequent enough to not be a distraction.

 

    The main issue that I, and lots of other reviewers, have with Schrodinger’s Gat are the excessive scientific sermons about Quantum Physics.  Kudos to Robert Kroese for trying to blend scholarly science with thrills-&-spills.  Unfortunately, it just didn’t work.

 

    Without those Quantum Physics interludes, Schrodinger’s Gat is a novella-length quick and interesting read.  It would’ve been nice to have it lengthened by more Paul and Tali having further adventures including facing off against Ananke.  Maybe that can be addressed in a sequel.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing.  One of my favorite Quantum Physics conundrums, called “the grandfather paradox” gets mentioned here.  It can be succinctly described as “what happens if you travel back in time  and assassinate your own grandfather?”  Since time-travel, both forward and backward, is predicted in Quantum Physics, this is something to think about when it’s 3 o clock in the morning and you can’t sleep.

Starter Villain - John Scalzi

    2023; 268 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Science Fiction; Genetic Engineering; Intrigue-Satire.  Overall Rating: 8*/10.

 

    Uncle Jake has died!

 

    That means little to his nephew, Charlie Fitzer.  Uncle Jake had had nothing to do with the rest of the Fitzer family for the last few years.

 

    But Uncle Jake was very rich—he owned the third largest corporation that managed parking structures throughout the world.  And the lower class Fitzers were not worthy of his presence.

 

    So it was a bit surprising when one of his employees, Mathilda Morrison, called Charlie and asked if he would oversee Uncle Jake’s funeral service.  Which he agreed to do, since Uncle Jake apparently had no family.  And initially, things went smoothly at the funeral service.

 

    Until one of the guests took out a knife and started stabbing Uncle Jake’s corpse.

 

What’s To Like...

    Starter Villain is a standalone novel that is equal parts science-fiction, intrigue, and satire.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that Uncle Jake also was part of a “Supervillain Cartel”, into which Charlie might be invited as a replacement, provided he proves himself worthy and willing.

 

    This might sound like a bum deal, but Charlie is a divorced, part-time substitute teacher, and lives from paycheck to paycheck.  His roommate is a pet cat.  It might be a good career move for Charlie to become a "starter villain".  Besides, “Hero” and “Villain” are relative terms.  What one person might call a crime, another might call an opportunity!

 

    Only John Scalzi would take a standard thriller storyline like that and blend a genetic engineering plot thread into it.  Thus we encounter typewriting cats; unionizing, smart-alecky dolphins; and sentient whales of questionable loyalty.  That may sound wacky, but Scalzi makes it work hilariously well.

 

    The “villain” aspect of the tale is also masterfully done.  The classic “Honor among thieves” adage doesn’t apply if there’s money to be made by double-dealing.  And the higher up the crime corporation ladder you are, the greater the odds that other crime boxes will conspire to take you down by taking you out.

 

    The ending is suitably exciting, over-the-top, and comes with several plot twists that I didn’t foresee.  The last chapter is an epilogue that ties up several plot threads.  Things close with a bonus short story that reveals "what happens after" with one of the main characters.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon: 4.5*/5, based on 15,847 ratings and 999 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.11*/5, based on 105,255 ratings and 16,311 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “Being a villain,” I said.

    “I told you, we don’t use that word in public.”

    “I don’t see why not.  It’s a perfectly good word.”

    “For public use it’s reductive,” Morrison said.  “Privately it offers some advantages.  Which you will be finding out soon.  But you won’t be doing much villainy anyway.  You’re needed for something else entirely.”

    I nodded.  “Useful idiot.”

    “I was going to say ‘administration.’”  (pg. 74)

 

    “Let’s start with what you call yourself,” I suggested.

    The dolphin chittered, and there was silence from the voice box.  “It doesn’t translate,” the dolphin said.  “It derives from hydrological states of water humans don’t experience directly and don’t have simple words for.  It would be something like ‘the one who can find a pure thread of water through the murk of an alluvial discharge into a bay.’”

    “You could go by ‘Ally’ for short,” I said.

    “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were asking me my name, not trying to figure out something short and infantilizing that you could call me.”  (pg. 112)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Starter Villain presently costs $11.99 at Amazon.  John Scalzi has several dozen other e-books for you, almost all of them in the Sci-Fi genre.  They generally are priced in the $4.99-to-$14.99 range.  He also offers several sci-fi short stories; those are mostly in the free-to-$2.99 range.

