King Rat - China Miéville

1998; 318 pages. New Author? : No. Genre : Horror Fantasy; and the more generic "New Weird". Awards : Nominated for the Bram Stoker Award, and the International Horror Guild Award. Overall Rating : 8*/10.

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Saul Garamond's father takes a dive out of the window in his high, top-floor apartment. Inspector Crowley thinks Saul might have given him a push. Saul quickly finds himself cooling his heels in a London jail, while the police continue their investigation. But a strange being, King Rat, shows up and teaches him how to squeeze through the jail door and effect a miraculous escape. Ah, but the adventure is only beginning...

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What's To Like...

The tension starts quickly (the police are already banging on Saul's door at page 20), and builds throughout the rest of the story. The storyline itself, a strange goth fairy tale, is masterfully done. The relationship between Saul and King Rat is complex and changing. But best of all is Miéville's descriptive skill. When he has finished detailing some seedy part of London, you just want to grab a towel and wipe the soot off your arms.

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There are a few rough edges. The characters of Inspector Crowley and Loplop (the Bird King) are developed nicely, only to see both of them fizzle into oblivion before the climax. And when Saul saves Loplop from certain death at the hands of the Ultimate Evil, you'd think the method used would give our heroes a clue as to how to win the day. It doesn't.

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There also are a lot of pages devoted to a music genre called "Drum and Bass"; including a six-page sermon on pages 206-211. I'll grant that D&B is an important part of the story, but I frankly didn't need to be told all the technical minutiae of it.

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Kewl New Words...

There were Britishisms, Cockney slang, and Miéville's fabulous vocabulary. Whids : slang for a line of malarkey. (I think). Kip : to sleep. Glutinous : sticky, gooey. Crepuscular : dim, like twilight. Entresol : a mezzanine; an intermediate floor in a building. Cynosure : something that provides guidance. Sardonically : sarcastically. Scran : a collection of things to eat. Cagoule : a lightweight parka. Solipsism : the (self-centered) philosophy that the self is all you need to know to exist. Skedge : a lookout (?) Here, "on we trog, slower now, on the skedge for a place to set us down". Cosseting : pampering. Gormenghast : a fictional castle of enormous proportions. Used here in a figurative sense. Darkmans/Lightmans : the dark/the light. Funambulism : walking on a tightrope. Subaltern (adj.) : lower in rank or position. Ineluctably : inescapably. Insouciance : the cheerful feeling you get when nothing is troubling you. Bathetic : effusively or insincerely emotional. Shufti : a quick look around (slang). Fe : slang for ??. I never did figure out exactly what.

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Excerpts...

He read Lenin's exhortations that the future must be grasped, struggled for, molded, and he knew that his father was trying to explain the world to him. His father wanted to be his vanguard. What paralyzes is fear, his father believed, and what makes fear is ignorance. When we learn, we no longer fear. (pg. 27)

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"You can't go back, you know." King Rat looked at Saul from under his eyelids. ...

"I know it," he said.

"They think you did your pa, and they'll do you for that. And now you've slung your hook from their old Bucket they'll have your guts for garters." (pg. 53)

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I'm the one that's always there. I'm the one that sticks. I'm the dispossessed, I'll be back again. I'm why you don't sleep easy in your bed. I'm the one that taught you everything you know, I've got more tricks up my sleeve. I'm the tenacious one, the one that locks my teeth, that won't give up, that won't ever let go.

I'm the survivor.

I'm King Rat. (pg 319; closing sentences)

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"...let's put the 'rat' back into Fraternity" (pg. 317)

This is a horror story told in comic-book hero style; and it works beautifully. The tale's the thing here, therefore the few technical flaws ought to be winked at. King Rat is a great first-effort by China Miéville, and by all accounts, he gets even better in stories like Perdido Street Station and The Scar (neither of which I've yet read), and Un Lun Dun (which I have). Eight Stars.

The Wordy Shipmates - Sarah Vowell

2008; 248 pages. New Author?: Yes. Genre : Non-Fiction; American History. Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

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Why do (some) Americans believe that the USA has been chosen by God to be a shining example of goodness and freedom for the rest of the world, even if we have to invade, subjugate, and occupy them to make them see the light? In The Wordy Shipmates, Sarah Vowell makes the case that it goes all the way back to the Puritans of 1630.

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This book takes an in-depth look at those Puritans (not the same as the Pilgrims) who founded (what was to become) Boston in 1630 - their leaving friends and family behind in troubled England; their struggle for survival in those first couple years; the theological divisions that quickly arose; Roger Williams and his benevolent banishment; the annihilation on the Pequot Indians (it was God's will); and the vexing Anne Hutchinson, who touched off controversy about immigration control, being born again, and women's rights and roles.

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What's To Like...

A variety of characters are put under the microscope - the aforementioned Mr. Williams and Mrs. Hutchinson; the compassionate control-freak, Governor John Winthrop; the theocratic Rev. John Cotton; the pragmatic native survivalist, Uncas; and even the modern-day lightning-rod, Ronald Reagan. To Ms. Vowell's credit, none of these are presented as all-good or all-evil.

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You get in-depth insight into the mind-set of the Puritans. They are not simpletons, despite seeing messages from God in every event. They struggle to justify their theological idealism with everyday realities; and worry constantly whether they'll make it to Heaven.

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But what really stands out is Vowell's writing style. This is not the arid history your high school teacher used to force-feed you. She repeatedly ties it in to present-day Americana - things like the TV shows The Brady Bunch and Happy Days; Ronald Reagan and JFK; 9/11 and Bruce Springsteen; and elementary school Pilgrim pageants and Pentecostal three-times-a-week services.

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Kewl New Words...

Cathartic : tension-releasing. Wainscot : a panel forming the lower part of an interior wall, finished differently from the rest of the wall. Sachem : a chief of an Algonquin tribe.

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Excerpts...

The Old Testament Israelites are to the Puritans what the blues was to the Rolling Stones - a source of inspiration, a renewable resource of rifts. What Cotton is telling them is that, like the Old Testament Jews, God has given them a new home, a promised land. And, like the Old Testament Jews, God has printed eviction notices for them to tack up on the homes of the nothing-special, just-folks folks who are squatting there. (pg. 2)

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In 1630, however, the truth that all men are created equal is far from self-evident. Winthrop is saying the opposite - that God created all men unequal. To Winthrop, this is a good thing, especially since he's in charge. ... To a modern reader, this social theory smacks of "I need you to mow my lawn and you need me not to report you to immigration." (pg. 37-38)

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"We must not look only on our own things, but also on the things of our brethren." (pg. 56. a sentence that can have two interpretations - Christian compssion or Orwellian monitoring)

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Roger Williams is God's own goalie - no seemingly harmless pleasantry gets past him. To Williams, "Christendom", that affable word describing Europe and its colonies, is an affront to Christ. For this, he blames Constantine the Great.

Is he referring to Constantine, the first Roman Emperor to legalize Christianity in the year 313, thereby allowing Christians to worship in peace after centuries in the Coliseum as lion food? Yep, that's the jerk. (pg. 113)

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Is it streets of gold for me or am I merely lighter fluid for the flames of hell? (pg. 42)

If you aren't thrilled by history, The Wordy Shipmates might not be for you, as there is very little violence and bloodshed until about 200 pages in. Ditto for dittoheads. For everyone else, this comes with my high recommendation.