 

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”  (pg. 165)

    The cussing in Starter Villain is moderate.  I noted 48 instances in the first half of the book, with f-bombs being the favorite cussword.  Later on, the waving of male genitalia is mentioned.  Meanwhile, the dolphins have coined their own disparaging phrases, such as f*cknugget, scrotemonkey, and bourgeois fistula.  I am in awe of their epithet inventing.

 

    I can’t think of anything else to nitpick about.  The pacing was good, there were plenty of plot twists, the blend of humor and intrigue was spot-on, and the genetic engineering and situational business ethics aspects give you something to muse about.  Sadly, I don’t think John Scalzi has any plans to develop this into a series.

 

    8 Stars.  One last thing.  At one point Rutgers University is mockingly referred to as the “Big Ten Doormat”.  The designation is justified, but I used to have a workmate who was a Rutgers alumnus.  He preferred to view the school as having the proper perspective regarding Sports and Academics.  The latter takes priority over the former.  I happen to agree with him.

The Inimitable Jeeves - P.G. Wodehouse

    1923; 281 pages.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Anthologies; British Humour; Classic Literature.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Bertie Wooster and I’ll be your narrator of the stories in The Inimitable Jeeves.

 

    Jeeves is my valet, and serves me well.  He’s a very quiet person, but when asked, will offer a lot of helpful advice when my joie de vivre (as the French say) is being tested.  Yes, I speak French.  It is an inherent part of my Upper-Class social status.

 

     Jeeves and I make a fine team as I wend my way through the complex social circles of the titled peers of London.  I contribute the leadership and intellectual qualities necessary and Jeeves supplements this with his fine acumen of social decorum.

 

    Hmm.  Jeeves just heard me say that and rolled his eyes.  I wonder why.

 

What’s To Like...

    The Inimitable Jeeves  is a collection of eleven short stories from P.G. Wodehouse’s “Jeeves and Wooster” series.  All were previously published in magazines in 1918-1922, then cleverly stitched together to make a novel-length book that came out in 1923.  The majority of the stories take place in London, but there are also trips to France and New York City cleverly blended in.  It was fascinating to watch Jeeves and Bertie in those foreign locales.

 

    The main theme explored in The Inimitable Jeeves is True Love.  Bertie’s childhood friend, Bingo Little, repeatedly falls into this sad state (see the second excerpt below), but it happens occasionally to Bertie himself (thanks to his Aunt Agatha), and once even to Jeeves.  Bertie’s cousins, Claude and Eustace, also fall hopelessly in love, but their problem is that they both become enamored by the same lass simultaneously.

 

    Romance is not the only theme in town.  Claude and Eustace are adept at talking Bertie into heavy wagering—they themselves are usually broke—on such things as “the Egg ‘n Spoon Race” and “the Great Sermon handicap”.  You can guess the outcome of Bertie’s wagering.

 

    Being a quasi-anthology, there isn’t really a distinct ending to The Inimitable Jeeves—just a final short story.  But it’s a good choice.  Bingo gets married; Bertie goes crazy; Jeeves saves the day; and everybody ends up happy.  To give details would entail spoilers.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.5/5 based on 3,987 ratings and 299 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.20/5 based on 31,203 ratings and 2,548 reviews.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Eftsoons (adv.) : soon afterward; shortly; once again (archaic).

Others: Mazzard (n.); Persiflage (n.); Vergers (n.); Ḕpris (adj.; French); Bally (adj.); Rummy (adj.).

 

Excerpts...

    “By great good luck I have found the very wife for you, a girl whom I have only recently met, but whose family is above suspicion.  She has plenty of money, too, though that does not matter in your case.  The great point is that she is strong, self-reliant and sensible, and will counterbalance the deficiencies and weaknesses of your character.  She has met you; and, while there is naturally much in you of which she disapproves, she does not dislike you.”  (loc. 695)

 

    “Oh, Great Scott! I said.  “Don’t tell me you’re in love again.”

    He seemed aggrieved.

    “What do you mean—again?”