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Since my knowledge of the Puritans is sketchy at best (they were different from the Pilgrims somehow; they fled religious persecution in England to practice it here; later on they burned witches), this was an enlightening read. If you only read one non-fiction book per year (that's me!), this is an excellent choice. 8½ stars.

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Other voices...

Many thanks to Coach for turning me on to this book. You can read his review of The Wordy Shipmates here.

Lamb - Christopher Moore

2002; 444 pges. Genre : Humor; Fiction. New Author?: No, fourth book. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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The two years of Jesus' ministry are covered in all four Gospels. Two of them also give some details about his birth; and one tells about him going one day to the temple as a boy.

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That leaves a 30-year black hole in his life. Enter Levi, a.k.a. "Biff", a lifelong friend of Joshua ("Jesus" is the Greek rendering of his name), who is brought back to life in the present day by the angel Raziel to "fill in the blanks" by writing another Gospel.

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There are three parts to Lamb. The first 50-100 pages cover Joshua's childhood. The next 200-250 pages tell of his journey to the East to visit and learn from the Magi. The final 100 pages or so cover the same last two years of Joshua's life as the Biblical gospels do.

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What's To Like...

There is the usual Christopher Moore humor that I loved in You Suck, Bloodsucking Fiends, and A Dirty Job. For Lamb though, it is obvious that Moore also did a lot of research before writing it. That's new. I've seen this hypothesis - that Jesus' ministry was influenced by Eastern religions, before. It is as plausible (and as foundationless) as any other theory.

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Zaniness abounds. There are Yetis and invisible friends; lizard-bashings and self-defense systems ("Jew-do"); Kama-Sutra spoofs and angels taking daytime soap operas far too seriously.

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My favorite part of the book is the middle portion. Moore introduces the reader to the Asian religions. Balthazar teaches Joshua about Taoism and Confucianism. Gaspar trains him in Buddhism. Melchior schools him about Brahmanism.

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I found the other two sections slower-going. Moore uses the "childhood" section to show you what life was like for a Hebrew child growing up in Roman-occupied 1st-century Israel. Okay fine. But not much happens. And in the last part of the book, Moore really "reins it in" so as to not offend any readers as he retells the Gospel story. He succeeds, but it comes at a cost. The humor is reduced to one-liners by Biff.

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Kewl New Words...

Just two. Prophylacteries : a pair of small leather cases, containing strips of parchment with Hebrew scripture on them. One is strapped to the forehead; the other to the left arm. These are weird; google-image it to see them. Falafel : ground, spiced chickpeas shaped into balls and fried.

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Excerpts...

"Alphaeus," Joshua called, "does the work get easier once you know what you're doing?"

"Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open, begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside." (pg. 50, discussing a career in stone-cutting).

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Our relationship with God was different from other people and their Gods. Sure there was fear and sacrifice and all, but essentially, we didn't go to him, he came to us. He told us we were the chosen, he told us he would help us to multiply to the ends of the earth, he told us he would give us a land of milk and honey. We didn't go to him. We didn't ask. And since he came to us, we figure we can hold him responsible for what he does, and what happens to us. (pg. 50)

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Camels bite. A camel will, for no reason, spit on you, stomp you, kick you, bellow, burp, and fart at you. They are stubborn at their best, and cranky beyond all belief at their worst. If you provoke them, they will bite. If you insert a dehydrated amphibian elbow-deep in a camel's bum, he considers himself provoked, doubly so if the procedure was performed while he was sleeping. Camels are wise to stealth. They bite. (pg. 135)

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God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. (Voltaire)

The usual caveat applies - because the subject matter is religious, Lamb is not for the easily-offended. It is however much more tactfully done than some of the George Carlin Christianity rants I've read. Also, if Confucianism, Buddhism, and Hinduism are all the same thing in your head, you may find the middle portion a bit tedious.

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For me, the last 100 pages were too toned down. Maybe it would've been better to just cut the book off when Jesus/Joshua came back home to begin his ministry. OTOH, there are a lot of people who think Lamb is Moore's best work thus far. So, 7 Stars for the childhood section, 10 stars for the Magi section, and 5 stars for the Ministry section. That averages out to 7+ Stars, and I rounded up since the Magi section was the largest portion of the book.

In The Garden of Iden - Kage Baker

1997; 294 pages. Genre : A mixed bag (see below). New Author?: Yes. Book #1 (out of 8) in Baker's "Company" series. Overall Rating : 7½*/10.

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In 1541, a five-year old girl called Mendoza is about to die in the Spanish Inquisition, when she is rescued and turned into a cyborg immortal via drugs, hormones, implants, and training. She now works for the Company, a shadowy 24th-century organization who has mastered time-travel and is into acquiring lost works of art and relics, as well as extinct plants and animals.

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After 15 years of prepping to be a botanist, Mendoza is part of a team of operatives sent to England during the time of the Counter Reformation (the 1560's). Her assignment is to acquire a number of valuable (and soon to be extinct) plants, without the pitiable mortals knowing it. But at the estate of Sir Walter Iden, Mendoza discovers several things : lousy English weather, lots of priceless plants, a unicorn, unsanitary food, religious fanaticism in several colors, and one Nicholas Harpole, who makes her cyborg heart (other other bodily parts) go all a-twitter.

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What's To Like...

The book starts out being a sci-fi time-travel story. After about 50 pages, it decides instead to be historical fiction. And after another 75 pages, it morphs into a romance novel instead. So if you don't like the genre, just wait a few pages and it will change. There are also some adult themes (violence, sex, etc.), despite this being classified a YA book. And it has both serious and funny moments.

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The characters are likeable. Besides Mendoza, the cyborg team consists of animal-collector (and confidante) "Nef", technical pro Flavius (who stays in London and issues some hilarious radio reports), and wise-but-cyinical team-leader Joseph. Sir Walter is a clueless hoot, and Nicholas is a troubled-yet-lovable soul.

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The time-travel and immortality rationale is cleverly done. But for me, the best thing about the book was the attention to the historical setting. In the Garden of Iden made me feel like I was there in 16th-century England. Not many alt-history books do that.

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If you're looking for lots of sci-fi, killing and bloodshed, or graphic sex; you might be disappointed. This is "drama" (except for the very beginning and very end), and a set-up to the rest of the books in the series. Even romance-lovers may feel a bit let down.

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Kewl New Words...

There were a bunch. Prognathous : having a projecting lower jaw. Settle (n) : a long wooden bench with a high back. Gibbet : a gallows. Catamite : a boy kept by a pederast (this in a YA book??). Pomander : a mixture of aromatic substances, enclosed in a bag and used for protection against odor or infection. Caitiff : a cowardly or despicable person. Biretta : a stiff cap with ridges across the crown, such as worn by Roman Catholic clergy. Sophistry : plausible but false argument. Quondam : former; erstwhile. Here : "quondam countrymen". Maunder : to wander aimlessly. Dandle : to playfully dance or bounce a child up and down on one's knee or in one's arms. Pullulating : swarming or teeming (like a hive of bees). Posset : sweet, spiced milk curdled with ale or beer.

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Excerpts...

It was a good decision because I really loved the things I grew. The leaf that spreads in the sunlight is the only holiness there is. I haven't found holiness in faiths of mortals, nor in their music, nor in their dreams: it's out in the open field, with the green rows looking at the sky. (pg. 46)

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"I remember one of mine once. Golly. She was a sweet thing, you know, and I was just nuts about her, but she had this devotion to Ishtar and you simply could not argue with her. I had to become an initiate, go the whole route. When she finally died, I was heartbroken, really, I just moped around for weeks, but on the other hand - it was so nice not to have to paint my ass blue and go whack the heads off doves at the temple every night. Always date atheists, that's my advice." (pg. 173)

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"Funny thing about those Middle Ages," said Joseph. "They just keep coming back. Mortals keep thinking they're in Modern Times, you know, they get all this neat technology and pass all these humanitarian laws, and then something happens: there's an economic crisis, or science makes some discovery people can't deal with. And boom, people go right back to burning Jews and selling pieces of the true Cross." (pg. 192)

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A few words about Kage Baker...

Born in 1952, Kage Baker burst into the sci-fi spotlight in 1997 with In The Garden of Iden, and her "Company" series garnered several sci-fi awards over the next decade. Alas, the light has gone out; she passed away in January of this year.

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This is the purpose of my life. Men burned; flowers were rescued. (pg. 236)

Although In The Garden Of Iden teetered on the edge of too much "icky romance", it never quite fell off. Genre-mixing is always a risk, but somehow it works here. The big question is whether the rest of the series reverts back to its sci-fi roots (that's where I found it at my local library) or instead devolves into a two-bit pulp romance, like Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear series did. We shall see. 7½ Stars.

Florida Roadkill - Tim Dorsey

1999; 362 pages. Book #1 of Dorsey's "Serge Storms" series. Genre : Florida Crime Fiction. New Author?: No. See here. Overall Rating : 5½*/10.

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Everyone would kill to get their hands on a suitcase containing five million dollars of stolen money. Everyone, that is, except the two guys that are unknowingly carrying it. The result is a wild chase down the coast of Florida, with the chasers often finding themselves the chasees. The whole thing is to die for.

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What's To Like...

For those who just have to know how serial-killer Serge and stoner Coleman hooked up together and what their respective childhoods were like, this book is for you. But there are a host of supporting characters as well : spouse-offing Sharon, three bikeless bikers, a devil-worshipping singer in a heavy metal band, a Caribbean drug cartel hit team, and a half a dozen completely evil types competing for the role of UE.

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There is the usual Dorsey love for Florida history and trivia; and a variety of diabolical ways to eliminate someone (including the unique "death by Levi's 501"). Not all of them are prepetrated by Serge. Dorsey also touches on things like the sad state of Healthcare, crappy retirement communities, Mark Fidrych, and methyl bromide. And he even gets serious for a moment with a moving father/son scene.

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Nevertheless, there are some weaknesses. The story takes a while to get going, mostly because Dorsey is introducing you to all the characters. It also has a "to be continued" ending, which just plain sucks. Some of the deaths seem to be there just to meet some sort of body-bag quota. And one of them is going to require a major resurrection somewhere down the road.

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Kewl New Words...

Trivet : a metal stand with three short feet, used under a hot dish on a table. Nacelle : the streamlined enclosure for an aircraft engine. Fronton : a jai alai court. Spansule : a medicinal capsule designed to release drugs at a steady rate over a period of hours. Guayabera : a short-sleeved, lightweight sport shirt with wide pockets and pleats down the front (wiki it).

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Excerpts...

She was maybe twenty, a student at Key West Community College, majoring in flirting her way onto expensive boats with prowler parties. She was thin, with a deep tan, sun-lightened brown hair, and a cute Georgia face. And she'd learned nothing in life is free when she'd gotten thrown overboard by an Argentinean tycoon on whose yacht she had been partying and whose knee she had been grabbing before she said, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend back at school." (pg. 14)

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Two blocks east of Tampa International Airport the death metal band Crucifixion Junkies blew an electrical fuse. The bass player accidentally spilled a beaker of chicken blood into his amp during a song urging violence against pacifists. (pg. 168)

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"One day it's meth, another day psilocybin; you drop acid on Sunday and Percodan on Monday," said Serge. "Then it's Thai sticks. And what about the time you boiled those flowers that were supposed to be like Aborgines' curare darts? Can't you just pick a drug and stick with it?"

Coleman said, completely serious: "I don't want to get hooked." (pg. 199)

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Think globally; act criminally locally (pg 80)...

I got the impression that Dorsey was still feeling his way into this series when he wrote Florida Roadkill. Serge and Coleman compete with others for the spotlight here, even when it comes to doing drugs and orchestrating diabolical executions. The storytelling and writing seem a bit raw, although it is easy to see that the talent is there. Happily, everything is much improved by the time Dorsey wrote Hurricane Punch. This isn't a bad book by any means, but I'm glad it wasn't my introduction to this series. 5½ stars.

The Orphan's Tales - In the Night Garden - Catherynne Valente

2006; 483 pages. Genre : Fantasy Mythpunk (huh?). Awards : 2008 Mythopoeic Award - Adult Literature; nominated for the 2006 James Tiptree Jr. Award; nominated for the 2007 World Fantasy Award. New author?: Yes. Overall Rating : 8½*/10.

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In the Sultan's garden, a quiet little girl lives a lonely existence. Everyone thinks she's a demon due to her eyelids being inked black with a zillion tiny letters. The Sultan's young son befriends her and in exchange for bringing her food, she gives him the only thing she's has - the tales that are minutely inscribed on her eyelids. Alas, the prince's older sister is determined to keep the two youngsters apart. But the girl's tales utterly captivate the boy, and he has to find ways to continue seeing her.

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What's To Like...

This is a wonderfully-written book, rich in imagery and vocabulary. Although patterned after 1001 Arabian Nights, Valente invents a whole new mythical world, complete with star-gods, creation myths, and a menagerie of beasts - cyclops and monopods, griffins and leucrottas, wizards and papesses, shape-shifting bears and herons. And scattered throughout are marvelous drawings by Michael Wm. Kaluta.

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But it is the stories themselves that take center-stage. They are intricate, many-faceted, and interwoven. The Orphan's Tales is a duology, and both volumes in turn have two books-within-a-book, each with its own self-contained labyrinth of tales.

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That interweaving can get confusing. A particular narrator may tell two tales in a row, then disappear while a tangential storyline (or several) is played out. When the first narrator finally reappears, I'd have to backtrack through the book to figure out who she was.

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There are some loose ends, particularly as to the princeling and the girl with the inked eyelids. I presume these are taken care of in the next book, titled The Orphan's Tales : In The Cities of Coin and Spice.

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Kewl New Words...

Lots of them. Kohl : a cosmetic preparation used in the Middle East to darken the rims of the eyelids. Postulant : a candidate for admission into a religious order. Gloam : twilight. Here, "my body was changed, converted into its charcoal and gloam." Poultice : a soft, moist mass applied to a sore or inflamed part of the body. Amira : a princess. Doulios : a slave; a servant (Greek). Dotard : (adj.) foolish; doddering. Oligarch : a supporter of a form of government in which power rests with a small segment of society. Anchorite : a person who has gone into seclusion for religious reasons. Selkie : a mythical creature who has the form of a seal, but who can also assume human shape. Liminal : relating to the threshold between two different (spiritual) planes.