    “Well, to my certain knowledge you’ve been in love with at least half a dozen girls since the spring, and it’s only July now.  There was that waitress and Honoria Glossop and —”

    “Oh, tush!  Not to say pish!  Those girls?  Mere passing fancies.  This is the real thing.”

    “Where did you meet her?”

    “On top of a bus.”  (loc. 1528)

 

Kindle Details…

    The main Kindle version (there are a number of options) of The Inimitable Jeeves is priced at $0.51 at Amazon right now.  Amazon markets it as part of a 16-book series labeled Jeeves & Wooster, but only nine of the 16 volumes are available in e-book format.  They range in price from free to $12.99.

 

It seems rummy that water should be so much wetter when you go into it with your clothes on than when you’re just bathing.  (loc. 827)

    As you’d expect from a 1923 humorous novel, the profanity in The Inimitable Jeeves is pretty light.  I counted just seven instances in the first third of the book; all of them of the milder ilk.  There are no f-bombs and no adult situations.  This is spoofery for the sake of comedy.

 

    The book is written in 1920s English, not American, and which I thoroughly enjoyed.  Some of the new (at least for me) words are given above; others included chemmy, coves, and chappie.  It’s always fun to learn a foreign language.

 

    The only quibble I can come up with is the page-numbering.  I read The Inimitable Jeeves on my Kindles—I have two of them—and both made a mess of the page counts.  My older Kindle simply refused to give pages and/or text locations.  My newer Kindle started counting pages about 75% of the way through the book.

 

    But I pick at nits.  This is my fifth “Jeeves” book (although the first since 2012), and I’ve enjoyed them all.  There’s something about wry British humor that tickles my funny bone, and P.G. Wodehouse excels at keeping me laughing out loud.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  P.G. Wodehouse also excels at coming up with scintillating character names.  Some used here are: Honoria Glossop, Daphne Braythwayt, Old Lord Bittlesham, Cyril Bassington-Bassington, Charlotte Rowbotham, and Cynthia Wickhammersby.  Are those fantastic appellations or what?!

The Lord of the Ring Roads - Robert Rankin

    2017; 280 pages. Book 10 in “The Legendary Quadrilogy of Trilogies” series.  New Author? : No.  Genres : Humorous Absurdism; British Humour; Weird Fantasy.  Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

 

    Great news!  They’re going to build a ring road around the outskirts of Brentford!

 

    Greater news!  It won’t cost the residents of Brentford anything!  The neighborhoods surrounding their city, through which the ring road will actually run, will pay for everything!  The construction starts shortly!

 

    This is all news to Jim Pooley and John Omally, along with the rest of Brentford.  But since they’ll get something for nothing, it has to be a great deal, right?  Except that, really, Brentford doesn’t need a ring road.

 

    Which makes Jim and John wonder.  Who is actually pulling the strings to get this ring road built.  And more importantly, why?

 

What’s To Like...

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is Book 10 (out of 12) in Robert Rankin’s Brentford Trilogy series.  To be precise, it's Book One of the fourth trilogy in this series, and I’ve already read Books 2 & 3, The Chronicles of Banarnia and Normanghast.  If you haven’t read any of this trio, I advise starting with this one.

 

    The two main protagonists are Jim Pooley and John Omally, a pair of my favorite Robert Rankin characters.  Old Pete also plays a key role, so does Professor Slocombe.  The Lady in the Straw Hat has a cameo appearance, and Neville, the part-time bartender at The Flying Swan has a larger role than usual, which I loved.

 

    A bunch of plotlines besides the ring road project also crop up.  Will Old Pete get a badly needed hearing aid?  Why is Uncle Ted missing?  Can Jim and John make some easy money by managing a community raffle?  Will the royal family send a representative to the ring road opening ceremony?  And most importantly, can Jim and John apprehend a rogue author named P.P. Penrose, who is unlawfully using them as fictional characters in his books?  Sure, we know Robert Rankin will deftly bring all these plot threads together.  But it’s always fun to watch how marvelously he does it.

 

    The book is written in English, not American.  So you may have labourings and vigour, and use a biro to write a cheque.  Things can get  cosy, but keep your lorry fuelled up.  Do all this, and Bob’s your uncle.  To boot, Robert Rankin blends in some witty and whimsical poetry, as well as things like the Cagoule of Concealment, Bunson’s Necromunicator, and the Captain Laser Alien Attack Machine.