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Excerpts...

Once there was a child whose face was like the new moon shining on cypress trees and the feathers of waterbirds. She was a strange child, full of secrets. She would sit alone in the great Palace Garden on winter nights, pressing her hands into the snow and watching it melt under her heat. She wore a crown of garlic greens and wisteria; she drank from the silver fountains studded with lapiz; she ate cold pears under a canopy of pines on rainy afternoons. (opening paragraph. wow.)

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"No, no, meat does not offend us; we simply choose to eschew it. It appeals to the highest nature of the self to put aside food which once lived - I do not consider myself food, why should I ask all other creatures to consider themselves so?" (pg. 241)

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Sigrid looked as though she had been slapped. "I have searched my life over for you, for the Saint of the Griffins, of the Boiling Sea, of the Red Ship. I have never tried to repeat your miracles. I have performed my own. I have only tried to be like you in spirit, to be brave, and noble, and to find my place in the world. To find you."

The saint leaned in close to Sigrid, her face as round and ruddy as the day she vanished, and laid one finger aside her nose, her mouth spreading into a conspiratorial smile.

"Gods are always a disappointment," she clucked. (pg. 469)

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"Never put your faith in a Prince. When you require a miracle, trust in a Witch." (pg. 134)

Valente's challenge : to write an epic adventure (with scads of sub-adventures) in a Chaucerian tale-telling style. She succeeds charmingly. There is humor, action, twists, and ethical dilemmas. Both "sub-books" are entertaining, but I liked the second one better, which has a more serious uber-theme of gods and religion. Sub-book One is more of a straight adventure story.

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One last thing. You will find that for the most part, female heroes and adventurers predominate here. Yet it isn't overbearing and makes for a nice switch. Highly recommended, except for chauvinists. 8½ stars.

The House of Thunder - Dean Koontz

1982; 416 pages. Nom de Plume used when originally published : Leigh Nichols. New Author? : No; two others. Genre : I'm not telling. Overall Rating : 7­.75*/10.

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Susan Thorton wakes up in a small hospital in Willawauk, Oregon. She's been in a car accident, suffered a concussion and has been in a coma for three weels. She can't remember much about herself. As her memory gradually starts coming back, she is visited by four frightening guys from her distant past. She testified at their trial after they killed her college boyfriend. Now they're back, looking not one day older, despite the fact that several of them were reported dead years ago. Nobody else in the hospital can see them, and they're looking for revenge.

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What's To Like...

That may sound like a clichéd start, but what Koontz does with it is quite novel. Are the threatening beings ghosts? Aliens? Monsters? Magical beings? Illusions? Is Susan going insane?

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Koontz builds the tension smoothly as the story progresses. Each chapter ends with a "hook", and every time you come up with a pet theory about what's going on, Koontz pokes a hole in it. For the most part (see below), this is an excellent example of "show, don't tell".

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The quibbles are few and minor. For me, the book dragged a bit through the first half (all of which takes place inside the hospital), then went by a bit too quickly in the second half, when Susan finally goes outside. However, other reviewers felt just the opposite, so it's a matter of taste. Also, there are about 15-pages of "tell, don't show" towards the end of the book, that were a missed opportunity for action and adventure. Oh yeah, this was apparently written before Koontz started working a golden retriever into each of his books. But these are all minor nits to pick.

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Kewl New Words...

Mezuzah : a piece of parchment inscribed with specified Hebrew scripture, which is posted on the doroframe of Jewish homes to fulfill a Biblical commandment. Invidious : tending to rouse ill-will or resentment. Tremulous : marked by trembling.

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Excerpts...

"He said, 'Show me a coincidence, and when I open it up for you, I'll show you at least two people inside, plotting some sort of mischief.'"

McGee frowned and shook his head."That philosophy might be suitable for a character in a detective story. But out here in the real world, it's a little paranoid, don't you think?" (pg. 67-68)

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She trusted medical science precisely because it was a science. She distrusted psychiatry because, to her way of thinking, which had been shaped by her education as a physicist, psychiatry was not really a science at all; she thought of it as little more than voodoo. (pg. 228).

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Late Thursday afternoon, a fast-weaving loom of wind brought new gray cloth for the rents in the clouds, patching over every last glimpse of blue September sky. (pg. 304)

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You're not paranoid if they really are after you...

The House of Thunder was published in 1982, somewhat early in his career, when Koontz was still writing under pen names. He would hit his stride five years later, when Watchers (see here) came out, but his story-telling skills are already evident here. I'm not much into this genre (I'm still not telling what it is), but this proved to be a real page-turner for me. What more can you ask out of a good story? 7.75 stars.

Jingo - Terry Pratchett

1997; 437 pages. Book #21 of the Discworld series; Book #4 of the City Watch sub-series. Genre : Comedic Fantasy. New Author?: Heavens, no. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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Commander Sam Vimes, head of the City Watch, has his hands full. First there's the investigation of an attempted assassination, and the assassination of the attempted-assasin. Then there's the invasion of Klatch, the overseas neighbor of Ankh-Morpork. Sam's mighty fighting force? About a half-dozen volunteers from the City Watch. But coppers are the same thing as soldiers, right? And one Ankh-Morporkian is worth a thousand Klatchians, right?

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What's To Like...

All your City Watch favorites are here : Angua, Captain Carrot, Corporal Nobby, Sergeant Colon, and Detritus. For a change, the Patrician, Lord Vetinari, plays a major part in the story. It is always a treat to watch him in action. We're introduced to Leonard of Quirm, a combination of Buckminster Fuller and Leonardo Da Vinci, who creates mind-blowing inventions, but fails to come up with any practical uses for them.

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There's also a flying carpet, a bit of dimension-hopping, and an imp-powered dis-organizer that reminds Sam of his appointments in the most inopportune ways and moments.

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Once again, Pratchett explores a number of themes. The most salient is the senselessness of war. The book opens with a small island popping up in the sea, midway between Ankh-Morpork and Klatch. Neither country has any use for it, but they will fight to keep each other from occupying it.

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The themes of racism and jingoism (hence the title of the book) are also prominent. Klatch obviously represents the Arab/Muslim world, and everyone in Ankh-Morpork knows all Klatchians are stupid, cowardly, have bizarre customs, eat strange food, worship the wrong gods, and collectively need a thorough whupping. You don't need to actually meet a Klatchian to know all this, do you?

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Oh yeah, Pratchett also gives a wink and a nod to the themes of cross-dressing and guys getting in touch with their feminine side.

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Kewl New Words...

Dekko : a quick glance (British slang). Caltrop : an iron anti-personnel device with 4 spikes, which is placed on the ground in such a way that at least one spike is always pointing up (a good weapon to hinder enemy cavalry). Judder : to shake or vibrate rapidly and intensely. Equerry : an official charged with the care of the horses of royalty or nobility. Juggins : a fool; a dupe. Scryer : one who tells the future via crystal-ball gazing.

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Excerpts...

There was a crash somewhere ahead of them, and a scream. Coppers learned to be good at screams. There was to the connoisseur a world of difference between "I'm drunk and I've just trodden on my fingers and I can't get up!" and "Look out! He's got a knife!" (pg. 56)

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"This belonged to my great-grandad," he said. He was in the great scrap we had against Pseudopolis and my great-gran gave him a book of prayers for soldiers, 'cos you need all the prayers you can get, believe you me, and he stuck it in the top pocket of his jerkin, 'cos he couldn't afford armor, and the next day in battle - whoosh, this arrow came out of nowhere, wham, straight into this book and it went all the way through to the last page before stopping, look. You can see the hole."

"Pretty miraculous," Carrot agreed.

"Yeah it was, I s'pose," said the sergeant. He looked ruefully at the tattered volume. "Shame about the other seventeen arrows, really." (pg. 181)

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Sergeant Colon cleared his throat. "I know something about seaweed, sir."

"Yes, sergeant?"

"Yessir! If it's wet, sir, it means it's going to rain."

"Well done, sergeant," said Lord Vetinari, without turning his head. "I think it is quite possible that I will never forget you said that." (pg. 269)

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Veni, vermini, vomui. (I came, I ratted, I threw up)...(pg. 213)

As usual, Pratchett deftly interweaves the host of themes. As usual, he tells a fascinating story and ties up all the loose ends. As usual, there is laugh-out loud humor throughout the book. As usual, you come away feeling he's imparted a lesson or two to you, without feeling like you've been preached at.

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This doesn't seem to be one of the more famous books in the Discworld series. I don't know why not. Nine Stars.

Gentlemen Of The Road - Michael Chabon

2007; 206 pages (including "Afterword" and "A Note on the Khazars"). Genre : Historical Fiction; New Author?: Yes. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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Set in 10th-century Khazaria (a real place - see Wikipedia's entry here), two mercenary con-men travel the local roads, doing whatever it takes to make ends meet. One is a giant African warrior with an axe named "Defiler of your Mother"; the other is a scarecrow-framed Frankish itinerant with fencing and healing skills and a passion for hats.

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They get more than they bargain for when they're talked into safeguarding a headstrong, sassy prince in his quest to avenge his slain family. Revolution and adventure spring up; when all they wanted was a few extra dirhams.

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What's To Like...

10th-century Khazaria - is that a kewl setting or what? Chabon's prose is beautiful; new vocabulary words abound; great humor percolates throughout the story; there's a map to help you make heads and tails of our heroes' wanderings; and above all, there are lots of buckles to be swashed.

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Chabon wrote this as a serialized tale (the New York Times ran it over the course of a couple of months). Gentlemen Of The Road is comprised of 15 chapters, all almost identical in length; and each a "story within a story". If you could convert a comic book action series into pure text, this is what it would look like. Well, not quite 100% text. Gary Gianni, who draws the Prince Valiant comic strip, provides an awesome picture for each chapter.

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Kewl New Words...

Chabon likes highbrow vocabulary, so there were a slew of them. Calumny : a false, slanderous accusation. Rheumy : wet, arthritic. Here, "rheumy jargon", so I guess it was used in a figurative sense. Senescence : old age. Ambit : the area in which someone or something operates or has control of. Contumelious : arrogantly insolent. Scabrous : rough, improper, scandalous, shocking. Melisma : a musical passage of several notes sung to a single syllable of text. Affiant : swearing to be true, as in giving an affidavit. Littoral : the shore area of a lake, sea, or ocean. Sukkah : a temporary structure with a roof of leafy boughs. Chiromancy : palm-reading. Dirham : a monetary unit used in the story. Wisent : a European bison. Caparisoned : clothed in finery.

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Excerpts...

For numberless years a myna had astounded travelers to the caravansary with its ability to spew indecencies in ten languages, and before the fight broke out everyone assumed the old blue-tongued devil on its perch by the fireplace was the one who maligned the giant African with such foulness and verve. (opening sentence)

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Though only a week earlier the idea would have struck him as heresy, as he lay waiting to become carrion he considered that plump and vivacious Sarah was perhaps unworthy of his suffering and death, when after all, she chewed with her mouth open and her wind, when she had been consuming too much milk, gave off an unsettling odor of brimstone. (pg. 45)

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Filaq wiped the blade on the flap of his tunic and then handed it back, haft first. "Thank you for saving my life," he said.

"I don't save lives," Zelikman said. "I just prolong their futility." (pg. 103)

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A few words about Michael Chabon...

He won the Pulitzer Prize in fiction in 2001 for "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay". He won the Hugo, Sidewise and Nebula awards in 2007 for "The Yiddish Policeman's Union". He writes in a variety of genres - drama, alt history, and here, comic book adventure. His books are usually about Jewish life - past or present. Wikipedia's article about him is here.

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"I need you to put me back together," she said. "I have a man to kill." (pg. 154)

There are story-tellers and there are novelists. I tend to read more by the former than by the latter. But once in a while, you run into an author that deftly combines the two, and that's always an unexpected pleasure. Gentlemen Of The Road is such a book. My only gripe is that this literary delight ended way too soon. Nine Stars.

Basket Case - Carl Hiaasen

2002; 411 pages. New Author?: No. Genre : Witty Crime. Overall Rating : 4½*/10.

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Jack Tagger has a dead-end job - both literally and figuratively. For mouthing off to the new owner of the small Florida newspaper where he works, he is banished to the no-future job of writing obituaries, in hopes that he'll quit.

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But when over-the-hill rocker Jimmy Stoma dies in a scuba accident in the Bahamas, it piques Jack's interest. Partly because Jack liked him when he was with Jimmy and the Slut Puppies; partly because something doesn't seem right about the accident; partly because if Jack can develop this into a front-page article, he can start to escape the obituary desk limbo.

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What's To Like...

Hiaasen apparently develops a new protagonist for every book; that's a plus. I found Tagger to be more likable than Twilly Spree in Sick Puppy (see its review here). It's nice to read a murder-mystery where the main guy isn't a burnt-out cop. The pacing is nice, it's written in a witty style, and it's an easy read.

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The secondary theme - the moribund state of the newspaper industry - is well-developed. There are only two types of newspaper journalists nowadays - those who are laid-off and depressed, and those who are still working and waiting for the axe to fall.

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If this was a story about journalism, it would be a decent read. Alas, it's a crime-mystery story, and in that regard, it sucks. There really isn't any mystery, and there are zero plot twists. Even when the opportunity for a plot twist arises, the story chooses to plod on in its humdrum, straightforward way. One example :

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Jack's first inkling that something is amiss comes when he learns that the Bahaman police chose not to do an autopsy. When he quizzes them about this, their reply is that they know a drowning accident when they see one. Oooo. This screams for a plot twist. But it never happens. And so it goes throughout the rest of the book.

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Kewl New Words...

Only one. Dyspeptic : displaying a morose disposition.

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Excerpts...