 

    The ending builds to a suitable climax, and stops at a logical spot, but leaves several plot threads unfinished.  Alas, that’s what I get for not reading the books of this trilogy in order.  Despite that, The Lord of the Ring Roads kept me turning the pages, wondering what plot twist was going to turn up next.

 

Kewlest New Word ...

Hobble-de-hoy (n.) : an awkward, ungainly, adolescent boy (British slang)

Others: Salmagundi (n.); Canescent (adj.).

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.4/5 based on 623 ratings and 50 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.27/5 based on 395 ratings and 25 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Then “ah,” said Jim and “ah” once more.  Yet another email from Goodwill Jeremy, the deposed Nigerian prince.  Jim really felt for this unlucky fellow, erstwhile ruler of a gold and diamond-rich province so exclusive that it was not to be found on any map.  Jim shook his head, and as for the prince himself, benign and generous ruler, ousted from his palace by mercenaries in the pay of an evil warlord.  And forced to flee without his cheque book.  (pg. 21)

 

    A lady in a straw hat overhearing this turned and asked Jim what the trouble was.

    “Oh, just things,” said Jim.

    “Things is it?” said the lady.  “Don’t start me off on things.”

    “I promise I won’t,” said Jim

    “I was darning my old man’s socks the other day,” the lady went on.  “And he was screaming away as he always does.”

    “Why?” Jim asked.

    “Well, because he was wearing the socks and I’m not such a dab hand with a needle as I used to be, so—"  (pg. 89)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Lord of the Ring Roads Kindle edition will cost you $4.99 at present.  The rest of the e-books in this (completed) “quadrilogy-of-trilogies” are all in the $2.99-$5.99 price range.  Most of Robert Rankin’s other e-book novels are in that same price range.

 

“We are all going to hell in a handbag.”  (pg. 250)

    There’s very little cussing in The Lord of the Ring Roads; I noted only four instances, all of which were of the milder, four-lettered variety.  I only spotted one typo: cannon/canon; but once again there were at least eight commas missing from recipients of direct dialogue.  I’d call this British punctuation, but most of the time the commas were present.

 

    The Lord of the Ring Roads is another fine piece of far-fetched fantasy penned by Robert Rankin.  Rumor has it, . . . erm . . . Rumour has it that the author is about to bring out a new book, titled Priestess of Penge.  I’m looking forward to it.

 

    8½ Stars.  One last thing.  At one point Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum is mentioned, which brought back fond childhood memories for one of the characters.  It did the same for me, Mr. Rankin, sir; it did the same for me.

Slow Burn — Zero Day - Bobby Adair

    2013; 236 pages.  Book 1 (out of 10) in the "Slow Burn" series.  Full Title: Slow Burn – Zero Day.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Horror; Plague; Zombies.  Overall Rating : 6*/10.

 

    There’s ethnic cleansing in Somalia and it’s spreading into neighboring African countries.  Ho hum.  There’s civil unrest in China, and the military there is cracking down heavily.  Who cares.  There’s violence in the Middle East.  That’s nothing to worry about for Zed, who lives in Austin, Texas.

 

    What is a problem for him, however, is having to attend a family lunch at his mom’s and stepdad’s house.  There will be the usual hassling and talking-to from both of them, telling Zed to get his life together.  But that’s par for the course; he’s ready for it.

 

    He definitely wasn’t ready for what he saw when he opened the front door.  His mom laying dead in a pool of blood, in the living room.  His stepdad hunched over her, slurping away on her blood.  And a strange semi-mutilated guy sitting in a chair by the fireplace, watching the macabre scene.

 

    I have a feeling lunch is not going to be served.

 

What’s To Like...

    Slow Burn – Zero Day is the opening book in a 10-volume (plus one novella) horror series set in Bobby Adair’s hometown of Austin, Texas.  The tale is told from the first-person POV, Zed’s, and the action starts right away.  It’s not a spoiler to reveal that the storyline has the standard “zombie” structure: zillions of infected undead creatures seeking out the vastly-outnumbered, uninfected human survivors.

 

    However in this series a third, even smaller category is spawned: the “infected yet semi-immune” victims.  Zed of course is one of those.  Although his skin has grown pale, and he is running a fever, he retains his human thought-processes and, perhaps most importantly, tasted horrible to zombies trying to eat him.