Newspapers customarily do not report a private death as a suicide, on the theory it might plant the idea in the minds of other depressed people, who would immediately rush out and do themselves in. These days no paper can afford to lose subscribers. (pg. 6)

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So far, Jizz is the only joint on Silver Beach with a red velvet rope and a sullen, T-shirted, steroid-addled doorman. The club's motif combines the exotic ambience of a Costa Rican brothel with the cozy, down-home charm of a methamphetamine lab. By the time I reach Carla's booth, I feel like I'm hacking up bronchial tissue. The first topic of discussion is my wardrobe. "Are those really Dockers?" Carla blurts, horror-struck. (pg. 197)

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I'll be there like a gator on a poodle... (pg. 305)

I'm still not smitten with Carl Hiaasen. Maybe I haven't read his best efforts. Sick Puppy and Basket Case are the 9th and 10th books in his (non-YA) stories, so perhaps the ones that made him a best-selling author came earlier. Still, it was mindlessly enjoyable to read (it would make a good Beach Novel), and as seen in the excerpts, Hiaasen is a master of wit. That should count for something against the disappointingly poor plot. 4½ stars.

Funeral Games - Mary Renault

1981; 328 pages. Book 3 in Renault's "Alexander the Great" trilogy. Genre : Historical Fiction. New Author?: Yes. Overall Rating : 8*/10.
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It's 323 B.C. Alexander The Great is near death, unable to speak, and has never named a successor to his throne. His two wives are pregnant, but they are both foreigners (one Bactrian; the other Persian), and even if they bear sons, the Macedonian army is loath to be led by a "half-breed". Alexander's half-brother is alive, but he has the mind of a six-year-old. His mother also lives, and is a powerful political force in Macedon. But still, she's a woman. Any of Alexander's generals could rule, but they all hate each other So let the Funeral Games begin!
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What's To Like...
The book covers the next 15 years or so (plus an epilogue), as the various parties jockey for leadership; not hesitating to kill any rivals if needed. None of the claimants are all good or all evil, and none can garner enough support and power to unite the army and rule the kingdom. Mary Renault adheres strictly to the historical facts. Basically, she fleshes out the characters and gives them voices.
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And what characters they are! Especially the three women - Olympias (ATG's mom), Roxane (one of his wives), and Eurydike (a young Macedonian noblewoman who marries the half-brother). They are strong, they are learned, they are politically savvy, they are legitimate contenders for the throne, and they are historically accurate. The male rivals treat them as equals and threats because, well, they are.
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There are a slew of characters to keep track of, and Funeral Games does start off kinda slow as Renault introduces them to you. But she lists the cast of characters at the beginning of the book (you will use this often), and once they've all made their entrance, the story picks up steam. The ending (again, historically accurate) is quite good, especially if you don't know the history.
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Kewl New Words...
There were oodles of them. Emollient : soothing. Maquette : a small model of an intended work. Marmoreal : marble-like. Wittol : a man who knows about and tolerates his wife's infidelity. Inchoate : only partly in existence; imperfectly formed. Himation : a rectangular woolen or linen cloak of ancient Greece. Sutler : an army camp follower who peddles supplies to them (especially food). Revenant : someone who returns after a lengthy absence. Trull : a harlot; a prostitute. Proscribed : denounced; condemned. Glaucous : having a waxy, whitish, frosted appearance. Effulgent : beaming; radiating light (here, an "effulgent cloud").
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Excerpts...
"Alas, alas! The light is fallen from the sky, the lion of men is fallen. When he lifted his sword, a thousand warriors trembled; when he opened his hand, it shed gold like the sands of the sea. When he rejoiced, it gladdened us like the sun. As the storm-wind rides the mountains, so he rode to war; like the tempest that fells great forest trees, he rode into the battle. His shield was a strong roof over his people. Darkness is his portion, his house is desolate. Alas! Alas! Alas!" (pg. 25-25)
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"All those great men. When Alexander was alive, they pulled together like one chariot-team. And when he died, they bolted like chariot-horses when the driver falls. And broke their backs like horses, too." (pg. 32)
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A few words about Mary Renault...
Born in 1908; died in 1983. Best known for her eight Greek-themed historical novels, published between 1956 and 1981. She was gay long before being gay was acceptable in England; and in 1948, she and her lifelong partner moved to South Africa, where homophobia was less prevalent. All of her Greek novels have at least a couple homosexual allusions, although here in Funeral Games, they are relatively minor. You can read Wikipedia's entry about Mary Renault here.
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"His sign is walking among the constellations, further than we can reckon in years. You will not see it setting in your day." (pg. 4 - a prophecy about Alexander's legacy).
Sadly, none of the aspirants to the throne succeeded in taking the place of Alexander The Great. Ptolemy fared best - retreating into Egypt, establishing a dynasty, and making it clear he has no desire to expand beyond there. The rest battled among themselves and eventually, they all fell. Alexander's army, invincible to any foe, destroyed itself from within.
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The weakening wars continued for 100 years or so. In the meantime, those upstart Romans unified their country and did away with their chief rival, Carthage. When they were ready to expand eastward, Greece and Macedonia (and later, Egypt, and the Greco-Persian realms) could no longer put up a good fight. How sadly self-inflicted.
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I give this Eight Stars, because the cause is near and dear to my heart, and it was quite a powerful tale by the end. Highly recommended to history fanatics, but others may find it a bit dry.

Little Green Men - Christopher Buckley

1999; 300 pages. New Author?: Yes. Genre : Satire; Modern Fiction. Overall Rating : 9*/10.
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John O. Banion is an acid-tongued, self-assured Sunday morning TV news host (think "Meet The Press") who has everything going for him - a trophy wife, fame and power, and fabulous ratings - even the President of the United States wants to appear on his show - until he is abducted by aliens. And probed. He dismisses this as temproary insanity. Until it happens a second time.
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This turns his world upside-down, but it doesn't matter, because he now has something he never had before - a cause. Little does he realize, his abductions (and probes) were really orchestrated by a disgruntled worker for a top-secret government organization called Majestic 12.
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What's To Like...
Little Green Men is well-written, moves at a nice pace, has a good ending, and will keep you chuckling, page after page. Buckley spoofs all sorts of things - the Washington DC "Power Crowd", UFO enthusiasts, talking-head newsmen, NASA, conspiracy nuts (hey! that's me!), and egotistical lawyers.
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His characters are both real (Sam Donaldson and Larry King) and made-up (Colonel Murfletit, Bitsey Banion, Dr. Falopian, etc.). There actually aren't any Little Green Men in the story, but there are creatures dubbed "Tall Nordics" and "Short Greys". The political satire is balanced - the president is a savvy sap (is that an oxymoron?), but you can't tell whether he's a Democrat or a Republican.
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Kewl New Words...
There were a slew of 'em. Avuncular : kindly; benevolent; like a favorite uncle. Parsimony : excessive frugality; extreme cheapness. Irredentist : advocating reclaiming territory that is culturally or historically related to one's nation. Cabochon : a convex style of cutting gemstones. Benison : a blessing. Importunate : troublesomely urgent. Descant : a discourse on some given theme. Mephitic : foul-smelling. Recondite : deep; not easily understood. Chthonic : dwelling in the Underworld. Gravid : heavy; pregnant (either literal of figurative). Minatory : threatening; menacing. Ontological : relating to one's essence or core being. Apothegm : a short, pithy saying.
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Excerpts...
They decided that as long as they were at it, MJ-12 could serve another, even higher purpose: keeping the U.S. citizenry alarmed about the possibility of invasion from outer space, and therefore happy to fund expansion of the military-aerospace program. A country convinced that little green men were hovering over the rooftops was inclined to vote yea for big weapons and space programs. (pg. 31)
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Banion sighed. These symphony things of Bitsey's were torture. He had no ear for music. He was perfectly content to insert a "Mozart's Greatest Hits" onto the CD player and press Repeat. To make matters worse, this new conductor was a fiend for atonality, that is, music that defied humming. Banion wondered which was worse - being sodomized by aliens, or having to sit through two hours of Charles Ives. (pg. 84. If you've ever listened to Charles Ives, you'll be able to relate)
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A few words about Christopher Buckley...
He is the son of the Conservative legend, William F. Buckley. I was worried that this would give LGM a wing-nut spin, but it didn't. He used to write for the conservative magazine, National Review, which was founded by his father. In 2008, he did the unpardonable - he endorsed Barack Obama for president. The National Review and CB parted ways shortly thereafter.
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It made the people happy to feel that the gods wanted to sleep with them, or at least have a grope. (pg. 32)
I thoroughly enjoyed Little Green Men. I suppose if you aren't into Washington politics and/or UFO encounters, it could get a bit boring. In reading other reviews, it seems that those who gave LGM low marks usually did so because they felt some of Buckley's other novels were better - in particular, one called Thank You For Smoking. If so, I'm looking forward to reading more books by him. Nine stars.

What Is The What - Dave Eggers

2006; 535 pages. Awards : 2009 Prix Medicis Etranger. Full Title : What is the What - the Autobiography of Valentino Achak Deng. New Author for me?: No. See here. Genre : Fictional Autobiography; Modern Literature. Overall Rating : 6½*/10.
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As a small boy, Achak Deng's life changes forever when the Arab murahabeen ravage his Dinka village in southern Sudan - raping, killing, looting, burning, and kidnapping. What Is The What tells his story of fleeing with thousands of other boys - the "Lost Boys of Sudan" - to refugee camps in Ethiopia and Kenya, and finally after 14 years in these camps, his coming to America and his sturggles to adapt to a new culture.
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The horrors and tragedy Achak endures along the way are staggering. Death looms in many forms - Arab militiamen; Sudanese army helicopters and planes; Ethiopian bandits; hungry lions and crocodiles; malaria, dysentery and other diseases; starvation and exposure to the elements in the desert; and in an ironic fimale, from an assault & robbery at his Atlanta apartment. Through it all, a boy's hope shines through, if only because the alternative is to give up, lay down, and die.
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What's To Like...
Eggers emphasizes that this is a work of fiction, and that it's also a collaborative telling of Achak's life story. I suspect it is actually taken from the combined experiences of a lot more Lost Boys than just Achak, but Eggers' writing skills create a seamless narrative. Paradoxically, the book flip-flops between the present-day assault and Achak mentally recounting his African experiences to his assailants. But this literary style works.
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Eggers tells the story from the inside of Achak's head. You get to see the thoughts of a small boy as he struggles with incomprehensible hardship. Eggers/Deng present an even-handed view of the Lost Boys - they are neither saints nor savages. They overcome incredible ordeals, but they also learn how to milk the Humanitarian Aid workers, they succumb to various vices (especially gambling) when they make it to the US, they fight among themselves, and they sometimes turn on the samaritans who try to help them.
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Kewl New Words...
Not many. Subsumed : to be included in something bigger. Monyjang : what the Dinka call themselves. Literally, "man" or "man of all men".
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Excerpts...
God said, "You can either have these cattle, as my gift to you, or you can have the What." My father waited for the necessary response.
"But..." Saliq said, helping out. "What is the What?" he said, with an air of theatrical inquisitiveness. ...
"And God said to the man, 'I cannot tell you . Still, you have to choose. You have to choose between the cattle and the What.'" (pg. 62)
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"Look at it this way," he said. "There are dorms here. There are young girls, some of them only seventeen years old. You know what I mean?"
I did not know what he meant.
"Your application says you're twenty-seven years old," he said.
"Yes?"
"Well, picture some white suburban family. They're spending forty thousand dollars to send their young blond daughter to college, she's never been away from home, and the first day on campus they see a guy like you roaming the dorms?"
In his opinion, he had explained everything he needed to. (pg. 473)
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By many we have been written off as a failed experiment. We were the model Africans. For so long, this was our designation. We were applauded for our industriousness and good manners and, best of all, our devotion to our faith. The churches adored us, and the leaders they bankrolled and controlled coveted us. But now the enthusiasm has dampened. We have exhausted many of our hosts. We are young men, and young men are prone to vice. (pg. 475-76)
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Whatever I do, however, I find a way to live... (pg. 535)
If you are unfamiliar with the plight of the southern Sudanese, What Is The What will open your eyes and tug at your conscience. But for all of its merits, this book at times dragged for me. Probably because this is not a genre I particuarly enjoy.
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It is a heart-wrenching tale, and you may come away feeling guilty about your relative affluence and life-of-ease compared to Achak's. But I don't have a well-developed sense of guilt, and I usually read to be entertained, educated, or (less often) inspired, not to have my heart torn out. Maybe I've seen one too many commercials where Sally Struthers implies I'm pathetic if I don't pick up the phone right now and sponsor an African child.
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Nevertheless, What Is The What generally gets rave reviews, so I'm in the minority on this one. If you like books like The Kite Runner, you'll probably love WITW. 6½ stars from me, but YMMV.

Sleepy Head - Mark Billingham

2001; 403 pages. This is the author's debut novel. New author for me?: yes. Genre : Murder-mystery. Overall Rating : 7*/10.

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Three women are dead by the hands of a serial killer. But Detective Inspector Tom Thorne finally catches a break - the fourth and latest victim, Alison Willetts, is still alive, albeit in a vegetative state at the hospital. Then the killer sends Thorne a chilling message - the first three victims were mistakes, and he only got his technique right with Alison. And no, he doesn't intend to make her his one and only masterpiece.

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What's To Like...

"Vegetative state" isn't quite correct; it's actually something called locked-in syndrome. You can read Wiki's article on it here. Basically, all the voluntary muscles of the body are paralyzed, except the eyes. Your brain is functioning perfectly, and you can see. But there's nothing you can do about your condition. Some of the story is told from inside Alison's head, which is a new angle.

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Physically, Thorne is not your stereotypical detective hero. He's short (5'5" or so), with a low center-of-gravity, and quite um... broad around the mid-section. His fellow detectives call him "Weeble" behind his back, because he'd wobble if you pushed him.

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Yet for the most part, Sleepy Head is your standard serial killer tale. The UE is a psychopath who thinks he's brilliant (and is for most of the book), who taunts police, and who eventually comes after our hero (don't they ever learn?). Outside of his physical build, Thorne is pretty stereotypical too. He's divorced, burnt out, drinks too much, and fights with his superiors. And some of Thorne's moves - interacting with, then tailing and harassing the prime suspect - just don't ring true of a veteran cop.

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Excerpts...

Frank Keable was only a year or two older than Thorne, but looked fifty. This was more due to some genetic glitch than any kind of stress. The lads reckoned he must have started receding at about the same time he hit puberty. Whatever hormones he had left that stimulated hair growth had somehow mistakenly rerouted to his eyebrows, which hovered above his bright blue eyes like great gray caterpillars. The eyebrows were highly expressive and gave him an air of wisdom that was, to put it kindly, fortunate. Nobody begrudged him this bit of luck - it was the least you could hope for when you looked like an overfed owl with alopecia. (pg 30-31. is that a kewl description or what?!)