 

    It is quickly established that the zombie infection originated in Africa.  From there it spread rapidly into Asia.  There’s no cure in sight, and it has reached the United States frighteningly fast.  I found it eerie how this mirrored the real-world COVID epidemic that hit America in 2020,.  It started elsewhere, we knew it was coming, and there was nothing we could do to stop it.  

 

    The main storyline follows Zed as he searches for others who are uninfected.  That is no small task.  The zombies need to eat too and are swarming throughout Austin looking for delicious uninfected victims to eat.  Zed’s survivalist skills are minimal (so are mine), food is scarce (and for now being scrounged from vending machines), and acquiring weaponry (mostly dropped by now-dead soldiers sent to kill zombies) is dangerous, bordering on suicidal.

 

    Zed needs to find some long-term solutions to all those challenges on the college campus of UT-Austin where he's holed up.  I’m sure his degree in Philosophy will be of great help in this endeavor.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.3/5 based on 4,558 ratings and 1,629 reviews.

    Goodreads: 3.91/5 based on 5,830 ratings and 501 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    “They’re going to round us all up, eventually.  We’ll get a year or more just for busting out of jail.  We’ll get time for rioting, and maybe even capital murder for that dead cop you saw.”

    My mouth hung open.  I hadn’t thought of any of that.  Finally, I said, “But we were running for our lives.  We were in as much danger as the cops.”

    Murphy shook his head.  “A jury in Travis County might believe that about you, if you hadn’t already stabbed your stepdad thirty-seven times...”  (pg. 62)

 

    “You guys nearly attacked me coming out of the elevator.”

    “When was the last time you looked in a mirror?  You look like one of the infected.”

    I looked down at myself.  My skin had grown paler since I last checked.  My arm was bleeding from another bite wound.  I had blood and brain splattered on my shirt from when I shot the infected guy in the tunnel.

    I looked back at Wilkins and shrugged.  “I clean up nicely, though.”  (pg. 164)

 

Kindle Details…

    The Kindle version of Slow Burn – Zero Day currently costs $4.99 at Amazon.  The paperback format, which is what I read, costs $9.95.  The other individual e-books in the series go for $4.99 apiece, with the exception of Book 10 which runs a dollar more.  Alternatively, you can buy the 3-ebook bundle for $9.99; or the 9-ebook bundle for $5.99.  Yeah, I don’t understand the bundle pricing structure either.

 

The great “why” questions of life very suddenly held zero importance.  (pg. 133)

    The profanity level in Slow Burn – Zero Day is moderate.  I noted 18 instances in the first 10% of the book, primarily of the milder ilk.  Later on, some  f-bombs spring up, plus a couple references to male genitalia.

 

    I spotted only three typos: ally/alley; form/from; Mary/Marcy, and one indenting glitch, which no doubt arose during the printing stage.  Kudos to whoever did the editing on this.

 

    The main issue I had was with the storytelling.  The tale ends at a pivotal spot, but with none of the plot threads having been tied up.  Zero.  Nada.  So Book One is little more than an introduction to the 10-book series.  Which means by reading it, you are committing to nine more books, even if you read them via one of the bundles.

 

    Unfortunately, I acquired the paperback version, coming across it at a nearby used-book store.  I doubt that the paperback version of Book 2, Slow Burn – Infected will show up there anytime soon.  So sadly, this is probably as far as I'll go in this series.

 

    6 Stars.  One last thing.  I became familiar with Bobby Adair’s novels via Facebook, where he regularly posts ads, mostly for the audiobook bundle of this series.  I don’t do audiobooks, but thanks to the ads, his name became engrained in my head, and I recognized it instantly while browsing at the bookstore.  So if you’re an indie author endeavoring to enlarge your reading audience, you might consider touting your books on Facebook.

Useless Etymology - Jess Zafarris

    2025; 330 pages.  Full Title: Useless Etymology—Off Beat Word Origins for Curious Minds.  New Author? : Yes.  Genres : Etymology; Linguistics; Language; Reference.  Overall Rating : 9½*/10.

 

    Quick!  What the plural of “octopus”?  Is it octopuses, octopi, or octopodes?  If that kind of question fascinates you, you’re probably a word nerd.  Don't worry, so am I.

 

    It’s all a matter of from which older language the word “octopus” is derived.  Ancient Latin?  Ancient Greece?  Early English?  Some other even older and now-forgotten language? 

 

    Jess Zafarris freely admits she is a word nerd.  She’s researched the origins of a plethora of English words and has compiled them into this book, Useless Etymology.

 

    Hmm.  I wonder how much a “plethora” is and from what old language it came from.  Happily, the answer is in this book.  So is her opinion as to which “plural of octopus” is the most correct.  It might surprise you.

 

What’s To Like...

    Useless Etymology is divided into 22 chapters, plus a Prologue and an Epilogue.  My favorites were:

Chapter 09: Hit the Books: The origins of Literary and Rhetorical terms.

Chapter 11: Animalogical: Critters Hiding in Other Words.

Chapter 19: Word Gaffes: When Words Trip Us Up.

Chapter 22: Extralongitudinal Linguistifabulatons.

 

    I liked the writing style.  The author assumes the reader is a word enthusiast, but doesn’t have a PhD in Linguistics.  The text is by necessity scholarly, yet it is also easy for us recreational wordsmiths to understand.

 

    The chapters are separated into three parts.  Part One, The Oddities of English Etymology, introduces the reader to the technical aspects of Etymology.  Part Two, Twist and Turns, presents chapters dealing with specific etymological wordlists, such as Colors, Food, Astronomy,  Seasons/Months, etc.  Part Three, Whimsy and Wonder, is a delightful collection of offbeat words, silly vocabulary, slang, and incredibly lengthy words.

 

    I was happy to see one of my favorite dictionary terms, “Dord” get mentioned.  Ditto for Interrobangs, Aardwolves, and Grawlix, and a word of recent origin, Vellichor.  I agree with the author, the obsolete term “Slangwhanger” needs to be restored to everyday language.  And I appreciated inclusion of a quote from one of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchett.

 

Ratings…
    Amazon:  4.7/5 based on 143 ratings and 39 reviews.

    Goodreads: 4.17/5 based on 303 ratings and 173 reviews.

 

Excerpts...

    Just like other collocated verb phrases we looked at, none of these is set in stone.  But they’ve become so commonplace that they’re difficult to avoid.  Try coming up with different versions of a few and see how they sound to you.  “Explode into tears” is less common and might evoke a different mental image than “burst into tears.”  And “awfully ill-prepared” isn’t found as frequently as “woefully ill-prepared” despite meaning  more or less the same thing.  (pg. 57)

 

    Scuttlebutt, a nautical-inspired term for gossip, rumors, and interpersonal news shared among coworkers, dates to the early 1800s and is quite literally the sailor’s equivalent of “watercooler talk.”  A “scuttlebutt” was a cask of fresh drinking water kept aboard a ship, around which sailors loitered and chattered much as they might around the watercooler in an office break room.  (pg. 261)

 

Kindle Details…

    Useless Etymology sells for $9.99 at Amazon at present.  Jess Zafarris has two other etymology-themed e-books available: Words from Hell and Once Upon a Word; both of which are in the $8–$9 range, plus another two tomes that are in the works but which you can already pre-order.

 

 

“I would there was a blister on this plaguy tongue of mine for making such a hollo-ballo.”  (pg. 7) (*)

    I only noticed four instances of profanity in Useless Etymology, and one of those was there because the etymology of “shit” was being addressed.

 

    Some of the early, more technical chapters have lots of footnotes.  For the most part, they reference the literary source being quoted in the text (which, after all, is the main purpose of footnotes), so if that doesn't interest you, they can be ignored.  In later chapters, some of the footnotes gave added insight to the text, so when you’re about halfway through the book, you might want to start reading them.

 

    I can’t think of anything else to quibble about.  For me, Useless Technology was a great read, on a subject I immensely love learning more about.  Word Nerds of the world unite!  We have nothing to lose but our linguistic ignorance!

 

    9½ Stars.  One last thing.  The tagline above marked with an asterisk (*) is from a book by Tobias Smollett, titled “The Life and Adventures of Sir Launcelot Greaves”, published in 1762, and cited here for its etymological forerunner of hullaballoo.  I’m amazed at how “ancient” that sentence sounds.  I think I might go find that novel and read it.