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He carried his newspaper to the counter and fished around for change. A woman stood next to him. A puzzle magazine, a lottery ticket and a fistful of chocolate. She smiled at him and he remembered how important his work still was. Yes, killing her would be simple and she would be far better off, no question. But nothing worth having was ever achieved easily. (pg. 265)

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Kewl New Words...

Billingham is British, which always means new words. Quiff : a tuft of hair; a forelock. Alopecia : the loss of hair. Sussed : figured out. Frisson : a shiver; a shudder. Poncy Tea : a cup of cha served at a greasy spoon (I think). Chicken vindaloo : a spicy-hot dish that includes chilis, ginger, curry, mustard, and a bunch of other spices. Wittering : babbling on at undue length. Poxy : insignificant, small and bad. (Here : 'one poxy fag')

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Wake up, Sleepyhead...

The technical flaws notwithstanding, this was a fun read. The pacing was good, there were some twists towards the end, and Thorne sometimes guesses wrong. Sleepy Head is a very good first effort, and if Billingham's writing skills get better with time, this will be a fun series to read. That is, if you can find his books. He doesn't seem to have crossed the pond much yet. Seven stars.

Tales of Ordinary Madness - Charles Bukowski

1983; 238 pages. Genre : Modern Literature; Short Stories. Overall Rating : 4½*/10.

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Tales of Ordinary Madness consists of 34 short stories and essays penned by Bukowski in the 1967-72 period, mostly for various underground and adult magazines. A majority of the entries are told in the first person, starring either Bukowski himself, or one of his alter egos - Henry Chinaski and Dan Skorski.

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What's To Like...
Short stories are a nice middle-ground for Bukowski. He can develop a theme more fully than in a poem, and he's not locked into the semi-autobiographical confines of his five novels. A lot of these stories are still told as if they come from Bukowski's life, but I suspect they are more wishful thinking than fact. The style is in-your-face, with lots of cusswords and "adult themes". Remember, he was writing these to amuse and titillate magazine readers.

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The themes can get repetitive, especially in the first half of the book. Sex, booze, smokes, playing the horses, booze, sex, more booze, despising people who come to hear him read his poetry, booze, sex, smokes, hitting on some host's wife, hangovers, smokes, sex, booze, etc.

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Bukowski is at his best when he's writing commentary (see "Notes on the Pest") and non- pseudo-auto-biographical stories (see "A .45 to Pay the Rent"). Also, the fantasy story "Animal Crackers in my Soup" is superb.

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Alas, there's a lot of paste among the gems. Bukowski had great insight and humor, and was a gifted writer when he wanted to be. But it seems too often he was writing drivel - either because of the booze or just to see if the public could tell the difference.

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Kewl New Words...

Voluting : Coiling (here, a woman's derriere as she's walking by). Involute : Complex, intricate; involved. Luxated : Dislocated (here, a luxated neck). Letch (verb) : To grasp on to something. Oh yeah, Factotum showed up again. Cue "Twilight Zone" theme music.

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Excerpts...

"Look, can I use your phone?" Mad Jimmy asked.

"Local?"

"Yes, it's local."

"Make sure it's local. I almost killed four guys the other night. Chased them all through town in my car. Finally, they pulled over. I parked behind them, cut the engine. I didn't realize they still had theirs running. When I got out, they pulled off. Very disappointing. By the time I got rolling, they were out of sight."

"They made a long distance call on your phone?"

"No, I didn't know them. It was another matter." (pg. 20)

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"either you work the overtime as the others do or you're out of a job, Skorski."

"then I'm out of a job, Blackstone."

"I've got a good mind not to pay you."

"State Labor Board."

"we'll mail you your check." (pg. 90)

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unlike you, the pest has hours of time to shoot through the head. and all his ideas are contrary to yours but he never knows this because he is continually talking and even when you get a chance to disagree, the pest does not hear. he really never hears your voice. it is just a vague area of break to him, then he continues his dialogue, and while the pest continues on you wonder how he ever got his dirty little snout into your soul... (pg. 194. I work with one of these).

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did you ever consider that lsd and color tv arrived for our consumption about the same time? (pg. 200).

If you're new to reading Bukowski, you may find TOOM shockingly refreshing. If you're a Bukoholic, you will not be disappointed. But if you're somewhere in between, the reading can be a tedious chore, especially in the first half.

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The stories in the second half show more variety and are more entertaining. Which is a pity, because a lot of readers will have probably bailed by then. I give Tales of Ordinary Madness 4½ stars, because there is some good stuff here. But it's a bit too little and a bit too late.

Night Watch - Terry Pratchett

2002; 408 pages. Book 29 in the Discworld series. Awards : #73 in the Big Read; Prometheus Award winner - 2003; nominee for Locus Award - 2003. Genre : Fantasy; Humor. Overall Rating : 9*/10.

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Just as (Captain of the Night Watch) Sam Vimes is about to nab a psychopathic killer, both of them are transported 30 years back in time. It is a different Ankh-Morpork that they find themselves in. The Night Watch bumbles; policemen ponce, the Patrician oppresses, rebellion seethes, and plotters plot. It's a bad place for a good cop, but a killer can make a killing here.

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What's To Like...

There is time-travel, albeit without much control. There are zen-like History Monks trying to put everything back in order. And there are 30-years-younger versions of a number of Ankh-Morpork's finest citizens - Nobby Nobbs, Fred Colon, Havelock Vetinari, Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, and naturally, a pair of Sam Vimes - the naive rookie and the grizzled veteran.

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The plot itself takes center stage in Night Watch, which is unusual for a Discworld book. Normally the themes (such as Basketball, Diplomacy, Football Hooligans, etc.) or the zaniness (such as the crazy antics of Rincewind or the Witches) are in the spotlight, with just enough of a plot to hold things together. Not so here.

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There's not much to quibble about. If you've never read a Discworld book, this is probably not a good one to start with. That's about it.

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Kewl New Words...

Prima Gravida : a woman pregnant for the first time. Shonky : cheap, shoddy, and with a social stigma. Used here, "a shonky shop". Pastille : a lozenge, a cough drop. Ponce : to take with permission, but in an "extortion" sense. Gormless : stupid, dull (British slang). Skiver : a slacker, a loafer, a do-nothing (British slang).

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Excerpts...

"Slidey Harris was unlucky at cards last night, that's all. Played the ace of hearts."

'That's an unlucky card?"

"It is if Big Tony knows he didn't deal it to you. But I'll soon have it removed." (pg.138)

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"I have no idea of how things are going to turn out! I mean, doesn't it change history even if you just tread on an ant?"

"For the ant, certainly," said Qu. (pg. 240)

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Maybe the monks were right. Changing history is like damming a river. It'll find its way around. (pg. 306)

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Ave! Bossa nova, similis bossa seneca!

(Here comes the new boss, same as the old boss) (pg. 360)

Night Watch is darker and more serious than most Discworld books. There aren't as many ha-ha's, and there's no discernible theme. It's almost as if Pratchett wanted to demonstrate that he could write literature, if he so desired.

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Being out of his element, this really shouldn't have worked. But it does. Nine stars.